Why men always want sex
Why Do Men Always Want Sex?
Understanding why men always want sex can give you a deeper understanding of the dynamics of your relationship. In this article, we’ll learn why men want sex all the time, signs that we’re frustrated, and what you can do (from a guy’s perspective).
Why Are Men Always Horny
For men, sex isn’t JUST about the physical. It’s connected to so many other aspects in our lives like confidence, self-worth, connection, and validation.
For some, it’s a means to feel valued/validated/needed by their partner.
For others, it’s a means of connection. Sure it might be hidden behind all that machismo, but in most, if not every guy, there’s a need to connect emotionally as well and the physical connection is a means to provide that.
Since sex is rooted in so many aspects of a man’s being, the desire for it seems non-stop.
Signs Your Man Is Sexually Frustrated
It’s true, men think with their dicks. And we’re not the most emotionally intelligent either. To be honest, I’m not sure if most men even realize sex is more than just about the physical. But whether it’s realized or not, it can’t be denied otherwise sexual frustration wouldn’t rear its ugly head in all these different ways.
1. Communicating Less
Sex is a means for emotional connection and when there’s little sex, there’s going to be little emotional connection. When we’re not feeling connected, you might find that we are not communicating with you as much, or wondering how your day was…you get the idea.
2. Emotionally Unstable (aka Being A Jerk)
Is the once stable and supportive man…no longer stable and supportive? Mood swings much? If his valleys seem lower than normal, the lack of connection stemming from the lack of sex could be destabilizing his emotional core.
3. He’s Spending More Time On His Hobbies
Do you find that he’s investing more time at the gym? Or golf? With his friends? Work? Not to say he shouldn’t be, but there is a healthy balance and if you feel like he’s not wanting to just be with you, he might not feel as connected with you. The more connected, the more time he’ll want to spend with you.
What You Can Do About His Sexual Frustration
Dealing with sexual frustration is a JOINT RESPONSIBILITY. Men need to be making EVERY effort to meet his partner at their emotional connection points. When that’s happening, then ladies…
1. Although It’s Not Your Priority, It Might Be His
If his priorities were always placed before yours, that would be horrible. Just how you need communication and emotional support, your partner may need sex. Again, not just for the physicality, but because of everything it’s tied to (validation, emotional connection, and more).
2. We Get Tired Too
Your reasons are ALL VALID. It’s when the excuses are consistent that it makes us feel less of a man and not wanted. Imagine everyday for a week, if he were too tired to talk about your horrible day? Or even 6 out of the 7 days he was just not emotionally available to you? It would be a horrible feeling and the same applies here. Consistent excuses communicate a lot.
3. Paradigm Shift
It’s more than just sex for men. It’s really difficult because men and women often approach connecting with each other on completely opposite sides of the spectrum. This is a generalization, but women find connection through quality time, words of affirmation, emotional support. It draws them closer to their man and it culminates to sex. Men on the other hand, often feel the emotional connection through the physical.
I’m not proposing that women just give it up to keep a guy happy. Instead, I’m proposing to see his desire for sex as a desire to be close to you.
Up Next: How Sex Can Strengthen The Relationship
Why men love sex more than women
31 May 2018
Image: Getty Images
FOR many couples, a new relationship usually comes with a high sex drive and you cannot get enough of each other. But for Zodwa Mlangeni*, the honeymoon never ended. Instead, a year into her relationship, she finds herself dealing with a peculiar sexual problem. “My man is obsessed with sex,” she complains. “It doesn’t matter what’s going on – work, deadlines, coming back home after a night out, being on my period or even me being tired - he wants it all the time.”
THE LINE BETWEEN NORMAL AND OVERDRIVE
According to social psychologist, Roy Baumeister, it’s expected that your man will have a sex drive higher than yours. Through a study observing sexual habits between males and females, he asserts that men are more sexual than women. “The majority of adult men under 60 think about sex at least once a day. Only about one-quarter of women say they think about it that frequently. As men and women age, each fantasise less, but men still fantasise about twice as often,” he says, adding, “Men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it and after many years of it.”
LANGUAGE OF INTIMACY
Psychotherapist, Esther Perel, says the reason men seem obsessed with sex is that they experience it differently from women. “For women, it is more about the anticipation and how you get there. It is the longing that is the fuel for desire. Women’s desire is more layered on emotion,” she says. “Men don’t need to have nearly as much imagination. That doesn’t mean men don’t seek intimacy, love and connection in a relationship. They just view the role of sex differently. Women want to talk first, connect first, then have sex. For men, sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side. It is their language of intimacy.”
Still, there is such a thing as being obsessed with sex. Owen Radian of Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity (ATSAC), explains that sexual obsession is an addiction and that like all other types of addition, such as gambling, alcohol or drugs, it is a disease. “It is an increasingly common condition that is destroying lives just like substance addictions do,” he says. “People with low sex drives get addicted to sex too and it’s not just about watching too much porn, it includes any kind of uncontrollable sexual activity such as compulsively engaging in prostitution, social media driven hook-ups, exhibitionism (exposing parts of your body publicly), masturbation, serial affairs and repetitively frequenting sex environments such as strip clubs and sex shops.”
SIGNS THAT HE IS OBSESSED
The following could be signs that he is obsessed:
¦ An unhealthy love of pornography that’s mostly watched in secret.
¦ Many sex addicts still masturbate even after sex.
¦ He’s extremely confident sexually and sometimes slightly aggressive.
¦ He becomes very angry and uptight if you withhold sex when he demands it. * Not her real name
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Do men really need more sex than women
June 25, 2020 Education Sex
It turns out that cultural attitudes in this matter can be much more important than physiology.
Author of Lifehacker, athlete, CCM
You can listen to this article. If it's convenient for you, turn on the podcast.
Men want more sex, moreover, with different partners. This is inherent in nature: the male must fertilize the maximum number of females. Women do not really need sex: once is enough to conceive a child. This partly explains adultery on the male side.
This opinion is still supported by many people. Let's see where it came from and how much truth is in it.
How things are in animals
In 1948, the English geneticist Angus Bateman noticed that male fruit flies have more sexual relations and offspring from different females than females. Since mating is less costly than oviposition, Bateman concluded that males are promiscuous, while females are selective and copulate much less frequently.
This theory was applied to all mammals, including humans, and it was concluded that males want to fertilize as many females as possible, and females want to choose one and receive help from him in raising offspring.
But not everything is so simple in the animal world. For example, in primates, both partners benefit from side-by-side mating. Due to diversity, all participants in the process increase the chances of survival of children. Treason is also found among extremely monogamous birds: "husbands" fly away to breed in other nests, and at this time guests fly to their "wives".
It used to be that it was the males who forced the females to mate, but later it was discovered that they themselves were actively asking for it. This is useful for the survival of future generations: the more diverse the genes, the greater the chance that one of the cubs will be more successful.
Scientists suggest that when both parents affect survival, their method of pairing, choosing a sexual partner, and caring for offspring are strikingly similar.
Both sexes have mechanisms for creating long-term couples, and reasons for looking for connections on the side.
Who is more selective in sex among people
It is widely believed that men do not care who they sleep with, but women are selective. This is explained by the large reproductive contribution of a woman: if you have to bear a child for nine months, and then carry it around with you for another three years, you need to carefully choose who it will be from. However, this is true only for societies in which the male does not care for the offspring.
Scientists tested 18 populations and found that in monogamous societies, men and women have approximately the same number of partners and children from different sexual relationships. Moreover, intelligibility in sex does not depend on gender, but on the characteristics of the environment. In populations where there is little choice, and the quality of partners is about the same, no one will be picky. And where there is a large choice and parents equally care about the child, everyone will be picky.
It was also previously believed that men were more prone to casual sex with strangers, but in the end it turned out that this also depends on the context.
In one experiment, subjects were asked how they would rate a stranger who offered them sex, and what would be their response. It turned out that a woman offering sex is perceived as more intelligent, sophisticated and successful than a guy who does the same.
This explains why men were more likely to agree to such a connection. Moreover, when participants were told that a celebrity and attractive person or a sexually sophisticated person was proposing intimacy, the percentage of those who agreed was the same for both sexes.
Men and women alike agree to a relationship with a stranger if he is cool or good in bed.
What about attraction
Some 20th century research confirms that men desire sex more often and have more sexual partners than women. As a rule, research on such topics is carried out in the form of surveys. But what a person reports and what he actually does do not always coincide.
In one experiment, participants were asked to name the number of sexual partners, but they were warned that scientists could check the veracity of the answers. As a result, the number of men and women became equal.
Men don't need more sex in family relationships either. An analysis of 133 couples showed that both parties are equally likely to be a partner who needs less sex.
Sexual desire is not a constant feature, like hair color or temperament, but a changeable feature. In the same person, intimate desire can vary depending on the specific partner or even on the stage of the relationship.
By examining attraction as a variable characteristic, scientists have found that it does not differ between the sexes.
Men and women react in the same way to watching movies of a sexual nature, listening to audio with coitus sounds and imaginary situations: erotic stories and fantasies.
Scientists have suggested that the difference in attraction between men and women, which is often observed in experiments, can be explained by cultural stereotypes.
How culture influences attitudes toward sex
There are two theories about what influenced cultural norms about sex.
The first has to do with the evolutionary cost of change. If a man cheats on a woman (provided that he does not leave the family), she essentially loses nothing. If a woman cheats, a man brings up someone else's child, and this is a reproductive failure. Their genes are not transferred, and resources are spent on the continuation of the alien family. Therefore, both in the animal world and in humans, the protection of the female individual from encroachment is so common.
To facilitate this protection, men have imposed a lack of sexual interest on women through culture and religion. Of course, physical violence and moral humiliation of a traitor also take place, but persuasion works much better. No forbidden fruits: you don't need sex, period.
Scientists note that in societies where women do not have the opportunity to earn money, and the role of men in the family is extremely high, there are especially strong moral standards regarding female adultery. The head of the family must know what provides for his children.
There is also an alternative theory: women themselves encourage this belief and suppress their own sexuality.
The reasons for such mockery of oneself are the desire to reduce the risk of error by contacting the wrong partner and giving birth to a child from him, and also to use sex as a means of influencing men. This is so nice, but if you can also get a profit, why not? However, the authors of the theory themselves indicate that laws and religious norms were introduced by men, and women only observed them. Therefore, the hypothesis is controversial and requires further evidence.
Whatever the reasons, the fact remains that culture forces women to be modest and faithful, and men to have sex more often and have more sexual partners. Perhaps with increased income and women's independence, this picture will change.
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Why men constantly want sex: scientific explanations
Passion, falling in love, romance, desire, goosebumps. .. - these words can describe the feeling of ecstasy and pleasure from another person.
When it comes to love and sex, women and men react differently. Don't be so quick to blame each other. Let's see what the science says about this.
Love is a chemical reaction in the brain, or rather, a combination of domaphine, oxytocin, testosterone, esterogen and norepinephrine. But in women and men, these combinations are different.
RELATED: What is the difference between happiness and pleasure: 4 reasons you didn't think about
Testosterone and oxytocin
Everyone knows that testosterone is a hormone that is responsible for sexual desire. It has been proven that in the male body it is 10-20 times more than in the female. This is why men want sex more often and more than women.
Ocytocin is the “hormone of love”. It is more in the female body than in the male. That is why women are more prone to emotions, attachments, tenderness, and also more often, faster and more fall in love with men after they meet.
Interesting: when people are in love, oxytocin is released in both male and female bodies, causing warm and tender feelings for the object of sympathy. That is why they say that when a person is in love, he shines - this hormone causes blood flow to the cheeks and a blush appears on them.
IN THE TOPIC: Why men leave: 3 unusual reasons from a psychologist
stage grow together and romance. She showed them photos of the second halves and tracked the reaction of the brain. As a result, I was convinced that during falling in love, both men and women release dopamine - the “happiness hormone”, but at the same time, in men, the brain area responsible for sexual arousal, which depends on visual images, turns on more. At the same time, women turned on the area of the brain that is responsible for memory, emotions, pleasure.
Scientists who have studied the human brain in the stage of falling in love have come to the conclusion that there are 3 separate systems of love: passion, romantic love and attachment. Each of these systems is associated with hormonal activity, which causes certain sensations and feelings that affect the behavior of women and men.
This is a disease
Love is a feeling that can really pass into the stage of illness. Experts compare it with the euphoria of drug use, in particular cocaine. Unrequited love causes psychosis, from which women most often suffer.
This is due to high levels of oxytocin, the “hormone of love,” and low levels of serotonin, the “hormone of happiness,” which leads to depression, internal anxiety, lack of sleep and appetite. A person who is unrequitedly in love or has lost a loved one can really be classified as "sick". And so he decided not, but his brain.
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