Friend who uses you

13 no bullsh*t tips on how to handle a friend who uses you (complete guide)

You’ve got a friend who always seems to take advantage of you. What should you do?

It’s important to remember that friendships aren’t always meant to last forever. Some relationships are better left behind.

But before it gets to that stage, there are plenty of steps you can take to stand your ground and carve out a better friendship.

After all, friendships should always feel mutually beneficial and supportive.

So here’s how to handle a friend who uses you…

How do you tell if a friend just uses you?

You might notice some red flags in a particular friendship. Some could be more subtle signs a friend is using you, whilst in other situations, it can feel obvious.

Maybe they’re constantly asking for favors or expecting you to pay their way. Or maybe they’re constantly trying to get something from you.

If you think this is happening with a friend, here are some signs you are being used:

They ask you to help them out all the time. They don’t even have to explain why they need your help; they just expect it.
Your friendship revolves around them. They only really talk about themselves and what is happening in their own lives. It feels like they show little interest in what is going on in your life.
There is an expectation for you to always pay whenever you go out together.
You’re always getting them out of trouble or coming to their rescue. Maybe they run out of gas and call you to pick them up or perhaps they forgot their wallet at home and you offer to lend them money.
There is a lack of appreciation. They might not say sorry when they let you down or upset you. Perhaps they have an expectation that you will do things for them.
Other people tell you that they don’t treat you right.
You feel resentful about their behavior toward you.
They only call you, get in touch or want to hang out with you when it suits them, and never when it suits you.
They often let you down, break promises, and don’t show up for you.

How to handle a friend who uses you

1) Identify what is bothering you

To start with it can be helpful to identify exactly what behaviors and actions your friend displays that are making you feel used.

This not only makes things clearer in your mind, but can come in useful if you decide to have a heart to heart with your friend about how you feel.

Be honest with yourself. If you’re feeling hurt by your friend’s behavior, then acknowledge that. Don’t hide these feelings from yourself.

Before you make any decisions about how to deal with the situation, it also helps to be crystal clear about what you want.

Do you want to end the relationship? Do you want to stay friends? Do you want to try to work things out?

What does a happy resolution look like to you?

2) Become more comfortable with saying no

It’s a very simple word, but one that doesn’t always feel quite so easy to say.

In fact, a lot of us struggle with saying no to people. And when someone is particularly pushy, that can make it all the more challenging.

We don’t like to feel as though we are disappointing others. We often worry too much about what they may think of us.

Will they see us as selfish by declining to do something? Will they reject us if we don’t agree with them?

But far from being anything negative, saying no can actually be a great thing.

It shows respect for yourself, and it allows you to stand firm on what you believe is best for you. It also lets other people know where you draw the line.

So take some time to practice saying no. Start small if this is something you know you struggle with.

If you are instinctively a “yes” person, who finds yourself agreeing to things without giving it much thought, then begin by saying yes more slowly.

Rather than saying no, practice saying things like “I’ll need to think about that” or “I’d like some time to decide”. That way you create space around your decision.

If you do end up saying no, the person you are saying no will appreciate that you at least gave it consideration before reaching any conclusions.

3) Firm up your boundaries

All healthy relationships have rules, even if they are unspoken.

You’ll need to establish some ground rules between you and your friend. These are the personal boundaries you set about what is and what is not acceptable.

Our boundaries are essential in life. Without them we would become lost in chaos. But sometimes our boundaries aren’t clearly defined. This can lead to confusion and frustration.

When setting boundaries, it’s important to remember that they are there for your own good. Not everyone has to agree with them.

So how do you create boundaries?

Think about what you value most in life. What do you want to avoid? What kind of relationship do you want to maintain?

Then write down your values. In doing this, you are defining what is and isn’t okay.

For example: I want my friendships to be based on honesty. So I won’t lie to my friends and I won’t tolerate friends lying to me.

Once you’ve written down your values, you can start thinking about your friend. How could he/she be acting in ways that conflict with those values?

4) Tell them how you feel

If we want healthy relationships with anyone, we have to be prepared to openly communicate.

Whilst we may love chatting about all the good stuff, the challenging issues within our friendships are always going to feel more awkward to raise.

It’s totally natural to feel uncomfortable or nervous about telling a friend when they have upset, annoyed you, or overstepped the line.

But if they are a real friend, they will want to know so that you can resolve your issues.

Communicating effectively means taking responsibility for your feelings. Rather than bottling everything up inside, you should try to express why you’re feeling angry, sad or frustrated.

Just let them know why you’re feeling the way you are.

What to say to someone who uses you?

Use “I” words to explain how you are feeling. By saying to someone “I feel like”, it can stop them from getting defensive.

For example, saying “I feel like I take more of an interest in you than you do in me” is not a statement of fact. It is simply telling them how you feel.

On the other hand, proclaiming that “You don’t take an interest in me” sounds far more accusatory.

Avoid extremes such as “never” and “always”.

Similarly, when you suggest that something always or never happens, it fails to recognize the positive aspects of your friendship.

It suggests this is a constant and never changing aspect of your relationship together.

Once you explain how you feel, and give examples of why you feel this way — ask them what they think.

This shows that you are interested in hearing their side, and open to finding a way forward together.

5) Be less available

If you have friends who only contact you when it suits them it can be a good idea to be less available.

They may be taking you for granted. Being less available doesn’t mean being unkind. It simply means putting the same energy into the relationship as they put in.

If the friendship is feeling one-sided, then you may decide that you need to redress the balance a bit.

Sometimes the simplest and quickest way to do that is to reinvest that energy you have been giving to this particular friend and put it elsewhere.

You do not need to be at their beck and call.

You do not need to drop things and come running whenever they need or want you.

You might decide that it feels healthier to make less time for them or to help them out less with explanation.

6) If you need it, give yourself some space from the friendship

Perhaps you are feeling a bit confused about what to do next, or whether you want this friend to even remain in your life.

It’s ok to take some space from the friendship whilst you figure things out.

A bit of time can help you to evaluate how you are feeling and how important this friendship is.

You can tell your friend that you are working on yourself to explain your absence if you aren’t ready to talk about it.

Essentially, it is ok to prioritize yourself, and your wellbeing. If that means temporarily putting a bit of space between you and this friend, so be it.

7) Quit people pleasing

People-pleasing is a habit that plenty of us pick up from an early age.

Most of us feel a desire to be popular.

In fact, it is partly biological. We have a genetic programming to feel accepted by the group, as once upon a time our mere survival would have depended upon it.

Being socially excluded could have been a death sentence in caveman times.

But the modern-day hangup from wanting social acceptance is that we start to believe that our happiness depends on others’ approval.

That can lead to a lot of stress and anxiety as we put other people’s needs and desires ahead of our own.

We also tend to try too hard to please others, which only makes matters worse. Believe it or not, people-pleasing only leads to weaker relationships, not stronger ones.

When we’re trying to be liked, we often end up doing things that we wouldn’t normally do.

All relationships require give and take, but you need to recognize when you are usually the one who gives and someone else is the one who takes.

If so, then you might be falling into people-pleasing habits which stem from insecurities or low self-esteem.

8) Don’t take it personally

This article focuses on plenty of practical tips to help you deal with things when you’re being used by someone.

But it doesn’t mean you should take it personally.

You accepting or tolerating being used might highlight certain things you want to work on for yourself. But their behavior and actions are on them ultimately, not you.

Even if you find the things they are doing quite shocking, the truth is that they may not even be aware of it.

Your friend might be self-absorbed.

When people are lacking in self-awareness they may not notice their preoccupation with themselves.

It actually says more about them than it does you.

9) Be alert to manipulation

There are always going to be people we encounter in life who try to manipulate or take advantage of us.

The best thing you can do is to try to stay conscious and aware of occasions when someone may be manipulating you.

As well as the people who may try to use you for practical favors or money, there will also be friends who use you emotionally.

They may use tools like guilt trips or emotional blackmail to try to get what they want. They may try to make you feel guilty about something you’ve done or haven’t done.

But it’s important to recognize these tactics for what they are — an attempt to pressure and manipulate you into getting their own way.

10) Refuse to play the victim

Remember, you can’t control how others behave but you do have the power to choose how you respond to situations.

So instead of feeling helpless, know that it’s down to you to take charge of your life.

By refusing to allow anyone to treat you badly, you’ll be able to stop playing the role of the victim. And you’ll be less likely to become entangled in unhealthy friendships.

Instead of letting someone else dictate how you live your life, you can start living your life according to your values and principles.

Deciding to take self-responsibility isn’t about assigning or accepting blame. It’s more about being the hero of your own life.

That way you can say to yourself:

“I don’t like this situation, what can I do about it?” rather than feeling stuck, powerless, helpless, and at the mercy of what others do.

11) Be as patient and kind as possible

Standing up for yourself doesn’t need to be done in a bullish or aggressive way. In fact, you can do it lovingly.

Being used by a friend is probably going to make you feel angry at times. You’ll likely experience frustration and resentment.

It’s important to remember that these feelings aren’t bad. They’re a natural reaction to the situation.

But the key thing to keep in mind though is that you don’t have to let those emotions control you.

You can choose to approach things with understanding, kindness and patience.

12) Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect

No one deserves to be taken advantage of.

It’s important to remember that you are worthy of respect and love. And if someone treats you disrespectfully, then it’s up to you to decide whether you want to continue being around him or her.

The decision to walk away from a friendship should never be taken lightly, but don’t let someone walk all over you. You deserve better than that.

If they:

Always flake on you
Try to bully, control or manipulate you
The balance between how you both contribute to the friendship is way off

…then it might be time to consider whether this person is a positive influence in your life.

Sometimes, the best solution is to move on.

If you’re constantly having to put up with someone who makes your life miserable, it might be time to cut ties.

After all, you deserve to live your life without the constant stress and anxiety of dealing with someone who hurts you.

13) Try to find other people who will treat you well

Luckily, there are lots of good people out there who won’t use you or abuse you.

Find these people and surround yourself with positive energy.

You’ll be surprised by how much happier you’ll be once you start looking for new friends who share your values.

Personally, I have started treating friendships almost in the same way I treat dates.

Rather than feeling an obligation to be friends with someone, I am far more selective.

I take my time to get to know them and genuinely evaluate whether we are a good fit for one another and whether we bring value to each other’s lives.

I liken it to dating because I think we are often more selective when it comes to people we date. So why not take the same approach to friendships?

To conclude: how to deal with people who use you

If someone is only using you for their own benefit, they’re not really being a friend at all.

They may be trying to manipulate or control you. Or they may just be generally out for themselves.

If you find yourself in this situation, don’t let them get away with it. Tell them what you think about the way they’ve been treating you.

If you have a good relationship with the person, then you need to talk to them about their behavior if you want to save the friendship.

Don’t hold back on your feelings, but try to express yourself in a clear and reasonable way.

You might decide to keep your distance from them until things improve.

Ultimately if they won’t listen to what you have to say, then you will probably need to cut ties with them for the sake of your own wellbeing.

Putting yourself first

What’s your number one goal at the moment?

Is it to buy that car you’ve been saving up for?

To finally start that side-hustle that’ll hopefully help you quit your 9-5 one day?

Or to take the leap and finally ask your partner to move in?

Whatever your goals are, there’s a hidden trap in how you set them.

The trap is this:

You’ll only experience genuine life satisfaction when your goals are aligned with your values.

Because when values and goals are aligned, you enjoy the journey much more. And this makes achieving your goals much more likely.

If you find it hard to articulate your deeper life values, I suggest downloading the free values exercise by career coach Jeanette Brown.

It takes only a couple of minutes and will reveal a number of powerful insights about your underlying values.

Click here to download the free values exercise.

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Is a Friend Using You? 40 Signs & Bold Ways to Confront & Handle Them

Friendships are special. The good ones, we cherish throughout our lives and stick with through good and bad. But, what about the bad ones? Sometimes, the people we think are our friends turn out to be wolves in sheep’s clothing. Basically, they’re bad friends. If you want to avoid upset, learn the signs a friend is using you ahead of time.

The truth is, not everyone has good intentions. You might think that someone is a great friend but then they start to do things that aren’t in alignment with what a good friend should be.

When that happens, you need to take action.

[Read: Why do people always take you for granted? 16 signs and firm ways to stop being used]

Knowing that there are people out there pretending to be your friend isn’t a great feeling. But it helps you pay closer attention to the people you call your friends. If you’ve noticed a friend or two in your group may be using you, it’s time to point it out.

Of course, you should also ditch them and get new friends. But let’s start off with the first step.

If you think your friend is using you, it’s time to look at the signs. You shouldn’t continue to surround yourself with people who aren’t genuinely interested in being your friend. It’s time to change.

If you see these signs a friend is using you, it’s time to get new friends. [Read: Bad friends – 25 types of friends you must unfriend from your life]

1. Your friendship feels like a business transaction

There are some friends who are only there for the good times. They like hanging out with you because there’s something they can use.

If your friend is always asking you for money, making you feel more like an ATM machine than a friend, something is up. You shouldn’t feel like you’re a bank, you should feel like a friend.

2. They’re holding you back

You may be wanting to lose weight or stop drinking, but your friend isn’t pleased about this. They’re not looking out for your best interests. Instead, they’re holding you back to further their interests.

They don’t want to stop drinking, for example, or change their lifestyle. So, they’ll put you down and make you feel like you’re making a mistake. [Read: When and how to end a friendship if they’re toxic and holding you back]

3.

You can’t be yourself

This is pretty huge. Of course, you’re not going to be “yourself” when you’re around your grandma or at a job interview. You have different sides of yourself that you show when needed.

But around your friends, you need to be yourself. That’s why you have friends. If not, who else can you be completely free around?

4. You do all the work

When it comes to this friendship, one of the big signs your friend is using you is if you’re the one putting the effort in. You make them food when they come over, buy them things, call them to hang out. You do it all.

They never call or text you unless there is something they need from you. Other than that, you’re the one emotionally investing in the relationship – not them. [Read: Why you should never make someone a priority when you’re only an option to them]

5. They talk about you behind your back

You’ve heard it through the grapevine that they don’t think highly of you. When you’re not around, they’re the first ones to talk poorly about you. A friend doesn’t bash the people they love and care about to others.

A good way to figure out whether a friend is doing this to you is to listen to whether they regularly gossip about or bash other people to you. If they do, the chances of them doing it behind your back are pretty high.

6. You feel like you’re being manipulated

You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you have a horrible feeling in your stomach when you’re around them.

But one thing is for sure, you feel as though you’ve become a worse person since they started hanging around. You’re always apologizing for everything, and they’ll play hot and cold with you. [Read: Being left on read – What it really means when they don’t text back]

7. They dip in and out of your life

One of the subtle signs a friend is using you is when they’re being an unpredictable friend. They’re not very consistent when it comes to hanging around. Rather, they just seem to pop in and out of your life when it’s convenient for them.

No matter the distance, a good friend should be a presence in your life. Whether it’s by video calling or texting, they should be around.

8. They actually know very little about you

At the end of the day, a fake friend doesn’t actually know much about you. You have never had deep conversations unless it’s about them.

They don’t ask about your personal life, only the things that affect them. If your friend doesn’t pay attention to you, it’s safe to say that this is a sign of a friend who is using you, and not being genuine. [Read: Codependent friendship – The bad signs and why it’s unhealthy for you]

9. You can’t count on them

What’s the point of a friendship if you can’t count on them when it really matters? Maybe you just graduated from university or had someone in your family pass away. Your “friend” was nowhere to be found.

But… that’s weird, isn’t this your friend? In the good and bad times, your friend should be there, no matter what. [Read: 24 signs you have shitty friends and need new ones]

10. They guilt-trip you

If you don’t do what they say, not only will they become angry, they’ll try to guilt-trip you. Okay, there are emergencies that may need attention, but when your friend needs attention, it’s about something pointless.

And if you don’t have the time or don’t want to help them out, one of the signs of a bad friend who uses you is when you get a big guilt trip in return.

11. You don’t know why you’re friends

When you really think about it, there’s nothing about them you find redeeming. One of the clearest signs a friend is using you is if you constantly feel bad about the person you’ve become when you’re around them.

They’re always asking for favors but never care about your needs. You actually don’t know why you put up with them.

If you’re having these thoughts, it’s a clear sign you need to end the friendship. [Read: How to end a friendship when they do nothing but hold you back]

12.

They control everything

When it comes to hanging out, even though you’re the one who initiates it, they control what happens. They decide what you are going to do or what you’re going to eat.

This is because they don’t care about your feelings. They’re concerned about what will make them happy, not you.

13. You don’t have actual arguments

You can’t actually remember a time when you two had an argument. Now, we should say fighting is bad, and it is, but it can be constructive. All good friendships have come with their fair share of arguments.

If you never disagreed about anything, maybe the relationship is missing depth or it’s a sign they don’t really care what you think as long as you allow your friend to use you.

14. They’re angry when you succeed

Maybe you won an award or received a promotion at work. Of course, as a friend, you can be a little jealous, but you’re obviously happy for your friend as well. But if this person doesn’t want to share and celebrate your success, they’re not a friend. Your friends should be your biggest fans, not people you should feel ashamed around. [Read: How to be a good friend – The BFF code all friends should follow]

15. They’re only around when they want something

One of the biggest signs a friend is using you is if they’re only ever around when they want something. Or, they show up when the situation will make them look good. In this case, they’re not interested in you as a person or as a friend, they’re just in it for what they can get.

Maybe you go days and even weeks without seeing them but then they show up and ask if they can borrow some money or they want you to do them a favor of some kind.

16. They’re always asking for something

Do you often feel like there’s some kind of agenda? Are they always asking you for something, be it a small thing or something larger? If that’s the case, you’re being used.

It’s probably very clear from the outside, but when you’re in the middle of it, you’re questioning whether you’re being paranoid or not. The truth is, a good friend won’t always ask you for things. They’ll ask if they need to, but those occasions will be very few and far between. [Read: Are you a user? 15 uncomfortable facts to help you face the truth]

17. You often find yourself paying for things

One of the biggest signs a friend is using you for money is that you’re always paying for things. Maybe they disappear when the bill comes and you have to pay or they say they’re broke and you end up splashing the cash instead.

For sure, friends can use you for other things besides money, perhaps simply to look good, but this is a major sign if cash is the reason.

18. They never pay you back when they say they will

It might be money, time, or a favor, but when they say they’ll pay you back or do something for you, they never come up with the goods.

You always end up waving it off as a coincidence or simply letting things slide because you don’t want to mention it. But, it’s one of the big signs a friend is using you and it’s simply not in alignment with the real value of friendship. [Read: 22 signs your best friend isn’t a best friend anymore and why you drifted apart]

19. They don’t show any loyalty

A friend who is using you will not show you any loyalty. Why should they when they’re not actually your friend? They don’t care about you, so loyalty is the last thing on their mind.

If you have someone in your life who has zero loyalty to you and is regularly ditching you, standing you up, and doesn’t have your back, they’re a fake friend. They’re probably also using you for something.

20. You can feel it

Deep, deep down inside of you, you feel something is really off. When you’re around them, you don’t feel good about yourself and when you go home, you feel used. Hello! Wake up! If you’re having these vibes, then, of course, you should listen to it.

This is your intuition telling you to cut the toxic friendship. In that case, you don’t need signs your friend is using you, you just need to listen to your inner voice. [Read: How to listen to your gut and give strength to your inner voice]

How to handle a friend who is clearly using you

It’s not easy to realize that someone you thought was a friend has another agenda. When you see the signs a friend is using you, it’s going to hurt.

You might even try and pretend that it’s not really happening. But, it’s important to be honest with yourself. You need to cut this person out of your life and look toward your real friends for support.

Who wants to accept that people have been using them? No one. But once you find out, take action! Don’t let them continue walking all over you. Things need to change. [Read: One-sided friendship – 15 clear signs it’s time to cut them loose]

1. Ask yourself how you feel

However you found out, you now know that your friend is using you. We know, it’s not a pleasant feeling, but it’s better you found out sooner rather than later.

Now you need to figure out what you want to do next. Are you going to completely ditch them? Confront them? Decide what you want to do with your friendship. [Read: The scenarios when it’s okay to ghost a friend]

2. Are you sure they’re using you?

Before you jump to conclusions, make sure you know they’ve actually used you. Sometimes, other people can get involved just to create drama.

You need to be sure in yourself that this person has been taking advantage of you. If you feel they’ve been using you and something isn’t right, you’re right.

3. Explore your intuition

Before you make any moves, what is your gut telling you? If you feel you’re being used, then you probably are.

We often ignore those feelings, but those are the ones you should pay attention to and follow. If your gut says these people aren’t good, then listen to it. [Read: 18 very honest reasons why you don’t have friends that care about you]

4. Question whether they have a history of using people

If they have a history of using people, they’re going to do it again. That means you’re possibly one of their newest victims.

For sure, having a history isn’t necessarily one of the signs a friend is using you, but it doesn’t bode well, does it? After all, a leopard rarely changes its spots.

5.

Identify what they’re using you for

If they’re using you, figure out what they’re using you for. Is it for money? Accommodation? Status? Before you confront them or make a big decision, figure out what they’re taking from you. That way, you confirm your gut instinct and take the next step forward. [Read: 22 signs that gives a user away when they try to use you]

6. Decrease how much you share with them

If they’re someone you would share personal information with, it’s time to limit it. As of now, they’ve used this information to manipulate and take advantage of you.

You can chat with them, but be careful about what you share with them. That also means anything else you share, such as money, opportunities, etc.

7. Don’t let them get the best of you

These situations can easily make you feel resentment and sadness. But once you see these signs a friend is using you, don’t let this person get the best of you.

Yes, they’re using you, but there are plenty of other people who care about you. This is just a bad egg.

8. Learn to say “no”

You need to start saying “no” as soon as possible. If they ask you for money, say “no.” When they ask you to buy them dinner, say “no.” It’s time to create those boundaries so they get the picture you’re not someone they can use anymore. [Read: How to set boundaries with friends without hurting or insulting them]

9. Don’t give in to guilt

If they’re using you, they won’t be happy when they feel it’s ending. Whatever they’re getting from you is important to them, so they’re going to try to keep everything in line.

Expect them to throw some guilt your way. The best thing you can do is dodge it. Don’t feel guilty because you recognized their poor behavior.

10. Detach yourself from them

You’re going to need to make some space between you and your friend. Since you’ve found out they’ve been using you, detach yourself from them and start keeping your distance from them.

This doesn’t mean you should ghost them, but you clearly need some space from them until you decide what to do next. [Read: Emotional manipulation and 14 ways people mess with your mind]

11. You need to talk to them

Whether you want to work on the relationship or end it, you’re going to need to talk to them.

We know you want to pay them back for how they’ve treated you, but you need to respect yourself and act with maturity. If you’re going to end the friendship, end it the right way.

12. Meet up with them face-to-face

Don’t talk to them via text. You need to do this the right way. Just because they weren’t nice to you, doesn’t mean you should act like a child.

So, if you want to talk to them, you should meet up with them. Choose a place where you can sit down and not get distracted by loud noises or other people talking. [Read: How to spot selfish people and stop them from hurting you]

13. Be direct

When you talk with them, don’t beat around the bush. It’s not going to get you anywhere. You made a courageous step forward in asking them to meet up with you, but you can’t stop now.

When you’re speaking with them, be as direct as possible. Tell them about what you’ve noticed or what happened. [Read: How to spot a bad friend and end a friendship]

14. Don’t freak out

It’s easy to become emotional and freak out when you realize your friend has been using you. But that’s the one thing you can’t do.

In these cases, you need to stay completely calm and collected. Of course, you should be guarded when around them, but don’t be defensive. This will only escalate things into a fight.

15. Stick up for yourself

If they’ve been using you, it’s clear they don’t respect you. So, when you talk to them, they may try to manipulate the situation and switch things around, pointing the finger at you.

Don’t let them get away with that crap. Stick up for yourself and make sure they see where the line is drawn. [Read: 24 truthful signs your friend doesn’t respect you or even care about you]

16. Spend time with other people

Instead of hanging out with this friend who uses you, spend time with other friends and family.

This doesn’t mean you cut them out immediately as soon as you see the signs a friend is using you, but hang out with people you trust and make you feel safe and secure. You’ll see the situation better once you step back.

17. Know the consequences

It’s one thing to call out someone for their manipulation, but you should show them the consequences of their actions. Of course, it depends on what you want to happen.

If you want to give them another chance, they’ll need to see they’ve violated your personal boundaries. If you want to end the relationship, that’s a consequence within itself. [Read: Am I a bad friend? The bad friendship skills that push people away from you]

18. Accept that it’s going to be a process

Losing a friend is no easy task. We know it may sound easy, you’re probably thinking you just cut them off, but there’s much more that goes into it than just that.

You’re losing a friend, someone you’ve had an emotional connection with. So, it’s going to take time. There will be moments when you’ll want to call them, but you will have to have to be strong. [Read: Why a friendship breakup hurts just as bad as a relationship breakup]

19. Understand that they weren’t really a friend

At the end of everything, you need to understand this person wasn’t a true friend to you. Hopefully, you use this situation as an example for the new people you’ll meet, that way, you’ll know what to look out for to make sure you don’t get hurt.

The good thing is now you can move forward without this toxic person in your life. [Read: 30 sad signs of a bad friend that’ll make you lose faith in humanity]

20. Don’t let this stop you from meeting new people

Sure, you may be a little more guarded when meeting new people. That’s understandable.

But don’t cut yourself off from making new friends. You ran into some bad people, that’s life. There are countless kind and warm-hearted people who would make great friends. Don’t stop until you find them.

[Read: How to stop being a doormat that people use]

After reading these signs a friend is using you, what do you think? Do you think your friend is using you? If so, it’s time to stand up against them and tell them how you feel.

Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life.

10 Signs Your Friends Are Using You

March 29, 2021One on One Relationships

It's time to cut your fellow parasites out of your life.

This article is part of the One on One project. In it, we talk about relationships with ourselves and others. If the topic is close to you, share your story or opinion in the comments. Will wait!

1. A friend calls or writes only when they need something from you

It's normal to turn to friends for help in difficult times. But it is extremely strange if your communication consists only of this. If you are only needed to solve other people's problems, it is obvious that you are being used.

2. You are more a function for a friend than a person

They see you not as a person, but as a resource, and this is not always noticeable at first sight. You can communicate a lot and close, discuss different topics and even help each other out. However, if you look closely, suspicious circumstances will be revealed.

For example, you and your friends travel a lot on short trips, you are invited to picnics and parties - sounds good. But there is a caveat: you are the only motorist in the company and do not drink alcohol. Therefore, you are a welcome guest wherever you can be a driver. And if your services are not needed, friends can easily do without you.

Or, let's say you live alone, so you often have noisy parties in your apartment. But it's worth moving in with someone and offering to reschedule meetings to another place, as it turns out that there is no one else to hang out with you. You lose your function and stop being interesting.

3. You are constantly forced to give in

Friends usually have similar interests and views on life, but hardly absolutely identical. When they do not match, you have to negotiate. For example, choose the third option from two options, which will suit everyone, or give in to each other in turn. And here the key is “in turn”. If only you are forced to give in, this is an unfair game.

4. A friend helps you only after bidding

You also sometimes ask a friend for help, and he responds. But in the future, he will definitely remember this when he once again asks you for a favor. Moreover, they will not always be comparable in terms of spending resources. Let's say he paid for your coffee, and asks you to dig six acres of a garden with him.

In the worst case, a person bargains even before helping you: he will fulfill his part of the deal, but only if you also promise him something. In general, the quid pro quo format of communication has the right to exist. But is it friendship?

Image: Anna Guridova / Lifehacker

5. You often feel guilty

Putting pressure on guilt is the easiest way to manipulate those who call themselves your friend. This can take many forms, for example:

“Why can't you do this for me? What kind of friend are you?
"I am poor and unhappy - what will it be like for you if you do not help me out?"
“I am so dependent! I’ll have problems, who will be to blame for this?”

Of course, these thoughts are rarely broadcast directly. But the result is the same: you feel guilty all the time. And it is this, and not a sincere desire to help, that makes you do something for another again and again.

6. A friend makes you a "terrible girlfriend"

Neither gender nor your appearance is important here - it's a matter of a certain behavior. As soon as the audience appears, a friend willingly sits in front of you. He can make fun of you or demonstrate his superiority in every possible way. You are, of course, encouraged to endure. And if you start to resent, you will hear in response: “Yes, it just seemed to you!”

In fact, this eloquently shows how easily a person is ready to offend you in order to achieve their goals.

7. A friend often takes something from you, but rarely gives it back without a reminder.

It happens that an acquaintance asks for money or things for a while and completely disappears from the radar. The situation is unpleasant, but with such people one precedent is enough to understand everything.

However, there is another category of friends who act more cautiously. They repay debts, but only if they are reminded of it. It seems that the person is just forgetful, because everything returns! This impression can be deceiving. You yourself will be embarrassed to start a conversation or forget to do it and lose money, books and other valuables.

8. A friend speaks badly about your acquaintances

Maybe a friend is really worried and delicately hints that someone from your environment has a bad influence on you or is friends out of self-interest. But if everyone is not nice to him, this is an occasion to think. Perhaps he perceives you as a resource, and everyone else as competitors.

If you suddenly have to share you with someone, it's a mess.

9. A friend asks more of you than you can give

Of course, in a critical situation, you can make extra efforts to help. But doing feats on a regular basis is too much. Two adults are friends, and each invests in the relationship as much as he can. So if you are required to do something to the detriment of yourself, then someone is abusing your sympathies.

Image: Anna Guridova / Lifehacker

10. You can't just refuse

If a friend asks you for something, you can't just say no. Be sure to report why you refuse. If the reason seems insufficiently valid, you will certainly be called to account. So you don't even try to say it like it is. Dodging has become a habit.

For example, you can't cancel a meeting because you're tired and want to get some sleep, because you'll get ridiculed that you're too old. So you come up with a story about malaise. Although the lack of desire in itself is a good reason.

Friends, unlike relatives, we choose ourselves. Therefore, it is in your power to surround yourself with people who will not parasitize on you.

7 signs that your "friend" is taking advantage of you

Do you have a friend whose sincerity you doubt? And do you doubt so much that you start looking for obvious signs that he is openly using you? Most likely, we all had to deal with this type, whether it be a new acquaintance or a colleague with oddities. Even if you sincerely believe that only the best people surround you, still pay attention to the following seven signs that should alert you.

1. Your "friend" always wants something from you

Your friend contacts you only when he needs to borrow money, travel somewhere or even help in some way. In fact, he is simply trying in every possible way to take advantage of your good nature, reliability, nobility, after all. You are not his parent, you also have bad days and problems, but this does not mean that you allow yourself to be abused by friendship and good relationships.

2. He calls you for a walk only when he needs it

Have you noticed that your friend invites you to go out and hang out when he (she) is left alone and without company? He simply has no one to spend time with, because his choice falls on you. Believe me, this is one of the clear signs that you are being used. And if you also have a car, such a friend often uses you as a driver. Remember that you are not a taxi! Friendship should be mutual, not situational.

3. He gossips and talks about you impartially behind your back

Have you ever found out that your friend says unflattering things about you? Being caught hot, such a person can justify himself by saying that these were only jokes. But if he does it behind your back, think about it! When a person gossips with you about one of your mutual friends, it means that he is doing exactly the same thing in relation to you.

4. He borrows something, but almost never gives it back

Another sign that your friend is taking advantage of you is one banal action: he borrows something from you (things, money), but rarely gives. Be careful! Of course, best friends can always resort to mutual assistance and ask for something for a while, but if this is a one-way game, then forget about such a friend.

5. He is only interested in your connections and contacts

If your friend is very interested in your connections and contacts, you should be wary. Especially if, after meeting the right people, such a friend disappears from your life until the next moment when he needs your help again. This is a very clear and eloquent signal! In the worst case, such a dubious and self-serving friend can set you up in front of your colleagues and acquaintances.

6. He always asks you for help because of his difficult situation or emergency

Does your friend constantly have force majeure circumstances in which he does not hesitate to ask for your help? For example, he needs you to sit with his child, look after the house during his absence, or wait, say, for a plumber, because he has a major project on fire at his work. We all have emergency situations, but if they happen to your friend all the time, you need to think!

7. He speaks badly of your other friends

Be sure to pay attention to this sign when a person is trying to turn everyone against you (and vice versa). If your friend is trying in every possible way to discredit other friends in your eyes or impartially criticizes what is really dear and valuable to you, then he simply does not deserve to stay close to you.

Did you find any familiar signs and signals on this list? Then take action and protect yourself from people seeking to use you. Be careful and remember that real and reliable friends are not easy to find.

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