Why do i have short temper

Got a Short Temper? Here's How to Deal with It and Stay in Control

You find yourself stuck in traffic when a hasty driver cuts you off. Before you know it, your blood pressure has spiked and you impulsively yell an obscenity out the window.

This kind of scenario happens to everyone at some point. Frequent outbursts that escalate quickly, though, may be a sign that you’re dealing with a short temper.

You’re probably at least somewhat aware of how your short temper affects those around you. But being quick to anger can also affect you in surprising ways and take a toll on your health.

Fortunately, short tempers don’t have to be long-lived.

The first step in managing a short temper is learning to recognize the symptoms. These anger episodes generally come on with little to no warning.

They tend to have symptoms that are both physical and psychological, such as:

rage in the form of yelling and shouting
chronic irritability
heart palpitations
racing thoughts
loss of control

A short temper can impact you in a range of ways. According to one 2010 study, it can also contribute to making you more prone to substance use and overdoing it on caffeine.

Uncontrolled anger also triggers our body’s fight-or-flight response, which includes the release of stress hormones.

This frequent flood of stress hormones can eventually cause long-term health problems including:

insomnia
high blood pressure
headaches and stomach problems
depression
anxiety
heart attack
stroke

Holding on to anger quickly drains your energy and can make everything in your life seem bleak.

The following strategies can help you get a better handle on your temper.

Practice mindfulness

Incorporating mindfulness into your regular routine can help you better understand and control the reactivity that often drives a short temper.

The next time you feel your temper rising, try this exercise:

Find a quiet room and a comfortable place to sit.
Close your eyes and notice the physical sensation of anger travel through your body, whether it’s through your rapid heart rate or your clenched jaw.
Inhale deeply and allow all thoughts of anger to release as you exhale.
Repeat 2 to 3 times per day or whenever you start to feel anger arise.

Refocus your energy

Come up with some concrete strategies for dealing with situations that you know will trigger your temper.

If you know your daily commute tends to set you off, for example, set aside some time to focus on alternative options. Waking up earlier to catch an emptier train or carpooling with a coworker might make all the difference.

Even if it doesn’t resolve the situation immediately, turning your attention to problem-solving can give you a greater sense of control and keep you from blowing up.

Get physical

When you start to feel your blood boil, work it off with an exercise session. Go out for a quick run, play a sport that gets your heart pumping, or swim a few laps in the neighborhood pool.

Regular physical activity is an effective way of increasing self-control and immediately calming your mind and body.

Use a daily mood chart

Track episodes of anger and irritability by keeping a daily record of your moods. You can do this in a notebook or even download one of the countless mood-tracking apps available for your phone.

To get an extra clear picture of your moods, try to also take note of your intake of caffeine or other substances, quality of sleep, stressful situations or conversations, and any underlying emotions like fear or disappointment.

A short temper can also be a sign of an underlying condition like depression or intermittent explosive disorder (IED), which is characterized by impulsive and aggressive behavior.

If your anger has become overwhelming or is causing you to hurt yourself or those around you, it’s time to find professional help.

Here are some signs to watch for:

physical violence, like slapping, pushing, or shoving
punching walls, breaking plates, or damaging property
assault or domestic violence
threats
self-harm or thoughts of suicide

Reaching out to a mental health expert can provide the right treatment and help you find ways of managing explosive anger. A psychiatrist may also recommend medication for anxiety or depression.

Find help now

If you’re considering suicide or have thoughts of harming yourself:

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255. It’s there for you 24/7.
Call 911 or your local emergency services.
Visit your nearest emergency room.
Text the Crisis Text Line by texting “HOME” to 741-741.

Speaking with specialists can also help you find your state’s resources for treatment if you don’t have health insurance.

If you’re with someone who is expressing anger by becoming violent or abusive, your safety may be at risk. Remove yourself from the situation. Protecting your own safety is your first priority. Reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800−799−7233 for extra support.

Having a temper from time to time is a normal part of being human. When anger comes on at the drop of a pin, though, it can cause chaos in your relationships, health, and overall well-being.

Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. She’s written for The Atlantic, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, and many more. Find her at cindylamothe.com.

9 Ways to Manage a Short Temper

Customer service just put you on hold for the third time, and the reaction is quick: You feel that familiar heat welling in your chest and a surge of electricity behind your eyes. After a few more minutes of simmering, the customer service rep finally gets back on the phone. Like lightning, the anger cracks through you.

Later, you’ll replay the moment in your head, trying to make sense of why you reacted that way. You’ll barely remember what you yelled, but you’ll feel a deep pang of regret, knowing the rep was just doing their job.

While getting angry is a common part of being human, folks with a “short temper” tend to have a harder time controlling their anger, which results in frequent outbursts.

Just because you’ve always had a short fuse doesn’t mean you can’t change. While a 2010 study linked having a short temper to long-term health issues, it’s also totally possible to manage.

Below, we’ll talk about what having a short temper actually means as well as strategies for redirecting that rage energy so that it has less of an effect on your life.

Short temper isn’t a diagnosis. It’s more of a characteristic or habit. Think of it as a concentration of misdirected energy. But because it’s not a specific condition and it appears so suddenly, it can be tougher to nip in the bud.

Here are some ways people with a short temper act and feel:

Physical/external	Emotional/internal
screaming and shouting	feeling out of control
shortness of breath	frustration
racing heartbeat	oversensitivity, easy irritability
blurred vision	embarrassment, shame, regret (after the fact)
increased blood pressure

Sometimes it might even come out in the form of crying (at work, no less). Because crying isn’t often associated with anger, it can be easy to dismiss quick tears as something unrelated to temper.

And believe it or not, these feelings may also be signs of depression and/or anxiety.

You might not think of temper as being related to conditions commonly associated with “sadness,” but when outbursts are unpredictable or seemingly have no cause, it might be a sign you need to dig deeper (with a pro).

Rather than trying to eliminate a short temper altogether, it’s best to center your strategy on redirecting all that chaotic anger energy. This starts with understanding your temper and being able to see it coming.

For long-term improvement, try mood tracking. This is a technique that can help you catch burgeoning anger before it erupts. We love using a bullet journal for this, but you can do it with any old journal, simply keeping a daily record of your moods.

Since moods change throughout the day, try writing down entries every time you feel a notable shift. Or download one of the many mood-tracking apps to your phone.

Once you have a grip on any patterns related to your outbursts, you can take action to direct that energy elsewhere.

Immediate ways of coping

Do some cardio. When you feel the heat start to rise and your heartbeat quicken, stop what you’re doing and move your body. Go for a run or do 50 jumping jacks in your living room.
Scream into a pillow. Talk about catharsis. Most of us have neighbors, so finding a way to muffle your rage scream is advisable.
Take a cold shower. A 2010 study found that cold-water immersion redirects your stress from whatever’s making you angry to whatever’s making you cold. Tricky and effective.
Breathe. If you can recognize your triggers, you may be able to breathe yourself into a state of calm. Here are six breathing techniques worth adding to your anger toolbelt.
Apologize, if necessary. A sincere apology includes ways you see yourself improving, such as “I won’t raise my voice because I know it scares you.” Being able to redirect yourself in the moment can help you catch yourself next time.

Lifestyle changes to help with short temper

Practice mindfulness. Meditation is a real thing, folks. One study showed that a daily mindfulness routine helped people feel more in control of their emotions and less aggressive to begin with.
Plan around your triggers. If you know spending too much time with your family is a recipe for disaster, get an Airbnb when you visit instead of staying with them. Take the scenic route to work instead of the freeway. You get the picture.
Go easy on the caffeine. For some, this may mean quitting altogether. Caffeine is super stimulating and can make you more on edge.

Everyone gets angry — it’s just part of being alive. Biologically, anger actually helps us survive because it’s a way we respond to threats.

One common anger trigger is the feeling of not being in control of your situation — which, if you think about it, is actually quite threatening. Not being in control means you can’t control the outcome. Not controlling the outcome could easily mean your physical or emotional demise.

So even though that conversation with the customer service rep wasn’t life threatening, the out-of-control feeling of being put on hold for a third time triggered an aggressive reaction.

Another characteristic of anger, and especially angry outbursts, is the sense of urgency that comes along with it. The part of you that’s being triggered also believes that the threat is imminent. Survival depends on acting now.

Anyone with a short temper knows that not being in control of your anger is a recipe for relational issues. People don’t like to be yelled at. They also don’t like worrying that something they do might trigger an angry outburst.

In turn, erupting on people makes you feel all sorts of negative feelings like guilt, regret, and maybe even sadness and isolation.

Intense anger can also be super disruptive. It’s all-encompassing, making it pretty tough to focus on anything else, so your overall productivity takes a hit, possibly worsening your stress.

Apologizing

Don’t be shy about apologizing when necessary. Anger is relatable, and many people will understand if you own it honestly.

You don’t have to apologize for how you felt at the time (your feelings are valid). But you should apologize if your outbursts have caused your words or actions to negatively affect or hurt someone else.

Does this mean something’s wrong with me?

People with a short temper often get a bad rap, but the truth is that it doesn’t make you a mean or bad person. It’s simply the way your brain was built to react. While this isn’t meant to excuse your behavior (you’re singularly responsible for how you act), you also shouldn’t get bogged down by feelings of guilt or sadness.

Being quick to anger also doesn’t mean you’re never happy. Short temper doesn’t define your whole emotional world, it’s just a piece of it.

If your anger tendencies are affecting your work or causing rifts in your personal life, those are good indicators that it’s time to talk with someone.

Talking with a doctor or mental health professional doesn’t mean you’ve failed. In fact, it may mean you’re taking an important step toward understanding your temper and ultimately feeling more in control of your life.

Many experts believe anger expression is a genetic trait, which means not only that it’s not “your fault” but also that overcoming it may require professional guidance.

That being said, having a short temper can be a symptom of a variety of health issues like depression, ADHD, and intermittent explosive disorder. If you think you might have an underlying mental health condition, talk to a professional who can help you set up a treatment plan.

Look for a therapist who is experienced with cognitive behavioral therapy and/or look for an anger management support group in your area.

Ginger Wojcik is an assistant editor at Greatist. Follow more of her work on Medium or on Twitter.

Hot temper: and who is to blame?

May 29, 2014, 13:14

Author: N.I. Kozlov, Doctor of Psychology, Professor
Rector of the University of Practical Psychology

Film "The Diamond Hand"

Hot temper is called emotional incontinence, explosive irritability, which is characteristic of temperamental people.

Hot temper is more often a male character trait. Women, especially those with a male gender, are also quick-tempered, but the female version of accusation is more often played out through the role of the Victim and usually occurs in the form of resentment or tantrums. Resentment and hysteria are female counterparts of irascibility.

The film "The Young Lady-Peasant Woman"

Hot temper is considered a bad trait of character, but this is not entirely true. There are two types of irascibility: irascibility is empty and irascibility is justified.

If a person often flares up, or even explodes "out of the blue", without a serious reason - this is an empty temper, and this is really a bad habit. It is a habit, because no one is born hot-tempered, they become hot-tempered. Most often, these were emotional outbursts of the child, which were allowed by his parents (more often mothers and grandmothers) and to which the child was accustomed. Mothers do not like to fight with the child, they are supporters of persuading and distracting, so that everything goes by itself, and as a result, the child gets permission to yell as soon as he pleases. In a family where attentive parents combine warmth and the requirement of a format, there is no question of any irascibility of children.

The film "Holy One"

Can this habit be corrected already in an adult? Yes, it is quite possible if there is support from others, and the person himself agrees to change this in himself and wants to change it. At the same time, the most effective are the most stringent measures: in the army, the domestic irascibility of recruits in the process of interaction with an experienced company commander is “treated” in the very first months. Outside the army, in the family and at work, empty irascibility goes away with difficulty, since it usually has certain internal benefits, and it is not always possible to force a person to control his psyches. However, the hot-tempered Zhirinovsky under V.V. Putine always finds a way to restrain himself...

If you have a temper, you can prevent and manage your temper tantrums in a simple way. Your task is to sit down, relax, close your eyes and imagine the situation where you usually break down. However, this time you must present your behavior to others: calm, reasonable - the way you would like to see yourself. And that's it! Imagine this new behavior of yours more often, and soon, where you tore and threw, you will behave quite reasonably. Check - such a simple method really turns out to be quite effective.

However, there is another, justified irascibility. The boss has the right to flare up if the employee violates the chain of command and does not respond to comments.

Similarly, if you ask a child to put away toys and he continues to play ("Now!") without even turning his head towards you, you may come closer and ask him again to take your request seriously. But if he doesn’t react to this with anything other than a disgruntled face (“Well now!”) And you flared up, it’s not you who is quick-tempered, but the child needs to do what his parents ask him to do.

It's the same with a married couple: you can't just raise your voice at each other, but if you agreed on something, then the agreements should already be fulfilled. And if you were reminded once - you did not, the second time you were reminded - you forgot, then do not be angry if they turn to you for the third time in a different tone.

If a person does not understand when they are addressed calmly, one can address him/her correctly emotionally and in a raised voice. And this is no longer an empty temper, but an adequate reaction to those who do not respect others and are not attentive to normal treatment.

It is clear that it is still not necessary to make noise and dust in a good way, therefore, instead of lashing out at those who behave inappropriately over and over again, talk calmly with this person, how you can still improve the situation . Perhaps some little help is needed on your part, sometimes a simple warning: “Now I will start screaming!”, And the issue can be resolved peacefully.

Emotional state
Author N.I. Kozlov
Temperament
Behavior in a conflict situation
Psyche, health
Male and female
Video

Comments (16):

ivan, September 30, 2014, 15:29

18 November 2014 etc. infringed, then she should keep quiet in a rag ... In my opinion, psychology is a science in no way based on social status and inequality, and if so, then the girl's temper is justified. Moreover, she does not care for herself, because it is better not to keep negative emotions in herself - it is harmful to health.

Guest, March 26, 2020, 03:11 PM

Subordination is not an empty thing. The girl is just an example.

N.I. Kozlov, November 18, 2014, 10:30 pm

There are several different statements in your comment. Let's point by point: 1. "Keeping negative emotions in yourself is unhealthy" - Inaccurate. There is no significant harm in this, see the scientific studies cited in the article "Recommendation not to restrain negative emotions and discharge aggressive impulses." 2. "Subordinates should always keep quiet in a rag" - there is no such thesis in the article. You rushed. 3. "The hot temper of an employee is not empty, but justified, because ..." Your argument is not very clear. Because boss and employee are equal? This is not true. According to general civil rights - yes, but according to internal corporate rules - no. Because she "doesn't care for herself"? - This does not give her the right to break the chain of command.

Guest, February 25, 2020 9:47 PM

Supporting the guest. All citizens are equal before the law and in matters of ethics. The temper is not justified, including "I'm the boss, I'm stronger, so shut up"! This is by no means an argument in matters of ethics, nor an argument in favor of permissiveness!

Lera, December 28, 2015, 13:12

What about the fact that most people find an excuse for themselves? I flared up because... and any options. It turns out he can always flare up. Because the boss, because the man, because the parent and so on. And most often - the usual promiscuity - unwillingness to control emotions. It's easier to yell than to manage. To everything else in this quick-tempered speech insults sound. Are we abolishing ethics? Perhaps the article should be longer so that the topic can be understood more deeply.

Guest, May 24, 2018, 8:41 pm

I am a woman and work as a guard chief in the National Guard. Anything can happen, they may not obey. Then, to ensure normal operation, you have to flare up, of course, without insults, only this can help. I must be able to manage a team! Otherwise, a more capable manager will take my place. And subordinates have to be punished

Guest, February 14, 2018, 03:44 PM

In the army, this is treated right away...

Guest, July 31, 2019 2:55 PM

Phew, thanks, I'll try to stop the temper.

Guest, November 04, 2019, 03:43 PM

Hello! The article is excellent. There are wonderful examples that take place in life.

Guest, February 21, 2020, 4:37 PM

"Spitfire: and who is to blame?" The one who flared up is responsible for the temper! Is always! Hot temper is cowardice, fear of losing control, a manifestation of weakness and disrespect in the first place for oneself. "However, there is another, justified irascibility." There is no such exuberance! Especially if this is the boss, who should have a sufficient number of control levers. And if he allows himself a temper, then this is an insignificant boss.

Guest, February 25, 2020, 9:44 pm

Lord, how they rotted you at work.

I am very quick-tempered and it hurts me. I hate myself for this. That's why I deeply regret it. I really want to change my bad and violent temper, to change for the better.

answer

Sokolova L.V., secretary N.I. Kozlova, September 17, 2020, 11:08 AM

Guest, Nikolai Ivanovich discusses these questions and many other important and interesting things in the DISTANT-NIK Club for 7 days - free of charge. Join now!

Guest, December 13, 2021, 10:27 pm

Guys, can you tell me why there seems to be excess energy in the body? I constantly move my fingers quickly, sometimes I show off my hair or hit the wall, and only when I feel pain, I calm down for a while. It’s like adrenaline in my body, and so the whole day, I can’t sit still, I constantly walk, and since there’s not much to do, everything annoys me, at times I want to break someone, and then myself.

answer

Sokolova L.V., secretary N.I. Kozlova, December 14, 2021, 09:04 am

Guest, these are just comments on the article, not a forum. There is no live communication here: pay attention to the dates of the answers. Free consultations here https://www.univer-pp.ru/bk/

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20 ways to subdue your character

Few of us comprehended the Buddhist teachings and gained complete and unshakable peace. In the incredibly fast pace of the modern world, it is very difficult to maintain inner harmony and control oneself. But a short temper will not only not help us achieve our goals, but will become the most difficult obstacle on the way to it. No wonder in Europe and America, stress is considered a serious disease, against which other diseases simply fade.

Of course, short temper has a negative impact not only on the work process, but also on our lives in general. Think about how many times you have allowed external factors to irritate you, and this irritation has poisoned your day; how many times have you taken work problems to heart and, for lack of an opportunity to pour out your anger on your boss, you have lashed out at relatives and friends, thereby complicating relations with them.

One can talk endlessly about the dangers of irascibility. And, no matter how each of us denies the fact that we often allow ourselves to break loose, most people have this problem. Therefore, let's figure out with you how to comprehend Zen and stop reacting violently to life's troubles.

1. Get distracted

The simplest and most popular method is to simply walk away from whatever makes you feel irritated or angry. Move away from the object of irritation, take a deep breath and count to ten. The so-called “bamboo breathing” helps a lot to calm down: take a deep breath, and then slowly release the air from the lungs in small portions. Remember the structure of a bamboo trunk - it has, as it were, small membranes at certain segments - and imagine that your lungs are built in this way, exhale, imagining that there are membranes that periodically block the flow of air.

Using this technique, you will not only saturate your body with oxygen, which in itself will help to calm down, but also distract from the problem, since the process will require concentration.

2. Think before you speak

If we blurt out a negative phrase, we are more likely to regret saying it. If you find yourself getting irritated or angry during an argument or conversation, start focusing more on what you are saying. Do not rush to answer the interlocutor, first consider his words, then what you are going to say. In this case, at least you will not offend him and not aggravate the situation, but as a maximum, calm down and reduce the conflict to nothing.

3. Do some exercise

When you're ready to blow everything around you, do some exercise. The effect will be the same as if you were breathing, as in the first tip: you will focus on the exercises and distract yourself from the negative situation. In addition, it has long been proven that sports lift your spirits, so let your emotions out in the exercises. Go ahead and improve your form.

4. Don't run around with your temper

You don't have to carry irritation around with you. If you get pissed off at work, take a walk or go somewhere alone to calm down. Do not take your anger home, it will lead to nothing but a quarrel with your family because of your bad mood. And in general, you should not keep irritation in yourself for a long time and warm it up with constant thoughts about what happened. Let go of the situation and the negative feelings along with it.

5. Take a walk

Did someone in your family piss you off? Do not rush to beat the plates and shout, dress silently and go outside. Run or walk until you feel comfortable. It will be much better than a scandal. And when you calm down, you will already be able to soberly assess the situation and see a way out.

6. Look for a solution to the situation

There are no hopeless situations, it's just that sometimes we are not satisfied with the way out of the current situation. But it’s better to settle for something that doesn’t suit you very much than to get stuck in hopelessness. Is someone late for a meeting with you? Good advice: carry a book with you, for example. Then you will not get angry waiting for a person who is late, but will spend time usefully by reading a few chapters. Remind yourself that anger and irritation will not help you resolve the situation and will only make it worse.

7. Take things easy

Seriously, will having your boss raise his voice at you ruin your life? Or will the fact that your significant other forgot to do something break your relationship? Virtually nothing that makes us nervous will affect the overall course of life. Approach the situation calmly and with humor.

It is very useful to learn to see the good in bad situations. A child spends time on computer games instead of doing homework - well, today eSports occupies a worthy place among other sports; perhaps your child will become a professional gamer or develop games, and these are quite well-paid professions. The car broke down - great, you can finally walk and warm up. In general, every negative situation has its positive side.

8. Do something you enjoy

Sign up for dance, art, music classes if you like it. Do yoga, go for a run, listen to music. Make time for what you love to do. Let it be a couple of hours a week, but you will take your soul away during this time and, accordingly, improve your mood, which in turn will help you cope with your temper.

9. Talk about things you don't like

This is more about personal problems. Talk to loved ones about what annoys you in their actions. But don't blame them for this - formulate the phrase like this: "It upsets me that you do not help me around the house," rather than saying "You never clean!". Sometimes your soulmate may not even know that he is doing something wrong, and if you accumulate irritation in yourself, then one day you will pour a tub of negativity on your partner. And, believe me, most likely your partner will be at least at a loss, because he thought that everything was in order. Discuss problems as they come up, because none of us are perfect.

10. Don't complain

Trust me, it won't help. You will only spoil the mood of the interlocutor and get even more upset by remembering the details of the negative situation again and again. If you really want to talk about a problem, tell about it simply and with humor and ask what your interlocutor would do in such a situation.

11. Always have an MP3 or a phone with music with you

No need to put yourself under stress and travel in public transport without “protecting yourself” with headphones with your favorite music. Being on the street or in vehicles without headphones, you allow extraneous conversations to get into your mind, which will not add to your positive, because people tend to constantly complain about problems. Plus, music will help you get through the rush hour crowds and traffic jams more easily and keep your inner balance.

12. Be aware of factors that unbalance you

If talking about politics annoys you, for example, gently move away from the topic. If the crowds in the supermarket piss you off, choose a quieter time to shop. Avoid situations that annoy you.

13. Smile

No matter how bad you feel, smile and you will feel your mood rise. We don’t know exactly how a smile affects our well-being, but the fact that it gives a positive effect is for sure.

14. Set alarms throughout the day

This practice will help you get distracted. Set alarms for a specific time, and when the signal sounds, you will remember to distract yourself and tune in to calmness.

15. Stretch in the morning

A sleepy body just screams to us about how it wants to warm up after a night's rest, but we often do not hear its desire. Spend five minutes bending over and lightly stretching. This will not only relax your muscles and wake you up, but also help you tune in to the positive.

16. Assess your environment

Think about what annoys you in your environment. It could be things or people. Think about it, maybe you should change something, up to the place of work or residence. Remember that constant stress significantly impairs the quality of our lives, so against the backdrop of the health problems that nervousness can lead to, a change of scenery seems like a mere trifle.

17. Find a place where you can be alone

Since most people work in an office or some other specific place rather than at home, it's important to find a place where at least 10 minutes a day won't disturb you. In modern offices, they have already begun to create peculiar rooms where an employee can retire, but if you don’t have such a room at work, then any place where you will be inaccessible to others will do.

18. Take a bath or shower

Of course, this is not about hygiene, but about doing water procedures for the benefit of well-being.

Learn more