Do i have dysphoria
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Gender dysphoria (formerly called gender identity disorder) is a diagnosis used to describe individuals who exhibit a strong desire to be of the other gender. Take this gender dysphoria test to determine if you have gender dysphoria symptoms that could lead to a diagnosis.
Medical ReviewerRandy Bressler, PsyD
Who Is This Gender Dysphoria Quiz For?
Below is a list of questions that relate to life experiences common among people diagnosed with gender dysphoria—formerly known as gender identity disorder. Please read each question carefully and indicate whether you have experienced these thoughts or exhibited these behaviors for at least the past 6 months.
Note that this quiz applies to gender dysphoria in adults and adolescents (past puberty). A separate quiz is available for Child Gender Dysphoria.
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This quiz is NOT a diagnostic tool. Mental health disorders can only be diagnosed by a licensed mental health professional or doctor.
Psycom believes assessments can be a valuable first step toward getting treatment. All too often people stop short of seeking help out of fear their concerns aren't legitimate or severe enough to warrant professional intervention.
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Adult Gender Dysphoria FAQs
Answers provided by Francisco J. Sánchez, PhD, an associate professor of educational, school, and counseling psychology at the University of Missouri.
What is gender dysphoria?
The sex that a physician assigns to a person at birth is generally based on external genitalia, but the person’s gender identity—their psychological sense of their gender—does not necessarily match their sex assigned at birth.
The term “transgender” refers to a person whose gender identity does not match their sex assigned at birth. Gender dysphoria occurs when a transgender person experiences psychological distress because of the mismatch between their assigned sex and their gender identity.1
While it can start in childhood, gender dysphoria may not be experienced until after puberty or much later. When this happens, it is called adult gender dysphoria.1
How is adult gender dysphoria diagnosed?
A person who feels they may have gender dysphoria should start with a visit to their doctor. The doctor may then refer the individual to a psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, or another mental health professional. A set of diagnostic criteria will be reviewed with the person, explains Francisco J. Sánchez, PhD, an associate professor of educational, school, and counseling psychology at the University of Missouri. “If the person meets enough of these criteria, they will be diagnosed with gender dysphoria,” he says.
According to the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the criteria for being diagnosed with gender dysphoria include the desire to change one’s primary sex characteristics (genitals) and/or secondary sex characteristics (such as facial and chest hair in men or breasts in women), and the wish to be of another gender.1
Can gender dysphoria be self-diagnosed?
Although there is a lot of interest in this topic today, “you can’t just go to a doctor and say, ‘I have gender dysphoria,’” says Francisco J. Sánchez, PhD, an associate professor of educational, school, and counseling psychology at the University of Missouri. “There is an assessment that you need to go through before a determination can be made.”
Can gender dysphoria start in adulthood?
Many adults who present with gender dysphoria will say that they believed for a long time prior to their diagnosis that “something felt different,” says Francisco J.
Sánchez, PhD, an associate professor of educational, school, and counseling psychology at the University of Missouri. “But they chose not to tell anyone about it until they were around 40 or 50 years old,” he says.
“There used to be some sociocultural differences between those who were diagnosed in childhood and those who were diagnosed as middle-aged adults,” Sánchez adds. “Some of these trends included white (non-Latino) patients and those attracted to women waiting until later in life to seek help. But these differences may be lessening now that there is greater awareness of and support for transgender issues.”
Sánchez notes that a small number of practitioners continue to believe that if a middle-aged man feels that he has gender dysphoria, it could actually be autogynephilia, which is a male’s propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female.2 However, this is a highly controversial concept that has been deemed harmful by several professional organizations.
2
Can gender dysphoria be caused by trauma?
Gender dysphoria is not caused by trauma, says Francisco J. Sánchez, PhD, an associate professor of educational, school, and counseling psychology at the University of Missouri. At one time, it was theorized that gender dysphoria—like same sex attraction—was the result of childhood trauma. “But there is no reputable, scientific evidence that this is true,” he says.
Can gender dysphoria go away?
Yes and no. Once you are diagnosed with gender dysphoria, it becomes part of your medical records, says Francisco J. Sánchez, PhD, an associate professor of educational, school, and counseling psychology at the University of Missouri. “With sufficient treatment, the diagnosis may qualify as going into remission if a person is no longer reporting distress due to their identity,” he explains. “But the diagnosis typically remains in their records.”
How is gender dysphoria treated?
Although several professional organizations have offered guidelines (recommendations) for working with transgender and gender non-conforming patients, no major US medical or psychology organization has established official standards of care.
There is an international association—called the World Professional Association for Transgender Health—however, that has developed standards of care that many practitioners refer to. (*Note: Standard of care distinction requires a higher threshold typically requiring empirical support and is adopted as a consistent response to a presenting concern. Deviating from a standard of care must come with well-supported justification.)
In general, people diagnosed with gender dysphoria are offered individualized treatments that can include hormone therapy, surgery, and counseling or psychotherapy. It should be noted that psychological attempts to force the transgender person to be cisgender (which means the person’s gender identity aligns with the sex assigned to them at birth) are considered unethical by some associations.1
How common is adult gender dysphoria?
In the US, the American Psychiatric Association estimates that as many as about 1 in 7,100 people assigned male at birth and as many as 1 in 33,300 people assigned female at birth meet diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria.
Around 0.6% to 0.7% of the US population identifies as transgender. Many transgender individuals first experience gender dysphoria early in childhood. In fact, some 73% of transgender women and 78% of transgender men first experience gender dysphoria by the age of 7.3
Can you develop gender dysphoria late in life (late-onset gender dysphoria)?
It’s possible, but not probable, says Francisco J. Sánchez, PhD, an associate professor of educational, school, and counseling psychology at the University of Missouri. “Most people with gender dysphoria would have sensed something earlier in life,” he says. Still, some individuals may first notice feelings of gender dysphoria as late as middle age, Sánchez says.
- American Psychiatric Association. What Is Gender Dysphoria? Page Last Reviewed November 2020. Accessed June 14, 2021.
- Lawrence, Anne A. Autogynephilia: an underappreciated paraphilia. Advances in Psychosomatic Medicine.
October 10, 2011. (Requires subscription.) Abstract accessed June 14, 2021. - Zaliznyak, M; Bresee, C; Garcia, MM. Age at First Experience of Gender Dysphoria Among Transgender Adults Seeking Gender-Affirming Surgery. JAMA Network Open. March 16, 2020. Accessed June 14, 2021.
Notes: This article was originally published June 16, 2021 and most recently updated October 15, 2021.
Gender dysphoria - NHS
Gender dysphoria is a term that describes a sense of unease that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity.
This sense of unease or dissatisfaction may be so intense it can lead to depression and anxiety and have a harmful impact on daily life.
What is gender identity?
Gender identity refers to our sense of who we are and how we see and describe ourselves.
Most people identify as "male" or "female". These are sometimes called "binary" identities.
But some people feel their gender identity is different from their biological sex.
For example, some people may have male genitals and facial hair but do not identify as a male or feel masculine.
Some may have female genitals and breasts but do not identify as a female or feel feminine.
Some people do not define themselves as having a "binary" identity. For them the concept of gender is not relevant to their identity.
They may use different terms, such as agender, gender diverse, gender non-conforming, to describe their identity. However, as a group, they are often called "non-binary".
Gender dysphoria and gender identityMany people with gender dysphoria have a strong, lasting desire to live a life that "matches" or expresses their gender identity.
They do this by changing the way they look and behave.
Some people with gender dysphoria, but not all, may want to use hormones and sometimes surgery to express their gender identity.
Gender dysphoria is not a mental illness, but some people may develop mental health problems because of gender dysphoria.
Signs of gender dysphoria
People with gender dysphoria may have changed their appearance, their behaviour or their interests.
They may also show signs of discomfort or distress, including:
- low self-esteem
- becoming withdrawn or socially isolated
- depression or anxiety
- taking unnecessary risks
- neglecting themselves
Read more about the signs of gender dysphoria.
Children and gender identity
Children may show an interest in clothes or toys that society tells us are more often associated with the opposite gender. They may be unhappy with their physical sex characteristics.
However, this type of behaviour is reasonably common in childhood and is part of growing up. It does not mean that all children behaving this way have gender dysphoria or other gender identity issues.
A small number of children may feel lasting and severe distress, which gets worse as they get older. This often happens around puberty, when young people might feel that their physical appearance does not match their gender identity.
This feeling can continue into adulthood with some people having a strong desire to change parts of their physical appearance, such as facial hair or breasts.
Find out more information if you think your child might have gender dysphoria.
How to get help
See a GP if you think you or your child may have gender dysphoria.
If the GP agrees, they can refer you to a gender dysphoria clinic (GDC) where you’ll be assessed by a specialist team.
You do not need to be assessed by a mental health service first, and the GP does not need prior approval from the integrated care boards (ICBs) responsible for local health services.
You can self-refer to a GDC, but a referral by the GP is best. This is because they can give the GDC your detailed medical history.
If you are already seeing a doctor or psychologist for other conditions, ask them if they can refer you to a GDC.
Referrals for children and young people up to 18 years will be to the Gender Identity Development Service (GIDS) for children and adolescents.
Referrals for adults to one of the gender dysphoria clinics in England may be made from 17 years of age.
Waiting times
As there has been a huge increase in the number of people seeking a referral to a gender dysphoria clinic, waiting times can be long..
Find out how your GP and other organisations can support you while you wait to see a GDC.
Treatment for gender dysphoria
After a detailed assessment to confirm the diagnosis of gender dysphoria and what it means for you, the GDC team will work with you on an agreed treatment plan.
If you are assessed as not having gender dysphoria, the GDC may recommend other forms of support to your GP.
Treatments provided by the GDC are intended to provide lasting relief from gender dysphoria. This can mean different things to different people.
For some people, treatment may just involve acceptance and affirmation or confirmation of their identity. For others, it may involve bigger changes, such as changes to their voice, hormone treatment or surgery.
Read more about treatments for gender dysphoria.
What causes gender dysphoria?
The exact cause of gender dysphoria is unclear.
Gender development is complex and there are still things that are not known or fully understood.
Gender dysphoria is not related to sexual orientation. People with gender dysphoria may identify as straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual.
How common is gender dysphoria?
No one really knows because not all people who have a sense of unease about their identity, or already identify as gender diverse, need or ask for support from the NHS.
The number of people being referred and diagnosed with the condition has increased a lot over the last decade. In 2018/19 around 8,000 people were referred to adult gender dysphoria services in England.
Video: being a trans man - Jay's story
In this video, Jay describes his transition, the expert help he received, his relationship and how he feels now.
Media last reviewed: 1 November 2021
Media review due: 1 November 2024
Page last reviewed: 28 May 2020
Next review due: 28 May 2023
Gender dysphoria test
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Based on University of Toronto research
Biological sex and gender identity are the same for most people, but not all.
The discrepancy between sex and gender usually causes distress and discomfort, which psychiatrists call gender dysphoria. People with gender dysphoria often feel uncomfortable with their biological sex and may feel alienated from their own bodies. Gender dysphoria is associated with high levels of stigma and discrimination, which leads to negative self-perceptions and an increase in other mental health problems.
Do you have gender dysphoria? For each following statement, indicate how much you agree with it.
Question 1 of 20
Last year…
I wanted to have gender reassignment surgery.
Never. Sometimes.
Often. Constantly.
PROCEED BACK
IDRlabs Gender Dysphoria Test (IDR-GDT©) developed by IDRlabs International. The IDR-GDT is based on the well-known Gender Dysphoria Symptom Assessment Questionnaire (GIDYQ-AA). The IDR-MPT is not affiliated with any developer or institution that worked on the GIDYQ-AA.
The IDRlabs Gender Dysphoria Test was developed based on research by Deogracias and colleagues in collaboration with the University of Toronto and Columbia University.
Although gender issues have been explored in the psychological literature for decades, in recent years they have received increased coverage in the media, pop culture, and public consciousness. The items on this test were created based on the life experiences of people with gender dysphoria, which allowed us to create a comprehensive psychological tool. This gender dysphoria test is not intended to make a clinical diagnosis and is not a substitute for specialist advice. IDRlabs International and this IDRlabs Gender Dysphoria Test are not affiliated with the researchers, organizations or institutions named above.
This test is based on reliable and reliable sources for assessing the psychological state of a person. However, please note that all free online tests like this one are for informational purposes only and will not be able to determine your inherent qualities with absolute accuracy and reliability. Therefore, our test provides information for educational purposes only. Detailed information about your condition can only be provided by a certified specialist.
As the authors of this free online test that will assess your propensity for gender dysphoria, we have made every effort to ensure that this test is reliable and valid through numerous checks and statistical data control. For more information, see: Deogracias, J. J., Johnson, L. L., Meyer-Bahlburg, H. F., Kessler, S. J., Schober, J. M., & Zucker, K. J. (2007). The gender identity/gender dysphoria questionnaire for adolescents and adults. Journal of Sex Research, 44, 370-379.
Despite extensive testing and scientific backing, free online tests like this gender dysphoria test do not provide certified or professional advice of any kind. The results of this gender dysphoria test are provided to you "as is" and for educational purposes only. For more information about our online tests, please see our Terms of Service.
8 Signs and Symptoms of Implicit Gender Dysphoria0001
© Shaellefay
I am not a medical doctor and nothing in this article should be considered medical advice or a means of diagnosing any health condition.
This is my personal experience and the stories of other people - approx. contributors Gender dysphoria is often described and experienced as suffering from a person's assigned gender and a desire to live as a different gender. Gender dysphoria is common among transgender people, although being transgender in and of itself is not a disease or disorder—nor is gender dysphoria mandatory for transgender people. Not all trans people have severe gender dysphoria, and not everyone experiences it in the same way: different transgender people may be uncomfortable with different aspects of their assigned gender, their bodies, their gender representation, societal expectations, etc.
One way or another, gender dysphoria is related to our gender and its various manifestations. Suffering from dysphoria and, hopefully, getting rid of them depends on how close the actual is to the desired. For this reason, people believe that we are aware of dysphoria through feelings that are directly related to gender.
For example, despite the gender assigned to us, we know from childhood that we are actually women or men; we feel "locked" in our bodies due to a mismatch of sexual characteristics; we need to bring our "outside" into line with our "inside"; and very much want to live as representatives of a different gender.
Diverse experience of dysphoria
This understanding of gender dysphoria is incomplete. What people often don't realize is that not all transgender people recognize or experience it as something related to gender. Some of us suffer from dysphoria without realizing that it is because of gender. And the connection of this suffering to our identities can only become apparent when we look back. Much attention is paid to the "gender" part of dysphoria, clear differences in the perception of different identities, different needs and feelings. Less is said about the experience of dysphoria in general.
What is dysphoria? Apart from gender dysphoria, it is difficult to find any useful information about what dysphoria itself is.
It is not exactly limited to gender dysphoria and can be a symptom of a variety of other conditions: anxiety disorders, personality disorders, major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, insomnia, premenstrual syndrome, and stress. It can also be a side effect of antipsychotic drugs.
But how does dysphoria feel? How does she manifest herself? You won't find more than a simple list of symptoms. The English-language Wikipedia describes it as “a condition in which an individual feels unhealthy or unhappy; feeling of emotional and mental discomfort. Other sources refer to anxiety as a symptom of dysphoria and dysphoria as a symptom of anxiety. A 2007 article from the scientific journal Australian Psychiatry states:
“Attempts to formulate what dysphoria is leave much to be desired. Its definitions tend to be too broad or too simplistic and therefore not useful in clinical practice. There is no agreement on what the term means."
People who suffer want to know exactly what they are experiencing and why.
And vague explanations like “dysphoria means that you feel bad” do not help here at all. We already know that we don't feel well. But why? And what can we do about it?
This is a question faced by those transgender people whose dysphoria is not directly related to gender. My dysphoria was mostly implicit , and I talked to a lot of other transgender people whose dysphoria wasn't explicitly gendered at first either. Because the relationship between these "unpleasant feelings" and gender is not obvious, it can take a long time before we realize that we are transgender people or that we have dysphoria. It may not be obvious. Some of us think about transitioning and still don't understand that our suffering is a symptom of dysphoria or that the transition can help us.
©ShaellefayThe importance of being aware of dysphoria
When you don't know what it is (or that it even exists), it's easy to assume that dysphoria is natural for you. You may think that this is part of your personality and character.
Something you just have to learn to deal with. This may delay the realization that you are a transgender person or that transition is the right choice for you. I perceived my eternal discomfort in this way and at first I believed that I did not have dysphoria at all and that everything was in order. I didn't know there was something wrong with me. The real level of my dysphoria only became apparent when I started the transition (mostly I wanted to achieve physical feminization and prevent further masculinization of my body, not deal with the dysphoria), and these feelings disappeared for the first time in my life. As soon as I had something to compare with, I realized that all this time I really experienced dysphoria. It was just that she was so implicit that her connection with gender was invisible.
Transgender people and those who are looking for themselves sometimes doubt their transgenderness simply because they do not feel the discomfort that is clearly associated with gender.
They may be very doubtful of their feelings.
Knowing that gender dysphoria doesn't always show up as a bright neon sign that says "DEAL WITH YOUR GENDER" can help them find themselves.
It can help such people to understand that their general discomfort can also be caused by gender dysphoria. This realization can give them a possible answer to ponder over. It can give them hope.
But they won't understand this by looking at a useless and incomprehensible list of symptoms like "discomfort" and "sadness". Words like "joylessness" and "malaise" do not capture the detailed, sensual, everyday reality of this implicit dysphoria. In this article I will try to show it with examples. I will talk about cases from the life (mine and other people) in which this dysphoria manifests itself - and such cases are not uncommon.
Again, not all transgender people will have all or any of these characteristics, as gender dysphoria is different for everyone. In some people, the symptoms are more clearly gender-specific than in others.
Moreover, such feelings may not only be experienced by transgender people. They are not only found in people with gender dysphoria and can be caused by any of the other conditions listed above (like depression or anxiety disorder) - but in transgender people, these symptoms do get better if something is done about their dysphoria.
This is an attempt to study a phenomenon that is not yet very well known, not yet named and defined. Some transgender people may find something similar to their experiences on this list, others may not. But if I knew all this, it would make my transition much easier. And perhaps cisgender people, too, will begin to understand how devastating dysphoria can be — and how important it is to address this problem.
©ShaellefaySigns of implicit gender dysphoria
1. Constant difficulty just getting through day
For most of my life, everything was inexplicably difficult for me. It was hard for me to find the strength in myself even for the simplest daily activities.
Going to the store, cleaning the house, taking a shower, fulfilling various small requests of others ... I felt that this was already too much for me. Even when there were no specific reasons for this stress, nothing came easy to me. It was not just laziness - it seemed that I was so mentally exhausted that absolutely everything was a constant struggle and a heavy burden for me. I could force myself to sort things out, but it took a lot of effort. I was irritable, grumpy, dissatisfied with everything. My mood was somewhere between just bad and very bad almost every day. The happiness I experienced was usually short-lived and tarnished by constant background discontent and grumpiness. I didn't like it at all. I was constantly stressed and wanted more than anything to find a way to somehow relax and unwind. I didn't want to be like that.
2. You do not feel connected to your own emotions
I have always had a difficult relationship with my feelings. As a child, I could cry almost every day for no reason.
Anything could bring tears: a slight scolding, a wrong answer in class, or any other little thing that didn't make anyone but me cry so often. It was really weird, and eventually most of the people around me got tired of it. I was very embarrassed and tried to stop, because I myself did not like all this. But I couldn't control it. In adolescence, the situation changed: I almost never could cry, even when I wanted to. I wanted to cry, I could understand to some extent that now I should burst into tears, but I just could not do it. On the rare occasions when I did manage to cry, it was even worse. It was already too much, and I could be so overwhelmed with feelings that it came to uncontrollable, convulsive sobs. There was no middle ground, no moderate amount of tears. I sobbed as hard over the death of my rat as I did at my grandmother's funeral.
And I was very afraid to cry, because then the rest of the day and the whole next day (or so) I would be overwhelmed by a terrible feeling of emotional emptiness.
It felt like my head was full of concrete, like my mind was trying to make its way through molasses. And it seemed to me that this feeling has a physical nature. It seemed to me that my brain had simply run out of everything that fueled my ability to feel at least anything - as if I had no emotions left at all. There was no way to “overcome” it, there was no way to force myself to perk up - I just had to wait until this state passed. I resented everyone and everything that made me cry. I was afraid of the terrible, suffocating numbness that was bound to come after.
3. Feeling that in everyday life you just go with the flow, as if you are reading a script
My life has always looked like it was less real than it should be. I didn't feel like I was my own boss. I didn't feel like I could make my own choices however I wanted. I often missed that part of me that wants and seeks something. Just because I want - and that's it. I didn’t think that I was capable of such a feeling at all - there was simply no motivation for it.
I didn't have a clear identity and a clear understanding of my goals, and obligations to other people filled the void. Since I didn't want anything, I just did and said what was expected of me. That's just what I did. I felt like an actress who was handed a role written by someone, and I did not know how to be different. I didn't know that should be different from . I often wanted to rip off my face to see if there was anything real underneath.
©Shaellefay4. Life feels futile, meaningless or purposeless
Even when I managed to find an activity (almost) to my liking, I felt like I was just killing time. Every day, it was like I ticked the box, knowing that one day the days would end, but I just had no idea how else to spend my time. When I was working on something, I didn't feel like I was heading towards a goal.
You live for a while and then you die. And it's all. I didn't think there was more to life. So why bother with any worthwhile, long-term plans? When I set goals for myself, I did it simply for the sake of setting goals - and not because I was striving to achieve something that was really important to me.
Nothing made me feel truly fulfilled, like I wasn't achieving anything worthwhile. So why bother?
5. You know you're different in some way and dream of being "normal" like them
I've often wondered how other kids can just live their lives. Talking, laughing, being so calm and happy, like everything is in order. I didn't know what I really expected from them - I had no idea what was "wrong". I didn't know why I was so restless all the time, I was just worried. I had no idea why the rest of the world didn't feel this way, and I wanted to know what it was like.
My mind seemed to be talking to itself non-stop and over-analyzing everything around me. It was as if there were two streams of thoughts in me at the same time, and one of them was very toxic. I couldn't stop thinking about everything—as if that loud voice in my head wouldn't let me just be here and now.
It was impossible to shut up this voice and be like everyone else . I wanted my two streams of thoughts to merge into one - so that I could feel simple and natural.
But this condition did not go away, no matter how hard I tried to get rid of it. It was as if some invisible shell separated me from reality: I could move in the real world, interact with it, but never really touch it or feel it.
6. When puberty sets in, the severity of these symptoms increases markedly
Around the age of twelve or thirteen, my life went downhill. Even though I had a hard time with school, friends, and problems at home before, I was able to deal with it all before puberty. But then everything went wrong. For several years, my emotions were not just muted or unhealthy - they were practically non-existent. I felt nothing day after day. And every day was like the previous one: a mechanical routine. Just waiting for the time to pass. I couldn't even bring myself to worry about anything. And it also felt like something on a physical level. Something I can't handle.
I knew I didn't excel in any subject, and I didn't care. I handed in blank test forms - I didn't care.
I knew perfectly well what the consequences might be, but none of it looked real. I have already reached the bottom - it could not be worse. I couldn't muster the strength to finish anything, no matter how much I was taught, scared, or punished.
I was told that I was flushing my future down the toilet - I did not see any problem in this. What is the future? Why was someone worried about me? I didn't really worry about myself. My parents took me out of school after the tenth grade, when I was about fifteen - there was no point in keeping someone there who just does nothing. So I spent most of my teenage years at home as a recluse and still did nothing.
©Shaellefay7. You're trying to figure it all out on your own with all sorts of psychological tricks
I've often wondered if there was a drug (like marijuana) that would help me become more talkative and finally relax. I tried it. I've tried alcohol, I've tried other stimulants, all in the hope that they can lift my spirits and make my life easier.
I wanted to find something—anything—that would help me heal the part of me that was increasingly feeling “broken.” For a short time, some of these substances helped, but not very much. They didn't "fix" me in the slightest: these substances temporarily distracted me, but the problem still remained. When none of this helped, I tried to train my mind to avoid bad thoughts so I wouldn't slip into depressive thoughts (as it did for most of my teenage years). For the most part, I succeeded, and it was not a bad idea in itself. But sadness and anxiety remained with me. I realized that it was in my power to just ignore these things (as far as possible) and focus on the good things that I could find. I lost hope of ever truly fixing it all.
8. These symptoms improve significantly after the start of the transition
In particular, after the start of hormone replacement therapy. Although this is somewhat of a "diagnostic treatment", this situation clearly shows that these difficulties are related to gender, and not to any other reasons.
If we are lucky, we will eventually begin to take hints from ourselves. And these hints will push us to reconsider our gender identity. And somewhere during this process, we will begin to understand: perhaps this is what we have been looking for all our lives. For me, when I took small steps towards the transition, it helped me a little. When I began to represent myself as a feminine and accepted my feminine identity, I began to come into my own and take on the form of a living person. I started taking my life where I wanted to go. It became easier for me to set goals and find what made me happy. And that inspired me to start taking care of myself more. For the first time in my life, I managed to fall in love and start a real relationship - in which I had not seen any sense before and even resigned myself to the fact that I would not have them.
©Shaellefay I still had feelings of general discomfort and irritability, and they continued to make my life difficult. I felt bad every day and I was tired of it.
But, as it turned out, when I went far in the transgender transition, I got much better. As soon as I started hormone therapy, the effect appeared immediately: these symptoms completely disappeared. It was such a striking contrast that it became clear that what I had suffered from before was indeed physical and chemical in nature. I could tell that it was gender dysphoria, since there was no trace of it after they helped me cope with this problem.
Now I could really relax. It was so great to feel truly calm for the first time in my life. And it continued. And there was no more pain to hide. I could cry and feel good afterwards - as if tears had renewed me, rather than drained my emotions. I could feel - in all the details, depth, texture. I was no longer limited by the choice between numbness and emotional overload. The shell that limited me disappeared, and life seemed like a breeze: I was just happy all day without constant obsessive thoughts that would distract me and separate me from the world.
