Eq meaning emotional
Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ) - HelpGuide.org
emotional intelligence
When it comes to happiness and success in life, EQ matters just as much as IQ. Learn how you can boost your emotional intelligence, build stronger relationships, and achieve your goals.
What is emotional intelligence or EQ?
Emotional intelligence (otherwise known as emotional quotient or EQ) is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at school and work, and achieve your career and personal goals. It can also help you to connect with your feelings, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to you.
Emotional intelligence is commonly defined by four attributes:
- Self-management – You're able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
- Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. You know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.
- Social awareness – You have empathy. You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
- Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.
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Why is emotional intelligence so important?
As we know, it's not the smartest people who are the most successful or the most fulfilled in life. You probably know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful at work or in their personal relationships. Intellectual ability or your intelligence quotient (IQ) isn't enough on its own to achieve success in life. Yes, your IQ can help you get into college, but it's your EQ that will help you manage the stress and emotions when facing your final exams. IQ and EQ exist in tandem and are most effective when they build off one another.
Emotional intelligence affects:
Your performance at school or work. High emotional intelligence can help you navigate the social complexities of the workplace, lead and motivate others, and excel in your career. In fact, when it comes to gauging important job candidates, many companies now rate emotional intelligence as important as technical ability and employ EQ testing before hiring.
Your physical health. If you're unable to manage your emotions, you are probably not managing your stress either. This can lead to serious health problems. Uncontrolled stress raises blood pressure, suppresses the immune system, increases the risk of heart attacks and strokes, contributes to infertility, and speeds up the aging process. The first step to improving emotional intelligence is to learn how to manage stress.
Your mental health. Uncontrolled emotions and stress can also impact your mental health, making you vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If you are unable to understand, get comfortable with, or manage your emotions, you'll also struggle to form strong relationships. This in turn can leave you feeling lonely and isolated and further exacerbate any mental health problems.
[Read: Building Better Mental Health]
Your relationships. By understanding your emotions and how to control them, you're better able to express how you feel and understand how others are feeling.
This allows you to communicate more effectively and forge stronger relationships, both at work and in your personal life.
Your social intelligence. Being in tune with your emotions serves a social purpose, connecting you to other people and the world around you. Social intelligence enables you to recognize friend from foe, measure another person's interest in you, reduce stress, balance your nervous system through social communication, and feel loved and happy.
Building emotional intelligence: Four key skills to increasing your EQ
The skills that make up emotional intelligence can be learned at any time. However, it's important to remember that there is a difference between simply learning about EQ and applying that knowledge to your life. Just because you know you should do something doesn't mean you will—especially when you become overwhelmed by stress, which can override your best intentions. In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to overcome stress in the moment, and in your relationships, in order to remain emotionally aware.
The key skills for building your EQ and improving your ability to manage emotions and connect with others are:
- Self-management
- Self-awareness
- Social awareness
- Relationship management
Building emotional intelligence, key skill 1: Self-management
In order for you to engage your EQ, you must be able to use your emotions to make constructive decisions about your behavior. When you become overly stressed, you can lose control of your emotions and the ability to act thoughtfully and appropriately.
Think about a time when stress has overwhelmed you. Was it easy to think clearly or make a rational decision? Probably not. When you become overly stressed, your ability to both think clearly and accurately assess emotions—your own and other people's—becomes compromised.
[Read: Stress Management]
Emotions are important pieces of information that tell you about yourself and others, but in the face of stress that takes us out of our comfort zone, we can become overwhelmed and lose control of ourselves.
With the ability to manage stress and stay emotionally present, you can learn to receive upsetting information without letting it override your thoughts and self-control. You'll be able to make choices that allow you to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
Key skill 2: Self-awareness
Managing stress is just the first step to building emotional intelligence. The science of attachment indicates that your current emotional experience is likely a reflection of your early life experience. Your ability to manage core feelings such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy often depends on the quality and consistency of your early life emotional experiences. If your primary caretaker as an infant understood and valued your emotions, it's likely your emotions have become valuable assets in adult life. But, if your emotional experiences as an infant were confusing, threatening or painful, it's likely you've tried to distance yourself from your emotions.
But being able to connect to your emotions—having a moment-to-moment connection with your changing emotional experience—is the key to understanding how emotion influences your thoughts and actions.
Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment?
Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach, throat, or chest?
Do you experience individual feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy, each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?
Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others?
Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?
If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, you may have “turned down” or “turned off” your emotions.
In order to build EQ—and become emotionally healthy—you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them. You can achieve this through the practice of mindfulness.
[Listen: Mindful Breathing Meditation]
Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment—and without judgment. The cultivation of mindfulness has roots in Buddhism, but most religions include some type of similar prayer or meditation technique. Mindfulness helps shift your preoccupation with thought toward an appreciation of the moment, your physical and emotional sensations, and brings a larger perspective on life. Mindfulness calms and focuses you, making you more self-aware in the process.
Developing emotional awareness
It's important that you learn how to manage stress first, so you'll feel more comfortable reconnecting to strong or unpleasant emotions and changing how you experience and respond to your feelings.
You can develop your emotional awareness by using HelpGuide's free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit.
Social awareness enables you to recognize and interpret the mainly nonverbal cues others are constantly using to communicate with you. These cues let you know how others are really feeling, how their emotional state is changing from moment to moment, and what's truly important to them.
[Read: Effective Communication]
When groups of people send out similar nonverbal cues, you're able to read and understand the power dynamics and shared emotional experiences of the group. In short, you're empathetic and socially comfortable.
Mindfulness is an ally of emotional and social awareness
To build social awareness, you need to recognize the importance of mindfulness in the social process. After all, you can't pick up on subtle nonverbal cues when you're in your own head, thinking about other things, or simply zoning out on your phone. Social awareness requires your presence in the moment.
While many of us pride ourselves on an ability to multitask, this means that you'll miss the subtle emotional shifts taking place in other people that help you fully understand them.
- You are actually more likely to further your social goals by setting other thoughts aside and focusing on the interaction itself.
- Following the flow of another person's emotional responses is a give-and-take process that requires you to also pay attention to the changes in your own emotional experience.
- Paying attention to others doesn't diminish your own self-awareness. By investing the time and effort to really pay attention to others, you'll actually gain insight into your own emotional state as well as your values and beliefs. For example, if you feel discomfort hearing others express certain views, you'll have learned something important about yourself.
Key skill 4: Relationship management
Working well with others is a process that begins with emotional awareness and your ability to recognize and understand what other people are experiencing.
Once emotional awareness is in play, you can effectively develop additional social/emotional skills that will make your relationships more effective, fruitful, and fulfilling.
Become aware of how effectively you use nonverbal communication. It's impossible to avoid sending nonverbal messages to others about what you think and feel. The many muscles in the face, especially those around the eyes, nose, mouth and forehead, help you to wordlessly convey your own emotions as well as read other peoples' emotional intent. The emotional part of your brain is always on—and even if you ignore its messages—others won't. Recognizing the nonverbal messages that you send to others can play a huge part in improving your relationships.
Use humor and play to relieve stress. Humor, laughter and play are natural antidotes to stress. They lessen your burdens and help you keep things in perspective. Laughter brings your nervous system into balance, reducing stress, calming you down, sharpening your mind and making you more empathic.
Learn to see conflict as an opportunity to grow closer to others. Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in human relationships. Two people can't possibly have the same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. However, that needn't be a bad thing. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn't perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.
Authors: Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Melinda Smith, M.A., Lawrence Robinson, and Jennifer Shubin
- References
Gilar-Corbi, R., Pozo-Rico, T., Sánchez, B., & Castejón, J.-L. (2019). Can emotional intelligence be improved? A randomized experimental study of a business-oriented EI training program for senior managers. PLOS ONE, 14(10), e0224254. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.
pone.0224254How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence—Professional Development | Harvard DCE. (n.d.). Retrieved June 18, 2022, from https://professional.dce.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-improve-your-emotional-intelligence/
Jiménez-Picón, N., Romero-Martín, M., Ponce-Blandón, J. A., Ramirez-Baena, L., Palomo-Lara, J. C., & Gómez-Salgado, J. (2021). The Relationship between Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence as a Protective Factor for Healthcare Professionals: Systematic Review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(10), 5491. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph28105491
Segal, Jeanne. The Language of Emotional Intelligence: The Five Essential Tools for Building Powerful and Effective Relationships. 1st edition. McGraw Hill, 2008. https://www.amazon.com/Language-Emotional-Intelligence-Essential-Relationships/dp/0071544550
Segal, Jeanne S. Raising Your Emotional Intelligence: A Practical Guide–A Hands-on Program for Harnessing the Power of Your Instincts and Emotions.
1st edition. Holt Paperbacks, 2015. https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Emotional-Intelligence-Practical/dp/0805051511/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
Last updated: December 5, 2022
Stress Management - HelpGuide.org
stress
While it may seem like there’s nothing you can do about stress at work and home, there are steps you can take to relieve the pressure and regain control.
The importance of managing stress
If you’re living with high levels of stress, you’re putting your entire well-being at risk. Stress wreaks havoc on your emotional equilibrium, as well as your physical health. It narrows your ability to think clearly, function effectively, and enjoy life. It may seem like there’s nothing you can do about stress. The bills won’t stop coming, there will never be more hours in the day, and your work and family responsibilities will always be demanding. But you have a lot more control than you might think.
Effective stress management helps you break the hold stress has on your life, so you can be happier, healthier, and more productive.
The ultimate goal is a balanced life, with time for work, relationships, relaxation, and fun—and the resilience to hold up under pressure and meet challenges head on. But stress management is not one-size-fits-all. That’s why it’s important to experiment and find out what works best for you. The following stress management tips can help you do that.
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Tip 1: Identify the sources of stress in your life
Stress management starts with identifying the sources of stress in your life. This isn't as straightforward as it sounds. While it's easy to identify major stressors such as changing jobs, moving, or going through a divorce, pinpointing the sources of chronic stress can be more complicated.
It's all too easy to overlook how your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors contribute to your everyday stress levels.
Sure, you may know that you're constantly worried about work deadlines, but maybe it's your procrastination, rather than the actual job demands, that is causing the stress.
To identify your true sources of stress, look closely at your habits, attitude, and excuses:
- Do you explain away stress as temporary (“I just have a million things going on right now”) even though you can’t remember the last time you took a breather?
- Do you define stress as an integral part of your work or home life (“Things are always crazy around here”) or as a part of your personality (“I have a lot of nervous energy, that’s all”)?
- Do you blame your stress on other people or outside events, or view it as entirely normal and unexceptional?
Until you accept responsibility for the role you play in creating or maintaining it, your stress level will remain outside your control.
Start a stress journal
A stress journal can help you identify the regular stressors in your life and the way you deal with them. Each time you feel stressed, keep track of it in your journal or use a stress tracker on your phone. Keeping a daily log will enable you to see patterns and common themes. Write down:
- What caused your stress (make a guess if you’re unsure).
- How you felt, both physically and emotionally.
- How you acted in response.
- What you did to make yourself feel better.
Tip 2: Practice the 4 A's of stress management
While stress is an automatic response from your nervous system, some stressors arise at predictable times: your commute to work, a meeting with your boss, or family gatherings, for example. When handling such predictable stressors, you can either change the situation or change your reaction. When deciding which option to choose in any given scenario, it's helpful to think of the four A's: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept.
| The four A's – Avoid, Alter, Adapt & Accept |
| Avoid unnecessary stress |
| It's not healthy to avoid a stressful situation that needs to be addressed, but you may be surprised by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate. |
| Learn how to say “no.” Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress. Distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts” and, when possible, say “no” to taking on too much. |
| Avoid people who stress you out. If someone consistently causes stress in your life, limit the amount of time you spend with that person, or end the relationship. |
Take control of your environment. If the evening news makes you anxious, turn off the TV. If traffic makes you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the market is an unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online. |
| Pare down your to-do list. Analyze your schedule, responsibilities, and daily tasks. If you've got too much on your plate, drop tasks that aren't truly necessary to the bottom of the list or eliminate them entirely. |
| Alter the situation |
| If you can't avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Often, this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life. |
| Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is bothering you, be more assertive and communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you've got an exam to study for and your chatty roommate just got home, say up front that you only have five minutes to talk. If you don't voice your feelings, resentment will build and the stress will increase. |
Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you'll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground. |
| Create a balanced schedule. All work and no play is a recipe for burnout. Try to find a balance between work and family life, social activities and solitary pursuits, daily responsibilities and downtime. |
| Adapt to the stressor |
| If you can't change the stressor, change yourself. You can adapt to stressful situations and regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude. |
| Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time. |
Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere. |
| Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.” |
| Practice gratitude. When stress is getting you down, take a moment to reflect on all the things you appreciate in your life, including your own positive qualities and gifts. This simple strategy can help you keep things in perspective. |
| Accept the things you can't change |
Some sources of stress are unavoidable. You can't prevent or change stressors such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it's easier than railing against a situation you can't change. |
| Don't try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control, particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems. |
| Look for the upside. When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes. |
| Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on. |
Share your feelings. Expressing what you're going through can be very cathartic, even if there's nothing you can do to alter the stressful situation. Talk to a trusted friend or make an appointment with a therapist. |
Tip 3: Get moving
When you're stressed, the last thing you probably feel like doing is getting up and exercising. But physical activity is a huge stress reliever—and you don't have to be an athlete or spend hours in a gym to experience the benefits. Exercise releases endorphins that make you feel good, and it can also serve as a valuable distraction from your daily worries.
While you'll get the most benefit from regularly exercising for 30 minutes or more, it's okay to build up your fitness level gradually. Even very small activities can add up over the course of a day. The first step is to get yourself up and moving. Here are some easy ways to incorporate exercise into your daily schedule:
- Put on some music and dance around.
- Take your dog for a walk.
- Walk or cycle to the grocery store.
- Use the stairs at home or work rather than an elevator.
- Park your car in the farthest spot in the lot and walk the rest of the way.
- Pair up with an exercise partner and encourage each other as you work out.
- Play ping-pong or an activity-based video game with your kids.
The stress-busting magic of mindful rhythmic exercise
While just about any form of physical activity can help burn away tension and stress, rhythmic activities are especially effective. Good choices include walking, running, swimming, dancing, cycling, tai chi, and aerobics. But whatever you choose, make sure it's something you enjoy so you're more likely to stick with it.
While you're exercising, make a conscious effort to pay attention to your body and the physical (and sometimes emotional) sensations you experience as you're moving. Focus on coordinating your breathing with your movements, for example, or notice how the air or sunlight feels on your skin. Adding this mindfulness element will help you break out of the cycle of negative thoughts that often accompanies overwhelming stress.
Tip 4: Connect to others
There is nothing more calming than spending quality time with another human being who makes you feel safe and understood.
In fact, face-to-face interaction triggers a cascade of hormones that counteracts the body's defensive “fight-or-flight” response. It's nature's natural stress reliever (as an added bonus, it also helps stave off depression and anxiety). So make it a point to connect regularly—and in person—with family and friends.
[Read: Social Support for Stress Relief]
Keep in mind that the people you talk to don't have to be able to fix your stress. They simply need to be good listeners. And try not to let worries about looking weak or being a burden keep you from opening up. The people who care about you will be flattered by your trust. It will only strengthen your bond.
Of course, it's not always realistic to have a pal close by to lean on when you feel overwhelmed by stress, but by building and maintaining a network of close friends you can improve your resiliency to life's stressors.
Tips for building relationships
- Reach out to a colleague at work.
- Help someone else by volunteering.
- Have lunch or coffee with a friend.
- Ask a loved one to check in with you regularly.
- Accompany someone to the movies or a concert.
- Call or email an old friend.
- Go for a walk with a workout buddy.
- Schedule a weekly dinner date.
- Meet new people by taking a class or joining a club.
- Confide in a clergy member, teacher, or sports coach.
Tip 5: Make time for fun and relaxation
Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by carving out “me” time. Don't get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you'll be in a better place to handle life's stressors.
Set aside leisure time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.
Take up a relaxation practice. Relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, and deep breathing activate the body's relaxation response, a state of restfulness that is the opposite of the fight or flight or mobilization stress response. As you learn and practice these techniques, your stress levels will decrease and your mind and body will become calm and centered.
Tip 6: Manage your time better
Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. When you're stretched too thin and running behind, it's hard to stay calm and focused. Plus, you'll be tempted to avoid or cut back on all the healthy things you should be doing to keep stress in check, like socializing and getting enough sleep.
The good news: there are things you can do to achieve a healthier work-life balance.
Don't over-commit yourself. Avoid scheduling things back-to-back or trying to fit too much into one day. All too often, we underestimate how long things will take.
Prioritize tasks. Make a list of tasks you have to do, and tackle them in order of importance. Do the high-priority items first. If you have something particularly unpleasant or stressful to do, get it over with early. The rest of your day will be more pleasant as a result.
Break projects into small steps. If a large project seems overwhelming, make a step-by-step plan. Focus on one manageable step at a time, rather than taking on everything at once.
Delegate responsibility. You don't have to do it all yourself, whether at home, school, or on the job. If other people can take care of the task, why not let them? Let go of the desire to control or oversee every little step.
You'll be letting go of unnecessary stress in the process.
Tip 7: Maintain balance with a healthy lifestyle
In addition to regular exercise, there are other healthy lifestyle choices that can increase your resistance to stress.
Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.
Reduce caffeine and sugar. The temporary “highs” caffeine and sugar provide often end with a crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks, chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed and you’ll sleep better.
Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the issue at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.
Get enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.
Tip 8: Learn to relieve stress in the moment
When you're frazzled by your morning commute, stuck in a stressful meeting at work, or fried from another argument with your spouse, you need a way to manage your stress levels right now. That's where quick stress relief comes in.
The fastest way to reduce stress is by taking a deep breath and using your senses—what you see, hear, taste, and touch—or through a soothing movement. By viewing a favorite photo, smelling a specific scent, listening to a favorite piece of music, tasting a piece of gum, or hugging a pet, for example, you can quickly relax and focus yourself.
Of course, not everyone responds to each sensory experience in the same way. The key to quick stress relief is to experiment and discover the unique sensory experiences that work best for you.
Authors: Lawrence Robinson, Melinda Smith, M.A., and Robert Segal, M.A.
- References
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Choi, Dong-Woo, Sung-Youn Chun, Sang Ah Lee, Kyu-Tae Han, and Eun-Cheol Park. “Association between Sleep Duration and Perceived Stress: Salaried Worker in Circumstances of High Workload.” International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 15, no. 4 (April 2018): 796. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph25040796
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Bergeman, Brenda R. Whitehead, Marcia E. Braun, and Jessic D. Payne. “Relationships Among Nightly Sleep Quality, Daily Stress, and Daily Affect.” The Journals of Gerontology: Series B 72, no. 3 (May 1, 2017): 363–72. https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbv060Saleh, Dalia, Nathalie Camart, Fouad Sbeira, and Lucia Romo. “Can We Learn to Manage Stress? A Randomized Controlled Trial Carried out on University Students.” PLOS ONE 13, no. 9 (September 5, 2018): e0200997. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0200997
Loprinzi, Paul D., and Emily Frith. “Protective and Therapeutic Effects of Exercise on Stress-Induced Memory Impairment.” The Journal of Physiological Sciences: JPS 69, no. 1 (January 2019): 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12576-018-0638-0
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Stress Management – Learn to manage your stress.
(American Heart Association)
Stress Management: Enhance Your Well-Being by Reducing Stress and Building Resilience – Special Health Report from Harvard Medical School. (Harvard Health)
Tolerating Distress – Workbook and information sheets to help you manage feelings of distress. (Centre for Clinical Interventions)
Building Your Resilience – Learn how to increase your resilience in the face of stress and hardship. (American Psychological Association)
(VIDEO) How To Relax: 8 Relaxation Tips for Your Mental Health (Mind)
Last updated: December 5, 2022
Emotional intelligence: what it is, how to develop your EQ
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability of a person to recognize and understand their emotions and feelings of other people and use these skills in interaction with others. How to develop emotional intelligence, by what signs you can determine the level of EQ, what relates to its components and how to learn to control your emotions - in the material Forbes Life
How science defines emotional intelligence
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Modern psychology defines emotional intelligence as a person's ability to recognize, understand and manage their own emotions, as well as their ability to read, understand and influence the emotions of another person.
In a practical sense, it is a set of skills through which a person understands that his emotions can control his behavior and influence others - not only positively, but also negatively. The ability to control and restrain one's own feelings and not let them take precedence over how a person behaves and what influence he has on loved ones is important in many cases - with ordinary communication, lack of resources, difficulties or successes in work, planning changes in life and Not only. In English, to denote emotional intelligence, by analogy with IQ, the abbreviation EQ is used - "emotional quotient", or "emotional coefficient", as well as the abbreviation EI - "emotional intelligence". nine0005
This skill was first discussed in the psychological community at the beginning of the 20th century. Emotional intelligence appeared in the concept of "social intelligence" by Edward Lee Thorndike in 1920. Then this idea was developed by psychologist Howard Gardner, who in 1983 developed the theory of multiple intelligences in detail, arguing that intelligence includes eight different forms, ”explains Nikita Prilepsky, a psychologist, a specialist in the DocMed and DocDeti network of evidence-based medicine clinics.
Researchers Peter Salovey and John Mayer also contributed to the development of the theory of emotional intelligence in the early nineties - according to their definition, emotional intelligence is “a form of social intelligence that includes the ability to track one’s own and others’ emotions and feelings, distinguish them and use knowledge about them in order to control your thinking and actions. Studying this phenomenon, Salovey and Mayer also conducted an experiment and showed a group of people a touching film: those viewers who knew how to identify and correctly name their emotions recovered from watching it faster than those who did not have such skills. Thus, the researchers confirmed their hypothesis, according to which people who are able to distinguish between psychological sensations, in comparison with the rest, are more adapted to managing their own emotions. nine0005
Later, the American psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman, who published the book "Emotional Intelligence" in 1995, joined the study of the new concept.
In it, he put forward a radical assumption: success in a person’s career is promoted to a greater extent not so much by the set of knowledge gained through higher educational institutions and general education, but by the development of emotional intelligence and the ability to distinguish one’s emotions.
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From Impulsivity to Control: What Emotional Intelligence Consists of
According to psychologist Nikita Prilepsky, in modern evidence-based medicine, it is correct to divide emotional intelligence into nine components, which were identified by researchers Athanasios Drigas and Kara Paputsi. “This nine-level pyramid model leads to emotional unity at its apex: a person tries to reach the last level of the pyramid, because at each step he cultivates significant emotional, cognitive and metacognitive skills.
All of them are important resources for success in the personal and professional spheres, interpersonal relationships and in life in general, ”comments the psychologist. nine0005
According to the theory, the basis of emotional intelligence is emotional stimuli. “Every day we receive a lot of information - stimuli from the environment around us, its events or phenomena. We need to include this information and various stimuli in the categories because they help us better understand the world and the people around us,” explains Prilepsky. When an event occurs, our consciousness receives a sensory stimulus. Thoughts process it and produce separate emotional stimuli for each of the emotions to be affected. Emotional stimuli are processed by a thought mechanism that determines which emotions to feel and elicits an emotional response that can influence our behavior. Emotional stimuli tend to be prioritized in perception, detected more quickly, and accessed by conscious awareness.
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The next step is the recognition of emotions, often even several expressed at the same time. “Emotion recognition is the ability to accurately decipher the expressions of other people's feelings, usually transmitted through non-verbal channels - facial expressions, body movements. This skill is related to social ability and interaction, as non-verbal behavior is a reliable source of information about the emotional states of others. The ability to express and recognize emotions in others is an important part of daily human interaction and interpersonal relationships, as it is a critical component of a person's socio-cognitive abilities, ”explains the psychologist. nine0005
Researchers consider the third step to be self-awareness - a clear perception of your personality, including its strengths and weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motives and feelings.
The higher the level of self-awareness, the stronger the ability of a person to correct their own thoughts, emotions and, consequently, their behavior.
Self-awareness is followed by self-management — that is, the ability to control one's reactions so that they are not impulsive and sudden. “Self-management helps a person become more flexible, extroverted, receptive, and at the same time less critical of situations and less reactive to people’s attitudes,” says Prilepsky. - When you recognize your feelings and accept them, you will be able to better manage them, use them productively for yourself. This does not mean that you should hold back negative emotions, but if you are aware of them, you can change your behavior and make changes in how you respond and manage your feelings, even if they are negative. nine0005
Researchers consider the fifth part of emotional intelligence to be social awareness - that is, a person's understanding of how he reacts to various social situations, and his ability to effectively change his interaction with other people in order to achieve the best results.
This kind of awareness is impossible without empathy, thanks to which we can put ourselves in the place of others, understand another person as a person, recognize his feelings and emotions.
“With empathy, we can mentally perceive others from their own point of view and play an active role in their problems. The end result of social awareness is the constant development of social skills and the process of continuous improvement of the individual, ”says the psychologist. He adds: “After developing social awareness, the next level in the pyramid of emotional intelligence is the level of social skills. These abilities range from being able to tune in to another person's feelings and understand how they feel and think about things, to be a great employee and team player, to being experienced in others' emotions and in negotiations. It's all about being able to get the best from others, inspire and influence them, connect with and connect with them, and help them change, grow, develop and resolve conflicts.
" Emotional intelligence social skills can include influencing, leadership, developing others, communication, catalyst for change, conflict management, bonding, teamwork, and collaboration. Experience in emotions can be characterized as the ability to increase sensitivity to emotional parameters and the ability not only to pinpoint the relevance of emotional dynamics to negotiations, but also the ability to strategically expose a person's emotions and respond to emotions emanating from others. nine0005
“Once all six of these levels have been reached, a person is ready for self-realization — the realization of personal potential. It is important to note that self-realization is a continuous process of becoming, and not a perfect state that a person reaches and stops, ”says Prilepsky. He also notes that self-realization is one of the most important elements of EQ. “This is a measure of how you feel that you have a significant personal commitment to life and that you offer the world something that is very important to you,” explains the psychologist.
It is self-realization, in turn, that becomes the start of the next, eighth level of the pyramid - transcendence, which implies the ability of a person to help others self-realize and find ways for this. “Transcendence, or self-transcendence, is closely related to self-esteem, emotional well-being, and global empathy. Self-transcendence is the experience of seeing oneself and the world in a way that does not interfere with the boundaries of the ego's identity. This includes an increased sense of meaning and relevance to others and to the world,” explains the expert. Self-transcendence can be expressed in a variety of ways, behaviors, and perspectives, such as sharing wisdom and emotions with others, integrating the physical/natural changes of aging, accepting death as part of life, being interested in helping others learn about the world, being able to leave losses behind, and seeking spiritual meaning in life. nine0005
The top of this pyramid of components of emotional intelligence, according to researchers, is emotional unity.
“This is a deliberately positively oriented dynamic in the sense that it is aimed at achieving and maintaining the dominance of emotions that inform the subject that he or she is in control of the situation or environment in a conventional way,” says Prilepsky. “Emotional unity is inner harmony. In emotional unity, a person feels intense joy, peace, prosperity and the consciousness of the higher truth and the unity of all. In the symbiotic world, what you do for yourself, you end up doing for another. It all starts with our self-love so that we can direct this important feeling to everything that exists around us, ”explains the psychologist. nine0005
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How to develop your EQ: tips, tricks and tips
To understand how developed your emotional intelligence is, reflection of its components helps: the more of them you know and master in practice, the higher the level of EQ.
“Improving emotional intelligence can bring many positive benefits to the lives of people who develop it. When it comes to happiness and success in life, emotional intelligence is just as important as intellectual ability, or IQ,” explains Prilepsky. “With EQ, you acknowledge, accept, and control your emotions and emotional responses, as well as understanding the emotions of others. You learn more about yourself and move on to understanding yourself in the eyes of other people, learn to coexist with others, ”adds the specialist. Emotional intelligence, he says, teaches a person to control their impulses, to survive in spite of adversity and difficulties, to hope and experience empathy. Emotional intelligence also includes cognitive functions such as attention, memory, regulation, reasoning, awareness, monitoring and decision making - and the development of each of them contributes to the improvement of EQ itself. nine0005
To develop your own emotional intelligence, psychologists recommend more introspection.
According to experts, it is possible to determine the level of EQ development thanks to online tests, but it is still not recommended to forget about the need to increase it. Specialists of the medical portal MindTools advise you to more often resort to the following practices that help you become more aware of your emotionality and learn to recognize your own psycho-emotional states: another person and understand what emotions he experiences, what he feels and what goals he is trying to achieve; nine0050
nine0050 Harvard University experts are also involved in academic diagnostics of emotional intelligence: according to their research, people with low EQ are characterized by self-doubt, a tendency to get upset or be driven by their own emotions, as well as a constant feeling that others do not understand them. Those who have a high level of EQ are distinguished by an understanding of the connection between their emotions and actions, the ability to remain “sober” in stressful situations, the ability to influence others to achieve a goal, and the ability to find a common language with “difficult” people. The researchers also suggest three ways that you can help develop emotional intelligence on your own:
- Recognize your emotions and label them. Track how you feel under stress, what actions they lead to, how effective these actions are and how they can be changed so that they bring a positive result;
- Don't be afraid to ask the opinions of others.
Colleagues, friends or relatives can tell you how your actions look from the outside and how your emotionality affects them, how empathic you are, how you behave during conflicts. Their assessment will allow you to look at yourself from the outside and better understand how you build relationships with people around you; nine0050 - Read works whose characters are multifaceted and ambiguous. This method allows you to see the world through the other person's eyes, explore their mentality, understand their thoughts and motivations, and develop your own empathy in real life.
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How to help your child increase his emotional intelligence
If adults can “pump” their own EQ on their own, then children cannot do without the help of their parents in developing emotional intelligence.
You can start developing the emotional intelligence of a child from preschool age, since the main thing in this matter is trust between him and his parents. The American Gottman Institute, which researches family relationships, offers the following steps that can help adults develop children's emotional intelligence and teach them how to manage their own feelings:
- Consider your children's emotions as an opportunity to communicate with them. Observe their feelings and try to discuss them together;
- Listen and validate children's emotions. Say that you understand their feelings, be supportive;
- Help children express their emotions verbally: listen carefully to what the child describes, give him a hint on how to characterize his feelings, explain what it is and how it can manifest itself;
- Remember that all emotions are acceptable, but not every behavior has to be acceptable. Help your child manage his feelings on his own, teach him to behave in a way that does not harm himself or others - for example, using restrictions and discussing in advance what can and cannot be done when feeling a certain feeling.
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Experts remind you that when emotions run high, adults can do things that they usually don't. In the case of a child, the peak of emotions is not so necessary - even without experiencing severe stress, he can behave in a way that adults would not like. From the age of four, they can plug their ears when they hear thunder, or close their eyes if they are scared - this behavior is normal for children, but strange for adults. That is why already at this preschool age it is important for adults to build communication with children in such a way that they learn not to let emotionality take over their behavior and express their feelings in such a way as to solve any problem or its source, and not run away from it. nine0005
What is emotional intelligence and why is it needed?
Have you heard about emotional intelligence, but have not fully figured out what it is and why it is needed? Do you know how EI differs from EQ? It turns out that the development of emotional intelligence helps a person to be more successful and more effective in solving problems.
We deal with the book "The Emotional Intelligence of a Child and the Common Sense of His Parents" in more detail.
Emotional intelligence is the most important skill of the future
nine0086 Emotional intelligence (EI) is not the development of genius, quickness of mind or erudition. It is rather the basis of development. Research shows that children and adults who are able to understand their own and other people's emotions, manage them, and use emotions as a resource to achieve their goals, can achieve maximum success in many areas of activity.Fear of judgment, fear of making a mistake, lack of confidence in one's actions may have let you down more than once in the most crucial moments. Think back to your school days. nine0005
- How many correct answers did you keep to yourself because you were afraid of the teacher?
- How many thoughts were not expressed, fearing reprimand?
- How many reports were not told, embarrassed by the public?
- How many ideas did not materialize, being afraid that it would not work out?
Developed emotional intelligence improves the quality of interaction of children and adolescents with peers, family members, significant adults, as well as more flexible adaptation to the requirements and complexities of the environment.
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At school, children with highly developed emotional intelligence have higher academic performance and increased motivation to learn. In turn, children with low emotional intelligence are more susceptible to the influence of a "bad" company, have problems with academic performance and concentration, and are more likely to experience stress and emotional burnout. We will talk about this in more detail later.
What is emotional intelligence?
Thirty years ago, pioneers in the study of emotional intelligence — professors of New Hampshire and Yale universities John Mayer, Peter Salovey (now president of Yale University) and David Karuzov introduced the concept of "emotional intelligence" (emotional intelligence, EI) into scientific terminology and defined it as the ability to recognize and understand one’s own emotions and the emotions of other people, manage them and use emotions to solve problems and achieve results. Thus, emotional intelligence is the ability to be competent in human contacts and understand oneself.
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The development of emotional intelligence in children from an early age increases the likelihood of success in adulthood.
EQ is not emotional intelligence
Often on the Internet you can find the abbreviation EQ when designating emotional intelligence. But let's figure out what this abbreviation means. EQ (Emotion Quotient) - literally translated as "emotional quotient" and means the degree, strength of expression of emotions. This phrase does not contain the term "intelligence", which is an important basis in the development of the child's emotional and intellectual abilities. Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the intelligent use and management of emotions. nine0005
Emotional intelligence must be distinguished from the severity of emotions and the strength of their manifestation.
Firstly, if a person, for example, expresses his emotions violently and has a high EQ, this does not always mean that he has a high EI.
An emotional person (with a high coefficient of emotionality) is someone who can feel and / or show their emotions more strongly than others, and a person with high emotional intelligence is someone who can identify and use emotions competently.
People with high emotional intelligence are able to use their emotions effectively. Those with low EI may ignore them, misinterpret them, or completely obey them without benefiting from these signals.
Secondly, when using EQ, there is often a false contrast between reason and feelings and even mentions that emotional intelligence can be more important than ordinary intelligence. In fact, EI means that the mind and feelings are an indivisible whole, making their joint contribution to human behavior. And the first violin here still plays the intellect. nine0005
Emotional intelligence has become a hot topic around the world, moving from the scientific lab to the business community. The replicated, greatly simplified, new theories and practices of emotional intelligence that did not coincide with the original began to be intensively sold in the adult and child development market.
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In Russia, this process is just beginning, and interest in the development of children's emotional intelligence and social-emotional learning is actively growing. Some parents independently develop the emotional intelligence of the child by reading various literature. Let's take a look at the components of emotional intelligence. nine0005
Why is emotional intelligence needed?
The structure of emotional intelligence includes four groups of abilities:
- Emotion recognition is the ability of a person to recognize his own emotions and emotions of another person (by facial expressions, gestures, posture, behavior, voice). What emotions are you experiencing right now? What emotions does your child experience? These questions lead many people to a dead end, as they do not find the right words. It is important to know the ABC of emotions, how to recognize a certain emotion in yourself and another. nine0050
- Use of emotions to solve problems - the ability to intelligently direct emotions to stimulate mental activity and solve problems.
Do you remember a situation when some unexpected emotion prevented you from achieving an important result? Or, on the contrary, helped to solve the problem? Each emotion has an important function and helps you and your child in certain situations. - Understanding emotions - the ability to determine the causes of emotions; predict how emotional states change over time (emotional scenarios) and understand complex emotions and feelings. Look at your child. What is the reason for the emotion he is experiencing now? Often when communicating with teenagers, we notice that our harmless words (as it seems to us) cause them a violent emotional reaction. What could happen? Perhaps at the moment you have touched on the values of the child, which is very important for him, and, without noticing it, you have devalued them. nine0050
- Emotion control - the ability to regulate emotions, awaken and direct one's own and others' emotions to achieve goals. If this emotion does not help you now, how can you switch? What strategies work for you?
For the harmonious development of the child's emotional intelligence, become his guide in the world of emotions, sequentially going through four basic steps with him:
- Learn to recognize emotions.
- Learn to use emotions in problem solving. nine0050
- Develop mindfulness (understanding the causes and consequences of situations).
- Learn to regulate emotional states.
For more information on how to help your child be successful in the 21st century, see the books in the
series.Best Teaching Methods: Simple and Effective
Easy start
Child psychology for parents
See also
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