Wife is a lying cheater
6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating
In This Article
Most relationships involve conflict from time-to-time, but perhaps the biggest blow to a relationship is cheating and what makes it even worse is being lied to by someone you love.
Unfortunately, when someone is cheating, it is not likely that they will be honest about this behavior.
If you suspect that your partner is engaging in lying behavior, there are ways how to tell if someone is lying about cheating.
1. Changes in behavior
One way how to tell if someone is lying about cheating is to look for changes in behavior.
If your partner suddenly begins changing their habits but denies when confronted, there is a chance this is lying behavior.
For instance, your partner may begin eating new foods or start going to a new gym. This could indicate that your partner is picking up on another mate’s preferences or attempting to impress someone new.
2. A busier schedule
Similar to changes in behavior, a schedule that seems busier could be a way of how to tell someone is lying about cheating.
If your partner used to get home from work at 5:30 pm but now is regularly coming home at 7:00 pm with no reasonable explanation, this might be lying behavior.
Someone who lies about cheating may suddenly claim to have more meetings or evening events at work, without any evidence to support this.
One or two occasional late nights at work might not be a sign of lying behavior, but if your partner is frequently getting home later and later, this could be one of the signs of deception.
3. Lack of communication
A healthy relationship requires regular, open communication between partners. If your partner has suddenly stopped communicating with you, this can be a sign of lying behavior.
Your partner may begin to make plans without informing you, or they may be spending significant amounts of time away from home without checking in with you.
Your partner may even begin making important decisions without communicating with you.
On the other hand, you may find that your partner stops communicating with you about their needs.
In this case, there is a chance your partner is having needs met elsewhere or has checked out of the relationship. This is yet another way of how to tell if someone is lying about cheating.
4. How your partner speaks
Observe closely to your partner when they speaks is a proven way of how to tell if someone is lying about cheating.
According to a study in Applied Psycholinguistics, when people tell the truth, they are more likely to use the phrase “um,” which suggests that conversation is flowing naturally and effortlessly.
Similarly, changes in gestures while speaking have been attributed as a sign someone is lying.
A study conducted by the University of Michigan high-stakes court cases to understand how people behave when lying versus when they’re truthful found that those who lie are more likely to gesture with both of their hands than those who are telling the truth
If your partner’s speech, when asked about cheating, seems forced or rehearsed or appears to require significant effort, it could be that they are engaging in lying behavior.
5. Look for signs of increased thinking
Beyond the fact that conversation may not appear effortless when a person is lying, a person who is lying in marriage will also appear to be “thinking harder.”
According to the authors of a report in Trends in Cognitive Sciences, lying is a mentally taxing task.
This means that if a person is lying when questioned about deceptive behavior, they may become more still or appear to be concentrating while concocting a story.
Moreover, liars are more anxious/nervous than truth-tellers. Findings from a study reported that gaze aversion, nervousness, movements, and sweating were cues to deception.
Also, during a lie, a person might have difficulty with other tasks that require mental effort. This is yet another method of how to tell if someone is lying about cheating.
Also watch: The language of lying
6.
Deflecting and projectingFinally, deflecting and projecting are lying behaviors that a person may demonstrate if being deceptive about cheating.
If you confront your partner about cheating and they changes the subject, your partner may be attempting to divert attention elsewhere to avoid coming clean.
Also, your partner may instead turn the tables and accuse you of cheating, which is a tactic called projection.
In this case, your partner is unable to admit to cheating and instead accuses you of doing the very thing they are uncomfortable taking responsibility for.
This is a final way of how to tell if someone is lying about cheating.
There are several signs that a person is engaging in lying in a relationship, and even if they are, this can be difficult for them to admit.
TakeawayOwning up to infidelity can cause shame and regret on the part of the guilty party and understandably lead to trust issues and hurt feelings for the victim.
Suppose you have disagreements with your partner over suspected cheating or have learned of an affair and cannot function healthily in your relationship.
In that case, it is likely time to reach out to a therapist for assistance or complete an online marriage counseling program for dealing with lying in a relationship.
References
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/applied-psycholinguisticshttps://news.umich.edu/lie-detecting-software-uses-real-court-case-data/https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0156615
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Why Does Your Cheating Partner Continue to Lie?
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For many cheaters, the immediate and seemingly best response to the discovery of their betrayal is to dig in with more secrets and lies, but this time to do it more effectively. So they continue to keep secrets, they continue to tell lies, and sometimes they even continue their infidelity.
For a time, many of them even get away with it. In such cases, they tend to think, “Great, problem solved.”
Unfortunately, that is not how it works out over time. Relationship issues (all sorts, not just betrayal) are most definitely not solved by “getting away with it.” Instead, relationship issues are simply swept under the rug and ignored until they can no longer be overlooked—usually because the cheater eventually gets caught (again) in this pattern of secrets, lies, and continued infidelity.
When this happens, of course, the condition of an already fragile relationship will deteriorate even further. And at that point, the only way forward is for the cheating partner to stop keeping secrets and telling lies. The good news is that trust can be rebuilt, and relationships can heal and maybe even become better than ever.
For that to happen, however, the secrets and lies must stop. For cheaters, that process starts when they stop lying to themselves.
Denial
When cheaters engage in denial, they lie to themselves about what they are doing and the impact their behavior is currently having and might have in the future.
They do this as a way to rationalize and justify their obviously hurtful behavior in their own mind. And then, over time, they come to believe their own lies. With that, the internal lies and deceits are externalized with lines like:
- If I had more/different/better sex at home, I wouldn’t need to cheat.
- All I’m doing is looking at a little bit of porn. Everyone does it, and nobody thinks it’s cheating.
- Sure, I go to strip clubs, but I never have sex with the workers.
- My entire world is take, take, take. Nobody appreciates me. So I deserve to have a little fun.
- What my partner doesn’t know can’t hurt him/her.
As stated above, cheaters come to believe their own lies, no matter how outrageous. And with that, their behavior seems utterly reasonable to them in the moment of obsession. Sure, a betrayed partner and even an impartial observer can easily see through this smokescreen. But cheaters who want to continue cheating will still stick to their guns anyway.
Often, it is only in a crisis (getting caught red-handed, for example) that cheaters will finally examine their denial and the reality of their behavior—and sometimes even that is not enough.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is denial taken to such an extreme that it qualifies as a form of psychological abuse. When cheaters gaslight their partners, they present false information and insist that the information is true. Often, betrayed partners are blamed for misunderstanding a situation, causing a situation, or just being crazy. However it occurs, gaslighting flips the script on relationship strife by insisting that the betrayed partner is at fault. The betrayed partner’s thinking and behavior are to blame, not the cheating.
- She’s just a coworker. When she calls here, it’s because we have a project to finish.
- Why are you always so jealous?
- Why do you keep asking me if something is going on? You’re completely paranoid. It’s really annoying.
- I would never do that.
I don’t even look at other women. - You’re just being crazy, and it really upsets me that you don’t trust me.
Over time, gaslighting causes betrayed partners to question their own reality. They start to wonder if maybe their perception of the situation really is askew, despite the ever-growing pile of evidence to the contrary.
Sadly, even the most intelligent and emotionally well-adjusted partners can be taken in by gaslighting. In part, this is because our tendency as human beings is to believe what the people we love tell us. At times, as a way of protecting our connection with a loved one, we will defend, excuse, and flat-out overlook their obviously problematic words and behaviors—especially when their lies and excuses seem sincere.
In larger part, a betrayed partner’s vulnerability to gaslighting is linked to the fact that gaslighting starts slowly and builds gradually over time. It’s like placing a frog in a pot of warm water that is then set to boil.
Because the temperature increases only gradually, the innocent frog never even realizes it’s being cooked. In short, the lies start small and are believable, growing slowly over time into whoppers that the betrayed partner has been conditioned to believe.
Help is out there.
If you have experienced betrayal in your relationship, especially betrayal that is continued with ongoing secrets, lies, manipulation, and gaslighting, help is available.
"Hessian fly". Why did the people dislike the wife of the last Russian tsar so much | History | Society
Konstantin Kudryashov
Estimated reading time: 8 minutes
"Empress Alexandra" by Joseph Arnada Coppey, c. 1900 Public Domain
On June 6, 1872, the fourth daughter was born in the family of the Grand Duke of Hesse and the Rhine.
She was named Victoria Alice Helena Louise Beatrice of Hesse-Darmstadt . Grandmother, the English queen, called her Sunny - Sunshine. Home - Alix. In Russia, where she was destined to become the last empress, when she was baptized into the Orthodox faith, she received the name Alexandra Feodorovna . Behind the eyes - the nickname "Hessian fly".
The perception of rulers among the people, or, as it is commonly expressed in the scientific community, the representation of power, is an important moment in the understanding of certain historical periods. This is especially true of great upheavals like revolutions or the era of reform. Just now, the power was exclusively from God and did not cause doubts about its legitimacy among the people. But then something happens, and people immediately begin to produce tales and legends about their leaders. Peter the Great becomes not only the carpenter tsar, but also the Antichrist, and Ivan the Terrible turns into "Ivashka, the king of blood.
" The last Russian emperor Nicholas II is awarded the same nickname. Something similar happened to his wife, Alexandra Fedorovna. With only one difference. If at first some hopes were still pinned on Nicholas, then we disliked the empress immediately and completely.
Voice of the people
After the family of the last Romanov was canonized, the memory of how the people perceived Alexandra Fedorovna is being obscured by tinsel memories. For example, such: “The Empress organized 4 large bazaars in favor of tuberculosis in 1911, 1912, 1913 and 1914; they brought in a lot of money. She herself worked, drew and embroidered for the bazaar and, despite her poor health, stood at the kiosk all day, surrounded by a huge crowd of people. Little Aleksey Nikolayevich stood next to her on the counter, holding out pens with things to the enthusiastic crowd. The enthusiasm of the population knew no bounds.” However, just a few lines later, the author of these memoirs, maid of honor and closest friend of the Empress Anna Vyrubova , makes a demonstrative reservation: “The people, at that time untouched by revolutionary propaganda, adored Their Majesties, and this can never be forgotten.
”
Interesting case. In 1911, the people, according to the court, turned out to be full of delight in relation to their queen. Blindness is amazing. Because the people themselves, having gone through both the shame of the Russo-Japanese War and the Revolution of 1905-1907, have a completely different opinion. Here is a fragment of one Ural tale: “After the year 905, the queen could not see a stone with red tint. Either she imagined red flags here, or something else stirred her memory, but only from the fifth year onwards, don’t approach the queen with a red stone - she will squeal at the top of her head, she will lose all Russian words and swear in German.
There is no smell of delight here. More like sarcasm. And Alexandra Fedorovna should have observed such an attitude towards her person literally from the first day. Moreover, she herself, voluntarily or involuntarily, gave a reason for this.
Here is what the same Anna Vyrubova says about this: “When Alexandra Feodorovna had just arrived in Russia, she wrote to Countess Rantzau , her sister’s maid of honor, Princess Irene : “My husband is surrounded from everywhere by hypocrisy and deceit. I feel that there is no one here who could be his real support. Few love him and their Fatherland."
For some reason, this is seen as an exceptionally highly spiritual message, full of grief and sorrow. In fact, it is full of arrogance and self-conceit. As soon as she arrives in a foreign country for herself and has not yet learned the language, the wife of the sovereign immediately begins to offend her subjects. According to her authoritative opinion, Russians do not love their Motherland and, in general, all are potential traitors.
Wedding of Nicholas II and Alexandra Feodorovna. Photo: Commons.wikimedia.orgThe underside of "adoration"
The word is not a sparrow, and you can't hide an awl in a bag.
What was the property of the higher spheres, after a couple of days, through servants, stokers and coachmen, becomes the property of the general public. And it is no wonder that after such a sparkling speech by the new queen, the police begin to register more and more cases that pass as "lese majesty."
Alexandra Feodorovna remembered everything. Even things that weren't her fault. So, the marriage of Nicholas and Alexandra, and indeed their entire honeymoon, coincided with mourning for the newly deceased father of Nicholas - Emperor Alexander III . The conclusion among the people was made instantly. And partly prophetic: "This German woman, read it, has entered us on the coffin, will bring misfortune."
Subsequently, everything that comes from Alexandra Feodorovna was subjected to ridicule. All her undertakings - sometimes really good and necessary - became the target of bullying. Sometimes - in an extremely cynical form. It is curious that the king himself was not affected and even pitied.
Here is a fragment of the protocol of one of the cases of "insulting majesty": "Vasily L., a 31-year-old Kazan tradesman, pointing to a portrait of the royal family, said:" This is the first b ... And her daughters b ... And everyone goes to them... But it is a pity for our sovereign - they, b... German, deceive him, therefore the son is not his, but a substitute!
It is impossible to write off this "beauty" to the machinations of Masons or Bolsheviks. If only for the reason that 80% of the guilty verdicts in such cases were handed down to peasants, among whom the same Bolsheviks will start agitation very soon - when the peasants fall under the draft and become soldiers.
However, even then there was no need to agitate specifically against the empress. From the very beginning of the war, she was already declared a German spy and traitor. This popular opinion was so widespread that it reached ears that were not intended for it at all. Here is what 9 writes0016 British Vice-Consul in Moscow Bruce Lockhart : “There are several good stories about the Germanophile tendencies of the Empress.
Here is one of the best. The prince is crying. The nanny says: “Baby, why are you crying?” - "Well, when ours are beaten, dad cries, when the Germans - mom, and when should I cry?"
It was during the war years, among other nicknames of Alexandra Feodorovna, that the “Hessian fly” appeared. There really is such an insect - it is a serious pest attacking rye and wheat, capable of killing the crop almost entirely. Considering that the February Revolution began precisely with a shortage of bread, one cannot help thinking that sometimes the voice of the people is really the voice of God.
Empress Alexandra FeodorovnaRussian historyRomanov dynasty
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| "When you turn on the light upstairs, go to the window and wave," said Tom. "Then I'll know you're all right." — Yes, of course. - Charlotte was about to cross the threshold, but suddenly she realized that, perhaps, she was seeing Tom for the last time. She turned and threw herself on his neck. "Ah, Tom, I can't let you go!" He hugged her tightly. For a few moments they stood in the moonlight. “Go, Charlotte,” he said, pushing her away. She turned back to the door and entered the house with tears in her eyes. Closing the door, she leaned against it with a groan; Tears were still streaming down her cheeks. And then the inner door opened, and a male figure appeared in the light of the candles. Charlotte froze in horror. Roen has returned... and is walking towards her. Gathering her courage, she said: — I was gone all day. When you came back? "I didn't leave," he said in a colorless voice. Charlotte realized her mistake and quickly turned around to run. However, Roen managed to grab her by the fig. - I was looking for you all over the city. Where have you been? Charlotte answered without hesitation: - At the Milroyds. I warned Wend. Didn't she tell you anything? - Liar! He squeezed her hand tightly. “I only left for a few hours and then came back. There are no Milroids in Lisbon. You were with Westling! Confess! Charlotte's eyes darkened. Roen set a trap for her! And she hit her... "I'm not the only one lying," she whispered with whitened lips. “You told me Tom was dead. You left him to die! Ryan shrugged nonchalantly. - It doesn't matter. You are my wife. I told you a long time ago that I will forget about your past, but I will not forgive new sins. He stared into her eyes. Charlotte mentally begged Tom to leave as soon as possible: “Tom, go away, go away quickly! Leave while you can! You will still have happiness in life, but this person will kill me! Roen spoke loudly, and four men came out of the darkness and stood at the front door. Charlotte went cold - she understood what her husband was up to. "Don't touch him," she whispered. "Don't touch him, Roen, and I promise you..." "To hell with your promises," he interrupted with a contemptuous grimace. “You are a lying traitor. I was mad when I took you as my wife. Call Westling, he ordered. - Call him by his name - Tom! Charlotte yelled, about to add "Run, it's a trap!" But Roen had already put his hand over her mouth. Tom, who was waiting outside, heard her scream. He quickly burst into the house - and immediately attacked him from all sides. The attackers were without weapons, but the blows of their fists and boots were lightning fast and accurate. Tom fell to the floor with a groan, and now he was kicked - Stop them, stop them! Charlotte screamed, trying to break free. At these words, Roen's face contorted with such anger that at any other moment Charlotte would have been horrified. "I don't intend to kill your lover," he said, ordering his henchmen to stop. "Then what are you going to do?" Charlotte asked with a tremor in her voice. - I intend to put him on a ship in shackles and send him ... very far away. Charlotte finally realized that Roen had thought things through. While she basked in the arms of Tom, Roen pondered plans for revenge! Charlotte closed her eyes, but opened them again as she heard the senseless Tom being dragged to the door. Roen's voice was filled with malicious glee. - He wakes up at sea, without money, shackled and beaten. And he will suffer, thinking about you. No, I won't kill your lover, Charlotte. Others will do it for me! Charlotte looked at her husband in horror. — What, what are you talking about? she whispered Roen chuckled: “The captain was ordered to keep Westling on the ship for five days, and then throw him overboard in a sack. This captain is one of the Madagascar scoundrels, and I have paid him well, so he will do my bidding. Charlotte recoiled from her husband. “You are lying,” she whispered. "Tell me it's a lie, Roen!" His staccato laugh was an eloquent enough answer. - The ship leaves in an hour. You do not believe me? I'll take you to the port and you'll see for yourself. Charlotte tried to scream, but Roen stuffed a handkerchief into her mouth and tied her hands with a scarf. Then he carried her to the carriage, which had unexpectedly rolled up to the house, and threw her on the seat. All the way he was silent and looked at his wife with a contemptuous smile. As they approached the harbor, he pulled back the curtain covering the carriage window, and in the pale moonlight, Charlotte saw a ship sailing down Tahoe towards the sea. Finally, Roen untied her hands and pulled the gag out of her mouth. — Is there anything you want to tell me, Charlotte? - he asked. "You're not going to cry, beg for mercy?" Charlotte whispered: - Roen, take the boat, chase the ship, bring Tom back! Save him, Roen, and I will agree to everything, I give you my word! He smirked: - It's too late to ask for Westling. I thought you were going to beg to be spared! Too late... too late... Those words sounded like death knell in her ears. - Assassin! Charlotte suddenly screamed. - Killer! In desperation, she pounced on Roen and began to beat him with her fists and scratch with her nails. When he seized her by the hands, she sank her teeth into his hand. With a howl of pain, Roen pushed Charlotte away with such force that she hit her head against the side of the carriage and fell senseless into the seat. Chapter 25 Prisoner of Alfama, summer 1739 She was kept aboard a ship in the harbor for several days. Clenching her teeth, Charlotte thought that the voyage would still be over and that she would be able to break free, that she would be able to find her children and run away with them. She will find the English consul and tell him what has been done to her, she will enlist his help and obtain a divorce. Even if her act is called adultery, people will understand: she was deceived, she was treated with inhuman cruelty. The rats alone were worth it! But the captain once looked at her with a lantern, saw a rat - and since then, a cabin boy has been sitting next to Charlotte, who drove the rats away. When he pulled the gag out of her mouth to give her a drink (no one offered her food), she tried to find out where the ship was heading. Finally, when Charlotte was about to starve to death, she was wrapped in a rough blanket that stank of moldy cheese and carried off the ship. Then they put me in a carriage and took me somewhere. From the sound of hooves, Charlotte determined that she was being taken along the city streets, but she did not know exactly where they were being taken. Finally the carriage stopped and she was carried into the house - she could hear the doors opening and closing - and then carried up the stairs. Charlotte went cold with fear. Is she going to be locked up somewhere? And then they unceremoniously sat her somewhere, removed the blanket from her head, and Charlotte, amazed, found herself sitting in her own bedroom, in a house in Portas del Sol. The room was lit by a candle, and by its light she saw Roen gazing at her with vicious triumph. "Looks like the nights on the ship didn't hurt you," he remarked as he removed the gag from her mouth.    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"Can't you see they're killing him!" You will be called a murderer, and I myself will be the accuser! 
However, she didn't have time to read the ship's name... 
Bound and gagged, Charlotte lay in the dark and heard the rats scurry. In those few days she almost lost her mind, but she was supported by the thought that sooner or later the torment would end - after all, even the longest voyage eventually comes to an end. 
However, the cabin boy spoke in some unfamiliar language, so Charlotte did not manage to learn anything. 
