Affairs signs to look for
Signs Your Spouse Is Having An Affair — Signs of Cheating Partner
There is almost nothing that can upend a relationship more quickly than infidelity. People often list off common habits and personality changes as surefire signs that a partner is cheating, but the truth is that there is no way to ever know for sure that someone is being unfaithful without cold, hard proof. Even suspecting your partner of being unfaithful can lead to major cracks and arguments within the relationship if you don't know how to communicate well. Plus, accusing someone of infidelity is serious business. Oftentimes, not trusting your partner can be just as damaging as cheating itself, which is why resolving relationship problems and strains as they arise is so important. Talking to your partner about your past traumas and anxieties frequently instead of holding it all inside can help you better avoid jumping to conclusions about what's really going on.
Still, it's always a good idea to see things with clear eyes. Sometimes being in love means someone can have rose colored glasses when it comes to their partner, but a healthy relationship means you can have a realistic view of what's happening (or not happening). Having an open and honest line of communication is often the difference between interpreting every little thing as a sign of cheating and knowing instinctually when something is truly wrong.
“There are no definitive, across-the-board, telltale signs of cheating (unless you catch your partner red-handed, or they own up to what's going on),” Marie Murphy, a relationship coach with a Ph.D. in the sociology of sexuality, tells Woman's Day. You wouldn’t be the first person, for example, to say you had “no idea” your partner was cheating until it became glaringly obvious. “And some cheaters are extremely good at covering their tracks!”
It would also be a mistake to suggest that any of these signs are absolute proof of cheating. “Sometimes people change their behavior or habits out of nowhere and don't offer much explanation for their reasons for these changes, and although this could seem suspicious, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with infidelity,” Murphy explains.
Generally speaking, though, a partner who is having an affair is often going to do things that are different than they usually would, explains Bonnie Scott, founder of Mindful Kindness Counseling.
"They could be changing behaviors (adding a gym routine, working late more often, eating out more often, being on the phone more or being secretive about phone use). There could be changes in your emotional connection (feeling less connected, less respected, less included in day-to-day activities, less supported or understood, less sex than normal). Or conversely, you feel they are suddenly far more attentive than normal, having way more sex than normal, overly helpful and eager where they weren’t before," Scott says. "The signs might be financial — using cash more often, unexplained charges, overdrafts, reluctance to make bigger joint purchases like an appliance, car, mortgage or lease. There might be relationships they don’t invite you to be a part of — never including you with work colleagues, for example. "
RELATED: 16 Reasons Your Partner May Not Want to Have Sex Tonight
As Murphy and Scott both say, it's hard to ever say for sure if someone is cheating or not without proof, but if you're looking for more signals that something might be up, there are things to look for. Whether you’ve been cheated on before and you’re always scanning for hints of betrayal, or you’ve never been with a cheater and don’t know what to expect, we’ve got a long list of suspicious behavior.
Diego Cervo / EyeEm//Getty Images
1. There’s someone new they can’t stop talking about.
A partner who starts bringing up a new coworker, friend, running buddy, or otherwise could be a sign of infidelity — or a slippery slope to infidelity. “It's always a possibility that your partner is just excited about meeting someone new and there's nothing improper going on. But it's also important to remember that infidelity exists on a continuum, and there are many forms of cheating,” Murphy says. “It's not uncommon for a new connection with another person to gather intensity in a way that seems harmless at first... and then slides over the line into something that is pretty unambiguously outside of the bounds of the committed relationship.”
RELATED: What is Emotional Cheating?
2. There’s more emotional distance than there used to be.
Any strong relationship requires conversation and emotional honesty, which leads to emotional intimacy. “When you see that your partner is not emotionally connecting with you, but making excuses to be away from you, that is one key sign of an affair," Ellen Kenner, Ph.D, clinical psychologist, tells Woman's Day. A partner being emotionally unavailable can also be a sign of general relationship problems, not just infidelity. However, with the right amount of work and, in many cases, relationship counseling, those problems are often fixable.
3.They’re suddenly more affectionate.
It might not be the first thing to come to mind, but a partner who’s going above and beyond — whether it's with public displays of affection, "just because gifts," or household chores — can also be a red flag. “Guilt and the need to cover up the affair may motivate your partner to be more 'affectionate' toward you,” Kenner explains. “Flowers arriving for you? Gifts? You may smell a rat.”
4. They’re putting more effort into their appearance.
Changes in appearance can be a sign of adultery. For example, if your partner is dressing nicer, working out more, paying more attention to their grooming, or putting on perfume or cologne more regularly than they're used to, it could be to appeal to someone else. “Your partner is motivated to impress someone,” Kenner says. And if that someone isn't you, it's possible they're having an affair.
5. They’re gone more often than they used to be.
Just like looking nicer than usual, being gone more often is another classic sign of an affair. “Your partner seems to have a lot more work drifting into the wee hours of the night, more weekend calls to be at work or on a ‘business trip,’” Kenner says. But instead, they’re creating time to be with someone else. Even if your partner isn’t cheating, spending less time together can also be an unfortunate sign that you’re falling out of love with each other.
6. They accuse you of cheating.
It might sound wild, but one go-to strategy of guilty cheating partners hoping to hide their infidelity is to flip the conversation around and try to accuse you of cheating. “This can be a way to deflect the blame off of them and also to make them look like someone who really values fidelity and would never cheat themselves,” Suzannah Weiss, certified sex educator and love coach, tells Woman's Day. But it’s not always about manipulation, either. “They may genuinely be suspicious because they've seen firsthand that it's possible to get away with cheating.”
7. They’re making big cash withdrawals.
No surprise, but money talks. If you notice cash withdrawals from your joint accounts that are out of your partner’s usual spending limit or habit, alarm bells ought to ring. “They could be using cash to pay for their outings with another person so that their activities aren't trackable,” Weiss says. If nothing else, it’s worth talking to your partner about where the money is going.
8. They can’t seem to keep straight what they’ve already told you.
When your partner starts divulging intimate thoughts to someone new, it can be hard for them to keep who they’ve talked to straight. If they start asking, “Have I already told you this?” regularly, be wary. “They may be confiding in you less because they've found a new confidant,” Weiss explains.
9. They seem overly invested in your comings and goings.
“Another telltale sign of cheating is asking a lot of questions about your schedule and where you'll be when,” Weiss says. What time are you going to be home? When are you going to see your girlfriends? There’s having a general knowledge of your partner’s whereabouts, and there’s finding pockets of time to see and be with someone else. “They might be trying to make sure they don't get caught," Weiss explains.
10. They get more possessive over their belongings.
“Many times, the cheating partner can start to become overly sensitive over his/her non-shared personal items such as their phone, car, or living space,” Lauren Peacock, relationship expert and author of Female. Likes Cheese. Comes with Dog.: Stories About Divorce, Dating, and Saying “I Do”, tells Woman's Day. “For example, if before he/she left their phone out while taking a shower, they may start to bring it into the bathroom with them or become very agitated when their significant other asks to look at a funny video or something else on the phone. ” That kind of possessiveness can signal that they’re actively hiding something — or someone.
11. They gaslight you when you ask if they’re cheating.
If you confront your partner and they get wildly upset about your accusation, that’s a pretty terrible sign. “Anytime that a partner is cheating, usually the biggest tell is when they are confronted by it and they deny by turning it around onto their partner,” Peacock says. “Maybe they blame their significant other for watching too many TV shows that put ‘crazy thoughts’ into their head when in all reality, they’ve simply figured out what’s been going on behind their back.”
12. Your nose is sending you signals.
A person's sense of smell can be exactly the sense they need when it comes to figuring out whether or not their partner is cheating, according to Kenner. “Interesting and unusual smells on your partner [can be a sign],” she says. If you find yourself noticing perfume on your partner that isn’t yours, there may be something untoward going on.
13. You start catching your partner in little white lies.
“Lies might spring up about other, unimportant things,” Briony Leo, a certified psychologist and head coach at the relationship coaching company, Relish, tells Woman's Day. While cheating might be the big, overarching lie, there might be several minor lies your partner has to tell in order to conceal the affair. “These might be minor things like stopping off to buy groceries, or a major assignment at work that is taking a lot of time.” Of course, your partner may have another reason for lying. But either way, a pattern like that should be addressed.
14. Sex just doesn’t feel intimate anymore.
Sex can be a real connective act in a healthy relationship. And if one partner strays, it can also be the first place you notice trouble. “If you have sex, you may find your partner having that thousand-mile-look during arousal,” Kenner says. You might notice your partner feels distant even when you’re actively unclothed, or that they get bursts of sexual energy that don’t seem connected to you. “You are not the focus; your partner is thinking of their lover.”
15. They just don’t get as upset about things anymore.
If you and your partner used to argue but they take a sudden about-face, it could actually be a signal that they’ve checked out and are focusing their passions on someone else. “When you have other options, you are less affected by problems in a relationship. This is often misinterpreted as someone growing more patience, but, it often signals they are distracted with someone else,” Nicholas Hardy, a psychotherapist in Houston, Texas, tells Woman's Day.
16. They stop talking about your future together.
“The future is reserved for those you envision one with,” Hardy says. If your partner has started seeing someone else, that may no longer be you. “When someone questions if you will be a part of their future, they talk less about their own future with you.”
17. Your gut says something is up.
Look, clear signs are great, but there’s also just the plain fact that sometimes in a relationship your gut says something is off. “You know your partner and their ‘tells’ better than anyone! So trust your instincts,” Murphy says. “If something seems amiss — if your partner sounds unusual in a way that kicks up your interest and leaves you with a funny feeling in your stomach when they mention that new person they just met at the [wherever], it might be an indication that they're experiencing a passing infatuation... but it also could be a clue that there's a lot more going on than just a little crush.”
"I would say, if you have sort of a gut feeling that something is off, and you can combine that with some of these signs, it’s worth a bigger conversation. The bar might be different if you’re a person who’s just generally prone to jealousy, but if your gut tells you something is off, that’s good data," Scott agrees. "Your brain and body recognize subconscious actions and we are professionals at understanding patterns, so that gut feeling is your body telling you to pay more attention."
Editor in Chief
Kristin Koch is the Editor in Chief of Seventeen, overseeing the content and editorial operations for all of Seventeen's digital and print efforts. Before coming to Seventeen, Koch held editor positions at Glamour, Vanity Fair, and The Knot. In 2016, she founded lifestyle blog, Closetful of Clothes, where she covers everything from style and interiors to travel. A Chicago native, Koch graduated from Colgate University with a degree in History. She loves pizza, rom-coms and HGTV.
Freelance Health Writer
Colleen is a health and travel writer in Seattle, Washington. Her work has been featured in Outside, SELF, The Seattle Times, Brit+Co, and others. Find her at colleenstinchcombe.com.
This content is imported from OpenWeb. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
X Signs to Look For
Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors
Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on November 20, 2020
In this Article
- What Is an Affair?
- Types of Affairs
- Signs of an Affair
- Dealing with an Affair
What Is an Affair?
An affair is the act of infidelity within a relationship. “Infidelity” cannot be precisely defined because different relationships establish different boundaries with different definitions of fidelity. Relationships are contracts, implicit or explicit, and an affair breaks that contract, whatever it may be.
There are many reasons that affairs, or adultery, happen. Common reasons include:
- Unaddressed problems in the marriage
- Breakdown of communication and emotional support
- Mental health issues or addiction
- Loss of affection or caring
- Physical health issues, particularly ones that create sexual obstacles
While it used to be more common for men to engage in affairs, men and women now engage in infidelity at about equal rates. In one study 2-4% of spouses admitted to having an affair within the past year.
None of the symptoms of affairs discussed here should be taken as definitive or absolute. If you suspect your partner of having an affair, your first step is to talk to them. However, there are certain warning signs of which you can take note.
Types of Affairs
There are two main types of affair: sexual and emotional. Both can hurt the partner who is betrayed. Sexual affairs may cause more initial anger, but emotional affairs can hurt feelings just as strongly.
In sexual infidelity, the unfaithful partner engages in some kind of unlicensed sexual activity with someone outside the marriage or relationship.
Emotional infidelity can be harder to define, particularly in the age of the internet.
It happens when someone goes outside of the relationship in order to meet certain emotional needs that their partner feels should be met within their relationship. They may confide in them about troubles, either with their partner or unrelated problems. The emotional intimacy can independently threaten a marriage or can lead to a sexual affair.
Signs of an Affair
Short of catching the other person, there is no sure sign of an affair. However, many people having an affair display one or more of the following behaviors:
Change in Treatment of Partner
People having an affair often change the way that they treat their partner out of guilt or frustration. The change can go in several different directions.
- They can demonstrate apathy towards their partner’s sexual interest and needs.
- They can overcompensate with displays of affection and sexual aggression.
- They can become increasingly argumentative and quick to anger.
Anxiety and Avoidance
An unfaithful partner may be particularly apologetic or unable to look the other person in the eye. They also may be reluctant to spend time together.
Secrecy is also a bad sign. If your partner gives the impression of hiding something from you or being unwilling to talk about something, confront them.
Active or Passive Expression of Dissatisfaction
They may complain of sexual boredom or simply act bored with partner sex, giving the impression of someone just going through the motions.
They may raise the possibility of ending the relationship or seeing other people. Or they may simply withdraw from the relationship, failing to observe important occasions or to express their love.
Changes in Normal Routine
Any of these might indicate an affair:
- Change in physical appearance
- Unexplained changes in schedule or habits
- Excessive sleep
- Change in diet
- The introduction of new and unfamiliar sexual positions
Physical or Economic Signs of an Affair
The cliches exist for a reason. If you find lipstick on their collar or bite marks on their thighs, don’t be afraid to ask about them. Equally, if money is suddenly disappearing or credit card bills have strange charges, they may be engaging in expensive and clandestine activities.
Most dangerously, they could catch an infection and spread it to you. If you suddenly discover yourself with a sexually transmitted disease and have only slept with your partner, they may have cheated on you.
Odd Behavior When It Comes to a Third Party
They may act strangely when a certain name comes up, or people may tell you that they’ve seen the two spending a lot of time together.
Internet behavior can also change. They may spend a disproportionate amount of time or energy engaging with one other person.
Dealing with an Affair
Your relationship is between you and anyone else involved. There is no one right answer. You may need to leave or you may need to give the relationship another chance.
Whatever your decision, seek out the support you need, whether that’s from a friend, a therapist, or a spiritual leader.
Perhaps the best thing you can do is to take some time. Give yourself a little bit of room to process and overcome the initial shock. If you do decide to stay in the relationship, the following may help:
- Be accountable for your actions and be firm in your demand that they take responsibility for theirs.
- Consult a marriage counselor.
- Make a plan together. If trust is broken, how could it be restored? What does the timeline for that look like? Move forward together as a unit.
How to check arbitration cases by TIN or name - Circuit. Focus
September 15, 2022 3,730
If a potential counterparty often violates the contract and turns out to be a defendant in court, this may indicate his bad faith. How to check if a business partner has participated in arbitration disputes? We tell.
- Why know about the arbitration cases of the counterparty
- Search for arbitration cases by counterparty's TIN
- Where else can you check the organization for court cases by TIN nine0010
Arbitration courts consider cases on economic disputes between entrepreneurs. If the counterparty did not deliver the goods, damaged the equipment during transportation, did not pay for the work, he can be sued.
There are also several categories of cases that are dealt with only by arbitration courts (part 6 of article 27 of the Arbitration Procedure Code of the Russian Federation):
- corporate disputes: cases related to the issue of securities, the election of a director;
- protection of intellectual property rights to trademarks, inventions, works; nine0010
- protection of business reputation;
- disputes with depositaries due to accounting for rights to shares and securities,
- disputes involving state companies, state corporations, public companies and others.
Checking counterparty's arbitration cases is an important step in collecting information about a partner. Studying information about processes can tell about the integrity and solvency of the counterparty.
Pay attention to how often the counterparty participates in litigation and what is its role in the case. Examine the causes of litigation: non-performance of a contract, non-payment of taxes, violation of trademark rights. Check the results of cases. It is possible that the claims of the plaintiffs were unfounded, and the defendant won the processes. If a potential partner is often sued for breach of contract, there is still a risk of becoming a plaintiff in a similar case. nine0003
Verification of arbitration cases by TIN and name
There are also bankruptcy cases among arbitration cases. Cooperation with an insolvent counterparty is also fraught with problems. If the company does not fulfill the contract, it will be difficult to return the money even through the court. You will have to include claims in the register of creditors and wait your turn. But by the time it arrives, there may not be any money left.
Timely verification of arbitration cases involving a counterparty will protect against concluding a deal with a bankrupt or unscrupulous company. nine0003
Check company in Focus
Try for free
Arbitration Data Source
To work with the system of arbitration courts in online mode, there is the My Arbitrator service. It allows you to send procedural documents remotely, keep track of updates in arbitration cases, and search for jurisprudence on legal issues.
The service "My Arbitrator" has a section "Card file of arbitration cases". In it you will find information about cases considered by arbitration courts. The system of arbitration courts includes more than a hundred bodies. But information on all processes is collected in one database. nine0003
What information about court cases can be obtained in the public domain
The following information about the process is available in the file of arbitration cases:
- participants: information about the plaintiff, defendant, third parties;
- court and judges who hear the case;
- history of the case: filing a claim, accepting it for proceedings, adjournment of the case, receipt of petitions and other procedural documents from the parties, issuance of a writ of execution; nine0009 history of appealing judicial acts;
- final and interim judicial acts: decisions, rulings. The text of the documents is available in PDF format. It is impossible to get acquainted with the materials received from the participants in the process. They are available only to the parties.
Check arbitration cases according to the TIN of the counterparty
Go to Focus for free
Checking in the file of arbitration cases
Follow the algorithm to check counterparty arbitration cases.nine0082
Search in the file of arbitration cases
Check in the online services of the Federal Tax Service
Inspectorates control the correctness of paying taxes and monitor violations in this area. The Federal Tax Service does not have powers related to arbitration courts and processes. Therefore, tax services do not provide an opportunity to check arbitration and other legal cases of the counterparty.
But other useful information about legal entities is available on the websites of the tax authorities - read about this in the article. nine0003
Check in the tax office
The Federal Tax Service does not have authority in the field of arbitration proceedings, therefore, it is impossible to obtain information about the company's court cases from the tax office.
But there is such an opportunity in Outline.Focus. To view arbitration cases of a counterparty, it is enough to enter its TIN, OGRN or name in the search. If the organization has participated in arbitration processes, you will see the "Arbitration" tab in the card.
Circuit.Focus sorts cases depending on the procedural status of the counterparty: plaintiff, defendant, and others. You can set filters to see the ones you are interested in. So, if in the "Respondent" block select filters "lost" and "service agreements", Focus will show all lost cases of the counterparty due to violations under the service agreement. This allows you not to waste time checking decisions on cases that are not interesting. nine0003
Verification of arbitration cases in Kontur.Focus
Check on the website of bailiffs
The FSSP website has a "Data Bank of Enforcement Proceedings". It contains basic information about enforcement proceedings: date and number, debtor and recoverer, details of the enforcement document, bailiff and his phone number.
If the defendant lost the arbitration dispute, the plaintiff will receive a writ of execution from the court. When checking in the FSSP database, the details of the writ of execution, which arbitration court issued it, and who will be the recoverer will be indicated. But no information on the arbitration case can be found. According to the TIN of the debtor and the recoverer, you can find a case in which the court issued a writ of execution, but already in the filing cabinet of arbitration cases. nine0003
Search for enforcement proceedings on the FSSP website
Check in EFRSB
The bankruptcy trustee of an insolvent organization must publish various notices in the EFRSB during the bankruptcy proceedings. The search on the site is designed in such a way that it will show only insolvent organizations. The company card contains data on the number of the bankruptcy case that is being considered by the arbitration court. By publications, you can track the progress of bankruptcy: the beginning of bankruptcy proceedings, the change of the arbitration manager, the results of the meeting of creditors, and more. nine0003
Check arbitration cases by counterparty's TIN
Go to Focus for free
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