Why have i been so emotional lately female

Why Am I So Emotional? 15 Reasons and What to do

Feeling heightened emotions or like you’re unable to control your emotions can come down to diet choices, genetics, or stress. It can also be due to an underlying health condition, such as a mood disorder or hormones.

Emotions are typical, but sometimes after an outburst or a crying session, you may be wondering why you’re feeling so emotional.

Here you can learn the most common reasons for heightened emotions. Feeling strong emotions isn’t always bad, but there are things you can do to cope better if you need to.

1. You’re human

You may be feeling emotional today. But guess what? You’re allowed to be.

We all feel happy, sad, low, or exhilarated. Emotions are a typical part of who we are as humans. Everyone processes events and emotions differently.

You may just feel things a bit more than others; or, you might just be feeling extra sensitive today.

If someone tells you to be less emotional, they’re probably basing it on societal standards. Don’t let them put you down. Emotions aren’t weak. They’re human.

What you can do

Sometimes, your heightened emotions may negatively affect your day-to-day life, for example, in your relationships with family, friends, or colleagues.

In this case, speaking with a therapist or counselor can help you understand the reason behind your feelings and learn strategies to lower the impact of these emotions on your life.

In addition, Mental Health America recommends trying the following tips at your leisure:

Pause your actions. It may help to count to 100 or say the alphabet backward.
Acknowledge what you’re feeling.
Think through your feeling and the reasons behind them.
Determine what may make you feel better. This could be getting something to eat, doing a fun activity, or simply allowing yourself to cry.

2. Genetics

Some people truly are more sensitive than others. While emotions are typical, being naturally more emotional may actually have a genetic component. Research indicates that about 20% to 60% of your temperament can be determined by genetics.

A personality trait called sensory processing sensitivity is a quality where someone processes the world more deeply. This includes the moods and feelings of others, as well as pain and loud noises.

In a 2021 study comparing the levels of sensitivity within sets of adolescent twins, researchers found that 47% of the differences in sensitivity between the twins were genetic. This finding supports the idea that emotional sensitivity can be inherited. In cases when siblings present with different temperaments, this difference can also partly be determined by DNA.

What you can do

Research also shows that if you have a family member with an affective disorder such as major depression, you may also have a higher risk of experiencing one.

There’s very little you can do about your genetics. After all, you are who you are. For this reason, getting therapy if you’re experiencing distressing emotions and working on self-acceptance can be enormously helpful.

Different ways to approach this include:

Mindfulness
Meditation or yoga
Psychotherapy
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
Emotional regulation therapy

Learn more on how to become the boss of your emotions.

3. Lack of sleep

Everyone knows what it’s like to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, so it’s not hard to imagine that a lack of sleep can affect your emotional well-being.

Sleep deprivation has several effects on your body, including:

trouble thinking and concentrating
higher risk of anxiety or depression
weakened immune system
poor balance and higher risk of accidents

It can affect your mood, too, especially the longer sleep deprivation occurs.

Studies have shown that sleep may be linked to emotional regulation, so getting less sleep may cause your emotions to seem out of whack.

Feeling more irritable or easier to anger is common when chronically sleep-deprived.

What you can do

The American Academy of Sleep Medicine and the Sleep Research Society recommend that adults sleep for at least 7 hours a night. Adolescents and children require 8 to 14 hours a night, depending on their age.

Strategies that can help you get better sleep include:

keeping a consistent bedtime
limiting bright lights in your bedroom
removing electronics from your bedroom
getting regular exercise
not smoking
limiting heavy meals, caffeine, or alcohol before bed

Learn more tips on how to sleep better.

4. Lack of exercise

We’ve all heard the physical health benefits of exercise, but exercise can also have a big effect on mood and emotions.

A 2018 study showed that regular physical exercise can contribute to better emotional regulation during stressful times.

Another 2017 study also showed that aerobic exercise had a therapeutic effect on regulating emotions.

What you can do

If you’re feeling extra emotional, jumping on a treadmill or going for a jog could help alleviate it.

According to the “Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans, 2nd edition,” you should aim to get at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity a week.

5. An unhealthy diet

Everything you eat affects your body, and a healthy diet can improve your overall well-being and mental health.

It may come down to your eating foods if you’re feeling emotional.

Research has found that eating an unhealthy diet can negatively influence your mood. In particular, foods that are high on the glycemic index, such as carbohydrates, may increase the incidence of depressive symptoms.

What you can do

This doesn’t mean that you necessarily need to completely avoid entire food groups. Eating a balanced diet is the best way to support both your physical and mental health.

In particular, you may wish to:

Make sure you’re consuming a nutrient-dense diet. Following a Mediterranean diet is one good way to make sure you’re getting the right amounts of all the nutrients you need.
Avoid processed, fatty, and fast foods.
Avoid skipping meals.
Make sure you’re not lacking vital vitamins and minerals. Consult with a doctor to see if you’d benefit from dietary supplements.

Pro tip: Mix things up
Not getting varied enough, nutrient-dense foods can mean you’re relying too heavily on one area of the food pyramid. This will likely lead to vitamin and nutrient deficiencies that can affect your mood and health.

6. Stress

Stress can take a toll on our bodies. If you’re feeling stressed or burnt out, you’re likely going to feel a little emotional.

There are many reasons you may experience stress. For example, when major life events or big changes occur, you’re inevitably going to feel the stress — no matter how well you plan for it.

A 2018 study also revealed that living with high stress levels can increase negative emotions such as anger or depression.

In particular, the study showed that the more stress you feel, the more you tend to ruminate on what’s making you stressed, which in turn increases your negative emotions.

What you can do

Coping with stress or anxiety involves many of the same strategies you’d use to cope with any challenging emotion.

Speaking with a counselor, a supportive family member or a friend can help.

In addition, leading a healthy lifestyle, taking time to do activities you enjoy, and limiting the use of substances and alcohol can help you manage day-to-day stress.

Learn more on how to cope with anxiety.

7. Grief

Grief is a varied, complicated, and messy thing. Grieving the loss of someone is one of the hardest things that we all universally go through. So if you’re not feeling yourself, or your emotions don’t feel the same, that’s typical.

Grief doesn’t have to just be about losing a loved one. You can grieve for your past self, a child you never had, or even a breakup.

We all handle loss differently and go through the stages of grief at different times, and we may not come out on the other side the same.

What you can do

Everybody grieves differently, and this is OK. Sometimes part of the grieving process can be simply allowing yourself to experience the emotions of grief to release them. You can also try some of these strategies to help you cope:

Talk about your grief with a trusted person or counselor.
Spend time with people who share your loss like your family or friends.
Take care of your health by trying to eat healthfully and get adequate sleep.
Stick to a consistent schedule.

Learn more about coping with grief.

8. Mental health

There are a number of mental health conditions that can impact mood. They include:

depression
bipolar disorder
anxiety
personality disorders
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD

It’s important to note that there’s a difference between stress and anxiety. Stress usually responds to something specific in your life and will go away. Anxiety is when you experience prolonged worry for no obvious external reason. In cases when anxiety is chronic, it can become an anxiety disorder, which can significantly impact your emotional regulation.

Another condition that may affect mood is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). While difficulty focusing and trouble sitting still are the most well-known symptoms of ADHD, the disorder can also magnify your emotions. Research shows that emotional dysregulation is common among people living with ADHD, especially among children and adolescents.

What you can do

If you’re feeling emotional and believe that a mental health condition is a cause, it’s important to look for help. A doctor can evaluate you and provide you with an accurate diagnosis. This will help them determine the best treatment.

Depending on the type of condition, you may benefit from certain medications. There are numerous treatments that can help you manage your symptoms and feel a little more in control of your emotions.

In cases of trauma, it may be particularly difficult to heal on your own without any treatment.

Your treatment can include various types of therapy, such as CBT or psychotherapy for example. You may also benefit from taking medications such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).

Help is out there

If you or someone you know is in crisis and considering suicide or self-harm, please seek support:

Call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.
Text HOME to the Crisis Textline at 741741.
Not in the United States? Find a helpline in your country with Befrienders Worldwide.
Call 911 or your local emergency services number if you feel safe to do so.

If you’re calling on behalf of someone else, stay with them until help arrives. You may remove weapons or substances that can cause harm if you can do so safely.

If you are not in the same household, stay on the phone with them until help arrives.

9. Hormones

Hormones have both physical and psychological effects on the body. Any hormonal imbalance or extra sensitivity to hormonal changes can cause a change in your emotions.

Estrogen

In people assigned female at birth, hormonal fluctuations relating to the reproductive cycle can cause shifts in mood and difficulty controlling intense emotions in some people.

This is evident during menopause, for example, when the fluctuation in estrogen levels during menopause can lead to higher levels of negative emotions such as anger or sadness.

This can also occur before menstruation in what’s known as premenstrual syndrome (PMS) or premenstrual dysmorphic disorder, which is similar to PMS but includes more severe emotional symptoms.

There’s some evidence that using hormonal contraceptives can affect your emotions. Depression, anxiety, and anger were all found to be higher in people taking hormonal birth control.

Testosterone

The hormone testosterone also plays a role in male emotional regulation and can negatively affect mood.

Testosterone decreases with age, and medical conditions can cause a person to have low testosterone. These include genetic conditions such as hemochromatosis, an injury to the genitals, or cancer.

The female body also produces some testosterone. However, in some cases like polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), it produces too much, which disrupts typical hormone levels. This can also lead to shifts in mood.

Are sex and gender the same thing?

People often use the terms sex and gender interchangeably, but they have different meanings:

“Sex” refers to the physical characteristics that differentiate male, female, and intersex bodies.
“Gender” refers to a person’s identity and how they feel inside. Examples include man, woman, nonbinary, agender, bigender, genderfluid, pangender, and trans. A person’s gender identity may be different from the sex they were assigned at birth.

Other hormones

An imbalance of your thyroid hormones can affect your emotions, raising your risk of developing anxiety and depression.

In addition, certain stress hormones, such as oxytocin or cortisol, can affect mood, such as increased anger or emotional sensitivity. This is particularly true in cases of Cushing syndrome, which may be caused by a benign pituitary or adrenal tumor and can lead to excessive cortisol.

The adrenal gland’s imbalance of other hormones such as insulin may also affect your emotions and mood. This is known as adrenal insufficiency.

What you can do

The treatment for a problem with your hormones depends on the underlying cause and the type of hormone affected.

In many cases, a doctor will recommend a type of hormone therapy or hormone replacement. For some conditions, treatment with corticosteroids may be needed.

In case of a condition like Cushing, you may need surgery to remove the implicated gland. You may also need radiation or chemotherapy, even if the tumor is benign.

If you feel like your emotions are out of your control, or you believe it’s caused by an underlying health issue, see a healthcare professional. They can help you get to the root of the issue or refer you to a specialist.

Some strong or negative emotions are normal. However, if your feelings are causing you distress or having a negative impact on your life, you don’t have to simply accept them. Help is available.

Why Am I So Emotional? 15 Reasons and What to do

Emotions are typical, but sometimes after an outburst or a crying session, you may be wondering why you’re feeling so emotional.

Here you can learn the most common reasons for heightened emotions. Feeling strong emotions isn’t always bad, but there are things you can do to cope better if you need to.

1. You’re human

You may be feeling emotional today. But guess what? You’re allowed to be.

We all feel happy, sad, low, or exhilarated. Emotions are a typical part of who we are as humans. Everyone processes events and emotions differently.

You may just feel things a bit more than others; or, you might just be feeling extra sensitive today.

If someone tells you to be less emotional, they’re probably basing it on societal standards. Don’t let them put you down. Emotions aren’t weak. They’re human.

What you can do

Sometimes, your heightened emotions may negatively affect your day-to-day life, for example, in your relationships with family, friends, or colleagues.

In this case, speaking with a therapist or counselor can help you understand the reason behind your feelings and learn strategies to lower the impact of these emotions on your life.

In addition, Mental Health America recommends trying the following tips at your leisure:

Pause your actions. It may help to count to 100 or say the alphabet backward.
Acknowledge what you’re feeling.
Think through your feeling and the reasons behind them.
Determine what may make you feel better. This could be getting something to eat, doing a fun activity, or simply allowing yourself to cry.

2. Genetics

A personality trait called sensory processing sensitivity is a quality where someone processes the world more deeply. This includes the moods and feelings of others, as well as pain and loud noises.

What you can do

Research also shows that if you have a family member with an affective disorder such as major depression, you may also have a higher risk of experiencing one.

Different ways to approach this include:

Mindfulness
Meditation or yoga
Psychotherapy
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
Emotional regulation therapy

Learn more on how to become the boss of your emotions.

3. Lack of sleep

Everyone knows what it’s like to wake up on the wrong side of the bed, so it’s not hard to imagine that a lack of sleep can affect your emotional well-being.

Sleep deprivation has several effects on your body, including:

trouble thinking and concentrating
higher risk of anxiety or depression
weakened immune system
poor balance and higher risk of accidents

It can affect your mood, too, especially the longer sleep deprivation occurs.

Studies have shown that sleep may be linked to emotional regulation, so getting less sleep may cause your emotions to seem out of whack.

Feeling more irritable or easier to anger is common when chronically sleep-deprived.

What you can do

Strategies that can help you get better sleep include:

keeping a consistent bedtime
limiting bright lights in your bedroom
removing electronics from your bedroom
getting regular exercise
not smoking
limiting heavy meals, caffeine, or alcohol before bed

Learn more tips on how to sleep better.

4. Lack of exercise

We’ve all heard the physical health benefits of exercise, but exercise can also have a big effect on mood and emotions.

A 2018 study showed that regular physical exercise can contribute to better emotional regulation during stressful times.

Another 2017 study also showed that aerobic exercise had a therapeutic effect on regulating emotions.

What you can do

If you’re feeling extra emotional, jumping on a treadmill or going for a jog could help alleviate it.

According to the “Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans, 2nd edition,” you should aim to get at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity a week.

5. An unhealthy diet

Everything you eat affects your body, and a healthy diet can improve your overall well-being and mental health.

It may come down to your eating foods if you’re feeling emotional.

What you can do

This doesn’t mean that you necessarily need to completely avoid entire food groups. Eating a balanced diet is the best way to support both your physical and mental health.

In particular, you may wish to:

Make sure you’re consuming a nutrient-dense diet. Following a Mediterranean diet is one good way to make sure you’re getting the right amounts of all the nutrients you need.
Avoid processed, fatty, and fast foods.
Avoid skipping meals.
Make sure you’re not lacking vital vitamins and minerals. Consult with a doctor to see if you’d benefit from dietary supplements.

Pro tip: Mix things up
Not getting varied enough, nutrient-dense foods can mean you’re relying too heavily on one area of the food pyramid. This will likely lead to vitamin and nutrient deficiencies that can affect your mood and health.

6. Stress

Stress can take a toll on our bodies. If you’re feeling stressed or burnt out, you’re likely going to feel a little emotional.

There are many reasons you may experience stress. For example, when major life events or big changes occur, you’re inevitably going to feel the stress — no matter how well you plan for it.

A 2018 study also revealed that living with high stress levels can increase negative emotions such as anger or depression.

In particular, the study showed that the more stress you feel, the more you tend to ruminate on what’s making you stressed, which in turn increases your negative emotions.

What you can do

Coping with stress or anxiety involves many of the same strategies you’d use to cope with any challenging emotion.

Speaking with a counselor, a supportive family member or a friend can help.

In addition, leading a healthy lifestyle, taking time to do activities you enjoy, and limiting the use of substances and alcohol can help you manage day-to-day stress.

Learn more on how to cope with anxiety.

7. Grief

Grief doesn’t have to just be about losing a loved one. You can grieve for your past self, a child you never had, or even a breakup.

We all handle loss differently and go through the stages of grief at different times, and we may not come out on the other side the same.

What you can do

Talk about your grief with a trusted person or counselor.
Spend time with people who share your loss like your family or friends.
Take care of your health by trying to eat healthfully and get adequate sleep.
Stick to a consistent schedule.

Learn more about coping with grief.

8. Mental health

There are a number of mental health conditions that can impact mood. They include:

depression
bipolar disorder
anxiety
personality disorders
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD

What you can do

Depending on the type of condition, you may benefit from certain medications. There are numerous treatments that can help you manage your symptoms and feel a little more in control of your emotions.

In cases of trauma, it may be particularly difficult to heal on your own without any treatment.

Your treatment can include various types of therapy, such as CBT or psychotherapy for example. You may also benefit from taking medications such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).

Help is out there

If you or someone you know is in crisis and considering suicide or self-harm, please seek support:

Call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.
Text HOME to the Crisis Textline at 741741.
Not in the United States? Find a helpline in your country with Befrienders Worldwide.
Call 911 or your local emergency services number if you feel safe to do so.

If you’re calling on behalf of someone else, stay with them until help arrives. You may remove weapons or substances that can cause harm if you can do so safely.

If you are not in the same household, stay on the phone with them until help arrives.

9.

Hormones

Hormones have both physical and psychological effects on the body. Any hormonal imbalance or extra sensitivity to hormonal changes can cause a change in your emotions.

Estrogen

In people assigned female at birth, hormonal fluctuations relating to the reproductive cycle can cause shifts in mood and difficulty controlling intense emotions in some people.

This is evident during menopause, for example, when the fluctuation in estrogen levels during menopause can lead to higher levels of negative emotions such as anger or sadness.

This can also occur before menstruation in what’s known as premenstrual syndrome (PMS) or premenstrual dysmorphic disorder, which is similar to PMS but includes more severe emotional symptoms.

There’s some evidence that using hormonal contraceptives can affect your emotions. Depression, anxiety, and anger were all found to be higher in people taking hormonal birth control.

Testosterone

The hormone testosterone also plays a role in male emotional regulation and can negatively affect mood.

Testosterone decreases with age, and medical conditions can cause a person to have low testosterone. These include genetic conditions such as hemochromatosis, an injury to the genitals, or cancer.

Are sex and gender the same thing?

People often use the terms sex and gender interchangeably, but they have different meanings:

“Sex” refers to the physical characteristics that differentiate male, female, and intersex bodies.
“Gender” refers to a person’s identity and how they feel inside. Examples include man, woman, nonbinary, agender, bigender, genderfluid, pangender, and trans. A person’s gender identity may be different from the sex they were assigned at birth.

Other hormones

An imbalance of your thyroid hormones can affect your emotions, raising your risk of developing anxiety and depression.

The adrenal gland’s imbalance of other hormones such as insulin may also affect your emotions and mood. This is known as adrenal insufficiency.

What you can do

The treatment for a problem with your hormones depends on the underlying cause and the type of hormone affected.

In many cases, a doctor will recommend a type of hormone therapy or hormone replacement. For some conditions, treatment with corticosteroids may be needed.

In case of a condition like Cushing, you may need surgery to remove the implicated gland. You may also need radiation or chemotherapy, even if the tumor is benign.

Some strong or negative emotions are normal. However, if your feelings are causing you distress or having a negative impact on your life, you don’t have to simply accept them. Help is available.

Alexithymia: an emotional gap hiding under the mask of normality

Alexithymia is a psychological state of a person in which a person, having lost the ability to determine and display his own emotions, is forced to try to look normal in the eyes of others. The psychiatrist Saito Satoru talks about this disorder using examples from his own practice, as well as the example of the heroes of the novel "Man of the convenience store" ( Kombini ningen , by Murata Sayaka), awarded the Akutagawa Prize for 2016.

In psychiatry there is a term "alexithymia". It consists of the negative prefix "ἀ" and two stems: "λέξις" (word) and "θυμός" (feelings, emotions). This term describes a psychological state where a person is unable to evaluate and describe their own emotions. In order to have a holistic view of one's own life, the individual must be aware of and distinguish what he feels. However, there are people who are incapable of this - they do not understand in what situations this or that emotion arises in them. Features of alexithymia appear in such people in those moments when they are overcome by anger, sadness, or any other strong feeling that they are not able to define and express.

In fact, with the exception of babies, there are practically no people in modern society who would cry or scream, completely without restraint. It is understood that an adult member of society should control himself and not show such primitive emotions outwardly. And if he is not able to restrain himself, then he needs treatment.

Young people striving to conform to the notions of "normality" learn from the older generation to suppress the expression of emotions. Over time, some of them lose the ability to recognize their own feelings. Suppressed anger, sadness become the cause of psychosomatic diseases and hypochondriacal disorder. Hypochondriacs are characterized by a clear manifestation of somatic symptoms in the absence of any significant pathological abnormalities. As a result of an anxious set and constant concern about health, the functions of the heart, gastrointestinal tract and other autonomically innervated systems can be disturbed. And this, in turn, leads to the development of arterial hypertension, peptic ulcer, etc. That is why hypochondria is considered a psychosomatic disease.

However, with alexithymia, not only negative emotions are blurred, but also positive ones - a person is not able to experience such feelings as joy or inspiration. The loss of the ability to experience pleasure is called anhedonia. This disorder is characterized by a loss of motivation for activities that the individual enjoyed in the past. The development of anhedonia is an important indicator in the diagnosis of pathological depression.

Under the guise of normality

I have my own psychiatric practice in Tokyo, and I encounter people suffering from depression and hypochondria on a daily basis at work. During the first meeting, most of them show no signs of suffering or despair. And I have to pull off their mask of normality, under which they hide their illness, which needs treatment.

Cover of "Convenience Store Man" (illustration courtesy of Bungei Shunju)

I thought about this when I read the novel "Convenience Store Man" for which Murata Sayaka recently won the Akutagawa Prize. Indeed, in this story we are talking about a person suffering from alexithymia. The heroine, a woman named Kokura Keiko, worked for 18 years as a saleswoman in the same minimarket ( combi) - it is on her behalf that the story is being told. She made it a rule never to show her feelings or express judgment. Instead, she has created a "patchwork personality" by copying the behavior and adopting the habits and mannerisms of the women around her (mostly work colleagues), whom she considers correct and admires for their style. This effective and convenient strategy allows it to adapt to its own environment. The moment she arrives at work shortly before the start of her shift and changes into her work uniform, Keiko becomes a function, a convenience store man. Now all that is required of her is to perform the prescribed duties for the appointed time, using the skills she has learned and the judgments she has borrowed appropriate to the occasion. The school years of the heroine passed under the endless complaints of parents who were dissatisfied with their individualistic daughter, and constant pressure from school teachers. As an adult, she is grateful for the opportunity to hide her identity under a faceless uniform.

However, when Keiko suddenly realizes that those around her feel sorry for her - a single woman who worked as a saleswoman in a minimarket for 18 consecutive years - she becomes extremely worried. At this moment, she meets a new minimarket employee, a man who is the complete opposite of her. He is convinced that society has turned its back on him and that everyone is hounding and persecuting him. So he doesn't even try to appear normal, and very soon he is fired from the convenience store. Keiko invites him to stay with her. At first glance, it seems that they are a very harmonious couple, but their relationship is built on a cold calculation. For a workaholic Keiko, this is an opportunity to create the appearance of a romantic relationship; for a lazy man, life with Keiko is an excellent hiding place from the injustice of a cruel world. But their life together upsets the fragile mental balance that Keiko has maintained and strengthened in herself throughout all these eighteen years.

The caustic remarks of her roommate expose her spiritual emptiness, the gaping emptiness of her personal space, which Keiko had refused to notice for so many years. Refusal, denial is a primitive psychological defense mechanism, a subconscious attempt to ignore the problem, the existence of which is obvious to any outside observer. And the one who denies the obvious looks infantile and eccentric in the eyes of others.

Realizing the hopelessness of his situation, Keiko quits his job and ceases to be a "man of the convenience store". She has no choice but to lie all day under the covers, on the futon, which she spread out inside the closet. I call this phase "bed addiction" and I believe that it is the starting point for the development of other types of addiction: from drug or alcohol addiction to sexual addiction. In fact, both addictive behavior and "show normality" are desperate attempts to get out of the quicksands of the emotional vacuum.

This story has a somewhat happy ending - Keiko starts working at the convenience store again. But I do not think that this will make many readers laugh too much, as they notice the connection between excessive obsession with work and the meaninglessness of the heroine's personal space.

Refusal to feel

"Bed addiction" is essentially a regression to the so-called "primal sleep" - a dream-like state characteristic of infants. This is exactly the state that heroin addicts so passionately desire to achieve. A similar process of regression is also experienced by recluses.0003 hikikomori . Every day this quagmire sucks in hikikomori more and more, and getting them out of it is not an easy task.

Here it is important to pay attention to one point. A baby who falls asleep while nursing and wakes up to find that he has been taken from his mother's breast will feel restless, angry, flushed and crying.

Older babies (between a year and a half) also live in a world of basic emotions such as anger, anxiety, depression, or sadness. But adults hikikomori are deaf to these emotions. At first they themselves refuse to feel anything, and then they simply lose this ability and fall into a state of alexithymia.

Break free from the spell of "normality"

Such people sometimes come to my clinic for help, mistaking their condition for depression. For example, a housewife came to me who told me that after graduating from university she got a job at a firm right away, but worked for only a year, because office work seemed boring to her. She then found a part-time job at a sadomasochistic (SM) club, a place she liked so much that she worked there for four years. Shortly before she turned thirty, she resigned from the club, judging that sooner or later she would have to do it anyway. Some time later, after an active search for a suitable party ( konkatsu ) she got married, had a baby, and began to lead a "normal" life as a housewife. And then she suddenly found that she spends most of the day in bed or in close proximity to it.

Her husband - a typical sissy, who also suffers from atopic dermatitis - quickly realized that his wife would not take care of him to the same extent as his mother did, and divorced her. At the time of her visit to me, about a month had passed since the divorce.

I think some of my colleagues would have diagnosed this patient with depression or adjustment disorder and would have given her antidepressants. But I noticed how strong her desire to be, or at least seem normal. It was it that made her suppress her individuality and doom herself to life in a world that causes nothing but boredom in her.

Everyday work in the SM club was fraught with danger, but at the same time excited her – the idea that she was working in a “non-standard”, “abnormal” job served as a strong source of emotional excitement. Thus, "normality" is just an illusion, an ideal that can be different for different people.

My patient says that she is already thirty-five, the figure is no longer the same, and that "what was in the past cannot be returned." I do not dispute this point of view. But whether she returns to work at the SM club or not, I think she needs to remember and rethink the strong, exciting feelings she experienced while working at a job she loved. My task is to return to this woman the ability to feel strong emotions, restoring her connection with her own eroticism. I have to convince her that she doesn't need to hide behind a mask of normality.

Title picture: Design Pics/AFLO

(Japanese-language article published November 18, 2016)

What is it like to live without emotions?

David Robson
BBC Future

2 September 2015

Image copyright, Getty

There are people in the world who do not know joy, sadness, love... Sometimes this is due to a violation of brain activity, which has received the name "alexithymia" in modern science. Correspondent BBC Future tried to find out what difficulties those who live with such a disorder have and what benefits it brings.

Caleb tells me about the birth of his son, who is now eight months old.

"Have you heard how parents talk about the feelings of love and joy that came over them at the sight of their newborn baby?" he asks.

"Well," my interlocutor continues after a dramatic pause, "I didn't feel anything like that."

His own wedding didn't touch him much either. Trying to explain his then state, he gives a metaphor for a Broadway show: the audience is sitting in the hall; she is emotionally involved in the theatrical action; and behind the scenes, in the meantime, stage workers are on duty, who, remaining indifferent to the performance on a sensual level, participate only in its technical implementation.

(Other BBC Future articles in Russian)

At his own wedding ceremony, Caleb, unlike most of the participants in this exciting event, did not experience a surge of feelings.

"I played my role purely mechanically," says Caleb (he asked not to be named).

Even as his bride walked down the aisle, the only thing he felt was blood rushing to his cheeks and heaviness in his legs; in his heart he felt no joy, no happiness, no love...

Caleb confesses to me that he never experiences emotions at all, neither positive nor negative.

We met on an Internet forum for people with the so-called alexithymia - a kind of emotional color blindness that deprives a person of the ability to distinguish and express various sensory-emotional nuances.

Photo copyright, Getty

Photo caption,

An unemotional person may find the behavior of other emotional people inappropriate

Of those who suffer from this disorder, about half are autistic. However, Caleb and many other "Alexas" do not exhibit any other autistic traits other than being emotionless, such as compulsive (compulsive) behavior, for example.

What does it mean to "fall in love" for someone who is basically incapable of feeling love or even sympathy for another?

A deep study of "emotional color blindness" can shed light on a number of comorbidities such as anorexia, schizophrenia, irritable bowel syndrome.

The stories told on the forum by members of the Alex community make us rethink the emotional experiences that we all seem to know so well.

Take, for example, being in love. How can a person fall in love who does not even know such basic feelings as tenderness and sympathy? After all, it is they who ignite the spark of love in us...

Multi-layered emotional and sensory sphere

You can understand what "emotional dumbness" means by a good example of a matryoshka doll, a multi-layered toy consisting of several dolls nested in it, each next one is more intricate than the previous one.

At the heart of the emotional and sensory sphere of a person are bodily sensations - for example, when we see a beloved, we feel our heart jumping; and when we are angry, we often experience stomach cramps.

Our brain assigns a certain value to each of these sensations - then you know whether it is positive or negative, strong or weak.

This is how amorphous sensations take shape, and a certain conscious image appears in the emotion.

Emotions can have many nuances and sometimes combine experiences of different colors (for example, light sadness).

Skip the Podcast and continue reading.

Podcast

What was that?

We quickly, simply and clearly explain what happened, why it's important and what's next.

episodes

The End of the Story Podcast

Sooner or later we find suitable words to describe our emotional states - we are able to verbally describe our state of despair or joy, for example, and we can also explain what brought us to a particular emotional state .

In 1972, when alexithymia was first scientifically described, it was assumed that the problem arises precisely at this last, linguistic stage; it was assumed that people suffering from alexithymia at a deep level feel like everyone else and that they are unable to only describe their emotional state in words.

Scientists have suggested that this may be due to a disruption in normal communication between the two hemispheres of the brain, which prevents the transmission of signals from the emotional centers, located mainly in the right hemisphere, to the left hemisphere centers responsible for speech.

We need this kind of transmission in order to verbalize what we feel, explains Katharina Görlich-Dobre of the RWTH Aachen University in northern Germany.

This could be seen when doctors first tried to treat epilepsy by removing the connecting two lobes of the fiber; such surgery reduced the number of epileptic seizures, but the patients who underwent the operation became "emotionally mute. "

Another important, if less sensational, discovery made by Görlich-Dobre herself through tomography is that people with alexithymia have abnormally dense neural connections.

image copyrightSPL

Image caption,

When the fibers connecting the two hemispheres are surgically removed, patients become emotionally mute and unable to express their feelings. connection with emotional zones, respectively, is broken.

Today, scientists already know that there are many different types of alexithymia.

Some "Alexas" have difficulty expressing their emotions and feelings, while others (like Caleb) are not even aware of them.

Richard Lane of Arizona State University offers as an analogy the phenomenon of visual loss in people who have sustained an injury to the visual cortex; the eyes themselves were not affected; nevertheless, the ability to distinguish visual images is lost.

In a similar way, a damaged neural circuit involved in the processing of emotional signals can prevent feelings of sadness, joy, or anger from reaching consciousness (to continue the metaphor of a multi-layered doll, the problem arises at the level of the second "doll": the body reacts normally, but the integration of sensations is not occurs, and, accordingly, an emotional thought cannot be formed).

"It's possible that an emotion is activated and the body responds to it, but the person is simply not aware of their emotions," says Lane.

Recent studies using magnetic resonance imaging (CT) have shown signs of a more basic perceptual problem in some types of alexithymia.

Görlich-Dobre, for example, found a lack of gray matter in the centers of the cingulate cortex responsible for self-awareness, and suggested that this blocks the conscious representation of emotions.

And her colleague André Aleman of the University Center for Medical Research in Groningen, The Netherlands, found deficits in attentional areas of the brain when alexithymic people look at emotionally charged pictures. He had the impression that their brain simply refused to register emotions.

"It seems to me that this is quite consistent with Lane's theory," says Aleman (initially, he believed that the reasons for this phenomenon are different). "We are forced to admit them (Lane and his colleagues - approx. correctness".

This is how Caleb himself describes his gap in consciousness, which prevents the normal transmission of emotional signals to the left lobe of the brain.

In the end, the man in charge lost patience and attacked him with reproaches

Image copyright, SPL

Image caption,

Contrary to the stereotype, not all autistic people suffer from emotional or social problems

"My body reacted in a strange way," recalls Caleb. vision. And then I completely forgot about this situation."

It seems that no event can shake such firm indifference. “The richer the emotion, the brighter, in theory, it should color my thinking,” says Caleb. “But in fact, my thinking is clearer and more prone to analysis.”

There is one slight advantage: Caleb is more comfortable with medical procedures, simply because he does not associate any negative emotions with such experiences and does not experience fear or anxiety.

"I endure all sorts of unpleasant moments calmly, because I know that there are no [negative] emotional associations in my memory," my interlocutor admits. "But this means that positive memories are also washed out of my memory."

Short circuit in the brain

However, this compensation is insignificant - alexithymia is apparently associated with various other diseases, including schizophrenia and eating disorders. Because, probably, it is thanks to emotions that we usually begin to take better care of our physical and mental health.

A more precise definition of alexithymia would help to better understand the nature of comorbid disorders, as well as to learn more about the differences between different types of autism.

Geoffrey Bird from King's College London notes that, contrary to stereotypes, half of autistic people are quite capable of perceiving other people on an emotional plane and of adequate emotional reactions, and those who have difficulty with socialization usually suffer from alexithymia.

Therefore, he believes that the distinction between these two types of disorders will lead to more adequate care and treatment.

In the meantime, remaining misunderstandings in this area often prevent autistic people from getting the help they really need.

"I worked with an autistic woman who wanted to be a nursing assistant," says Bird. no problem with emotions."

Further work in this direction could also shed light on the mysterious association with somatic diseases such as chronic pain and irritable bowel syndrome, which are unusually common in patients with alexithymia.

Lane suggests that the reason is a kind of "short circuit" in the brain, which is a consequence of "emotional color blindness". According to him, conscious perception of emotions helps to dampen the physical sensations associated with a particular emotion.

Image copyright, Getty

Image caption,

Trying to connect with their emotions, "Alexas" often go through life alone brain, then mechanisms are activated that modulate the processes in the body from top to bottom, "says Lane. However, without an emotional outlet, the mind can get stuck in physical sensations, leading to increased reactions.

According to Görlich-Dobre, "they (the "Alexas") are hypersensitive to sensations in the body and cannot focus on anything else, which is probably one of the reasons for the chronic pain they experience."

Some studies have indeed shown that "Alexas" are unusually sensitive to sensations in the body, although the results of other experiments refute these conclusions.

Descriptions of physical sensations often dominate Caleb's stories about difficult moments in his life, such as leaving his family.

"In general, I don't miss people, it seems to me. If I go away and don't see someone for a long time, my life goes according to the principle "Out of sight, out of mind," he admits. I don’t have my wife and child around, then I physically feel pressure or stress.”

Reconnecting with Lost Feelings

It is hoped that doctors will eventually identify the causes of alexithymia and help their patients avoid the "snowball" effect of it on the body.

Caleb believes that his condition was born at birth and could be caused by genetic factors. Features of upbringing and emotional responsiveness of parents can also play a role here.

But there are people who become "alexes" as a result of psychological trauma that impairs their ability to process some or even all of their emotions.

Lane introduced me to one of his patients, Patrick Dust, who was abused as a child by an alcoholic father, so that at one point his life was even threatened.

"One evening, when he returned home, he and his mother had another fight. And then he said: 'I'm going to go get my gun now and shoot you all.' We ran to the neighbors and called the police from their house."

Several decades have passed since then, and all this time it has been difficult for him to understand and interpret his emotions, especially the fear and anger that he still feels towards his parents.

Dust suspects that he developed fibromyalgia - diffuse musculoskeletal chronic pain and weakness throughout the body - as well as an eating disorder as a result.

At first under Lane's guidance, and later on his own, Dust remembered his old experiences and reconnected with emotions that he had always tried to hide deeper. As a result, his fibrogic pains were relieved.

"I discovered a huge anger that I felt without realizing it," explains Patrick. "It's the most important thing I've done in my life." He had just finished work on a book in which he described this process. To better socialize, Caleb also saw a cognitive behavioral therapist, and now, through conscious decision, he can better analyze his own physical sensations and relate them to other people's emotions.

While this process remains largely an exploratory exercise, it allows Caleb to be aware of his wife's feelings and understand why she does what she does.

Photo copyright, Getty

Photo caption,

By making a conscious decision to love, "Alexas" can bring stability to relationships

However, not every alexithymia sufferer has such determination and perseverance. And not everyone manages to find a life partner who would be ready to accept the assumptions associated with this disease.

"It takes a lot of understanding from my wife... She realizes that I understand love and other things in a slightly different way," says Caleb.

On the other hand, he is emotionally stable and not subject to mood swings. "The compensation is that my relationship with my wife is a conscious choice for me," Caleb explains.

He does not act on a whim, but on the basis of a conscious intention to love and care for her. This has been especially important in the last eight months.

"If we are going through some difficult situation - for example, a child does not sleep all night and cries - this will not affect my attitude in any way, because my connection is not based on emotions."

Caleb was not euphoric about his wedding or the birth of a child, but he spent most of his life looking inward, trying to feel and understand the sensations that he and the people around him experience.

Learn more