Fear of friends

NIMH » Social Anxiety Disorder: More Than Just Shyness

Are you afraid of being judged by others? Are you self-conscious in everyday social situations? Do you avoid meeting new people due to fear or anxiety? If you have been feeling this way for at least 6 months and these feelings make it hard for you to do everyday tasks—such as talking to people at work or school—you may have social anxiety disorder.

Social anxiety disorder is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. This fear can affect work, school, and other daily activities. It can even make it hard to make and keep friends. The good news is social anxiety disorder is treatable. Learn more about the symptoms of social anxiety disorder and how to find help.

What is social anxiety disorder?

Social anxiety disorder is a common type of anxiety disorder. A person with social anxiety disorder feels symptoms of anxiety or fear in situations where they may be scrutinized, evaluated, or judged by others, such as speaking in public, meeting new people, dating, being on a job interview, answering a question in class, or having to talk to a cashier in a store. Doing everyday things, such as eating or drinking in front of others or using a public restroom, also may cause anxiety or fear due to concerns about being humiliated, judged, and rejected.

The fear that people with social anxiety disorder have in social situations is so intense that they feel it is beyond their control. For some people, this fear may get in the way of going to work, attending school, or doing everyday things. Other people may be able to accomplish these activities but experience a great deal of fear or anxiety when they do. People with social anxiety disorder may worry about engaging in social situations for weeks before they happen. Sometimes, they end up avoiding places or events that cause distress or generate feelings of embarrassment.

Some people with the disorder do not have anxiety related to social interactions but have it during performances instead. They feel symptoms of anxiety in situations such as giving a speech, competing in a sports game, or playing a musical instrument on stage.

Social anxiety disorder usually starts during late childhood and may resemble extreme shyness or avoidance of situations or social interactions. It occurs more frequently in females than in males, and this gender difference is more pronounced in adolescents and young adults. Without treatment, social anxiety disorder can last for many years, or even a lifetime.

What are the signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder?

When having to perform in front of or be around others, people with social anxiety disorder may:

Blush, sweat, or tremble.
Have a rapid heart rate.
Feel their “mind going blank,” or feel sick to their stomach.
Have a rigid body posture, or speak with an overly soft voice.
Find it difficult to make eye contact, be around people they don’t know, or talk to people in social situations, even when they want to.
Feel self-consciousness or fear that people will judge them negatively.
Avoid places where there are other people.

What causes social anxiety disorder?

Risk for social anxiety disorder may run in families, but no one knows for sure why some family members have it while others don’t. Researchers have found that several parts of the brain are involved in fear and anxiety and that genetics influences how these areas function. By studying how the brain and body interact in people with social anxiety disorder, researchers may be able to create more targeted treatments. In addition, researchers are looking at the ways stress and environmental factors play a role in the disorder.

How is social anxiety disorder treated?

If you’re concerned you may have symptoms of social anxiety disorder, talk to a health care provider. After discussing your history, a health care provider may conduct a physical exam to ensure that an unrelated physical problem is not causing your symptoms. A health care provider may refer you to a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, psychologist, or clinical social worker. The first step to effective treatment is to get a diagnosis, usually from a mental health professional.

Social anxiety disorder is generally treated with psychotherapy (sometimes called “talk therapy”), medication, or both. Speak with a health care provider about the best treatment for you.

Psychotherapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a research-supported type of psychotherapy, is commonly used to treat social anxiety disorder. CBT teaches you different ways of thinking, behaving, and reacting to situations to help you feel less anxious and fearful. CBT also can help you learn and practice social skills, which is very important for treating social anxiety disorder. CBT has been well studied and is the gold standard for psychotherapy.

Exposure therapy is a CBT method that focuses on progressively confronting the fears underlying an anxiety disorder to help you engage in activities you have been avoiding. Exposure therapy is sometimes used along with relaxation exercises. CBT delivered in a group therapy format also can offer unique benefits for social anxiety disorder.

Another treatment option for social anxiety disorder is acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). ACT takes a different approach than CBT to negative thoughts and uses strategies such as mindfulness and goal setting to reduce your discomfort and anxiety. Compared to CBT, ACT is a newer form of psychotherapy treatment, so less data are available on its effectiveness. However, different therapies work for different types of people, so it can be helpful to discuss what form of therapy may be right for you with a mental health professional.

For more information on psychotherapy, visit the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) psychotherapies webpage.

Medication

Health care providers may prescribe medication to treat social anxiety disorder. Different types of medication can be effective in treating this disorder, including:

Antidepressants, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs)
Beta-blockers
Anti-anxiety medications, such as benzodiazepines

SSRI and SNRI antidepressants are commonly used to treat depression, but they also can help treat the symptoms of social anxiety disorder. They may take several weeks to start working. Antidepressants may also cause side effects, such as headaches, nausea, or difficulty sleeping. These side effects are usually not severe, especially if the dose starts off low and is increased slowly over time. Talk to your health care provider about any side effects that you may experience.

Beta-blockers can help control some of the physical symptoms of social anxiety disorder, such as rapid heart rate, sweating, and tremors. Beta-blockers are commonly the medication of choice for the “performance anxiety” type of social anxiety disorder.

Benzodiazepines, which are anti-anxiety sedative medications, are powerful and begin working right away to reduce anxious feelings. These medications can be very effective in rapidly decreasing anxiety, but some people build up a tolerance to them and need higher and higher doses to get the same effect. Some people even become dependent on them. Therefore, a health care provider may prescribe them only for brief periods of time if you need them.

Both psychotherapy and medication can take some time to work. Many people try more than one medication before finding the best one for them. A health care provider can work with you to find the best medication, dose, and duration of treatment for you. People with social anxiety disorder usually obtain the best results with a combination of medication and CBT or other psychotherapies.

For basic information about these and other mental health medications, visit NIMH’s Mental Health Medications webpage. Visit the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) website for the latest warnings, patient medication guides, and information on newly approved medications.

Support Groups

Many people with social anxiety find support groups helpful. In a group of people who all have social anxiety disorder, you can receive unbiased, honest feedback about how others in the group see you. This way, you can learn that your thoughts about judgment and rejection are not true or are distorted. You also can learn how others with social anxiety disorder approach and overcome the fear of social situations.

Support groups are available both in person and online. However, any advice you receive from a support group member should be used cautiously and does not replace treatment recommendations from a health care provider.

Both psychotherapy and medication can take some time to work. A healthy lifestyle also can help combat anxiety. Make sure to get enough sleep and exercise, eat a healthy diet, and turn to family and friends who you trust for support. To learn more ways to take care of your mental health, visit NIMH’s Caring for Your Mental Health webpage.

How can I support myself and others with social anxiety disorder?

Educate Yourself

A good way to help yourself or a loved one who may be struggling with social anxiety disorder is to seek information. Research the warning signs, learn about treatment options, and keep up to date with current research.

Communicate

If you are experiencing social anxiety disorder symptoms, have an honest conversation about how you’re feeling with someone you trust. If you think that a friend or family member may be struggling with social anxiety disorder, set aside a time to talk with them to express your concern and reassure them of your support.

Know When to Seek Help

If your anxiety, or the anxiety of a loved one, starts to cause problems in everyday life—such as avoiding social situations at school, at work, or with friends and family—it’s time to seek professional help. Talk to a health care provider about your mental health.

Are there clinical trials studying social anxiety disorder?

NIMH supports a wide range of research, including clinical trials that look at new ways to prevent, detect, or treat diseases and conditions—including social anxiety disorder. Although individuals may benefit from being part of a clinical trial, participants should be aware that the primary purpose of a clinical trial is to gain new scientific knowledge so that others may be better helped in the future.

Researchers at NIMH and around the country conduct clinical trials with patients and healthy volunteers. Talk to a health care provider about clinical trials, their benefits and risks, and whether one is right for you. For more information, visit NIMH's clinical trials webpage.

Finding Help

Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator

This online resource, provided by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), helps you locate mental health treatment facilities and programs. Find a facility in your state by searching SAMHSA’s online Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator. For additional resources, visit NIMH's Help for Mental Illnesses webpage.

Talking to a Health Care Provider About Your Mental Health

Communicating well with a health care provider can improve your care and help you both make good choices about your health. Find tips to help prepare for and get the most out of your visit at Taking Control of Your Mental Health: Tips for Talking With Your Health Care Provider. For additional resources, including questions to ask a provider, visit the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality website.

If you or someone you know is in immediate distress or is thinking about hurting themselves, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline toll-free at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You also can text the Crisis Text Line (HELLO to 741741) or use the Lifeline Chat on the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website.

Reprints

This publication is in the public domain and may be reproduced or copied without permission from NIMH. We encourage you to reproduce and use NIMH publications in your efforts to improve public health. If you do use our materials, we request that you cite the National Institute of Mental Health. To learn more about using NIMH publications, please contact the NIMH Information Resource Center at 1-866‑615‑6464, email [email protected], or refer to NIMH’s reprint guidelines.

For More Information

MedlinePlus (National Library of Medicine) (en español)

ClinicalTrials.gov (en español)

U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES
National Institutes of Health
NIH Publication No. 22-MH-8083
Revised 2022

Social Phobia (for Teens) - Nemours KidsHealth

What Is Social Phobia?

It's natural to feel self-conscious, nervous, or shy in front of others at times. Most people get through these moments when they need to. But for some, the anxiety that goes with feeling shy or self-conscious can be extreme.

When people feel so self-conscious and anxious that it prevents them from speaking up or socializing most of the time, it's probably more than shyness. It may be an anxiety condition called social phobia (also called social anxiety).

What Happens When Someone Has Social Phobia?

Extreme feelings of shyness and self-consciousness build into a powerful fear. As a result, a person feels uncomfortable participating in everyday social situations.

People with social phobia can usually interact easily with family and a few close friends. But meeting new people, talking in a group, or speaking in public can cause their extreme shyness to kick in.

With social phobia, a person's extreme shyness, self-consciousness, and fears of embarrassment get in the way of life. Instead of enjoying social activities, people with social phobia might dread them — and avoid some of them altogether.

What Causes Social Phobia?

Like other phobias, social phobia is a fear reaction to something that isn't actually dangerous — although the body and mind react as if the danger is real. This means that someone feels physical sensations of fear, like a faster heartbeat and breathing. These are part of the body's fight–flight response. They're caused by a rush of adrenaline and other chemicals that prepare the body to either fight or make a quick getaway.

This biological mechanism kicks in when we feel afraid. It's a built-in nervous system response that alerts us to danger so we can protect ourselves. With social phobia, this response gets activated too often, too strongly, and in situations where it's out of place. Because the physical sensations that go with the response are real — and sometimes quite strong — the danger seems real too. So the person will react by freezing up, and will feel unable to interact.

As the body experiences these physical sensations, the mind goes through emotions like feeling afraid or nervous.

People with social phobia tend to interpret these sensations and emotions in a way that leads them to avoid the situation ("Uh-oh, my heart's pounding, this must be dangerous — I'd better not do it!"). Someone else might interpret the same physical sensations of nervousness a different way ("OK, that's just my heart beating fast. It's me getting nervous because it's almost my turn to speak. It happens every time. No big deal.").

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What Fears Are Involved?

With social phobia, a person's fears and concerns are focused on their social performance — whether it's a major class presentation or small talk at the lockers.

People with social phobia tend to feel self-conscious and uncomfortable about being noticed or judged by others. They're more sensitive to fears that they'll be embarrassed, look foolish, make a mistake, or be criticized or laughed at. No one wants to go through these things. But most people don't really spend much time worrying about it. The fear and anxiety are out of proportion to the situation.

How Can Social Phobia Affect Someone's Life?

With social phobia, thoughts and fears about what others think get exaggerated in someone's mind. The person starts to focus on the embarrassing things that could happen, instead of the good things. This makes a situation seem much worse than it is, and influences a person to avoid it.

Some of the ways social phobia can affect someone's life include:

Feeling lonely or disappointed over missed opportunities for friendship and fun. Social phobia might prevent someone from chatting with friends in the lunchroom, joining an after-school club, going to a party, or asking someone on a date.
Not getting the most out of school. Social phobia might keep a person from volunteering an answer in class, reading aloud, or giving a presentation. Someone with social phobia might feel too nervous to ask a question in class or go to a teacher for help.
Missing a chance to share their talents and learn new skills. Social phobia might prevent someone from auditioning for the school play, being in the talent show, trying out for a team, or joining in a service project. Social phobia not only prevents people from trying new things. It also prevents them from making the normal, everyday mistakes that help people improve their skills still further.

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What Is Selective Mutism?

Some kids and teens are so extremely shy and so fearful about talking to others, that they don't speak at all to some people (such as a teacher or students they don't know) or in certain places (like at someone else's house). This form of social phobia is sometimes called selective mutism.

People with selective mutism can talk. They have completely normal conversations with the people they're comfortable with or in certain places. But other situations cause them such extreme anxiety that they may not be able to bring themselves to talk at all.

Some people might mistake their silence for a stuck-up attitude or rudeness. But with selective mutism and social phobia, silence stems from feeling uncomfortable and afraid, not from being uncooperative, disrespectful, or rude.

Why Do Some People Develop Social Phobia?

Kids, teens, and adults can have social phobia. Most of the time, it starts when a person is young. Like other anxiety-based problems, social phobia develops because of a combination of three factors:

A person's biological makeup. Social phobia could be partly due to the genes and temperament a person inherits. Inherited genetic traits from parents and other relatives can influence how the brain senses and regulates anxiety, shyness, nervousness, and stress reactions. Likewise, some people are born with a shy temperament and tend to be cautious and sensitive in new situations and prefer what's familiar. Most people who develop social phobia have always had a shy temperament.
Not everyone with a shy temperament develops social phobia (in fact, most don't). It's the same with genes. But people who inherit these traits do have an increased chance of developing social phobia.
Behaviors learned from role models (especially parents). A person's naturally shy temperament can be influenced by what he or she learns from role models. If parents or others react by overprotecting a child who is shy, the child won't have a chance to get used to new situations and new people. Over time, shyness can build into social phobia.
Shy parents might also unintentionally set an example by avoiding certain social interactions. A shy child who watches this learns that socializing is uncomfortable, distressing, and something to avoid.
Life events and experiences. If people born with a cautious nature have stressful experiences, it can make them even more cautious and shy. Feeing pressured to interact in ways they don't feel ready for, being criticized or humiliated, or having other fears and worries can make it more likely for a shy or fearful person to develop social anxiety.
People who constantly receive critical or disapproving reactions may grow to expect that others will judge them negatively. Being teased or bullied will make people who are already shy likely to retreat into their shells even more. They'll be scared of making a mistake or disappointing someone, and will be more sensitive to criticism.

The good news is that the effect of these negative experiences can be turned around with some focused slow-but-steady effort. Fear can be learned. And it can also be unlearned, too.

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Dealing With Social Phobia

People with social phobia can learn to manage fear, develop confidence and coping skills, and stop avoiding things that make them anxious. But it's not always easy. Overcoming social phobia means getting up the courage it takes to go beyond what's comfortable, little by little.

Here's who can support and guide people in overcoming social phobia:

Therapists can help people recognize the physical sensations caused by fight–flight and teach them to interpret these sensations more accurately. Therapists can help people create a plan for facing social fears one by one, and help them build the skills and confidence to do it. This includes practicing new behaviors. Sometimes, but not always, medications that reduce anxiety are used as part of the treatment for social phobia.
Family or friends are especially important for people who are dealing with social phobia. The right support from a few key people can help those with social phobia gather the courage to go outside their comfort zone and try something new.
Putdowns, lectures, criticisms, and demands to change don't help — and just make a person feel bad. Having social phobia isn't a person's fault and isn't something anyone chooses. Instead, friends and family can encourage people with social phobia to pick a small goal to aim for, remind them to go for it, and be there when they might feel discouraged. Good friends and family are there to celebrate each small success along the way.

Overcoming Social Phobia

Dealing with social phobia takes patience, courage to face fears and try new things, and the willingness to practice. It takes a commitment to go forward rather than back away when feeling shy.

Little by little, someone who decides to deal with extreme shyness can learn to be more comfortable. Each small step forward helps build enough confidence to take the next small step. As shyness and fears begin to melt, confidence and positive feelings build. Pretty soon, the person is thinking less about what might feel uncomfortable and more about what might be fun.

Reviewed by: Shirin Hasan, MD

Date reviewed: August 2018

why it appears and how to fight

April 15, 2022

15. 04

7 minutes

41382

The fear of communicating with people in psychology is called social phobia. Pathology negatively affects the quality of human life. He cannot express his opinion, defend a point of view, express feelings. A few simple exercises and advice from a psychologist will help you overcome your fear of talking to people.

Article content

Why there is a fear of communication
Main manifestations
How to overcome the fear of communication - advice from a psychologist
Psychotherapy in the treatment of fear of communication
FAQ
Expert opinion:

Why there is a fear of communication

To get rid of the fear of communication, you need to understand the reasons for its occurrence. People who are afraid to communicate are afraid of everything connected with society. These are conversations with strangers, attention and views of passers-by, public speaking, social events.

Social phobes do not like to be in the spotlight, they are constantly afraid to say something stupid, they think that they will be misunderstood.

Reasons for fear of communication:

parental overprotection;
fear of talking to strangers from father, mother, other close relatives;
strict upbringing, punishment, frequent criticism of parents;
negative performance experience;
speech defects;
inability to start a conversation;
poor vocabulary;
isolation, shyness, low self-esteem caused by destructive upbringing;
inability to trust people.

The fear of communication is based on education. Children consciously and unconsciously copy the behavior and way of thinking of their parents. A problem in communication often occurs in a child, but whom adults have shifted their problems and repressed needs. Our experts at a remote consultation will help you build the right model of family relationships. You can contact us at any convenient time.

Main manifestations

It is not difficult to recognize the fear of communication in yourself or a loved one, there are characteristic symptoms:

Shyness, timidity, shyness. These qualities do not allow expressing one's position, defending one's opinion, impede self-realization and the development of strong personal qualities.
Fenced off from everyone. Man isolates himself at an unconscious level. Because of what he seems to be alone, no one can help him. He ceases to hope for the help of others, in every possible way makes it clear that he does not trust the world and does not want to contact anyone. Considers himself a victim, stops fighting.
Feeling of own uniqueness. People who are afraid to communicate constantly think that they are being unfairly offended, do not understand, and consider themselves unrecognized geniuses. They do not want to analyze their own actions and actions, they blame others for everything.
Low self-esteem, unwillingness to understand that he also has strengths and positive qualities. Such people do not develop their talents and abilities, they are entirely focused only on shortcomings.
Avoidance of social contacts. Social phobes can stay home for weeks, avoid people in every possible way. In response, others begin to perceive such a person as not quite normal.
Fear of speaking in public.

Social phobia is manifested not only in the fear of talking to people. External signs of a pathological condition are also observed. Redness of the face, profuse sweating, hand tremor. Disturbed by bouts of nausea and frequent urge to urinate, a feeling of a lump in the throat when trying to start a conversation.

How to overcome the fear of communication - advice from a psychologist

To overcome the fear of communication, you need to eliminate dependence on other people's opinions, stop thinking that something is wrong with you and other people think badly of you.

Try to behave naturally, let others think and say what they want. It doesn't matter to you. Consciously catch the moment when an attack of self-flagellation arises and immediately suppress it. You can control your own thoughts and actions.

In the fight against the fear of communication, not everything turns out quickly and smoothly. But do not give up after failures. Eliminating phobias is hard work on yourself. But the effort will pay off handsomely.

Learn not to be afraid to talk to people:

Get rid of stiffness, don't be afraid to make eye contact, speak slowly, don't be afraid to be interrupted. During a conversation, the back should be even, movements should be smooth and measured. Don't cross your arms and legs
Fool the mind with body language. To feel confident, you need to act like a confident person. This rule also works in reverse. If you are afraid to talk, your body will give you away.
Scroll through your mind about the worst possible way to communicate with another person. Even if he thinks that you are an uninteresting and stupid interlocutor, nothing will change in your life. You don't have to please everyone.
Find an inspiring goal. This will help you resist fear, push the opinions of others into the background, become calmer.
Get out of your comfort zone. Stop communicating only with the same shy people on the forums, do not be afraid of live communication. Attend social events more often, observe how confident people behave, enter into a dialogue with them. Do not be afraid to communicate with new people, talk to a stranger in the store, at the entrance.
Organize a party and invite strangers to it. Come up with entertainment, take on the role of host.
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Any negative experience is also an experience. Just draw conclusions and move on.
Master meditation - this is one of the affordable and effective methods of dealing with various fears.
Don't be afraid to be yourself, be open about your feelings and desires. People who wear a mask are often misunderstood. By constantly adjusting to others, you will surround yourself with unnecessary people who do not accept and support you.
Get rid of the negativity, learn to enjoy the little things.
Start a conversation with a smile. This truth is familiar to us since childhood, but we often forget about it.
Rehearse your speech before public speaking. Practice alone or in the company of loved ones.
Do not overload speech with incomprehensible words, unique terms. Always speak only about what you understand. Think before you say something or answer a question. Read books to expand your vocabulary.

To be a confident and sociable person, you need to love, respect and appreciate yourself, give yourself gifts, not be afraid to tell the truth, be happy. Don't let others oppress you. If you are unable to develop these important feelings on your own, contact our specialists. At a remote consultation, you will receive clear recommendations on what and how to do.

Psychotherapy in the treatment of fear of communication

If the fear of communication prevents you from living and working normally, you need to contact a psychotherapist. With a slight manifestation of a phobia, sometimes 1-2 consultations are enough. But more often than not, people put off going to the doctor, which leads to an increase in the symptoms of social phobia.

In severe cases, it will take 6-12 months to eliminate the fear of communication.

Psychotherapy is an effective treatment for social phobia. The task is to eliminate anxiety, correct false forms of behavior, and teach relaxing techniques.

Psychotherapeutic methods:

Cognitive behavioral psychotherapy. It helps to evaluate the rules and messages that govern human reactions, rebuild mental images, eliminate the factors responsible for the incorrect interpretation of events.
Hypnosuggestive therapy. Helps a person to change the attitude to painful situations. Hypnotic immersion is used, in addition, the patient must train independently, following the doctor's recommendations.

Pharmaceutical preparations are used to treat social phobia. These are selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors, monoamine oxidase inhibitors, small antipsychotics, tranquilizers.

Pay attention! Most often, psychotherapy and drug treatment are used in combination. After successful therapy, anxiety decreases or disappears when performing actions in a social situation, clinical symptoms of depression and other concomitant disorders. The person ceases to avoid social activity.

FAQ

When can fear of communicating with people arise?

Most often, a phobia of communication with people begins to form in adolescents after encountering various social difficulties. Adolescents react very strongly to public opinion, they are constantly afraid of being different from everyone else, when communicating with the opposite sex, there is a fear of being rejected. Fear can arise after unsuccessful public speaking.

I am afraid to communicate with people, I am always lost if a stranger addresses me. How dangerous is it?

If you do not try to get rid of the fear of communication, the situation will only get worse. There will be problems with adaptation in society, employment, building personal relationships. People who avoid communication often develop alcohol and drug addiction, eating disorders. Gradually, a person is completely isolated from society, the risk of suicide increases.

Is it possible to get rid of the fear of communication?

If the fear of talking to people is weak, you can get rid of it yourself with the help of various psychological exercises, meditations and affirmations. But if the fear becomes a real social phobia, you need to contact a psychotherapist. In the treatment, psychotherapeutic methods are used, if necessary, drugs.

Expert opinion:

Pathological fear of communication with people leads to the formation of a neurotic type of personality development. But if you pay attention to the problem in a timely manner, in 90% of cases you can permanently get rid of social phobia or achieve a stable remission. To avoid relapse, it is necessary to regularly undergo psychotherapy sessions, follow all the doctor's recommendations, attend trainings to improve social and communication skills, stop using psychotropics and alcoholic beverages.

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Article author

Monakhova Albina Petrovna clinical psychologist

Experience 17 years

Consultations 1439

Articles 255

Specialist in clinical psychology. Help in finding tools for self-realization, working out beliefs, fears and anxieties. Work with self-attitude, internal boundaries, understanding of interaction with society through conscious personal changes.

2007 - 2008 MUS Children's polyclinic No. 4 - teacher psychologist
2008 - 2009Healthy Country LLC - Clinical Psychologist
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Sources

... Butler J. Overcoming social anxiety and shyness. Self help course. Part 1. - Constable and Robinson Ltd, 2007. - 121 p.
... Riemann F. Basic forms of fear / Per. with him. E.L. Gushansky. - M .: Aleteya, 1999. - 336 p.
... Sagalakova O.A., Truevtsev D.V. Cognitive-behavioral therapy of social phobia and anxiety-depressive disorders. - Tomsk: Tomsk University Press, 2009. — 206 p.

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Fear of relationships

Why Guilt Feels

10 exercises to help overcome the fear of communication

September 20, 2021Relationships

Be prepared for the fact that you will have to make new acquaintances.

Read poetry in public

One way to overcome shyness and fear of talking to people is to go out in public. Memorize a short poem (write it down on paper, save it as a note on your smartphone if you're really scared) and read it.

Do it in front of friends and family first, then try to go out and perform in front of strangers. Read expressively without lowering your head. So that you can be heard. Take a friend with you to be your support group.

You will notice that many people will smile and some will stop to listen. The rest will simply not pay attention to you - so is it worth worrying about?

If the fear is that others notice all the minor flaws, it is unjustified. You notice much more in yourself than others.

Try on a different image

Do you have a favorite character from a movie or book who communicates with people without any problems? Reincarnate in it for one day. Become an actor and get out of your role.

It's hard, but imagine that you just have to play this role. To make it easier, think like this: "Even if someone thinks something bad, it will not apply to me, but to my image."

Approach strangers with a request or question

Go to a mall or other crowded place and set yourself the task of approaching 20 people every three minutes and asking, for example, what time it is. A simple question that anyone can answer.

You can try something more complicated next time. For example, ask for help to fasten a chain around your neck or take a picture of you for a friend who lives in another country. You will be surprised how many people will be happy to help you.

But don't forget that you don't need an extra dose of stress. If you can't approach the person for more than a few minutes, switch to something else, but don't give up.

Walk a little and return to the exercise. With each new person, it will become easier for you to fulfill it.

Attend a crowded event

Go to a concert by a musical artist (it is desirable that the artist is of interest to you). Dance, treat your idol's fans with drinks and make new friends. It is much easier if there is already a topic for conversation and common interests.

Greet strangers

Say good morning when you go for coffee before work. Find out how the day went at the cashier of your store if you went to buy groceries in the evening.

If this is not a problem, try saying hello to a passer-by. Most likely, you will be answered with a greeting in return: what if you misunderstood? And for you, this is a small step towards overcoming fear.

Do something you think is absurd

If you are afraid of looking stupid because you will say or do something wrong, try doing it on purpose.

From the simplest - put on different socks. And let everyone see it. It is more difficult to say or do something obviously stupid consciously. Decide what seems awkward to you, choose the right place and time, and do it. Just remember that everything must be within the law.

Meet yourself

Set a goal of meeting five people per evening. Go to a bar, go to an exhibition or a museum and strike up a conversation with someone.

You can prepare a conversation plan in advance. If this is an exhibition, the task becomes even easier: share your impressions and find out what the other person thinks.

Again, you don't need any extra stress. If you usually feel uncomfortable interrupting a conversation (even though you want to), set a time limit. Let it be five minutes, after which you firmly but politely say to the interlocutor: “It was nice to meet you, but I have to go. Thank you for your time".

Think through the scenarios

You have already imagined the most pleasant thing that happened to you. Now we need to think about the opposite.

Think of the most stressful and difficult situation in your life related to communication. For example, an unsuccessful public speaking. Now imagine what you would do to save the situation if you went back in time.

This exercise will help you prepare for an upcoming important event. Think of different options: what could go wrong, what difficulties await. Remember everything you did before to take into account the mistakes and not make them in the future.

Compliment

Say nice things to people. If you see someone wearing a nice sweater, compliment them and ask, for example, where you can buy one. The person will be pleased, and you will understand that it is not so difficult to start a conversation.

If your colleague has a new hairstyle, let him know you've noticed. Compliment the master if you really liked it, but don't overdo it. Crude flattery is always obvious, so be sincere.

Practice in front of a mirror

Stand in front of a mirror and rehearse the upcoming dialogue. It is important to monitor emotions and body language.

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