Why would a young woman date an older man
10 Reasons Why You're Attracted To Older Men (As A Younger Woman)
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Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you figure out where your attraction to older men comes from and if it’s healthy. Simply click here to connect with one via BetterHelp.com.
Are you a young woman who finds herself getting into relationships with older men?
Do your friends or family comment on the fact you always seem to date men from an older age group and constantly ask you why you never date anyone your own age?
You might be asking yourself these same questions now you’ve noticed the pattern in your behavior.
We can’t help who we find attractive, but understanding why you’re attracted to men of a certain age might also help you better understand yourself.
There’s a lot of negative assumptions around the idea of people dating outside their age groups. Younger women who date older men are called ‘Gold Diggers,’ with people assuming that they are only with an older man for his money. Older men dating younger women are labeled as ‘Cradle Snatchers’ or seen as lotharios because they aren’t settling with someone more mature and closer to their own age.
There’s nothing wrong with being in a relationship with a person who isn’t the same age as you. People should be allowed to date and love whoever makes them happy, regardless of what society expects from us.
You can’t always explain why you love who you love, and you shouldn’t feel that you have to. But if you’re still curious about why you gravitate towards older men the way that you do, keep reading to see if any of the below sounds familiar.
1. You crave a stability you never had.
Older men can often symbolize the ideal of a stable lifestyle. Whether it’s the fact that an older man is more likely to be settled in his career and have his finances in a comfortable place, or that he emanates a father-like sense of protection and certainty, he gives the aurora of someone who has his life together.
If you didn’t have a stable or loving childhood, or have struggled with your finances or career to get to the point you are now, finding a partner who can offer you that sense of certainty and stability would be incredibly attractive to you.
Compared to younger men who are still figuring out what they want from life, an older man who knows what he wants and has set himself up in life might look like the safer and more appealing option in terms of a serious relationship.
His job, his home, and his lifestyle are all secure, and by being with him, you’d no longer have the fear that everything could fall apart in a second.
You know where you stand with him and there’s comfort in the knowledge that you’d have a stable lifestyle. There may be less room for spontaneity or change, but maybe you’ve had enough of that in your life already and what you look for most in a partner is someone you can count on to be utterly reliable and steadfast.
As a younger woman, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone who can offer you a peaceful life. You may know exactly how the rest of your life will map out with him, each day much like the next, but for you, that could be exactly what you’ve been missing.
2. You’ve got ‘daddy issues.’
When we talk about daddy issues, this doesn’t have to mean that you’ve had a life-altering, damaging relationship with your father.
In fact, ‘issues’ might be the wrong way to describe the situation that applies to you. But your attraction to older men could still have something to do with your interactions, or lack of, with the father figure in your life so far.
Some women may have always craved affection from their father, either not having one around at all, or never feeling as if they were good enough for their father’s attention.
Their feelings around their father’s disinterest or absence from their life have manifested into a preference for older men when it comes to finding a romantic partner. They may be looking for someone who can step into that father figure role they’ve been missing.
For others, it could be the complete opposite. They may have had such a close relationship with their father and looked up to them growing up, that their father became an idealized version of the man they would eventually want to be with in a relationship. This close relationship with their father has meant that they now find themselves looking for older men as potential life partners who more easily fit into that protective and authoritative role.
Having daddy issues just means that your perception of the father figure role in your life has somehow impacted what you look for in a man and changed your perspective on relationships. You’re looking for a partner who can step into that role as a protector that provides unconditional love; someone with whom you feel safe and taken care of.
If you feel as though your relationship with your father has heavily influenced your choice of partner, you may want to consider speaking to a therapist about how and why you think that is.
It’s ok to have a relationship with men in a different age group, but you want to make sure it’s for the right reasons and that you aren’t just trying to fill an emotional hole in your heart that you’ve yet to properly address.
3. You’ve had bad dating experiences in the past.
If you haven’t had much luck dating men your own age, these experiences might be altering how you approach your current love life.
One bad guy doesn’t mean that all men will be the same, but one bad relationship or dating experience can be hard to forget.
If you feel as though you’ve had no luck in the type of men you’ve been going for so far, you might try the tactic of dating someone completely different to anyone you’ve been with previously.
If it was their immaturity or lack of commitment or obsession with establishing their career that meant your relationship never succeeded with your ex, the idea of dating an older man who is the complete opposite to these younger, unreliable types could become more and more appealing to you.
When you’re sick and tired of men who let you down, you might think that the answers to your problems are found in dating the extreme opposite to your usual type. Your tendency to look towards older men when it comes to finding a partner could be less about your attraction to an older age group and more about your interest in what these men represent: the solution to your past relationship failures.
Making a relationship work is about finding the right person for you at the right time, and isn’t usually as simple as dating the opposite to the man that’s let you down. Just because a man is older doesn’t mean he’s wiser, and for some men, there’s a reason they’re still single later in life.
But keeping an open mind in terms of the type of men you’re attracted to and would consider having a relationship with isn’t a bad thing and could help you find that one person you’ve been looking for, older man or not.
4. Older men know what they want.
Dating can be a puzzle of mind games and second guessing, trying to work out how a man feels about you and if they’re interested in something serious or not.
It can be exhausting trying to not come across too keen while making sure you seem interested enough. Then there’s the headache of trying to work out if they’re serious about a relationship with you or if they’re just in this dating game for a bit of fun.
You’re worried that being upfront about your desire for a serious relationship could put too much pressure on the person you’re dating. At the same time, you want to know if you’re both on the same page about where things are heading.
Trying to handle these precarious dating dilemmas can be the exact reason why some younger women are more attracted to older men. This older age group are likely to be more up front and honest about what they want and where they see your relationship going.
With a man who’s more advanced in age, he’s probably had more experience with relationships than you or other men closer to your age. An older man is more likely to know the type of partner that he’s looking for because he’s had a few more years to think about it and will know when he’s found something special in you.
An older man may be less inclined to indulge in dating mind games. He probably takes a more traditional approach to dating with less swiping and more actual chatting. He doesn’t want to waste time hiding his feelings towards you.
This confident, honest approach can be much more attractive to a younger woman who also feels as though she knows what she wants out of a relationship and is fed up with flakey men her own age.
An older man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to tell you so might be exactly who you feel you need to sweep you off your feet and finally leave behind the uncertainties and disappointment of modern dating.
5. Older men make you feel desirable.
There’s nothing wrong in wanting to feel as though your partner adores you and thinks you’re the most desirable woman in the room.
Older men may not only be more traditional in their approach of wanting to provide for and protect their spouse, but if they are more advanced in age, then you can’t help but feel all eyes on you as the young, dazzling better half.
As physically attractive as the man may yet still be, even if he is older, he may comment on the beauty of your youth in comparison to his more advanced age and make you feel as though no one compares to you.
The contrast between yourself and women his own age will make him more appreciative of you, your youth and energy. Being with an older man who appreciates and is captivated by you because you make him feel young can’t help but make you appreciate their attention more and feel more desirable because of it.
It’s nice to feel as though your partner thinks you’re the most attractive person in the room. There’s a comfort knowing that you’re with someone who adores you and being made to feel like the best version of yourself when you’re with them.
6. An older man can offer a better lifestyle to the one you have.
There’s a reason that women who are seen having relationships with older men rather than men closer to their own age are labeled ‘Gold Diggers.’
The assumption is that these women are only with older men because of the money and lifestyle that they can offer while they’re alive and the chance of inheriting their money when they’re not. Their attraction to wealth and the comfortable lifestyle means that they can look past the age gap and the lack of physical attraction they might have to endure with an older partner.
Although being called a ‘Gold Digger’ is an extreme and offensive term for the situation, for some women, the fact that an older man is likely to have more disposable income and a more established and comfortable lifestyle is part of their attraction to them.
These men are further in their careers, more savvy financially, and want to enjoy the finer things in life.
They’re past the point of saving for their first property or trying to solidify their careers by putting themselves through grueling working hours. They are at a place in their lives where all the work they put in when they were younger is now finally paying off and they, and you, can enjoy the benefits of that.
Maybe, as a younger woman, you’re struggling to afford the lifestyle you want to enjoy and you worry about covering your rent, saving for a house, or keeping your job. In which case, it’s easy to be drawn to someone who has their life mapped out and is at the stage where they don’t have to worry about money and can afford to treat you to luxuries you wouldn’t be able to afford on your own.
Being with an older man who can afford you a better lifestyle doesn’t have to mean you’re only attracted to their money. There’s something attractive about someone who has ‘made it’ in their life – they’ve worked hard and are now reaping the rewards, and you value that about them.
Being with an older man as a younger woman means that you’ve missed the years of hard work and sacrifice that went in to get them where they are now that maybe would have taken its toll on your relationship otherwise. Instead, you’re meeting them at a time in their lives where they are ready for a partner and want to be with someone who they can share their life with and enjoy what they have.
7. An older man is prepared for what a relationship takes.
One main issue with dating men of a similar age to yourself is the fact that you are likely to be one of the first, if not the first, serious relationship they’ve had.
You will be the one they make all the mistakes with, the one who has to cope with the immaturity and commitment issues, and have all the arguments and disappointments that will, in the future, shape them into the better partner you know they can be.
Getting into a relationship with an older man as a younger woman means that you’re getting into a relationship with someone who has already made most of their mistakes. They have had more experience of love over the years and have already learnt the lessons that come from heartbreak.
An older man has the maturity younger men lack that can only come with time and experience. They are more likely to be at a stage in their lives where they are looking for a more serious partner. They’ve established themselves and taken the time to search for the right person, with their past experiences and failed relationships giving them a much clearer picture of who that might be.
Having more experience with relationships means that an older man understands the effort and patience it takes to have a successful and loving partnership with someone, more so than someone your own age.
Their understanding of women will naturally be more complete just because of the experience they have gained over the years, making them a more understanding and committed partner who won’t be scared off at the first sign of conflict.
By dating an older man, you’re dating the finished product (or certainly closer to). Of course you’ll still have your ups and downs, but they will be dealt with in a more considered and mature way.
8. Older men know what women want, inside and outside the bedroom.
Being a younger woman in a relationship with an older man, you benefit from all the things the extra years have taught him.
If a man has had time to experience more relationships, or a few relationships over much longer periods of time, then they will have had more of a chance to get to know how women think and react, and what they want in the bedroom.
Unlike younger men who have less experience of relationships, an older man should have the confidence time brings with it to know how to make a good companion and support their partner both emotionally and physically.
If you’re tired of being with men who don’t know their way around a woman’s body or are selfish in bed, or even just men who don’t understand a woman’s emotional needs, then having a relationship with an older man who you know has the experience you want in a partner is going to be the more attractive option.
Your youth and energy compared to women his age and his confidence and experience means that your sex life has the potential to be much more satisfying and enjoyable than with partners in your own age groups. While his patience and understanding gives you all the emotional support you need.
9. Older men aren’t afraid of marriage.
For many younger men, the idea of marriage is something that they will consider at a distant point in their future. If they are a commitment-phobe then they will avoid the subject, perhaps avoiding being in a monogamous relationship altogether or continually cheating on their partners because the idea of committing to one person for the rest of their life feels overwhelming.
Women, instead, have to live with the constant knowledge of the constraints of their body clocks. If they want children, they don’t have the luxury of time to wait and commit to a relationship if a family unit is what they want.
Children aside, what do you do if you’re not interested in dating around and just want to find someone who will commit to you fully?
Older men may have once been those non-committal guys you feel yourself surrounded by now. They have, however, moved past that time in their life when they wanted to be free of the responsibility a serious relationship brings.
They have had those extra years to work through their commitment issues and may now be more ready to settle down in a marriage or monogamous relationship.
If you know that marriage is what you want and you’re tired of men your own age letting you down, an older man who is at the time in his life where he is ready to settle down and enjoy the comfort a spouse can bring will naturally become the type of person you gravitate towards because they are on the same page as you.
It’s not to say that all younger men are afraid of commitment or that all younger women want to be married or find a serious relationship. But it’s more likely that an older man with friends and family who may already be settled down will prioritize finding a steady partner much more than a younger man whose friends are all still like him – single and free.
If you feel ready to commit and are struggling to find a partner who wants to do the same, an older man who knows what he wants and values everything a partner can bring may be the more attractive option for you despite the age gap.
10. Older men are more ready to have a family.
Being at a later stage of life, a man more advanced in age than yourself will have had the chance to tick off a lot of the things that he wanted to do earlier in life, free of the responsibilities of children and a wife.
If you are someone who wants to have children at an earlier age, or are conscious of your body clock and want to start building your own family unit, then you may find it difficult to meet a man your age who feels the same way.
Children are the biggest commitment you could ever make. They are a financial drain and come with a level of responsibility unique to bringing a human into this world.
Faced with the choice of this pressure and responsibility, many younger men may see children as something to consider having much later on in their life rather than right now.
But if you are someone who doesn’t want to wait to have children, then you may find yourself attracted to older men who are much more likely to give you the family that you want right now.
A man older than yourself will have had the chance to have more experiences free of the pressure of needing to be around for a wife and children. Now at a later stage in life, not only may they be more able to provide the financial security raising a family requires, but they may be more ready themselves to embark on the journey of having a family. They have enjoyed their youth but now want something more from life in their later years.
If you’re looking to find someone who is ready to be a good partner and father, then you want to be with someone who is not scared off by the responsibility of a family and is ready for the challenge of parenthood. You need someone who has considered the ups and downs family life will inevitably bring and is still willing to embark on the journey with you.
A younger woman might feel more comfortable in having a family with an older man because he is finally ready to commit to being a father and won’t always be pining after the freedom he’s given up to be one.
Being attracted to an older man as a younger woman shouldn’t be something you worry about.
Your preferences in a romantic relationship are yours alone and shouldn’t have to be explained or justified to anybody. As long as you are happy, that is all that really matters.
If you’re worried that choosing to date an older man might impact how your friends or family react around you and your partner, don’t be. If it’s meant to last and your loved ones genuinely care about your happiness, you’ll all find a way to make it work.
Being attracted to an older man might simply be because you want something more than the men in your age group. Your maturity is beyond that of the people of your own age, and you identify more with the lifestyle and goals of someone in a later stage of life.
Whatever the reason, you shouldn’t feel bad because of how you feel. Your relationships are your own business and no one else should have the right to tell you how you should be feeling or judge you for them.
Picking the right partner is about finding someone who makes you happy and brings out the best in you. Whoever that is, whatever their age, you don’t have to understand the reason why, just hold on to them and enjoy life by their side.
Still not sure why you’re attracted to older men? Having a preference for an older, father or mentor figure as your life partner may stem back to unresolved feelings you have towards men in authoritative positions in your life. If you want to know whether your past experiences might be influencing how you feel, try talking to a therapist. They can help you address some of the internalized feelings you may have and try to make sense of how they are impacting your life.
Simply click here to connect with one of the experienced therapists on BetterHelp.com.
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Why Are Women in Their 20s Get Attracted to Older Men?
Okay, Evan, I agree mostly with your opinion on younger men/older women. What do you say about the reverse? I mean, I can see why an older man would want to date a younger woman – physically, that is, but why would a 28-year-old woman be attracted to older men and want to date a man 45 or more?
The conventional wisdom as to why older men tend to go for younger women is straightforward. Younger women, for the most part, are in better shape, with better skin and less baggage from broken relationships. Life experience creates wisdom – but it also creates responsibilities and complications — mortgage, kids, career, etc. All of this makes dating more and more complex as we get older.
It’s a lot easier for a man to take out a carefree, responsibility-free, baggage-free, wrinkle-free 28-year-old, which is why so many men try to go in that direction. I’m not condoning this. I’m OBSERVING that it happens.
Still, most of them fail miserably, for the exact same reasons that I think Penelope is suggesting. Older guys want much younger women, but rarely do much younger women want much older men. Put another way, if a woman has an array of other quality options closer to her age range, what incentives would she have to date an older man who is SEVENTEEN YEARS OLDER?
She doesn’t NEED an older man who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30. Or 35. Or 40.
Not many, I’m thinking.
Before any 40+ people get all hot and bothered about this — I am not judging. There is nothing wrong with aging. I do think people improve with age (my wife is nodding). But let’s not pretend that we, as a culture, don’t worship at the altar of youth. If you’re over the age of 40 and have ever said, “But I’m told I look five years younger than my age,” then you’re not immune to it yourself. But see, for older men who covet younger women, it’s not whether you look good for your age — it’s what age you really are.
Because it’s competitive out there for all of us, people have choices. And nobody has more choices than a 28-year-old woman. If women date a guy who is 6’2”, makes $400,000+, likes skiing, is within ten miles of her house, and is within five years of her own age, you know what? She could probably find him. All she has to do is go on a dating app and wade through a few thousand applicants.
The point is, she doesn’t NEED an older man who’s 45. She can find that same amazing guy at age 30, 35, 40, or younger. She doesn’t need an older man who will be taking Viagra when she’s sexually peaking at 43.
Don’t get me wrong. There are advantages in a 45-year-old guy. Now that I’ve passed that age, I get it. At 45, he’s a man. He’s got the job, the home, the car and has been divorced with a kid already. So if a woman finds it more appealing to just step into that world — to jump from the prolonged adolescence of the late 20s into full-fledged settled-down womanhood — that could make sense.
Of course, there are many other things that are attractive about older men. Older men embody wisdom and stability. Older men can afford nicer restaurants and vacations and have cultivated greater tastes in the arts. Older men are more experienced, more chivalrous, and more likely to want to settle down than twentysomething younger guys or party boys.
And yet, they probably resemble Penelope’s dad more than they resemble her brother…
This is the most compelling reason why younger women might be attracted to older men: they’re daddy substitutes. An older man is going to be the strong, nurturing guy who takes care of her, teaches her, and treats her like a princess — the kind of relationship that she probably lacked growing up.
Hey, I’m no psychologist — just your friendly, neighborhood dating coach. But I do know women and have coached many women in their 20s. And the truth is that most of them are completely creeped out at the prospect of dating a guy with a significant age gap who was alive two decades before she was born.
Whether we like it or not, there is nearly a full generation age difference between 28 and 45. A few women may bridge this gap for lust or money or dimestore psychological reasons, but most of the 28-year-old women who come to me for dating coaching would prefer to date a great, stable 30-40-year-old.
Okay, older men – tell me why I’m wrong. But don’t forget, you and your younger girlfriends are the exceptions. I’m writing about the RULE.
By the way, my wife wants it on record that she would totally have slept with Harrison Ford when he was in his 60s. So there’s that.
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whether to date him, the disadvantages of such a relationship
We fully understand those girls who like men much older - adult men seem completely devoid of the flaws inherent in their peers. But sometimes a serious relationship with a gentleman of respectable age is not a good story. Let's explain why we think so.
Pros and cons
Couples in which the woman is noticeably younger than her chosen one are eye-catching. The people around begin to guess whether she is walking or having lunch in a cafe with her dad or with her lover. It seems that awkwardness in these cases haunts all parties - both observers and the main characters. But our message is not connected with the concepts of youth and old age, as such. When a man in a couple is much older than a woman, the essence of the arguments against this union comes down to objective factors.
He may be an old bachelor
A man who has never been married or has been for a long time. A man who did not have a really serious and really long relationship. Do you know why? Because he never wanted to. And he doesn't want to now. If a man is much older than a woman, she is unlikely to be able to change it.
The problem is that an allegedly serious romance lasting a couple of years suits him perfectly and he will not want to let you go before. And do not hope that you can easily leave or, on the contrary, become for him the very first and only woman whom he will finally marry. We wonder why a girl chooses a man much older than herself, believing in his reliability. But the whole paradox is that, alas, this is not so. In terms of loyalty, he will probably be all yours, but that forever is not a fact at all.
Couples where the woman is older than the man
“Everything will be different with me” is a myth that is very dangerous to believe. Because he is a pro, and you are not even an amateur yet, and so, a cook. How many noteworthy novels have you had? Three? Five? Don't make his moccasins laugh. Before you, he manipulated dozens of women with great success. And he didn't marry a single one. What can you, with your meager (for him) life experience, oppose to this? Couples where the man is much older do not necessarily continue their journey together through the registry office. He is satisfied with everything and he is sure that you are too.
Most likely, he has Pygmalion's syndrome
But, let's say your dear not a convinced bachelor, but just a man who, for one reason or another, turned out to be free in adulthood. Why is this wonderful option bad, the way is a man and much older? The fact that he may well suffer from Pygmalion's syndrome. That is, not to suffer, but to enjoy. You will suffer.
As you remember, the Greek sculptor Pygmalion sculpted a beautiful statue, named it Galatea and immediately fell in love with her - well, he created the ideal. Then the mighty Aphrodite took pity on the unfortunate and revived the statue. And they lived happily ever after. Very cute myth. Especially when you consider that before meeting with Pygmalion, Galatea was just a piece of ivory. But you are still a living person. And meeting a man with Pygmalion syndrome will not bring you anything good.
Very often a mature man starts a relationship with a young woman, hoping to change her "for himself." To put it bluntly - train. Yes, like a dog. They don’t even hide it: “I’ll find myself a young fool and make a comfortable wife out of her.” Therefore, the love of a much older man is more like a desire to avoid loneliness and creating greenhouse conditions around yourself. This is blatant moral violence. And it’s not a fact that you immediately recognize the problem.
You have a different cultural background
“Our common childhood was spent on primer books alone…” — who sang this? If you're in your thirties, you probably know. If it's less, it's unlikely. Well, it doesn't matter, though it was Makarevich.
When a man is much older than a woman, their cultural upbringing and psychology are very different. The problem is that you and your sweetheart did not have any common childhood at all. And common youth. You are people of different generations. You have nothing to remember and discuss, laughing or crying. This man will understand your mother from a half-word, but will not understand you. As, by the way, and you. This is another gross myth - "people are always the same." No. People are always different. How can people be the same, one of whom spent his youth to the songs of Vysotsky, and the other to the songs of Lagutenko?
You will adapt
Someday you will test it for yourself, but for now, just take my word for it: people of respectable age cannot change their habits. And they don't want to. Because it's extremely hard. That's the way we are, and there's nothing you can do about it.
You are frank with your girlfriend: “I love men much older, I am drawn to them...”. But in reality you underestimate the situation and idealize it. Remember your experience of a serious relationship: immediately after the “candy-bouquet” period, the grinding period begins. Partners adjust to each other in order to find the very state in which everything suits everyone.
So, if a man is much older, you and only you will adjust. He will not change anything in himself for the sake of your relationship, and not even because he does not want to. He just can't. When you do this for decades and not otherwise, you will not break out of the hackneyed rut. This is such a tricky feature of our brain, which is always looking for simple ways. In general, do not rely on compromises. They won't.
You will lose your friends
There is such a thing as ageism. Age discrimination. Initially, the term was introduced as a designation for discrimination against the elderly and old people. But Russian sociologists criticize this concept: why only the elderly? For us, ageism works in the opposite direction! There is nothing to be proud of here, but it is true: the problem of "fathers and children" is still relevant.
Ordinary ageism: all about age discrimination
In a couple, when a man is much older than a girl and she has an environment of peers, it will not work to bring him closer to him. This means that your man will never accept your friends. They are "too stupid" for him. And, if you dare to invite your sweetheart to a party with your friends, you will feel as if you brought a hyena on a string into a decent society. Yes, he will bite, yelp and even shit under the table. That is, he will probably start an ugly quarrel on the subject of "the current generation is a generation of idiots. " And of course you will lose your friends. Maybe forever.
And you won't make new friends.
Don't expect to make new friends either. Those close to your man will never become friendly to you. The most you can count on is condescension: "Lovely, what a fool" from men and "Lovely, what a baby" from women. And why do only girls fall in love with much older men, subjecting themselves to similar humiliations and injustices?
Everything that is important to you now, they have already experienced. They have nothing to talk about with you - well, apart from the fact that they are always ready to teach. Do you remember about ageism? You will run into him even if his friends treat you kindly. And there can be no talk of any full-fledged friendship, of course.
Why would a fifty-year-old woman be friends with you, twenty-five? She dreams of a decent end to her career, and yours hasn't even started yet. There are simply no points of contact and mutual understanding. If she is married, then she has long "grown" with her husband into a single whole, and you are on the threshold of a new relationship. She may soon have grandchildren, and you are only thinking about children. But what can I say - she at the concerts of "Kino" "Eighth Grader" voted. Were you even born after Tsoi passed away? In this age sandbox, there will be only envy (for your youth) and complete misunderstanding.
He probably has children
If you like older men, and they are not much inferior in age to your parents, be prepared to meet their children. Most likely they are your peers or slightly younger than you. And if you think that this is not a problem, you are deeply mistaken. Because these children have a mother. Even if your man broke up with her when you walked under the table, the children will compare you with her. Not in your favor, of course.
However, it happens differently, it's true: you can make friends with them. But only if they want it. And if they don’t want to, you will have to put up with the fact that there are and always will be people in his life who hate you. And somehow live with it. That's why being in a relationship with a much older man teaches you to build up a protective armor against hate. Not much fun, to be honest.
It is difficult to raise children together with him
If your man does have children, he may not want new babies. What for? What is the point of going through all these difficulties again, when here they are, ready-made descendants: already grown, already adults. And even if he wants to have more children, you must understand that you will not see any paternal awe. This is a first for you. This is pregnancy for you - a suddenly opened inner universe, and a child is the center of your world. For a man who raised children, everything is different. For him, your common child is just a child. Nothing special. He's already experienced this.
And if he still hasn't had children, it's even worse. For some reason, fathers of respectable age almost always turn into troublesome mother hens with a paranoia. The child will grow up under a glass jar - and you never know what! Will still blow! It's hard. For you. Because holding the glass jar is your responsibility.
As a result, it remains to think what to do with the prospect of parenthood, if you like men who are much older. If this is an important and fundamental issue for you - to become a mother - such moments are discussed in advance. Without wasting months and years on unpromising relationships.
A new world will open up for you - a very unpleasant one
A world about which you probably don't know much yet. The world of doctors, hospitals and drugs. With age, we all break somewhere, there is no getting away from this. And one way or another, you will be involved in all the problems of his body with mileage. The most annoying thing is why women choose men much older than themselves and forget about this key side of the issue?!
His back hurts in the morning. He cannot go on a spree all night - then he will lie in bed for two days. He must regularly take the prescribed drugs and be examined because he has some kind of chronic sore. Hypertension. Ulcer. Haemorrhoids. Are you sure that you really want to know all this and become a free nurse in the prime of your life?
He is morbidly jealous
There are exceptions to this rule, but they are very rare. In every young man who is next to you, your sweetheart will see a potential rival. Because any youngster in the future will acquire everything that your man already has: life experience and financial well-being will not go anywhere from him if he is not a fool.
But your man will no longer have a strong, young and beautiful body. Everything, finita. And if you think that jealousy will please you, you are mistaken. Because there are a lot of young men. Lots of. So it’s easier to deprive you of your personal freedom: throw wild scenes at you for being 5 minutes late, arrange interrogations with passion and demand constant proof of love from you. Nightmare story. When you once again share with your friends the problem a la “I fall in love with men much older”, remember that passions will rage more likely in his unfounded accusations, and not in bed.
You are too much for him
We become less emotional as we age, it's true. A worn out nervous system must be protected. This is another reason why girls like much older men. Less Italian passions and slamming the door, which with a young lover can be unrealistically fed up.
But here there is a bias in the other direction. The excitement that fills your week will be enough for a woman of his age for a month, and for him himself for a year. What makes you seriously worry, he has already lived and experienced. If he doesn’t have empathy, you won’t get any support: “What are you doing nonsense, everything will pass, and this too.” If his empathy is highly developed, he will move away from you. Because you are too much for him. It is hard for him to get involved in so many joys and problems. Tu match. A safe harbor without much manifestation of feelings and emotions. Complete calm.
And one more thing...
We have to disappoint you, but erectile dysfunction is getting younger. Especially in metropolitan areas. If at first sex with a much older man you may be madly in love with the manifestation of reverent care and special tenderness, then it remains to play roulette. What if it doesn't shoot today?
So, maybe you have 10 years of active sex life ahead of you, and then... And then you will be 40, and he will be 65. And, you know, there is little pleasant in this. Very little. And this most pleasant thing will have to be literally mined. And, since we are talking about sex, it is important to understand this: he already had everything. What is an exciting discovery for you, for him is a pleasant repetition of the material covered. We don't think it's very interesting. Especially considering the fact that even this joy, in general, is not for long.
What to do if he lost his erection
Even examples of on-screen unions cannot convince us that too much age difference is great for both partners. As captivating as the film is, the passion shown in a couple where the man is much older than the woman remains only the director's imagination.
Action movie with incomparable Catherine Zeta-Jones and brutal Sean Connery "The Trap" attracts with an exciting plot, but not with a love line. He is professional 69-year-old thief, and she is a 30-year-old insurance company interrogator. Although they, in fact, have a single craft, this tandem looks ridiculous.
There are also opposite options for the development of intrigue. Movies where the woman is much older than the man, for the most part, end with a sad denouement. The touching story of Kate Winslet and Ralph Fiennes in the drama The Reader is striking in its tragedy and depth. And these relationships are doomed.
20 year old girls explained why they like mature men
Scientists from the University of Colorado tried to decipher the phenomenon of the emergence of relationships between young girls and mature men - and found that such novels are involved not only in sex and money. To verify this, Gazeta.Ru talked to 20-year-old girls who met with accomplished people and talked about why today no one is embarrassed by “over 30”.
To denote the relationship between a young girl and an adult man, it is often customary to use the offensive English wording "sugar daddy", which is translated into Russian by the equally unpleasant word "daddy". This type of relationship suggests that a woman is at least financially dependent on a man - it is also believed that a man raises his self-esteem by having an affair with a pretty young girl.
Researchers said this week that there's more to daddy relationships with young women than the simple exchange of money for sex. Maren Skull, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Colorado, Denver, said that the few US scientists who have tried to find a scientific justification for this phenomenon "most often describe it as a type of prostitution." Her own analysis was carried out on the basis of 48 interviews with various respondents, and in the end it became clear that such relationships can be very diverse and often tied to various psychological and physical reasons.
The idea that girls who have just come of age actually trade sexual contact for goods and money is outdated by Skull.
To test the researcher's calculations, Gazeta.Ru discussed relationships with a noticeable age difference with young girls for whom the security of an older partner was not a key factor. Muscovites in the age category under 25 talked about what attracts them to relationships with men over 30 and about how mature men are better than their peers.
The interest of one of the interlocutors of the publication “in particular to men” is almost of a sporting nature. According to her, dating people 10-15 years older than you is a special skill: it’s easy to communicate with your peers because you think the same way, but it’s quite another thing to “get the attention of an older person who knows more than you, interest him and support him. the level of communication is at its bar.”
Another 22-year-old Muscovite is dating a 31-year-old man and says that she always had a goal of dating someone more experienced, because they "are not old yet, but they already know something." And peers at the university and at various events after that do not attract the girl at all.
Muscovite Anait is 24 years old, and her boyfriend Tigran is 30. She says that her previous boyfriend was two years older than her, and there is a difference. “Next to Tigran, I feel much safer, there are global topics for communication. Since we are Armenians, we don’t have a sexual life before marriage, so I can’t share anything here yet, but I think that there are no reasons for concern.”
Anahit notes that her lover had no problems communicating with her parents because of a small age difference. “He is 15 years younger than his mother, and 18 years younger than his father. Therefore, he calmly communicates with them on“ you ”, addresses them by name and they consider him not a child, but equal to themselves,” the girl noted. She also stressed that the man was the first to whom she wanted to "obey, trust his views, life experience and so on." According to Anahit, the only disadvantage in more serious communication with an adult man is his elderly mother and father: "old school".
Everyone interviewed by Gazeta.Ru noted the broader horizons and determination of mature lovers and made unflattering comparisons with young people under 30 who "do not know what they want. " It is significant that all the interlocutors of Gazeta.Ru resorted to the last wording.
The story of 22-year-old Kristine's parents, who also had a big age difference with her lover, gives a slightly different view on the topic, although the girl herself considers the beginning of a relationship a little “mercantile”. “My mother was 16, he was in his 30s. My mother said that she came out from somewhere, and he was standing in a tracksuit next to a sports car, and this attracted her attention.” Today, the girl is firmly convinced that her father performed a parental function for her mother: “After 23 years and after 10 years of their life together, I can say that it was he who raised her.”
“The manner of communication, behavior, statements, attitude towards oneself and other people are absolutely identical, they almost call people names with the same words,” Kristine explained and added that her mother still denies this.
For 21-year-old Arina, a man who is over 30 is, first of all, a person whose life experience allows him not to say “obvious things” aloud, because he, guided by his knowledge, can draw correct conclusions .
In general, young women who have had experience of relationships with mature men agree that such a romance is a valuable and pleasant life experience that helps to develop, on the one hand, and relieve themselves of responsibility for their lives, on the other .
“I was in a relationship with a 34-year-old man, and it was probably one of the most pleasant experiences in my life, because with no one else did I manage to feel like such a little princess, whose problems automatically fall on the shoulders of a strong person."
The girl emphasized that the sense of security that the companion provided made it possible to understand that he was not going to assert himself at her expense, as was the case in previous and subsequent relationships. However, complexes and unresolved psychological problems do not have an expiration date, so she was probably just lucky.
Another girl, Alexandra, admitted that this experience was a new starting point for her. “You finally see how your relationships with men should be arranged, and this is not that eternal nightmare when you both do not understand what is happening,” she said.