Not take seriously

adjectives - Why is it "to take someone seriously" and not "to take someone serious"?

Asked 7 years, 3 months ago

Modified 4 years ago

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Obviously the difference between these two sentences is that one is using an adverb while the other one is using an adjective.

The reason why I think that an adjective should be used, is that the adjective refers to the object. By my understanding, if I take someone serious, I take them as a serious person.

When using an adverb, on the other hand, it refers to the verb, so whatever I am doing (in this case "taking someone") is being done in a serious way.

I can't take him serious. -> I am not able to take him as being serious, or as a serious person.

I can't take him seriously. -> I really am unable to take him, or I can't take him while being serious myself.

I think in this case "to take someone (serious)" is equivalent to "to consider someone (serious)". If instead I said I can't consider him seriously, I think the sentence would be missing an adjective, and also the adverb would be in the wrong place, e.g. I seriously can't consider him a serious person.

So in conclusion I think the sentence should be either:

I can't take him serious.

or using the adverb in front of the verb, e.g.:

I seriously can't take him anymore.

adjectives
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Alas, grammar can take you only so far. Idiom takes over here, and idiom directs that "Can't take him X" requires that X be an adverb modifying "take." In fact, it is almost always the case that X="seriously", so "take him seriously" is almost a set phrase. To see what I mean, try using the google or the Ngram viewer with X="honestly" or "facetiously" or "gratefully.

Thus your first solution ("I can't take him serious.") fights idiomatic usage. Your second solution ("I seriously can't take him.") means something else, namely that you really can't put up with him.

Other verbs don't have the same idiomatic restriction. Consider

I can't consider him seriously.
I can't consider him serious.

The first means that you don't think he's a viable candidate for whatever position you're thinking about; the second means that you don't think he's a serious person. Or

I can't remember him angrily.
I can't remember him angry.

The first means that you can't think back about him with anger; the second means that you can't think of a time when he was angry.

Read this sitting down. Take this with a grain of salt.

This is not sitting down and this doesn't have its own grain of salt. The complement is a verbal complement rather than a modifier of the direct object. So, with

Take him seriously.

seriously is how you take him.

Take serious is THE VERB. It's not TAKE as an auxiliary verb plus an adverb. That's why TAKE SO OR STH SERIOUSLY sounds wrong to me. SERIOUSLY is not the way you TAKE so or sth, when you take so/sth serious. Only correct phrase using the adverb: I can't take him, seriously

One of the important features of English which allows non-trivial sentences to be "disambiguated" and understood is that adjectives and their matching adverbs are usually spelled/pronounced differently. This means that whether the word modifies the nearest noun or instead the nearest verb ("nearest" here meaning syntactically closest) can be determined by the form of the word. (I suspect many languages have this feature, but it's not obvious to the "fish in water".)

What that means in the case of:

I can't take him serious

is that "serious", being an adjective, must modify "him". Whereas:

I can't take him seriously

has "seriously" modifying "take".

In the usual sense of the above idiom, the meaning being conveyed is that "he" is hard to believe (perhaps a liar), or perhaps he's always joking. For this meaning you want to modify "take", since it's your perception that is being described, not "him" per se.

If you say "I can't take him serious" you have something of an incomplete/nonsensical statement. "I can't take him" is something you might say if you were told he needed a ride somewhere, eg, but tacking on "serious" seems to imply that the reason you can't give him that ride is that he's too serious.

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9 Ways to Stop Taking Life Too Seriously I Psych Central

Working hard to meet life and career goals often require a serious focus. But it’s important to take time to laugh along the way.

Do you often feel consumed by your daily tasks and responsibilities? Does the heavy weight of it all make it difficult to let go and enjoy what you’re doing or who you’re with?

When we become focused on doing, we can sometimes lose sight of being.

When you take life too seriously, you can develop an unclear view of what’s worth your time and energy. You might find that you spend less time laughing and more time being busy.

When you get caught up in the seriousness of it all, you can miss out on the joyful and happy aspects of life.

If you find it difficult to find moments of joy or think of yourself as too serious, consider trying these strategies.

Focus on the good

Yes, your flight was delayed, and you may be late for that meeting, but perhaps you spent more time with your family because of it.

“Focusing on the unexpected benefits rather than the outcome can make a big difference,” Bernstein says.

Ask yourself: “Will this matter 5 years from now?”

While life does have serious moments, there’s a lot we can let go of and accept for what it is.

“Remembering the idea that if something won’t matter 5 years from now, don’t spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it can be a helpful approach,” Bernstein explains.

Recognize and appreciate joyful moments

Think about the times when things didn’t turn out the way you planned but you adapted.

“Feel proud of yourself for figuring it out — those are the moments that make life more enjoyable,” Bernstein says. “Moments when you were surprised, didn’t give up, and then figured it out. You may have even come out with a good story along the way — that’s the beauty of life.”

Remember that you’re not alone

Keep in mind that no one else has life figured out any better than you.

“You weren’t given an instruction manual, and you can only do the best you can with the information you had at the time,” Bernstein says. “So, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re a work in progress.”

Identify your negative thinking patterns

Remember that thoughts aren’t facts.

“Identify and challenge your negative rumination cycles that are on repeat,” Wolkin says. “What are you preoccupied with and what cognitive distortions might be getting in the way of thinking more accurately?”

Don’t engage in comparison

Comparison can lead to feelings of unworthiness.

“Comparing ourselves to others steals any semblance of joy, as we start to live life as if it’s a race and become too serious about acquiring things and people that don’t actually accentuate our life,” Wolkin says.

Create a toolbox of coping skills for times that feel stressful

While stress is inevitable, it’s how you respond to it that matters.

“When we’re stressed, we tend to take life too seriously,” Wolkin explains.

“If we’re chronically stressed, we’re at risk for mental health challenges, high blood pressure, and so on. Try taking a nature walk, engage in a mindfulness practice, or start journaling.”

Ditch the perfectionistic thinking

Setbacks will happen, but trying to be perfect can make the setbacks seem more overwhelming.

“Embracing your perfectly imperfect human self can help release a lot of pressure to live up to unreachable expectations,” Wolkin explains. “It’s OK to make mistakes, and making them doesn’t mean you’re not enough.”

Consciously create opportunities to laugh

Find the humor in day-to-day life.

“Instead of news shows, watch comedies or funny videos, or hang out with funny people,” Wolkin says.

American writer and philosopher Elbert Hubbard once said, “Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.”

What did he mean? Many of us agonize over the smallest decisions. We spend hours ruminating over an email we sent or a comment we made.

Hubbard reminded us above that time is a precious gift that you can’t get back. So, try not to waste even a moment of it.

We all face the demands of our busy lives. Our daily schedules are overrun with meetings, deadlines, and family responsibilities. On top of that, we try to squeeze in running errands, cooking dinner (or, calling in for delivery), and a quick workout.

Seems like there’s not enough time in the day to “stop and smell the roses.” We’re often so busy being busy that it’s hard to find a moment to laugh or enjoy the moment.

With all you have to do each day, you may wonder, “what is there to laugh about?”

But laughter has numerous health benefits — from reducing stress to boosting your spirit and improving how you relate and connect to others.

When you take life too seriously, you may:

constantly worry about the small things
not joke around with friends, family, or co-workers
rarely have time to unwind
be more strict with others and yourself
avoid activities out of your comfort zone
constantly explain yourself
feel like you’re competing with others at work or at home

If these behaviors become extreme or begin interfering with your daily life, consider speaking with a healthcare or mental health professional. They can offer guidance on the next steps.

Taking life too seriously can have negative impacts on your well-being.

You may lose sight of what’s really important

Prioritize what truly matters.

“If we take life too seriously, we lose sight of what actually needs our serious attention,” says Jennifer R. Wolkin, PhD, a clinical neuropsychologist based in New York City. “How can we parse out what is serious if we think it all is!”

It can be counterproductive

Letting the worry and stress take over is a waste of time.

“Taking life too seriously usually leads to more worrying, and worrying isn’t productive,” Wolkin says. “Constant rumination on our regrets of the past or what we’re trying to control in the future only leads to suffering.”

You can miss out on all the positives that life has to offer

This comes back to the power of gratitude and choosing to focus on the positive, not the negative.

“When we take life too seriously, we lose out on the opportunity to experience a gamut of emotional experiences, including joy,” Wolkin says.

“If we’re constantly immersed in taking life too seriously, we don’t make space to stay awake to the beauty of life that’s right in front of us.”

It can damage your relationships

If you always take things seriously, you may not be enjoyable to be around.

“When we take life too seriously, we might have trouble connecting with people,” Wolkin explains. “People who take life too seriously sometimes come off as unfriendly or unapproachable.”

It’s a waste of mental energy

To put it simply, you’re missing out! You can choose to see your experiences through a more positive lens.

“Taking life too seriously takes a lot of mental bandwidth that can be used to engage in more meaningful experiences in life, including time with family and friends,” Wolkin says.

You’ll feel more joyful

Are you consumed by your job and daily responsibilities? Do you feel like you’re a victim of your circumstances?

“If we shift from believing that life happens to us and start to see it as happening for us, our lives can begin to feel more joyful and less burdensome,” Natalie Bernstein, a psychologist and therapeutic life coach in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, explains.

“Once you move away from thinking your purpose is your job or viewing life as a series of set stages you have to accomplish, you can start to see life in a new light.”

This may require becoming more present and reframing your perspective.

Life isn’t a problem to be solved. The beauty lies in the unpredictability and waking up each morning with an open heart and open mind to all the day has to offer.

Try starting each day with gratitude. Focusing on what you’re grateful for can take you out of a serious mindset.

Also, choose to be present. This is a good way to experience happiness and fulfillment.

Why are you not taken seriously? — Maria Sereykina on vc.ru

In the modern world, there is such a phenomenon as ageism (age discrimination), when, for example, young people are not put in leadership positions, justifying this decision with numbers in their passports. At the same time, emotional immaturity and infantilism are not always inherent in this particular group of people. Perhaps you have come across colleagues who are not taken seriously, although they may be talented and experienced professionals. I met such people not in a professional field, but simply in communication. With all the merits of external and internal, no one saw them as serious and emotionally mature people, and this did not depend on age.

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My name is Maria Sereykina, I am the ambassador of the Russian language in the world and an expert in speech. And in this article, I will talk about why you are not taken seriously and how to fix it.

You do not accept help

“I will do everything myself”, of course, a commendable position, but an emotionally mature person will not refuse help if he understands that he cannot cope with the task on his own. And the important thing here is not that someone will help you in solving your problem, but that others will begin to trust you if they see that you are disposed towards them. Today you ask for help, tomorrow you will be asked for it. You can’t close yourself in your little world and not let anyone near you, this is not serious. First of all, understand yourself why it is difficult for you to accept help. Realize that the indicator of strength is not the lack of help from the outside, but the ability and willingness to admit that you are not good at something. If you learn to ask for help and accept it, people will reach out to you.

You talk too much

Remember the well-known phrase from the “Ocon Tass” poster: “Chatterbox is a godsend for a spy”. Perhaps you are not taken seriously precisely because of this quality. People are afraid to let you get close because they think you can give away their secrets. To get rid of this opinion, analyze your speech. Do you really talk that much? Learn to be in silence, not all your thoughts should be voiced by others, sometimes it’s better not to say something.

You can't listen

Lack of empathy and desire to listen are signs of an infantile person. Of course, there should be a sense of proportion in everything, and you should not play the role of a free psychologist either. However, if you see that your colleague, close friend or family member is confused and worried about something, you should offer your help or find out what it is connected with. During the conversation, focus on the problems of the interlocutor, and not on your own. And even more so, you should not say “yes, I have more problems, and they are more serious than yours”, this devalues the feelings of another person, and, most likely, he will never share anything with you again. Remember that everyone has different concerns, and if you want to be more mature, learn to be supportive in any situation.

You never admit your mistakes

This is often the case with managers and leaders who, fearing to spoil their reputation, cannot recognize the failure of the decisions made. Are there people who never make mistakes? There are no such people. Each of us makes mistakes, and in this case, if you admit that you did wrong, then this will allow you to correct the mistake. If you do not recognize this, then you will face one of two possible outcomes: either constant conflicts with the team, or people will slowly start to move away from you. A person who is able to admit his mistakes is most often emotionally mature and able to control his emotions, as well as struggling with his shortcomings.

You change your mind often

Those who, as they say, “change their shoes while jumping” are most often not trusted. Would you like someone who thinks one thing today and another tomorrow? Most likely no. Others may not like it either. Try to refrain from expressing your position if you do not fully understand the situation. Of course, sometimes it is simply necessary to change your mind and behavior, but everything should be in moderation. In dealing with a fickle person, there is little pleasant, if only because you cannot rely on him.

You are self-centered

“No one loves chocolate as much as I do”, “It should only belong to me” – if you have heard such phrases, then you have dealt with an egocentric person. Egocentrism is the inability to take a different point of view, to realize the significance of the environment. Egocentric motto: “I always know everything better than anyone.” For such people, there are only two points of view: theirs and the wrong one. Consider if you have these signs. Maybe that's why they don't take you seriously. Egocentrism can and should be fought. A good way is to get in the habit of putting yourself in other people's shoes and thinking about why they did or said what they did.

You are afraid to take responsibility

Imagine a situation. The head of your department comes to you and says: “I decided to quit, and you are promoted so that you take my position. We are going through a crisis now, so the success of the department depends on your decisions.” What will you feel? Excitement in such a situation is completely normal, but panic fear is an indicator of infantility. Sometimes we have to take responsibility for the careers or even the lives of other people, but panicking and burying our heads in the sand shows our immaturity. Learn to be prepared for the unknown and take responsibility for your decisions with dignity. Then people will be drawn to you.

If you want to learn more about speech, come to the open webinar "How the ability to speak affects income and manifestation in life."

On the air I will analyze:

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“They don’t take me seriously”: 7 signs of emotional immaturity and its impact on your career

“You act like a child!” "What Kindergarten?" Have you heard such phrases? Or maybe they said it themselves in relation to others?

The body has grown, but the behavior remains like that of a child. Bewilderment, misunderstanding, emotional stupor - this is what we feel when we encounter emotionally immature people.

Here are the main signs of an emotionally immature person (check if you have any of this list):

He does not have the ability to psychologically experience difficulties and problems. A person seems to fall into a problem (even the smallest one) and burrow into it with his head. Can't support himself. The adult strong part inside is very weak.
Does not know how to solve problems and tasks independently, looking for ready-made instructions. And if the instruction is not found, then it is lost and does nothing, continuing to live with problems - sometimes it lasts for years.
Self-affirms at the expense of others. It becomes easier for a person when he deliberately belittles the dignity and merits of others. This makes it easier to justify your inaction.
Does not know how to plan life. Imagine that this is a person who sits in a boat and does not pick up the oars. Just floats and waits for her to moor to the island of miracles.
Addict prone. Smoking, alcohol, overeating and more. It's a way to enjoy life. The most simple, albeit harmful.
Unable to take responsibility. Ideally, finding someone who will be responsible for something, or simply stepping back from any decisions is the main tactic of "immature" adults.
Revels in suffering. The position of the victim, when circumstances and other people are to blame, and a feeling of endless self-pity! The worst thing is that a person is very bad, but at the same time very good in this position, because in any case it is easier to live this way.

Emotional immaturity affects all areas of life. It also hinders career growth. Such people complain about insufficient wages, blame the leader for everything. They can’t start their own business or they leave it and fail at the very beginning of the journey ...

How to get rid of emotional immaturity:

Ability to plan and set goals . Starting from the smallest. This is one of the most important skills for personal effectiveness. The principle of goal decomposition helps a lot here, when we parse it into small pieces. I will show you the most understandable example of baking bread. To make it, you need to: buy the ingredients, knead the dough, put it in a mold, bake. To achieve any goal, you just need to break it down into small steps. Start with simple tasks. For example, from planning a weekend, but unusual, but adding something new to it.

The notorious way out of the comfort zone . But! This is how a person grows up. Even if you are over 30–40–50, it’s not too late to grow up! A child develops incredibly powerfully when he learns to crawl, climb onto a chair. And an adult needs new horizons, unattainable, in order to develop and grow up! Don't quit your job, change your life dramatically. Let it start with a new dish, a new way to work, new people around you that inspire you, new music, a new genre of cinema that you have never seen before. Gradually, you will expand your ability to act in new ways, and this will help you move to the next stage of development!

Ability to negotiate with oneself . The internal dialogue will look something like this: - I really want chocolate. But do you want to lose weight? “But the chocolate is already here, in my hands, and I really want to eat it!” - Choose: a beautiful figure or momentary pleasure. (What do you choose?)

All life consists of such dialogues. From elections and agreements. The child is incapable of this, he will eat ten sweets without looking back. But we are adults! Do not make lightning-fast decisions, stop, think, talk to yourself. This is a sign of an adult personality.

Learn more