How to get out of frustration

18 Ways to Cope with Frustration

Frustration can be hard to put into words – it’s a complicated mix of anger, disappointment, and annoyance. For most health care workers, frustration levels are particularly high right now as many face PPE shortages, minimal workplace support, and a seemingly careless general public. Anger and frustration aren’t always productive emotions, and while we can’t necessarily control that we feel them, we can control how we react to them. If you need to release some of your pent-up negative energy, here are some healthy ways to do so:

Do some breathing exercises: when having a strong emotional response, you may notice your breath getting faster and shallower. By regulating your breathing, you can get more oxygen to your brain and help yourself calm down. A good technique is 4-7-8 breathing: breathe in for four seconds, hold for seven, breathe out for eight
Progressive muscle relaxation: one of the ways our bodies respond to heightened emotion is with muscle tension. Relieving that physical tension will help your mind relax too. Lay down and work your way through each muscle group: tense as you slowly inhale, and release as you slowly exhale. If you prefer some instruction, try a guided audio.
Meditate: Meditation can be a great way to connect with your feelings, but it can also help you create space between your thoughts and emotions as you settle into self-awareness. Download an app like Headspace or Calm and look for a guided meditation that fits how you’re feeling.
Exercise: Physical activity is a mood booster, helps you regulate stress and adrenaline, and is a healthy way to release pent-up energy. If you can, try going for a run and really focus on your feet hitting the ground. If you prefer instruction, see if your local gym has online classes or search for your favorite type of workout on YouTube.
Yoga: If you prefer low-impact workouts, yoga is a great way to get your body moving in a meaningful way. Yoga Pose has an online directory of poses searchable by symptom (like anxiety or back pain) and has categories including poses for calmness.
Vent: Ruminating on your anger only perpetuates it, so give yourself some time to let it all out with a trusted friend. As long as you don’t focus on it for too long, venting can be a healthy emotional outlet – just try to keep it to 15 minutes, and then move on to more positive conversation. If you want to vent anonymously, try an app like Lyf or reach out to Magellan Health’s free crisis hotline for frontline workers at 1(800) 327-7451.
Journal: If you’re dealing with the the kind of frustration where you can’t even think straight, try writing (or typing) it all out. This can help you process a situation and calm your brain down so you can approach the issue with a more level head.
Get outside: Spend some time in your backyard, go for a walk around the block, or head to your favorite park. If you’re crunched for time, even just stepping out for 60 seconds of fresh air can help you recalibrate. To really help ground yourself, slip off your shoes and let your bare feet touch the dirt or grass.
Manage your expectations of others: Often, negative feelings come from misaligned expectations. Recognize that you can’t fully anticipate anyone else’s behavior; change your own mental framework so that you aren’t holding them to standards they won’t meet – it’s only hurting you.
Treat yourself: Sometimes you just want to lay on the couch with a bag of chips and your favorite movie, and that’s OK! As long as it doesn’t become an unhealthy habit, there’s nothing wrong with treating yourself to some guilty pleasures.
Spend some time with animals: Many people find animals to be a source of comfort and support. Interacting with animals has been shown to decrease levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) and lower blood pressure, as well as elevate levels of serotonin and dopamine, which calm and relax[i].
Distract yourself: Leaning into feelings doesn’t always help. If you need to detach from your anger, try doing something that requires focus (like a puzzle or reading).
Take a nap: We all need a brief reset at times. If you hit a wall where you are completely overwhelmed with everything going on, set a timer for 20 minutes and climb into bed. The rest will do your brain well and checking out for a little bit often helps you go about the rest of your day with a fresh start.
Start a garden or get a new houseplant: Numerous studies have found that the act of gardening can be beneficial for numerous health outcomes, including anxiety and stress reduction[ii]. Don’t have the outdoor space? Taking care of an indoor plant has similar effects on your mental health[iii].
Get creative: Art is a great tool for emotional expression. Crafting, drawing, painting, writing poetry, and other art forms are all healthy ways to channel your anger into something fun.
Turn on some music: Music has a powerful effect on our brains. Search for a playlist of relaxing or happy music to turn your frustration into a more enjoyable emotion. Bonus points if you dance it out!
Get organized: Take ten minutes to clean, plan, or otherwise streamline something in your life. Turning your extra energy into something productive will not only help you get rid of some of that frustration, but you’ll also have accomplished something.
Wash your face: It seems so simple but putting cold water on your face doesn’t just feel refreshing – it triggers your mammalian diving reflex which slows your heart rate and breathing. By reducing the physical symptoms of frustration, you can interrupt your brain’s feedback loop and reduce your emotional frustration as well.

[i] National Institutes of Health. (February 2018). The power of pets: Health benefits of human-animal interactions. NIH News in Health. https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2018/02/power-pets

[ii] Soga, M., Gaston, K.J., & Yamaura, Y. (2017). Gardening is beneficial for health: A meta-analysis. Preventive Medicine Reports, 5, 92-99. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pmedr.2016.11.007

[iii] Lee, M.S., Lee, J., Park, B.J., & Miyazaki, Y. (2015). Interaction with indoor plants may reduce psychological and physiological stress by suppressing autonomic nervous system activity in young adults: a randomized crossover study. Journal of Physiological Anthropology, 34(1). DOI: 10.1186/s40101-015-0060-8

Frustrated? Here's What's Really Going On

Frustration, if left unaddressed, can evolve to helplessness, annoyance, anger, or rage. You can overcome it if you get to the root of it and self-care.

Feelings of frustration are emotions that most of us feel from time to time. If you have a low tolerance for frustration, there are steps you can take to help you keep your anger in check.

Frustration is an emotion that you may experience as a result of feeling powerless or helpless at the moment. It can also be a precursor to anger.

It’s a common feeling that may occur when something doesn’t turn out as you expected, or is outside of your control, like waiting in a long line at the grocery store when you have somewhere else to be.

When something frustrating like this happens, it can create stress, especially if you have a hard time letting things go.

If you’re unsure what to do when frustrated, there are strategies you can use to help minimize the impact of frustration in your life.

When you’re feeling frustrated you can take a moment to pause and breathe. Focusing on your breath and breathing deeply from your diaphragm can help reduce negative feelings and ease any tension you may have in your body, according to a 2017 study.

Sarah Kaufman, a licensed social worker in New York City suggests trying these breathing exercises:

4-7-8 breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds. Repeat 3 times.
Boxed breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and hold for 4 seconds. Repeat 3 times.

To help reap the benefits that come from this exercise, practice slow, controlled breathing that comes from your belly and not your chest.

The next time you’re feeling frustrated stop and ask yourself what may be causing you to feel this way.

You can notice your emotions as they arise.

Emotional wheels are very effective at illustrating root emotions and their related emotions. Putting a name to how you feel might help you to decide what productive steps to take to soothe your frustration.

If you know you get frustrated when there’s a long line at the gas station every Friday, you might take a beat to identify why you’re frustrated. If what you’re feeling is impatience, you can take steps to avoid time triggers and go on a less busy day.

If you get frustrated in midday meetings regularly, you might do a body scan and discover you’re hangry. You can take steps to eat something filling beforehand.

Taking the time to get your feelings down is a great way to help make sense of them. But only recap the situation that caused the frustration if it gives you peace of mind, says Kaufman.

“Freewriting can offer an opportunity for deep reflection and allow for emotions to come up that you didn’t know were there.”

Consider spending a few minutes when you’re feeling frustrated to journal your thoughts and feelings, this can help to decrease your mental distress as well as have a positive impact on your well-being, as a 2018 study shows.

Physical exercise produces feel-good chemicals in your brain called “endorphins,” these chemicals act as a natural painkiller that can help improve your sleep as well as stress, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA).

You don’t have to engage in a full-body, lengthy workout to reduce frustration, says Kaufman. “Try short, quick movements, like 5–10 minutes of crunches, jumping jacks, or pushups. ”

A common sign of frustration or anger is an increase in heart rate, which can increase your body temperature. By cooling down your body, you can lower your heart rate, which can reduce your feeling of frustration, says Kaufman. She and suggests trying:

splashing cold water on your face
holding an ice cube in your hand
going for a walk if it’s cool outside

The signs of frustration can vary from person to person. Common signs of frustration include:

anger
feeling anxious or on edge
irritable
annoyed
losing your temper

Remember, feelings of frustration are common. You’re not alone in frustration, but you can consider taking mindful steps.

Frustration is a common emotion that you may feel when things don’t go the way you expected or because of your inability to achieve something.

It’s usually associated with anger or prefaced by feelings of inability.

The key to managing your frustration is to understand your feelings by identifying them and writing them out. You can also change how it impacts your daily life by:

deep-breathing exercises
physical activity
cooling down your body

If you continue to feel overwhelmed and the strategies you’ve tried aren’t enough to help, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. You can visit Psych Central’s Find a Therapist resource to find a therapist right for you.

Despair and impotence: is there a way out?

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Know YourselfAntistress

Let's start with what despair is. This is constraint, the lack of a way out, a solution. For example, a student knows: tomorrow is an exam, but he does not have time to prepare. Or a person gets stuck in a traffic jam on the way to the airport. Time is running out, and unless a miracle happens, he will miss the plane. Or a person has built a house, taken a mortgage from a bank, his debts are increasing, but there is nothing to repay them with.

When despair arises, we realize there is nothing more we can do. In despair, we always feel powerless. As long as we can still do something, we are moving towards the goal, despair does not come. Despair comes when we notice that it is already too late: the misfortune has already happened. It destroys what is valuable.

Two Poles: Despair and Hope

If a house was washed away by a flood, if a child died, if I experienced violence, if my relationship was constantly quarreling, if I led a life that led to wrong decisions (separation, abortion, alcohol ... ), then how can I live on? Life is broken, filled with misery.

A desperate person is close to suicide, because everything that is a support, a value, breaks down. Either it's already broken, or I'm watching it fall into decay and disappear. I get hurt when I see things that are important being destroyed. Or I stand in the midst of the ruins of a shattered life. There is no more hope. What else can be? There is no future, the present is ruins, an abyss.

I have no opportunity to intervene and do something, make a decision. I have no choice. I move close to the wall. I'm powerless

The opposite pole of despair is hope. If I have hope, then there is life. As long as there is hope, all is not lost. There may be some kind of turnaround, because the good has not yet disappeared: the house is still standing, the relationship is still being lived, the child, although sick, can recover. The person hopes that the diagnosis he has been made is not the most serious one. He hopes to find a job soon and pay off his debts.

Hope and despair have a marked similarity: they have the same structure. If I hope, I also experience something like impotence. “I hope” means that there is nothing else I can do. I brought the child to the clinic, I take care of him, I am near him, the doctors do what they can do ... And yet I can hope.

How is this possible? When I hope, I am connected with the child and his life. And I will not deny the value of this relationship. Maybe I'm just sitting on my hands and there's nothing else I can do, but I keep in touch. Paradoxically, I remain active. I wish for the best. I still have some confidence left.

The attitude of hope is a reasonable attitude. In hope, misfortune has not yet happened, and what has not happened is not yet completely certain. Something unexpected can happen, and the most reliable thing is to believe that a positive outcome is not excluded. It is possible: the child will get better, I will pass the exam, I am not sick, I will find a job.

Facts alone rule out the possibility. Hope is directed to the future

I hold on to my desire, intention, I hope that everything can be fine. I remain true to this value. It is important for me that the child is healthy, because I love him. And I stay in a relationship. I hold this value high in my hand.

Hope is an art. This is a spiritual art. Next to your own weakness, instead of falling into impotence or lethargy, you can do something else, namely, do not give up what is valuable. In this case, "to do" does not mean external actions. This is a matter of internal installation.

Between hope and despair, there is another concept that is close to despair, namely: “surrender”. When I say, "It doesn't make sense anymore," then I'm giving up something valuable. It's close to depression. When a person gives up, he no longer has hope. In indifference, there is still a little support - until a person falls into the abyss of despair. In despair, it is different: I am already in the abyss.

Desperation doesn't mean I've given up. A man who despairs is a man who hopes

This is someone who is still connected with values, who wants the child to get better. For those who hope, there remains the possibility of a positive outcome. A desperate person has to see that the value that he holds on to is being destroyed or has already been destroyed. The one who despairs experiences how hope dies. What is important to his life is being destroyed.

Despair is pain. The Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard thought a lot about despair and experienced it himself. For him, despair is a wrong inner attitude. This internal disorder comes from outside, from something else. Kierkegaard expanded this and connected it with God: he who does not want to live in harmony with God despairs.

Psychologically, despair means "not feeling hope." This meaning is clearly seen in the Romance languages (despair, désespoir, disperazione, desesperación). Without hope, I lose touch with value, I lose the bearing ground. It's like fear. Feeling fear, we experience the loss of the ground that supports us. In hope, this soil is love for something of value. Despair has a structure of fear and meaninglessness—there is no longer any context to guide me.

What does powerlessness mean?

Powerlessness creates despair. The word powerlessness means that I cannot do anything. But this is not the same as "can't do anything," because there are many things that I can't do even if I wanted to. For example, I cannot influence the weather, politics, headaches. I can do something about it indirectly, but not directly. Powerlessness means "not being able to do anything, but willing."

There are two reasons: limiting circumstances or something related to me personally. When I give up excitement, desire, powerlessness also disappears. This opens up opportunities for work.

Where do we experience powerlessness? In relation to oneself. For example, I may feel powerless over an addiction, over a growing tumor, over insomnia, over migraine attacks. I may feel powerless in relationships with others: I cannot change the other person. But these relationships are important to me! And now they are more like a prison: I can’t change them, but I can’t leave them either - although I am constantly hurt, devalued.

I can feel powerless in a family where there are constant quarrels, tension and misunderstanding grow. I have already tried everything, I said - and nothing changes. Of course, we also experience powerlessness in large communities: at school, in the army, in a company, in relation to the state - here the feeling “I can’t do anything” often appears, we get used to it.

We experience impotence both in relation to nature, when floods, earthquakes, and in relation to economic processes, fashion changes

Powerlessness - when I am locked up: in an elevator, even worse - in a burning car. Then there is fear and panic - I feel like I am given to life to be torn to pieces. I am powerless in relation to depression. I am powerless when I feel alone, hurt, hurt, alienated. Or when my whole life seems meaningless to me. What should I do here?

Again look at the opposite pole - "I can". What does this mean? “I can”, like impotence, has a double structure: on the one hand, it depends on the circumstances, and on the other hand, on my strength and my abilities. Here the world and my own being come together. In "can" we are related to the circumstances, and therefore obstacles can arise from outside. For example, I got stuck in a traffic jam and could not arrive on time for a lecture.

But obstacles can also exist within. For example, I, unfortunately, cannot speak Russian. This makes me powerless, because I would really like to know Russian. Of course, I could learn it, thereby bringing myself out of a state of impotence. The answer to the question "can I?" depends on my strength and ability. They give me the power with which I can control my circumstances. If I have learned to drive a car, I can dispose of it.

The concept of "can" has a great existential meaning: it not only connects with the world, but also opens up space for "to be". In this space I can move.

The real "can" is always connected with "let go". If I can do something, then I can let it go

I can let feelings exist so that I can deal with them. I have to be able to take breaks, breaks. This is necessary in situations where I don't know what to do. Letting go is the basic, fundamental “I can.” A desperate person cannot let go.

What is the problem with impotence?

Powerlessness makes us passive, it paralyzes us. More precisely, it does not paralyze, but forces. We feel like something is forcing us to do nothing. It is where I could do something that I am forced to do nothing. Powerlessness is obsession, it is strength, it is power. It's like rape. I have to let go, but I don't want to - and that makes me a victim.
Powerlessness takes away the basis of existence — action. In impotence, I can no longer create anything, be somewhere, live relationships, realize something important. In impotence, I no longer exist: my personality no longer develops, the meaning of my being is lost.
Powerlessness takes away dignity. When I am a victim, I am deprived of dignity and worth. I watch from the side. Powerlessness is associated with despair. This combination gives despair the same structure as trauma. A severe injury, the experience of approaching death deprives a person of support. It loses ground, and values lose their power. A person no longer knows what is important to him, does not see a larger system of relationships that he can trust.

Two causes of despair and impotence

A person is too much focused on some goal that he cannot refuse, leave, let go.
There is no relationship with the deep structure of existence. This means that there is no sense of the value of life, a sense of one's own depth and one's own value as a Person. There is no longer a meaning that defines existence.

This analysis of the causes of despair and powerlessness provides a basis for help. Instead of continuing to convulsively hold on to what was valuable, I should say goodbye and let go. For example, in despair that the disease turned out to be fatal, it remains only to accept it. Say, "Yes, it is." And see what I can do with it now.

If we cannot let go, we are left in despair. Subsequently, you can work on feeling the deep structures of existence again. So that I can feel supported again. It is important to realize that death is a part of life. If I cannot die, then I will feel despair again.

What to do?

We can work with the themes of despair and impotence with the help of four basic structures of existence.

If someone is experiencing despair, it is important to help them accept a situation that cannot be changed. Accept means "I can let it be." Such an attitude is possible only if I see a support, I understand that, in spite of everything, I can be myself.
When it comes to hopelessness, sadness helps. Tears of sadness can reconnect us with life. Sometimes I experience despair, it seems to me that I myself ruined my life, and I cannot forgive myself for this. Then it is important to understand again who I am. Regret means looking at what I did and feeling how much it hurts me.
If there is no way to change something, it is important to learn to live in new conditions. Ask yourself: what does this situation want from me? If I have cancer now, what does cancer want from me? How can I continue to live with this disease so that my life remains fulfilling? Yes, it will be a different life, but it may not be worse than the one where I was healthy. So I will find support again.
It is important to look for something that allows you to experience inner harmony. When I am satisfied with what I am doing, a feeling of fulfillment will come into my life.

Books about despair, impotence and depression

1. Alfried Lenglet “Reaching out to life… An existential analysis of depression”

2. Daria Varlamova, Anton Zainiev “Go crazy! City Guide to Mental Disorders

3. Burns D. David Mood Therapy. A Clinically Proven Way to Beat Depression Without Pills”

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Working with values saves from despair - News - IQ Research and Education Portal - National Research University Higher School of Economics

Sometimes people fall into despair. He is always accompanied by a feeling of powerlessness - a feeling of his own inability to change the situation. This can be dealt with if you do not get hung up on the only value that is associated with despair, said a well-known Austrian psychotherapist, professor at the National Research University Higher School of Economics at a lecture in Moscow Alfried Lenglet .

When impotence reigns

Throughout life, a person can face a lot of events and situations that can plunge him into a state of despair: from relatively fixable ones, such as traffic jams on the way to the airport and the inability to catch a flight, to critical ones - a disappointing diagnosis , flooding and destruction of the house, death of a loved one, etc.

“When we have a feeling of despair, it is always accompanied by the feeling that there is nothing more I can do here. In desperation, we always feel powerless,” said Alfried Lenglet . The combination of powerlessness with despair makes despair similar in consequences to psychic trauma, when a person is thrown out of his inner fixation, and he does not see a large-scale system of relationships that he can trust.

Despair is like a premonition of trauma, the psychotherapist noted. As long as a person feels that he can still do something and that something leads him to the goal, despair does not come.

Hope helps

The opposite pole of despair is hope. In hope, a person can also experience something similar to impotence. One can hope, for example, that a loved one will recover, but understand that everything that could be done has been done, and nothing will help. However, this is a more reasonable attitude than to be in complete despair or give up. “Next to your own weakness, instead of falling into impotence or lethargy, you can do something else, namely, do not give up relationships with value. At the same time, “to do” does not mean external pressure, but an internal setting,” Lenglet explained.

But a hopeless person, like a hopeful person, is in a relationship with value. He did not abandon it, he did not give up, but unlike the hopeful, he is in a state of a powerless observer, he experiences the “dying” of value. Against this background, there is fear and panic. A person can feel as if given life to be torn to pieces, the lecturer noted.

To find a new meaning

If a misfortune nevertheless happened and hopes were not justified, a person, nevertheless, is able to cope with despair and a feeling of powerlessness. Powerlessness, like despair, also has an opposite pole, which is called "to be able." "To be able" has a similar structure to impotence. It, like impotence, depends on the circumstances, as well as on the capabilities and abilities of a person.

However, for "to be able" to become possible, it is necessary to allow the situation to be and let your feelings be. Acceptance in this case serves as a support in order to “be able” to do something further, to understand how one can live and act, what can be changed in the existing situation.

During the lecture, Alfried Langle drew attention to the work of his teacher, the famous psychotherapist and writer Viktor Frankl, who went through circles of despair and managed to survive in concentration camps. Frankl talked about the need to differentiate between sadness and despair. Despair can come when there is an absolutization of any value. For example, a woman wants a family and children, but she does not have it, and she is sad.

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