Men in relationship
Understanding Men In Relationships: 7 Truths About How Guys Think
1.
There's no blueprint for how men think in relationships
Sorry! There is no one way all men think in relationships. For every 10 guys out there who are scared of intimacy or prefer to take things slow, there are another 10 guys out there who are hopeless romantics just waiting for the chance to settle down with the right person and start a family.
It's really convenient to blame any tension, confusion, or disagreements with our boyfriends or potential partners on the idea that "men are just different." But the truth is, no two men will be exactly the same in the ways they approach relationships. If you feel like you don't understand the way your partner is behaving, that's not because he's a guy—it's because he's
not you. He's a whole, separate human being who does not think the same way you do, and to understand how he thinks and what he wants, you're going to need to just ask him. Nothing you read on the internet will fully explain why the particular man you're dealing with is the way he is. Only he can tell you.
2.
Men and women are not intrinsically different
Culturally, we do tend to raise boys and girls differently: Boys are rewarded for being tough and adventurous, while girls are rewarded for being good caretakers. Research shows parents use more words about emotions with their daughters (supporting better emotional intelligence) and more words about spatial objects with their sons (supporting better STEM skills). That stuff all sticks with us and affects the kinds of people men and women grow up to be.
"Different genders are socialized differently and, generally speaking, often have different societal expectations," explains Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, sex therapist and director at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center. "Of course, people push back on the ways in which their world is trying to socialize them and push back on those expectations.
However, this difference could have impacts on how people think, interact, and navigate the world."
That means the differences between men and women are not inherent: Women are not "naturally" better at talking about their feelings, and men are not "naturally" more logical. It's important not to make assumptions about what your man is and isn't capable of based on his gender, nor to pigeonhole him into certain stereotypes. Don't assume how he feels about things just because he's a man.
Advertisement
This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.
3.
Some men need space, and it's not because they're falling in love
There's a pervasive cultural myth that men are mean or act distant when they like you or that men pull away when they are falling in love. But this is another one of those convenient excuses: We tell ourselves that when someone is pulling away, it's because they like us too much. It's easier to believe that than to just admit that they might not be as interested in you as you thought.
If your boyfriend or partner asks for space, ask them what they mean by that and why they need it. It's totally normal to want alone time in a relationship, but you shouldn't make assumptions about why they need it. Ask for clarity about what your man is experiencing when he asks for space so you can better understand what they need and whether you're able to give it to him. If you're feeling lonely in your relationship, you can tell him that. Open and honest communication is the key to figuring out the best way to approach these situations so that everybody's needs are being met.
4.
Some men fear commitment and intimacy
And so do some women. This isn't gender-specific.
Some people do experience fear when falling in love—because it's really scary to be that vulnerable! When you're falling in love, you have the possibility of getting hurt. Some people instinctively run away from serious relationships because they're too afraid of that possibility of heartbreak.
Again, it's easier to choose to leave yourself than to suffer through a possible rejection.
This behavior is common among people with an avoidant attachment style. Your attachment style is your way of behaving in relationships, and it's shaped based on your earliest interactions with your first caregivers (more on that here). The three main adult attachment styles are secure attachment (you can easily love and be loved by others), anxious attachment style (you tend to need a lot of attention and validation to feel love), and avoidant attachment style (you tend to need a lot of space and can feel suffocated in relationships).
Some research suggests men are more likely to develop an avoidant attachment style, potentially because of the aforementioned differences in how boys and girls are treated in childhood.
"Generally speaking, I don't think men are afraid of commitment," Kahn adds. "One could argue that because masculinity can be associated with not being vulnerable, and commitment and intimacy involve vulnerability, that some men may appear or experience fear or resistance to commitment.
"
Advertisement
This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.
5.
Men aren't encouraged to engage with their feelings
It's not true that "men don't talk about their emotions," Kahn says. That's just another stereotype we have, and unfortunately it becomes a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
"As a therapist, I talk to men all the time about their emotions," he explains. "With that said, a lot of the men I've worked with communicate feeling pressure or being socialized to avoid talking about sadness, emotional pain, relationship or emotional hardship, vulnerability, and any emotions they have internalized as weak."
If you're with a man who struggles to talk about his emotions, be gentle and encouraging with him. Ask him questions that help him open up, and express gratitude when he does—even if his feelings are difficult for you to hear. Give him positive reinforcement when he does talk about his feelings so that he knows he's safe with you.
Lack of communication can ruin a relationship, so this is definitely an area to work on for any couples in which talking about feelings is difficult. Here are a few ways to boost emotional intelligence.
6.
Men don't know what women want
But here's the thing: Nobody knows what anybody wants—unless they get told directly. Like anyone else, men are not mind-readers. If you don't tell someone what you want, how can you expect them to know?
If you feel like your partner is not meeting your needs or giving you the things you want in a relationship, talk to him about it. It's very well possible that he doesn't know what your expectations or desires are, and a conversation about it can make all the difference. Don't expect him to "just know."
Advertisement
This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.
7.
The male brain is not a mystery
Understanding men is not about reading up everything there is to know about "male psychology"—because, at the end of the day, your man is different from other men.
Even general trends in male behavior are just trends, and there will always be outliers. If you want to know what a man wants in a relationship, just ask him.
In general, though, just remember: Men are just like any other human being. They want to be complimented, taken care of, challenged, listened to, and loved just like the rest of us.
Advertisement
This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features.
10 Things a Real Man Does When He's in a Relationship
Some women feel a “Real Man” doesn’t exist—that he is impossible to find. Other women do not want someone like him. On the other hand, some men think they are the very definition of a “Real Man.” Other men feel there is no such thing. One thing is true, though: Those men who think they are the very definition of a “Real Man” and those who think they are not are both very often wrong.
If you want to know if you are a real man or are in a relationship with a real man, watch the actions.
A real man behaves so different from the selfish frat boy types you see everywhere that you can’t fail to notice the difference. He is a gentleman—good for more than just the first few months. Importantly, a real man does things so well when he is in a relationship that you just have to love him and his style.
1. A real man loves and respects his woman for who she is.
He might not love her all the time, but he loves her. Not just her body, her possessions and her status, but all of her! He’s aware that as beautiful as her body is now, physical beauty fades. He therefore focuses his love and attention on her true beauty, which is found within her sensibilities and personality. He treats her like a lady, with dignity and respect. He doesn’t mind cooking her favorite meal, taking her out to wine and dine and paying the bills. He also expects love and respect from her.
⌄ Scroll down to continue reading article ⌄
⌄ Scroll down to continue reading article ⌄
2.
A real man commits to the relationship fully.He doesn’t cheat. He is loyal to his partner and knows that relationships take hard work to keep strong and healthy. His affection to his woman is a full-time commitment. He nourishes and strengthens the relationship through ongoing, honest communication and team work. When you are with a real man, you know you can trust him. He will stay faithful no matter what and expects you to do the same.
3. A real man protects his partner physically and emotionally.
Not that a woman can’t protect and defend herself, but he is there for her anyway. He protects her in different ways, including providing financial security and comforting her and making her feel everything will be okay. He is ready to throw a good punch if necessary to defend her from physical aggressors. However, he thinks before he acts. He never makes a move until he is sure all details and specifics are in order. His moves are calculated, deliberate and assured. Abuse of any kind is never an issue when you are with him.
He is considerate and treats everyone kindly.
4. A real man fulfills his partner mentally and sexually.
He knows the majority of time in any relationship is spent doing nonphysical, nonsexual things. Besides whispering to her how beautiful she is or how he is going to make hot, passionate love to her when he gets back home in the evening, he also engages her in meaningful discussions about life, plans with her for the future, and cracks jokes to lighten and liven moments together. He displays an awareness, intelligence and sensitivity that makes his actions not only timely, but also genuinely charming.
⌄ Scroll down to continue reading article ⌄
⌄ Scroll down to continue reading article ⌄
5. A real man takes the first initiative—he leads.
That’s because he wears the pants in the relationship. Of course, the pants are picked out by his woman, but he is still the leader. He steps forward and addresses issues in the relationship boldly.
He does not wait for the woman to solve problems. If he is not sure how to address an issue, he seeks help or advice. Some men play it safe and avoid taking the lead because they don’t want to be criticized, but not a real man. A real man says, “I’ll handle it,” and takes the initiative to solve the issue in his way.
6. A real man steps up and makes the tough decisions.
He knows real men are decisive and he makes decisions in the relationship. He does not leave every other decision to his partner. When making decisions, he seeks to understand her views (and that of other concerned parties) and is flexible enough to factor in those other views in his decisions. He does not seek to control people, but rather to improve their situation. If you are reluctant to make decisions, you are likely self-conscious and afraid of making mistakes. Women dislike indecisive, cowardly men.
7. A real man takes responsibility for his actions and decisions.
He does not shift blame (especially to his partner) or try to defend his mistakes.
He simply acknowledges when he has made a mistake, apologizes for it, learns from it and works to make it right. Saying, “I am sorry,” is not a big deal to him. He knows it doesn’t make him any less of a man to say it. In fact, saying he’s sorry makes him more of a man because it demonstrates he has the confidence, courage and integrity to admit his faults and seek to correct them.
⌄ Scroll down to continue reading article ⌄
⌄ Scroll down to continue reading article ⌄
8. A real man speaks his mind—always.
He is not afraid or timid to say what’s on his mind. He will say no without fear whenever he doesn’t agree with something. He will debate you on topics he is not comfortable with without losing his cool. He will be straightforward and talk to you as an equal, then allow you to make your own conclusions or take whatever action you wish. This does not mean he is indifferent or treats women badly.
He just doesn’t agree with her on everything. He knows a “Yes-man” is no man at all.
9. A real man stands up for the relationship.
Sometimes friends, family and even total strangers ask inappropriate questions or make inappropriate remarks about your relationship, such as saying you are not a “good couple.” In such cases, a real man stands up for himself and defends the legitimacy and integrity of his relationship. Even when he is among his peers, he speaks up and stands his ground in defense of his relationship. This proves he can express himself in the presence others, protect his woman and act like a grown man.
10. A real man pursues other passion(s) that don’t involve his partner.
He has enough going on in his life to keep him busy. That means he is, at least, passionate about one other thing besides his relationship. The relationship does not define him. He will give you your space and you must give him his. He is a confident, ambitious go-getter. He’s a real man!
⌄ Scroll down to continue reading article ⌄
⌄ Scroll down to continue reading article ⌄
Featured photo credit: Ed Ivanushkin via flickr.
com
What a man should do in a relationship: tips and mistakes
What a man should do in a relationship: tips and mistakes: PexelsWomen sometimes make sacrifices in relationships. Men take it for granted, and this attitude destroys the union. What men should do in a relationship and what mistakes they most often make, psychologists Sonia Schwartz, Lachlan Brown and Mikhail Labkovsky told.
What should a man do in a relationship?
In relations with a woman, a man must take responsibility, provide for and love the chosen one, protect her, support and show respect for her, satisfy her needs. nine0005
Be Responsible
Relationship expert Sonya Schwartz believes that many men have no idea about their role in a relationship. They just meet women for fun and take their care for granted.
To maintain a relationship, a man needs to be responsible for his words and actions. This applies to both helping around the house and solving everyday problems, as well as the ability to admit one's mistakes and try to correct them.
Try to provide for the chosen one
It is not unusual for modern women to work. The fair sex work hard, build a career and earn money. This should not be a reason for a man to sit back and enjoy the financial benefits of the chosen one. His task is to work hard, remain a provider and ensure the well-being of his woman.
Become a support and protection for a woman
Most of the fair sex is able to defend themselves against aggression. However, subconsciously, each of them wants to feel fragile and defenseless, especially if she has a man. His task is to physically and morally protect his partner. nine0005
Become a support for the chosen one. Offer to help the woman if she seems worried. Comfort her in difficult times, support and let her feel that everything will be fine. Ensure security, including financial. Be prepared to protect her from physical aggressors.
Become a support and protection for a woman: PexelsLove and show respect
Being in a relationship, a man must love and respect the chosen one, accept her for who she is.
Not only her appearance or status in society, but also her personality. No matter how beautiful a woman's body is now, physical beauty will disappear. Therefore, focus not on the appearance of the partner, but on her true beauty, her personality and feelings. nine0005
Treat her with respect and dignity. Show your love and indulge. For example, cook her favorite dishes from time to time, invite her to dine at a restaurant or drink wine under the stars. She will respond to such signs of attention with love and care.
Satisfy your woman sexually and morally
Physical and spiritual intimacy is an important part of any relationship. Spend time intimacy and satisfaction of carnal desires, communicate a lot outside the bedroom.
Do not turn relationships into a forced neighborhood under the same roof. Make it a full part of your life, engage in meaningful conversations about anything, make joint plans, joke. Be aware of your partner's affairs and interests, feel free to whisper in her ear how sexy and attractive she is.
Common mistakes men make in relationships
What does it mean to be a man in a relationship? Being in a relationship, the representatives of the stronger sex must demonstrate independence, be able to solve problems and provide for the family, without relying on outside help. They must respect the chosen one and accept the fact that a woman is not an addition to a man, but, according to practicing psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky, the same person with his own desires, interests and needs. nine0005
Not all representatives of the stronger sex are ready to agree with this. They try to control, devalue a woman and make a number of other mistakes.
What mistakes does a man make in a relationship? Among the most common mistakes are male indecision, lack of interest in the life of a beloved, unwillingness to work on relationships, excessive jealousy and suspicion, attempts to control the chosen one and failure to fulfill promises.
Indecisiveness
Men who are accustomed to the total control of their mother tend to delay solving problems or shift them onto the woman's shoulders. They do not want to take the initiative and be criticized for mistakes, so they completely give the reins to their partner. This behavior is wrong. nine0005
A real man should act differently. He is a leader in relationships, sets a goal, chooses the most effective way to achieve it and acts. He believes in himself, is ready to take the initiative and does not put all serious decisions on his partner.
A real man is a leader in relationships: PexelsLack of interest in a woman's life
Bridestory experts consider one of the most common male mistakes in relationships is only physical presence. It is not enough for a woman to have a man just beside her and unemotionally nod her head in response to pauses in her partner's speech. Engagement is important to her. Put down the phone, be ready to listen to her talk about her work day, her worries about the upcoming meeting with her parents, or the idea of spending time together.
nine0005
Unwillingness to work on relationships
Relationships are the work of both partners, they help in personal growth, solve problems together and find compromises. Many men forget about this and do not pay attention to the development of the couple.
After a quarrel, they never go to make peace first or, for example, roll up a scene of jealousy for no reason. The partner has to "resolve". She feels sadness, resentment and dissatisfaction. For a while, a woman will maintain feelings and try to achieve harmony in a couple, but eventually she will leave. nine0005 Relationships are the work of both partners: Pexels
Jealousy, suspicion and total control
Othello's story taught men nothing. Many of them continue to throw scandals on the basis of jealousy to their chosen ones, suspect them of treason, limit their partner's social circle and are constantly afraid of rejection.
According to practicing psychotherapist Yaroslav Spiridonov, such behavior is dictated by past grievances and self-doubt.
To save a relationship, you should turn to specialists and solve problems with self-esteem, since no normal woman can endure a jealous tyrant for a long time. nine0005
Unfulfilled promises
Practicing psychologist Alexander Shakhov claims that one of the most serious men's mistakes is not keeping promises. If you promised something to your partner and did not fulfill the promise, she will be disappointed and will no longer consider you a reliable rear.
Subconsciously, a woman will no longer feel safe around and will not be able to rely on a partner. Once you broke the word, you can let the chosen one down when she needs help. Such thoughts cause anxiety and insecurity in a woman, which sooner or later result in claims, tantrums and scandals. nine0005
Feminists have somewhat changed gender roles in public and private life.
According to relationship expert Lachlan Brown, women have become less dependent on men. However, in order to build harmonious relationships in a couple, a man must show his masculinity, just like a woman's femininity.
If there is a misunderstanding in a couple, alienation is felt, then this is the fault of both partners. The woman, for her part, and the man, for his part, must reconsider their attitude towards the other half. To live in harmony, modern guys need to work on themselves, take responsibility, show interest in the life of a partner and show her their love. nine0005
Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/relationship/1711318-psihologia-muzcin-v-otnoseniah/
What men really want in a relationship
289,400
Man and woman
Our culture is full of myths about love and love relationships. I encounter this mythology every day when I listen to clients, both men and women.
Unfortunately, it is the belief in these myths that keeps many people in an unhappy marriage, and instills fear in the lonely of love relationships and prevents them from finding partners. It seems to me that my duty as a psychotherapist and writer is to engage in enlightenment and, in particular, to dispel these far from harmless fables. nine0005
Myth. Men only care about sex and nothing else. I usually hear this from women.
Actually. Good sex is indeed an essential part of a healthy relationship. I know as many women as men who love sex and choose partners with whom they will have a lot of sex. Men, in turn, expect a lot from relationships (as we do!), including, of course, sex. But that doesn't mean "only sex."
1. To be respected. nine0004 One of the most common complaints my male clients have is about being disrespected by their wives or mistresses. They admit that it hurts them a lot. Men really need to be appreciated.
Yes, and in our culture it is customary to treat men who are truly respected positively. Therefore, do not forget to express respect to your partner. We all deserve to be appreciated by those we care about.
Men are waiting for us to be gentle and indulgent with them
2. To be treated kindly. nine0004 If I received a dollar every time I hear from a client the phrase “I really want my wife to be gentle with me!” I would have been rich a long time ago. Our men are waiting for us to be gentle and indulgent with them. And women dream about it. Let's go towards each other, for our own good.
3. To show interest in his inner world. Yes, of course, men are from Mars, and women are from Venus - no one has canceled this aspect of heterosexual relationships. But to let your partner know how much you love him, show interest in what he considers important. nine0005
Okay, let's say you don't like sports in general or golf in particular.
And when he starts telling stories, you can hardly suppress a yawn. But try to put a good face on a bad game and act like you're interested too. It is quite possible that you will find that you have a lot more common interests than you thought.
We all want to be loved as we are
4. To be accepted as he is. Let's admit that sometimes we are overly picky. Oh, what happened when I took my husband shopping for the first time, intending to update his wardrobe ... All the time I hear stories of women telling men: “Why are you such a bore?”, “Couldn’t you say something smarter?”, “ In my opinion, you do not overwork at work! nine0005
We all want to be loved for who we are. The next time you feel like criticizing your partner, remember that life is hard and we need to support each other. Keep that in mind and don't try too hard to change the person around you.
5. For her to be faithful to him.
Learn more
