Whats it like to have add

Let's make it clear right away: the task of a professional recruiter (if he is really a pro) is not to evaluate you purely subjectively “like or dislike” at the level of emotions, without rational justification. His task is to evaluate:

1. Can you adequately cope with the functions that the vacancy suggests. Your abilities, experience, potential are important here. And abilities and potential do not always depend only on professional knowledge and experience - character stock, psychotype also matter. For many modern professions, the so-called soft skills (flexible skills) are more important than highly specialized professional knowledge. For example, communication skills are critically important somewhere (and they are also different), and somewhere - the ability to concentrate deeply and show extreme attention to detail. Such qualities as responsibility, punctuality are important in general everywhere. Candidates who give the impression of being unreliable and irresponsible are immediately excluded from the final list. nine0008
2. Will you fit into the team. Simply put, whether it will be comfortable for colleagues to interact with you. The team result of work may depend on this, and in general the atmosphere in the team affects a lot. Rather, they will take an “average” person who is comfortable in communication than a brilliant professional who gives the impression of a conflict person or does not fit into the company’s communication culture so much that interaction with him can create discomfort for everyone else. nine0008
3. Your interest in this work and the seriousness of your attitude. It is unprofitable for employers to accept those who are highly likely to quit within the first few months, even if they are very experienced professionals.
4. General adequacy. Yes, this is a very vague concept, but the reality is that in every company there is more than one story of unsuccessful hiring of a "problem person": for example, a chronic "latecomer" or a brawler, because of which the company lost an important client, or simply too out of touch from reality, which also had an extremely negative impact on work. After them, recruiters and direct supervisors who take part in interviews are very afraid of getting burned and sometimes “blow on water”. Do not give extra reasons for this by your behavior. nine0008

That's why it's important to avoid embarrassing communication mistakes during interviews that can be misinterpreted to your disadvantage. Do your best not to let accidents get in the way of making a good impression. This will help simple rules of good tone. If you are perfectly familiar with business etiquette, then you already know them. True, knowing and observing are not the same thing. Before the interview, it will not be superfluous to recall them again.

Find out more information about the company before the meeting. If you studied it before sending a response, refresh the information in your memory. It is quite possible to do without this if you are applying for a mass linear position (for example, a salesperson). But if you get a job as a manager or specialist, then it will be a plus for you to be able to mention something at the interview that you know about the company, its projects and achievements. This shows your interest in working here. Employers appreciate it. In some cases, such preparation is an absolutely necessary condition. For example, it is very strange if you are a marketer and did not find out anything about the company's products before the meeting. For managers, it is also necessary to read about the company in advance. nine0003

You cannot be late for an interview. This applies both to the traditional face-to-face interview and to the online format that has already become familiar to us. Everyone knows about this rule, and yet it is often violated due to offensive accidents. You can give a thousand reasons, explaining that in general you are very punctual, it’s just that this time you were unlucky, but alas, you will already spoil the first impression of yourself and get a minus in the assessment. You must be prepared for traffic jams, vehicle breakdowns, the fact that you will not be able to immediately find the right address, which will crash your home Internet or computer. Connect to the video meeting in advance, calculate the travel time with a margin: it’s okay if you show up on the phone / on site earlier than necessary, but you have time to gather your thoughts again and eliminate the effect of “flashiness” and excitement due to haste. nine0003

Also an elementary rule, which, nevertheless, is very often violated. Everything happens, including circumstances that cannot be foreseen. If you feel that you may not be in time for an interview - try to call in advance and honestly explain the situation, ask for another date. This is perceived much better than if you simply do not show up or connect, but call later. With the second option, conclusions will already be drawn about your optionality.

Of course, appearance is not the main thing, but you will still be met at the interview by manners and clothes. So that the latter does not let you down, take care of your appearance (even if your interview is taking place online!). How to do this, we have already told. General advice for everyone, regardless of whether your work involves the presence in the office: the main thing is to look neat and unobtrusive. As for the style of clothing, try to find out in advance if the company has a dress code (of course, this applies to cases when work is supposed to be in the office). It's okay if you ask about the dress code when making an appointment. If there is no strict dress code, then it is permissible to dress in a discreet casual style. nine0003

Perhaps, having caffeine loaded, you think better. But this does not mean that you need to take an unfinished glass of cappuccino with you to an interview or put a cup of Americano next to your computer. A minimum of things - a minimum of problems. And you definitely shouldn’t come to a face-to-face interview with packages from the store - this way you will demonstrate that you are not very interested in this job, since you just came here “on the way”.

The recruiter may ask for a printed copy of your resume or portfolio. All this should be at the ready so that you don’t have to rummage through your bag, digging through a pile of extra papers and taking away precious interview minutes. Of course, your interlocutor can print all this himself, since you have already sent these documents to him. But why don't you use the simple opportunity to show your composure and business spirit? nine0003

This is a rule of good form for any business meeting. A person who has buried himself in the phone, thereby shows his disinterest in what is happening around him and in the purpose of his visit. And in anticipation of a meeting, it’s more useful for you to once again go over your resume and prepare the main theses of an oral story about yourself than to flip through the social media feed.

You begin to be assessed even before you enter the office and start a conversation. Many recruiters and direct managers who select an employee for their team carefully observe how the candidate behaves when they appear in the office. Be polite to the receptionist, and if you are taken to the meeting room through the work areas, greet the employees who are sitting there at the entrance. It's the little things that get noticed, and you have a chance to show yourself as someone you enjoy doing business with. nine0003

Don't be afraid to take the first step when communicating with a recruiter (or your potential boss) - start the conversation yourself. Try to initially set a positive tone for communication: “melt the ice” with a light, relevant joke (just don’t overdo it!) Or a remark about the weather. Be open and friendly, but at the same time try to stay within the framework of a business conversation. For example, if you noticed certificates or diplomas in the interlocutor's office or know something about his successful work projects, ask about it - he will be pleased. Perhaps you have common themes and even common acquaintances in the business world. This will help to establish informal contact, which is so important for the emergence of genuine human sympathy. At the same time, you will demonstrate your communication skills, which may be important for this job. nine0003

Trying to establish contact with the interlocutor, it is important to stick to the golden mean. Switching to a friendly style of communication, awkward attempts to flatter with inappropriate compliments, promise personal benefits if the recruiter will help you get this job, an overly detailed account of your life in order to arouse admiration or, conversely, pity - all this is beyond decency and will play against you.

The same simple and obvious rule as "arrive on time", but it is often forgotten. The recruiter usually has a conversation script and a standard set of information that he must tell candidates about the company and working conditions. Don't knock him down so he doesn't miss anything. If a clarifying question arises during the process, remember it or write it down and ask later: the recruiter will definitely give such an opportunity. nine0003

Even if you are very inspired by the vacancy, this is the company of your dreams, you should not try to impress the interlocutor with the pressure of emotions and even more so put pressure on him (“Believe me, I am the one you need!”, “Please, please give me a chance, I need this job like air! I promise you won't regret if you take me!"). Excessive expression can give the impression of your imbalance. Try to show your interest in a calm tone. Just tell us what attracts you to this company and this vacancy, ask more questions about the essence of the work - thereby you will make it clear that you are really interested in it. nine0003

Rarely does an interview go without uncomfortable questions. Reasons for looking for a job, conflicts with the manager, professional failures - it is important for the employer to get a complete picture of your experience.

Be honest, but don't be negative: be careful what you say about previous leaders and companies you worked for. And you definitely shouldn't try to deceive the interlocutor: the personnel market is smaller than it seems, your interviewer may be a friend of your former boss, and recruiters from different companies often know each other well - it will not be difficult for them to make inquiries about you and check your references. We wrote about typical mistakes in the story about yourself here. And how to answer uncomfortable questions - here. nine0003

It happens that the behavior of the interviewer during the interview causes irritation. Perhaps this stress interview is one way to test your communication skills. For example, by asking many questions in a row, they test your attentiveness and ability to concentrate. It is not surprising if the work involves a large flow of verbal information in multitasking mode (you get a job as a personal assistant to the head, an administrator in the office, an account manager). Often and abruptly interrupt, trying to confuse? Maybe a stress test. If you can react with restraint and kindness, you will get a plus for your candidacy. Another question is whether you can then work in the same mode all the time, whether you are used to this format. If not, this is not the job you need. Therefore, do not hesitate to directly ask the interviewer if you understand correctly that the vacancy involves a lot of communication in a stressful mode. nine0003

Good luck with your interview!

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Long-distance relationships: how to decide whether to continue them

In 2020, due to the pandemic and related restrictions, many are faced with the fact that personal relationships had to be transferred online. At the same time, novels quite often begin with a long-distance relationship. What are the features of such an interaction and what mistakes should be avoided, says psychologist Alena Golzitskaya.

Alena Golzitskaya, systemic family psychotherapist, researcher at the Psychological Institute of the Russian Academy of Education, specialist in the service for the selection of psychologists Alter

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Is it worth starting a relationship at a distance

First of all, let me remind you that, as a rule, all romantic relationships are initially relationships at a distance (if you have concerns about this format, then perhaps this thought will cheer you up a little) . Nowadays, no one starts dating with a wedding and living together (I don’t take extreme cases into account), and the first meeting and initial communication increasingly takes place on the Internet, and not in the real world. The period of getting to know each other, associated with the search for common ground, the development of rules for interaction, the formulation of prohibitions, and falls on the very “traveling” format, when partners for the most part meet either somewhere in public places or on the territory belonging to each of them or online. nine0003

In this sense, relationships at a distance (at least in the initial phase), in essence, are not so different from the face-to-face format. Perhaps it is worth noting that when communicating at a distance, the effect of rose-colored glasses can be more pronounced - when we look at a partner not realistically, but prefer to rely on our own fantasies about him: at first, this effect is supported not only by hormones, but also by whether there are we have the opportunity to move into the field of real interaction or not.

A shot from the film “Before Dawn”

© kinopoisk.ru

Otherwise, long-distance relationships are just as capable of giving us a cocktail of very different, sometimes conflicting feelings and emotions, for which (not least) we are looking for a romantic partner: euphoria, delight, surprise, doubt, fear, rage, happiness.

But after a while partners in whatever format they meet, the question invariably arises: what's next?

Is it worth continuing a relationship at a distance of

When should you doubt that a new relationship is worth investing time and effort into? First of all, focus on your own feeling of comfort in communication. I'm not talking here about natural anxiety in anticipation of contact with another person (especially romantic) - this is normal and happens to almost everyone at first.

Checklist

Before you really get into partnerships, ask yourself a few important questions:

• Do you take the initiative to communicate mutually?
• Are your interests and needs taken into account during communication?
• Do you often feel embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid when communicating with this person?
• Does your partner respect your view of things, especially if it differs from his/her opinion?
• Do you often have to give up your plans in order to meet a person, while he does not meet your halfway? nine0008
• Can you be yourself and feel comfortable in communication with him/her?
• Do you often see the coincidence of these promises and their implementation, can you trust a person and his actions?

If most of the answers to these questions are “no”, then there is a very good chance that long distance relationships will not develop into a closer format. This is due to the fact that the person with whom you begin to communicate has a clearly expressed priority of his own needs, neglecting yours. In such conditions, it is almost impossible to build a good relationship - you will always find yourself in the position of a giver, and in return you will not receive anything significant. nine0003

Still from the movie "Romantics 303"

© kinopoisk.ru

Why start online dating

The most popular way to start a romantic relationship remotely is online dating apps. Let's say you met someone on Tinder or Badoo. Before we go any further, it is important to understand the purposes for which you enter into such communication. If this is an expansion of the circle of friends, unobtrusive correspondence or meetings for entertainment, then, probably, you will not be faced with the task of getting to know the person deeply, building a trusting contact for a long period of time. Then, it is quite possible that you will continue to communicate with some new acquaintances mainly in a remote format, and such relationships will not burden either you or the other side. nine0003

But what if you are looking for more serious interactions and want to build real relationships that eventually develop into partnerships or even family? In this case, nuances begin to appear that are worth paying attention to.

Users of online dating services note that some people with whom they communicate do not seek to leave the virtual format at all. Most often, these are either those who do not want to burden themselves with spending (time and money) on a partner, but want to get a source of arousal or satisfaction of sexual needs without much tension, or those who in this way feed their own illusion of having a wide network of contacts. In both cases, counting on the development of a serious relationship with such candidates is an empty undertaking, because none of them sets themselves such a goal. nine0003

Alas, when communicating through dating services, there is a real risk of getting stuck in unproductive long-distance relationships with those who profit from someone else's gullibility. (Of course, we are talking only about individual unscrupulous users, but vigilance does not hurt.)

Frame from the movie "LOL [laugh]" into a similar trap, ask yourself the following questions:

• Do we often use real chances to communicate not only online, but also face-to-face with a communication partner? nine0008
• Is my friend's contribution of time, money and effort to our relationship equivalent to my own contribution?
• Can I refuse to communicate with my acquaintance on sexual and other complex topics if I feel uncomfortable, without fear of losing our contact?
• Does the communication partner respect my reluctance to move into the plane of intimate communication online, if I consider it untimely/unacceptable?
nine0005 Can I comfortably organize our remote communication in accordance with my own work and other employment?
• Do I feel that the partner allows me to take a break to think about the answer, am I free to answer when it suits me, without feeling pressure from him/her?

Again, if most of the answers are negative, then you are at risk.

Are long distance relationships always unproductive

Of course not. There are circumstances when a long distance format of relationships is forced and inevitable - for example, if people live in different cities or countries, with a very tight schedule, special working conditions, or in emergency circumstances. Here are the main characteristics that make it possible to look at such relationships as promising. nine0003

Checklist

• Important - your partner's clear need to know you deeply as a person, interest in your daily activities and environment.
• The person tends to have stable, regular contact with you, and if there is an opportunity for face-to-face communication, he will definitely use it.
• The partner demonstrates respect for your needs, does not impose his beliefs and views, gives space to be yourself and feel organic at the same time. nine0008
• He/she is ready to be near (even at a distance) not only in moments of joy, but also in difficult situations. You are sure that you will not be left alone with your difficulties with the wording “figure it out yourself / yourself, this does not concern me.”
• When entering into a conflict interaction, the partner does not slip into insults, does not humiliate, but tries to look for common ground for the further development of communication.

If your long-distance relationship meets these criteria, then it may indeed be worth the effort to strengthen it. nine0003

A shot from the movie "One Day"

© kinopoisk.ru

How to maintain long-distance relationships

Let's be honest: it's not easy. First of all, because any serious relationship requires a predictable prospect, if not a life together, then the possibility of regular meetings live. It is very important for a couple to have common goals in the future, to make common plans.

In a long-term relationship at a distance, there must be an element of hope for togetherness - without this, they quickly fade away. It is impossible to imagine a long distance relationship in which partners do not live together at all even from time to time and have nothing in common in the physical, real world. nine0003

Try to discuss the plans of each of you and look for intersections: if you are talking about weekends or vacations, try to figure out where to really spend this time together.

Long distance relationships are always a test. It is worth noting that people with a special psychological profile often choose this format voluntarily - it is often difficult for them to stay in the presence of loved ones for a long time, as they do not know how to maintain a sense of their own autonomy without a sense of guilt or shame. Probably, during their growing up, parents or close adults did not set an example of harmonious coexistence with a partner, and they do not know how it is to be close to someone for a long time without the desire to distance themselves territorially. It can be difficult for such people to cope with the emotions that overwhelm them in a relationship, and one of the main options for solving this difficulty they see physical separation, withdrawal or departure. nine0003

In other words, sometimes long distance relationships are not a forced decision due to circumstances, but a purposeful vector for the development of interpersonal interaction. Only those people who in one way or another complement each other in their need to territorially regulate proximity can stay in such unions for a long time. In such a case, changing the format of the relationship may require the person to make a major change in how he or she interprets their feelings when the partner is physically around. Often, the help of a psychotherapist is required here, since behavior patterns are a stable thing, and their correction takes time and effort. nine0003

Still from the film Love, Rosie

© kinopoisk.ru

How to protect yourself from infidelity

What other difficulties do people face in long distance relationships? Of course they have trust issues. It is very difficult, being hundreds of kilometers away from a partner, to be absolutely sure that he / she keeps his promise not to change. The credit of trust here is provided not only by verbal exhortations, but also by how transparent your interaction is - whether the partner had reasons not to trust you, whether you have faced lies from him / her before. It is also important whether the topic of betrayal was a trigger in the parental family of your lover or beloved. nine0003

If you or your partner have doubts about mutual fidelity, you can agree to be as accessible as possible for contact with each other: tell us what and where you will be doing in the near future, and most importantly, with whom. In turn, you can ask your partner to let you in on their plans for the day/week.

Honesty and openness in communication reduces the degree of wariness and makes you feel more confident. If this strategy does not work, then perhaps there is reason to discuss these doubts in more detail. nine0003

Since long-distance communication is limited by means of communication, sometimes we overreact to pauses in correspondence or to unanswered or rejected calls. How many quarrels happened because of the answers to the questions “Why were you online, but didn’t answer me for so long?”, “Why didn’t you pick up the phone?”, “Why didn’t you call me back ( a)?" etc.

Try to be careful in your judgments. We are all living people, each of us has our own life, working and private. Always remember that there are several possible explanations for the lack of a quick response: your partner could be late for a meeting, be out of network coverage, or simply fall asleep earlier after a long day at work. Be patient - it is worth sounding the alarm only with regularly repeated refusals to answer messages or calls. nine0003

What if reality does not meet expectations

One of the psychological mechanisms that most often manifest themselves in long-distance relationships is projection: we endow our communication partners with properties and traits that they may not have in reality. We complete their image in our head to understandable to us, but almost always it is illusory. Interestingly, some people prefer to remain in their illusions and fantasies without even trying to clarify how the real partner corresponds to the fictional one. nine0003

That is why, if you are planning to build a strong and long relationship with your lover/beloved, try to make contact in physical reality as soon as possible. Even if you often communicate via video calls and chat a lot, you still lose a significant part of the information about a person - about how he, for example, “feels” or how he smells. For a really deep relationship, these parameters are very important. None of us are perfect. The idealized image in your head is usually devoid of flaws, and the later you "devirtualize", the more painful it can be to face reality. nine0003

A still from the movie "The Story of Marriage"

© kinopoisk.ru

How to diversify communication at a distance

As a rule, online communication is characterized by a preliminary agreement: "We call each other at such and such a time in the evening. " But such strict planning of personal contacts often makes them routine and forced.

Try to build communication more flexibly - when you feel like it, when there is an impulse to call or write. Of course, it is worth taking into account the lifestyle of a partner and not getting stuck in his work schedule, for example. But find a way to add spontaneity to communication, especially if the relationship is already established and you are confident in it. Then an unexpected photo, a note with a confession of feelings or a wish for a good day will once again become a pleasant reminder that you are thinking about your lover or lover. nine0003

Remember that communication should be desirable - both for you and for your counterpart. Consideration of his/her personal boundaries, as well as a request for mutual respect for yours, is an essential condition for the success of any partnership, both virtual and in person. To build a productive relationship, only passion and love are sometimes not enough.

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