When to have the exclusivity talk
How Long Should You Date Before Talking About Exclusivity? Experts Say It Depends
Relationships
by Korey Lane
Shutterstock
Once you've been casually dating someone for a few months, it's normal to start feeling like you'd like to establish some sort of exclusivity. After all, if you really don't want to see anyone else, and the thought of your partner seeing someone else makes your skin crawl, it's definitely worth mentioning. But how long should you date before talking about exclusivity? Well, every couple — and situation — is different, but experts agree that you shouldn't rush into that discussion.
If exclusively dating this one person is something that's important to you know that there isn't an exact timeline for
when you should have that talk. "I think if you want to be exclusive with someone, you should bring it up, but know that everyone has a different timeline," Anita A. Chlipala, dating and relationships expert, tells Elite Daily. "Talking about exclusivity can also let you know early on whether someone does want the same thing as you or not."
Chlipala recommends waiting at least a couple months. "It doesn't have to be exact, but I recommend dating someone for two to three months before you think about exclusivity," she says. "It gives you enough time for some of the infatuation to wear off and for patterns to emerge. You need time to put your date's behaviors into a broader context. You can also avoid the 'crash and burn' which often happens between the four-to six-week mark."
ShutterstockChlipala isn't the only one who suggests waiting a few months to define the relationship. "I always caution my dating coaching clients and matchmaking clients alike to wait about three months, which some struggle with, and most people dating also find it hard to believe," Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Elite Daily.
"Most people go exclusive way too soon in my book, which can leave them off the market with the wrong person, never meeting the right person for them for years to come."
And while there's nothing wrong with waiting a bit to actually DTR, Irene Fehr, sex and intimacy coach, recommends being upfront from the very beginning about where you would like to be eventually. There is nothing wrong with being 100% that b*tch and telling someone at the very start of dating that you only want to be in an exclusive relationship. If you don't want to waste any time and you want to be on the same page as your date, be honest.
"It's important to let them know upfront, ideally on the first date, so that they can let you know if they want the same thing and if they can agree to this," Fehr tells Elite Daily. "Knowing this information upfront can save both of you energy and time (and hurt feelings) — or, equally, it can help you find a partner who wants and is ready for the same thing you want and who can actually deliver on it," Fehr adds.
Now, that's not to say that you need to DTR on the first date. Quite the contrary, take your time! But being on the same page about where you want to be can be helpful, so everyone can manage their expectations accordingly.
That said, telling the person you've been seeing that you want to be exclusive should also include a talk about what "exclusive" means for both of you. "You also want to define exclusivity for each other," Fehr explains. "Does it solely refer to going on dates? Does it include sex? Does exclusivity include getting off dating apps and stopping online conversations? It's important to be clear to set expectations so that your (potential) partner can know what they're agreeing to and can also deliver on their promise."
If you want to be exclusive with someone, that's great! It's awesome that you've found someone special and only want to be with them. If the two of you have been dating for several months, it's probably an ideal time to bring it up.
Remember: You deserve to get what you want out of a relationship — exclusivity and all — but your partner's not going to know what you want until you tell them.
How and when to have the exclusivity talk when dating?
Nervous about the exclusivity talk?The exclusivity talk can be way easier than you think. I’ll show you…
By the end of your third date with a woman, you usually have a good sense of how much you like her and what you’d like going forward.
Right around that time (or whenever you feel it’s appropriate), it’s great to have an air-clearing check-in.
Reason being, when you have the exclusivity talk, it gets everyone on the same page and avoids…
- distracting anxiety,
- carelessly hurt feelings, and
- other unpleasantness.
Whether or not you want to be in an exclusive relationship with the woman you’ve been dating, you’ll be able to communicate that with her once you know what to say and how to say it.
That’s why today, I’m going to share with you in detail the 4 healthy conversations you can have with a woman in the exclusivity talk, including exact word-for-word scripts you can use!
What does it mean to be exclusive?
According to Merriam-Webster, exclusive is defined as “limiting or limited to possession, control, or use by a single individual or group.”
In the context of dating, being exclusive means that you don’t want to date other people. You are both focused on getting to know each other, and you want to be loyal to one another during that time.
First thing is being firm and not waffling on what you want.
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Back to the exclusivity talk:
When you’re prepared to have the exclusive relationship talk in a relaxed and clear way, your mind is at ease and you can enjoy dating and relationships way more than you could otherwise.
This goes for women you met online and in-person.
Knowing how to have the exclusivity talk and define the relationship is so helpful!
Today we’re going to explore “3rd Date Conversations” (named for simplicity, but have them whenever you feel it’s appropriate. It’s not contingent on the number of dates you’ve had with her).
Wherever you’re at, having the exclusivity talk effectively transitions you from the nebulous,
“What do I want here, and does she even know that?”
into clarity.
Clarity is the ultimate respect towards her and yourself.
Note: If you’re still gaining clarity on what you want from your dating life, start with what you want in general, based on who you are uniquely, through the helpful exercise in our free ebook.
On Date 3 or so, you can have one of these four conversations:
Either…
- You’re not willing to be exclusive.
- You’re willing to date exclusively as a trial-run.
- You want to date her exclusively, so you see if she’d also like that.
- You let her down gently in a way that corresponds to how intimate you’ve become.
Let’s dive into the specifics of each, including exact word-for-word scripts.
Conversation #1:
You Are Not Willing To Be Exclusive.
If you know well before Date 3 that you don’t want to be exclusive, then definitely bring it up then.
The earlier, the better.
For example you can playfully work in something like,
“I’m dating and playing right now, and it’s a lot of fun!”
You can weave this into the first conversation ever, either on the first date or before then if you met in-person, just to give women an idea of where you are at dating-wise.
If you would genuinely like to keep seeing her but you’re also clear that you don’t want to be exclusive with her, you can bring up the exclusivity talk like this:
Hey, I know we’re getting to know each other more.
So I wanted to check in with you about the bigger picture of our dating lives.
Since I’m dating other people, I wanted to be respectful and clear and let you know that.
If you’re dating other people too, great!
Just wanted to clear the air.
Then let her respond.
Once she tells you her reply…
If she’s not at all okay with it and wants to be exclusive with you, then you can decide:
Option 1: Are you willing to be exclusive with her for a few more dates while you feel things out and then decide whether you want to cut ties or keep it going?
Option 2: Or do you already know that you’re not open to a longer-term exclusivity with her and you think it’s cleaner to go ahead and go your separate ways?
If it’s the former, see Conversation #2 below.
If it’s the latter, you can say something like this:
I totally get that you’d like to be exclusive, and I’m flattered.
At the same time, I just know that’s not something I can provide right now.
I would never want to hurt you and I am CERTAINLY never going to tell you I’m being exclusive when I’m not.
I want each of us to be true to ourselves without compromising what we genuinely want.
So I think it’s best for both of us if we go ahead and part ways.
If you go that route, be sure to thank her for y’all’s time together. What did you love about being with her? Let her know.
Conversation #2:
You Are Willing To Do An Exclusivity Trial-Run.
If you think or know that she wants to be exclusive and you’re willing to do that for a few more dates with the possibility of being exclusive longer-term, you can bring up the exclusivity talk like this:
Okay, I totally understand and respect that you’d like to be exclusive.
How about we date exclusively for the next month or so and then revisit how we feel?
If you want, you can add…
What’s most important to me is that we’re each true to ourselves, doing what feels right for us as individuals.
I am absolutely willing to honor your desire for exclusivity as I get to know you better.
Then we can take it from there and see what we want to do, whether it makes sense to continue or not.
How does that sound?
If she says that she would like that, then the two of you can revisit the exclusivity talk after doing more things together and getting to know each other more for a few dates.
You can then discuss returning to casually dating, if that’s the best way forward.
Conversation #3:
You Want To See Her Exclusively.
If you’re on Date Three and you really like her, and you’re clear within yourself that you’re so taken with her that you’re not interested in dating other women right now, you can bring up the exclusivity talk like this:
Hey, I really like you.
I love spending time with you, and I think you’re an awesome person.
In the few dates we’ve had, I’ve found myself naturally losing interest in seeing other people.
I’d like to date exclusively while we continue to get to know each other.
Is that something you’d like to do too?
If she decides to agree, awesome! You’ve let her know that you want to see her and only her on the way to more.
To have the exclusivity talk after a few dates gives you a buffer between first getting to know each other and then being in an exclusive relationship where deeper commitment happens.
After awhile, she will naturally start referring to you as her boyfriend, and you’ll refer to her as your girlfriend.
Conversation #4:
You Want To Transition Out.
If it’s still early on and you know you don’t want to see her again, don’t worry!
Intimacy is an intense thing.
The fact that you’re not sold on continuing to become more intimate with her is not a personal insult.
Just see if you can get clear on that as soon as possible, so you can drop things off at Date 1 or Date 2, if possible.
The sooner, the cleaner.
Whenever you’re clear that you’re not interested in seeing her further (as long as things are not serious yet), you have a couple of options for the exclusivity talk.
At that point, it depends on how close you’ve gotten already:
Option 1: If you’re not yet very close at all, then it’s the least awkward for both of you if you let things taper off naturally.
Option 2: If you’ve been more intimate and it would feel bad to just go silent, then you can tell her gently and clearly through a phone call (for high intimacy already) or text (if the intimacy feels like it’s between silence and a phone call).
You can communicate that you’ve enjoyed getting to know her, but that you don’t think you guys will see each other again.
Tell her something nice you noticed about her, and wish her all the best in her future.
To recap, these are the four ways to have the exclusivity talk:
- You’re not willing to be exclusive.
- You’re willing to date exclusively as a trial-run.
- You want to date her exclusively, so you see if she’s open to that.
- You let her down gently in a way that corresponds to how intimate you’ve become.
Remember that each of you is free to decide what you want at all times.
While a lot of people feel uncomfortable in the journey towards a serious relationship, you don’t have to be.
Even if other men don’t tell it straight, you can do things differently. You can be the guy who’s up front and honest with her about how you feel on the third or fourth date, or sooner if you know sooner.
If you understand these conversation models and have them handy, you can relax more into the dating process, knowing you can have the exclusive talk when the time is right and handle things at each step of the way.
And if you’re reading this and thinking,
Then here are a few great resources for you:“I’m still trying to reach the point where I’m having these conversations…”
First, here is our well-loved ebook on finding your own awesome vibe.
Also, here are articles with more dating tips you might like…
- Find out what to say when you’re approaching a woman.
- Go here to find out if she’s single.
- From there, learn how to get her number.
All in all, the key to success in your dating life is knowing why and how you are uniquely attractive as your own man…
Think about it:
If you don’t feel attractive, then how can she feel that about you?
Not to worry! We can help you get your inner-confidence house in order:
To find out what is sexually attractive about you as an introverted man, go here for our free ebook all about the topic.
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What is an exclusivity agreement or what are we doing in the shadows - IT Business Broker on vc.ru
An exclusive agreement or an exclusivity agreement is an agreement on the pre-emptive right of a business broker to sell it business with a specific client (seller).
181 views
Welcome!
We are a specialized agency for the sale of existing IT projects - IT Business Broker.
We have over 30 successful transactions for the sale of Internet projects, such as SaaS, online stores, information sites, online services, mobile applications, etc.
We enter into an exclusivity agreement with all business sellers before their assets are included in the itbb catalog.
An exclusivity agreement is usually concluded with the seller, since the seller has many options to negotiate in parallel and simultaneously with several participants, while the buyer has a very low probability of finding two absolutely identical assets and negotiating with sellers at the same time.
A question that worries many - why does the seller need this exclusivity agreement if he limits it in presentation on various resources?
Selling your business on only one site increases its value at times. Agree, a product that is sold on all shelves is much inferior in demand to a scarce product that is available only in one place. If you delve into this issue, then everything is less prosaic.
A broker working with a business that can be sold at any time without his participation simply does not have the motivation to actively sell it.
The signing of an exclusive agreement obliges the broker to fully immerse himself in the sale of the asset!
Let's start with the fact that our catalog is not just a showcase of businesses for sale, such as a well-known site with ads. The itbb directory is a business verified by a broker, with a confirmed income. Before being included in the catalog, the project goes through several stages of verification, during which we request all supporting documents and metrics.
Of all the projects that come to us for sale, only ~20% pass pre-sale checks.
From the side it is difficult to evaluate the work done before a successful transaction. For example, before starting to search for a buyer, the itbb.ru broker needs to conduct a full assessment of the asset, prepare a sales strategy, launch an advertising campaign, agree with partners on informing, conduct presentations, screening out buyers who are interested, but do not meet the required criteria, respond to endless broker calls.
Do not forget that the broker is limited by the terms of the contract and we still do not take into account the existing seasonality in the sale of businesses.
With the search for a business to order, everything is identical, itbb business brokers distinguish the search for an object for purchase as a separate project, for which their own strategy and plan are drawn up, paid channels for searching and attracting sellers are involved.
Summing up the above, I would like to emphasize that the conclusion of an exclusivity agreement is one of the most transparent ways for both parties to achieve a common benefit (win win).
What is an exclusive? - realtor blogs
What associations do you have with the word exclusive? But just let's do it without real estate tricks and various contracts? Is it just the very concept of exclusivity in any area that you associate with? Right! With exclusivity!
The very concept of "exclusive" means (English exclusive - exceptional; the only one) - exclusive, relating only to selected categories.
This is something that no one else has . That is, if you are offered an exclusive trip, this means that such a trip is not available to everyone, but only to some. And the price for it, as a rule, is higher, as well as the quality. Or exclusive clothes: this concept implies that this is not consumer goods, which is worn by every second passer-by, but some special and inaccessible collection. Do you agree?
Exclusive is always valued much higher than consumer goods , since it is much more pleasant and prestigious to have a unique item. However, under the guise of an exclusive, various fakes of are often "pushed" to us, and this is a regrettable fact.
And now it's time to return to the so-called exclusive contracts in real estate. The dialogue on this topic has already become sore: all agents talk about the need to conclude an exclusive contract, and clients run away from this in fear, having read all sorts of tales on the Internet and having heard enough advice from “smart” neighbors.
There is even a well-known network of agencies whose leader believes that the exclusive agreement violates antitrust laws. But that's not the point now ;)
What is the exclusivity of the contract with the client? What is the exclusivity? This is a question for respected agents. That this client should work only with you ? So this, my dears, is just not exclusivity, you work like that with all . This is just consumer goods! This is an ordinary contract for the provision of services for a fee, of which there are thousands and millions. What is its exclusivity? Exclusivity is something no one else has (or rather, a limited number of individuals have). So the name of the exclusive contract in the current real estate market has lost its original meaning.
But such a concept can be returned if we give it its original meaning and revive some exclusivity, real exclusivity, limitedness to a certain circle of people, that is, some very important and necessary feature in the service.
Take, for example, an ordinary average apartment and its owner. What can be exclusivity for this person?
- Loyalty and good attitude. Willingness at any time to answer any question, what is called personal service. Perhaps you are not only dealing with this client, but in order to understand some kind of exclusivity, he must feel unique and see your exclusive attitude.
- When meeting at the apartment - preparation for pre-sale preparation: consulting, minor repairs, cleaning, arranging or removing excess furniture and all sorts of other things that are now called the buzzword Homestaying, but simply - bringing in a decent look (mind you, by the agent or hired them people, most likely at the expense of the seller, but not necessarily)
- Strong marketing plan: photos of a professional photographer, a video, postcards in every mailbox in the area, posting ads, a banner, even a landing page (separate website, if necessary).
- Detailed monitoring of the market in a given area with a call to all competitors in order to obtain information from them on the sale and convert them from competitors to partners.
- Placement of TOP advertisements on sites for a higher price.
- Personal presence at shows, negotiating in the right style, clarifying the needs and criteria of buyers.
- Communication and consultation with your client in any form convenient for him and at any time convenient for him (I remind you about exclusivity and individual approach)
- The highest level of communication and representation of the interests of your exclusive client.
- And, of course, a deal at the highest level at the maximum price in the shortest possible time.
Surely many more things can be written here. I read it with pleasure. Indeed, there is much more to be added.
So, when there is such a set of services, uniqueness of attitude, willingness to help with the proper level of competence and willingness to regulate the process, then it will be possible to talk about the exclusivity of the service, and, as a result, the exclusivity of the contract.
Then people will not be afraid of the concept of an exclusive contract.
They will understand that there is a simple contract for the provision of services - ordinary, the same as everyone else, inexpensive, simple and understandable; and there is some other contract - exclusive , exceptional, which is not available to everyone, which only some have, including because it costs more, but also includes such a level that can be provided not for everyone, but only for those who really want and are looking for it.
After all, not everyone and not always needs an exclusive contract. Otherwise, the very meaning of exclusivity and exclusivity disappears. Note that I am not saying that a contract is not needed at all, I am saying that a simple contract can be concluded, without any claims of exclusivity.
So, dear colleagues, forget that exclusivity means that the client works only with you. Exclusivity is something else. This, as we said at the very beginning, is something that no one else has;) And this does not concern your inimitable personality, but the quality and volume of the service that you provide to your one and only client.
