When you don t like someone

How to Deal With People You Don't Like

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Successful people often shift their perspectives on things. Unsplash / Pixabay

Unless you're a genetic anomaly, it's likely you will meet people you don't like throughout your lifetime. Whether it's your mother-in-law or one of your colleagues, you're bound to come across someone you simply don't click with.

According to Deep Patel, author of the book A Paperboy's Fable: The 11 Principles of Success, it helps to remember nobody's perfect. That includes you.

In a blog post for Entrepreneur.com, Patel highlights some tips successful people use to deal with people they don't get along with. After all, it's unlikely you'll simply be able to avoid people you don't like — in fact, Patel argues if you restrict who you can work with, you are only limiting yourself.

Instead of burying your head in the sand, try and shift your perspective in the ways successful people do. Here are some tips from Patel and other sources such as Psychology Today.

1. Accept that you can't get on with everyone.

Pixabay

As much as we hope to like everyone we meet, it often simply isn't the case. Patel says the first step to dealing with the people you don't click with is accepting nobody gets on with everyone, and that's okay. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, and it doesn't mean they are either (not necessarily, anyway.)

According to psychologist Dr Susan Krauss in a blog post on Psychology Today, it's likely that you and the person just aren't a good fit. Consultant and author Beverly D. Flaxington explains in another blog post on Psychology Today that our behavioural styles can get come between people. Some are dominant, whereas others are timid. Some people are optimists and others consider themselves "realists."

A research paper by Hamstra et al looked at something called "regulatory fit," which translates as: we are much more likely to put effort into the things we like doing. Chances are you don't enjoy interacting with the people you don't like, and so you don't put much effort in. Over time, this lack of effort can turn into contempt.

2. Try and put a positive spin on what they are saying.

Unsplash / Katie Treadway

Krauss says you could try and look at how people are acting differently. Your in-laws might not have meant to imply that you aren't smart, and your co-worker may not actually be trying to sabotage you.

Even if the person you're having difficulty with is aggravating you on purpose, getting angry about it will probably just make you look bad. So try and give them the benefit of the doubt.

3. Be aware of your own emotions.

Mark Mauno / Flickr

Patel says it's important to remember your own emotions matter, but ultimately you alone have control over how you react to situations. People will only drive you crazy if you allow them to. So don't let your anger spin out of control.

If someone is rubbing you the wrong way, recognise those feelings and then let them go without engaging with the person. Sometimes just smiling and nodding will do the trick.

The key, Patel says, is in treating everyone you meet with the same level of respect. That doesn't mean you have to agree with a person you don't like or go along with what they say, but you should act civilised and be polite. In doing this, you can remain firm on your issues but not come across like you're attacking someone personally, which should give you the upper hand.

4. Don't take it personally and get some space.

Unsplash / Sander Smeekes

More often than not a disagreement is probably a misunderstanding. If not, and you really do fundamentally disagree with someone, then try and see it from their perspective.

Try not to overreact, because they may overreact in return, meaning things escalate quickly and fiercely. Try to rise above it all by focusing on facts, and try to ignore how the other person is reacting, no matter how ridiculous or irrational. Concentrate on the issue, Patel says, not the person.

If you need some space, take it. You're perfectly within your rights to establish boundaries and decide when you interact with someone. If you feel yourself getting worked up, take a time-out and get some breathing space. President of TalentSmart Dr. Travis Bradberry explains it simply in a post on LinkedIn: if they were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? No, you'd move away and get some fresh air.

5. Express your feelings calmly and consider using a referee.

Gareth Williams / Flickr

Usually, the way we communicate is more important than what we actually say. If someone is repeatedly annoying you and it's leading to bigger problems, Patel says it's probably time to say something.

However, confrontation doesn't have to be aggressive. Patel recommends you use "I" statements, such as "I feel annoyed when you do this, so could you please do this instead."

Being as specific as possible will make it more likely the person will take what you're saying on board. It will also give them a better opportunity to share their side of the story.

Krauss says it might be a good idea to use another person as a mediator in these discussions because they can bring a level of objectivity to a situation. You may not end up as friends, but you might find out a way to communicate and work together in an effective way. She says learning to work with people you find difficult is a very fulfilling experience, and it could become one more way of showing how well you overcome barriers.

6. Pick your battles.

Pixabay / Unsplash

Sometimes it might just be easier to let things go. Not everything is worth your time and attention. You have to ask yourself whether you really want to engage with the person, or your effort might be better spent just getting on with your work, or whatever else you're doing.

Patel says the best way to figure this out is weighing up whether the issue is situational. Will it go away in time, or could it get worse? If it's the latter, it might be better expending energy into sorting it out sooner or later. If it's just a matter of circumstance, you'll probably get over it fairly quickly.

7. Don't be defensive.

Pixabay / hzv_westfalen_de

If you find someone is constantly belittling you or focusing on your flaws, don't bite. The worst thing you can do is be defensive. Patel says this will only give them more power. Instead, turn the spotlight on them and start asking them probing questions, such as what in particular their problem is with what you're doing.

If they start bullying you, call them out on it. If they want you to treat them with respect, they have to earn it by being civil to you, too. Dr Berit Brogaard, a neuroscientist, explains in a blog post on Psychology Today that workplace gossip and bullying can be a method of power play, or a way of bullying others into submission.

If you want to be sneaky to get someone to agree with you, there are psychological tricks you can use. Research suggests you should speak faster when disagreeing with someone so they have less time to process what you're saying. If you think they might be agreeing with you, then slow down so they have time to take in your message.

8. Ultimately, remember you are in control of your own happiness.

Unsplash / Olu Eletu

If someone is really getting on your nerves, it can be difficult to see the bigger picture. However, you should never let someone else limit your happiness or success.

If you're finding their comments are really getting to you, ask yourself why that is. Are you self-conscious about something, or are you anxious about something at work? If so, focus on this instead of listening to other people's complaints.

You alone have control over your feelings, so stop comparing yourself to anyone else. Instead, remind yourself of all your achievements, and don't let someone gain power over you just because they momentarily darken your day.

12 Ways Successful People Deal With People They Dislike

No one likes dealing with a difficult person. Life would be so much easier if we could just avoid all the people we dislike.

But, as they say, life happens. You might have to work on a project with a vexing colleague. Or your biggest frenemy keeps showing up to professional mixers and social functions. Worst of all, you might find out your most irksome family members are coming for dinner.

Watch on Forbes:

Successful people are often able to handle problematic personalities they have to interact with. It’s a delicate art, and one you can learn as well.

The first step is to take a deep breath and realize that this is part of life. Sometimes we have to grin and bear it. But there are a few things we can do to make the best of a challenging situation. If you take these 12 tips to heart, you’ll be able to successfully deal with a person you disdain.

1. Let It Go

Often we so dread interacting with someone we dislike that our anxiety levels start mounting before we even step into the room with that person. When your nerves are jangling, it can be all too easy to overreact and jump down someone’s throat or say something you might regret.

Emotions are like a genie: once you let them out of the bottle, it’s hard to get them back under control. So if you know you’ll be dealing with someone who stresses you out, take a deep breath and channel your inner Zen. Quiet your mind. Adopt a “let it go” attitude. If you feel your ire start to rise, focus on listening more and talking less. Remember, you don’t have to eat words you never say.

2. Focus On Healthy Ways To Communicate

If you find yourself dealing with someone who gives you chronic hives, it’s time to find a way to calmly but assertively express how you feel. Most problems stem from the way we communicate with each other. Instead of reacting (which often means overreacting), try explaining how you feel in a nonconfrontational tone. One of the best ways of doing this is by making “I” statements.

An “I” statement uses the formula: “When you ___, I feel ___.” You might say something like: “When you focus on your phone instead of looking at me when I’m talking, I feel like you’re not valuing what I have to say. ” Then wait to hear how the other person responds. Be specific about which behaviors make you upset and what you would like them to do to correct the problem. Once you’ve made your point, be sure to listen to their side.

3. Practice Civility

Extending common courtesies to everyone is a good rule of thumb, no matter who you are dealing with. Treating everyone with politeness and respect, even when you disagree, will create a baseline of civility. That means treating others as you want to be treated. Even small gestures of kindness can help ease tensions and forge goodwill.

Put on your best manners and focus on handling situations with grace and poise. If you do so, those around you will respect you and see you as having integrity. Avoid personal attacks and consistently act with a level of decorum and you’ll have the upper hand when dealing with those who want to tear you down.

4. Sidestep When Possible

The reality is that dealing with a difficult person can be similar to picking your way through a minefield. For example, you may know that certain topics are hot-button issues with a person. If that’s the case, it may be best to sidestep certain conversations.

Yes, you should be able to voice your concerns, and picking your battles doesn’t mean avoiding confrontation altogether. But you should also think carefully about what you decide to tackle and when—many of our problems are situational and may dissipate with time. Consider what issues are worth your time and what you’re feeling emotionally up for dealing with. If someone wants to discuss something you know is going to make you (or them) see red, calmly tell them you want to table that discussion for the time being.

5. Fake It Till You Make It

Staying composed isn’t always easy, especially when dealing with someone who grates on your nerves. Instead of trying to beat them at their own game, it may be time to bluff your way out.

Think of this as an opportunity to perfect your ultimate poker face. If this were a game of high-stakes cards, you would do everything in your power to conceal your hand. You would be deadpan, showing only what you want to show. This in essence is how you distance yourself from someone emotionally, and it’s a great way to give yourself emotional space during difficult situations.

6. Be Mindful Of Your Emotions

While you may be practicing presenting an expressionless face to the world, don’t attempt to ignore your emotions altogether. Though emotional distance means keeping someone at arm’s length, you also have to stay mindful of how you are feeling. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t know when it’s happening.

So take note of your inner emotional rollercoaster. What is this person saying or doing to tick you off? By recognizing what is going on with you internally, you can take steps to keep them from doing it again, such as knowing when to disengage. Find a way to give yourself space to regroup and move on.

7. Put A Positive Spin On It

If you have to deal on an ongoing basis with someone you dislike, it may be helpful to try to put a positive spin on how you perceive them, or at least have fewer negative assumptions about them.

So instead of focusing on a pessimistic thought (“My co-worker just looked at me and rolled her eyes — she must be thinking something negative about me!”), try to see it from a more neutral standpoint (“My co-worker rolled her eyes, but she might not have intended that toward me. She might just be thinking of something else, like how much work she has…”). Reframing it this way will allow you to feel less provoked and help you let little things go.

8. Find Common Ground

Instead of avoiding a person who drives you crazy, you may want to try spending a little more time with them. This probably goes against every fiber of your being, especially if the person makes your list of Top Most Annoying People. But if you spend a little more time getting to know them, such as working on a project with them, you’ll get to understand them better.

As they say: walk a mile in another person’s shoes and you will see things from their perspective. Taking the time to understand a person you dislike can help you have more empathy and compassion for them. You may see that there are reasons they are the way they are. Being able to build a rapport with them will help you bridge those frustrating communication gaps. You may even find that you have more in common than you imagined.

9. Recognize The Value In Differing Opinions

Understanding other people’s perspectives is an important leadership skill. After all, managers and leaders are called on to oversee people from a variety of backgrounds.

From the standpoint of getting the best performance out of your employees, it doesn’t really matter if you like them or not; nor does it matter if they like you. In fact, it can be helpful to seek out the perspective of people with vastly different points of view. They may be able to offer unique insights that challenge and provoke new thinking.

10. Take A Good Look In The Mirror

If you’re having ongoing issues with someone and are having a hard time understanding why, you may want to look inward. Ask yourself what it is about this person that sets you off. Are you letting your sensitivities blow a situation out of proportion? Sometimes we let jealousy or envy get in the way.

Could resentment be playing a role in how you deal with this person? It can also be easy to misinterpret someone’s actions or read ulterior motives into them. Is there something in your own experiences that may be unfairly influencing how you see someone? It’s important to be aware of your own biases or preconceived notions. Recognizing that you share some of the blame may be the first step toward correcting a problem.

11. Find Your Circle Of Trust

Don’t attempt to tackle everything by yourself — that will only leave you feeling isolated and more frustrated. Try tapping into a support system. Turning to a trusted circle of friends will give you the space you need to feel heard, allowing you to vent and air your grievances.

A mentor or a trusted colleague may be able to offer advice on how to deal with a particularly touchy situation at work. Just knowing that someone understands what you are going through can be helpful. And your friends may be able to give you a new perspective on how to handle a challenging person.

12. Focus On Yourself

The bottom line is that you only have control over yourself and your own actions. Instead of fixating on how much you dislike someone or how angry they make you feel, focus on your strategy for handling them. Think about what you can do to limit their ability to get under your skin.

Don’t allow yourself to fall victim to a disagreeable person. They aren’t worth it. Remember, no one can drag you down and steal your joy unless you let them.

What to do if you have to communicate with someone you don't like? — www.

ellegirl.ru

Love

Unfortunately, throughout our lives we only do that we get into situations where we have to endure those who are unpleasant to you. At school, this may be a too strict teacher who finds fault only with you. Then at some point it may seem that when you grow up, you will be able to choose your own circle of friends. And in part it is, but only in part. So today we will talk about how to survive in a team with someone who is unpleasant to you. nine0003

Photo: www.tumblr.com

Let off steam

If someone offended you in some way, try to talk to him and resolve the conflict. The worst thing you can do in such a situation is to accumulate anger in yourself. Then it can turn into not only stress, but also a big scandal (someone will gradually boil).

If you can't resolve the conflict on your own, turn to the elders

It's not about squealing. There is always someone who has more authority: a teacher, a parent, a boss, to whom you can turn for help. You should always think first of all about your well-being, and not about what others might think of you. If everyone is inactive - draw conclusions and run. nine0003

Never get into a fight or get personal

Useless swearing, which can easily turn into a fight, is dangerous with possible consequences. You know, anything can happen, you can push a person so that then he will not wake up again. Insults, blackmail and threats can also play a trick on you. After all, a person can go to court with this.

Photo: www.tumblr.com

State your benefit

Probably, if life forced you to communicate with an unpleasant person, and you cannot leave him, then you need him for some reason. Then you need to motivate yourself to benefit from this person. For example, if you don't quarrel with the teacher, he will give you good grades. nine0003

Find the good in this person

Every person has good and bad qualities, and if you don't like someone, then all your attention is focused on the negative. Being angry doesn't make anyone feel better (and you, too), so try to shift your attention to the positive traits.

Do not force yourself to love

The advice to see the good in a person does not mean that you are obliged to love him. It is enough just to remain neutral and not quarrel, this will make your life much easier. nine0003

Photo: www.tumblr.com

Maybe you're angry for nothing

Let's say your boyfriend left for another girl, and now you hate her with all your heart. But if you judge, what is the percentage of her fault that your relationship fell apart? A person is not a goat, you can’t just take him away, so it’s definitely not the third party that is to blame, but you yourself (you and the young man or only the young man - depending on the circumstances). So think about how your negativity is logical. nine0003

A person with bile inside is always unhappy

When we accumulate negativity in ourselves (rather than hitting a punching bag with a portrait of an offender in the gym), we poison ourselves, destroy our lives and the lives of those who love us. Therefore, try not to be vindictive and release the bad that is sitting inside you (make efforts yourself or contact a psychologist). When you let go of your resentment and anger, you will know how happy you can be.

Dasha Krasnova

8 secrets of communicating with someone who annoys you

March 21, 2022 Relationship

Even if you are the friendliest person in the world, sooner or later you will meet someone who will get on your nerves.

Don't worry if you don't like someone. We are all different. And this reaction reminds us that no one is perfect. Including ourselves.

1. Accept the fact that you can't get along with everyone

This is normal. Some people like you, and some people can't stand you. This does not mean that there is something wrong with you or with others. We all just have our own preferences.

The difference in characters plays a decisive role in this. An extrovert will find an introvert boring, and a convinced realist may find the fine mood of an optimist inadequate.

We tend to invest in what we like. Suppose you are annoyed by one of your acquaintances or colleagues. Of course, you will not seek to meet him and keep in touch. But sometimes this approach can turn into open hostility. nine0003

2. Try to understand your interlocutor

Maybe your mother-in-law doesn't consider you frivolous, as you always thought. And the colleague is not really trying to set you up. Take a closer look, and perhaps you will understand the motives of their actions or even extract some useful advice.

Don't get angry if there really is a good reason for criticism. You will only make yourself look bad. Just take my word for it and take the critical remark into service. nine0003

3. Keep your emotions under control

How you react to any situation depends on you. She can drive you crazy if you let it. Don't waste your strength.

Don't give in if someone hurts you or tries to piss you off. Sometimes “smile and wave” is the best method.

It is very important to initially treat everyone you meet with respect. This does not mean that you should always follow the lead and agree with everyone. nine0003

Be polite to other people. Thus, you will remain in your opinion, keep calm and the advantage will be on your side.

4. Don't take everything to heart

Very often we simply misunderstand a person. Perhaps he simply did not quite accurately express his thought, or his day did not work out in the morning. You should not take it out on someone, because he can break out on you in return. This will only exacerbate the situation. Be above this, concentrate on the matter, not paying attention to the inadequate reaction of the interlocutor. nine0003

If you feel tired and low energy, take a break, take a walk. Set boundaries for your personal space where no one can disturb you.

5. Speak calmly

How we communicate is often more important than what we say. If the situation has heated up, then it's time to talk about it. However, the dialogue should not be aggressive. It is better to use sentences that begin with the words “I”, “me”, “me”, for example: “It annoys me when you do this. Could you act differently?" Most likely, the interlocutor will listen to you and also express his opinion. nine0003

Sometimes it pays to call on a third party for help. Another person can objectively assess the situation. Maybe after the dialogue you will not become friends with the one with whom the conflict has matured, but at least you will be able to communicate normally.

Working with people you find difficult to get along with is a rewarding experience that will show you how you can deal with problems.

6. Prioritize

Not everything deserves your time and attention. You must decide whether you really want to keep in touch with this or that person, or whether it is better to concentrate, for example, on work. nine0003

Consider the situation. Will it get worse over time? Sooner or later the problem will have to be solved. If the conflict is ripe simply by coincidence, then you will quickly be able to deal with it.

7. Do not take a defensive position

If you feel constant dissatisfaction with you from someone else, if someone focuses only on your shortcomings, you should not rush at this person with your fists. This is not a way out. Such behavior will only irritate him. Instead, it is better to ask directly what exactly does not suit him. Gossip or harassment can be a sign that they want to manipulate you or even demonstrate their power.

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