How do introverted men flirt

How Do Introverts Flirt? 10 Ways They Try To Get Your Attention

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How do introverts flirt? That’s a million-dollar question. Introverts are unique people who could be super intelligent, could give you a lot of attention but are not as gregarious as extroverts. They are great conversationalists but they would not get into a conversation at a party. So when you are looking for signs that an introverted guy is interested then you have to know how an introvert actually shows interest.

How does one find out what these awkward homo-sapiens have going on in their minds? Or, to be more precise, how does one know if an introvert is flirting with you? Well, we are here to clear the questions for good. Read on to find out exactly how an introvert flirts.

Related Reading: 5 Things That Happen When An Introvert Falls In Love

Table of Contents

Since an introvert isn’t a verbose person don’t expect him to tell you anything flirty, drop hints or try to charm you with their stories. But a great conversation comes to them if they really like you. How do introverts flirt? We tell you.

1. They actually don’t flirt

The first clue to finding out if an introvert is flirting with you is that they won’t flirt with you in an obvious way. They’ll try to make a good conversation while you’re around them and make sure that you have a good time, but that’s it.

Depending on their level of confidence, they’ll be talking to you about things you like to talk about and hoping that perhaps you will put them out of their misery and just notice how much effort they are putting into it.

2. Change in behaviour around you

How an introvert reacts around someone depends on how confident he/ she is feeling that day, which isn’t usually much. So, if they are behaving a bit different around you, it may be because they have a genuine interest in you.

If they’re being more attentive, more awkward or clumsier than usual, there is a high chance that they like you. How do introverts act when they like someone? They could be really shy and awkward and that’s an absolute sign that an introvert is interested. Sounds a bit weird but it’s true.

Read more: Are you an extrovert in love with an introvert? Then this is for you…

3. How do introverts flirt? By opening up to you

This is one of the toughest things an introvert can do. If they are opening up to you about their life or about things that are happening in their lives, they care about you and find your presence comforting.

Sharing things takes a lot of effort for introverts, so you must be someone special to them if they are willing to make that effort with you. If they are telling you of their childhood and their relationship with their pet, then this a definite sign the introvert is interested in you.

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4. Making an effort to stay around you

An introvert is interested if he is trying to be around you

An introvert prefers to just hang around and let things happen by itself without them having to play an active part in it. That’s how introverts can fall in love.

So, if the person concerned keeps hanging around even after everyone else in the group has left, or if they somehow always end up near you during social gatherings, it may be time to make a move because perhaps that is exactly what they are waiting for.

Do introverts stare? They would if they really like you. But the moment you know they are staring they would look away. They would rarely look deep into your eyes to convey the message.

5. They suggest things

Introverts tend to have a pretty extensive collection of movies, books and games. So, if a known introvert starts suggesting things to you, and hands you a collection of movies or music, it might not just be a suggestion but a subtle invitation to enjoy it together.

Regardless, sharing something they are interested in, is pretty much all an introvert can do to convey their feelings for someone. The introvert’s love story often begins from the DVD he shared. He could be conveying a lot through it. Be aware.

Related Reading: 5 Things That Happen When An Introvert Falls In Love

6. Being a sarcastic jerk

An introvert is usually so busy second-guessing everything they say or do that they can’t usually end up saying or doing anything at all. So, if you are making them feel comfortable enough, you can pretty much be assured that they do like you. And they like you a lot.

Since they are intelligent people they often have a dry sense of humour or can be rather sarcastic. If they are using their humour or sarcasm on you then he sure the introvert likes you.

7. Being very interactive on social media

The one power that introverts have is being very active on social media. If you are lucky enough to know one, you’ll find that they can be the funniest people on this planet.

And social media is also a place where an introvert feels comfortable talking to others or expressing their views. So, if you’re having some deep conversations about this universe with an introvert at 3 am, know that this is special because they wouldn’t spare that much energy for 99.9% of the population.

8. How do introverts flirt? By suggesting a great coffee place

If an introvert is telling you that they know a great coffee place and you should try the coffee there some time, then there is a whole lot of meaning in it.

It means they are unable to tell you that you should go there together. Do it for them. You say that it would be great to go together. They would jump up in joy. You would instantly know that the introvert is interested in you.

Related reading: Effective tips from an introvert on how to date an introvert

9. They could write poems

Introverts are actually very creative people so don’t be surprised if they are into poetry and creative writing. It could be a love poem they have penned that they want you to hear.

Be sure the poem is meant for you and poetry is what the introvert flirts with. Must say rather romantic.

10. They talk to you

Talking is not something introverts like to do a lot. They would rather listen and keep nodding. They observe and absorb but they wouldn’t want to be heard a lot.

But if he talking to you about this and that then it’s an absolute sign the introvert is interested in you and is even flirting with you.

Introverts aren’t good with signals unless you are holding up a billboard that says “I am flirting with you.” So, make sure you let them know you’re interested in them and then buckle up for an amazing relationship ahead. How do introverts flirt? If you have this in your mind, hope we got the answers for you.

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3 Go-To Flirting Tips for Introverted Men

If you’re an introvert and the idea of flirting with a stranger seems terrifying, these methods can make it easier.

If you’re an introverted man looking for love, you probably know how it feels to be overwhelmed and anxious about all the pressures piled on you. Today’s dating culture places the onus on men to initiate conversations, make the first move, and set up dates.

As an introverted man who might get tongue-tied talking to anyone, the idea of flirting with someone you just met can seem terrifying. You may worry that you’ll run out of things to say, or you’ll put yourself out there — only to be rejected.

Maybe you’re the “nice guy” who always ends up in the friend zone. Or you’re a people-pleaser, exhausting yourself to make your date happy, only to feel unappreciated and invisible.

I know how you feel! Though I’m not a man, as an introvert coach and the author of The Irresistible Introvert, I’m very familiar with your challenges. And, after working with hundreds of students and 1:1 dating coaching clients, I’ve noticed certain fears coming up again and again:

that you won’t know what to say and things will get awkward
that you’ll be rejected because you’re not flirty and “fun” enough
that you’re not cut out for a relationship because you need so much alone time

That last fear is one of those sneaky subconscious ones that can keep you out of the dating game for years.

So, how do you overcome these fears and connect with your ideal woman or man?

The secret is to create a new experience for yourself, even if that means getting out of your comfort zone. You see, your ancient “lizard brain” — which refers to the oldest part of the brain, the brain stem — wants to keep you safe by recreating what is familiar to you. This is because this part of your brain is mainly concerned with survival. But if you create a new experience — like approaching someone you find attractive when you typically wouldn’t do this — your brain says, “Hey, I survived that!” and you gradually start to get unstuck. And, practice does make perfect.

So why not gift yourself the experience of actually feeling confident, relaxed, and flirty when you’re around someone you like? Here are some introvert flirting tips to help you do just that.

3 Flirting Tips for Introverted Men

1. Talk about emotional topics, like dreams and passions.

We’ve all been in boring conversations that go nowhere. The truth is that certain topics that are OK as small talk won’t create a flirty, romantic spark in conversation. (Besides, we introverts aren’t fans of small talk anyway!)

I mean, when was the last time you got turned on talking about the weather? No judgment if that’s your thing, but for most, talking about the upcoming snowfall isn’t exactly titillating conversation. The same goes for other everyday topics that don’t involve a more personal or emotional element.

Instead of talking about weather, TV shows, or the news, shift the conversation to emotional topics, like dreams, motivations, passions, experiences, and feelings. For example:

What’s something you’ve always wanted to do? (dreams)
What made you want to do that? (motivations)
What do you love to do outside work? (passions)
What was your last travel adventure? (experiences)
How does it feel when you do x? (feelings)

See the difference?

2. Show interest — tell someone you like them without flat-out saying, “I like you.

”

We introverts tend to hide our interest in someone. We’re used to keeping our rich inner world of emotions and fantasies to ourselves, or only sharing them with a select few who “get” us and have earned our trust.

But here’s the thing — we’re not in grade school anymore. Part of flirting is showing that you’re attracted to someone.

Luckily for introverts, there are subtle ways to show your interest, even if you’re shy. If you enjoy someone’s company, let them know how they made you feel by saying something like:

“Wow, I feel so comfortable with you. I really feel like I can be myself.”
“I have so much fun with you. I feel like a kid.”
“I feel good when I’m with you.”

These are all subtle, low-risk ways of saying, “I like you.” (And who doesn’t want to hear that, right?)

And if you haven’t met them in person (yet), there are also ways to clue them in about how you’re feeling. You can show interest via text by sending a playful compliment on one of their recent photos.

For example, if they shared a cooking photo, you could say something like, “That casserole looks amazing! I’m a sucker for a woman/man who can cook, such a turn-on.”

Of course, the level of forwardness in the text depends on the nature of your relationship and how long you’ve been interacting. Generally, you can be more forwardly flirtatious with a Tinder match than a Facebook friend you don’t know well yet.

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3. Get curious about what’s most important to them.

People are mainly concerned with having either their thoughts or feelings cherished — or both (ideally). In this case, to “cherish” means to affirm, listen to, and get curious about what is most important to someone.

This is where your introvert superpowers of intuition and observation come in. Rather than flirting on a superficial level, you create real romance by understanding and affirming what’s most important to the person.

For example, if you’re on a date or chatting online with someone who primarily shares ideas and opinions, they’ll feel more connected to you if you’re genuinely curious and encouraging about their thoughts.

Let’s say they share their thoughts on simulation theory (the proposal that reality is an artificial simulation). Rather than shutting them down or changing the subject, ask them to tell you more — and then truly listen.

On the other hand, if you’re flirting with someone who talks more about relationships and feelings, they’ll expect you to show real empathy and interest in their emotions.

If they tell you they feel sad, instead of rushing to offer solutions, you might say, “I’m sorry you feel that way. Is there anything in particular that’s been making you feel down?”

When you’re able to cherish a person’s thoughts or feelings, you go beyond mindless banter, which introverts tire of quickly, and create a romantic connection.

Transform Your Love Life from the Inside Out

As an introvert, you probably know that flirting tips alone won’t work if you have subconscious blocks and patterns that push love away. That’s why, over the past couple of years, I’ve been working with new, groundbreaking mental reframes, pattern-shifting techniques, and introvert-specific step-by-steps to transform your love life at a deep level. These advanced methods have been creating rapid shifts in my own life and those of my clients.

But I have to be honest, it is impossible to do this work on your own. Whether you lean on the guidance of family, friends, therapists, or online mentors who understand you, support is crucial.

If you’re ready to finally get out of a love rut and create massive shifts in your dating life and relationships, I’d love to be your guide!

I work one-on-one with a select few introverts like you to help them get unstuck and open up to love. Spaces are limited, so if you’re interested in working with me closely, here’s what to do next:

Fill out an application for a complimentary 45-minute Dating Breakthrough Session.
Check your inbox for a response to your application within 48 hours.
During the 30-minute session, we’ll get clear on where you are now and what might be holding you back.

Along the way, I’ll share insights and steps to move forward. It’s a great way to see if we’re a fit for working together.

How to learn to flirt if you are a seasoned introvert

If you are an introvert, then you have probably already noticed that communication skills and flirting in particular are clearly not your forte. And it’s not at all about your shyness or inability to find a common language with others, as others think. It’s just that you are much more comfortable and more interesting with yourself than with other people.

“Introverts can be great conversationalists, they just draw energy not from the outside world, but from themselves. Communication quickly tires them, there is a need to be alone, to recuperate. In addition, introverts are too intellectual in their approach to communication with other people: they reflect a lot, evaluate themselves before saying something. Such behavior does not contribute to spontaneity and ease of communication, as required by the “classic” flirting with the opposite sex,” explains clinical psychologist Alisa Galatz .

Nevertheless, the specialist is sure that the closeness of introverts has its "pluses". For example, it is believed that these people inspire more trust in others, they approach work more responsibly, and perform it better. However, there is also a significant "minus" - the difficulty in making romantic acquaintances.

According to the expert, it is important for introverts that the context of communication is familiar and understandable. And flirting, firstly, often has no specific purpose, and, secondly, it implies a constant change of context, pronounced emotional signals, etc. “That is why playful communication with the opposite sex often causes confusion and even anxiety in introverts. Especially when they suddenly notice how skillfully extroverts flirt. Remember what bewilderment the secretary Verochka cooing with men caused Lyudmila Prokofievna from Office Romance, ”the expert comments.

But don't lose heart. According to the psychologist, even the most "experienced" introverts are able to learn "light", seductive communication. “And for this it is not at all necessary to strive to “break” your nature, to become someone else. It is important to learn how to skillfully use what you already have,” says the psychologist.

Here are some tips to help you start flirting in an "introverted" way with the opposite sex.

Avoid templates

When you think about learning to flirt, you probably immediately think of someone who does it very obviously, for example, a colleague from a neighboring department with a “vulgar” neckline, who is always “defiantly” laughing. "I'd rather die than start doing the way she did!" you think in fear. In fact, you do not need to copy everything that is accepted by extroverts as a flirting standard. “Your behavior should match your personality. And if you start stupidly copying someone's habits or following pickup tips, you will look unnatural or even repulsive. Think about what you are good for, and how you can present it profitably,” recommends Alisa Galats.

Choose a comfortable environment

As we have said, the situation of flirting for an introvert in itself can be very stressful, and if there is a crowd of drunk, screaming people around, then even more so. That is why it is worth taking care to start a playful communication with someone in a comfortable environment, where it will be quiet, calm and not crowded. “It is advisable to choose a situation in which you will feel as confident as possible in your environment. For example, if you have been seriously engaged in bodybuilding for a long time, you can start talking with the man you like in the gym, if you are a “dog lover”, then in the park, if you dance well, then go to a dance evening, etc. , ”the specialist notes .

"Neutralize" the inner critic

According to the expert, many introverts are prone to self-criticism, which prevents them from behaving naturally and naturally. “Closed people are often very picky about themselves - they study their behavior, notice “shortcomings”, then reproach themselves for them, get upset, feel guilty ... This behavior gives them the illusion that they control their behavior and “improve”. In fact, self-blame makes us internally tense and fixated on ourselves, and this is not at all sexual and only interferes with communication, ”explains the expert. The psychologist recommends learning the technique of “neutralizing” the inner critic: “Isolate those negative thoughts that usually torment you. Every time they arise in your head, try to be aware of them, “catch”, and then, as it were, distance yourself from yourself, saying: “My thoughts are not me, they are just thoughts that my brain throws up to me. ” After that, focus on what's really important, like hanging out with a nice guy." This practice will help you take control of your "critic" by freeing up energy for flirting. For example, instead of worrying about “how stupid I look right now,” you can discuss plans for the weekend with the object of passion.

Turn on self-irony

If you can't make fun of others gently or flirt, then try to charm the object of passion with subtle self-irony. “As a rule, many introverts can boast of an excellent ability to be ironic about their shortcomings or features, and this quality is always very captivating to the interlocutor. In addition, it puts you in a safe position, making you less vulnerable: since you boldly notice your shortcomings, it is impossible to prick you with them, ”says Alisa Galats.

Look for common ground

According to the expert, another way to interest the interlocutor is to find your common interests. “Ask more open questions, share your opinion - this way you will quickly discover what will be of interest to both of you,” the expert says.

Listen and notice

“Unlike extroverts, introverts are able to be extremely attentive to the interlocutor and really hear what he says. Use this skill, because sometimes they can be seduced much more than greasy jokes and a deep cleavage, ”the psychologist believes.

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Know Yourself

Introverts are known to have little interest in the outside world. However, they also go on dates, fall in love and get married. Often their behavior and ideas about love do not correspond to stereotypes, and others misunderstand them.

1. He is waiting for his one and only

These people take romantic relationships seriously. They are not inclined to flirt with everyone and often change partners. Introverts strive to find a person who suits them. They are tired of romantic courtship, obligatory rituals and violent displays of emotion. Once they find their person, they breathe a sigh of relief because they can be themselves again.

2. He is looking for a faithful and reliable partner

Such people value predictability and reliability. If a potential partner personifies these qualities, he has every chance to take a place in his heart. And a spontaneous, rowdy, adventurous person is more likely to be perceived as a threat to security and stability.

3. He does not openly show feelings

Introverts try to get the attention of a person they like by hinting at their attitude. They do not like long conversations about love and are embarrassed to directly confess their feelings. Unfortunately, it is because of this that they often fail in love.

4. He spends a lot of time thinking about love

Such people are prone to long reflections and analysis. They hesitate for a long time to invite the person they like on a date, because they cannot decide whether this person is the right one. Even having started dating someone, they continue to show indecision.

5. He dreams of romance, but rarely makes his dreams come true

Introverts like to fantasize, pretend to be characters in films and books, or invent their own romantic scenarios. Contrary to popular belief about spiritual callousness, some of them are very emotional.

Stormy passion, expressive expression of emotions and showdown of relationships tire such a person.

But they experience emotions inside, so that those around them do not even suspect. Erotic fantasies are original and varied, but rarely become reality.

6. He doesn't want a relationship to develop quickly

If they decide to have a romantic relationship, it develops slowly. They try to get to know their partner better in order to understand whether he is suitable for living together. A stormy passion, an expressive expression of emotions and a showdown of relationships tire such a person, confuse him.

7. He is in dire need of solitude, even if he has found his soulmate

Even the most harmonious relationship is tiring. Introverts are happy only when they have the opportunity to be alone for a while, reflect on life and relationships. Only alone with themselves they rest, recuperate and understand what to do next.

8. He analyzes dates and quarrels

Introverts tend to analyze everything that happens to them. Romantic relationships are no exception. Sometimes they get so “stuck” thinking about “what would happen if…” that they can’t take action. However, internal analysis is necessary for them to feel comfortable.

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