Emotionally and mentally abusive relationships

What is emotional abuse? | The National Domestic Violence Hotline

“I don’t want you going out with them. I trust you; I just don’t trust them.”

“You know you can’t get anyone better than me. You are lucky to be with me.”

“Are you sure you want to eat that? I’m just attracted to someone who takes care of themselves.”

“You’re so dumb. I knew this would be over your head.”

Do any of these sentences sound familiar? If so, you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Many people hear the word “abuse” and think of physical violence. Physical abuse is one type of abuse, but it is certainly not the only one.

According to The Hotline’s 2020 Data, 95% of contacts stated they were experiencing emotional abuse. Emotional abuse may not be what most people think about when they picture abuse, but that does not make it any less real or less serious. Because of its subtleties, emotional abuse can be quite difficult to detect when it is being experienced. Emotional abuse is also a foundation for other forms of abuse. Often, it is used erode a person’s self-esteem and self-worth and create a psychological dependency on the abusive partner. Let’s look at what emotional abuse is and how to know if emotional abuse is present in your relationship.

Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you. This may present in romantic relationships as threats, insults, constant monitoring, excessive jealousy, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, dismissiveness, among others. Sometimes emotional abuse is more obvious, like a partner yelling at you or calling you names. Other times it can be more subtle, like your partner acting jealous of your friends or not wanting you to hang out with someone of another gender. While these emotionally abusive behaviors do not leave physical marks, they do hurt, disempower, and traumatize the partner who is experiencing the abuse.

Over time, emotional abuse can wear down a person’s self-worth, confidence, and their mental and emotional strength.

It’s difficult to feel sure of yourself when a partner is demeaning, dismissing, and second-guessing you constantly. Additionally, when you care about someone and have invested time in the relationship with them, you want to believe the best of them, and you may convince yourself that you were overreacting in how you interpreted their hurtful actions or words. An emotionally abusive partner may try to gaslight you by telling you outright that you are overreacting, being dramatic, being too emotional, or that you can’t take a joke.

For these reasons and more, it can be tough to detect emotional abuse and see it as a dangerous concern. Even then, survivors of emotional abuse are often hesitant to seek help or tell friends and family about their relationship concerns because they fear they will not be believed or taken seriously. Nonetheless, emotional abuse is serious, and it is not uncommon for emotional abuse to escalate to physical violence. In some relationships this escalation to physical abuse is slow, and in others it can happen rapidly.

So how do you know if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship?

Here are some red flags:

Your partner name calls you or demeans you.
Your partner tries to control you, your time, and your actions.
Your partner tells you what to do and what to wear.
Your partner often makes you feel silly or dumb.
Your partner questions your reality and says that things that you know happened didn’t happen. This is called gaslighting.
Your partner is critical of your appearance.
Your partner is jealous of time spent with your friends or family.
Your partner punishes you by withholding attention or affection.
Your partner doesn’t want you hanging out with someone of another gender.
Your partner makes threats to hurt you or others to get what they want.
Your partner wants you to ask for permission before doing something or spending time with other people.
Your partner monitors where you go and stalks your whereabouts.
Your partner doesn’t want you to work.
Your partner embarrasses you in public.
Your partner does not trust you and acts possessive.
Your partner threatens breaking up or divorce to manipulate an argument.
Your partner wants access to your phone, your passwords, or your social media.
Your partner threatens suicide during arguments.
Your partner is constantly accusing you of cheating.
Your partner blames you for their unhealthy/abusive behaviors.
Your partner makes you feel guilty or immature for not wanting to have sex.
Your partner overloads you with compliments and gifts, and then uses that to manipulate you later (love bombing).

If any of these red flags feel familiar to you, know that you do not deserve to be treated that way and that you are not alone. It can be hard to decide what your next step should be, after learning that your relationship is not healthy. You might consider reaching out to a trusted friend or family member to talk about what you have been going through. You can also reach out to our Hotline advocates to talk about next steps and options available to you.

We are here 24/7 via phone, online chat, and text to provide you with education, support, and safety planning. The Hotline is completely free and confidential.

Answers shouldn’t be hard to find.

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What It Is and Signs to Watch For

You might be familiar with many of the obvious signs of emotional abuse and manipulation. But when you’re in an abusive situation, it’s easy to miss the subtle early signs that build up to a a persistent undercurrent of abusive behavior.

Emotional abuse involves attempts to frighten, control, or isolate you. This type of abuse doesn’t involve physical violence, though it might involve threats of violence directed toward you or your loved ones. It’s characterized by a person’s words, actions, and the consistency of these behaviors. Abuse may start gradually, but it happens again and again.

People of any age or gender can abuse or experience abuse. And abuse doesn’t just happen in the context of romantic relationships. The person abusing you could be your spouse or romantic partner — but they might also be your business partner, parent, caretaker, or even your adult child.

Regardless, you don’t deserve the abuse, and it’s definitely not your fault.

Continue reading to learn how to recognize the signs of emotional abuse and get some guidance on what to do next.

Someone abusing you may use different tactics to undermine your self-esteem.

Examples include:

Name-calling and derogatory nicknames. They’ll blatantly call you “stupid,” “a loser,” or use other insults. Maybe they use terms of “endearment” that actually highlight things you’re sensitive about — “my little nail biter” or “my chubby pumpkin” — and ignore your requests to stop.
Character assassination. This usually involves the word “always.” You’re always late, wrong, screwing up, disagreeable, and so on. They might say these things to you, or use them to describe your behavior to others.
Yelling. Screaming, yelling, and swearing can intimidate you and make you feel small and inconsequential. Maybe they never hit you, but they do pound their fist, throw things, or damage property.
Patronizing. They belittle you by saying things like, “I know you try, but this is just beyond the scope of your brain.”
Public embarrassment. They pick fights, share your secrets, or make fun of your shortcomings in public.
Dismissiveness. You share something important to you and they reply with, “What? Who cares about that?” Body language like eye rolling, smirking, head shaking, and sighing help convey the same message.
“Joking.” When you express discomfort with something they’ve said, they snap back, “Can’t you take a joke? Grow up. ” You’re left feeling foolish and wondering whether you are, in fact, too sensitive.
Insulting your appearance. As you head out, they stop you at the door. “You’re wearing that ridiculous outfit? No wonder you can’t get a date.” Or they constantly say you’re lucky they chose you, since they could find someone so much more attractive.
Belittling your accomplishments. They brush off your achievements, saying they don’t matter, or claim responsibility for your successes.
Putting down your interests. They suggest your hobby is a waste of time. “You’ll never be any good at the piano, so why do you keep trying?” Really, they’d rather you not participate in activities without them.
Pushing your buttons. Once they find something that annoys you or makes you uncomfortable, they begin to mention it every chance they get, ignoring your requests that they stop.

Abusive behavior relates to the desire to maintain power and control. Someone abusing you might attempt to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do, often by making you feel ashamed of your inadequacies.

They may try to control you by:

Making threats. They imply — or say outright — that they’ll fire you or report you for being an unfit parent. They might even say something like, “There’s no telling what I might do,” to keep things vague and leave you afraid.
Monitoring your whereabouts. They want to know where you are, always, and insist you respond to calls or texts immediately. They might show up at your work or school, just to check you did actually go there.
Spying on you digitally. They demand your passwords, or insist you go password-free, and regularly check your internet history, emails, texts, and call log.
Gaslighting. Someone abusing you may deny that specific events, arguments, or agreements ever happened. This tactic can leave you questioning your own memory, not to mention your mental health and well-being.
Making all the decisions. This might involve closing a joint bank account and canceling doctor’s appointments. They may insist you withdraw from school and resign from work — or do so on your behalf. Or maybe they tell you what to wear, what to eat (and how much), or which friends you can spend time with.
Controlling your access to finances. They keep bank accounts in their name and make you ask for money. They also expect you to keep your receipts and account for every penny you spend.
Emotional blackmailing. Someone using this tactic will attempt to get you to do things by manipulating your feelings. They might use tricky questions to “test” you, take on the role of victim, or try to guilt-trip you.

Lecturing you constantly. After you make a mistake, no matter how minor, they catalog all of your errors with a long monologue. They describe all the ways you’ve fallen short and make it clear they consider you beneath them.
Giving direct orders. From, “I don’t care what happened. You stay here until you get that client back, or you’re fired,” to “Stop taking the pill,” they expect you to do everything they say without question.
Having frequent outbursts. They told you to cancel that outing with your friend, or put the car in the garage, but you didn’t. So, they become enraged, angrily shouting about how inconsiderate and uncooperative you are.
Feigning helplessness. They say they don’t know how to do something, hoping you’ll simply do it yourself instead of taking the time to explain it.
Unpredictability. They explode for no clear reason, then suddenly shower you with affection. Or maybe their mood shifts from upbeat to dark and angry with little warning, leaving you never sure what to expect.
Walking out. A partner or parent might leave a social event suddenly, so you have no way home. A supervisor might exit during a discussion about your assignment, so your questions remain unresolved.
Stonewalling you. During a disagreement or conflict, they shut down, refusing to respond to your attempts to communicate.

People who abuse others often try to create a hierarchy that puts them at the top and you at the bottom.

Examples might include:

Jealousy. They accuse you of flirting or cheating, or say you’d spend all your time with them if you truly loved them.
Using guilt. They might try to guilt-trip you into doing something by saying things like, “You owe me this. Look at all I’ve done for you,” in an attempt to get their way.
Unrealistic expectations. They expect you to do what they want, when they want you to do it. They think you should always prioritize their needs, do things according to their standards — and you absolutely shouldn’t hang out with your friends or family if there’s any chance they might need you.
Goading and blaming. People who manipulate and abuse typically know just how to upset you. But once you do get upset, they pin the blame back on you — after all, it’s your fault for being so sensitive and incompetent.
Denying the abuse. When you express concerns about their behavior, they might deny it, seemingly bewildered at the very thought. They may even suggest you’re the one with anger and control issues, or say they only get angry because you’re such a difficult person.
Trivializing. When you explain how much something they said or did upset you and hurt your feelings, they accuse you of overreacting or misunderstanding the situation.
Blaming you for their problems. When things go wrong, they always blame you. If only you’d been a more loving child, a more supportive partner, or a better parent, they might say, their life would be fantastic.
Destroying and denying. They might throw your phone down to break it, “lose” your car keys, or destroy other important possessions, then deny it or say it happened accidentally.

Someone abusing you will generally try to get you to prioritize their needs and neglect your own.

Often, they’ll also make an effort to isolate you by coming between you and your supportive loved ones — a step which, of course, leaves you more dependent on them.

Tactics they might use include:

Dehumanizing you. They’ll intentionally look away when you’re talking or stare at something else when speaking to you in an effort to make you feel unimportant.
Keeping you from socializing. Whenever you have plans to go out, they come up with a distraction or beg you not to go.
Invalidating you. They might suggest or say straight out that your needs, boundaries, and desires don’t matter to them.
Trying to come between you and your family. They’ll tell family members you don’t want to see them or make excuses why you can’t attend family functions. Later, they might tell you that your loved ones don’t care about you or think there’s something wrong with you.
Using the silent treatment. They might ignore your attempts at conversation in person, via text, or over the phone.
Withholding affection. They won’t touch you, even to hold your hand or pat you on the shoulder. They may refuse to have any intimate contact if you offend them, or they want you to do something you don’t want to do.
Shutting down communication. They might wave you off, change the subject, or simply ignore you when you want to talk about important concerns.
Actively working to turn others against you. They might tell other people in your life, including co-workers, friends, and even your family, that you lie, have lost touch with reality, or have had an emotional breakdown.
Denying support. When you need emotional support or help with a problem, they might call you needy, say the world can’t stop and wait on your problems, or tell you to toughen up and fix it yourself.
Interrupting. They might get in your face when you’re in the middle of an activity and take away your phone or anything else in your hands to let you know your attention should be on them.
Disputing your feelings. No matter what feeling or emotion you express, they might insist you shouldn’t feel that way. For example, “You shouldn’t be angry over that,” or “What have you got to feel sad about?”

Learn more about codependency and how to overcome it.

If you believe you’re experiencing emotional abuse, trust your instincts.

Abuse is never your fault, and you don’t have to live with it

If you fear immediate physical violence, get to a safe place if you can. You can also call 911 or your local emergency services for help.

If you aren’t in immediate danger and you need to talk or find some place to go, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233. This free, confidential 24/7 hotline can put you in touch with service providers and shelters across the United States.

Find more resources here.

These tips offer a place to start:

Don’t try to fix them. You may want to help, but it’s often difficult for abusive people to change their behavior without professional support. You can encourage them to work with a therapist, but they have to make the choice themselves.
Avoid self-blame. Remember, you never deserve abuse, no matter what you’ve said or done. The only person responsible is the one engaging in abusive behavior.
Prioritize your needs. Taking care of your physical and emotional needs can help you move forward to a place where you feel comfortable setting boundaries, reaching out for support, and leaving the abusive situation.
Avoid engaging with them. Don’t reply to their text messages, phone calls, or emails. If you can’t avoid working or spending time with them, try to keep another person with you and limit your conversation to essential topics.
Set personal boundaries. Decide how you’ll avoid responding to manipulation or getting pulled into arguments. Express those limits to the person using abuse tactics and stick to them. You might say, for example, “If you call me names, I’ll go home,” or, “If you start teasing me in public, I’ll leave.”
Build a support network. It might feel frightening to open up about what you’ve experienced, but reaching out to loved ones and a supportive therapist can go a long way toward helping you get the support you need to heal.
Exit the relationship or circumstance. State clearly that the relationship is over and cut all ties, if possible. Block their number and social media accounts, and ignore attempts to reach out.
Give yourself time to heal. Take space to focus on your needs and recovery. This might involve rediscovering your sense of self, creating a new self-care routine, and talking with a therapist who can offer guidance with recovery.

Leaving an abusive relationship often proves more challenging if you’re married, have children, or have shared assets. If that’s your situation, a good next step involves seeking legal assistance.

A domestic violence advocate or mental health professional can also help you develop an exit plan to leave the relationship safely.

The following resources can also help you come up with a plan:

DomesticShelters.org. Visit this website for educational information, a free hotline, and a searchable database of services in your area.
Love Is Respect. This nonprofit organization offers teens and young adults a chance to chat online, call, or text with advocates.

Emotionally abusive relationships can be difficult to recognize.

That's why

- Did I overreact? I asked myself. “Was I too sensitive? Was he right that I was acting like a lunatic?

Four months in a college relationship and I knew something was wrong: the man I was dating was no longer the romantic man I fell in love with.

There were no more dates and ice cream, no bouquets of roses, no more long walks by the river - only humiliating insults, manipulations and a lot of accusations that they take up so much of his time.

He rewrote my papers, ruined my relationship with my other friends, and forbade me to do things he didn't approve of.

After one particularly terrible argument, I found myself unable to think clearly. I felt panic and fear, could not breathe and ran out to the balcony.

Feeling dizzy, I slid to the ground, rested my head on the cold balcony railing, and tried to calm down. I asked myself.

But despite all the doubts and pain, a small voice in my head told me that this was not normal. I didn't deserve to be treated like that.

I wish I could say I left that night, but the next morning he apologized and I forgave him. I stayed with someone who frequently ripped me off and controlled what I did because I struggled to believe that the relationship was truly toxic and emotionally abusive until it ended.

“Emotional abuse is one of the most difficult forms of abuse to recognize,” says Lenia Smith Crawford, licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Kaleidoscope Family Therapy.

“It can be subtle, hidden and manipulative. This undermines the victim's self-esteem and they begin to question their perception and reality. It's a vicious cycle from which, unfortunately, many never break out."

What is emotional abuse?

"Healthy, interdependent, and nurturing relationships involve taking care of each other, prioritizing relationships, and strong attachment and love," says Louis Loves-Webb, a psychotherapist in Austin, Texas.

"An emotionally abusive relationship is a relationship in which there is abuse and abuse of power to isolate, manipulate, and control the victim with the primary goal of satisfying the vacuous and unnatural emotional needs of the abuser. "

Who is receptive?

All.

"Most people are emotionally abusive," Loves-Webb says. “True narcissistic, sociopathic, and psychopathic personality types can be difficult to spot initially. They can be charismatic and attractive without reproach, fooling even the most discerning of us."

If you have been emotionally abused, it is your fault. You didn't do anything to cause it.

Emotional abuse can come from romantic partners as well as from parents, friends, co-workers and leaders.

In a romantic relationship, both partners may also emotionally abuse each other.

"While anyone can experience emotional abuse, some people are more likely to stay in emotionally abusive relationships," says Patricia Celan, resident psychiatrist at Dalhousie University in Canada. “If someone has experienced some form of abuse in the past or witnessed abuse in the family home during developmental years, then that person may not be able to recognize when the behavior is abusive. ”

What are the red flags for emotional abuse?

Some signs of emotional abuse include:

labeling
trying to make you question your own memory, perception or sanity, also known as gaslighting
invasion of your privacy
extreme attention seeking behavior
lack of empathy
reification
isolation from friends, family and support systems

“Feelings of fear associated with an upset partner are usually a warning sign of emotional abuse,” explains Celan.

"Threats of punishment are also a form of emotional abuse, such as threatening not to hug or kiss a partner if he or she does not live up to expectations."

This is not a "normal" argument

It differs from a "normal" argument in that it does not try to listen or understand the position of the other. There are no compromise attempts without punishment or threats.

Emotional abuse includes frequent and persistent screaming and yelling. This will include personal insults, humiliation, or even covert or overt threats.

The offender may accuse you of being overly sensitive if you try to show offence, say it was just a joke, or accuse you of starting an argument even if it took you by surprise.

How is it different from physical violence?

Emotional abuse is just as serious as physical abuse. often precedes it. Sometimes they happen together.

“There will always be emotional abuse in a relationship with physical abuse, but there will be no physical abuse in a purely emotional relationship,” Laves-Webb explains. “They are almost identical in presentation, course and direction. Relationships with physical abuse simply expand fear and control, increasing physical abuse.”

Like physical abuse, emotional abuse can have several short-term and long-term mental health effects, causing feelings of anxiety, guilt, and low self-esteem. "It's subtle, and often the consequences last longer and hurt deeper than a relationship with physical abuse," says Crawford.

Emotional abuse is harder to spot because it doesn't leave a bruise. This means that it is not so well recognized by society.

“The judiciary won't recognize this in custody and divorce cases, except in rare cases where the victim has provided years of clear documentation,” says Cat Blake, a psychotherapist and certified divorce counselor. "That's why many silently deal with their insults."

So why is emotional abuse so hard to recognize?

It all starts with something called "love bombing".

“If abusers had been clear about their violent tendencies from day one, they wouldn't have gotten very far with anyone,” says Celan. "Intentionally or not, abusers show you extreme affection in order to establish that initial connection."

This is called "love bombing". My college boyfriend excelled at this: he showered me with gifts, compliments, and paid for sumptuous dinners out. I felt engaged.

“Remember life is not Disney where it's clear who the bad guy is. Life is more complex, and most people combine both,” says Blake. "Like in any relationship, people often do their best in the beginning."

"Aggressors fascinate their victims and win them over so much that when they act offensively, the victim is shocked," she continues. "The victim then struggles to 'win back' the abuser's 'good' side."

At the beginning of a relationship, we can ignore red flags.

“When we get to know someone, at first our brains fill with “good feelings” [hormones],” says Blake. "We focus on the similarities between us and our love interest."

"Most victims will say that I saw this 'red flag' but ignored it at first."

Abuse doesn't happen overnight

"There's an old joke: 'How do you boil a frog?'" Loves-Webb says. "You put it in cold water and slowly heat it up to a boil."

"However terrifying this image may be, it is analogous to an abusive relationship."

This is something Lisbeth Meredith, domestic violence advocate and author, knows firsthand.

“My ex-husband initially started out with joking insults about me that had some truth in them, like comments about my clumsiness or about my washing skills and other household chores,” she says. “At first I laughed with him. I felt they were based on reality. I was clumsy. I couldn't cook."

“Whatever the insults, I just dedicated myself to the cultivation regimen. I became who he wanted,” she continues. “[But] as they gradually morphed into more general terms about being stupid, unattractive, incapable of self-support… it all made sense. I believed the lie."

"I felt inadequate, and this confirmed my long-standing suspicion that I was unattractive."

And that's exactly what you need. You shouldn't notice the changes.

"Slowly, over time, there's a taste of envy, or a little control, or just enough push to isolate," says Laves-Webb. “There is nothing supernatural about it and nothing obviously reprehensible, but it is enough for the screws to begin to tighten and fear to begin to take root. ”

“Over time, love begins to fade and is replaced by a cloud of control, manipulation and fear. The wound of the Fisher King is that by the time you're fully aware of what's going on, you're engulfed in abusive relationships with relatively little external support."

Gaslighting will make you wonder if something is really wrong

“Gaslighting aims to make a person question their own thoughts and feelings,” says Crawford, and also question their own perception of reality.

"The gaslighter can convince his partner that his memories are wrong or that he is overreacting or catastrophic to a situation or event," she continues. “Then the offender can present their thoughts and feelings as truth. This is important because it causes the abused partner to doubt themselves and not trust their intuition.”

It prevents you from being sure that the relationship is abusive, getting angry, or making a firm decision to end the relationship.

Without a support system, gaslighting is even more effective.

Our support systems—whether family or friends—are incredibly important. They are our resonance board with which we can talk about our fears and thoughts.

But, as Loves-Webb says, “Abusive relationships thrive when there is little or no other influence or support. This dynamic of isolation creates a void in the usually 'litmus test' of normalization and absurdity."

“Because of this isolated state, the abused partner has only the abuser to help him gain a sense of reality,” he continues. This creates confusion even before you add gaslighting.

We rationalize

“People justify and rationalize their behavior in order to negotiate in this vast and overwhelming world,” explains Loves-Webb. Because emotionally abusive relationships, like physical abusive relationships, aren't always abusive, it's tempting to rationalize bad behavior, especially when the abuser apologizes and makes amends and things get better for a while.

In good times, it's easy to tell yourself that the bad is not as bad as it is, even if it's not true.

It's also easy to blame yourself when you rationalize. You may tell yourself that you may have caused this argument, and if you act differently, it won't happen again.

"A person may go out of his way - search the Internet, ask friends - to understand why their partner is acting so rude," Blake says. "They will blame themselves, not their partner, because they are so interested in maintaining their relationship."

We get used to it

“Our relationships actually change our brain chemistry and we get used to responding to our partners,” Blake explains. "The victim is used to rollercoaster rides."

"It takes a lot of activation to get rid of this addiction - literally how to get sober - and understand the value of stability."

We love them

This is one of the hardest things to deal with, even if you understand - as I learned on that balcony - that relationships are toxic.

"Abusive relationships may be 'unhealthy', but our human propensity for connection and affection can bind us emotionally to anyone, even to something or someone who is undeniably abusive," Laves-Webb says. "Attachment is extremely strong."

So what do you do if you think you are being emotionally abused?

First, remember that you did nothing wrong.

Let me say it again.

You did nothing to deserve this.

It's not your fault that someone treats you badly. It's never your fault. No one deserves to be insulted, scolded, shamed or insulted.

It's okay if you're not ready to leave immediately, but ask yourself why you don't.

Sometimes the idea of leaving is so overwhelming that it prevents victims of emotional abuse from seeking help.

Know that no one will force you to do what you do not want. In the end, it's your choice.

"If you're not ready to leave, study this," says Crawford. "What's keeping you there? Are there resources that can help or replace that part of the relationship that you think or feel you cannot live without?”

It can also help to sit down and make a list of the pros and cons of staying in a relationship.

“Most of the time the cons carry more weight,” Celan says. If so, this is a good sign that you might want to end the relationship for the sake of your mental health. Seeing how it's all written can help you digest.

Therapy can help you prepare for departure

“If you think you might be in an abusive relationship, I definitely think discussing it individually with a therapist who specializes in couples and trauma will help a lot,” says Crawford.

This is often the first and most important step towards change, especially if you find yourself isolated because of your relationship and don't feel like you have a support system. Your therapist can be your mouthpiece.

However, Crawford does not recommend couples therapy. You cannot change your partner if they are not willing to change.

Therapy is also only effective if you feel safe and comfortable enough to talk openly about the abuse. “It’s nearly impossible in an actively abusive relationship,” she says.

If you are afraid, contact the national domestic violence hotline or your local shelter.

Call 1-800-799-7233 or contact their 24/7 online chat.

“Seeking support can break isolation and be a game changer,” Meredith says.

“Severing an abusive relationship, even an emotionally abusive one, comes with some security risk,” she continues. “There is no substitute for connecting with a domestic violence advocate and getting safety information and support on online forums (during COVID) and support groups with people who have had similar experiences.”

Relationship healing is also healing.

“Being able to sit down, process, and understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors is a healing experience,” says Crawford. "Therapy helps us put ourselves into perspective and uncover what we don't know or prefer to avoid about ourselves."

There are also coaches like Blake who are injury aware. They, too, can help you process past trauma and learn to forgive yourself.

Emotionally Abusive Relationships 15 Signs You Just Can't Miss / The Love Couch

Sometimes love blinds us to such an extent that we do not even realize that we are in pain. Here's how to know if you're in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Our minds really do crazy things. Sometimes we immediately see signs of something, and other times certain situations blind us to the truth. Emotionally abusive relationships often fall into the latter.

This is especially true in romantic relationships. Love is such a strong emotion that it can completely shield you from the reality of being in a harmful situation. For example, in an emotionally abusive relationship that can be just as harmful *if not more* than a physically abusive relationship.

Why is emotional abuse so bad?

Many of you might think that a physically abusive relationship is worse than an emotionally abusive one. I disagree with you for several reasons. However, physically abusive relationships are usually accompanied by emotional abuse as well.

Emotional abuse affects the mind long after it stops. What you are told stays with you for life. This insult destroys you even after the relationship is over.

Signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship

Your love for your loved one can blind you to the truth. It's hard to tell if you're in an emotionally abusive relationship. Therefore, we must look at the signs one by one to know if there is any emotional abuse.

It may take time to tell if these signs are true or not, but give it a week. You should be able to clearly identify if any of these signs are present in your relationship. Talk to a close friend to confirm. They will know if you have changed.

If you see these signs frequently, get out of the emotionally abusive relationship.

#1 You have low self-esteem. This is a major symptom of an emotionally abusive relationship that is often overlooked. Yes, it's true that some people struggle with low self-esteem naturally.

However, when you are in a relationship, you should feel really good about yourself. Your partner needs to make you feel great about who you are. If they don't, they can contribute to your self-esteem and that's emotional abuse..

# 2 You don't often express your thoughts. If you are afraid to talk about something you disagree with your partner, you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship. If you can't speak your mind out of fear, you can assume it's because they'll get angry or start talking about your opinion.

# 3 You often get criticism. "You really should stop doing this." "You need to go to the gym more." "I can't eat it, it's gross." If you get some of these from time to time and they seem to be just general observations, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. These are harsh criticisms to bring you down, not soft comments to help you improve yourself.

# 4 You don't feel supported by your partner. If you don't feel like your partner is there for you, if you want to quit your job and try to live out your dream, then you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

You must be emotionally supported in all your endeavors * unless they are illegal or immoral * by your partner. If they don't give you that kind of support, then you're being emotionally abused.

# 5 Each argument ends with an apology. People are often blind to this . If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, you always apologize for things that are NOT your fault in any way. Remember the last five arguments. Who apologized?

# 6 You are no longer allowed to talk to certain friends. Isolation is a sign that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. It's scary that your mental health is being taken away from your friends simply because your partner doesn't "endorse" them.

# 7 You cannot go out without your partner. Most likely, this is due to issues of trust and jealousy. Both mean you are in an emotionally abusive relationship. If you can't go out with friends unless you have another meaningful label, that's emotional abuse. [Read Emotional Manipulation: 14 Ways People Get Confused in Your Mind]

#8 They get angry if you're not always in constant communication with them. This is the most dazzling, especially for girls, simply because we think it's cute that they always want to stay in touch. We take it as a good thing when it really is NOT.

If you can't be alone for hours without your partner freaking out and angry for not sending them a reply, you're in an emotionally abusive relationship. You must exit.

# 9 extreme jealousy. A little jealousy here and there is perfectly normal. You care about your partner and never want them to be attracted to someone else. However, if to the point where you are restricted to certain clothes, that is offensive.

Some people may even call you by your first names when they are jealous. Or accusing you of being "too flirtatious" or dressing too "provocatively". If this sounds like your significant other, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

# 10 Double standards. Emotionally abusive relationships are ALWAYS double standards. They are allowed to go out alone, but you are not. They wait a few hours before texting you, but they get angry when you do the same.

If there are ridiculous double standards in your relationship, it's emotionally abusive. You must exit. You must treat each other fairly and equally.

# 11 Daily arguments. Arguing as a couple is completely normal and great. But if you argue about small things every day, it's a sign that your relationship is in trouble. You should never be in tears every day. If you are, you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

#12 You are embarrassed to tell friends/family about your fights with them. This big, often overlooked sign means you're in an emotionally abusive relationship. If you can't even tell your friends about your fights for fear they'll tell you how wrong your relationship is, it's NOT TRUE.

You should never hide your relationship problems with others. Of course, some questions may be unfair, but if you're confused by your arguments, it's probably because you're in an emotionally abusive relationship.

# 13 You feel like you are walking on eggshells around them. If you are someone who feels the need to watch what you say, what you watch, or where you go, just because your partner can get mad at you in an instant, you are emotionally abusive. relationships. It's time to go.

#14 You are the only one making the effort. If you are the only person showing affection, doing things for your partner, or even the only person doing things to even show it is a relationship, you are in an abusive relationship.

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