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Emotional scarring definition


Scar Definition & Meaning | Britannica Dictionary

1 scar /ˈskɑɚ/ noun

plural scars

1 scar

/ˈskɑɚ/

noun

plural scars

Britannica Dictionary definition of SCAR

[count]

1 

:

a mark that is left on your skin after a wound heals

  • The operation left a scar on his stomach.

  • the soldier's battle scars

  • scar tissue

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2 

:

a mark on something showing where it has been damaged

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3 

:

a feeling of great emotional pain or sadness that is caused by a bad experience and that lasts for a long time

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2 scar /ˈskɑɚ/ verb

scars; scarred; scarring

2 scar

/ˈskɑɚ/

verb

scars; scarred; scarring

Britannica Dictionary definition of SCAR

[+ object]

1 

:

to mark (something) with a scar

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2 

:

to cause (someone) to feel great emotional pain or sadness because of a bad experience

  • The tragedy left her emotionally scarred.

  • Divorce can scar a child for life. = Divorce can leave a child scarred for life.

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3 

:

to make marks on (something) that show damage or wear

  • Your shoes are scarring the floor.

  • The fence was scarred by rust.

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How to Deal with Your Emotional Scars

Childhood Trauma and the Scars They Leave

People widely accept and believe that early childhood fears and events deeply impact us as adults. However, most people also exclude themselves from this "rule." People want to believe that they are immune, or didn't have any significant things happen to them as children. But, this isn't true. All of us have early influences that stick with us today, and you are no exception. Traumatic events in our early lives effect us cognitively (the ability to think and use the brain), behaviorally, emotionally, socially and physically today. Some people cannot remember their childhood traumas, and must revisit the past.

Many adults and parents think of childhood as the simplest time in life. Through years of struggle against the world, they become jaded and lose sight of the significance of things that happened in their pasts. However, these assumptions can sometimes be extremely destructive to the children involved, and that is where the desires to lessen the significance of the traumatic event comes from. The parent or adult was ensuring a kind of de-significance to the event over time, and minimizes and underestimates an event's impact on the child. The irony is that childhood and infancy are the times in your life when you are most vulnerable to the effects of trauma, not the least.

Many times, our weaknesses and fears stem from specific, traceable events and can be corrected once we realize what exactly they are. I refer to these sources of fear and pain as emotional scars. Emotional scars can be the result of many different types of trauma. Abuse is thought of as one of the most common forms of emotional scarring, but in reality, even those who have never been abused physically or mentally have emotional scars. Those events you remember in your life that are very painful to even think about, no matter how long ago it was, are possibly and probably emotional scars.

Is Emotional Trauma Effecting You Today?

Yes, because you are human. All humans develop emotional scars at one time in their life or another. All of your fears and self-doubt stem from these individual emotional scars. Here are some indicators of emotional trauma:

  • Emotional detachment

  • Inability to form healthy, good-for-the soul relationships
  • Disturbing flashbacks, nightmares, and memories

  • Sense of a limited, shortened future

  • Excessive reliance on drugs, alcohol, or any other addictive substance

  • Unhealthy fear of being alone without distractions

  • Easily lost focus and concentration

  • Chronic clinical depression

  • Extreme anxiety associated with everyday, or very specific, scenarios that evoke a powerful feeling of failure, rejection, abandonment, or embarrassment

How toTell Normal Stress From Psychological/Emotional Trauma

1. How quickly a negative response is triggered

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2. How frequently the response is triggered

3. The intensity of the negative response associated with the trigger

4. How long the negative response takes to nullify

5. How long it takes to reach a calm state of mind after contact with the trigger

Sometimes people aren't aware of how traumatic an event can be until years after the fact; only then do they realize the significance.

How to Recover

1. The first thing each of us must do in order to heal the emotional damage is find the source. Sometimes, we can't even remember what's causing us to feel badly in the first place. If this is the case, the first step will be remembrance. If you are afraid of public speaking, you have probably been severely embarrassed, or afraid in the same type of situation in your past. This could be when you were a lot younger, or just a short time ago. Once you mentally grab hold of whatever is causing you discomfort, play out different scenarios in your head. If that is the case, this places even more importance on realizing and analyzing emotional pain. You can pinpoint the emotional scar in the following ways:

  • You are easily offended by certain thing
     
  • Specific insults never fail to get to you
     
  • You have large amounts of self-doubt when tackling your problems

Judgments of other people are often indicators of a problem within yourself as well. Think of the people who are closest to you, and then think of the things about that person that annoy, anger, or scare you. These are often your own negative feelings about yourself projecting onto others.

When you experience fear, hone in on it. Ask yourself, "Why am I afraid?" If the answer doesn't come to you right away, that's fine. Practice this for a few minutes, and if you cannot remember, simply try again on another day.

2. The second step we can take is exposure/cleansing. Once we remember and recognize scarring, we must analyze it; we must pick it apart; we must go over it over and over in our heads until we have a perspective change that makes us embrace that event, but let it go. You may feel an overwhelming sense of relief, and a new sense of comprehension. You must come to terms with what has happened, how you feel about it, and how it has affected you, both positively and negatively. Do you think you were made more resilient because of this event? Take that into consideration, and then forgive whomever has caused you such emotional grief. It may not be an easy process for some, but forgiveness is the key of moving on and healing. You may need to forgive another person, such as a relative or parent, or you may need to focus on forgiving yourself for feeling helpless, scared, alone, or clingy. You are only human. During this time, place the most importance on visualizing and reliving the event, re-experiencing the feelings that you have been suppressing.

3. The third step is to keep healing, even after you think you're finished. You may experience such a powerful change in perspective that makes you think you are completely healed. You may very well be, but many times, you aren't quite there yet.

Tips for getting though the healing process

  • Hang onto your newfound strength, even if you think you've healed completely.
  • Place a higher importance on journaling and meditation.
  • When journaling, make sure you include details of growth experienced, and positive things that have resulted from your discovery and unearthing of your emotional scarring. 

Your Assignment:

A) Meditation

B) Journaling

Choose one or the other, or both.

The Role of Meditation in Healing

Meditation is wonderful tool in life, and is a way you can completely relax your mind and be at your most vulnerable. Vulnerability can be viewed as a bad thing, but it isn't when you are in a relaxed environment where you make all the calls, and you can think about whatever you wish. At your point of greatest enlightenment, use all of the energy within you to summon all the emotions you never felt. Embrace your emotions, cry if you need to, and you may want to take a nap after the experience. Meditation can be as simple as freeing yourself from all your distractions and going to a better place in your mind. If you have any guided meditation tapes, or have a method you usually prefer, do it that way.

The Pencil and Paper Method

This is, in fact, just as simple as it sounds. Grab your journal and head somewhere quiet. Be alone with your thoughts, and write at the top of the page, "My biggest emotional baggage," or something of that nature. After you write down your title, write down any and all thoughts you have related to that subject. Write down anything you suspect may be a cause, and explore that idea on your paper.

Chapter 10. How to remove emotional scars. I am Me [or How to Be Happy]

Chapter 10 How to Remove Emotional Scars

After wounds, cuts, scars in the form of hard, dense formations often remain on the skin. Their task is to create a protective cover on the damaged area that protects against repeated injuries. When improperly selected shoes begin to rub your foot, you feel discomfort and pain. And again, nature takes care of you, forming a callus, a protective shell, in a sensitive place. nine0003

Whenever we are emotionally hurt, emotionally hurt, or get on our nerves, we often tend to do the same thing, that is, to form emotional, mental scars in order to protect ourselves. We are capable of hardening our hearts, coarsening our souls, becoming indifferent to people, shutting ourselves up in a saving shell.

When nature needs help

Forming scars, nature seeks to help us. However, sometimes scars, especially on the face, can cause deep moral suffering. I remember my patient George T. He was a promising, affable, very attractive young lawyer. Once he got into a car accident, which disfigured his face. One scar stretched from the middle of the left cheek to the corner of the mouth, the other, above the right eye, having healed, strongly pulled the right eyelid up, giving the face a grotesque, ferociously defiant expression. Every time he looked in the mirror, he saw a repulsive face. The scar on his cheek made him look suspicious or, as he himself said, "bad" look. After leaving the hospital, he lost his first case in court and was sure that the jury was influenced by his appearance. All the time it seemed to him that he began to arouse disgust and hostility in old friends and even in his wife. nine0003

George T. began to refuse to take over the business, began to drink excessively, became irritable, angry and withdrawn. The scarred tissue created a protective barrier in case of future injuries, but George was defenseless against cuts and psychological blows. Scars have become serious barriers to a happy life.

If George lived in the Stone Age and got scarred in a fight with a cave bear or a saber-toothed tiger, then probably his fellow tribesmen would treat him with even more respect. Until quite recently, old soldiers proudly showed off their battle scars, and in Germany, to this day, a saber scar on the face serves as a badge of distinction. nine0003

In George's case, the well-intentioned nature needed help. I performed plastic surgery on him, removed the scarred areas of tissue, returning George to his former face. After the operation, a surprising change took place with him. He again became good-natured, self-confident, stopped drinking and acting like a lone wolf, returning to secular life. In a word, he again became a member of the human community, literally found a "new life".

However, all this is only an indirect merit of plastic surgery, which removed physical scars. The real healing came as a result of the removal of emotional scars, the healing of cuts and scrapes on the psyche, the restoration of the image of one's own Self as a full member of a certain social circle. nine0003

Many people who have never experienced physical trauma also have internal emotional scars. The impact of these scars on the personality is no less profound. Such people have been greatly offended in the past. And in order to protect themselves from possible humiliation and insults, they "built up" a kind of spiritual "corn", an emotional scar, which, however, protected not so much from the source of the initial insult, but in general from all people. A kind of psychological wall was being built, through which neither friend nor foe could break through. nine0003

It is not uncommon for a deceived woman to swear not to trust any man again. Or a rejected man promises himself not to show his feelings to anyone in the future.

But just like the scars on the face, too much emotional protection can do us great harm. The emotional wall that we erect not only alienates us from all people, but also from our own Self. It has already been said above that a person who feels lonely, cut off from the people around him, usually loses contact with his own real Self and with life itself. . nine0003

Emotional scars create a distorted, ugly self-image. This is the image of a person whom no one loves and does not accept as an equal, who is not able to maintain normal relations with other people.

Emotional scars stifle creativity in a person, preventing them from manifesting and developing their abilities. Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Florida, Dr. Arthur Coombs, named a number of characteristics inherent in people who have managed to fully develop and realize their abilities:

1. They feel respected, desired and capable.

2. Calmly accept their shortcomings, if any.

3. They have a sense of identity, unity with others.

4. They have a rich store of knowledge.

A person with emotional scars imagines himself unnecessary, unloved, incapable of anything, and the society in which he lives seems hostile to him. Therefore, his attitude towards people is colored with hostility, he builds relationships with others not on the basis of cooperation, disinterested help, joint recreation, but on such concepts as "win, overcome, defend." Such a person does not know how to be merciful and responsive either to others or to himself. Frustration, aggressiveness, loneliness - that's the price he has to pay. nine0003

Three ways to develop immunity from emotional trauma

1. Try to imagine yourself too big and too strong to take insults

Many people are too sensitive to small pricks, weak clicks. Any of us in the family, at work, in the circle of friends, on vacation with people so sensitive, with such "thin skin" that we have to be on the alert all the time so as not to give them a reason to take some innocent remark as an insult or offensive action. nine0003

Psychologists are well aware that people with low self-esteem are most offended. (After all, we are usually offended by those things that, in our opinion, hurt our pride, our pride.) Ridicules and "hairpins", real and imagined, which terribly hurt the pride of one person, do not leave a scratch on the pride of another who has healthy self-esteem , a high opinion of yourself.

One who thinks that he does not deserve respect, who doubts his abilities, constantly feels inner insecurity, usually becomes envious, jealous of the success of others, sees a threat to his own Self where there is none at all, or exaggerates and overestimates too much potential damage from real grievances. nine0003

We all need a certain amount of emotional toughness and toughness that can protect our selves from imaginary threats. And if our skin is strong enough to protect us from the penetration of bacteria, from minor bruises, scratches, punctures, then still not so strong, to become a barrier to sensations. The self of many people has only a thin film around it, and it needs a more solid cover in order to be able to ignore small pricks.

A too touchy person with overly sensitive self-esteem, low self-esteem and insufficient self-respect is often an egocentric person, focused only on his own interests, turned only to his inner world. These people are usually difficult to get along with. But a sick or weak Yana can be cured if you try to break it, weaken it with excessive self-denial or disinterestedness. Self-respect and high self-esteem are as necessary for the psyche as food is for the body. It is the cure for self-centeredness, introspection and all associated emotional ailments. A person with adequate self-esteem simply does not notice, ignores the "hairpins", passes them past his ears. And his emotional trauma heals easier and faster, leaving no scars that poison life and deprive him of peace. nine0003

2. Be your own master

Every person craves love and affection, needs them. But a self-confident person also feels the need to give love, seeks, first of all, not to receive, but to give. Such a person does not expect that love will be presented to him on a silver platter, and does not believe that everyone, without exception, should love and respect him. His own self is solid, and he can afford to be indulgent about the fact that someone does not like him or approve of him. He feels responsible for his present and future and is by no means going to be a passive recipient of life's blessings. nine0003

A passively dependent person is ready to entrust his own fate to someone else's will, sometimes to circumstances or luck. In her opinion, life is obliged to provide her with the conditions of existence, people should show attention, love, care for her happiness and well-being. A person with such qualities of character often makes unreasonable demands and claims to others and feels deceived, offended, insulted if his expectations are not met. But life is a pretty tough thing. As a result, such a person, gradually turning into a neurotic, constantly "hits" against reality. nine0003

To avoid such a situation, I advise you to tirelessly develop confidence in your strengths and abilities, shouldering responsibility for your own destiny, for satisfying your emotional needs. Try to give people affection and respect yourself, be responsive, and soon make sure that these same feelings will return to you in full, so to speak, according to the principle of mirror reflection.

3. Relax and relax again

One of my patients once asked why there is no scarring after plastic surgery? nine0003

I explained that usually after, say, a cut in the muscles directly under the skin, a certain tension is created that pulls the skin in different directions. The resulting gap and fills the healed tissue. When a plastic surgeon operates, he firmly stitches the edges of the skin, after removing a small area of ​​subcutaneous tissue and thereby eliminating tension along the seam. Therefore, the wound heals calmly, leaving no noticeable marks.

So, back to "our sheep". You, of course, have noticed how easy it is to hurt your feelings, offend when you feel internal tension caused by discontent, anxiety, irritation or, perhaps, depression. Imagine, you go to work in a bad mood and meet a friend who allows himself some kind of playful remark about you. At other times, nine times out of ten you would laugh, finding the line funny, and in turn respond with a good-natured joke. But not today! Today you are experiencing tension, you are overcome by doubts, uncertainty, anxiety. And the joke gets you "across the throat." You feel somehow hurt, offended, and then an emotional scar begins to form. nine0003

We are emotionally traumatized not by the people around us, not by what they say or keep silent about, but by our own moods, our reaction to their words and actions.

When you feel unpleasantly touched, offended by something, this feeling is completely and completely your reaction, to which you should pay the main attention, and not at all to the people around you. Everything depends only on you. You may shrink, get angry, anxious, offended, or feel deeply offended. But with the same success, you can not react at all, remain calm, not at all feeling resentment. It has been experimentally proven that if all the muscles of the body are in a relaxed state, at rest, then it is absolutely impossible to feel fear, irritation, anxiety, in general, any negative emotions. To feel them, you need to make an effort. As Diogenes used to say, no one offends us, except ourselves. nine0003

We alone are responsible for our reactions and feelings. It is in our power not to react at all. It is possible to remain calm and thus avoid emotional bruises and punctures.

One of my patients, who found a new life by daily practicing physical and emotional relaxation, wrote: “I was ill for seven years, I couldn’t sleep, everything pissed me off. I was impossible to get along with. For many years I considered my husband a fool "When he came home a little drunk, I made terrible scenes, not skimping on rude words and expressions. Now I keep calm; it helps a lot, and we get along very well. Before, I used to turn trifling troubles into real disasters, was almost on verge of suicide. Now I feel much happier. In the old days, I didn’t relax even in my sleep. Now I don’t fuss anymore, I don’t run like crazy, but I manage to do the same without exhausting myself, as I used to. " nine0003

Become your own doctor

We can avoid emotional trauma by following the three rules above. Well, what about old scars? What to do with former grievances, discontents, complaints about life, fate, with old indignation?

There is only one remedy for old scars: surgery, which only you can perform.

You must become your own plastic surgeon and "tighten up" the face of your own psyche. As a result, you will find a new life, a new charge of energy, peace of mind and happiness. nine0003

"Tightening" an emotional face with the help of "mental surgery" is by no means an artistic image. Many people use a kind of "ointments and balms" as a remedy for chronic spiritual wounds, which, as a rule, do not bring relief. It is possible, say, for moral reasons, to refuse frank revenge, but at the same time "pay off" in many more subtle ways. Let's take a typical example. The wife finds out about her husband's infidelity. On the advice of a priest or psychoanalyst, she agrees to forgive the love affair. She really does not have enough gun to shoot him, does not leave the house and demonstrates meekness with all her appearance and behavior. The house keeps in perfect order, still cooks dinner on time and delicious. And yet she turns the life of an unfaithful spouse into a living hell with many little things that should emphasize her coldness and moral superiority. When he begins to grumble, he hears in response: "What do you want, my dear, I really forgave you, but I am not able to forget." Thus, the very "remission of sins" becomes a source of irritation, "thorn in the eye" precisely because the wife perceives the fact of infidelity as proof of her moral superiority. It would be much better for both him and her if the wife would refuse such "forgiveness" and simply leave her husband. nine0003

I can forgive, but I am not able to forget - this phrase is essentially equivalent to the statement: "I will not forgive." This opinion is shared by Henry Beecher, who believes that forgiveness should be treated in the same way as with a redeemed banknote: tear or burn, never to be seen again in circulation.

Forgiveness, if it is real, sincere, comprehensive and forgotten, is tantamount to a scalpel that can cut out an abscess, heal and remove the scarred tissue. nine0003

Partial forgiveness brings as much benefit as half-finished surgery.

You must forget your forgiveness along with the act that you have forgiven. Forgiveness that is remembered, that is constantly thought about, only reopens, exacerbates the wounds that you are trying to heal. If you are too proud of your generosity, remembering it too often, you will certainly begin to think that the object of your nobility owes you something for it. It turns out as if you forgive the delinquent some debt and immediately make him your debtor again. nine0003

Forgiveness is not a weapon

There are many misconceptions about the act of forgiveness. Genuine forgiveness rarely occurs. For example, many literary works often say that to forgive means to be "virtuous", but rarely say that by forgiving, we ourselves can become happier. There is a tendency to see forgiveness as a means to put us in a better position or to get the better of our adversary. This thought slips through many very serious pieces of advice. For example: "Do not try to settle scores, forgive your enemies, and you will prevail over them." “There is no greater victory over your offender than kindness in return for offense,” taught Tillotson, the former Archbishop of Canterbury. Such phrases contain a camouflaged idea that forgiveness can serve as an effective weapon of revenge. Often this is true. But vengeful forgiveness has nothing to do with healing forgiveness, which “cuts out”, eliminates mistakes and insults without a trace, that is, with forgiveness, which is like plastic surgery. nine0003

Healing forgiveness is not a difficult thing in itself. All that is needed is a willingness to refuse any condemnation, a desire to repay the debt without any conditions and reservations. But sometimes it is difficult for us to decide on forgiveness, because we want to scourge, nail to the pillory, blame the offender. It sometimes gives us some strange, unnatural pleasure to inflame and cherish our own wounds. It seems to us that as long as we are able to stigmatize others, we can feel superior to them. It cannot be disputed that we often even experience a certain satisfaction when we have reason to feel sorry for ourselves. nine0003

With healing forgiveness, we “repay” a mistake, a misdeed of some person, but not because we decided to show generosity and nobility, to do a favor or show courtesy - not because we are morally on a higher level or forced the offender to pay a dear price for what they have done, but because we are well aware of the purely worthlessness of the offense itself. True forgiveness is possible only when we are able to recognize and emotionally accept the fact that there was and is nothing that would require our forgiveness. And above all, we must not condemn or hate. nine0003

We ourselves make a serious mistake when we hate a person for his mistakes, when we condemn him or classify him as a certain category of people, confusing a person's personality with his behavior, or when we mentally set a "price" that he must pay in order to earn our respect and gracious approval.

As a doctor, I can attest that when a person really forgives, he immediately feels happier, healthier, and calmer. I want to emphasize that we are talking about healing forgiveness. nine0003

Mistakes don't "make" you

Not only other people inflict emotional wounds on us, but often ourselves.

We hit ourselves on the head with our repentance, regrets, remorse, self-flagellation, we drive ourselves into a corner with doubts about our own abilities and strengths, we are excessively tormented by guilt.

Repentance and regret are nothing but an attempt to live in the past, and an excessive feeling of guilt reflects the desire to correct in the past some of our mistake or what we took for a mistake. nine0003

But we use our emotions productively only if they help us to respond appropriately to the circumstances of some real situation of the present moment. Just as we are not able to return to the past, so we are not able to correctly respond with our feelings to the past. Therefore, it is better to simply "write off" the past, close it, forget it. There is no need to take any "emotional positions" regarding some possible actions. What matters is only today's direction, the current goal. nine0003

The only thing we can do in the present is to realize our past miscalculations and mistakes, but we are no longer able to straighten the path we have traveled, it is already too late to "manage" and "direct". It is useless and dangerous to hate and condemn oneself for past errors.

When you reflect on your (or other people's) faults and misdeeds, it is helpful, remembering what you have done or failed to do, to refrain from the hasty conclusion that some of your faults and misdeeds somehow "classify" you. nine0003

It would be a big mistake to confuse your actions with your own self. concluding that because you acted in such and such a way, you are a certain kind of person. It will be easier for you to understand what was said if you understand that the slip is connected only with your action. Therefore, speaking about our own mistakes, we should use the verb form that reflects the action, and not the noun, which, naming the object, simultaneously implies its inherent qualities. nine0003

For example, if you say: "I made a mistake (failed)", then you acknowledge a miscalculation, which in itself can already help to achieve success a little later, since it allows you to make a timely correction in the direction of movement.

But if you say, "I'm a failure," it's not about what you did, but about how you think the mistake characterized you, what it made you. This approach is not useful, does not contribute to learning, but only reinforces mistakes and miscalculations, turning them into permanent components of your character. The validity of the foregoing was confirmed by numerous psychological experiments conducted in clinical conditions. nine0003

Almost every one of us has had the opportunity to observe how children behave when they learn to speak. They stutter, hardly pronounce some sounds, repeat individual syllables and words. And very often it happens that overly shy and preoccupied parents conclude that the child is a stutterer. This conclusion concerns not the actions of the baby, but himself, classifying him as a person of a certain category. This characteristic makes a deep impression on the child, who also begins to consider himself a stutterer. This idea is quickly fixed, and the child really begins to stutter in earnest. nine0003

According to Wendell Johnson, the most prominent American specialist in the treatment of stuttering, this is the main reason for the appearance of such a widespread deficiency in children. He found that parents of children who spoke normally were more likely to use descriptive expressions ("He doesn't speak yet"), while parents of stuttering children tend to use qualitative characteristics ("He can't speak"). In one of the articles, Dr. Johnson wrote: "Gradually, we began to comprehend the essence of the problem. It turned out that not the child, but the parents, not those who speak, but those who listen, first of all, awareness of the problem and qualified guidance are required." nine0003

Dr. Knight Dunlop, who has spent two decades researching habits, their formation and how to deal with "bad habits" and their impact on learning, has found that the same principle applies to almost all cases, including emotional habits. It is very important, he said, that the patient stop reproaching, judging himself, feeling remorse because of some of his habits. Only then can he hope to get rid of them. Judgments such as "I am a dead man" and "I am a worthless person" are especially harmful, for which past or present sins can serve as a reason. nine0003

So it's good to always remember: you make mistakes, but mistakes don't "make" you.

Who wants to be an oyster?

Another recommendation for preventing or treating emotional trauma. To live a full life, we must calmly accept that none of us is immune from some kind of trouble, and be ready to endure "scratches". Many people need a thicker and more durable "emotional skin", but no one needs a hard shell at all. When we make friends, love, find emotional connections with the people around us, we always run the risk of being hurt and offended in some way. And we can choose one of two possibilities: build a protective shell and lead the life of an oyster, or maintain some vulnerability, but live a full life. nine0003

An oyster is difficult to hurt. The strong shell protects it. However, such an isolated safe life is hard to envy. The oyster does not know emotional stresses, but she also does not know the joys of life.

When we talk about "lifting the emotional face" it is much more than a play on words. Such an "operation" makes your life richer, increases vitality, pours into you the elixir of youth. Many times I had to observe how, after the removal of emotional scars, men and women looked younger before our eyes for at least a dozen years. Take a look around. Who are these young-looking people who are over 40 years old? Are they always irritated, constantly offended, pessimistic, angry at the whole world? No, they are usually cheerful, charged with optimism, friendly. Increased resentment, the feeling that everything good was only in the past, is the lot of people of advanced age. Life-giving energy and vigor straighten wrinkles on the face and soul, give the eyes a youthful brilliance, if these eyes are directed forward. nine0003

So why not try to "pull up" your emotional face? The set of tools necessary for this is at your fingertips: know how to relax, discard negative emotions, know how to truly forgive, and chronic scars will begin to disappear. Try to lead a full active life, do not hide in a shell from petty insults. In short, do not succumb to longing for the past, love the future, and then it will not leave you. Highlights for memory (fill in):

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2.

3.

4.

5.

List episodes, events, situations from your past that can be explained using the principles in this chapter.

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Kintsukuro is a method of healing emotional wounds. nine0218 It is inspired by the Japanese ancient art that shares the same name and consists of repairing broken pottery. The key to the Kintsukuro method is to leave visible scars adorned with gold and silver. These are the best estimates of our emotional strength.

is currently in order to be scarred, wounds must first heal. What our behavior often allows. We succumb to temptations that allow us to immediately stop the pain, but ultimately it prevents the wound from healing. We want to heal the wounds of others too quickly without allowing the bark to appear. Yet true healing begins with the recognition of suffering. ..

Contents

  • 1 Do not lessen my suffering
  • 2 Are you hurt? Indeed?
  • 3 Connect to your emotional power
  • 4 Turn your scars into pedagogy

Don't lessen my suffering

“Stop telling me it doesn't matter. Don't tell me there are people in worse situations. What do you know about my emotional state? You lack empathy, you numb my pain, and you underestimate my courage and my maturity, the same maturity that will protect me and prevent me from falling into the web of comfort and self-comfort. nine0003

I am a brave person. You won't see me being deceived. I dare to look at my wounds in the face, heal them, heal and decorate my scars, because they are the best proof that I am alive, that I have lived intensely and that I am ready to face all the fears that appear. I intend to live fully. I assure you that at least this is the intention, I will not sell it in the dark.

There is no pride in my scars, partly because I used the time they created for learning. nine0218 My children will not repeat my pain, my friends will not feel lonely and judged, the people I love will not find in me an example of fear of life and will not face pain,

Pain is something one-subject to life, both physical pain and emotional pain, even if we don't want to talk about it. We have certainly suffered, and whoever denies it will be accused of the worst lie: betrayal.

Were you hurt? Indeed?

Look into my eyes! Look at my scars I didn't break down about love. I felt the same pain that my daughter felt, I cried for the loss and cursed this stupid and senseless suffering a thousand times. I am surrounded by people around me. Like what happens to you…

I was able to pick up the pieces of my broken soul. I gathered them and all, I cleansed them of poisonous emotions such as anger, anger or resentment. I assembled and ordered them by touching the bottom: a challenge that helped me understand what happened and the mental representation I had. nine0218

Live intensely without fear of breaking. But don't worry, our mind, like our body, is endowed with a coping mechanism called the Repair Pulse that heals our pain and brightens our scars.

I analyzed what happened to me, and I did it by trying to separate filters, interpretations and betrayals. I didn't want to get stuck in pain and succeed, I had to reopen the wound that was hurting me. I thought she was already clean, but I was wrong. I had to clean it up and in that time I was able to find out what happened. nine0003

I realized that I was my worst judge, I needed to understand what came of love and compassion. I thought again what this means to me. I considered the conclusions I had worked out in a hasty and unfriendly manner, the pain, the same pain that oppresses my soul.

We try to convince ourselves over and over again that we should be happy, there are rivers of ink that encourage us to find happiness. But no one talks about how we should deal with adversity, what we can do to heal our emotional wounds, and how we can overcome the big and small challenges of everyday life. nine0254

Connect to your emotional power

I realized that I need to connect with my emotional power, that I need to learn how to analyze people, make decisions and manage adversity. I have learned to distance myself, to think differently, from a more constructive point of view. It was then that I realized that action and courage are the engines of personal growth.

I analyzed my internal dialogue and developed my ability to distinguish between what can be changed and what cannot be changed. I accepted my inability to fight giants, but changed everything. nine0217 I stopped trying to tear down walls and look for doors. I overcame my fear of the sea and learned to swim. I stopped scolding the river and dedicated myself to building bridges.

I worked, I thought, and I was courageous… I realized that fears can slow me down, but not beat me. And at the end of this process, I saw the beauty in the scars, which they sent back. These emotional scars speak to me, speak to my strength, speak to my ability to learn from suffering and overcome adversity. My scars remind me that I am both fragile and strong at the same time. When I look at them, I don't see pain, but I see strength, and I see everything that I could overcome...

When I see my scars, I feel stronger, more confident, and maybe even happier. Maybe this is the secret of happiness?

“I stopped cursing the river and dedicated myself to building bridges”

Turn your scars into pedagogy

I am fully prepared to share everything I have learned. You don't have to burn yourself to understand that fire can hurt. I standardized what was normal. I have helped other people to stop feeling strange and to accept that their suffering was inconsistent with the circumstances they were experiencing at the time. nine0003

Today I see my scars without fear, without guilt, without shame. Some of the hardships I had to overcome were accidental, born of pure chance. Others, no. Without knowing it, sometimes I myself began to suffer because of the decisions I made or what I stopped making, because of the people I did not analyze, because of the expectations that I set myself and because disappointments that I have experienced.

Life, like ceramics, is fragile and beautiful at the same time. Life can tear us apart into a thousand pieces at any moment, but we can repair it in the same way. And if we can find out what happened, we will be even more beautiful and stronger people. nine0254

Today I share my sensitivity. Today I am building a new reality. A reality where compassion, empathy and love reveal judgments, stereotypes and lies. Today I am part of this new reality, a reality in which I can accept that I suffered and that my soul cried, but the tears were not wasted, because all these tears, with all these scars, taught me something what I had to learn.

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