How do you like yourself
Learn How to Self-love | Psychological Health Care
Self-love is a term that is often thrown around even in normal conversation. You have likely heard:
“You need to love yourself more.”
“Why don’t you love yourself?”
“You can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself first.”
Sayings like these are exhausted when it comes to giving people suggestions on ways to live a more fulfilling life, ways to have more confidence, ways to be more successful, or ways to feel something other than what they are feeling.
But when we talk about self-love in instances such as this, do we actually understand what we are talking about?
Let’s dive a little deeper into this sacred and fragile topic of how to self-love.
What is Self-love?
Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good; it is an action. Self-love is a choice. It is a way of relating to yourself that involves being understanding for your mistakes, understanding in your losses, and being able to effectively communicate with yourself about life without harshly judging or punishing yourself.
Research has shown that learning how to self-love is associated with:
- Less anxiety and depression
- Better recovery from stress
- An overall more optimistic outlook on life
- Better adherence to healthy behaviour changes
In short, self-love is how you view yourself and how you treat yourself.
Why is Self-Love Important?
Learning how to self-love is important to living happier and healthier in every aspect of your life. It influences who you pick to be your mate for life, the image you project at work, how you accomplish your work, the way you raise your children, the way you interact with those around you and the way you cope with the problems in your life.
Why You Might Be Lacking Self-Love
Low self-esteem or lack of self-love is something that could be developed in childhood and carry through to adulthood. Or, it is something that could present itself solely in adulthood.
Some negative behaviours that can be attributed to a lack of self-love, according to the National Association for Self-Esteem:
- Earlier sexual activity
- Alcohol and drug abuse
- Eating disorders
You might be lacking self-love for a variety of reasons or habits, as noted above. It can be because of the actions of those around you, because of a traumatic event in your life, because you lacked a good example of self-love, or simply because of a way of thinking that you innately practice.
But, one important thing to remember is that low self-esteem due to a lack of self-love is not an accurate reflection of reality, rather a reflection of your perception on reality.
Tips to Learn How to Self-Love
While self-love is not necessarily innate, it can be taught. Here are some helpful tips on how to self-love today:
Recognise How You Are Feeling
You’ve probably heard the cliché saying that “the first step to overcoming a problem is admitting that you have one.” Well, one of the first steps to learning how to self-love is kind of similar – it is becoming aware of yourself.
We all feel a variety of emotions throughout our life – sadness, anger, frustration, loneliness, happiness, and more.
When something is off, it is important to take a moment to recognise how you are feeling at that moment and why.
Why are you sad? Why are you angry? Why are you happy?
In self-love, you must be mindful so that you can begin to shift any negative state that is involved in those feelings.
Accept How You Are Feeling
While there is nothing wrong with feeling any of the emotions we mentioned or others, it is important that once you recognise your emotions you can accept them.
Whether you want to feel it or not, the feeling is there. Take a moment to pause and sit with that feeling.
Now, scan your body to see where you feel it.
Think About Your Feelings from an Outsider’s Perspective
How would you feel if you saw a loved one experiencing the feeling you are experiencing at that moment? Then, think about how you might encourage them to proceed.
What is funny about life and our brains is that we treat ourselves entirely different than we treat others. While we might try to enforce a positive behaviour on our friend or family member experiencing a negative emotion, we would beat ourselves up for feeling this way.
View this situation with a kind eye and be kind to yourself. Love yourself in that moment and all moments.
This self-love tip really has two points to it:
First, decide what it will take to forgive yourself for whatever the situation is.
Second, make a conscious decision to forgive yourself.
We can be so hard on ourselves sometimes, but it is important to give yourself a break. You can be your own worst enemy at times.
When you believe you have made a mistake, decide what action you can take to make it right in your own eyes. Then, use self-talk to encourage yourself to take that step toward forgiveness.
Say No to Others
Sometimes practising self-love isn’t just about speaking kindly to ourselves when we are feeling certain emotions. It can also be about taking care of ourselves when others are around.
Set boundaries. Make time for yourself. It is okay to tell people “no” if you think that you need to. Love yourself enough to make the right decision for you, not for anyone else.
Self-love is a continuous action, a continuous process, a continuous choice. You should constantly be investing in yourself by working on doing things that promote self-love.
One way to continuously ensure you are focusing on how to self-love and putting tips like these into practice is to consider seeing a psychologist regularly for support.
At Psychological Health Care, our trained clinical psychologists are experienced in things such as self-love, and as an unbiased third-party, we can more effectively assist you in your learning. Book an appointment and start your journey to learning how to self-love.
Self-love is vital to your overall well-being. Invest in your self – you matter.
How to Like Yourself: 12 Tips And Exercises
Experts indicate that it’s not uncommon for people to dislike themselves. Sometimes people can’t like themselves because of negative thought patterns and feelings. They may feel a sense of shame about who they are, making it extremely challenging to believe anything good about themselves.
Sometimes, people don’t like themselves because they didn’t come from a supportive or nurturing household as a child. They may have low self-esteem and lack compassion for themselves as a result. This lack of self-confidence can lead to people-pleasing for validation and porous boundaries.
You might not feel love for yourself right now, but you can take steps to get there. Taking steps to find a more neutral place where you don’t dislike yourself but don’t quite love yourself is a good starting point.
Continuing your journey will eventually lead to loving who you are. Experts indicate that some of these steps include:
1. Take care of yourself
Research indicates that regular exercise and a healthy diet can improve overall health and well-being. Consider setting a goal of 12-3 hours of moderate physical activity every week. This can look like going on walks, practicing yoga, joining a workout class, going for a bike ride, etc.
While exercising and eating healthy is essential for your well-being, you also must feel good about who you are on the outside. This could mean taking care of your appearance and dressing in a way that makes you feel comfortable and confident.
2. Identify Your Strengths
You might focus on your weaknesses and shortcomings when you don’t like yourself. Shifting your thought process and thinking about your strengths can make you feel better and release some of the negativity.
If this doesn’t come naturally to you, you might want to try journaling about the things you like about yourself and what you are good at so you have something positive to look back on when you’re feeling low. You can also call up a friend and ask them what they think your strengths are.
3. Express gratitude for who you are
Practicing gratitude by embracing your gifts, abilities, and life itself can help you learn to appreciate yourself. It allows you to focus on the positive aspects of your life rather than thinking of things you wish were different.
You can think of all the small ways you take care of yourself each day that you may take for granted. Thank yourself for moving your body today, feeding yourself, going to work, watering your plants, making your bed, etc.
You do more than you realize, and it’s worth taking a second to thank yourself for everything you do. You can also take a moment to thank the environment and the people who give meaning to your life.
4. Avoid comparing yourself to others
Comparing yourself to others often leads to not liking yourself. Comparing yourself can diminish your self-confidence and cause you to question your worth. You’ll likely notice an improvement in how you feel about yourself if you work to stop the comparisons.
When you do notice you’re comparing yourself, try to remind yourself that other people’s wins are not your losses, and there’s room for everyone to thrive in their lives.
5. Limit Social Media Exposure
If you compare yourself to people on social media, you can remember that you’re comparing yourself to their highlight reel. Many photos get edited to look perfect, and comparing yourself is unfair. Consider limiting your social media exposure if it becomes an issue in your life.
Even taking one day out of the week to distance yourself from social media and focus on the real world can help ground you and remind you that what goes on on social media ultimately doesn’t matter.
6. Focus on positive thinking
A negative thought process can lead to not liking yourself. You can switch your thought process and focus on positive thinking to help you find neutral territory. Eventually, positive thinking can lead to loving yourself, but take it one step at a time.
You can try replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, promoting an optimistic outlook on life. It can increase self-confidence and help you feel better about who you are.
Studies show that rumination, or analyzing and focusing on trauma or a past event, can lead to self-critical thoughts. Switching your mindset and focusing on positive thinking in these instances is essential, or it could contribute to depression.
This change in thinking may feel forced at first, but that’s okay. Stick with focusing on the positive, and positive thinking will eventually begin happening naturally.
7. Be kind to others
Being kind to others can help you like yourself better. Acts of kindness can improve your self-confidence because you’ll feel like a kind and generous person. Without acts of kindness toward others, your self-image might plummet, leading to not liking yourself much.
8. Prepare for upcoming events
Taking the time to prepare for upcoming events can help you like yourself. Studying for tests and setting aside the time you need to prepare can help you trust yourself. You’re more likely to feel good about yourself if you know that you did what was necessary to achieve your goals.
Tests aren’t the only thing you can prepare for to feel better about yourself. You can also plan for upcoming meetings, dinner parties, or events. Consider taking the time to think about any experiences coming up in your life so you can do what you can to prepare.
9. Surround yourself with positive people
Spending time with critical people who tear you down and make you feel bad about yourself isn’t beneficial. It can interfere with how you view yourself. Letting go of anyone who makes you feel unworthy can help you learn to like yourself.
Consider taking the time to develop a friend group that supports you and your dreams. They might offer constructive criticism because they want to see you do well. You can focus on the people who want what’s best for you and spend less time with negative people.
10. Set goals that are small and achievable
Achieving goals will make you feel better about yourself, helping you learn to like who you are. It can also help set you up for future success as you know you can achieve your goals.
You can set small goals that are easily achievable while still challenging yourself. It can help you recognize your strengths and love who you are.
Each time you reach your goal, increase what you wish to achieve next. Progressing in increments is powerful and helps keep you motivated while teaching you to like yourself.
11. Practice self-compassion
Practicing self-compassion can prove beneficial to your well-being and thought process. You can experience more positivity in life, contributing to liking yourself more. Experts explain that self-compassion involves being kind to yourself, practicing mindfulness, and focusing on humanity.
12. Try therapy
Therapy can help you recognize negative thinking habits that are inaccurate or harmful. It can also help you develop coping methods to alleviate stress and focus on the positive parts of your life. A therapist can help you recognize specific issues in your life that contribute to your disliking yourself.
It’s common for people to dislike themselves, but you can work toward a more positive lifestyle. You likely won’t quickly go from disliking yourself to loving who you are, but you can find neutral territory. Once you find neutral ground, you can keep building on it to learn to like yourself.
These tips can help you lead a better lifestyle. You deserve self-love and can achieve it by focusing on self-compassion and positive thinking.
You can start with one or two tips before moving on to other ideas. Or, you can implement it all at once. Either way, you can notice a positive change in your life with these helpful steps.
what to do with it? – HEROINE
Loving yourself is much more difficult than giving love to others. You look in the mirror, but you do not find a person there whom you could consider beautiful, successful, interesting. Among bright, memorable, charismatic people, you cannot find your place and show what you are capable of. Sounds familiar? We have collected for you 5 psychological tricks that will tell you what to do if you don’t like yourself, help you become better and finally love yourself.
1. Lower the bar
It is very difficult to enjoy yourself when you experience constant failure. By repeating the same mistake over and over, the only lesson you learn is that you are no good for anything. But the problem is not that you are not good enough, perhaps your ambitions are too high.
Psychologists advise you to practice lowering your own expectations in order to give yourself the opportunity to exhale and enjoy victories, even small ones. Lowering the bar means thinking more rationally and realizing that you may not be ready for something yet, and this is not a reason to miss the opportunity to triumph in areas more accessible to you. Stop jumping above your head and first learn to be the best where you are now.
2. Create a Self-Esteem File
Psychologists often advise clients to make a list of strengths in their personality and appearance, which increases self-esteem and helps fight self-acceptance problems. But once you have compiled such a list, you will not get rid of the problem, because once you experience another disappointment, you will already forget what you wrote. Therefore, it is better to make the so-called “Self-Esteem Folder”, where you can add all the positive things that people say about you. You've been given a compliment - write it down; your friends praised you - add this to the rest of the positive characteristics. Every time you feel uncomfortable in your own body, go flip through this folder.
3. Imagine yourself different
Visualization is a very powerful tool, because it connects fantasy to work, helps to realize your true desires and bring a positive result closer. Psychologists advise not just to look in the mirror, but to imagine yourself in one way or another. In a luxurious dress, jewelry and flowers, or in a business suit, on stage or on a cozy veranda. Try to see as many details as possible: what your hair looks like, your skin, what you are wearing, whether there is makeup, and who you look like in this image, because we think in associations - sometimes it is much easier to imagine yourself in the image of your favorite actress than whom -something original.
Our psyche is arranged in such a way that as soon as you realize exactly how you want to look, you will certainly begin to move towards this result. You will want to change your hairstyle, buy new clothes, change something in your manners, movements, and then you can decide on more global changes: work, place of residence, relationships.
4. Create an idol for yourself
One psychological study conducted in Oxford showed that visualization helps people not only expand the boundaries of their fantasy, but quite literally change. The pre-tested participants were asked to look at different pictures of people they liked for some time and listen to them talk (if that was possible). Nearly all of the participants chose celebrities as their favorites, viewed photos from their lives and watched video interviews with their idols. After the participants were asked to take the test again, and as a result it became clear that the subjects began to answer many questions in a different way.
The positive emotions we experience from watching someone we really like, someone we would like to be like, have a strong effect on our own self-esteem. If you look in the mirror and do not accept your reflection, you will only hurt yourself more. Looking at the photo of an idol, you compare your merits with his, but at the same time you subconsciously want to be like this photo, which pushes you to literally change.
So find someone you've always wanted to be like and hang a picture of him in your house. Admire, visualize and start thinking about change. In a year, you won't recognize yourself.
5. Buy new clothes
Sometimes clothes are just clothes, and sometimes they are very special things that define you. It’s hard to argue with this, because looking at the photo of the dress, you can say “in the style of Audrey Hepburn.” Having a personal style is very important for self-acceptance and self-improvement. Perhaps you have such difficulty looking in the mirror, simply because you are still wearing “not your clothes”?
Aneli Rufus, the author of the book “Dummy,” spoke in her work about how she had to deal with dislike for herself. One day her psychologist suggested a little exercise to her. She had to go through her specialist's closet and toss what she thought was ugly into a plastic bucket. The psychologist had to do the same, but with Rufus's wardrobe.
At the end of the exercise, Rufus was able to find only one item, while her psychologist threw away almost half of her wardrobe. As it turned out, Aneli suffered from such low self-esteem that she always wore clothes that she inherited from her mother when the latter recovered greatly.
From this story, we can conclude that our love for ourselves depends very much on whether we can afford individuality, our own style and clothes that would clearly personify us.
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If I don't like myself. What do you do if you don't like your looks? Why we do not like ourselves in photographs
Materials of articles Berkovskaya M. I. are used in the publication. and workshops Yu.V. Ivanushkina
- To be honest, I don't really like calls to love myself. Rather, I tend to believe that you need to accept yourself. They don't take themselves for anything. They accept themselves, because God created, mother gave birth. What to do now? This is how I am.
I immediately remember those trainings that people go to and cannot understand why there is no effect. "I accept myself of any, I love myself of any." Well, why should I love myself any and accept myself any, if I can become such that I like myself?
The most important thing is to understand and accept: you are the way God created you, and rightly so.
Almost all of us lack the acceptance that higher powers understand life better than we do, and we are no smarter than God.
It was God who determined us to be born like this and no other. And we make claims to mom. She gave birth to me like this - not beautiful enough. Oh, she's not good. She gave birth to me from the wrong dad.
Actually, the fact that I was born this way is neither good nor bad. This is true. Because if it were different, I wouldn't be here.
Can a person himself do something for this?
Maybe. And a lot. Because after he realized that since he had already been born and there was nowhere to go, he would have to live, then he had a choice: live well, that is, relatively calmly, or live badly.
Well, he wants to accept the world like this and wants to live happily. What should he do for this?
- And for this, again, by an effort of will, strain your brains and really understand what he can change in himself, and it is imperative to change it. And do not succumb to any provocations “I love myself any”, to any trainings “I love myself crooked, oblique, humpbacked, and there is nothing more beautiful than weighing 40 kilograms or vice versa, 140”. That is, change in yourself what you do not like in order to please yourself.
I need to figure out what I can change in myself and what I want to, because I really don't like it. Without fanaticism, of course, one should not lay one's life on it, but change it. Maybe along the way you lose interest in this and want to change something else. But at least start the process. Then you will act. And the person who acts does not feel absolute helplessness.
Usually what you can't change under any circumstances either doesn't really concern you or takes up a very small part of you. Everything else - forward and with the song. A lot of things can not only be changed, but also get a lot of pleasure from the process itself. Do not accept fate, for example, “God made me a fool who cannot get a good job. It will have to be accepted." Yes, God could not create you like that, God has nothing to do, select a job for you.
Think about why you don't get along well with a good job and change it.
If a person starts endlessly going to psychologists on the topic “accept yourself”, he comes across bad psychologists. And he spends his whole life a huge amount of money and time, practically lives on psychotherapy as a way of life. He only goes to groups and psychologists to solve, for example, the problem of his crooked legs.
One client stubbornly pestered me on the phone. I said: “Girl, decide. If the problem is crooked legs, then let me think where they are straightened. And if this is a psychological problem, then you have been going to psychologists for five years. Legs must either be straightened or wear clothing that hides their curvature. Because they straighten you out, your problems will not be solved. Are you walking well?" She says, "Well, of course." I say, “So this is not the curvature that is a medical problem. So, this is a slight flaw in appearance. Wear trousers and long skirts. That's it, problem solved."
It is clear that if this girl by some miracle straightens her legs, nothing will be solved. The rest do not see her crooked legs. They see her bad mood, her twisted face, her spiteful attitude towards people. Because she is already looking at everyone: “Of course, you don’t like me with crooked legs! And the person does not understand why they look at him so badly. Ugh, what a nasty girl. Moreover, she is terribly happy when she sees that someone's legs are even more crooked, so a person who did not even consider this his problem is still unpleasant that he is poked at his flaw like that ...
A person develops a belief about his own appearance, which seems to him the only correct and logical one. The question of where he got it from may confuse him.
Variants of his thoughts on this topic: “But this is so clear!”, “So my friends said (husband, children, lover, mother)”, “I watched a program where scientists said that after 35 ... » A person every day, with donkey persistence, builds a logical chain, with the help of which he convinces himself that he is ugly, middle-aged, etc.
I'll tell you a secret: we conducted a lot of experiments on the topic of who notices what changes.
For example, this: two groups of patients were formed, able to follow the received recommendations very accurately. They were of different sexes and had fundamentally different problems with the "appearance of the face." Representatives of the first group had to carefully work out all the methods of rejuvenation and tightening that were given in the classroom, but ... they should not have worked with their thoughts, moods and images: these people were required to perform purely mechanical actions.
Those who entered the second group did not do massages, but only watched others do them, but constantly controlled their thoughts (in which they saw themselves as handsome and beauties with radiant clean skin) and mood.
As a result, people from the first group received the following result: their eyesight and hearing improved, their face tightened, their eyes “opened”, their skin became better, and some previously noticeable wrinkles were smoothed out. But the most interesting thing is that they did not rejoice at these achievements for long: literally after 2-3 days, their attention completely switched to solving new problems. And the exercises necessary to maintain the effect were abandoned by many. In addition, among their relatives and acquaintances, very few people noticed the changes that had taken place. And this can be easily understood: after all, every 95% are busy with themselves; You never know who has fewer wrinkles!
The second group grew prettier before our eyes. Moreover, along the way, various health problems began to go away from its representatives: starting with a cold and ending with a stomach ulcer and high blood pressure. The faces are getting better too. Moreover, they became not only beautiful, but also unusually attractive, and this was noticed by relatives and friends.
The most common question was: "Are you in love?" But the most pleasant thing was ahead: it turned out that a change in attitude to their appearance led to other changes: patients became more self-confident, more active, constant fatigue disappeared - and this immediately affected all areas of life.
Hello. My problem is that I don’t like myself at all. About 3-4 years ago everything suited me, but now I am constantly dissatisfied with myself, I constantly think about what to change in myself, I constantly compare myself with other people (better or I’m worse). I can stay up all night and think about it, it makes it very difficult to live. I’m 22 years old, many people say that I’m pretty, but I can’t believe it. I don’t understand why I liked myself before, but now I don’t, for these 3-4 years, nothing special happened, only slight changes in appearance (hair color), and a guy appeared and graduated from the institute.
Hello Nadia! Perhaps nothing has changed in external conditions - BUT the fact is that you yourself are always changing and a person never stands in one place - BUT you are so far away from yourself that you simply lost yourself and DON'T know who you are? what are you? What are you interested in and what are you not? What traits, facets, possibilities do you have. ...? You are looking for answers to these questions from outside, comparing yourself with others - BUT - this is just a dead end - because this way you will NOT find yourself, but only move away from each other - this is a matter of self-acceptance - how you yourself relate to what you think about yourself, you know! and this is exactly what you need to develop and explore - to recognize yourself, your sides, accept them in yourself, learn to be yourself in all its manifestations - after all, this loss of yourself will also affect relations with the young a person (because without having a connection with yourself, you will build this connection with him, while erasing personal boundaries), and in the professional sphere (how can you realize yourself without knowing your strengths and weaknesses?)! evaluate your life, what is happening in it, what happened before, what has changed - maybe you just grew up, but you found yourself an Adult!!!
Nadia, this is a full-time job - if you really decide to figure everything out - you can feel free to contact me - call - I will only be happy to help you!
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Nadia, it's important what happened those same 3-4 years ago (not hair color)! At what point did the turning point in your self-esteem happen? Is it related to appearance or some other "claims" to yourself? To compare yourself with other, completely different people - for what? These are incomparable things! Each person is unique, everyone has their own history, their own character, their own set of genes, their own foundations, their own interests . .. Do you want to be like someone else? Imagine that you have become like Ksyusha Sobchak or Irina Khakamada, or a neighbor on the porch ... Or someone whom you go to imitate today. So what? What is changing in your self-esteem? What happens in life?
It is important to understand what happened that triggered the "I don't like myself" scenario mechanism. Do you like your family mom and dad?
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Nadia! Something changed 3-4 years ago that you no longer like yourself. Some kind of failure or event that you cannot forgive yourself. Why would you want to change your hair color? It means that even then you wanted to change yourself, improve yourself. It turned out. that hair color does not change anything or anything. What would you like to change? Faith in yourself can be restored if you really want to. You can start with psychological counseling to explore what you cannot forgive yourself. And then decide for yourself what else you need in order to please yourself.
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What if I don't like myself? Everywhere it says “love yourself”, but how do I do it if I really don’t like how I look?
When a person does not like himself, he usually thinks that he is relying on something objective in evaluating himself. Indeed, if it is now customary to be 44 sizes, then how can you love yourself if you are 48?
However, in reality, self-love is not based on any objective indicators. We all saw people with stable self-esteem, whose appearance is very different from the generally accepted one, and I don’t know about you, but I personally saw a lot of pretty or even beautiful girls who didn’t like themselves at all.
So what do you do if you don't like yourself? First of all, figure out how your dislike for yourself was formed and what it is based on now.
If you find it difficult to deviate from the generally accepted parameters of appearance, think about whether you like yourself in other ways. Perhaps you are used to criticizing yourself in everything, or maybe you managed to make a successful career and because of this your self-esteem has grown, but the need to find at least something bad in yourself remains, and hence the failure to lose weight.
The habit of not liking yourself does not depend on objective parameters, since it was formed in childhood, when your weight was normal, and your parents were already dissatisfied with you. A person usually needs something objective to confirm his vague feelings, so he can unconsciously sabotage weight loss if it is weight that seems to him to be the cause of dissatisfaction with himself.
Sometimes it's not about weight, it's about nose shape, height or hair color. There are things that are very difficult to correct, and dissatisfaction with oneself in these aspects turns out to be almost lifelong. In such cases, you need to remember: it's not about appearance, but about the habit of paying attention rather to your shortcomings than to your merits.
To break the habit of not liking yourself, it can be helpful to make a list of what is good about you. What is bad about you, you are already listing all the time, and now it’s time to start compiling a list of advantages in order to balance thoughts about shortcomings. The trick is that usually insecure people have many advantages, but they don’t think about them, but only think about shortcomings, and because of the large number of negative thoughts, it seems to them that they have much more shortcomings.
That's why it's helpful to make a list of everything you're good at and successful at, all your good qualities in all areas of life. If you see that your own list is very small, ask those who are good to you what they find good in you and what you are good at.
When enumerating this list, one should not make remarks like: “though I did it only once” or “I just got lucky” or “this is a completely unimportant quality”. When compiling this list, you need to mention all your advantages, and you already know how to list the shortcomings perfectly.
If you can't overcome your self-doubt and feel that you still don't like yourself, you can seek the help of a psychologist. Low self-esteem usually responds well to correction, and there is no need to live in perpetual dissatisfaction with yourself.
Embrace your love for life. Admit to yourself that you love to live and enjoy every day. You can enjoy driving even on bumpy roads. Be proud of the path you have traveled to get to where you are today.
Notice the positive aspects of difficulties. Keep moving forward and don't dwell on the difficulties. Think about how you overcame difficulties and became better thanks to various obstacles.
- For example, if you are upset after being fired from work, then welcome the opportunity to spend more time with your children.
Notice your progress. Notice every achievement, no matter how big. Remember your successes that brought you to this day so that they motivate you to keep moving forward.
- Try writing down your accomplishments. This will make it easier for you to compare past and current successes and understand which path you have already traveled.
Do not be offended. People should treat you with respect. Don't let others speak badly of you. Protect yourself the same way you would protect a good friend who is being disrespected.
- Don't talk about yourself, especially in front of other people, otherwise they may think that you are comfortable with this attitude.
Support yourself. Learn to give yourself support when you need it. Praise yourself for your successes. Be kind to yourself when you get new experiences and need encouragement to move on.
- In such cases, remember to repeat your mantra and change it according to the situation.
Learn to appreciate being alone. If you are not bored alone, you will learn to easily endure such moments. Learn to relax and not be sad in awkward situations that used to make you feel alone or embarrassed.
- Do not rush to pick up the phone if you are alone. Pay attention to the world around you. Have a cup of tea and enjoy the moment.
- If you are not at home (at a cafe or at a party), remind yourself that your value as a person does not depend on the number of people who associate with you.
- This rule also applies if you do not have a partner. You don't have to judge yourself by the presence or absence of a romantic partner. The person is valuable in and of itself.
Learn something new. Learn new skills, because this is a great way to please yourself and increase self-esteem. New circumstances are always a way out of your comfort zone. It is important to understand that you are capable of achieving success. Such actions strengthen confidence in oneself.
- Find free courses or extracurricular activities. Learn to cook or take up pottery. Look for ads in libraries or at your local community center.
Keep a gratitude journal. Several times a week, write down all the things you are grateful for. A gratitude journal will teach you to appreciate everything that is in your life.
- Appreciate and think about the aspects you point out. Mechanical writing by hand is unlikely to fill you with a sense of gratitude. Remember pleasant moments and feelings.
Treat yourself. If today you experienced unpleasant moments or doubted yourself, please yourself with something pleasant. Buy a piece of chocolate cake or take a relaxing hot bath.
- This step will help you take your mind off the anxiety and stress that lowers your self-esteem. You need to gain strength to try again to change your life with redoubled energy.
- Please yourself to learn to value your time and health. Breaks and rests allow you to put yourself first, not work, partner, friends, family, or school.
Everyone around is beautiful and wonderful, and only you are not at all like that - not beautiful, with a huge number of flaws. How to correct the situation if you don't like yourself outwardly?
Why do some people love themselves and others don't like themselves?
Remember your childhood! What did your parents tell you about your appearance? Did they scare you that if you eat a lot of sweets, you can become very fat and ugly? How often have you been told how wonderful you are? Or vice versa, did they tell you about what you should or should not do to look better? Already on the basis of these answers, you can understand why you are often visited by thoughts about appearance and its not ideality, but someone else, who is absolutely not a nice person, is visited by completely opposite thoughts.
What to do if you don't like yourself?
So what? You have to work on yourself! And it's not exactly the job you think. We will work not on appearance, but on your thoughts.
1. Every morning stand naked or semi-naked in front of a mirror, look at yourself and tell yourself the most pleasant words about how beautiful, sexy and wonderful you are. I will say right away that in the first week or month you may not feel absolutely any changes. But! If you do the exercise regularly, then over time you yourself will not notice how it starts to work.
2. Think and write down what you don't like about yourself. Look at the list and take time for each of the items! Do you really not like this in yourself, or did you come up with this flaw for yourself and very idealized how it should be in reality? Perhaps, after such work, there will be much more reasons to love yourself ...
3. Take a list of your shortcomings and make a list of your virtues out of it. Love yourself for your short stature and straight hair.
4. Stop talking about how you don't love yourself with your girlfriends! When you talk about it often, people who think you're very pretty start to change their minds. Just because you give it to them. And when these people change their minds, they start treating you like you're not a nice person. Then you get even worse. Do the opposite. Speak only of your virtues - to yourself and to those around you.
5. Even if you don't like yourself very much, there is something about your appearance that you are proud of. List all these qualities on paper and every morning, after the ritual in front of the mirror, reread this list. Gradually replenish the list with everything that you begin to discover in yourself.
6. Change! Change the style of clothes, hairstyle, makeup. Changes always bring new experiences and impressions. Perhaps the chosen style just does not suit you and with the new one you will feel great!
7. If you objectively found a flaw in yourself that cannot be corrected by positive thoughts and exercises, learn to cope with it. For example, women who have very thick legs hide them under long skirts. Those who have a big nose do their makeup in such a way that they visually reduce it.