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Fear of missing out phobia


The Psychology Behind The Fear of Missing Out – Forbes Health

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Table of Contents

  • What Is the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)?
  • The History of FOMO
  • Symptoms of FOMO
  • Causes of FOMO
  • The Psychology of FOMO
  • Social Media and The Fear of Missing Out
  • How to Resist the Fear of Missing Out 

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The average person spends 147 minutes a day on social media[1]Daily time spent on social networking by internet users worldwide from 2012 to 2022. Statistics. Accessed 8/31/2022. . Because of this, we’re more aware than ever of how others are spending their time. Every party, vacation and even meal out seems to be documented for the world to see.

For some, this constant stream of documentation can lead to experiencing FOMO, or fear of missing out. Though FOMO isn’t a diagnosable psychological condition—at least not yet—this phenomenon can directly impact both mental and physical health. While social media can be a big cause of FOMO, it certainly isn’t the only culprit. The feeling of wanting to fit in and belong far outdates the Internet. If you are experiencing FOMO regularly, there are ways to overcome it.

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What Is the Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)?

According to the World Journal of Clinical Cases, the term “fear of missing out” gained traction in 2004[2]Fear of missing out: A brief overview of origin, theoretical underpinnings and relationship on mental health. World Journal of Clinical Cases. 2021;9(19):4881-4889. . This was the year Facebook launched, one of the first large online spaces (except for perhaps MySpace) where people were able to publicly display their friendships and what they were doing through status updates and photos.

“Psychologists began using the term FOMO in the early 2000s to describe a phenomenon associated with the use of social networking sites. It has gained greater attention over the years as our social media presence has increased,” says Natalie Christine Dattilo, Ph. D, the founder of Priority Wellness Group and an instructor of psychology at Harvard. “FOMO includes both the perception of missing out, which triggers anxiety, and compulsive behaviors, like checking and refreshing sites, to maintain social connections,” she says. “It is closely related to the fear of social exclusion or ostracism, which existed long before social media.”

The History of FOMO

FOMO may have entered our lexicon during the advent of social media, but Erin Vogel, Ph.D., a social psychologist and an associate professor at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center, emphasizes that the feeling of missing out has existed much longer. “Humans want to feel like we’re included like we belong to a group,” she says.

Another way that psychologists have studied FOMO is by focusing on how a feeling of “belonging” can influence our self-esteem, continues Dr. Vogel. “When we feel as if we’re part of a community and others approve of us, we feel better about ourselves. When we don’t get that sense of community approval, we feel worse about ourselves,” she says.

When it comes to the first use of the acronym FOMO, the credit is often given to Patrick McGinnis, a writer who used it in an article he wrote for the Harvard Business School magazine, The Harbus, in 2004 (McGinnis is now a venture capitalist, best-selling author and has a podcast called FOMO Sapiens.) In his article, McGinnis used “fear of missing out” to describe why people often overschedule themselves.

Symptoms of FOMO

Even though FOMO is not currently a diagnosable condition, it can have specific symptoms, according to a 2021 report in Technological Forecasting and Social Change. Some of these symptoms include:

  • Obsessively checking social media to see what others are doing
  • Experiencing negative feelings when comparing one’s life to what others seem to be doing on social media
  • Feeling mentally exhausted from social media

Other symptoms of FOMO, according to Erin Vogel, Ph. D, a social psychologist and an associate professor at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center, can include:

  • Overscheduling (trying to be everywhere at all times)
  • Withdrawing from others
  • Feeling physically tired
  • Feeling sad, anxious or depressed
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Having trouble sleeping

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Causes of FOMO

“Social media is not the only thing that causes FOMO. For example, you might get an invitation to a weekend party that you don’t necessarily want to attend, but go anyway because you don’t want to feel left out when your friends talk about it on Monday. Social media facilitates FOMO, but people have always experienced it,” explains Dr. Vogel. While anything that makes someone feel left out can be a cause of FOMO, agrees Dr. Dattilo, a few of the more common causes include:

  • Not understanding an inside joke others are laughing at
  • Not being picked for a team
  • Not being invited to an event
  • Missing out on a good deal, such as a sale at a store you like

The Psychology of FOMO

A sense of belonging is a fundamental human need. One study focusing on adolescent girls referred to this need as “social hunger[3]Tanton A, Dhir A, Talwar S, et al. Dark consequences of social media-induced fear of missing out (FOMO): Social media stalking, comparisons, and fatigue. Technological Forecasting and Social Change. 2021;171:120931. .” This language underscores how important the need of belonging can be for some and why experiencing FOMO can affect certain people so negatively. Feeling socially connected (the opposite of FOMO) has even been linked to living a longer, healthier life.

How can feeling connected impact our health in such an important way? Researchers say that it’s because feeling bonded with others leads to feeling less stressed, which supports both the nervous system and the immune system. Conversely, the feeling of FOMO affects the brain similar to other anxiety conditions by activating a “fight or flight” response, says Dr. Dattilo. “The brain perceives a threat, a social threat in this case, and puts us on high alert. Our nervous system gets agitated and then we become uncomfortable and motivated to find relief,” she continues.

This need for relief often leads people straight to their favorite social media apps. “Unfortunately, by seeking relief in this way, we only maintain or even strengthen the anxiety that triggered it in the first place,” says Dr. Dattilo.

FOMO has also been linked to mental health issues. Experiencing FOMO can be associated with depression, feeling more stressed out and decreased life satisfaction.

Who Is Most Affected by FOMO?

When it comes to an actual age range, teens and youth are more at risk for experiencing FOMO. “Younger people are considerably more at risk due to the increased amount of time spent online coupled with a heightened sensitivity to and need for social approval and belongingness,” says Dr. Dattilo

However, young people aren’t the only ones who may experience FOMO. Since the fear of missing out is often connected to social media, Dr. Vogel explains that any avid social media user is more at risk of experiencing FOMO than individuals who do not use social media very much. “It’s likely that social media use can cause us to experience FOMO because we’re seeing the ‘highlight reels’ of other people’s lives,” she says. “It’s also likely that people who are very invested in their social relationships are more drawn to social media and more prone to experiencing FOMO.” To this point, a smaller study from 2017 found that extroverts may be more likely to use social media excessively than introverts[4]Social Theory at HBS: McGinnis’ Two FOs. The Harbus. Accessed 08/31/2022.

Individuals living with social anxiety are also at risk, notes Dr. Dattilo. This is because, she explains, they are more likely to avoid social situations and rely more heavily on social media for connection and to decrease feelings of loneliness.

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Social Media and The Fear of Missing Out

It’s clear that feeling a sense of belonging is important for both physical and mental health. It’s also likely that FOMO negatively impacts health. But why is social media such a powerful driver of FOMO? To understand this, it’s important to know just how powerful apps like Instagram, Facebook and TikTok can be. When we see posts that make us happy on social media (or when someone “likes” our posts), it increases the hormone dopamine in the brain, lighting up the brain’s reward system, explains Dr. Dattilo.

“Posting on social media and receiving positive feedback through comments, likes and follows is highly rewarding to the brain so we seek that again and again,” says Dr. Dattilo. In this way, using social media can quite literally be addictive.

How to Resist the Fear of Missing Out 

If you find yourself experiencing FOMO, both Dr. Vogel and Dr. Dattilo have some advice on how to deal with it:

  • Remember what you’re not seeing on social media: “Especially in the age of social media, it’s important to remind ourselves that other people’s lives aren’t as exciting or perfect as they may seem,” says Dr. Vogel. Remember that people aren’t typically posting the more ordinary aspects of their day, such as working at their computer or cleaning. Not everyone’s day is jam-packed with excitement 24/7.
  • Be purposeful with your time: “Focus your energy on relationships and activities that are fulfilling to you,” suggests Dr. Vogel. When you’re content with how you’re spending your time, you’ll be less concerned with how others are spending theirs.
  • Know your triggers: Often, it can be helpful to figure out exactly what is causing you to experience FOMO, explains Dr. Dattilo. “Much like any behavioral addiction, understanding and minimizing triggers is important,” she says. If you find that the cause of your FOMO is your phone, she suggests putting it in a different room unless you need to use it to avoid the temptation of going on social media. If a certain person is regularly causing you to experience FOMO, you may want to consider limiting your time around them.
  • See a therapist: Dr. Dattilo says that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help break habits that are leading to FOMO, such as overusing social media. This type of therapy involves working with a therapist to examine your emotions, thoughts and actions to help regain a sense of control.

Constantly experiencing FOMO may negatively impact mental and physical health—but it’s also very possible to enjoy social media without letting FOMO overtake you. Remembering that social media is only half of the story, as well as enlisting some coping mechanisms, can help you push back against FOMO. Cultivating a personal sense of belonging may also help you feel more in control and secure.

“When it comes to treating FOMO, the main goal should be control rather than abstinence,” Dr. Dattilo says. “Be intentional and mindful about your social media usage. Notice which accounts or apps tend to make you feel worse and unfollow or delete.”

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Sources

Footnotes

  • Daily time spent on social networking by internet users worldwide from 2012 to 2022. Statistics. Accessed 8/31/2022.
  • Fear of missing out: A brief overview of origin, theoretical underpinnings and relationship on mental health. World Journal of Clinical Cases. 2021;9(19):4881-4889.
  • Tanton A, Dhir A, Talwar S, et al. Dark consequences of social media-induced fear of missing out (FOMO): Social media stalking, comparisons, and fatigue. Technological Forecasting and Social Change. 2021;171:120931.
  • Social Theory at HBS: McGinnis’ Two FOs. The Harbus. Accessed 08/31/2022.

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Fear of missing out: A brief overview of origin, theoretical underpinnings and relationship with mental health

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How to overcome the missed opportunity syndrome

New Year holidays are the time when the missed opportunity syndrome reminds of itself every day and with tripled force. Are you going to celebrate Christmas in the mountains? Didn't make an advent calendar for your child? The results of the year were not even close to those that can be found in the Facebook and Instagram feed?

No, you don't envy others. You just feel like you're missing something important. When you see someone getting things done before the holidays or “getting cleaned up,” you also want to write to-do lists and work on abs. A slight regret is unlikely to poison your life, but missed opportunity syndrome can.

Lost profit syndrome is recognized by psychology as a form of social neurosis, which has a bad effect on the quality of life and self-esteem. In this article, we will analyze:

- what is the missed profit syndrome

- where does this social phobia come from

- how not to fall for the marketing tricks that use it

- how to drown out the fear of missing out on something important and focus on your priorities.

What is FOMO?

Merriam Webster's Dictionary defines Fear of missing out; abbr. FoMO as the obsessive fear of missing out on an interesting event or opportunity.

Fear of not being included in what other people experience - most often it is about some interesting and pleasant activity.

In the Urban Dictionary, a dictionary of modern terms, FoMO is a state of emotional and mental stress associated with the fear of missing out.

Evolutionary biology says that FoMO is triggered by our cognitive ability to recognize and evaluate opportunities. This ability once saved the lives of our ancestors. Now it is a social phobia that causes neurosis, makes us spend time and money on things that we do not need.

How social networks provoke the FoMO syndrome

Hundreds of events take place offline and online every day. Some do not suit you at all, you are interested in some of them, your eyes light up from a few. In most cases, you will learn about them from social networks.

Companies want you to want to go. This will pay off the cost of advertising, which means they will spend even more money on promotion. You receive notifications about what photos and offers are added to events, you see who else is interested in the event. Photos from past events of the same kind are well chosen and inspiring.

Scrolling through the feed, you see where other people have been and what they have bought. In the photos, they are very happy with their choice, and you want to experience similar emotions and share them.

None of these people will write that because of attending the opening of a new quest room, they did not have a normal rest on the weekend, and a fashionable set for zero-waste cleaning was gathering dust in the corner after a week.

It doesn't matter how a person learned about something interesting - from Facebook or a phone conversation

Social networks affect us more because we look at feeds more often than we communicate with someone live.

To avoid FoMO, it is enough to start with an awareness of the problem and remember that not everything that your friends do is necessary for you.

Marketer's Tricks: Don't Let Your FoMO Make Money

According to a study, about 56% of people suffer from FOMO. For marketers, this is more than half of the target audience. Many of the tricks used in promoting products and events are based on the manipulation of the FoMO syndrome. Knowing these techniques will help you reduce their impact on your decisions.

Trick #1

You see what people are buying. Next to the product it is noted how many people bought this backpack, notebook or trip to Austria. If the numbers are updated in real time, the effect is magnified. You see that the goods are needed by someone, that this is not a waste of money.

How to reduce the effect. Often these statistics are artificially created by programmers, these are not real numbers, they are only there to make you buy.

Even if the numbers are real, these people are not competing with you, they are just buying the product. And maybe they need it more than you do.

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Trick #2

Let the clock tick. It seems that we have already learned not to believe that after 24 hours the promotion will end, and this advantageous offer will never be repeated.

The brain understands, but the adrenaline rush still occurs - there is less and less time left to buy something or sign up somewhere, the decision must be made quickly. The narrow time frame only spurs the FoMO effect.

How to reduce the effect. Remember that the ticking clock is the easiest of all manipulations.

If you are still worried that there will be no discount after 3 hours, close the page and set the timer for two hours. When it rings, you most likely won’t even remember what you wanted to buy by clicking on the intrusive link.

Trick #3

Bonuses for those who decide first. If you become one of the first 10, 50, 100 customers, you will receive a bonus - points, a nice souvenir, a sampler or a certificate.

You turn on: “Well, since I was thinking about buying it anyway, why miss the opportunity to receive a gift?”

How to reduce the effect. It is useful to ask yourself, would you buy what is offered to you as a gift for the full price? If not, then this thing has no special value for you and should not influence your decision to buy.

Trick #4

Interactive and competitive spirit. The best example is Booking.com. Whenever you go to check the offers, you will be informed that there is only one number left, and now six users of the service are viewing this option.

The message "just booked" appears intermittently. There is a feeling of a race for the best numbers and prices.

When the booking confirmation arrives, it looks like you've beaten those six losers who were interested in the same offer.

How to reduce the effect. Prescribe criteria and budget in advance. If you buy something on sites like Booking, Amazon, AliExpress, which use the FoMO effect with might and main, write down in advance exactly what you need and how much you can spend.

Use an ad blocker, it will filter out at least some of the pop-up offers and reminders.

Trick #5

Shortage. Product ends! The next one will be more expensive or not available at all. Don't miss, don't miss the opportunity.

Scarcity affects people with fear of missing out. Often, several tricks are used to emphasize the scarcity - this means that it is much more difficult to resist buying.

How to reduce the effect. Check out other sites with similar products or see if there are similar events coming up soon.

Breathe deeply - take four deep breaths in and out in one minute. This will calm your heartbeat and help you evaluate the proposal more soberly.

How to Overcome FoMO: Questions to Ask Yourself

In order to overcome the disease of missed opportunities, at least for a while, forget about the potential losses from what you do not do. Focus on real bonuses from what you do. To cope with this will help questions that can conditionally be divided into into four groups.

About priorities

What are my priorities? What works to achieve my goals, and what prevents me from achieving what I want? Is this really what I want to do now? If I decide to do this (go there, buy that), how will it affect my main goals?

FoMO syndrome can be fought only by realizing your true desires. Whether you're thinking of jumping into running, dropping everything and going on vacation, or taking a shooting class, think about your goals and think about how these actions will help you achieve them.

Sometimes FoMO turns on, reminding us of what we really want. Someone left for a year on courses that you were also going to, but did not reach. Someone has learned to keep a diary of expenses and saved for a dream trip.

These are good examples, but you can't follow them all at the same time. The desire for success is contagious, but it's impossible to achieve all your goals and visit all the places in a weekend.

Impulse

Do I want this or do I just think someone else made a better choice? Whose experience or choice led me to do it (buy it)?

Missed opportunity syndrome is not born out of a desire to copy someone else's choice. And from the fact that someone does not what you do.

This reminds you that there are many alternatives and that your choice may not be the best. This is how the foundation of FoMO is laid: uncertainty about one's own decisions.

Unfortunately, there is no way to quickly deal with this feeling. It is important to understand yourself and respect your preferences. Compare yourself to yourself, not to someone else's perfect instagram image.

Workload

Do I get enough rest? Or am I so tired that I see in every sentence an opportunity to please myself and relax?

A Canadian university conducted a study that showed that the higher the workload during the day, the more pronounced the syndrome of lost profits in the evening.

Students who completed more tasks per day reported that it was more difficult for them to deal with FoMO.

At the same time, the level of FoMO did not depend on whether the student was an extrovert or introvert, and whether he had other neurotic manifestations.

But fatigue, lack of sleep, overload increased the obsessive fear of missing out on something important in almost all cases.

About the perception of reality

Am I satisfied with my life? Am I mixing reality and life that is shown in the media? Would I have gone to this event if it hadn't been possible to tell about it?

Of course, it's embarrassing to admit that you went to a new restaurant or went for a run partly to take a selfie.

Not all of our hobbies and goals are so trendy and progressive as to collect hundreds of likes. Likes and comments work like rewards, triggering the release of dopamine. You can compare them with sweet or fatty foods.

Social approval triggers a kind of gamification of our reality. By engaging in certain activities, visiting some places and events, buying fashionable things, we seem to earn points.

In order to effectively deal with the syndrome of missed profit, you need to relax, know your goals, be critical of the content from social networks, respect your desires and your choices.

Give yourself permission not to chase after every opportunity that comes your way. This way you will become happier and more quickly achieve success in what is really important to you.

#PR and advertising #Personality #Marketing #Self-development

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Disease of the XXI century: FOMO, or Fear of missing out on something interesting

You are on your first date, and it looks like there will be a second and a third. He laughs at your jokes, you feel good here and now, and it doesn’t even occur to you that somewhere it can be as good as with him. Or imagine that you are in a store painfully deciding which bag to buy - Céline or Chloé. This is very important, so you are not in a hurry. Or quite banal: you are on the couch, in pajamas and with popcorn, watching the movie "Melancholia", because the husband, who firmly said that this nightmare would not be in his house, went on a business trip.

What else can you dream of?

But then the phone beeps. A friend on Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) made a post - she is in St. Petersburg at a party where everyone gathered! Then someone wrote about the concert of the group, which for the first and probably the last time came to Moscow. And you didn’t go on a business trip, no one writes from there, but there, too, something radically important for your career must be happening right now. All. You can think of nothing else - because you are sure that you are missing out on a pleasure that the whole city will then talk about. Losing your chance!

Hello, this is FOMO. But this is not just your shortcoming - a good half of humanity has become infected with it. Fear of Missing Out - the fear of being on the sidelines of something interesting - has always been with us, but escalated thanks to social networks, when everyone was in the know with friends and strangers. Psychologists say that the signs of FOMO are increased anxiety, irritation and envy that rise in you in response to other people's social media statuses.

Those who were children encountered FOMO back then. Architect Maria recalls how she suffered at the age of five: “I was sent to bed at nine. The most interesting things began for the elders at this time. I remember how I sobbed from a feeling of loneliness and resentment that everyone was watching Stirlitz on TV, and they threw me out of the pack because they didn’t like me.

In her thirties, Maria feels the same disgusting feeling, if she is not lulled by a wave of messages from Twitter, Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia), Google+. Now you need to try hard not to be aware of which of your followers got married, was born, with whom he spent his vacation and how much money he spent yesterday in a restaurant. In general, all this is a heap of information, from which, in fact, you are neither warm nor cold, but for some reason terribly curious.

After watching other people's posts, willy-nilly, you begin to compare your life with someone else's. And then all the children's complexes, grievances and unrealized dreams come up.

FOMO has a lot of pitfalls. The most obvious - devoting a lot of time to viewing posts that multiply like mushrooms after rain, we forget about real communication. For example, in the flow of information, we forget to call our mother (she is not on Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia), which means she does not remind of herself). If it constantly seems to us that the grass is greener on the other side, then it is unlikely that we will be able to live without harming our emotional state - our ears are always waiting for letters about what is happening “out there”.

“We are constantly scanning the space looking for something to distract us with, be it a text, an email, or a phone call. Dopamine receptors are excited - we are in a state of permanent anticipation of something new and, it seems to us, more interesting than what we are currently going to do, ”explains Gary Small, one of the leading US neuropsychologists, professor of psychiatry at the University of California at Los Angeles and bestselling author of iBrain: Surviving the Technological Alteration of the Modern Mind.

But we really have something to distract ourselves with. Researchers at the University of California have calculated that the average computer user opens new "windows" on their monitor at least 37 times per hour. We spend one minute out of every five online in social networks, and in total we visit more than forty sites a day. As a result, we use technology for at least 12 hours a day - most of the time when we are not sleeping.

According to a recent survey of 500 American students, 38% of them pick up something with access to the Internet at least once every 10 minutes. Many suffer from "email apnea" - a disorder that, according to scientists, many modern people have (many, however, do not suspect this). According to Linda Stone, a former top manager at Microsoft and Apple, who is now closely involved in the study of cognitive disorders in computer users, many of us unconsciously hold our breath while reading email and stop blinking normally, which affects our eyes ( see also : "8 diseases of office workers").

American Express also conducted a survey, and it turned out that 79% of vacationers take a laptop with them. Of these, 72% regularly check email, 27% use social media, and 25% read the news.

Sherri Turkle, a science and technology specialist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), recently published Alone Together, a book about what virtual intimacy does to real life experiences. Professor Turkle swears she was at a funeral where people were checking their smartphones...

Internet producer Irina has to constantly check several Twitter accounts and develop promotion strategies in social networks. The work left its mark - now Ira's friends reproach her for digging into her Blackberry all the time. “I know it's rude to friends,” says Irina. - I really constantly hang out on Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) and on Twitter. Yes, I have an addiction. And it all started when I got divorced and wanted to know how and how other, happier people live. But I don't see anything wrong with that. But in any company I can keep up the conversation - I have something to tell.

Irina likes that there is an element of spying in all this: “It's always interesting to see what's going on in someone else's bedroom!”. But sometimes FOMO still poisons life even for such skeptics as Irina: “Sometimes I look at photographs of the children and husbands of my friends, while I myself sit alone on the sofa with a bottle of red wine and think: my God! .. When are you over thirty, Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) turns into a babybook, with photos from the series “my wonderful baby”” ( see also : "I'm better: what we constantly compete with other women").

Australian sociologist and writer Hugh McKay says that FOMO has been around for as long as humans on Earth: “We're seeing a basic human instinct – the desire to join a group. If we look at a primitive tribe or a medieval village, we find the same fear there. Because the society in which we live is, as it were, an extension of ourselves. Only the speed has changed - before, it was enough for us to receive information every day. Today we want updates every minute. But if you don’t have FOMO at all, this is not normal, it deprives you of the tool that makes you make new acquaintances, maintain old ones, and communicate in general.”

Without FOMO, it's hard to keep yourself afloat in a world where jobs are sought through friends. And it's not easy to find a new love without him. On the other hand, it has now grown so much that a whole generation of people has appeared who are afraid to be alone with themselves. “When we are constantly bombarded with new information, we do not have time to think qualitatively about something of our own, because it requires solitude. All this leads to a kind of counter-revolution,” McKay predicts. “In the end, we will escape from the hectic life under the yoke of FOMO, but it will take a whole generation before people can adapt to the new.”

Dr. Darryl Cross, a clinical and social psychologist based in Adelaide, talks about teenagers who run home after school to read what classmates have written about them on Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) “Now we are investigating how this affects their everyday relationships. After all, success in personal life is the result of practice. We need to learn how to treat flesh and blood people well, and if we communicate with them only online, then what benefit does this bring to our social relations?

Ksenia Chilingarova, journalist, blogger: “My father always knew how to be a public person – without any Facebook”

Once an hour I check Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) and Twitter. Psychologically, I probably could do without all this, but I do it because I consciously decided to become a public person. My father has always been very good at this, and without any Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia), he cannot even send sms properly. But he knows how to tell the world about his actions. He even seduced my mother at one time on the beach in Sochi - he showed her the Ogonyok magazine, where he has a frozen beard.

But he became a truly public person when he received the Hero of the Soviet Union and decided to go into politics (Xenia's father is Artur Chilingarov, Arctic and Antarctic researcher, State Duma deputy. - MC note). He is not afraid to stand aside - he just perfectly understands that in the modern world, any of your important business is worthless if you do not invite journalists with you. I have it from him. I am also not afraid to miss anything, because I do everything in such a way that I do not miss anything. The Diary of a Call Girl had such an effect on me: a woman lived for herself, worked as a microbiologist during the day, and at night as a prostitute - because she liked to dress well. And she blogged about all this, then made a book out of the blog, then made a film.

I also started blogging on Livejournal, my name is ksuchili. And then I got hooked on Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) - I have 2,000 friends there, but I understand that in real life I communicate with a hundred at the most. Although I love to approach a person and tell him: “Hello, my Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) friend.” This is how I met Sveta Bondarchuk - I sent her a personal message and offered my services.

Why I do not let go of the iPhone is understandable, but it infuriates me when people hide behind the phone from living people. Once I went up to my friends to say hello, and among them sat one who did not even raise his head from the screen. And after all, he knows who I am, but, apparently, he flies so high that he is not up to politeness. But nothing, I also have Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia), and if I wish, I can create such popularity for him in one second that it won’t seem enough. The Internet, of course, eliminates the fear of missing out on something interesting, but it gives rise to another fear - that something so interesting from your life will seep into it that you would rather not show it to everyone. Dima (Ksenia's husband - violinist Dmitry Kogan. - approx. MC), for example, flew from Khabarovsk, and the friends with whom he was sitting in the VIP room asked him to play "Murka". And he is such a person - he took out a violin and played. Feel sorry for him, or what, for the sake of fun?! And of course, someone secretly filmed it and posted it on YouTube. He was not upset, but just in case, I told him anyway: “There is no bad PR” ( see also : "How to ruin a career with one post on the social network: 17 real stories").

Tatyana Rogachenko, owner of Jean Louis David salons: “To be late, to enter the last carriage are the two main fears of my biography”

It is always difficult to talk about your fears. I'll be 45 in a couple of hours! Two in the morning, but I can't sleep. I recently returned, entered my apartment, filled with my favorite white flowers. She lit the candles, poured herself some champagne, and sat down in thought in front of her friend, the computer.

What do I want to do and what am I afraid to miss? Every birthday starts a new year in my life. And it depends on me how I live this life. I look at myself from the outside. Beautiful, successful, famous... I have what others can only dream of. And in my arsenal there are many things that others dream of never having in their lives.

Seize the moment! - they tell us from childhood. And we try to follow this instruction. Now I often say to my children and employees: “Whoever didn’t have time, he was late!” To be late, to enter the last car - were my main fears in my professional life.

“If you love, then the queen, if you steal, then a million” - for many years this was the rule of my personal life. Achieving success was like playing a game where the prize was an extra adrenaline rush. Apparently I was overconfident.

Choice is the luxury of having what you want. When we get involved in the process of achieving it, then the program of fear of not being in time, of missing out on what you dream of, is launched. For example, I did not want to get married because I was afraid of losing my freedom and the ability to make my own decisions. And she was also afraid of losing fans, existing and potential. And I was also afraid of making the wrong choice.

Now it seems to me that if I don't change, I won't be happy. I don't make dreams come true. I won't make plans. I am still afraid that if I am not active, smart and intelligent, my plans will not come true.

Am I really afraid? My fears are relative. Sometimes I’m afraid that I won’t be able to or won’t be able to, and then I ask myself the question: “Do I need this? Will it change my life?" And often I understand that I am afraid of my own invented fears.

It remains to learn to live for today. Rejoice in him and understand that this day is the best. That while you wait for radical changes, life passes. That today is the best thing that can happen to us.

It's good that the days pass, and with them my fears pass and go, which prevent me from living and enjoying this process. Just be!

Ksenia Naumova, journalist: “I am happy with my way of life – I can show up at five addresses overnight”

We are sitting with a group of friends. Someone casually mentions that they were at Isaac Correa's new pizzeria the other day. The company is divided into two camps - the faces of those who have already been there light up with victorious smiles, on the faces of everyone else - annoyance and shame. There are no indifferent.

My friends on Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) race to subscribe to the pages of all the new clubs, restaurants, sandwich shops, skating rinks, and even sausages, if only the place promises to be fashionable this season. I hold on until I see the institution in person, but I consider it my duty to carefully review the list of those who have already signed up.

Why did I buy an iPhone? This is an opportunity to get featured in five places a day via Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia), Foursquare or some Altereo. This disease - "forgotten, not called" - affects everyone, from fifteen to forty. But there are more ways to jump on the outgoing train.

In my opinion, FOMO is the most common neurosis that Freud has ever treated. But any neurosis, as you know, is provoked from the outside. In this case, the behavior of active urban residents.

If it goes like this, we will soon wake up at night in a cold sweat - what if now somewhere without us they are juggling free cocktails and rubbing their elbows with fashionable artists? Get under the covers with a laptop, check who checked in where. All my friends are already at the bar, at Gipsy, but they didn't invite me!

We smuggle this hysterical state across the border from Moscow, and how pleased we are to find comrades with a diagnosis among foreigners! Before a trip, no one reads guidebooks anymore - everyone finds out through their own where the most correct public of the city gathers. A calm restaurant that opened five years ago is no longer tempting, even though it is tasty there. A good bar at the hotel is no longer interesting. Give us semi-basement addresses where there will be not a single tourist besides us, but there will be all the fashionable elite of Berlin, Paris or New York. We even book accommodation only through Airbnb - it's a way to meet cool guys! Hooray! We are in a party!

And then, having barely taken the first sip of Moscow Mule in a London bar, the address of which was given to us through a familiar DJ, we already imagine how we will tell that the whole world is now drinking Moscow Mule, and the best bar in Berlin is Neue Odessa, and to enjoy how the interlocutors are disarmed by our awareness.

I'm not kidding, because I sincerely love this way of life. I just get tired. And I am terribly happy on Friday, when I manage to overcome this very FOMO and, smeared with a night cream, go to bed at eleven. What could be nicer than waking up on Saturday to the sun shining, pouring a cup of green tea and thinking about when to go to yoga?

But in the evening Internet addicts wake up, start posting, checking in and sending invitations. And it starts: with one hand you stomp on the iPhone, with the other you paint your eyelashes, thinking about how to make it to three parties a night. Then, secretly from your own conscience, you go to Look At Me - it turns out that there are not three parties, but five! In general, there is no rest - to hang out and flicker. And then you miss something. And then you fly somewhere.

Daria Petrakova, public relations specialist: “My offline childhood made me terribly punctual”

Loading the Facebook page again (an extremist organization banned in Russia). This is already "purely nervous." I remember how, as a child, on the morning before the New Year's concert, I had a fever. Itchy in the throat, raspberries are brewed, woolen socks bite the heels and somewhere in the area of ​​​​the solar plexus an annoying buzzes: “Eh, I won’t be there ...” And it seems to be nothing terrible, because the New Year and next year will come. But all the same, you imagine Santa Claus with a bag of gifts, and the Snow Maiden in a kokoshnik, and the dance of snowflakes ... It will be the best holiday in the world!

In my childhood and youth, what tormented me the most was not even the fact that I missed something important, but the burning innocence. It was possible to find out how what happened only from the words of eyewitnesses or after funny faces were printed on photographs. What if they don't want to talk? Or will they tell, but only to selected girls? And now, in addition to all possible social networks, there are also communities, circles, forums, work networks - and everywhere I am chosen, everyone tells me everything. Our careers, personal relationships and travels can be followed by anyone. And vice versa. But I am quite sure - pixels and megabytes unite. Now you can find people you could only dream of meeting in the “Wait for me” program, you can contact anyone, anywhere and from anywhere. Unless, of course, you get to the Internet. And the feeling that you missed everything doesn’t hurt so much when you look at photos, videos and manage to read friends’ comments about who drank and with whom.

And it all started with harmless emails! I do remember how it used to be. How to fill out questionnaires in school notebooks. How they didn’t find out at first who and where is now walking, but they themselves went to “prayed” places - to see who gathered there today (this was the passion of a hunter - to go around all the cafes around the institute and find friends there). As agreed for sure, because it was impossible to send sms from a pay phone. The offline past has instilled in me a sense of responsibility - if we agreed on Saturday at five at the zoo, I will come on Saturday at five to the zoo. But I noticed that for those who are younger than me, this simply means that on Saturday at about five you need to phone, and plans can be adjusted at least twenty times along the way.

All this means that etiquette is changing.

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