How to get over my shyness

Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness: 8 Tips to Start

Anxiety and fear in social situations can make daily life more difficult. But there are ways to manage that might be right for you.

Social anxiety and shyness aren’t exactly the same. Though there is overlap between the two, you can be shy (or get social anxiety symptoms from time to time) without experiencing social anxiety disorder.

Let’s take a look at these differences.

Social anxiety disorder involves a persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. This fear can affect work, school, and other day-to-day activities that involve being around others.

Shyness can also make you uncomfortable in social situations, but the difference is in the intensity and effects of your fear. People with social anxiety disorder may feel their anxiety is so strong that it’s beyond their control. It might also feel like anxiety takes over many parts of your life.

Social anxiety doesn’t affect everyone the same way either. Some people with social anxiety disorder experience anxiety only in certain social situations, and others might have anxiety that shows up only in performance-related settings, like public speaking.

It may feel as if your social anxiety or even shyness is out of your control, but it isn’t. There are ways to manage these feelings, however persistent they might seem.

Fermented foods and probiotics are known to bring many physical benefits, such as digestion and cardiac health. What you might not know, though, is that according to research, probiotics can also give you a mental health boost.

In one study, people who ate more fermented foods had fewer social anxiety symptoms. While more research is needed to solidify this link — and probiotics alone are unlikely to make social anxiety disappear completely — adding more probiotics into your diet could be a small yet effective way to help reduce some social anxiety.

While adding probiotics to your diet might help lessen some social anxiety, a couple of things could also make it worse — including that morning cup of coffee or energy drink. Older research shows caffeine can increase feelings of panic and anxiety in people who already experience anxiety.

And in an animal study, consuming more caffeine in adolescence was linked to higher levels of anxiety in adulthood.

Like caffeine, alcohol may not be the best option if you’re looking to reduce feelings of social anxiety. Some people use alcohol as a social lubricant, and it can work in the short term. But if using alcohol to soothe social anxiety becomes a habit, it can make you feel more anxious in regular settings over time.

Some research also suggests that alcohol could increase anxiety in shy people the day after drinking it. Even moderate amounts can affect your mood and anxiety level, so it’s a good idea to be mindful about how often you use it to take the edge off anxiety in social settings.

Talking one-on-one with a therapist may cause feelings of discomfort if you already experience social anxiety. But some alternative therapeutic methods could involve less of this one-on-one time.

For example, virtual reality cognitive behavioral therapy (VR-CBT) allows you to face your fears — like striking up a conversation with a stranger or giving a speech — in a virtual landscape. This form of therapy could allow you to practice communicating in a lower-pressure setting.

While VR-CBT shows promise for helping people manage social anxiety, it might not be available in your area. If you prefer less talk and more tech, biofeedback could be another, more accessible option.

You might also find a therapy that takes you out of your comfort zone — like group therapy — is your preferred approach to address anxiety, and research backs this up. One study on cognitive behavioral group therapy for social anxiety found it helped people reduce symptoms in the long term.

The physical act of smiling could impact mood and shyness.

In short, being happy can make us smile. But smiling can also make us happy. In one study, smiling in scary situations helped shy children reduce social anxiety.

And it’s not just smiling that might help alter your mood. You can practice:

good posture
loosening the muscles in your face
relaxing your eyebrows

On the other hand, research has also found that people with social anxiety might already be used to smiling more than people without it. In another study, people with social anxiety smiled more often to mirror the person they were talking with.

If you feel exhausted by the idea of smiling any more than you already do, that’s OK, too.

You may be thinking: “But that’s the problem. I can’t!” The trick is in setting manageable goals for yourself.

For example, if you’re new to running, you probably wouldn’t begin by signing up for a marathon. Instead, you might start by running only a minute at a time and walking for a while, too. The same can apply when dealing with shyness and social anxiety.

Instead of taking on more than you can handle, you might begin by setting a goal you know you can complete. And that will look different for everyone.

For one person, a good first goal might be texting a friend to say “hi.” For another, it might look like taking a walk around the park when more people are outside.

To identify that kind of a goal, the key is to be honest with yourself about what steps you can take. If you tend to put a lot of pressure on yourself, you might need to scale back the goal to make it more manageable. Or maybe you need to push a bit beyond your comfort zone.

When it comes to identifying what’s possible given your own social anxiety or shyness, you’re the expert.

Partaking in activities you like can be a great way to manage social anxiety. By focusing your attention on something like yoga, drawing, or gardening, you can give yourself a chance to have fun without worrying about judgment from other people.

It’s important to give your mind a break from all that sometimes. Some research even notes that pursuing an activity just because it’s fun is connected to better mental health and good outcomes in therapy.

And none of what you do has to be for show or put on display. You can blog, paint, build birdhouses, or go for a bike ride all for yourself. It’s all about your own enjoyment.

Like one-on-one therapy, reaching out to a friend might be something that feels a little threatening if you’re shy or experiencing social anxiety disorder. But if there’s someone in your life you trust, initiating conversations with them can help them understand you better.

There’s no need to be ashamed or misunderstood for your social anxiety. By practicing expressing your feelings to a friend, you can learn to open up and feel more comfortable making conversation in general.

It may seem counterintuitive, but trying to wish away the things that cause your anxiety isn’t usually the best answer. Instead, consider putting your worries on the spot.

When you notice yourself beginning to feel anxious, you may want to identify exactly what’s making you feel this way. By really focusing your attention inward and having an honest discussion with yourself about what your fears are, you may be in a better position to understand your shyness or social anxiety.

If you feel like you want to take more steps in learning or treating shyness and social anxiety, more resources are available for you. You can check out the National Social Anxiety Center for more info and support or Psych Central’s own resource on treating social anxiety.

There are many ways to help reduce feelings of social anxiety and live life more at ease. Finding the right solutions for you can be a process, but there’s no doubt that it’s a process worthwhile.

How to Stop Being Shy: 12 Tips for Socializing

If you have a lifetime of shyness under your belt, you’ve probably heard of well-intentioned guidance:

“All you have to do is smile, and say hello!”
“Just go talk to them. They won’t bite.”
“Stop overthinking everything.”

This advice, of course, often comes from people who have little (if any) experience with shyness themselves. Chronic shyness goes beyond the brief feelings of uneasiness and nervousness most people experience in certain situations, like the first day of a new job.

Truly shy people tend to feel self-conscious and uncomfortable in most social situations.

Maybe the thought of meeting new people leaves you shaky, sweaty, and nauseous. You doubt other people have any interest in you, and, during conversations, you worry what the other person thinks about you.

In short, shyness isn’t something you can cast off simply by pasting on a smile.

Shyness usually doesn’t disappear on its own, but the 12 strategies below can help you take steps toward feeling more comfortable around others and with yourself.

Experts generally agree that shyness develops in response to a combination of factors, like:

genetics
childhood environment
life experiences

Parenting tactics, for example, may drive shyness.

If your parents:

Over-emphasized potential dangers: You might grow up approaching unknown people and situations with extreme caution and reserve.
Set strict rules around what you could and couldn’t do: You might feel uncomfortable stepping beyond those limits, even in adulthood.
Were shy or anxious themselves: You probably observed and eventually began to model this response.

Instability in your environment can also contribute, like:

moving often
experiencing bullying
living in an unsafe neighborhood
going through major family dynamic changes due to divorce or death

Any of these factors can have an impact on how you handle social interactions.

Shyness can also develop in adolescence and adulthood. If you faced rejection from your peers or teachers and supervisors singled you out for criticism, it’s only natural you might begin to fear the possibility of similarly humiliating experiences in the future.

Working to uncover where shyness comes from can help you find the right tools to reshape your fear.

People often think of shyness, social anxiety, and introversion as the same thing.

Some shy people do meet the criteria for social anxiety disorder (or introversion, or both). That said, social anxiety is a mental health condition, while shyness is not.

Social anxiety involves a persistent fear of rejection, disapproval, and criticism from others. This fear might become overwhelming enough that you begin avoiding social settings entirely.

If you’re shy, you might feel uncomfortable around new people at first, but find it easier to interact the more you get to know them. Shyness won’t necessarily cause the intense distress that social anxiety does.

It’s also possible that people assume you’re shy when you simply prefer your own company.

If you’re introverted, you might not have any trouble socializing — when you’re in the mood to be social, that is.

You don’t avoid other people because you feel self-conscious or worry what they think about you. You choose to spend time alone, because you need a good dose of solitude to feel your best.

Take a moment to consider shyness from an evolutionary perspective.

If you were outgoing, you might have ventured out to explore new areas, find resources, and interact with other communities. If you were shy, you might have stayed close to home to avoid possible threats.

Both roles are necessary. But, while exploration might help you make new discoveries, it also puts you in the path of potential dangers. Sticking to one place keeps you safe.

That said, it can be helpful to highlight your strengths instead of seeing shyness as a flaw. Recognizing the areas where your skills really shine can provide a boost to your self-confidence that may, in turn, help diminish feelings of self-doubt and insecurity.

Maybe you’re great with animals, a talented artist, or a driven researcher. Perhaps you’re a compassionate listener, and family and friends always seek your advice.

The world needs balance, and what better way to achieve that balance than with different personality types?

Sure, it might take you more time to open up. But you have plenty of valuable traits, like empathy, sensitivity, and caution, to offer when you do.

If you know someone who seems to make new friends every time they walk into a room, you might envy their outgoing nature and envision yourself navigating social settings with the same ease.

That’s not impossible, but it’s usually more helpful to take smaller steps first.

Start by exploring the ways in which shyness affects your life:

“I want a relationship, but I’m too shy to meet people in person.”
“Class participation makes up 5 percent of my grade. But I’m too nervous to share, because I don’t know anyone.”
“I have a lot of ideas for this new project at work, but what if no one likes them?”

Then, use that list to create simple goals, like starting a conversation with a classmate or using a dating app to find potential partners.

The spotlight effect, in simple terms, refers to the (generally false) assumption that other people notice everything you do and say, almost as if a spotlight were shining on you.

This cognitive bias can easily contribute to feelings of shyness or social anxiety.

When you worry people will notice and judge your mistakes or quirks, you’re more likely to hang back on the edges of a crowd where you can safeguard yourself from possible rejection.

In reality, though, most people tend to be less observant than you imagine — in part because they’re thinking about their own spotlight. You might feel as if all eyes are on you, but that usually isn’t the case.

Not convinced? Ask yourself how much you notice about the people around you and what they’re doing at any given time.

If you’re shy, casual conversations can be nerve-wracking.

Even when you have plenty to say on a particular topic, worries about how others in the conversation perceive you might push those insights or witty remarks right out of your head.

You might end up nodding a lot or asking questions, so you don’t have to volunteer information.

Asking questions can keep the conversation going, but it doesn’t help people get to know you. In other words, you aren’t really connecting.

Explore ways to get to know someone without all the questions.

Instead of wondering what they think about you or trying to figure out what you should say, use active listening skills to focus on the flow of the conversation.

Tuning in to what they’re saying can help you stop cycling through fears of sounding awkward or saying something embarrassing. You’ll probably have an easier time recognizing when to share your thoughts more naturally — and you won’t find yourself startled when they ask you a question.

Some shy people get through social interactions behind a mask of confidence.

But “fake it ’til you make it” doesn’t work for everyone. Putting up a front of boldness you don’t actually feel can even leave you more anxious that everyone will see through you.

It’s fine to admit you’re nervous or let people know you want to ease into a group at your own pace. People might even let you know how much they appreciate the effort you’re making. And their positive reactions can bolster your confidence authentically.

Always skip the white lies, even if you think pretending will keep conversations moving.

It might seem completely harmless to tell your new roommates, “Yoga? That’s my favorite way to unwind. ” But imagine how this can backfire. They might invite you to their Sunday yoga practice when, in reality, you’ve never even done a Downward-Facing Dog.

Instead, tell the truth: “I’ve never tried yoga, but I’d like to!”

Support from someone you trust can help you feel more comfortable in situations that spark the most dread.

Of course, you can’t bring someone with you everywhere you go, but the idea here is that eventually you’ll feel ready to face those situations alone.

Ask a friend, family member, or roommate to come along the next time you do something social, whether that’s a quiz night, party, or just a shopping trip.

Their presence might offer enough reassurance that you have an easier time navigating interactions without stumbling over your words or forgetting what you wanted to say.

Some people also find it helpful to have some “practice” interactions with loved ones, so they can get used to responding to positive comments, negative feedback, and everything in between. And, don’t forget, interacting with loved ones is another helpful way to sharpen communication skills.

Tip: Ask a loved one to role-play situations where you feel most uncomfortable, such as being singled out for attention.

So maybe you have a hard time opening up to new people right away, or you feel a little uneasy before you have to speak to someone new.

While this might mean you don’t make friends or find dates as easily as more outgoing people do, it’s worth noting that a little caution never hurts.

Holding back when you meet new people gives you the chance to learn more about them before you dive headfirst into a friendship or relationship.

It also creates more space for trust to develop, and trust is always a good thing. A slow start often leads to stronger relationships down the line, after all.

However your shyness came to be, at the end of the day, it’s simply part of your personality.

You can work to become less shy, but, if your shyness doesn’t cause any problems, you probably don’t need to push yourself to overcome it.

For example, maybe you don’t feel any particular urge to meet new people, but you have no trouble greeting someone when introduced. Perhaps you feel nervous before talking to your boss, but you handle conversations successfully when needed — even if your heart beats a little faster.

So you don’t enjoy socializing much. Not everyone does!

If you’re both shy and introverted, you might feel perfectly satisfied with your current level of social interaction, since it leaves you plenty of time to recharge and unwind on your own.

Skipping out on social events entirely often feels a lot safer than trying your best to make friends and failing.

Avoiding people might protect you from rejection, but the downside is that you might face loneliness instead.

If you want to expand your social circle, you’ll eventually have to find some way to connect with others.

Exploring your interests — hiking, crafting, dancing, cooking, etc. — through classes, community events, or even apps, like Meetup, can help you find potential friends and partners who share your interests.

Find more tips for making friends.

Shyness itself isn’t a mental health condition, but it can lead to unwanted emotional distress over time.

If nothing seems to help you relax in social situations, a good next step might be reaching out to a professional.

A therapist can offer guidance with:

managing physical symptoms you experience
exploring causes of shyness in more detail
recognizing social anxiety and other concerns
challenging and reframing thoughts that prompt avoidance
exploring strategies to navigate social situations

Speaking of physical symptoms, you can also try some breathing or body movement exercises that are known to manage anxiety. Start with these breathing exercises that can soothe anxiety of all kinds.

While shyness isn’t always something to be concerned about, it can prevent you from building connections with others and leave you lonely when you desire closeness.

If your shyness makes it difficult to build the close relationships you’d like to have, consider connecting with a therapist who can help you get more insight into the underlying factors, set achievable goals, and work toward self-acceptance.

Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.

How to overcome shyness: 6 secrets of famous people

28,036

Know yourself

Lev Landau's method

Face your fears

Nobel Prize winner, physicist Lev Landau suffered greatly because of his own shyness. It often seemed to him that people around him saw his absurdity and secretly laughed at him. Then he decided to knock out a wedge with a wedge - to go towards what drove him into fear. His biographers give such a story. "Would you be kind enough to answer one question?" - Lev turns to the self-confident bearded man, who looks like a Nepman. He stops. "Why are you wearing a beard?" Leo continues in the same gracious tone. In order to wean himself from worrying about someone else's opinion, he walked along Nevsky Prospekt with a balloon tied to his hat. nine0003

The Mahatma Gandhi Method

Make others need you

Mahatma Gandhi was very shy about speaking in public and talking to other people. He also had difficulty standing up for his opinion. Having chosen the profession of a lawyer, Gandhi at first felt uncomfortable: he did not succeed in public speeches, he confused words and had poor self-control. In the end, he decided to change the situation and went to work in South Africa, where many Indians worked. It was there that recognition came to him: many compatriots who faced injustice turned to him for help, and he tried not to refuse anyone. So Gandhi not only gained communication experience, but also realized his main goal - to fight for the rights of the oppressed. nine0003

“One of the best ways to overcome social anxiety is to volunteer, doing social work that involves helping other people,” advises Bernardo Garducci, psychologist and director of the Institute for the Study of Shyness at Southeast Indiana University (USA). - First, you will master the skills of behavior in different social situations. Secondly, you will feel useful and needed, and this will give you strength.

Gloria Estefan Method

Find your inspiration

The future famous singer Gloria Estefan was so shy that it seemed that her musical career was closed to her. But her future husband Emilio, who saw in her a huge talent, constantly pushed her to work on herself. “Emilio saw in me what I could not show to other people,” Gloria later admitted. “People mistook my shyness for coldness and lifelessness. He tried to give me confidence."

Shy people who are often overcome by self-doubt need a support group. “It is important that this is not a deliverer who would reassure you, and not a persecutor who would criticize your mistakes,” emphasizes Bernardo Garducci. “You need someone who will push you to action, to development.” Such a mentor can be a coach, coach or just a close person. And for the inventor Thomas Edison, the artist Pablo Picasso and the musician Ray Charles, the mother was such a living talisman. “My mother told me: “If you become a soldier, you will become a general. If you become a monk, you will become a pope.” Instead, I became a Picasso artist,” Picasso said. nine0003

The Stephen King Method

Don't Give Yourself Time to Doubt

Writer Stephen King once said in an interview: “There are a million opportunities for self-doubt. If I write quickly, writing down the plot as it comes to mind, only checking the names and salient points of the characters' biographies, I manage to maintain the initial enthusiasm and at the same time escape from the self-doubts that are just waiting for the moment.

“The ability to think deeply is not to be confused with the tendency to obsess over something,” says psychologist Barr Taylor. The more a shy person thinks about the problems they may face, the more their anxiety grows. On the contrary, if you find yourself in a situation that causes you anxiety, you are more likely to understand how to act. nine0003

Eleanor Roosevelt Method

Think of others, not yourself

Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of US President Franklin Roosevelt, suffered from timidity and shyness all her life. However, she was able to overcome this trait of her character by making empathy her forte. She supported women and blacks in their fight for equal rights, winning the love of many ordinary Americans. Psychologist Susan Cain believes that Eleanor Roosevelt managed to transform her sensitivity into altruism. nine0003

For example, actress Geraldine Chaplin, Charlie Chaplin's daughter, followed the same strategy: “Before appearing in public, I forbid myself to think about myself. No, I don’t belittle myself, I just stop cultivating my ego - but how will they react to me, and what will they say about me? I turn into an active listener, an active observer, and over time I get so carried away with the process that I stop thinking about how I look myself, whether I say it or not. nine0003

Albert Einstein's method

Find something that fascinates you

The creator of probability theory grew up as a modest and very timid boy. He did not share the interests of other teenagers and was an outsider in companies. However, his passion for physics gave him strength and self-confidence. He found friends and associates who shared his intellectual interests. By the way, Einstein's timidity did not extend to science. He owns the following words: "A man who never made a mistake, never tried to do something new." nine0003

Bernardo Garducci agrees that shyness disappears as soon as we fully immerse ourselves in what we really like. “I remember that I almost died of fear when I first stepped on stage,” admits actor Harrison Ford. - But then I was "dragged", and after a while I could no longer live without the theater. This is what saved me. Otherwise, I would have remained a failure for the rest of my life.”

Source: Books Bernardo Carducci "Shyness: A Bold New Approach" (Harper Perennial, 2000), Susan Cain "Introverts. How to use the features of your character” (Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2013). nine0003

Text: Anton Soldatov Photo source: Getty Images

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4 really working ways from experts

It is generally accepted that a shy person has a whole set of positive qualities. He is balanced, modest, restrained. However, few people realize that such people do not live easy. Many of them are trying to find ways to overcome shyness and experience the joy of easy communication. nine0003

What a timid person is

Shyness is a state of neuropsychic tension, accompanied by various disorders from:

autonomic nervous system;
emotional-volitional sphere;
psychomotor;
speech function;
thought processes;
self-awareness.

Shyness causes serious constant difficulties in communicating with others, especially in unusual situations. They often occur when you need to communicate with a stranger or be in a large company of people.

The feeling of embarrassment is a psychological barrier that prevents a person from fully communicating.

What does "shy" mean

A downward gaze, a wandering smile, an unhealthy pallor and blush on the cheeks - a mask that hides a real internal struggle with one's own "I". The essence of shyness perfectly reflects the name itself - a combination of the words "behind" and "wall". nine0003

A shy person fences himself off from the whole world, lives in his shell, where sometimes even his relatives do not let him in. He hardly trusts people, fearing a dirty trick in their every word and deed, afraid of invading his comfort zone.

Fear, distrust and fear of others are a fundamental feature of a shy personality.

Social psychologist Philip Zimbardo, who became the organizer of the famous prison experiment at Stanford, wrote the book How to Overcome Shyness. In it, he calls the problem of shyness a mental illness that cripples the psyche no less than the most severe bodily ailment. nine0003

From the point of view of psychology, shyness is a character trait, and it manifests itself:

indecision;
timidity;
tension;
stiffness and awkwardness in society.

There are several reasons for this - self-doubt, distrust of others, insufficiently developed social and communication skills.

nine0008 External signs of shyness

It is very easy to recognize a shy person - he tries to avoid new acquaintances, spontaneous situations and large companies. He prefers to remain silent, even when asked for his opinion, does not fight for his rights.

An insecure person is constantly embarrassed, often blushes, he is not characterized by a wide sincere smile. His strong desire to leave is striking if a large company has gathered. Moreover, it can be only 5-6 guests who came to a family dinner. nine0003

Sign up for an online consultation if you want to get rid of shyness. Our doctors will test online to determine the depth of the problem and the factor that provoked it. Based on the results of the tests, the specialist will select the most effective technique for overcoming shyness.

How to remove constraint

There are many ways to get rid of shyness and stop being withdrawn. The choice of a specific method depends on why a person has these qualities. For example, children may be assigned family therapy sessions if shyness is due to the wrong parenting style. nine0003

Adults successfully overcome the complex of dislike by parents through the techniques of symbol drama and flashback. If modesty and shyness are caused by the environment, group and role-play trainings are held to develop communication skills and learn how to communicate easily.

Case study:

Tanya, 13 years old, has been shy since early childhood. She has always had a shy look and communication problems. The family is complete and prosperous in all respects. The psychologist conducted a hypnosis session and found out that tactile contacts were not accepted between relatives. The mother did not allow hugs and kisses, which led to the loss of physical and emotional contact. As a result, the child became insecure. nine0003

To overcome the feeling of shyness, a number of other methods are used in modern psychology:

beatotherapy, which involves contacts with the same timid people;
synchromethod, or the key method - learning to control one's psychophysical state in stressful situations - during public speaking, when meeting a new person;
imagotherapy - activation of creative abilities that enrich the personality of a person; nine0084
paradoxical intention - a gradual immersion of a person in a situation of communication in order to form a habit and adequately respond to them;
applied relaxation - reduces anxiety during stress caused by the need to interact with others;
rational psychotherapy is a person's conviction that modesty and shyness are negative qualities and negatively affect all areas of life.

This list can be continued, since there are many methods for getting rid of shyness. Working with a professional psychologist guarantees a favorable result. Regardless of the type of shyness, a person gains self-confidence and communication skills necessary for meaningful communication. He begins to make new acquaintances and quickly climbs the career ladder.

What to do if you are too modest: 4 ways that really work

Affirmations are one of the simplest, sweetest, yet most effective ways to beat shyness. Every day, at a convenient time, say, listen to, or mentally scroll through a few affirmation phrases. You can invent them yourself or use those indicated in the table.

No.	Statement nine0003
one	When I am among people, I am absolutely calm and relaxed.
2	It's easy for me to ask for help when I need it.
3 nine0178	I trust others and they trust me
4	I myself create my own social circle, comfortable for me
five	It's easy for me to make new friends
6	I can boldly express my opinion, defend my point of view
7	I feel freedom and lightness in thoughts and movements
eight	nine0004 When everyone is looking at me, I feel relaxed and free.

Attention! It is important to believe in every word, to try to feel every phrase.

2 - get out of your comfort zone

“The wedge is knocked out with a wedge” - this saying will surely work if you face fear face to face. You just need to do the things that usually make you act shy and timid. For example: nine0003

go up to a nice guy (girl) and ask: “what time is it?”, “where is the nearest pharmacy?”, “how to get to the bus stop?”. Any phrase appropriate in the circumstances will do;
contact the boss with some initiative - introduce a five-minute warm-up after every 2 hours of work, rearrange furniture, shift goods depending on demand or seasonality;
speak at the morning planning meeting / meeting with a report on the work done, plans for the future. nine0084

Attention! If you periodically go beyond the comfort zone, you can make sure that there is nothing to worry about. People around you perceive you calmly and kindly.

3 - try the scale exercise

List the situations that make you especially shy, in order of importance. That is, put the most traumatic situation in the first place, and then in descending order of tension.

Ask the cashier to check the price on the check or return the money for some product.
Ask a passer-by for the time or directions.
Invite a colleague to a cafe / on a date.
Meet a girl.

It remains to perform these actions, overcoming shyness and timidity in communication.

Sign up for an online consultation if you are concerned about excessive shyness. Our psychologists will identify the cause of this condition, conduct a psychoanalysis of the situation, work through fears, anxieties, teach you how to manage emotions, and are ready to answer questions around the clock. nine0003

4 - talk about your shyness

This advice is especially relevant for those who want to overcome shyness in a relationship. Practice shows that discussing your own shyness with a partner reduces its negative impact.

According to psychologists, the demonstration of vulnerability contributes to rapprochement and increased trust in a couple. It is advisable to admit to shyness at the very beginning of the acquaintance, so that it would be easier to communicate in the future. nine0003

If you are tense, be honest and open about how you feel. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, so:

do not postpone the excitement "for later", express it immediately;
talk to your partner about your feelings in real time;
do not dwell on the fact that you are a shy person;
express emotions, do not drive them inside. But when you have spoken, switch to another topic; nine0084
let your partner console you if he makes such attempts.

FAQ

Is shyness innate?

The role of heredity in this matter has not been studied enough. Presumably, a person's genetic predisposition to shyness is of some importance. However, it has not yet been possible to find out exactly what is more important - heredity or the child's copying of the parental model of behavior, if shyness is also characteristic of family members. nine0003

What does the method of paradoxical intentions mean?

This is a kind of "opposite therapy", when a person exaggerates the possible consequences of their actions. Imagine, for example, that during a public speech, your already shy face will turn purple, large drops of sweat will flow from it, and a large trembling will begin to beat your hands. In most cases, exaggerating events helps to remove fear for a long time. nine0003

Is it true that shyness can hide behind a mask of bravado and impudence?

Yes, this type of people exist. They can behave quite assertively and even cheekily, thereby trying to hide their embarrassment at least a little. A number of psychologists believe that shyness can make a person aggressive.

Why do psychologists advise reciting poetry, learning tongue twisters?

Fast and clear pronunciation of tongue twisters, reading poems relieves psycho-emotional clamps and shyness. For greater effect, this can be done in front of a mirror.

Expert opinion

Shyness is akin to social phobia. Both phenomena mean a fear of social contacts, and it is not easy to overcome it. A shy person must correct the image of his "I". To fully work with the problem, you first need to establish the cause of its occurrence. How to overcome shyness is well known by clinical psychologists who consult remotely on our website. nine0003

We publish only verified information

Article author

Monakhova Albina Petrovna clinical psychologist nine0003

Experience 17 years

Consultations 1439

Articles 292

Specialist in clinical psychology.