Feeling emotional meaning

A person evaluates each parameter and gets a picture of his emotional state, which allows him to pay attention to personal shortcomings that he had not thought about before.

We were recently contacted by the London Police Department. One of the employees, a talented employee who at the same time did not know how to get along with colleagues, was distinguished by his straightforwardness and authoritarian character.

At work they didn't know what to do about it.

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Research shows women with high emotional intelligence are more satisfied with their appearance

A police officer took a test focusing on motivation, decision-making and relationships. This helped him become aware of his own behavior and improve relationships with work colleagues.

Emotional intelligence can be measured not only by the tested person, but also by people close to him. For example, a man considers himself an optimist and quite happy. But if you ask his wife to take the test, it may turn out that she sees him as a pessimist, unable to control emotions.

People often perceive themselves differently than others think of them.

Making sense of emotions is the first step towards reassessing behavior.

, unlike IQ, emotional intelligence can increase

BBC: What is the difference between emotional intelligence and IQ (coefficient A intelligence)?

BP: It is known that the level of IQ is an objective indicator of mental abilities that cannot be changed. IQ predicts success at school, at work.

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Researchers note that high emotional intelligence has a positive effect on the ability to work in a team

mood of colleagues.

Unlike IQ, which is genetic, a person can regulate and improve his emotional intelligence throughout life.

It is important to understand that social skills are as important to personal success as the ability to think logically or solve math problems.

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BBC: What role does emotional intelligence play in business and companies?

BP: Employers pay attention to the fact that high mental abilities are not always a criterion that determines a person's success at work.

For example, a person with a broad track record and a high IQ is hired, and he turns out to be a tyrant who cannot get along with the team.

That's why more and more large companies are turning to emotional intelligence professionals for help: just search the Internet for "emotional intelligence for business" to see this.

BBC: What is the emotional intelligence of politicians?

AP: There is a good chance that most politicians today will score high on the emotional intelligence traits test.

This is due to inflated ego and narcissism, which allow leaders to appreciate themselves and their personal abilities.

However, this does not at all indicate high emotional intelligence.

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Despite his presidency, many believe that Trump lacks emotional intelligence.

If we turn to historical examples, the model of a wise ruler was the Indian emperor Ashoka, who had a strong emotional intelligence. Mahatma Gandhi is another example of a leader capable of empathy (one of the main components of emotional intelligence).

• Theresa May's Brexit: the triumph of emotions over reason?

The issue of politics is the motivation of people in power. Wise rulers capable of empathy should stand at the political top, and not those who seek to realize themselves at the expense of ruling others.

BBC: How do I know if I have low emotional intelligence?

BP: To understand whether there is reason to talk about low emotional intelligence, you should pay attention to everyday thoughts, actions and emotions.

The main points that can be indicators of low EQ:

• Uncertainty in yourself and your actions
• Tendency to excessive self-criticism
• Inability to find a common language with others with self-esteem and communication with others, but at the same time they are more modest and open-minded about others.
  • What is your emotional intelligence? Check yourself

  How to be happy and not burn out?

  BBC: How to improve emotional intelligence? Are there educational materials, programs for this? Where should you start?

  K. P. : I am often asked: how to achieve success at work and improve relationships in the family? Asking such a question is like going to the doctor for a prescription without asking the cause of the disease.

  First of all it is necessary to ask the question "Who am I?", and only then "What do I feel?" A person must learn to understand himself, recognize his emotions, and only after that - analyze the feelings of others.

  Image caption,

  Professor Petrides believes that the study of emotional intelligence should begin with the question "Who am I?" and only then - "How do I feel?"

  This is not easy to do. All life people try to find happiness from outside. This is how it is laid down by the system, in which external achievements are the hallmark of success.

  A person finishes school, enters a prestigious university, and is looking for a well-paid job.

  Chooses the best life partner, the best house, car. He is constantly trying to climb the wall he is building. But this is impossible, because when he reaches the top, he puts a couple more bricks on top.

  At a certain moment a person "burns out", realizes that he is unhappy. Sometimes it happens too late. There are many such people in London - outwardly successful and positive, who in fact have been on antidepressants for years.

  • The riddle of writing therapy: write about your pain and it will go away?

  The goal of the Emotional Intelligence Traits program is to enable a person to stop looking for meaning from outside, and instead try to look inside himself and understand his essence. Want to change. The main thing is to be sincere.

  The next natural step is meditation. If a person is internally ready for changes, coming into meditation will seem quite natural to him.

  Konstantin V. Petrides - Head of the Psychometric Laboratory, Professor of Psychology and Psychometry at Londo University College to . Professor Petrides is the author and developer of the Traits of Emotional Intelligence tests that are used for worldwide research in this area.

  Emotional intelligence: how to learn to understand your own and others' emotions

  Emotional intelligence is twice as important as hard skills and IQ for career success. Together with Doctor of Psychology Viktoriya Shimanskaya, we will tell you where emotions come from, how to manage them and better understand other people

  About the expert: Viktoriya Shimanskaya — Doctor of Psychology, lecturer at MGIMO, MIP, an expert on the development of emotional intelligence. Author of the book “Communication” for teenagers, co-founder of the SKILLFOLIO soft skills development project. Author of the first Russian patented method for developing emotional intelligence.

  What is emotional intelligence and why is it important

  Emotional Intelligence (Emotional Quotient) is the ability to recognize emotions, intentions, motivations, desires of oneself and others and manage it. The skill helps to solve practical problems and achieve goals in life and at work. People with developed emotional intelligence are able to negotiate with other people, make decisions and respond correctly to negative situations.

  Through emotions we react to events, words and circumstances. If they are not understood, what is happening will be distorted. For example, at work they made a remark to you, and you began to argue and conflict. As a result, this will lead to neurosis, apathy and other depressive states. At the same time, depression does not go away quickly: in 15–39% of people, it lasts more than a year.

  A person with developed emotional intelligence reacts to causes, not actions or emotions. This helps him to perceive criticism correctly, understand other people and respond to them with an adequate reaction.

  What is emotional intelligence and how it will help your career

  The concept of emotional intelligence became popular after the publication of the 1995 book of the same name by science journalist Daniel Goleman. According to Goleman's research, people with developed emotional intelligence have better mental health, work efficiency, and leadership skills. At the same time, 67% of leadership abilities fall on emotional intelligence. It is more important than technical knowledge and IQ twice.

  A study by Egon Zehnder confirms this. They analyzed 515 senior executives and found that people with developed emotional intelligence are more likely to succeed. The Carnegie Institute of Technology reported that 85% of our financial success comes from emotional intelligence, leadership, and communication skills. Only 15% depend on technical knowledge. Soft human skills, closely related to emotional intelligence, are the most important skills in the present and the future.

  How does emotional intelligence work? It clearly shows the coefficients that form the intellectual-emotional profile of a person - IEPP.

  Emotional intelligence does not exist separately from the intellect, it is not its opposite. Emotional intelligence EQ and mental intelligence IQ cannot be separated from each other. Moreover, if EQ is not developed, a person will not have a high IQ.

  To develop emotional intelligence, you need to focus on four drivers: awareness, self-esteem, motivation, and adaptability. The development of each of the drivers forms the development of the corresponding emotional-intellectual strategy.

  1. Awareness. Includes awareness of one's thoughts, feelings and behavior. Develops the strategy of "Philosophers". Philosophers learn quickly and accumulate knowledge, but it is difficult for them to move from theory to practice and translate knowledge into real skills.
  2. Self-assessment. Includes acceptance, the ability not to depend on external assessments and opinions, a positive perception of the world and determination. Helps to master the strategy of the "Stars". Such people are self-confident, but tend to talk to impress. Stars run the risk of remaining at the level of "impressions" if they do not pump up the drivers of awareness and motivation.
  3. Motivation. Includes openness to new things, goal-setting, experiencing failures, striving for self-actualization. Helps to master the strategy of "Heroes". Heroes enjoy self-development and achievements, so they constantly improve and can lead people. Heroes run the risk of quickly burning out if they do not understand the reasons for their work.
  4. Adaptability. Includes empathy, stress tolerance, decision making and communication skills. Develops the strategy of "Leaders". Such people are stress-resistant, empathic and hardworking, but prone to impostor syndrome. This is a cognitive distortion when a person considers himself a deceiver and does not attribute achievements to his qualities and skills.

  Emotional intelligence is a kind of base of the personality pyramid. The larger the volume of this pyramid, the more opportunities and influence a person can have on his life, the lives of other people and the world as a whole.

  All four profiles are equally promising. To build an effective life strategy, you need to understand your strong drivers and pay attention to the weak ones. In conjunction with the IQ intelligence vector, emotional intelligence forms the life strategy of "Creators". It helps to realize the potential of a person and achieve the highest level of self-realization.

  How to develop emotional intelligence?

  Honesty. To test your honesty, do a simple exercise - write down on paper three personality traits that you do not like about yourself. For example, "I wake up late", "I'm lazy", and "I get easily irritated". According to the first principle of the concept of emotional intelligence, there is a positive intention in every action we take. Think about why you wake up late and what is the positive intention behind this action. For example, because you get very tired at work and worry about a new project.

  Psychologist and author of Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman tries to figure out why we don't show compassion more often and how it will change our lives

  Behavior assessment. It is difficult to answer the question why we behave this way in a particular situation. But an honest answer gives a reaction on three levels: meaning, body and emotions - this is the second paradigm in the concept of emotional intelligence. If you change the reaction at one of these levels, the rest will change. For example, you are doing a good job, but you realized that customers do not return again because you do not know how to communicate with them. Because of this, you are annoyed, but the awareness of this thing will give a state of insight at the level of meaning. At the level of the body, there will be relaxation and a feeling, "as if a mountain has fallen from the shoulders." At the level of emotions, it will become easier. You have found the true cause of anger and irritation, although it is difficult to admit.

  Emotional Intelligence Development Tools

  There are four components to developing emotional intelligence. Self-awareness and self-control help you work with yourself, while social competence and relationship management help you build strong relationships with others.

  • Awareness

  The development of emotional intelligence should begin with the awareness of what is happening to you. You need to learn to separate yourself and emotions, to present them as a separate phenomenon and look at it from the side. Emotions are your reaction to what is happening around you. They change with changes in external circumstances, so remember: you ≠ your emotions. The ability to separate emotion from yourself will help you assess the situation, make a decision and respond correctly.

  For example, on the edge of a cliff, you realize that you are afraid and move away. In this case, fear will save your life. But in negotiations with an important client, he will interfere with collecting thoughts and focusing on the result. Realizing this, you need to push the fear aside and move on.

  Mark Williams and Danny Penman define emotions in their book Mindfulness: “They are clusters of thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and impulses. All the elements interact with each other and can enhance or dampen the overall mood.”

  Any emotion can be accepted or rejected. At the same time, emotions cannot be suppressed. This will lead to neurosis and dissatisfaction with life.

  Practice: draw a scale from 0 to 10 on paper. Mark the level of fear on it, for example, 7 bars. Now increase the level to 9, and then decrease to 5. Try to understand your feelings and experience the emotion. Reduce your fear by another 2 or 3 bars, and get down to business that you were afraid of. This is the essence of emotion management.

  • Self-monitoring

  If you are aware and able to separate emotion from yourself, you will be able to control and express it correctly. This skill is especially important for leaders. To control an emotion, it must be expressed and spoken out loud.

  Practice: learn to speak the language of emotions. Use a three-part phrase:

  1. I feel…

  2. Because…

  3. I would like...

  For example, I am frustrated and angry because I didn't have time to prepare a presentation for a new client. I would like us to do it together, because the client is important for the company. Formulate several negative and positive emotions according to this formula.

  Methods of non-violent communication will help to learn how to express feelings. Practice, over time it will become a habit. You will change your speech and reaction to many events.

  • Social competence

  Social competence helps to see the essence and cause of what is happening and not get involved in emotional battles. Make smarter and more informed decisions. To do this, you need to learn to understand what is behind the behavior of another person. This way you will prevent 90% of conflicts.

  One's own or another person's reaction can be decomposed into meaning, action and intention. This will help to correctly interpret emotions and respond to them

  One's own or another person's reaction can be decomposed into meaning, action and intention. This will help to correctly interpret emotions and respond to them

  In dealing with people, do not react to actions and words, but to the intentions and reasons that lie behind them. Any reaction and behavior can be decomposed into three components:

  1. Intention — the meaning, the true reason. A person may or may not be aware of his intention, but it will always be positive. For example, the manager yelled at you because he was worried about the results of the project.

  2. Action is how a person realizes the cause. It can be positive and constructive or negative and destructive. For example, you will insult a man in response to unacceptable behavior or explain your attitude and offer to behave differently.

  3. The meaning of is what meaning you give to the action. It is either positive or negative. For example, you asked a colleague a question, but he did not answer. Positive meaning - the colleague did not hear the question, negative - he does not respect you.

  Practice: remember a few conflict situations and try to expand them according to this formula. Find positive intentions in your meanings and actions.

  • Relationship Management

  The Emotion Quadrant will help you determine your emotional state, use it or change it. This is a coordinate system from 0 to 10 on each axis. Below are the level of mood and pleasure - gray and green squares. Above are the level of energy and physical well-being - orange and yellow squares.

  The Emotion Quadrant helps you determine which emotional state you or your co-workers are in to channel energy and mood for good

  The Emotion Quadrant helps you determine which emotional state you or your co-workers are in to channel energy and mood to benefit

  How it works. For example, you didn’t make a presentation for a new client and you are worried because of this. Rate the level of mood at 3 points. At the same time, you still have a lot of strength, so the energy level will be 7 points. So you get into the red square "I'm worried." In this state, it is better to do active work that does not require an emotional mood: tidy up the house, take out the trash, cook food.

  In the green square you are in a good mood, but have little energy. In this case, learn new things: immerse yourself in a project or task, collect information. Do things that don't require physical activity.

  In the yellow square, mood and energy are at their maximum. This is a good opportunity for brainstorming. Come up with new ideas and projects, mix formats and look for other solutions to common problems.

  There is little energy and no mood in the blue square. Here you should look for errors and shortcomings. Figure out how you can improve your daily routine and see what else you can work on.

  The Emotions Quadrant will help direct free resources to the right tasks. You will be able to correctly prioritize and give clear orders to employees.

  How to determine the level of development of emotional intelligence?

  The author of the book "Emotional Intelligence in Practice" Justin Bariso identifies 13 criteria for a developed EQ:

  1. Become aware of your feelings and emotions.

  2. Pause before speaking or acting.

  3. Strive to control your thoughts and reactions to emotions.

  4. Use criticism as an opportunity to improve something.

  5. Stick to your values ​​and principles.

  6. Know how to sympathize.

  7. Praise and inspire others.

  8. Provide useful feedback.

  9. Apologize and acknowledge mistakes.

  10. Forgive and forget.

  11. Fulfill your obligations.

  12. Help others.

  13. Protect yourself from emotional sabotage.

  Victoria Shimanskaya adds one universal but subjective criterion - the degree of satisfaction with one's own life. Feeling is more important in EQ than skill development. If you can't ask for a raise for several years or get terribly angry when you clean your apartment, take a closer look at working with your emotions.

  The hardest thing about developing emotional intelligence is getting started. It is not clear at what point there is an experience that allows you to further develop your EQ skills. Begin to carefully listen to yourself and catch the emotion: name, realize, reflect, listen to your feelings. Without this exercise, no books will get you closer to feeling happy, overcoming fears, curbing anger, and other tasks that we want to solve with the help of emotion management.

  Emotional intelligence lives at the intersection of meanings and the body. Only by linking knowledge with physical sensations, you can turn it on and adjust your emotional apparatus.

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