How do i control my emotions

5 ways to gain control over your emotions | FIU News

By Karina Taylee

Have you been feeling stressed, sad or disappointed during the last several months?

Pause. Before you start repressing those feelings and wishing they’d go away, remember that all feelings are meant to be felt. Feelings communicate your needs and give you feedback on your current situation. So how do you listen to your emotions and respond to them, instead of reacting?

“If you found that before the pandemic, you didn’t use effective self-regulation strategies, now it’s really a situation where those poor coping skills are not going to cut it. And that can really be a big problem,” says assistant professor George Buzzell, a neurocognitive researcher at FIU.

Buzzell studies the brain’s executive functions, which is a fancy way of saying the system your brain uses to monitor and adapt itself as it receives new information. We currently know that this system has three branches: working memory, inhibition and task switching.

At its core, emotional regulation is your ability to use these three functions to make use of your emotions.

Have you ever noticed yourself getting emotional and then forgetting things, saying something you don’t mean, or struggling to get tasks done? That’s what poor emotional regulation looks like. That means that your executive functions need some TLC. Lucky for us, emotional regulation is a skill that can be improved upon with some research-based techniques.

Self care

Basic functions—because of lack of sleep, increased stress and loneliness—can be impaired as a result of the pandemic. To have a healthy relationship with your emotions, the key is to keep your executive function system healthy and that starts with self-care.

Buzzell emphasizes the impact of sleep and stress on your executive functions. It has been shown that a lack of sleep can impair self-regulation, meaning you may have less control over your responses to your emotions, which is why you’re snappy when you’re tired. Sometimes, your negative emotions can keep you from falling asleep, creating a vicious cycle further promoting the problem. This can also happen with stress, meaning having a healthy stress reduction system can also help your executive functions.

So what’s the solution? Find activities you enjoy and incorporate them into your daily routine, like journaling and exercise. If you struggle with stress or sleep, the Healthy Living Program (HLP) offers sleep and stress management consultations.

Maintain healthy relationships

We can also use healthy relationships to regulate emotions by having a trusted friend or loved one to confide in, which is why you usually feel better after venting to a friend. Socializing can help to calm your mind and can even help regulate your body’s physical response to emotions. Although we can’t see people face-to-face as often right now, you don’t want to cut yourself off from people you were previously close to.

Buzzell recommends trying to maintain previous social connections as much as possible in safe ways like phone calls, Zoom calls, or outdoor socially distant hangouts because they’re good for your mental health.

Stop suppressing and start reappraising

Two of the most studied emotional regulation techniques are called reappraisal and suppression. Suppression is when you try to stop yourself from feeling emotions. When we do this, we often find that negative emotions return stronger than before.

Buzzell recommends practicing reappraisal instead. Reappraisal is changing the way you think about a negative emotion before having a response.

For example, if you made a mistake and feel disappointed, you can tell yourself that it was a learning experience and then you are more likely to have a positive response instead of a negative one. This promotes a growth mindset, which studies show promotes healthier relationships with emotions. The good news is that people can actually change how they regulate their emotions to be more in line with reappraisal.

Practice mindfulness

One way to practice nonjudgmental awareness is to meditate, and it’s a lot easier than you might think. Simply taking five to ten minutes a day to notice what your body and mind feel like can help you gain an understanding of your emotional habits. This can act as a practice for when you experience emotions in your regular life. When meditating, play close attention to any emotions that may arise and how your instinct tells you to respond. You can ask yourself:

What kind of emotions arise, and how often do they come?
How does your body feel when they arise?
How does your mind respond?
Are there any judgments when emotions arise?
Is that response helpful? Is there a better way to respond?

Prevent emotional outbursts If you’ve ever blown something small out of proportion, you probably felt pretty bad afterward. The good news is that Buzzell believes that the best way to manage explosive emotional experiences is through a regular practice of prevention.

He recommends practicing reappraisal daily with small instances. This makes it less likely that you’ll yell at someone the next time Zoom kicks you out of class.

“The problem is if it’s a really intense situation, that’s not the time to try to do some mindfulness or reappraisal strategies for the first time,” Buzzell says.

Having a healthy relationship with your emotions is more likely to make challenging times easier by preventing tense emotional interactions.

If you have been struggling with controlling your emotions, know that it’s normal for you to not feel like yourself during unusual times. While we’re waiting for the world to go back to normal, don’t forget to take care of your emotional wellness. Practicing these techniques can help you get a grasp on your emotions, and help you relax, feel good and be well.

How to Control Your Emotions: 11 Strategies to Try

The ability to experience and express emotions is more important than you might realize.

As the felt response to a given situation, emotions play a key part in your reactions. When you’re in tune with them, you have access to important knowledge that helps with:

decision-making
relationship success
day-to-day interactions
self-care

While emotions can have a helpful role in your daily life, they can take a toll on your emotional health and interpersonal relationships when they start to feel out of control.

Vicki Botnick, a therapist in Tarzana, California, explains that any emotion — even elation, joy, or others you’d typically view as positive — can intensify to a point where it becomes difficult to control.

With a little practice, though, you can take back the reigns. Two studies from 2010 suggest that having good emotional regulation skills is linked to well-being. Plus, the second one found a potential link between these skills and financial success, so putting in some work on that front may literally pay off.

Here are some pointers to get you started.

Intense emotions aren’t all bad.

“Emotions make our lives exciting, unique, and vibrant,” Botnick says. “Strong feelings can signify that we embrace life fully, that we’re not repressing our natural reactions.”

It’s perfectly normal to experience some emotional overwhelm on occasion— when something wonderful happens, when something terrible happens, when you feel like you’ve missed out.

So, how do you know when there’s a problem?

Emotions that regularly get out of hand might lead to:

relationship or friendship conflict
difficulty relating to others
trouble at work or school
an urge to use substances to help manage your emotions
physical or emotional outbursts

Find some time to take stock of just how your uncontrolled emotions are affecting your day-to-day life. This will make it easier to identify problem areas (and track your success).

You can’t control your emotions with a dial (if only it were that easy!). But imagine, for a moment, that you could manage emotions this way.

You wouldn’t want to leave them running at maximum all the time. You also wouldn’t want to switch them off entirely, either.

When you suppress or repress emotions, you’re preventing yourself from experiencing and expressing feelings. This can happen consciously (suppression) or unconsciously (repression).

Either can contribute to mental and physical health symptoms, including:

anxiety
depression
sleep issues
muscle tension and pain
difficulty managing stress
substance misuse

When learning to exercise control over emotions, make sure you aren’t just sweeping them under the rug. Healthy emotional expression involves finding some balance between overwhelming emotions and no emotions at all.

Taking a moment to check in with yourself about your mood can help you begin gaining back control.

Say you’ve been seeing someone for a few months. You tried planning a date last week, but they said they didn’t have time. Yesterday, you texted again, saying, “I’d like to see you soon. Can you meet this week?”

They finally reply, more than a day later: “Can’t. Busy.”

You’re suddenly extremely upset. Without stopping to think, you hurl your phone across the room, knock over your wastebasket, and kick your desk, stubbing your toe.

Interrupt yourself by asking:

What am I feeling right now? (disappointed, confused, furious)
What happened to make me feel this way? (They brushed me off with no explanation.)
Does the situation have a different explanation that might make sense? (Maybe they’re stressed, sick, or dealing with something else they don’t feel comfortable explaining. They might plan to explain more when they can.)
What do I want to do about these feelings? (Scream, vent my frustration by throwing things, text back something rude.)
Is there a better way of coping with them? (Ask if everything’s OK. Ask when they’re free next. Go for a walk or run.)

By considering possible alternatives, you’re reframing your thoughts, which can help you modify your first extreme reaction.

It can take some time before this response becomes a habit. With practice, going through these steps in your head will become easier (and more effective).

If you’re trying to get better at managing emotions, you might try downplaying your feelings to yourself.

When you hyperventilate after receiving good news or collapse on the floor screaming and sobbing when you can’t find your keys, it might seem helpful to tell yourself, “Just calm down,” or “It’s not that big of a deal, so don’t freak out.”

But this invalidates your experience. It is a big deal to you.

Accepting emotions as they come helps you get more comfortable with them. Increasing your comfort around intense emotions allows you to fully feel them without reacting in extreme, unhelpful ways.

To practice accepting emotions, try thinking of them as messengers. They’re not “good” or “bad.” They’re neutral. Maybe they bring up unpleasant feelings sometimes, but they’re still giving you important information that you can use.

For example, try:

“I’m upset because I keep losing my keys, which makes me late. I should put a dish on the shelf by the door so I remember to leave them in the same place.”

Accepting emotions may lead to greater life satisfaction and fewer mental health symptoms. What’s more, people thinking of their emotions as helpful may lead to higher levels of happiness.

Writing down (or typing up) your feelings and the responses they trigger can help you uncover any disruptive patterns.

Sometimes, it’s enough to mentally trace emotions back through your thoughts. Putting feelings onto paper can allow you to reflect on them more deeply.

It also helps you recognize when specific circumstances, like trouble at work or family conflict, contribute to harder-to-control emotions. Identifying specific triggers makes it possible to come up with ways to manage them more productively.

Journaling provides the most benefit when you do it daily. Keep your journal with you and jot down intense emotions or feelings as they happen. Try to note the triggers and your reaction. If your reaction didn’t help, use your journal to explore more helpful possibilities for the future.

There’s much to be said for the power of a deep breath, whether you’re ridiculously happy or so angry you can’t speak.

Slowing down and paying attention to your breath won’t make the emotions go away (and remember, that’s not the goal).

Still, deep breathing exercises can help you ground yourself and take a step back from the first intense flash of emotion and any extreme reaction you want to avoid.

The next time you feel emotions starting to take control:

Breathe in slowly. Deep breaths come from the diaphragm, not the chest. It may help to visualize your breath rising from deep in your belly.
Hold it. Hold your breath for a count of three, then let it out slowly.
Consider a mantra. Some people find it helpful to repeat a mantra, like “I am calm” or “I am relaxed.”

There’s a time and place for everything, including intense emotions. Sobbing uncontrollably is a pretty common response to losing a loved one, for example. Screaming into your pillow, even punching it, might help you relieve some anger and tension after being dumped.

Other situations, however, call for some restraint. No matter how frustrated you are, screaming at your boss over an unfair disciplinary action won’t help.

Being mindful of your surroundings and the situation can help you learn when it’s OK to let feelings out and when you might want to sit with them for the moment.

Getting some distance from intense feelings can help you make sure you’re reacting to them in reasonable ways, according to Botnick.

This distance might be physical, like leaving an upsetting situation, for example. But you can also create some mental distance by distracting yourself.

While you don’t want to block or avoid feelings entirely, it’s not harmful to distract yourself until you’re in a better place to deal with them. Just make sure you do come back to them. Healthy distractions are only temporary.

Try:

taking a walk
watching a funny video
talking to a loved one
spending a few minutes with your pet

If you practice meditation already, it might be one of your go-to methods for coping with extreme feelings.

Meditation can help you increase your awareness of all feelings and experiences. When you meditate, you’re teaching yourself to sit with those feelings, to notice them without judging yourself or attempting to change them or make them go away.

As mentioned above, learning to accept all of your emotions can make emotional regulation easier. Meditation helps you increase those acceptance skills. It also offers other benefits, like helping you relax and get better sleep.

Our guide to different kinds of meditation can help you get started.

When you’re under a lot of stress, managing your emotions can become more difficult. Even people who generally can control their emotions well might find it harder in times of high tension and stress.

Reducing stress, or finding more helpful ways to manage it, can help your emotions become more manageable.

Mindfulness practices like meditation can help with stress, too. They won’t get rid of it, but they can make it easier to live with.

Other healthy ways to cope with stress include:

getting enough sleep
making time to talk (and laugh) with friends
exercise
spending time in nature
making time for relaxation and hobbies

If your emotions continue to feel overwhelming, it may be time to seek professional support.

Long-term or persistent emotional dysregulation and mood swings are linked to certain mental health conditions, including borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. Trouble controlling emotions can also relate to trauma, family issues, or other underlying concerns, Botnick explains.

A therapist can offer compassionate, judgment-free support as you:

explore factors contributing to dysregulated emotions
address severe mood swings
learn how down-regulate intense feelings or up-regulate limited emotional expression
practice challenging and reframing feelings that cause distress

Mood swings and intense emotions can provoke negative or unwanted thoughts that eventually trigger feelings of hopelessness or despair.

This cycle can eventually lead to unhelpful coping methods like self-harm or even thoughts of suicide. If you begin thinking about suicide or have urges to self-harm, talk to a trusted loved one who can help you get support right away.

If you need help now

If you’re considering suicide or have thoughts of harming yourself, you can call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 800-662-HELP (4357).

The 24/7 hotline will connect you with mental health resources in your area. Trained specialists can also help you find your state’s resources for treatment if you don’t have health insurance.

Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.

How to control your emotions in any situation

November 30, 2015 A life

Emotions are good, but you need to be able to cope with them at the most critical moments of life. This article will teach you how to deal with surging feelings correctly.

Emotions are what makes us human. But sometimes the manifestation of feelings is completely inappropriate, interferes with thinking sensibly and leads to mistakes. You cannot (and should not!) keep yourself from experiencing certain emotions. But it must be manifested and expressed at the right time and in the right place. Use your feelings constructively and don't let them ruin everything you've been working towards for so long. nine0003

Don't rock yourself

Adjust your emotions like the temperature on a thermostat. Not too hot, not too cold - just right to feel good. This applies to both good and bad emotions.

An excess of enthusiasm can be inappropriate, as well as excessively aggressive or depressive behavior.

People who know how to control their emotions, all the time trying to maintain balance, avoiding disharmony in the state of mind. nine0003

Stop to think

Do you feel "boiling"? This is a dangerous condition, and you need to put yourself in order as soon as possible. Instead of reacting to the situation immediately, think about what tools and solutions can be used. Cool down and reflect on what happened, regaining your focus and ability to analyze. Hasty decisions often bring a bitter feeling of regret. On the other hand, a short pause will help you focus on the most important and choose an effective and tactful way to solve the problem. nine0003

Avoid emotional overload

Emotional overload is a situation in which a certain feeling takes over completely. This condition is accompanied by physical symptoms such as increased heart rate, increased breathing, trembling knees, sweating, and nausea. Do you feel something similar? This is a clear sign that you are emotionally overwhelmed. Instead of going with the flow and giving up, brace yourself! Process the information in parts, gradually coming to your senses. You can evaluate the result with a sober look. nine0003 Kate Ter Haar/Flickr.com

Practice deep breathing

The body's response to emotional overload directly affects the heart and, in general, all the muscles of the body. You experience tension, after which you will definitely feel overwhelmed. To avoid such surges, practice deep breathing. It will oxygenate your brain and help you relax. The technique is very simple: stop doing anything, close your eyes and inhale very slowly through your nose, counting five seconds. Hold your breath for another two seconds, and then exhale just as slowly through your mouth, counting to five again. Repeat at least 10 times. nine0003

Avoid emotional company

People are known to easily convey their emotions to others. That is why you should avoid those who see only the negative in everything: you will borrow the same point of view without even noticing. The same applies to overly emotional people. If you want to control your feelings and be in harmony, you should distance yourself from those who can be called drama queens.

Think about the solution, not the problem

Negative reaction to a difficult situation is one of the most common emotional problems. Feeling sad or angry as a reaction to changed circumstances is normal, but not rational. nine0003

One should not stop thinking about the problem, one should use the time to think over the next action plan.

Make a list of possible solutions, be resourceful and creative. During work, emotions will fade into the background, you will emerge from the situation as a winner.

5 effective tricks to control your emotions

Contents of the article

Recently, more and more people began to talk about emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a set of human skills with which he can recognize his own and others' emotions, control and manage them. The ability to restrain your emotions will come in handy in almost any area of life - from personal relationships with loved ones to working negotiations with colleagues, management, clients. Emotions can overtake at the most inopportune moment, preventing rational thinking from finding the right solution. Therefore, it is important to learn to control yourself in order to understand your true desires and motives. We have collected 5 simple tricks from the free online course "Emotional Intelligence" that will help you work through emotions in the moment and avoid unpleasant consequences. nine0003

Detachment from what is happening

Negative emotions in most cases arise at the moment when another person takes out his discontent, evil, bad mood or resentment on you. We automatically want to respond in kind, to protect ourselves from the flow of negativity. But such action can only exacerbate the situation. At this moment, it is better not to react to the emotional manifestations of a person, skip unpleasant words past you and not let emotions take over you. Get distracted by something, go somewhere else. Let the person cool down and try starting the conversation again. nine0003

Self-hypnosis

Sometimes we are overcome by strong anger, at this moment it is difficult to quickly calm down and come to our senses. Try to look at the problem from a different angle. Think that this situation is another experience in life that just needs to be experienced. Emotional outbursts make us stronger and more resilient, so everything must be treated philosophically.

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