How to be humble in a relationship

Humility is your willingness to put others ahead of yourself. Now it may sound like it’s an easy task but it’s one of the most challenging things a person should do because it’s mainly doing one thing- sacrificing your self-gratification for other people or for your partner when you are in a relationship.

Just like trust, love, and understanding, humility is one of the most important things a good relationship should possess. A relationship with two people being humble with each other also shows how both of them respect each other.

So how do we really humble ourselves when we’re in a relationship? Here are 7 ways to show and inspire humility:

Cliche as it may sounds, but the statement “nobody is perfect” should be a constant reminder in a relationship. You can’t expect your partner (or even yourself), to attain perfection because we’re all humans and we do commit mistakes. Now it’s also important to admit it with a pure heart; getting angry or admitting your wrong just for the heck of it is a no-no. Accepting your mistake instead of protecting your ego is better than making things or your problems worse.

Listening is a skill that many people lack in today’s world of multi-tasking and obsession with technology. To communicate effectively with your partner, listening to him/her is very important. Letting him/her finish what talking and listening attentively shows that you care about what your partner’s sharing with you. It shows how you respect your partner’s side and it can also help in understanding your partner more. Your partner’s opinion is as important as yours.

ALSO READ: 10 Tips on How to be a Better Listener in Your Relationship

3. Be open to unsolicited pieces of advice.

Unsolicited advice is inevitable once you’re in a relationship, and it should be accepted with an open mind. Instead of getting hurt or rejecting the feedback, reflect on that advice, and apply it to your life. The process might be uncomfortable but it’s for your own good.

On the other hand, when you give your advice to your partner, do it with sincerity. Try putting yourself in your significant other’s shoes, you would feel hurt and offended, right? Say it in a calming manner and show him/her that you are giving that advice with the purest intentions.

Most of the time we feel hurt once we’re being criticized by someone, especially our partners. But it should not be something that we should be upset about. Our partners are not only there for the hearts and flowers, they are also there to make us the best version of ourselves. Criticisms should be accepted wholeheartedly and should be used as a tool to improve the things that need to be developed.

Being with someone means accepting that you will have a lot of differences and sometimes have different views on things. It will test your patience and would get you out of your comfort zone. You have to get used to being uncomfortable.

Most men would tend to hide their true feelings from other people especially when they’re feeling weak. But humility will teach you that it’s okay not to be okay, even for men. You don’t always have to look tough. It’s also a part of learning how to trust and find comfort in each other when you are in a relationship.

Becoming mindful of your own actions and also your partner can help you in understanding both of your perspectives once the both of you are in an argument. That way, you can see the bigger picture that would help you resolve whatever conflicts or challenges your relationship is faced with. This can also help you assess the things or actions you do that need to be changed.

Challenges and trials are inevitable, but in the end, you still overcome those things and end up being stronger than before. So it’s important to be grateful for your partner for staying and fighting for your relationship despite all the things that you’ve been through.

Being humble in a relationship does not happen overnight. It’s a skill that needs to be learned gradually. You may start small but it’s better than not trying at all. We all have our own pace and the right time will come where you can fully learn how to be humble. It may be hard to do it at first, but all of your efforts are worth it in the end.

Finally, always remember that if you want to receive grace from God, you have to practice humility, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5).”

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ALSO READ:

9 Humble Ways to Admit You’re Wrong

10 Ways to Have More Patience in a Relationship

11 Effective Ways to Stop Being an Arrogant Person

How to be a Humble Person: 20 Ways to Get Rid of Pride

Mary Fatima Berongoy

Fatima is a photography enthusiast who loves to binge - watch movies and television series. She also loves listening to indie music and dreams to own a coffee shop one day.

8 techniques for developing modesty in yourself and at the same time influencing others

As a virtue, modesty is not very popular. People with this character trait do not often get on the covers of glossy publications, scandals do not flare up around them, and in general they give very few reasons for sensations, even if they are known.

This leads to one misconception about modest people: that they are not sure of themselves. But this is not so, because they have inner strength, although they do not boast of it, flaunting it. Thus, it can be said that modesty is a quiet strength. nine0003

According to Wikipedia, modesty is the ability to keep oneself within limits, to be moderate, calm, restrained. It can be both a character trait and a way of life of a person, and, interestingly, a skill.

Modesty is expressed as follows:

• observance of the limits of decency;
• moderation of requirements;
• decency and degree in dealing with other people;
• lack of lust for power, desire to dominate, showing oneself; nine0012
• indifference to luxury and excesses.

To find out the power of modesty, we will try to look at this character trait from all sides, understand how it combines with influence on other people, answer some questions, and also conduct a small session of introspection.

Two types of powerful forces

In the context of modesty, there are two types of people. And they are, as a rule, on completely opposite sides of the social spectrum. nine0003

The first type has a fleeting effect on others. They seem to be quite powerful and self-confident, but their strength turns out to be negligible. Maybe you succumbed to their influence today, but tomorrow it will completely disappear. People of the second type at first have very little influence, but over time it grows and gets stronger.

Before examining these two types of people in detail, let's do a quick introspection session to determine which side of the spectrum you are on. Ask yourself the following questions: nine0003

• Am I acting out of fear or gratitude?
• I tend to trust people more or Do they trust me more often?
• Do I always try to prove that is right or I live calmly with the fact that people can have their own opinion?
• Do I feel that I am better than others or perceive them as equals?
• Are people in my shadow or do I let them be in the spotlight? nine0012
• I often brag about my achievements or do I prefer to talk about other people's achievements?

Pay attention to the union "or": it helps in one sentence to talk about the behavior of two types of people. Write down the answers to the questions, and then answer one more: how do you feel in those situations that you did not choose? For example, if you love being the life of the party, how does it feel to have others in the spotlight? nine0003

If you tend to choose both options, then you are somewhere in the middle of this spectrum. Perhaps this behavior is reasonable. In any case, this is better than being too modest (even shy) or defiantly self-confident.

Of course, the amount of influence depends on many factors. However, there is one that stands out from the rest and has great power: whether you act out of gratitude or fear. In other words, out of a sense of humility or arrogance (a form of dominance). nine0003

Yes, arrogance, like many unpleasant human traits, is a product of inner fear. We fear that we will not be appreciated enough, so we choose a defiant demeanor to amuse our self-esteem and muffle the voice of fear.

Advantages of modesty

Modesty has some very solid advantages over arrogance and ignorance that often follows.

Great for leadership

Humble leaders are not only loved, they are also more productive and efficient in their duties. A good leader is someone who knows how to admit their mistakes and draw conclusions from them.

Increases self-control

Self-control is one of the key aspects of a successful life. Paradoxically or not, obsession with one's personality leads to a decrease in self-control.

Increases work capacity

A modest person rarely rests on his laurels, that is, after completing one task, he immediately takes on the second. He enjoys the process itself, and not the results, which distinguishes him from the rest. In the end, modesty allows you to save mental energy, which is directed to the performance of work duties.

Helps to learn and develop new skills

Humble people know that they "know nothing." They are never satisfied with the current level of skills, so they strive to improve every day. When a person behaves humbly, it is easier for him to tune in to a long journey. This is important, for example, when learning a foreign language or creating a startup. nine0003

Reduces prejudice

If a person is modest, he rarely looks prejudicedly at the world, shows tolerance towards others.

Creates strong relationships between people

Humble people make relationships stronger. Why? They make the interlocutor feel important because they do not focus on their ego.

Shortcomings of modesty

We have already spoken about the metaphorical scale on which excessive modesty is at the extreme point of one end. This can already be called painful shyness, which is fraught with many shortcomings. Here are the main ones. nine0003

People will underestimate you

This is the biggest reason why you shouldn't be too humble.

If no one knows what you've done, what important projects you've worked on, and what you've accomplished, don't be surprised if you're underestimated. People simply don't have the right information.

Not everyone makes false assumptions, but most people will judge your ability based on what they know. Excessive modesty leads to a lack of information. So don't be afraid to talk about your successes, just make sure it doesn't come across as bragging. What to do? Report achievements at the right time, especially when you get a direct question. nine0003

Your skills may go unnoticed

How can people (especially a potential employer) learn about your skills if you don't mention them? If you do not report your abilities, then talents will go unnoticed. And this has a very detrimental effect, for example, on the level of income. But not only talk about it, but also show yourself in action.

You may end up being a follower instead of a leader

While humility is the hallmark of a good leader, extremes can be costly. People should know that you know how to lead, make strong-willed decisions, and have the ability to influence others. nine0003

What to do? Use every opportunity to lead people or take on complex projects that require competent team management.

How to get rid of shyness

Excessive modesty develops into shyness, so you need to know how to get rid of it.

Reflect on your personality

Shyness, in contrast to introversion, which is associated with silence and restraint, is characterized by indecision, tension, timidity, awkwardness in society. nine0003

Such a person has a great fear that others will evaluate him negatively. Instead of thinking about what needs to be done, he dwells too much on the problem itself without trying to find a way out.

One way to reduce social anxiety is to spend more time thinking about what you can think of to make the situation successful. Ask yourself questions:

• When do I show excessive modesty? nine0012
• How can I make these situations more comfortable for me?

Be interested in other people

As we have already mentioned, an overly modest and shy person focuses too much on his emotions and feelings, so he cannot feel at ease. The solution is simple: start thinking about other people. This is a simple and effective strategy that helps not only to remove anxiety, but also to interest others. After all, everyone is pleased when they pay attention. nine0003

This will be difficult at first, so ask yourself questions that will pique your curiosity:

• What are the interests and hobbies of this person?
• What message does he want to convey?
• Why is this person behaving this way?

Soften your internal dialogue

Shy people are often very critical of themselves and their internal dialogue can be very harsh.

The inner critic can do a lot of emotional damage, robbing you of peace and lowering your self-esteem. All this only exacerbates the problem, not giving the opportunity to find a solution. nine0003

The voice you use to talk to yourself can be your best friend. Use words like "should" or "must" less frequently, especially in social situations.

How to Develop Humility and Influence Others

There are many ways that you can apply to become a more modest person without losing your personality and becoming shy.

The easiest way to do this is to list the actions, habits, behaviors, and beliefs that create a modesty cocktail. Mix these ingredients together and you'll get all the benefits we talked about earlier. nine0003

Remember that a humble person:

• Often redirects praise to other people, as Oscar winners do.
• Openly admits his mistakes and failures.
• Increases the confidence of others without putting yourself down.
• Does not flaunt his achievements and talents, but does not hide them.
• Recognizes that skills and abilities do not appear out of the blue, but are the result of long and focused work. nine0012
• When talking, tries to dig deeper and find out what is good in the interlocutor. He recognizes his dignity directly, but does not flatter.
• Believes there is always something to learn. He does not stop for a second in his self-development.
• Admits his mistakes and corrects them.

So here are some simple strategies to help you become a more humble person.

1 Thank others

Gratitude can make you less self-centered and help you focus on the people around you. It kills pride and inflated self-esteem. nine0003

Expressing gratitude makes a person humble. It can be something small, like a simple "Thank you!" the person holding the door. Or significant, when you, as a leader, recognize the contribution of each team member to success.

2 Treat everyone the same

This is one of the hardest ways to become humble. And yet, it is the most effective.

We humans are often subject to various cognitive distortions. For example, The Eva Braun Effect suggests that we tend to like other people just because we know them. nine0003

Modest people are kind, considerate, courteous, and respectful to everyone they meet. Treat each person with the respect and dignity they deserve. Don't judge people by their status or position.

3 Ask for feedback

Self-confident, ignorant people do not need feedback, because they already know everything and they do not need to learn anything more.

Ask a few close friends to be really honest about three things they appreciate about you and three areas where you might need some growth. nine0003

4 Challenge Prejudice

Joshua Hook, Ph.D., says that in order to become modest and moderate, you need to start with the following exercise: identify an area in which you understand little.

One of his students, for example, had a lot of prejudice against older people and believed that they were much dumber and more primitive than young people. He visited a nursing home and completely changed his mind.

Hug says: “During this exercise you must listen and learn. Do not prove your point of view and do not jump to conclusions. nine0003

If you have negative prejudices about, say, a religion, attend a service or talk to someone who practices it. Humility and modesty is the desire to keep the mind open to everything new.

5 Start with a question

Start a meeting with a person with a question, not a solution. Why is this needed?

If you ask a question, you demonstrate that you do not know something. Thus, enter into a state of active learning. You do not try to immediately say something, to start a topic that you know well. Instead, show the interlocutor that you are ready to accept new information. nine0003

6 Listen to people

Another piece of advice that is very difficult to implement. And again we are talking about the ego. Why do people like to talk more than to listen? Because he raises self-esteem, asserts himself by saying some words.

A modest person does not need all this. He knows that he is strong inside, so he listens with great pleasure. He understands that more can be learned with the ears, asks questions and does not interrupt.

If you're used to talking all the time, try challenging yourself and listening to people for a month. This amazing experience will open up another world. You will find that you can feel comfortable speaking a word or two occasionally and focusing entirely on the other person's speech. nine0003

All this requires great awareness. As soon as you remember this advice, especially during the time you find yourself in the spotlight, give this place to someone else and start asking him open advice. You will see that it can be a real pleasure.

7 Accept failure

An indiscreet person will react very violently to failure, blaming others, because he does not want to lower his self-esteem (as he believes).

A modest person understands that there is nothing humiliating in putting up with failure and defeat. After all, the main thing is how you react and what actions you take. nine0003

Humility and modesty will allow you to face the difficult challenges of fate without fear of failure. But if the worst happened, that's just one more reason to roll up your sleeves and keep working on yourself.

8 Keep learning

Humility has another good side: humble people know they're not perfect and don't stop learning. It’s not that they strive for incredible success, it’s just that this process gives them pleasure.

You can study in absolutely any situation: nine0003

• If something good happens, it is a reason to learn to rejoice from the bottom of your heart.
• If something bad happened, then there is a chance to test the strength of your psyche or the ability to make decisions under pressure.
• If nothing happened and there is unbearable boredom around, then learn to entertain yourself with the help of reflection, observation, meditation.

In our Library you can read a review of the book New Reflections on Personal Development. Health. Conscience. Love by Itzhak Adizes nine0003

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Relationship with a modest guy: advantages

Everyone is different, and although it is believed that people with similar temperaments are easier to be together, sometimes the strongest relationships are an introvert with an extrovert. Here, for example, are the advantages of having an affair with a modest guy.

Vita Zorina

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Significant other

Remember, but write down nine0003

Pros and cons

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1. You will enjoy dating someone who does not interrupt

And if he does, he will immediately notice it and apologize. The opportunity to say everything and not be interrupted is priceless.

2. Being silent together is great

You don't have to go home after a hard day at work and think that ahead is an evening full of conversations. You can sit embracing and not think about how to fill an awkward pause. nine0003

3. His silence does not mean resentment towards you

Surely in past relationships you have already found out that if a partner behaves quietly, then this is one hundred percent internal passive aggression aimed at making the other one uncomfortable. But a humble silent person can simply immerse himself in his thoughts for a long time without the desire to prove something to you.

4. He loves written communication

And for good reason, because in this case there is time to think over the remark before sending it. nine0003

5. You'll have to ask him what interests you

Humility usually correlates with not wanting to talk too much about yourself, and if you don't ask how that big meeting went, he almost certainly won't talk about it himself . And the details will have to be literally pulled out of it with tongs.

6. And you can suddenly learn something

When you are sure that you know everything about him, he will suddenly say that he met with the president and talked with him for five whole minutes. nine0003

7. Sometimes he says things that no one else would have thought of

Listening to a huge number of your stories is behind him - no wonder he is able to put the facts together and ask what you would have done if in that situation there were other inputs.

8. He really remembers everything

Even the fact that at the dawn of your acquaintance you praised his favorite band, and a year later, casually said that you can't stand it. nine0003

9. He may not immediately get along with your friends

He is not a person who is ready to communicate a lot. And even more so with a large company. It's best to date one person at a time.

10. Chatty men will stop liking you

Spending a lot of time with someone who doesn't make flat jokes about others and doesn't comment on every movement of the characters in the series, you will definitely get tired of often communicating with those who do. nine0003

11. Modest men are good in bed

This happens quite often because they don't brag about their sexual accomplishments, they just do their part well.

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