Why do narcissists ignore texts
Why Do Narcissists Ignore Texts? (9 Reasons Why)
If you have encountered a narcissist in your life, you probably know that their self-centered behavior can be extremely frustrating. This includes not responding to texts.
Not responding to texts is characteristic behavior of a narcissist. Keep reading to learn more about why they do this frustrating thing.
Why Do Narcissists Ignore Texts?
1. They Think You Are Unimportant
This first reason is most central to a narcissist’s psychology. For a narcissist, the most important consideration in the world is themselves, and they lack interest in anyone else.
For this reason, if you send a narcissist a text, they might choose not to respond because they do not care much about you. Simply put, you are boring to them or not as interesting as themselves.
Typical narcissistic behavior occurs when they only respond to texts that are relevant to themselves or from people they are using to feel better about themselves.
2. They Do Not Care About The Information
Maybe you are trying to get a narcissist to help you with an event or situation and they are simply not responding. This is probably because a narcissist will not care about selfless information.
For a narcissist, their interest in information comes from its relevance to themselves. Detached information is regarded as thoroughly uninteresting, so they choose not to respond.
3. They Want To Feel Superior
A trademark characteristic of a narcissist is their desire to feel superior to others in any situation. This includes the following:
- Educational institutions
- Social circles
- Digital interactions
When you text a narcissist, they may not respond because they want to prove to you that their time is worth more than yours. They want to keep you waiting and feel superior by doing so.
On the converse side, if a narcissist is kept waiting for another person to text them, they will feel extremely uncomfortable because they are no longer superior.
Part of a narcissist’s psychological complex is their desire to feel above others at all times. This includes the realm of texting, where they often blatantly ignore people.
4. They Want A Reaction
Drama is the name of the game for narcissists, and if they feel like they can stir up agitation through not responding to a text, they will do it.
If you are ignored over text by a narcissist, you might be tempted to respond back by confronting them or accusing them of ignoring you.
When this happens, you are feeding into their desire to feel important through confrontation. They thrive on dramatic scenarios, and ignoring texts is a way of orchestrating this.
5. They Want To Control You
Especially if you are in a romantic relationship with a narcissist, you might find that their silence often comes with a desire to control you.
For example, if every time they ignore you, you end up apologizing or making promises, they are using their silence to manipulate your behavior.
Narcissists will often do this when there is something concrete that they want from you, such as money or favors. However, they will also do this simply to assert emotional control.
Many narcissists thrive off the feeling that they can control others’ behaviors and emotional states, especially among the people who are closest to them.
6. They Are Bored Of You
Beyond just being bored of the information that you might be trying to share, they could also just be bored of you as a person.
Narcissists cycle through friends and relationships quickly, abandoning people as soon as they think they can no longer serve them.
If a narcissist gets bored with you and ignores your texts, do not think you are a boring person. This is typical narcissistic behavior and in no way undermines your worth as a person.
7.They Want Attention
If your first impulse upon being ignored by a narcissist is to worry, you are not alone. People ignoring texts could be a sign that there is something wrong in their life.
However, with narcissists it is often the case that they want you to worry. They are manipulating you to provoke your concern and therefore increase your interest in them.
The bottom line for a narcissist is always themselves, and they will do anything for attention.
8. They Want To Get Angry
If you are ignored by a narcissist and follow this up with a text that accuses them of ignoring you or even just gently reminds them to text you back, this could make them angry.
Narcissists love to get angry because they can feel that they are righteous, even when their behavior is obviously problematic. All of this ties back to their insatiable need for drama.
9. They Have Found Someone New
Narcissists often play favorites, attaching to one person until they have taken everything they want from them.
If the narcissist in your life starts ignoring you, it means they no longer think they can get anything from you and have probably moved onto someone new.
They may also utilize this behavior of ignoring you when they find someone new to make you feel jealous or provoke a strong reaction that will bring them attention.
Do not be surprised though if the narcissist eventually comes back if they get bored with their new person or think that there is more that they can get from you.
To learn more, you can also read our posts on why he texts you then ignores you, why she suddenly stopped texting you, and why guys send short texts.
Dealing with a narcissist is never fun, and can be very damaging to your own mental health. Narcissists have many toxic behaviors, and this includes ignoring your text messages.
If you are being ignored by a narcissist, there are many reasons why this could be happening. Just remember that you are not the problem and avoid falling into their traps.
Why Narcissists Ignore You, Your Texts, & Do the Selfish Things They Do
You are probably wondering why narcissists ignore your texts and lie to you. It’s not easy to deal with them, so here are some reasons why they act that way to help you understand.
Narcissists have excessive interest and admiration for themselves. That is the driving factor for narcissists. They crave attention, are likely to gloat or brag about themselves, and prefer to keep the topic revolving around them. But why do narcissists ignore texts or do other selfish things?
What is a narcissist?
As we said, narcissists are extremely self-involved people. This can be minor, but it can also be so intense that this person is delusional, entitled, cruel, and even lacks any guilt.
You have likely picked up on some of these characteristics if you know a narcissist. And ignoring texts may be just one of the selfish things they do, but why are they so selfish? [Read: The traits of selfless love compared to selfish love]
Why are narcissists selfish?
Narcissism is actually a personality disorder. It is not always that severe, but when it is, this person cares more about themselves than others. Technically it is not their fault, but it is still immensely difficult to feel bad for a narcissist.
Their selfishness goes beyond not wanting to help someone move or being too lazy to make dinner for your family. If what they are doing does not benefit them, make them the center of attention, or put others down, it is simply not something they see worth doing. [Read: Can you teach a narcissist to change for the better?]
Why do narcissists ignore texts?
If you text a narcissist saying congratulations, they will likely reply and continue to boast about whatever they did. But if you text a narcissist about a problem you’re having, to chat about someone else, or even to share important news, they will likely ignore it.
If it is not critical to their expanding ego, they are simply not interested. They may even glance at the text, see it isn’t about them, and just not care at all. Narcissists believe it is their right to gain attention and flattery, and they will do anything to make sure that that is what their life is about.
If you are trying to carry out a relationship with a narcissist, whether that be a platonic one, a romantic one, or even a professional one, it will be very difficult to deal with someone like this.
Signs of a narcissist over text
Some things you may notice from a narcissist might seem minor, while others can seem completely rude and cruel. But if you notice these repeating behaviors from someone, they are likely narcissistic.
Why? Because that is all they know. Narcissists live in a type of fantasy world where they are the most important person and everyone else is beneath them. But that’s not all; here are some other behaviors of a narcissist. [Read: Are you dealing with a malignant narcissist?]
1. Ignoring texts
Even though we already spoke about this, it is still important to mention. Yes, some people are just not good at responding to texts unless it’s about something important. That is the difference between a bad texter and a narcissist.
Unless the text is about stroking a narcissist’s ego, they will likely ignore it. They may even text you about something regarding them while completely ignoring what you sent.
A narcissist continuously brags about their successes. They will even lie and bend the truth to make themselves seem more amazing.
In fact, they will say they are the reason their company is doing so well when in reality, they did nothing to get the company there. A narcissist will turn any and all conversations into a confidence-boosting rant.
Another way for narcissists to soothe or inflate their ego is by belittling others, especially those who are truly better at things than them. Think about how Trump would slam all the good work Obama did. When a narcissist knows someone is more loved or admired, they have to be cruel to them.
They are also highly judgmental about anyone that does not agree with them. [Read: How to recognize and deal with a bully]
4. Lack of politeness
Narcissists demand politeness from others but completely lack it themselves. In fat, that’s what makes a narcissist a narcissist. They will not hold doors open for others, they will not offer an umbrella to someone in the rain, and they will never ask what you want to do.
5. Feeling anger toward those who don’t feed their ego
Narcissists tend to surround themselves with people they know will tell them what they want to hear. They will make friends with people they know will compliment them. So when someone questions them, they will not take it lightly. They will be angry and even vengeful.
6. Childish outbursts
When a two-year-old bursts into tears because their mother won’t buy them a lollipop, it is expected. But when a grown man bursts out with a temper tantrum because he couldn’t get what he wanted, that is a clear sign of narcissistic personality disorder. [Read: How to quickly spot narcissistic traits in a relationship]
A narcissist has this idea that they are loved and praised by everyone simply for being them, regardless of anything bad they have done. So they expect constant respect, praise, and admiration from everyone.
They will be shocked and angry when someone does not follow their fantasy.
8. Lack of remorse
Another reason a narcissist ignores your texts is because they lack remorse. They do not believe they need to apologize or feel guilty for anything they do. They will ignore you, bully you, and talk down to you, but never will admit they did anything wrong.
9. Blames others
When a narcissist does not get their way or even makes a mistake, they will always blame someone else. They will throw others under the bus to make themselves look better.
They will say someone else gave them incorrect information, they will blame poor people for being poor, and they will blame their partner for making them late. Nothing is ever a narcissist’s fault in their mind.
10. Oblivious to others
Narcissists lack awareness. They cannot see what anyone else needs or wants. If it is not about them they just do not see it. If their partner is shivering, they would never offer their jacket or lay a blanket over them.
These are only some of the characteristics and behaviors a narcissist shows regularly which could explain why they ignore your texts. [Read: 23 secret signs of narcissism most people overlook until it’s too late]
Examples of a narcissist’s text messages
If you’re wondering what it sounds like to exchange text messages with a narcissist, you can look for some of these examples. Some might be more familiar to you than others.
1. Emotional ping pong
A narcissist knows when and how to keep you emotionally off-balance. They do this by alternating between being nice and being cold without any explanation. Here are some examples of this:
First text: I love you SO MUCH!
Second text: What are you doing? I need you now!
Third text after you respond in a lovey-dovey tone: Omg! Chill out! I’m at work right now so I can’t talk to you. Don’t text me anymore.
[Read: Emotional abuse signs – how to spot an abuser]
2. Texting in all capital letters
At first, you probably enjoyed the kind of passion they expressed. But sometimes it gets out of line – even over text. Here is an example.
I AM SOOOO PISSED AT MY BOSS!!!!!!! YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HE DID TODAY!! I CAN’T HANDLE HIS BS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!
This is a sign that they can’t control their anger – or any emotion for that matter.
3. Threats, insults, and taunting
Narcissists never hold back insults when they see an advantage in pulling you down or trying to destroy your self-confidence. They even do this via texts in ways such as this:
Just so you know, your job is a joke. When will you realize that you need to find something else that pays better? I’ll help you because I’ll do anything to make sure I’m not with someone who is a loser.
[Read: 23 signs of a mean person, why they’re bitter, and how to deal with them]
4.Twisting your actions
If you don’t respond to their text within minutes, the narcissist knows you blew them off because you don’t really love them. They might even accuse you of texting and flirting with someone else because you were trying to make them insecure in the relationship. Here is an example:
Them: Why didn’t you answer my text?
You: I was meeting with a client.
Them: Sure. Whatever.
You: Seriously. I was with a client and I turned my ringer off so I wasn’t rude to them.
Them: Sure. But I bet if your ex-boyfriend had texted you that you would have responded right away.
You: Uh, I told you my ringer was off.
Them: You’re hiding something! You always do this to me!
5. Keeping you on your toes
At first, they’re texting you constantly with a sense of urgency about something. So of course, you reply as quickly as you can to demonstrate some empathy for them. But eventually, the narcissist might ignore your texts.
First text: Hey baby! Let’s go to dinner and a movie tonight – my treat.
Second text: And by my treat I mean I’ll buy the drinks.
Third text: Did you get my texts? Why aren’t you answering me?
Fourth text: You are being so rude! Why are you ignoring me? Stop ghosting me!
[Read: Do narcissists know they are narcissists? Do they lie to themselves?]
5. Imposing guilt, shame, or fault-finding
Narcissists don’t feel good about themselves, and that’s why they need to make other people feel just as bad as they do. So, they always want to knock you down a peg or two so you don’t feel too good about yourself.
First text: I forgot to tell you that the shirt you wore to work is ugly and it’s too revealing. You shouldn’t look like a slut. You better not do that again.
Second text: We need to do something about your wardrobe. You should lose some weight so you look better in your clothes.
6. Texts with demands
It’s difficult to keep the peace with a narcissist, but you probably want to try. So, you think that if you obey their demands, then that will make them happy. Here are some examples of texts with demands for you.
When you get home, clean the kitchen. It’s so messy it makes you look like a hoarder.
Do my laundry. You should have done it yesterday.
Get me something to eat, and make it good.
[Read: Covert narcissist – what it is, 34 signs, and how to see the games they play]
Why do narcissists ignore and devalue you?
If you have any type of relationship with a narcissist, after a while their true colors will be revealed, and they will treat you only as a means to an end.
You may be a trophy to them. They may treat you as an employee rather than a friend or loved one. And if anything goes wrong, they will likely blame you if you are close to them.
Narcissists need those closest to them to stroke their egos and make them feel good. So anytime that is lacking, they will devalue you only as someone who is there to improve their life.
Narcissists will not admit they need you or that you are vital to them maintaining their status. They will likely emotionally abuse you so that you are stuck with them, and they always feel superior. They do this so that in their mind and in yours, they will be on top.
[Read: Narcissistic rage – how to handle the angry backlash of a narcissist]
What should you do if a narcissist ignores your texts?
Narcissists feel totally justified ignoring your texts, but if you do the same to them, you are in for a lot of trouble. They will see your lack of promptness and do something to retaliate.
First, they could send you a text demanding to know why you’re not responding to them. Or, they could send you a fake worried text wanting to know if you’re okay or angry with them. They could also start calling or even come to you in person with an urgent visit.
The best thing you can do is not to play their game. Don’t give them the pleasure of seeing you get upset or change your behavior to be how they want you to be. Stand your ground and refuse to give in to the narcissist.
[Read: Subtle counterblows to hit a narcissist where it hurts]
Why do narcissists ignore texts or throw tantrums? Now that you know the reasons and the way their minds work, do you really want them around in your life? With all this said and done, never stay around a narcissist unless you really have to, and even then, keep them at arm’s length!
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How to respond to ignoring a narcissist
How to respond to ignoring a narcissist
The narcissist at the initial stages is very involved in the relationship, is not interested in himself, asks, ignores, ignores you. But all this is just to get you hooked. As soon as he sees that you are in his power, he begins to ignore.
One of my clients talked about the development of her relationship with her narcissistic husband: how it began, how it continued, and how it ended. In the beginning, everything is very romantic and beautiful: sweets, bouquets, gifts, travel. He impressed her with his generosity, courtesy and attentiveness. Promises flowed like from a cornucopia. Narcissus worked hard to create the perfect image. He immediately wanted to live together. Relationships with narcissists tend to move very quickly. nine0005
After a short time they moved in together and began to live. And then everything changes. The man has achieved her, she is in his complete submission and he no longer needs to create an image and conquer. Instead of attention and conversations, there is a heavy oppressive silence. It starts to be ignored. Narcissus frowns, gets angry, may not even say hello in the morning. When he comes home from work, he won’t ask how things are going, he will mutter something and leave to read the newspaper.
The woman keeps walking around and thinks: “What did I do wrong? Maybe I offended him? Maybe she turned the wrong way, maybe she forgot something? If she asks, “Did I do something wrong? Why are you so unhappy?" - he will answer: "Yes, everything is fine, what you think up." nine0005
And he's right, he's fine. This is his normal state - dissatisfied and oppressed. Now that he had her at his disposal, there was no need to pretend anymore. You can relax, be yourself and pump energy out of her, using her guilt.
She sometimes said to him: “I feel uneasy, you are so unhappy! Can you at least smile?" He answered: “Well, you can’t smile all the time, be realistic.” Any attempts to find contact, to talk, to interest did not end in success: this annoyed him even more. nine0005
What is going on in his soul?
Firstly, for a narcissist, a dissatisfied, depressed state is normal, especially when a bucket is on his head, not a crown. This means that he did not receive confirmation of his grandiose image from the outside. Secondly, he is disappointed. He thought that, having got a woman, he would be filled - something inside would change. But in fact, nothing has changed, the soul is the same emptiness. And he feels betrayed.
Remember The Picture of Dorian Gray? Dorian, a typical narcissist, was fascinated by the girl, manipulated her into intimacy, but after sleeping with her, he quickly lost interest, became cold and inaccessible. The girl, when she realized that along with her virginity she had lost her beloved, committed suicide. Dorian was not very upset, because the narcissist is not prone to empathy, he does not have empathy. On the same day he went to have fun with friends. He was also glad to be rid of her. nine0005
Very often the victims of the narcissist become depressed and close to suicidal because they cannot bear the coldness and guilt that the narcissist instills in them by their ignorance. They do not understand what happened, why everything has changed so dramatically, they are trying to unravel his mood, fix something, change themselves. But everything is useless.
You will never guess the cause of the coldness. You have to remember that it's not your fault. It's just that a narcissist does not know how to love, he cannot give the energy of love, because he does not have it. He only wants to take it from you. But no matter how much you give, you will not fill it: it is a bottomless barrel. You just need to leave as quickly as possible, stay away until you fall into depression and lose self-esteem. nine0005
If you can't get out of a relationship and you need to somehow survive right now, then don't waste your energy on heartfelt conversations, discussion, pronunciation, don't try to unravel the reason for his coldness. Just mind your own business. After some time, he will go into the lifting phase, the crown will change the bucket, and he will return. True, not for long. It will be a temporary relief, and then it will again be cold and inaccessible. Try to end these relationships as soon as possible, they are exhausting and unproductive. nine0005
Be vigilant in relationships and be happy.
Write comments, questions, your stories.
The deafening cruelty of silent avoidance - The Dark Triad - LiveJournal
In human communication, the feeling of belonging is extremely important. To experience happiness from intimacy, people must feel connected to each other. This is important even for introverts who enjoy independence more than other people. nine0005
According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the need to give and receive recognition is basic, just like the needs for food, water, and security. In reality, this need can be so strong that even the needs for food and security are relegated to the background.
Psychologists consider avoidance to be a form of abuse. This is a common form of moral bullying that narcissists use: they "disconnect" from their victims, not talking to them for a long time. Days or weeks keep the victim in a constant state of uncertainty, all the while the victim feels isolated and rejected, and may even become physically ill. The bodily reactions to moral bullying are real: headaches, stomach pains, and digestive upset. nine0005
Being ignored, shunned, and ostracized by a narcissistic partner is more destructive and painful than if they verbally humiliate you. Because this type of abuse is harder to recognize, it is harder to avoid. The fore part of the brain reacts to critical remarks. Silent avoidance elicits a response called "social pain" in the part of the brain responsible for actual physical pain.
The depth of despair caused by silent avoidance depends on the intensity of ignorance. The brain produces a pain response that makes the victim feel lonely and abandoned. As a result, self-esteem decreases, and the victim begins to think that he is unworthy of his partner. This deals a serious blow to well-being. Avoidance behavior can even cause critical conditions and cause irreparable damage to the victim's psyche. nine0005
The narcissist uses silent avoidance as an aggressive measure of control and punishment for his partner's actions; the sadistic form of "relationship break" through victim rejection is all aimed at motivating the victim to behave in a way that is beneficial to the narcissist. This is an extreme form of devaluation, its purpose is to arouse in the victim a feeling of dumbness, loneliness, rejection, dehumanization, invisibility. The negative impact of this form of abuse includes:
Emotional level. Because silent avoidance is a form of social rejection, it evokes a spectrum of negative emotions: feelings of frustration, intense anger, and finally resignation and despair.
Psychological level. Low self-esteem, feelings of loss and restlessness, increased stress and loss of control.
Behavioral level. Constant fear of the prospect of silent avoidance casts a shadow of uncertainty over your life, you begin to delve into yourself: am I doing everything right? Am I right? You seek to avoid changes that make you a person who is no longer YOU. nine0005
Examples of silent avoidance:
- You report that your partner did something unacceptable towards you (deceived, lied), the narcissist leaves you and you do not see him for a week. Then he returns to your door as if nothing had happened.
- Both of you are discussing an important topic in e-mail. Suddenly, he snaps, “Bye!” and you don't hear from him for five days. Or, he makes an appointment, but does not come to it and subsequently does not explain his absence in any way. nine0079
- You sit next to the narcissist to talk about what's bothering you, and he continues to read the newspaper.
- You ask the narcissist a question and they act like they can't hear you, even if you repeat the question a second or third time.
- Both of you are arguing. Suddenly, the narcissist packs his suitcase and leaves for a month, without giving him the opportunity to contact him, ignoring any messages you send him.
If your partner practices this form of emotional abuse to get you to comply, you can use avoidance as an opportunity to cut contact. Don't reinforce passive-aggressive abusive tactics as this tends to cause them to be used even more as the abusers feel satisfied (even "innocent pleasure") in knowing the negative effect they produce. In particular, don't send them plaintive texts or long emails asking for a response. As a result, the narcissist is convinced that he is very important to you: more important than you are to yourself. Breaking contact during a period of silent avoidance will return you to lost control. When the narcissist jumps back, anticipating how you will fall at his feet, he will hear only the chirping of grasshoppers ...