Why did she ghost me
Why Is She Ghosting Me? What to Do When a Girl Ghosts You
Many years ago, I scheduled a date with a woman I matched with on an online dating app.
She seemed reasonably attractive—at least enough so that I was interested in continuing to talk to her.
I quickly moved the conversation to text, and we struck up a pretty interesting dialogue.
At the time, I was quite inexperienced with dating. Looking back on it, I can now see how the interaction was loaded with red flags.
But of course, back then, I didn’t really know any better.
I ended up asking her out to a local burger joint, and she said yes.
We agreed on a date and time.
About an hour before the date, I texted her to make sure that we were still on.
“Yes,” she replied. “I’m looking forward to it.”
Fast forward one hour.
I arrived at the burger joint.
I got us a table, and waited.
Then, fast forward 30 more minutes…
There I sat—alone at the table. The waitress, whom I had told several times now that I was waiting for someone, kept shooting me sad glances.
I had been ghosted.
But why does this happen?
For months after the fact, this situation still mystified me.
It wasn’t like we hadn’t had a good dialogue before setting up the date.
What about our interactions had caused her to go ghost?
The truth of the matter is that there are many reasons for why she probably decided not to show up that day.
I’ve learned since then that ghosting is actually a pretty predictable phenomenon.
I’ve also learned that it usually tends to happen for a very specific set of reasons.
In this post, you’re going to learn everything you need to know about why ghosting happens and how to avoid it.
Yep, this will be the last guide on how to prevent ghosting that you’ll ever need.
Let’s dive in.
Skip Ahead
Why do Girls Ghost? 20 Likely Reasons You’re Being Ghosted
I like to break ghosting down into two different categories:
- Ghosting that occurs before you actually meet up for a date.
- Ghosting after you’ve already met for a date.
I think it’s important to categorize these two types of behaviors differently, because they generally mean different things.
If You Were Ghosted Before the First Date
1. You Have Zero Masculine Frame
In pretty much any ghosting situation, this is going to be the number one most likely cause. In fact, this actually encapsulates many of the other reasons you’re going to read about in this list.
A lot of men struggle with holding firm, stoic, masculine frame in their lives.
They struggle with alpha mentality, and they just in-general aren’t always sure how to act like strong, attractive men.
Women aren’t attracted to weak men. And they definitely aren’t attracted to men who aren’t adept at holding masculine frame.
You can learn more about masculine frame and alpha mentality in this guide: The Alpha Male Explained: 9 True Signs You’re an Alpha.
2. You Came off as ‘Needy’
Women detest needy men.
Never forget that with dating, mating, and attraction, it all really comes down to this:
The woman instinctively wants a man who’ll contribute to her survival.
A needy man who’s craving validation from the woman in his life isn’t going to broadcast powerful masculine value and increased survivability. He’s going to broadcast weakness and a lack of self-confidence.
When a man starts acting needy through text or during a real life date, it’s a sure sign that the woman’s either going to break off the relationship before it starts—or just go ‘ghost’ altogether.
3. You Displayed Low Value Markers
As a general rule, the most attractive men in any given hierarchy are going to be the men who succeed at leveling up all of the primary male sexual value metrics.
These include things like: wealth, social status, power, strong tribal connections, an athletic body, leadership ability, and the ability to be effective and formidable.
Men who display the opposites of these masculine virtues, on the other hand, are going to broadcast low value instead of high value.
And as such, they’re going to be at a much greater risk of being ghosted.
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4.
You Seemed Too EagerSome men are living in such deep sexual scarcity that they eagerly jump at any possible chance to get a woman’s attention.
But women see this as a low value marker.
Why?
Because women aren’t interested in men who can’t get dates and succeed with women.
Women want to date the men who are popular and successful with women, because these are the high value men with more to offer on the dating marketplace.
If a man seems too eager to hang out with a woman, she’ll often take that as a sign that he must not have many other options.
He may be living in sexual scarcity—or may just generally be a low value option.
5. You Acted Desperate
Men who are desperate for attention, validation, sex, love, or anything else that a woman could provide give off powerful low value markers.
Once again, this goes right back to survival.
Women are instinctively programmed to be attracted to men who are powerful and capable of increasing their chances of survival.
Desperate men are much more likely to register as a liability on her survival radar.
For these types of men, it’s not a matter of if they’re going to get ghosted. It’s simply a matter of when.
6. You Were Boring
It’s been said that you can be many things to a woman—but boring isn’t one of them.
This is such a true statement.
- Women crave adventure.
- They want to feel alive.
- They’re intensely attracted to men who can create engaging emotional impact.
On the flip side, women tend to lose interest in boring men very quickly.
If they don’t feel engaged, alive, or ‘in their feelings’ as a result of the connection they feel with you, they’re much more likely to flake or go ghost.
7. You Displayed Some Kind of ‘Red Flag’ Behavior
Men who are rude, obnoxious, hypocritical, deceitful, manipulative, narcissistic, unduly arrogant, gross, or inappropriate run a very high risk of being ghosted by high value women.
Women can’t afford to waste their time on men who exhibit extremely negative, dangerous, hostile, toxic, or distasteful behaviors.
If you want a one way ticket to ‘ghost town,’ start exhibiting some obvious red flags.
Any high value women in sight will bolt—leaving you high, dry, and alone.
8. You Didn’t Seem Genuinely Interested
At first glance, this might sound like a contradiction to the point where I talked about seeming too eager.
But don’t get it twisted.
There are two vital components to female attraction that you need to satisfy in order for a woman to take you seriously as an option:
- She obviously needs to be attracted to you.
- You need to display commitment signals (a lot of men overlook this).
What’s a Commitment Signal?
A commitment signal is basically a behavior that a man broadcasts towards a woman that demonstrates his willingness to make some kind of a resource investment in her.
See, women read commitment signals in men to confirm whether or not they’re making a good investment with their time.
Men who don’t seem serious or who don’t seem to be attracted to her to a substantial enough degree are going to fail to broadcast sufficient commitment signals to give women the peace of mind of knowing:
“Yeah, this guy’s actually into me. He’s serious. This could actually go somewhere.”
It’s important to understand that one of the biggest dating pitfalls for women is getting led on by men who waste their time.
Unlike men, women are on a strict biological timer.
They can’t wait around forever to find a husband and get married.
If they want to have a family, become a mother, and experience the positives of pair bonding and domestic life, they need to make sure that any guy they invest in is actually interested in something serious in return.
Therefore, if you don’t act like you’re actually generally interested, and/or don’t seem to be willing to invest serious time or energy into getting to know her, she’s probably going to skip past you in favor of a man who’s actually displaying some commitment signals.
This is a delicate balance. You want to give her commitment signals if you’re interested. But you DON’T want to cross the line into simp territory either.
9. She Had Better Options on the Table
The dating marketplace is highly competitive.
As a general rule, you can always count on a woman to choose the best option on her radar.
This is hypergamy 101.
Sometimes, women ghost to avoid an uncomfortable “I don’t want to see you anymore because I found someone better” conversation.
Hey, can you really blame them?
If You Were Ghosted after the First Date
10. She Realized That You Weren’t Her Type
Sometimes, online dating profiles are misleading.
Maybe she pictured you being a little bit taller, more tan, more muscular, less ‘dorky,’ etc.
Let’s face it. We’ve all had situations where we’ve matched with a woman on an app, only to realize later on that her pictures didn’t accurately represent how she looked in real life.
Sometimes this happens for women as well.
If a woman shows up for a date and realizes right away that this guy isn’t going to be someone she could be seriously interested in, she may opt to just ghost to save herself from having to face that awkwardness.
11. You Failed to Build Connection
Let’s say that you match with a girl on an app, make a plan for a date, and then meet up with her.
What now?
It’s important to understand that there are five crucial steps to every successful dating exchange:
- Approach
- Engagement
- Connection
- Escalation
- Closing
All of these are pretty self explanatory, but a lot of men struggle when it comes to the connection phase.
See, as I said before, women want to feel an emotional impact when they’re with a man. She wants:
- To feel like he’s really connecting with her.
- To feel alive.
- Him to engage her senses—to dig into her subconscious mind and pry out those hidden romantic feelings that she’s keeping protectively stowed away under lock and key.
This is all accomplished during the connection phase.
Simply put, if you fail to build connection with her, there’s a very good chance that you’re not going to hear from her again after the first date.
If you want to learn more about how to leverage the 5 overarching dating skills to succeed with women, check out this guide: How to Get a Girlfriend in 16 Steps: The Only Guide You’ll Need.
12. You Didn’t Command Respect
Demonstrating value over text is one thing. But demonstrating it in real life is a whole different ballgame.
If a woman doesn’t feel a strong masculine presence emanating from you during the date, she’s far more likely to go ghost.
Why? Because she won’t respect you. And if a woman doesn’t respect you, it’s literally impossible for her to be attracted to you.
Here’s the thing, men.
Women crave masculine alpha-mentality men who know what they want.
And if you fail to meet that marker, there’s a very high likelihood that you’re going to get flaked on.
Read this guide to help you learn how to demonstrate higher value in your interactions with others, including the women you date: How to Command Respect Without Being a Jerk: 12 Actionable Ways.
13. You Didn’t Escalate Enough
Properly sexually escalating with a woman is actually a big challenge for some men (especially men who suffer from ‘white knight’ or ‘nice guy’ syndrome).
You want to connect with women while you’re dating them. But if all you do is emotionally connect without ever sexually escalating, that’s a perfect recipe for getting put in the friendzone.
Successful seducers understand that sexual escalation must begin early on in every encounter.
This goes back to that commitment signal thing.
When you flirt with her, tease her, touch her, and just in-general make it known with your behavior, body language, and conversation that you’re sexually interested in her (and you can do it without crossing over into creepy thirsty boy territory)—well, you’ll be much more likely to succeed.
Failing to do this, however, will generally earn you a fast one-way ticket on the ‘ghost train.’
A book that might help you if you’re a chronic ‘nice guy’ is No More Mr Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life, by Robert A. Glover.
14. You Escalated Too Fast or Too Aggressively
Sometimes men escalate too quickly and aggressively.
For example, there’s a big difference between walking up to your date, giving her a hug, smiling, and telling her that it’s great to meet her—and walking up to her, slapping her on the butt, and uttering some kind of crude, crass remark about her body.
See, women do want to be sexually objectified to a certain point.
But they want it to be done tactfully, and in a respectful manner.
This may sound confusing, but it’s so true.
It’s crucial to sexually escalate with women at an appropriate pace—a pace that doesn’t make them feel violated, disrespected, or uncomfortable.
The key is to make her feel like it’s flowing naturally.
If you go so fast that you push against this limit, you’ll actually set off red flag danger alarms in her brain.
She’ll perceive you as a predator instead of as a handsome, confident, attractive, masculine gentleman.
This is definitely a surefire recipe for getting ghosted—because she’ll likely be too afraid of you to reject you to your face.
15. You Failed to Be Authentic
Women want the men they date to be interesting.
They don’t want bland, boring, or ordinary.
Men who tap into their true authentic personality and broadcast that during the date are going to stand a much better chance of seeming interesting than men who play it safe.
You’ve got to take some risks if you want women to notice you.
This is especially true during a date.
If you don’t strike her as being particularly interesting, there’s an extremely high likelihood that she’s going to jump on the ‘ghost ship’ and disappear into the night.
16. You Seemed Incompatible
I once matched with this cute woman on a dating app and started a conversation.
We ended up meeting up for a date. But within the first five minutes of engaging in conversation, it became obvious that we had polarizing views on a lot of crucial topics.
For example, our political views were almost entirely opposite. We also had entirely different views on intergender dynamics.
Our differences in belief on these things were so extreme, in fact, that she actually started criticizing my work right there during the date.
Needless to say, I wasn’t really that interested in her after that.
I didn’t necessarily ‘ghost’ her, per se—but I did make it pretty clear that I wasn’t interested.
Compatibility should be important to us as men, to a point—but it’s undeniably important to women.
Don’t forget that most women are looking for some kind of long-term relationship.
They’re looking for a measure of safety and security.
That’s their female nature at work.
And if they have serious doubts about your levels of compatibility, they may take that into account and decide to just disappear from your radar.
17. You Didn’t Create an Emotional Impact
We’ve already talked about connection in a more general sense.
But emotional impact goes even a step beyond this.
While you do want to create emotional connection, it’s also really important that you push the limits of this a little bit to really make the woman feel something while she’s with you.
One interesting example of this is the fact that fear can sometimes trigger arousal and sexual desire.
By this logic, taking a girl for a ride on a roller coaster, seeing a scary movie, or going to a haunted house together might be an awesome date idea—because fear creates a definite and palpable emotional impact.
Of course, fear isn’t the only emotion that can create impact.
You can also create impact by engaging strong feelings of happiness, surprising her, making her laugh, getting her to open up about memorable or meaningful experiences from her past, etc.
You can even create a bit of impact by getting her flustered, teasing her, or while giving her a hard time.
This is where the classic idea of the ‘push pull’ technique first came from.
In any case, creating emotional impact of some kind is a must if you want to seriously attract women.
And if you fail to do this during your date, there’s a high likelihood that you’re going to get ghosted.
18. You Failed Her Value Tests
Every woman value tests the men she dates.
Often, they do this automatically without even thinking about it.
But some women also do it intentionally.
Women value test men because they need to know if the guy sitting across from them is actually high value.
Women may test a man by challenging his opinion, making subtle stabs at his masculinity, or otherwise trying to nitpick, jab, or set him off in a way that’ll bring out and display his red flags.
Men who successfully field these tests earn flying alpha male colors with the women who date them, whereas men who fail them end up looking like desperate, insecure losers.
Failing to pass a value test is most definitely going to earn you a possible front row seat on the ‘ghost train express.’
19. You Acted like a ‘Sad Boy’
Women detest sad boys.
In fact, they’re actually attracted to the opposite.
Women desire the attention, affection, commitment, and resources of strong, high value men who can shoulder the burdens associated with being a physical and emotional guardian/protector.
A woman doesn’t want to have to hold your hand and nurse your feelings.
In fact, the opposite is true.
She wants a man who can hold her hand and provide a shoulder to cry on—a man who’s strong and stoic enough to handle the chaos of her sweeping feminine emotions.
20. You Failed to Bring Her into Your Frame
I’ve already mentioned how women crave adventure.
Well, one of the greatest adventures of a woman’s life is to enter a high value man’s frame and follow him as he pursues his mission in life.
Believe it or not, women don’t want to be the prize.
They don’t want to be the target.
Rather, they want to join a high value man who has a loftier, greater life mission and purpose—and then walk side-by-side as a partner with him as he pursues that purpose.
With that being said, men who fail to take this into account (men who fail to bring the woman into their frame) broadcast serious low value markers.
If they focus too much on the woman’s life and on trying to fit into it, they’re going to ruin the ‘perception of adventure’ for her.
This falls very close to being needy, desperate, and boring—all rolled into one.
If you’re struggling with this concept, you may want to consider picking up a copy of a book called The Unplugged Alpha: The No Bullsh*t Guide to Winning with Women & Life, by Richard Cooper.
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Cooper also breaks down the top 20 red flags that you should vet women for when considering them for a long term relationship, and they're on point. I don't say this lightly but it should be mandatory reading for all men.
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What to do When a Girl Ghosts You
Let’s be real about this one.
Getting ghosted sucks.
However, it’s important to look at every failure in life as a powerful lesson—an opportunity to increase your odds of succeeding the next time around.
Keeping this principle in mind, here are 4 vital steps to walk through every time you get ghosted by a woman.
1. Assess the Situation
Don’t react emotionally. Don’t get mad. Don’t emotionally text her, demanding to know why she stood you up or hasn’t returned your messages.
In fact, don’t contact her at all.
Instead, take a step back.
Remain calm, and just assess the current state of the situation.
Run through the steps listed above, and take a close look at how you’ve behaved.
Is it possible that you made a few of the mistakes we’ve covered in this post?
If so, you may be able to hone in on which ones you made, and then back-engineer a plausible theory for why the ghosting happened to begin with.
2. Evaluate Your Mistakes
Once you develop a theory for where the interaction may have gone wrong, evaluate how you could have done things better.
This will help you to avoid repeating the same mistakes with women in the future.
Note: Sometimes, women ghost for reasons that don’t have anything to do with you. For example, they may go ghost if they’re having an on-again, off-again relationship with their ex, going through a difficult time at work, etc.
But these situations are actually kind of rare. For the most part, if a woman ghosts you, it probably has something to do with either you not being her type, or you failing to display enough value to make a positive impact.
3. Learn from It
When you figure out where the conversation may have gone wrong, make an attempt to learn from it.
Make a mental note of the mistake, and figure out what you can do to avoid it in the future.
4. Move On and Continue to Build Your Value as a Man
Of course, the number-one method for increasing your attraction as a man is to simply work every day on becoming the best man that you can possibly be.
Seek to level up your mind, body, and spirit on a daily basis. Also make sure to mind your business, work on getting your finances in order, and always be pursuing your purpose in life as your number-one goal.
Conclusion
There you have it.
20 reasons for why she may have ghosted you, along with everything you need to know to keep it from happening again in the future.
Just remember—ghosting does happen, even to the best of us.
So don’t get too down on yourself if you’ve experienced it.
Just evaluate, learn from it, and get back in the saddle.
You’ve got this.
For more tips and advice on how to become a better man, make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel.
Go with grace, my friends, and never give up your power.
FAQs
Is she ghosting me or just busy?
Women rarely ghost a man just because they’re busy.
Listen—girls are hardwired to pursue high value men.
So if she vanished from your radar, you can bet that it had more to do with her perception of your value as a man than it had to do with her workload or responsibilities in life.
What to text after being ghosted
The best way to handle this is not to text her at all.
If a woman has ghosted you, she’s already shown you that she isn’t going to be a good investment of your time.
She’s just not into you enough to warrant further attention.
Analyze it, learn from it, move on, and start talking to different women.
Why do I keep getting ghosted after a first date?
The main reason for why men get ghosted after the first date is because they failed to adequately broadcast high value, masculine signals.
If a woman doesn’t perceive that you’re the type of man she can respect and admire, she’s not going to be interested at all in getting to know you any further.
Thus—ghosting.
Should you ghost a girl you like?
As a general rule, I’m not a fan of ghosting. I think that men who regularly ghost women train themselves to be conflict avoidant betas.
I much prefer that if you’ve already gone on a date with a woman, and/or have already slept with her, that you communicate that you’re not interested in her anymore so that she knows for sure that she should move on and pursue someone else.
I see this as being the alpha mentality way to handle the situation.
Why is my girlfriend ghosting me?
If your girlfriend is ghosting you, it’s probably a sign that she no longer respects and admires you, and that the relationship is close to being over.
To learn more about how to know exactly when to know ‘it’s over’ with your girlfriend, read our in-depth guide on the subject: 13 Surefire Signs It’s Time to Break Up With Your Girlfriend.
Why She Ghosted You in 2023 and What to Do About It Now
"Why did she ghost me?" It’s a familiar question for men who’ve suddenly had contact with a girlfriend or partner taken away without explanation. Ghosting or being blocked in general are upsetting experiences to deal with - and because there’s often no way to get an answer to “why did she ghost me?”, many men are stuck in an emotional limbo.
However, knowing the answer to why she ghosted you helps get over this emotional loss and points men towards more fruitful avenues, such as personal growth, understanding of human nature, and how to navigate the modern dating market.
In this article, we will take a look at some of the most common reasons why girls ghost guys and what men can do after they’ve been ghosted for the best outcomes.
Why Did She Ghost Me?
There are plenty of reasons that a girl could’ve ghosted you on and disappeared without a trace. Whether it’s not getting messages from her phone and/or social media, ghosting takes many forms.
Let’s take a look at some of the possible reasons you got were ghosted:
1. You scared her
Unlike men, women are more prone to anxiety and stress when they’re seeking romantic partners. Letting a man in their life often leads them to feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, particularly if their instincts are screaming for them to get away from you.
This may be your fault as a man due to some type of alarming behavior, or her threshold for what she wants in a partner may be exceeded. For example, if you've shown aggressive behavior, insinuate something that’s against her morals, or she’s afraid you might damage her reputation by being associated with you, she may ghost you as an act of self-preservation.
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2.
She has a new boyfriendIf you’re asking yourself “Why did she ghost me?”, the simple answer may be that she’s moved on with another man in her life. And to be fair, the decision to ghost you from her life may or may not be entirely hers.
For example, she may have a man that she’s dating ask her to be exclusive, which led her to ghost you. Or, maybe she wanted to “clear the plate” so to speak, meaning that she doesn’t consider you a valuable person in how her future looks, especially with a new man in the picture.
3. She lost interest in you
Modern women have a lot of options at their disposal thanks to dating apps. This means that if you are not who she thought you were, found a better option, or simply stopped putting enough effort into staying attractive, you’ll ask yourself “Why did she ghost me?” sooner than later.
4. She wants a fresh start
Until a woman is ready to settle down and get down to starting a family, she’s likely to want to continually reinvent herself to cast off negative influences.
If she believes that you’re a negative influence, she may ghost you in an attempt to form a clean break and start over with what she perceives as a better path forward.
This fresh start is typically initiated by her new desires, including having children, focusing on herself, or looking for long-term partners. If you’re not part of her new plans, you may be ghosted so she can focus on her new future.
5. She is upset with you
If you’ve upset her in some way, she might ghost you without warning. Some of the most common reasons why she would be upset with you include:
- You don’t handle her the way she wants (physically and emotionally)
- You mistreated her through combative conversation
- You cheated on her
- She suspects you’re unfaithful (even if you aren’t)
- You keep posting things on social media that damaged her reputation
- You attempted to ingratiate yourself in her life before she is ready
- You are over-controlling
- You are forming an unhealthy attachment to her
- And more
Sadly, these days, women tend to use the silent treatment in the hope that you’d realize what you did wrong.
The irony, however, is that without a conversation about it, you might be completely ignorant about what you did that upset her so much.
6. She wants privacy
A woman will often ghost the men in her life if she wants a bit of privacy to handle her life’s issues. This privacy can possibly come from turbulent events in her life where she doesn’t have the mental energy to interact with you (or anyone for that matter). Or, recent events that have transpired to make her reassess her priorities about who she lets into her life.
7. She’s Cheating
If she’s engaging in an affair while you’re in a relationship with her, it’s not uncommon for her to ghost you to focus on her new relationship under the auspices of being “too busy”.
8. She’s a manipulative person
Not every woman is a good person or has good intentions. Ghosting a person is a very drastic and hurtful action that some women use to try to manipulate men. Some women use ghosting as a way of ignoring you to gain leverage in a relationship, where things are always on her terms (and not yours).
What’s worse is that when she decides to “un-ghost” you (if ever), she may gaslight you into thinking that it was all in your head and that something happened. Now that that “something” is over with, she’ll keep you in the loop until choosing to ghost you in the future at a whim.
She Ghosted Me: Now What?
If you’re certain that you know the answer to “why did she ghost me?”, you’re probably looking for tips on how to move forward. In this section, we’ll look at the most practical strategies to put everything into perspective and get over being ghosted.
Dealing with the emotional effects of ghosting
According to a number of studies, the relatively new phenomenon of ghosting has a very negative effect on those who are ghosted. In one study, participants who had been ghosted reported less satisfaction with life, as well as a greater sense of helplessness and self-perceived loneliness.
Getting over being ghosted isn’t easy, either. Being cut away from a potential romantic prospect creates an effect that’s very similar to drug addiction - and she was the supplier of positive “dopamine hits” that created a bond in your mind (even if you had never progressed beyond texting or met in person).
Every man is different, but it helps to put things into perspective. After all, if she was willing to ghost you, what do you think her behavior would be further in the relationship? You may have dodged a bullet and you can use this as solace to move forward.
However, if you’re suffering from psychological distress from being ghosted, it’s always wise to talk to a trusted friend or therapist to sort out these feelings. These negative feelings may actually be rooted in emotional baggage that you’ve been carrying around, some of which could be related to previous traumas or the fear of abandonment.
Move on
As with most negative experiences in life, the sooner that you can move on, the better. There’s no timeframe for men to heal from being ghosted, as everyone’s different and the level of investment you may have had in a partner is completely subjective.
There are quick and easy ways to get over a breakup that can help you bounce back. If you’re also up for it, you might consider entering a rebound relationship (which can be surprisingly helpful).
Understand your mistakes
You may not be completely innocent when you’ve been ghosted by a girl. If you believe you were at fault for her ghosting you, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself and look for better women.
This process can take months to figure out, especially if you were romantically linked or her ghosting came out of the blue. Take some time to heal yourself and understand that, in the grand scheme of things, she did you a favor by self-selecting out of your options for a viable partner.
Accept that you may never find out why she ghosted you
This next point may not sit well with you: You may never find out why she ghosted you. Whether it was related to something that you did or the circumstances in her life, the reality of being ghosted is that there will be few (if any) ways to get in contact with her or resolve the situation for closure.
Considering men are usually fact-driven and objective, this feeling of uncertainty is perhaps the main driver of depression in men that have been ghosted.
As a solution, men need to accept that there will never be closure. For a complete in-depth guide to help you through the difficult but beneficial process, check out our article on how to get over the one who got away.
Reach out through other channels
If you believe that you’ve been ghosted in error, you may want to reach out to her through other ways to contact her to get an answer. For example, you may want to contact her friends and family to see what happened if you have a relationship with them. Or, you can choose social media if she ghosted you via text (and vice versa).
Bear in mind that continuing to pursue her can lead to some drama and may make her feel that you’re stalking her. Therefore, only reach out to her once. If there’s no answer, it’s better to forget her and move on with your life than to look desperate.
ZALILOVA Chulpan is the daughter of Musa Jalil. All deaths out of spite.
I saw my daughter in a dream.
She came and smoothed my forelock with her hand.
- Oh, you walked for a long time! - told me,
And the eyes of a child looked straight into the soul.
Dizzy with joy,
I hugged the baby, and my heart sang.
And I thought: so that's what you are,
Love, longing, reached the limit!
nine0002 (M.Jalil. "Sleep in prison")
Musa Jalil immortalized his name twice: as a poet and as a hero of the Great Patriotic War. His poems and poems are widely known, books have been written about his feat, monuments are erected to him in large and small cities, streets, theaters, distant planets are named after him ... However, fame and recognition have a downside: the hero can, as it were, bronze, turn into a symbol. Musa Jalil had a different fate, because the love and devotion of his family, loved ones continue to live in spite of everything. nine0007 The daughter of the poet Chulpan Zalilova told us about the memory of her father, about the difficulties that befell their family, about the reverent respect of the granddaughter and great-grandchildren for the memory of Musa Jalil.
REFERENCE
Musa Jalil, full name Musa Mustafaevich Zalilov (Jalilov), was born in the village of Mustafino, Orenburg province in 1906.
From 1927 to 19For 42 years he lived, studied and worked in Moscow. In 1931 he graduated from Moscow State University. M.V. Lomonosov. After graduating from the Faculty of Literature and Art, he worked as an editor and publicist, took part in the social and educational activities of the Tatar society, combining this work with poetic creativity.
In the late 1920s and early 1930s, a collection of his poems "To Comrade", "Poems and Poems" in the Tatar language was published in Moscow. At 19In 35, his collection was published in Russian. In the summer of 1936, the poet married Amina Saifullina, a graduate of an economic college. On April 10, 1937, a daughter, Chulpan, was born in a young family. Amina Khanum recalled that for the six pre-war years, the most active in the work of Musa Jalil, they lived very friendly.
Chulpan brought parents a lot of joy. Her father, who loved her endlessly, turned caring for her daughter into a fun game. The happy days lived with Musa remained the brightest in the life of Amina Zalilova. She carried love and devotion to him throughout her life. (Amina Khanum died in 2006 in Moscow. June 21, 2013 marks the 100th anniversary of her birth.)
In February 1942, M. Jalil, with the rank of political instructor, was sent to the Volkhov Front, where he worked in the editorial office of the newspaper Courage. Seriously wounded, he was taken prisoner. Together with like-minded people, he created an underground resistance group that was preparing an escape from captivity, but the Gestapo tracked down the underground. The Nazi court sentenced Musa Jalil and ten other organizers of underground work to death. On August 25, 1944, they were beheaded by guillotine in the Plötzensee prison on the outskirts of Berlin. nine0007
The feat of Musa Jalil and his associates is an example of fidelity to the military oath and civic duty.
The path of recognition of their exploits was a long one. The Moabite Notebook, poems written by the poet in captivity, fell into the hands of Konstantin Simonov, who removed the slanderous slander from the poet.
In February 1956, Musa Jalil was awarded the title of Hero of the Soviet Union for exceptional stamina and courage shown in the fight against the Nazi invaders. At 19In 57, Musa Jalil was awarded the title of laureate of the Lenin Prize for the cycle of poems "Moabit Notebook".
Now the family of Musa and Amina Zalilov continues to live and work in Moscow - this is daughter Chulpan Museevna, granddaughter Tatyana Malysheva and two great-grandchildren - Mikhail and Liza.
Chulpan Museevna, at what age did you realize that you were born in a special family?
I never thought about it. I had a cloudless, joyful childhood. I was loved by my parents, especially my father. My dad and I were very attached to each other.
He worked with me a lot, walked, took me to work with him. With the outbreak of the war, everything changed. We, the children of war, perceive our childhood tragically, although childhood always remains childhood. Forty children studied in our class, two or three children had fathers, the rest died at the front or were captured. nine0008
When the well-known sad events related to my father happened, a difficult time came for our family. The shadow of suspicion hovering over us prevented us from living, my mother and I were in complete isolation. But when I became almost an adult, I studied in the senior class, the whole country knew that my father was a hero ...
Do you remember the moment when everyone found out the truth about your father?
Of course. On April 23, 1953, there was a publication in the Literary Gazette. I knew that my mother, before the publication of this issue, talked more than once with Konstantin Simonov, the editor-in-chief of the newspaper.
He was also very worried. They waited for the public reaction to the publication of the poems from the Moabite Notebook. Following this, the article "Stronger than death" appeared in Pravda. This has already become the universal recognition of my father. nine0008
Did people's attitude towards you change after that?
The attitude of relatives has not changed. Relatives, relatives of the father and mother, always knew that the father is an extraordinary person, deeply decent. But it is one thing to know within oneself, and another thing is universal recognition. After the war, many bypassed our house in Stoleshnikov Lane. We were supported only by a few true friends, these are the poet Ahmet Fayzi, Raziya khanum Faizova, who worked in the Union of Writers, and, of course, Gazi Kashshaf, to whom his father bequeathed his literary inheritance. Of course, after 1953 years, the number of friends and admirers of the father has increased ...
Could you share your most vivid memory of your father?
There are many such moments.
For example, my father took me with him to the rehearsal of the opera “Altyn chech” (“Golden-haired”). Despite the fact that I was still very young, I remember it. I was also at his work in the Writers' Union, he put me in a chair, where I patiently waited for him. Just before the war, we went to the sea to Yalta, my father carried me in his arms around the white fountain, played with me. These are my very personal memories. nine0008
I even remember the first day of the war. We had to go to the dacha to Gazi Kashshaf, and suddenly we learned that the war had begun. The joyful mood of the parents changed to tragic. We went out of town anyway, but the painful, sad atmosphere that reigned there remained in my memory.
When my father decided to go to the front as a volunteer, he was sent for training near Kazan to a camp at the cavalry unit. Mom and I visited him. I was surprised to see my father in an unusual military uniform. I remember he put me on a horse, and instead of rejoicing, I suddenly burst into tears.
I was four years old. nine0008
Crashed into memory and the moment of farewell to his father. I was very sick then. My father came into my room and sat next to me for a long time. He was in military uniform, and I asked why he had such a hat (it was with an asterisk). Dad cold his palms on my iron bed and then put his hands to my forehead - I had a high temperature.
What was your mother like?
Mom was an absolutely loyal person. Dad was everything to her. When we were alone with her, I often heard from her: “this is daddy”, “this is daddy said”. Everything was subject to memories. She was a very energetic and fearless person. nine0008
When dad went to the front, we stayed in Kazan. In letters, my father asked my mother to move to Moscow, where her parents could support her, in the capital we had a small room in Stoleshnikov Lane. In 1943, they were allowed into Moscow only with passes, and my mother never managed to get permission to enter.
Then one evening we climbed into a military cart with several women. They sat quietly. Before we left, the soldiers found us and began to drive us out. The women begged for help, and we stayed. At each stop, the cars were checked, we lay down on the bunks, afraid to move, the soldiers covered us with overcoats, raincoats, everything that was at hand. So we got to Moscow. nine0008
Mom's parents with their eldest daughter and two grandchildren lived near Moscow. It was very difficult to survive, there were no special earnings. Grandfather worked at a factory where cards were issued. We worked in the garden. As a child, I was familiar with the feeling of constant hunger.
Mom's brother was also at the front. When he was wounded, we were told that he was in a hospital somewhere in the Urals. None of the relatives, except for my mother, dared to go looking for him. She got there somehow, found him, knew he was fine. She returned safely and brought us, the children, a gift - a small can of honey.
nine0008
Mom was a very determined person, a true friend. Until the age of 65, she worked as an economist in the State Planning Commission and the State Committee for Supply Chain Management. She got it ... Immediately after the war, in 1945, my mother was constantly dragged to the NKVD, she returned from there barely alive. And when a person is in such a state, it is reflected in those closest to him. I got so much! I physically remember how I was shrinking into a ball when my mother returned home from another such “conversation”. Only when I grew up did I learn the whole truth from her, and then, when I was still a child, I did not understand the reason for my mother's bad mood. nine0008
Do you dream about your father?
When I was little, I dreamed. Now, unfortunately, no. I often see my mother in my dreams.
Chulpan Museevna, tell us about yourself, where you studied and worked.
I graduated from the Faculty of Philology of the Moscow State University named after M.
V. Lomonosov. I have always been drawn to literature, genes have affected. She went to work in the largest publishing house "Fiction", in the editorial office of Russian classics. She worked there for 36 years. She came as a trainee editor, left as a leading scientific editor. I am an Honored Worker of Culture of Russia. I have a medal for labor valor. In my publishing house, together with Rafael Mustafin, I prepared several of my father's books for publication. nine0008
Other virtues and talents of the father were passed on to my daughter and grandchildren. Papa was a very musical person; it is not for nothing that the opera house in Kazan bears his name. He was directly involved in its creation. A Tatar opera studio worked at the Moscow Conservatory, it was created and supervised by Zhiganov and my father. It was on the basis of this studio that the theater was opened in Kazan. Dad, having no musical education, played the mandolin and piano.
My daughter Tatyana has an excellent ear, she graduated from the Central Music School at the Moscow Conservatory and the Gnessin Academy.
Now he works in two schools and is the director of musical projects at one foundation. nine0008
Grandson Misha is a talented violinist. He is 13 years old, but he has already traveled, as a participant in concerts, Vienna, Holland, Germany, Austria. At the age of 9 he received the Grand Prix at the International Competition for Young Violinists in Italy, the second prize at the International Music Festival-Competition "Night in Madrid" in Spain. At the recently held Moscow International Festival "Open Europe" he won the first prize. Misha is a scholarship holder of the Vladimir Spivakov International Foundation. The worker is impossible. We have a cult of work in our family. Everyone works, even little five-year-old Liza. She studies at the preparatory department of the Central Music School at the Moscow Conservatory, plays the small violin and goes to the garden. nine0008
How did you manage to instill in your daughter a reverent attitude towards the memory of your grandfather?
From early childhood, we told her about grandfather.
When there was no monument to my father in Moscow, on his birthday, on the day of execution and on Victory Day, my mother and daughter went to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. They read grandfather's poems to her, she learned them by heart. From the age of 12, Tanya and her grandmother vacationed near Kazan in the summer, we still spend the summer there, her daughter loves this city very much. And, of course, she gradually absorbed all this. And Misha loves his great-grandfather very much. He is an unusual child, of extraordinary kindness. He feels sorry for everyone, there has never been any aggression towards anyone, as a child he did not even have a single toy gun. Recently I was re-reading a book in which I wrote down Misha's childhood statements, and noticed that he thinks a lot. While still very young, he said: “You know, great-grandfather, probably not, he didn’t die. He's probably on some other star. And he probably hears us. He has great-grandfather's books on his desk, from time to time he rereads them.
Nobody is forcing him to do this. The grandson is sensitive. His teacher thinks that's why he plays like that. nine0008
Does he look like a great-grandfather?
If you notice, Tanya looks like our dad, especially in childhood. Now they say that Lisa is very similar. When we come to Kazan, people are often surprised: “Well, wow, what blood!”
Do you have any favorite poems of your father?
I can't select anything separately. I also love the pre-war ones - "Youth", "Lonely Campfire", they exude such purity. I love the Moabite Notebook very much, The Magic Ball, Sometimes It Happens. I can’t read “A Dream in Prison” without tears, as well as those that my father dedicated to my mother. At different moments in my life, some of his poems are close to me. I return to each of them from time to time. nine0008
Pictured:
1. Chulpan Zalilova with her father, Musa Jalil.
2. Chulpan Zalilova with her grandson Mikhail at the monument to Musa Jalil.
3. After the premiere of the opera "Jalil" on the stage of the Tatar State Theatre. From left to right: Nazib Zhiganov, Amina Zalilova, Chulpan Zalilova and Fuat Mansurov.
4. At the Plenipotentiary Representation of the Republic of Tatarstan in the Russian Federation. Musa Jalil's family is discussing with Plenipotentiary Representative R.K. Akhmetshin project of the monument to M. Jalil. nine0008
Dina ALYAUTDINOV
Last updated: February 10, 2021 9:34 AM
Why dream about fire in a dream book: interpretation of dreams about fire
Fire in Miller's dream book
Fire in a dream is considered a good sign if it has not hurt you. Sleep is especially favorable for travelers, sailors, agricultural workers - they are waiting for a long-term well-being. A fire in the house promises you sensitive friends and obedient children, and in a store (if you own it in reality) it speaks of the rapid development of financially profitable projects.
For sailors, entrepreneurs and creative people, a big fire promises success and recognition in their fields of activity. Fighting flames means your work will be hectic. If it was not possible to cope with the emergency and you saw the charred walls of your premises (sales outlet, warehouse, etc.), then trouble will come into your life. But when you are almost desperate, help will come from where you did not expect. After a dream in which you kindled a fire, expect pleasant surprises and a trip to friends who live far away. nine0008
Fire in Vanga's dream book
Dreams about fire can be prophetic and warn of terrible things. So, if you dream of burning paper, then the Earth will be engulfed by a terrible fire, after which people will need not only wood and paper, but also oxygen. A burning forest or a settlement in a dream predicts a drought. It is a punishment for people for their renunciation of God, their barbaric attitude towards the world around them. The people who survived this catastrophe will begin to take care of nature.
They will be saved by a three-day downpour, which will begin when all supplies of drinking water run out. If fire in a dream moves at you from the sky, then the planet is threatened by a meteorite or comet. They can cause colossal damage to cities and kill many people. Beware of a fire in your home if you dreamed of a fire in the stove. Take care of your safety and stay vigilant. Is there acrid smoke coming from a flame in a dream? You will become the object of gossip. To restore the reputation, you will have to spend a lot of effort. But fire can also be a positive symbol. A lit candle reflects your righteous lifestyle, which will always bring joy, peace and love into your life. Another good dream is in which you are warming yourself by the fire. He promises that there will always be devoted people next to you, able to understand and support in any matter. nine0008
Fire in the Islamic dream book
The main interpretation of dreams about fire in the Islamic dream book is war, chaos, loss, death.
The higher the smoke rises from the flame, the more terrible will be the suffering. A fire that devours everything in its path promises a global catastrophe - a war or an epidemic (personal grief brings a dream in which the fire will scorch your clothes or body). Troubles will end if the flame goes out. The trampled fire reflects your protracted anxious state. Extinguishing the fire yourself is an unsuccessful completion of affairs. Light a fire in front of people - provoke a conflict between them, enmity. But if you make a fire in order to warm yourself or others, then you will receive good news, but most importantly, a useful thing will appear in your life that will help improve your financial situation, you will feel safe. Also, according to a number of Islamic figures, fire is associated with a person's religiosity. The flame can symbolize your piety, commitment to the true path. If you come close to the fire, then such a dream promises well-being. But if you lean too close to the fire, let alone eat it, this is a warning: repent of your sins (and they are serious: making money dishonestly, enriching yourself at the expense of orphans).
Otherwise you will go to hell. nine0008
Fire in Freud's dream book
Fire symbolizes the genitals. When a man dreams that he kindles a flame, it means that everything is fine with his potency (if you can’t light a fire, the dream warns of impotence). For a woman, such a dream is a reflection of her dissatisfaction with her partner or the desire to find new sexual relationships (if the fire does not light up, then this indicates doubts about her attractiveness). The propensity for same-sex relationships for a man reveals a dream in which he warms himself by the fire. For a woman, a similar dream means her satisfaction with her sex life. If the flame in a dream scared you, then you are afraid of intimacy. Problems with potency or diseases of the genital area promises a dream about extinguishing a fire. nine0008
Fire in Loff's dream book
Many world civilizations treated fire with fear, but at the same time it also brought purification. Therefore, if in a dream you pass through the fire without damage, then a period of change begins in your life.
To do this, you need to rethink a lot (especially your bad, unethical actions), spiritually prepare. If in a dream you just burn, then it is difficult for you to exist, you treat life as painful, threatening. If some object blazes in a dream (any thing, car, house, etc.), then you are overly attached to it. Loff agrees with Freud that fire symbolizes male power. In this case, a dream may indicate a desire to control a certain situation. Successful fight with fire means that it will succeed. nine0008
Fire in the dream book of Nostradamus
Fire symbolizes passion, carnal desires, desire for change. If in a dream you extinguish a fire, then unrest in society will become organized, it will not be possible to prevent them, and it will be extremely difficult to stop. If the flame raged in the room, then decisions made by mutual agreement will turn into cataclysms or unexpected adventures. The fire, which destroyed everything to ashes, promises the emergence of a new construction project.
It will provide everyone with decent housing. A fire caused by lightning is interpreted as a meeting of a very important person for you. Acquaintance will take place in an unusual setting. Participation in arson reflects problems, disorder, injustice that will provoke decisive action. Do you dream of horses rushing about in fire? This is a dream-prophecy: 2038 will be the richest year for marriages in a whole century, in many countries the demographic situation will begin to improve. For a long time, some situation did not let you go in reality? She will have a sad ending if you dream about how you saved a man from a fire. nine0008 Fire symbolizes passion, carnal desires, the desire for change. Photo: pixabay.com
Fire in Tsvetkov's dream book
Fire in a dream symbolizes unfulfilled hopes, disappointments, problems in personal life, danger (if it is with smoke), notoriety (if it burns the body). But if there is a positive interpretation of dreams about fire: if it burns in a furnace, then wealth awaits you, and if you feel a burn, then new acquaintances and exciting news.
Fire in Esoteric dream book
A dream about fire warns: violent passions, excessive emotions, fatal attachments will have an extremely negative impact on your life, and will also harm your health if you dream of a burning house. If in a dream you kindle a flame, it means that you are the cause of the excessive emotions of others. Extinguishing fire in a dream symbolizes the coming struggle with your temptations.
Comment of a specialist
Anna Pogoreltseva, psychologist:
The fire that appears in a dream is a private harbinger of a quarrel. Especially if you saw not just a flame, but a burning object, a building, or found out something set your property on fire. nine0008
Pay attention to relationships with the opposite sex and people in general. In communication, problems will begin, mutual understanding will disappear.
When the deterioration of relations occurs for no apparent reason, out of the blue, think about whether you could become the object of a conspiracy to quarrel or separation? A dream in which, in addition to fire, there are other negative symbols, indicates that someone strongly dislikes your well-being, this someone dreams of “burning” everything that was given to you, that you have, and that you have earned with your work.
