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How to beat neuroticism


Neuroses and neuroticism: Differences, types, and treatment

The word neuroses was originally coined in the 18th century to label a range of psychological disorders that could not usually be linked to a physical cause. It is often confused for neuroticism, a personality trait.

There is no single definition of neurosis. Neurosis was, until recently, a diagnosable psychological disorder that interferes with quality of life without disrupting an individual’s perception of reality.

Some psychologists and psychiatrists use the term neurosis to refer to anxious symptoms and behaviors. Other doctors use the term to describe a spectrum of mental illnesses outside of psychotic disorders. Psychoanalysts, such as Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, described the thought process itself using the term neurosis.

In 1980, the third publication of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III) removed the term neurosis.

This article will discuss how neuroticism differs from neuroses and personality disorders, as well as how to recognize the signs of an anxiety disorder similar to neuroses. It will also give a few tips on handling some of the psychological effects of neuroticism.

  • “Neuroses” is a term used in many different ways related to abnormal psychological processes.
  • Neuroticism has been used to describe a personality trait that does not impair everyday function.
  • Neuroticism is one of the Big Five personality traits found in personality tests across a range of cultures.
  • Neurosis is no longer used as a diagnosed, and neuroses are now diagnosed as depressive or anxiety disorders.
  • Although disused, the neurosis diagnosis is important for understanding how psychological disorders are treated today.

Share on PinterestNeuroticism is considered a personality trait rather than a medical condition.

Neuroticism is a long-term tendency to be in a negative or anxious emotional state. It is not a medical condition but a personality trait. People often confuse this with neurosis.

Neuroticism is one of the traits that make up the five-factor model of personality alongside extraversion, agreeability, conscientiousness, and openness. This model is used in personality evaluations and tests across a wide range of cultures.

People with neuroticism tend to have more depressed moods and suffer from feelings of guilt, envy, anger, and anxiety more frequently and more severely than other individuals.

They can be particularly sensitive to environmental stress. People with neuroticism may see everyday situations as menacing and major. Frustrations that may be experienced by others as trivial may become problematic and lead to despair.

An individual with neuroticism may be self-conscious and shy. They may tend to internalize phobias and other neurotic traits, such as anxiety, panic, aggression, negativity, and depression. Neuroticism is an ongoing emotional state defined by these negative reactions and feelings.

Despite not qualifying as a diagnosis, psychologists and psychiatrists do not dismiss a personality that shows a heavy tilt towards neuroticism as unimportant for mental wellbeing. Dr. Benjamin B. Lahey, of the University of Chicago’s Departments of Health Studies and Psychiatry and Behavioral Neuroscience, said in a 2009 manuscript:

“Although not widely appreciated, there is growing evidence that neuroticism is a psychological trait of profound public health significance. Neuroticism is a robust correlate and predictor of many different mental and physical disorders, comorbidity among them, and the frequency of mental and general health service use.”

While neuroticism is not a diagnosis, or even a concern in an otherwise well-balanced personality, having it can feed into different mental and physical health problems.

Neurosis is complex, and research offers more than one explanation. However, it is different from neuroticism.

In basic terms, neurosis is a disorder involving obsessive thoughts or anxiety, while neuroticism is a personality trait that does not have the same negative impact on everyday living as an anxious condition. In modern non-medical texts, the two are often used with the same meaning, but this is inaccurate.

The term “neurosis” is rarely used by modern psychologists, as they consider it to be outdated and vague.

Characteristics of neurosis

Scientists do not agree on what constitutes neurosis, although there are common traits that have been explored over the centuries.

Emotional instability: According to Hans Jürgen Eysenck (1916-1997), a German-British psychologist, neurosis is defined by emotional instability.

A general affection of the nervous system: Neurosis was first used by Dr. William Kullen, from Scotland, in 1769. He maintained the term refers to “disorders of sense and motion” caused by “a general affection of the nervous system.” For Dr. Kullen, this includes coma and epilepsy.

No interference with rational thought or ability to function: More recently, neurosis refers to mental disorders that do not interfere with rational thought or the individual’s ability to function, even though they can cause distress.

Caused by an unpleasant experience: According to Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), a famous Austrian neurologist who founded the discipline of psychoanalysis, neurosis is a coping strategy caused by unsuccessfully repressed emotions from past experiences.

These emotions overwhelm or interfere with current experience. He gave the example of an overwhelming fear of dogs that may have resulted from a dog-attack earlier in life.

A conflict between two psychic events: Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961) was a Swiss psychiatrist who founded analytical psychology. He believed that a neurosis was a clash of conscious and unconscious events in the mind.

These stances on neurosis confirm that it is seen as an ailment, and is normally discussed with an aim to finding the cause of and treating the condition. While a personality test can confirm that a person has neuroticism, it is not a disease or condition and cannot be “treated.”

Psychosis is also different from neuroticism, although some have suggested that it may become a feature of neuroticism.

Psychosis causes a person to perceive or interpret what they see and experience in a different way to those around them. It interferes with their ability to function in a social context.

Symptoms of psychosis include hallucinations and delusions.

Psychosis can be a symptom of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, severe depression, or a brain tumor.

It can also be triggered by the misuse of some substances, such as alcohol and drugs, whether illegal or prescribed.

In recent years, scientists have questioned the distinction between neurosis and psychosis, as psychosis can develop from neurosis.

In 2002, researchers looking at data for nearly 4,000 people concluded that “neuroticism increases the risk for development of psychotic symptoms.”

Share on PinterestPanic attacks and tremors may be characteristics of anxious neurosis.

There are a few different types of neurosis. Here are some examples.

  • Anxious neurosis: Extreme anxiety and worry characterize this type of neurosis, as well as panic attacks and physical symptoms such as tremors and sweating.
  • Depressive neurosis: This consists of ongoing and profound sadness, often coupled with losing interest in activities that once provided pleasure.
  • Obsessive-compulsive neurosis: This condition involves repeating intrusive thoughts, behaviors, or mental acts. Both repeating and being deprived of these cues can cause distress.
  • War or combat neurosis: Now known as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), this involves excessive stress and inability to function in everyday life after experiencing deeply traumatic events.

Neurosis was often used to describe diseases in which the nervous system is not functioning correctly, and no lesions show to explain the dysfunction.

Neurosis is not currently diagnosed by healthcare professionals.

Psychologists and psychiatrists now place symptoms that resemble those in neurosis within the category of depressive disorders or anxiety. However, some psychoanalysts still use the term.

Neuroticism, on the other hand, can be identified and scored by personality tests.

When taking a personality test, an individual can get low, medium, or high scores for neuroticism. People with low scores are more emotionally stable and manage to deal with stress more successfully than those with high scores.

Share on PinterestCognitive behaviural therapy may be used to treat neurosis.

Neurosis would be treated with standard psychological care. Conditions that are now diagnosed differently, such as depressive disorder, would have been treated using the same methods as today when neurosis was used an active diagnosis

Treatment can include psychotherapy, psychoactive drugs, and relaxation exercises, such as deep breathing.

Other methods include cognitive behavioral therapy, which adjusts the faulty psychological mechanisms that respond to the environment to react as they should. Creative therapies, such as art therapy or music therapy, have also been used to tackle mental disturbances similar to neuroses.

Psychologists and psychiatrists have been trying to label neuroses for centuries without agreeing on a definition.

Although no longer used, the neuroses diagnosis was an important first step to understanding and treating the psychological disorders of today.

Neuroticism is not a medical problem, and its negative associations are misleading. It is a universal personality trait and is healthy as part of a balanced personality profile.

12 Tips from Therapists to Become Less Neurotic

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Published: March 1, 2022 Updated: September 7, 2022

Published: 03/01/2022 Updated: 09/07/2022

Neuroticism is classified as a personality characteristic that produces strong surges of negative emotions and adverse responses to stress. While neuroticism can be debilitating, there are effective strategies to help you feel less neurotic. Entering therapy, improving basic life habits, adjusting your outlook, and/or enhancing your support system can lend remarkable results. 1,2,3

What Is Neuroticism?

Neuroticism is a personality trait that predisposes someone to have negative responses to frustration, overactive distress, and emotional dysregulation. Highly neurotic people respond poorly to stress and experience frequent and intense unsettling emotions like excessive worry, anger, guilt etc. Individuals with increased levels of this personality trait tend to also have a pessimistic attitude, misinterpret trivial events as devastating, and perceive the world as threatening, unsafe, and unmanageable. 1,2,3

If you’d like to talk to someone about neuroticism, therapist are available. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp

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Negative Effects of Neuroticism

While some degree of neuroticism is normal, elevated neuroticism comes with a wide range of psychological and physical health concerns, maladaptive coping responses, and other difficulties. Recognizing the damaging effects neuroticism can have on your overall well-being is vital in preventing undesirable outcomes.1,2,3

Negative effects of neuroticism include the following: 

Psychiatric disorders  

  • Depression and bipolar disorder
  • Anxiety disorders
  • Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
  • Schizophrenia
  • Personality disorders
  • Substance use disorders
  • Eating disorders

Physical health problems

  • Cardiovascular disease
  • Asthma
  • Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)
  • Atopic eczema
  • Disruptive immune system
  • Further decline of existing health issues
  • Increased risk of mortality

Life difficulties and other problem areas

  • Life dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and pessimistic attitude
  • Low self-esteem/self-acceptance and feelings of inadequacy/awkwardness
  • Anger issues and pervasive irritability
  • Feelings of guilt and shame
  • Excessive worry/obsessive thoughts
  • Smoking and alcohol misuse
  • Risky sexual behaviors
  • Poor job/academic performance
  • Relational problems, marital conflicts, or divorce

How to Become Less Neurotic: 12 Tips

A high level of neuroticism can impact your emotions, coping abilities, and overall health. Nonetheless, this trait is believed to decline over one’s lifespan, and emerging research suggests that people high in this trait can improve their quality of life. Learning a few simple strategies can promote healthier emotional responses and reduce neuroticism.1,2,3

Here are 12 tips on how to be less neurotic:

1. Self-Reflect Through Journaling

If your neuroticism is high, you may be inclined to avoid or suppress emotions, which makes addressing the source of your distress more difficult. As such, self-reflecting via journaling may be beneficial. Writing serves as a healthy outlet to confront, release, and manage your emotions. Furthermore, it may potentially shed light on what is at the core of your struggles.

2. Go to Therapy

The best way to directly address your neuroticism is to enter therapy. Highly neurotic individuals can improve with therapy, medication, or a combination of both. Counseling offers a validating environment for you to express/process your feelings and improve your coping skills.

Additionally, engaging in a treatment called the Unified Protocol (UP) has shown more efficacy for treating neuroticism in comparison to traditional therapies. UP’s goal is to comprehensively target the neurotic trait and provide effective strategies so the person can learn adaptive ways to confront and respond to strong emotions.2

Options For Anxiety Treatment

Talk Therapy – Get help from a licensed therapist. Betterhelp offers online therapy starting at $60 per week. Get matched With A Therapist

Medication – Find out if anxiety medication is a good fit for you. Brightside offers a free assessment. Treatments start at $95 per month. Free Assessment

Meditation & Mindfulness – Developing mindfulness and practice can lower anxiety. Get started with Free Trial of Headspace

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp, Brightside, and Headspace.

3. Reappraise & Replace Your Thoughts

How we think of or interpret things can deeply influence the way we feel and vice versa. When you’re highly neurotic your general worldview and how you appraise yourself tends to be skewed, triggering a series of uncomfortable emotions (e.g., fear, worry, sadness) that lead to maladaptive reactions.

Consider analyzing your thoughts objectively to identify inaccurate assumptions that cause you discomfort and lead you to act in undesirable ways. Then, look at these from a different angle, and replace them with constructive, factual thoughts. Addressing cognitive distortions can help you develop a more flexible mentality and offset the negative effects of neuroticism.2

4. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be described as deliberately focusing one’s attention on the present moment in a non-judgmental way. Several studies suggest that practicing mindfulness can be an effective intervention for reducing high levels of neuroticism and intense emotions.

The most beneficial aspect of mindfulness for neuroticism is that it’s a means to practice acceptance and realize that difficult emotions are temporary and unharmful. Frequently engaging in brief mindful exercises can help you develop the habit of shifting your attention to the present moment during times of overwhelming stress.2

5. Use Opposite to Emotion/Action Technique

Emotions signal us to act in particular ways or trigger certain behaviors. When your neuroticism is high, your negative emotions tend to activate dysfunctional behaviors. However, you can break this cycle by employing opposite emotion/action. This dialectical-behavioral intervention can help you act contrary to your emotionally driven behaviors.

For example, if you are inclined to scream or curse when you’re angry, instead speak politely and calmly. Or, if you tend to withdraw when you are depressed, reach out to a friend instead. Regularly doing this can help you develop healthier behaviors and reduce the negative emotions that maintain your distress and reinforce neuroticism. 2,5

6. Radical Acceptance

Coming across difficult situations or unexpected changes can push you over the edge when you have neurotic tendencies. You may start ruminating about how awful the situation is and get stuck in the negative aspects of the stressor, which only makes stress worse. Using radical acceptance, a dialectical-behavioral technique, can help you deal with things that are out of your control or don’t have an immediate solution.

This doesn’t mean that you are complacent or dismissive of your emotions or circumstances. Instead, this is a deliberate decision to situate yourself in a better position to think more clearly. By accepting reality as-is, you can move towards a more stable mindset, become more tolerant of uncomfortable feelings, and cope with challenging life events.2,5

7. Effective Problem-Solving

When you are overly neurotic, common problems can feel overwhelming or impossible to solve. Your mind may become clogged with uncontrollable worry, fear, panic etc. Coming from such an emotionally charged state can prevent you from accessing objective problem-solving strategies, but taking a proactive stance can help.

Start by recognizing and accepting your emotions without dwelling. Next, shift your efforts towards what you can realistically manage. In turn, you’ll gain the mental clarity necessary to prioritize, explore your options, find creative solutions, and make sensible decisions. You’ll also begin to develop self-confidence.6

8. Foster Positive Emotions

Having a positive attitude is associated with an overall sense of well-being, less distress, general sense of life satisfaction, better coping, and more. Fostering positive emotions can help counteract the negative ones that arise from neuroticism. With continued and deliberate practice, you’ll notice constructive changes in how you think, feel, and act.7

Here are ways to foster positive emotions:

  • Try to focus on the things that are going well in your life, no matter how small they may be
  • Reframe your negative internal dialogue 
  • Practice gratitude by acknowledging external sources that contribute to your well-being
  • Do good deeds to feel better about yourself (e. g., hold the door open for a stranger, volunteer, give someone a compliment, etc.)
  • Recognize the positive qualities you possess and how they have helped you overcome obstacles
  • Foster positive relationships and interact with people who uplift and inspire others
  • Focus on basic habits like eating healthy, exercising regularly, and getting quality sleep

9. Embrace the Upside of Neuroticism

Although extreme neuroticism has negative implications, neuroticism in general has a constructive side. People with neuroticism are thought to have greater self-awareness, sense of humor, conscientiousness, intelligence, creativity, and more.8 Essentially, you can use your neuroticism to your advantage.

Learn to embrace your emotions because they provide important information. Instead of avoiding them, ask what these emotions are trying to tell you. Having this different take on your neuroticism may help you feel empowered and increase your self-confidence.

10. Focus On Eating & Exercise Habits

Neuroticism is associated with poor health, decreased physical activity, and deficient nutritional habits.3 If your body is unwell, managing emotions can become even more taxing. Fostering positive lifestyle components like proper nutrition and regular exercise can play an integral role in your overall well-being.

Exercising regularly has immediate, long-term benefits, including improved physical health, emotional regulation, self-esteem, sleep patterns, mood-boosting, and more. Moreover, when you exercise regularly, you empower your internal reserves and maintain good mental health. The level of intention and discipline required by exercise can also help you manage your emotions.7

Nutrition is important for your body and brain, and there is sufficient evidence to suggest that it affects mental health, too. Balanced meals rich in nutrients, vitamins, and minerals can prevent/improve chronic medical and mental health conditions. Lastly, there is scientific data indicating that maintaining a well-nourished body supports cognitive functioning and strengthens resiliency.9

11. Manage Your Stress

When you’re neurotic, you may be more susceptible to stress. Overtime, unmanaged stress can debilitate your general health, lead to dysregulated emotions, and worsen your neuroticism. For this reason, it’s crucial to effectively manage stress.

There are a variety of effective techniques and activities you can practice to control your stress. Find a method that will revitalize and strengthen you physically, mentally, and emotionally. This can bring you balance, help you sensibly manage your emotions, and build resilience to face life challenges.10

Here are tips to manage stress:

  • Add more fun to your life (e.g., going to the movies, getting together with friends, going to the park, gardening, joining a book club, etc.)
  • Make time for relaxation and self-nurturing activities like deep breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, or a mindful walk
  • Maintain a consistent routine that includes healthy eating, proper sleep, and regular exercise
  • Journal consistently to process your emotions and cultivate gratitude
  • Avoid excess consumption of alcohol and caffeine
  • Abstain from substance use

12. Enhance Your Relationships & Expand Your Supports

Having high neuroticism tends to lead to unstable interpersonal relationships, relational problems, and social withdrawal. Focus on the relationships that are valuable to you and/or enhance your life.

Ask yourself: Is there anything I can do to improve the quality of my relationships? Are there any skills I can work on like communication, compassion, assertiveness, or active listening? What are ways I can healthily connect with others? How can I expand my support system?

You’ll find that enriching your interpersonal skills and having a more flexible attitude can improve how you relate to others. Furthermore, establishing and sustaining meaningful relationships can bring you a sense of social connectedness, especially when you’re going through a stressful time.5,7,10

When Is Talking to a Therapist Helpful?

Neuroticism is a risk factor for the onset of mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety. Left unchecked, it can have serious health implications, so if your neuroticism is severe enough to interfere with daily life, speak with your physician or seek psychological help.1 Begin your search through an online therapist directory; filter your preferences and specific needs to find a mental health professional who is well-versed with emotional/personality conditions.

Final Thoughts On How to Reduce Neuroticism

Neuroticism can be difficult to overcome, but there are effective ways to reduce its intensity and help you to better cope. Address your struggles with neuroticism head on by seeking therapy, making lifestyle adjustments, and/or fortifying your support system. By utilizing your strengths and healthy strategies, you can lessen the impact of neuroticism and sustain an overall sense of wellness.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for referrals by the companies mentioned below.

BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Online-Therapy.com – Receive help for anxiety. The Online-Therapy.com standard plan includes a weekly 45 minute video session, unlimited text messaging between sessions, and self-guided activities like journaling. Recently, they added Yoga videos. Get Started

Brightside Health (Online Psychiatry) – If you’re struggling with anxiety, finding the right medication can make a difference. Brightside Health treatment plans start at $95 per month. Following a free online evaluation and receiving a prescription, you can get FDA approved medications delivered to your door. Free Assessment

Headspace (Meditation App) – Headspace is the leading mindfulness and meditation app with over 70 million members. Headspace offers guidance and exercises for all skill levels, including beginners. Free Trial

Choosing Therapy’s Directory – Find an experienced therapist specialising in anxiety. You can search for a therapist by specialty, availability, insurance, and affordability. Therapist profiles and introductory videos provide insight into the therapist’s personality so you find the right fit. Find a therapist today.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, Brightside, and Headspace

For Further Reading

  • Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA)
  • Emotions Anonymous
  • Emotions Matter
  • Mindful.org
  • Best Self-Discipline Books

10 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Cassiello-Robbins, C., Wilner, J. G., & Sauer-Zavala, S. (2020). Neuroticism. In T. K. Shackelford & V. Zeigler-Hill (Eds.), Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-28099-8_2098-1

  • Sauer-Zavala, S., & Barlow, D. H. (2021). Neuroticism: a new framework for emotional disorders and their treatment. The Guilford Press.

  • Zhang, F. (2020). Neuroticism. In B. J. Carducci, C. S. Nave, J. S. Mio, & R. E. Riggio (Eds.), THE WILEY ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PERSONALITY AND INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES, VOLUME 1 : models and theories. (1st ed., Vol. 1, pp. 281–286). Wiley-Blackwell.

  • Journaling for Mental Health – Health Encyclopedia – University of Rochester Medical Center. (2022). Rochester.edu. https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentID=4552&ContentTypeID=1

  • Pederson, L., & Cortney Sidwell Pederson. (2017). The expanded dialectical behavior therapy skills training manual: DBT for self-help, and individual and group treatment settings. Pesi Publishing & Media.

  • Nezu, A. M., Nezu, C. M., & Gerber, H. R. (2019). (Emotion‐centered) problem‐solving therapy: An update. Australian Psychologist, 54(5), 361–371. https://doi.org/10.1111/ap.12418

  • Grenville-Cleave, B. (2016). Positive psychology: a toolkit for happiness, purpose and well-being. Icon Books.

  • Perkins, A. M., Arnone, D., Smallwood, J., & Mobbs, D. (2015). Thinking too much: self-generated thought as the engine of neuroticism. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 19(9), 492–498. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2015.07.003

  • Adan, R. A. H., van der Beek, E. M., Buitelaar, J. K., Cryan, J. F., Hebebrand, J., Higgs, S., Schellekens, H., & Dickson, S. L. (2019). Nutritional psychiatry: Towards improving mental health by what you eat. European Neuropsychopharmacology, 29(12), 1321–1332. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.euroneuro.2019.10.011

  • Stress Management: Enhance your well-being by reducing stress and building resilience. (2020). Harvard Health Publications. Special Health Reports. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/stress-management-enhance-your-well-being-by-reducing-stress-and-building-resilience

If you are in need of immediate medical help:

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Riding a Unicorn: 10 Neurotic Steps to a Peaceful Life

283,933

Know Yourself Practices how to

Everyone around is talking about mindfulness. Be conscious, think positively, and a cheerful unicorn will instantly take you to the halls of the enlightened! Positive thinking is great, but if you're a long-time neurotic, riding a unicorn without shooting it is not going to be easy.

Anxiety, depression, irritability, self-doubt, decreased performance, appetite, sexual activity, fatigue and lack of motivation for anything are characteristic of a neurotic. This is even somewhat familiar to a healthy person who is very overtired.

At the same time, it is very easy to distinguish one from the other. A healthy person experiencing these symptoms tries to get rid of them as quickly as possible: go on vacation, change jobs, go to the doctor. The neurotic, on the other hand, becomes a hostage of negative experiences and wanders in three pine trees, not seeing a way out of the current situation. He just can't switch.

According to the WHO, from 1930 to 1995 the number of people suffering from neuroses increased 24 times. There is also a distribution according to which 2/3 of neuroses occur in women and 1/3 in men. At the same time, only 3-4% of them turn to the help of a specialist in our country.

What should everyone else do?

I have been a neurotic all my adult life. By the age of 30, she knew how to suffer best: she doubted and closed herself in, obsessed with negative emotions and fattened her suspiciousness to the size of paranoia.

One day I was lucky to wake up and take responsibility for all this bedlam. That's when the fun began! Sometimes I am very proud of myself, but there are also difficult periods.

The good news is that even on my darkest days, I know I'll never let go of the steering wheel for long. Because salvation is near. Just ten steps away.

Step 1. Yes, I am neurotic, now what?

First you have to admit your neuroticism. By accepting the problem, work with it begins. It is advisable not to make a drama out of this and do without self-flagellation. Anyway, you're not a psychopath, which is a plus.

From now on, start listening to yourself. Track your anxieties, don't ignore or suppress them. There are no trifles in this matter. Pull any thread and unravel the tangle of neuroses as best you can. And yes, it's time to stop blaming someone else for your problems - just take them as the original data set.

It is also forbidden to blame yourself. Let's get constructive.

Step 2. Reach out to your best friend

Your best friend will help you in stressful situations. Try to go to the mirror, look into the eyes of the person who has arisen there and confess your love to him. That does not work? And this is the same person. He sits somewhere in the depths of his neurotic shell and waits. Don't torture the poor man, let him go free.

And then a Friend will appear in the mirror, who will sincerely assure you of love and support. And inside it will become warmer and calmer. And even if you fall into the abyss of depressive states - and you will definitely break, and more than once - you can get out faster and easier if you reach out to yourself as soon as you come to your senses.

Step 3. In any incomprehensible situation, meditate

When you start walking around without a shell, it seems that danger awaits at every step. Collect your courage and do not rush to shoot back.

Is a quarrel brewing in the family? Lost your perfect weekend plan? Are you being pressured at work? Whatever happens, do not take hasty steps, do not act on emotions. In 9 out of 10 cases, you can afford to “fall out” of an anxious or unnerving situation for at least 10-15 minutes, preferably half an hour.

The main task of the neurotic is to trace the beginning of the destructive reaction and prevent the scenario from going along the old lines. Learn meditation techniques, learn to pause your brain. He will resist - this is normal, and you set yourself the task of spending this time without thoughts and emotions.

You will freak out later. If you want, of course.

Step 4. Go 21 Days Without Negativity

When we have learned to observe ourselves a little, we can try to take on a whole marathon called "21 days without negativity. " This is a very simple-looking technique that requires complete mobilization of attention, which, with due perseverance, can quickly change the emotional coloring of your whole life from a minus to a plus.

In the morning we need to put a bracelet on our arm and change it to the other arm every time we track a negative emotion in relation to situations, people or ourselves.

Rules of the game: if you can change the situation - change it, no - don't get emotional in vain. To win, you need to survive 21 days without changing the bracelet.

Step 5. What if I fail?

And if it doesn't work out, live through the anger, guilt, shame, fear to the end and move on. You can stand still for a very long time, arguing why we don’t try this or that. And you can just give yourself the right to make a mistake.

This step requires courage and humility. Everyone is wrong. You don't need to calculate the result. Do what you must, and come what may.

The bad news: unlike suffering, happiness requires effort. The good news: it's worth it.

Step 6. Go in for sports and spend more time in nature

Moments of falling back into old habits can and should be used to your advantage. For example, in a state of destructiveness, you can shake the press or go to breathe in nature.

Residents of large cities with a sedentary lifestyle are most susceptible to neuroses. Conclusion: we need to move more, preferably where there are fewer people and more trees.

Step 7. Forgive everyone

Neurotic people are a very vulnerable people. However, the worst thing that can be advised to them is not to pay attention to grievances. “Yeah, what nonsense! Found something to worry about!” Yeah. So my feelings are nonsense? OK. Where is my list of offenders ... I will add one more name.

The habit of being offended is a real addiction, and one strong-willed decision cannot overcome it. But there are effective practices that help remove accumulated blocks and remove the emotional attachment to such a reaction: hate letters, forgiveness meditations, and so on. For example, you can imagine a golden sword that cuts a black cord between you and the offender, through which resentment “flows”, and then release the offender on all four sides with words of forgiveness.

If at the words “I forgive and release” you still want to give the offender additional acceleration, the exercise should be repeated.

Step 8. Now give thanks

Through resentment, we can gain valuable information about ourselves. They will always unmistakably show where integrity is broken and what needs to be worked on. So offenders can only be thanked, and not only them. Gratitude is generally a very strong healing emotion, a real antidote for a neurotic exhausted by negative experiences.

Train yourself to concentrate on the opposite pole: start and end the day with gratitude. There will always be reasons for this.

Step 9. Change the environment

If a fresh cucumber gets into a jar with salted ones, then after a while it salts out. This also works with people - mood, perception of the world and oneself are very much dependent on the environment. People don't become neurotic out of nowhere. The model of such behavior, like any other, is formed in the family and the immediate environment.

In the previous steps, we have learned to control our own toxic behavior. Now it's time to get rid of the toxic environment or render it harmless. Don't let anyone dump negative experiences on you.

If the narrator does not pursue the goal of somehow changing the situation and came to you not for advice, but to chat, transfer the conversation to another topic or cut it off without regret. Chat more often with those who share something interesting and inspiring.

Step 10. Create something

Any person is a creator by nature. You don't have to be a great musician, artist or writer to feel it. Try to create something to which the soul lies.

Set a modest goal to begin with. For example, if you dreamed of building a motorcycle, start with a bicycle. If you wanted to write a book, write an article about your favorite author or come up with a fairy tale that will interest your child. Bake bread, paint old furniture.

Do something just because you feel like it. And then admire the result and remind yourself that this is just the first step. In fact, you can do much more.

About the author

Natalya Yakunina – journalist, copywriter.

Text: Natalia Yakunina Photo Source: Getty Images

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Doorbell. Calm down, it's just checking the counters. What if they don't have shoe covers with them? Where did the guest slippers go? No, these are not allowed - they are with a hole. Where is the money? Damn, there is only change in the wallet - how can you pay off the master? Blush again, make excuses...

It is hard to live with neuroticism - trifling problems take on a dramatic coloring. An accidental skirmish in transport can ruin the whole day, and a friend’s missed birthday can become an excuse to never talk to him again (out of shame, of course).

Temperamental researchers define neuroticism (or neuroticism) as sensitivity to negative emotions. It can be reduced - in this case, the person is in control of himself, but is distinguished by rudeness and insensitivity. And with high neuroticism, he constantly has some anxiety in the background. Usually it does not cause problems, but strong shocks and constant stress can turn it into a neurosis - and this is already a disease.

If you are prone to neuroticism, you have a low tolerance for energy-consuming emotions like anger and anxiety. Such children are easy to distinguish from the rest: they are afraid of strangers or unusual surroundings, do not like bright lights, loud sounds and fuss. Over time, the fear of criticism, conflicts and uncertain situations in which you need to think quickly and improvise is added to this list.

You try to avoid them - and as a result you seem passive, indecisive, colorless. Such people miss their chances, falling into the scenario of the eternal "non-winners" (as psychologist Eric Berne called them) - people who work until the seventh sweat, but cannot advance beyond the head of the department. Their own obsession with negativity prevents them from getting to the top.

Ignoring or suppressing your feelings is pointless - in this way you risk upsetting your psyche. Obsessive-compulsive disorder occurs precisely as an attempt to cope with intrusive thoughts.

"The problem is not that we experience a lot of negative emotions, but that we allow them to dominate our thoughts and actions," explains psychologist Rebecca Skinner, author of The Temperament Handbook. The best way to deal with sensitivity to negative emotions is to learn how to deal with them.

Replace "negative" with "difficult"

The problem won't go away if we just change the words. But this action is "permissive" in nature: we change the image of something repulsive and frightening to a more neutral one. Difficult does not mean impossible. Difficult only means that we have to go some way. Perhaps we will become stronger if we deal with this experience. One way or another, we will no longer have a reason to avoid it.

Get ready for adventure

Psychotherapist Luis Cozolino, author of Why Therapy Works, states that one of the biggest dangers for a neurotic is missing out on the fun in life because of his anxiety. Imagine what you lose when you are afraid to leave the house: communication with wonderful people, traveling, feeling the fullness of life.

If you describe your feelings on paper, you can get rid of anxiety symptoms

What to do? Develop the ability to take risks. Do things you would never do and practice it consistently. Fear of the first step is the most difficult (not negative!) moment to overcome. Try replacing it with curiosity. As if you are an explorer, and the world around you is an unfamiliar planet on which you have to get comfortable.

Learn to analyze your condition

Oddly enough, it is the close attention to one's thoughts and emotions that can help weaken their hold on the mind. The ability to accurately distinguish and name emotions does not allow them to tangle into a dark, sinister tangle. It is easier to work with a specific sense of embarrassment because of the upcoming meeting with the employer than with a sense of shame for your existence in front of the whole world.

Express feelings in words

The very process of naming feelings brings relief. Experiments by psychologist James Pennebaker have shown that expressive writing (describing your feelings on paper) for 20 minutes over three days helps relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Lose control of your thoughts

A colleague didn't hold the elevator door for you. You feverishly sort through your memory: maybe you let him down in the past? Didn't say hello yesterday? Or did they give you some other reason to hate you? In fact, maybe he was just in a hurry. Or didn't notice you. Or maybe he was just annoyed. One way or another, you have no reason to believe that he is angry with you.

You can't know what's going on in another person's head, so don't worry about it

In situations where you get stuck on interpreting a situation, remember dispositional awareness. This is a state in which you proceed only from the information that is available to you.

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