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Why am i attracted to introverts


8 Reasons Why Introverts Are So Attractive — All About Introverts

There’s just something about introverts that makes them incredibly attractive. We know what you’re thinking: “Of course a website about introverts thinks introverts are attractive!” While we may be a tiny biased on the topic, there is something magnetic about an introvert’s personality.

Why is this? In the list below, we’ll explore eight reasons why people find introverts so attractive.

1. Introverts are good at reading people and understanding social cues.

People are naturally attracted to people who seem to understand them. All too often, they misunderstand an extrovert’s love of social interactions as proficiency at reading people and understanding those interactions.

Science, however, does not back this up. A 2018 study found that introverts are better at understanding people and predicting social phenomena. This awareness allows introverts to respond to social situations in thoughtful ways, making them more attractive to other people.

While some people might misunderstand an introvert’s quietness as “cold” or “standoffish,” this couldn’t be further from the truth. Introverts are typically taking in information and thoughtfully analyzing things before jumping in with their input or opinions.

This doesn’t mean they don’t have opinions. Instead, they understand the impact that sharing those thoughts will have on the social situation. While extroverts can often speak first and think later, introverts tend to think through the things they’ll say, often ensuring that the right words are spoken.

This makes them extremely attractive to other people! After all, who doesn’t want to feel like the person they’re talking to really gets them? People may not always remember everything someone said, but they do remember how the other person made them feel. Introverts have a way of making people feel valued and seen. In turn, this makes them more attractive to the people they meet.

2. Introverts are loyal and devoted friends.

People are attracted to loyal and devoted people. While introverts may not always realize it, this is a trait most people find attractive in them. Their loyalty isn’t just attractive to the recipients of that devotion, but to anyone who observes them.

We talked to one introvert who shared about how her loyalty is one of the first things that attracted her husband to her. She was dating someone else during college. Her boyfriend at the time started an argument over something small, but she was kind in her responses to her long-term boyfriend.

Little did this introvert know, her future husband was watching that argument and impressed with the kind and devoted way she was handling the conflict. He knew in that moment that he wanted to marry someone like her. Two years later, he wouldn’t just marry someone like her, but he’d marry the woman whose loyalty he’d admired so long ago.

Introverts don’t necessarily seek out relationships the same way extroverts do. While extroverts look for new and exciting things to stimulate them, introverts are happy nurturing the friendships and relationships they already have.

Loyalty is a trait that’s almost universally attractive. While people are attracted to the trait itself, this positive trait may make people appear more physically attractive as well. One study found that people rate faces as more attractive when they associate positive personality traits with a person.

Researchers showed participants photos of people and asked to rate their attractiveness. One group was also told positive things about each person, while the other group was told nothing. The group that associated positive personality traits with a person’s face rated the person’s attractiveness higher than the group that didn’t associate positive personality traits with the person’s appearance.

3. Introverts are great listeners.

While extroverted traits like charisma and gregariousness may be charming on the surface, most people are attracted to people with traits that contribute to the success of a long-term relationship. In most cases, people want to be around people who actively listen to them.

In her book, Active Listening and Emotional Validation, author Emily Wright shares about the importance of listening for healthy communication. She reflects on the ways non-verbal communication and active listening skills positively impact relationships. While introverts are naturally good at these things, this book is a great way for them to turn their natural strength into a superpower of sorts.

Since introverts spend so much time observing others, they’re naturally adept at listening. Their ability to listen to other people and understand what they’re trying to communicate is a skill that helps them build meaningful connections with others.

While a lot of people want to vent their frustrations without getting unsolicited advice, an introvert’s listening skills make them particularly skilled at giving good advice. When a person is ready for that advice, introverts are ready to give insight based on what they’ve seen and heard during conversation.

4. Introverts pay attention to and remember the small details.

When was the last time someone remembered a small detail about you? No matter what that detail was, it probably made you feel valued that they’d remember something about you. Introverts usually pay attention to everything. Most introverts end up storing that information in their minds, allowing it to inform their future interactions.

Few things are as attractive as feeling like someone is attracted to you. When an introvert shows interest in another person, they do a great job of showing that person that they care enough to remember the little things.

We talked to one person who shared about how her introverted boss made her feel seen. They were working on a short deadline and ended up working late into the night. When she got to work, though, she found a care package on her desk with all of her favorite things. Her boss remembered her favorite drink and favorite candy bar, making it an exceptionally thoughtful care package.

When introverts remember those little details, they make other people feel valued. In turn, this makes them more attractive to others. Even when a person isn’t on the receiving end of an introvert’s thoughtfulness, they’re likely to hear about those moments from people who have been on the receiving end of the introvert’s kindness.

5. Introverts are good at tempering their emotions.

Introverts experience their emotions intensely, although most people wouldn’t realize it by looking at them. While their minds might be running nonstop, they often don’t show those emotions on the outside.

Unfortunately, this sometimes makes introverts look cold. We talked to one introvert who shared about a time when her sister was in a major accident and had to be flown to a nearby hospital. This introvert was, understandably very distressed. Her distress was only compounded later when her other sister accused her of being “cold and calculating” in her silence.

Although this calm demeanor can sometimes be misunderstood as coldness, it’s more often a major asset for introverts. During crisis situations, their calmness allows them to put others at ease. Instead of contributing to the anxiety in the room, they manage to keep their big emotions inside.

People are usually attracted to healthy emotional regulation because they’ve seen how unattractive it is when people are bad at it. When a person has been burned out by the emotional rollercoaster of someone who has regular emotional outbursts, an introvert’s level-headedness will look that much more attractive.

6. Introverts are deep thinkers.

There’s something intensely attractive about someone who thinks deeply. Just like emotional regulation, this is a trait that becomes more attractive when someone has experienced its absence. If someone has been exhausted by the shallowness of another person, they’ll be even more drawn to an introvert’s depth.

Introverts are constantly thinking. They think about recent conversations, the books their reading, and their most recent hobbies. They might ponder current events or philosophical concerns. No matter what else they’re doing, they’re thinking about something.

This makes them extremely interesting to other people. After all, everyone wants to talk to someone who is so full of thought that conversation never becomes dull. If you want to know how much an introvert thinks, ask them about their most recent interest or hobby. You’ll find a seemingly endless stream of thoughts bubble to the surface.

Introverts want to understand the world around them. Although they may not speak as much, their minds are constantly turning. They don’t just file information away for future reference, but use the information they gather to draw conclusions about other people and the world around them.

There is no telling how much depth is behind their quiet demeanor. The beauty of introverts is that they’re all different. While we can create a list of things that in general make an introvert attractive to other people, the thing that makes them most attractive is how unique they are in their depth.

Knowing one introvert does not mean you know them all. Because of their depth, you can spend a lifetime getting to know an introvert without ever running out of things to learn about them.

7. Introverts are dreamers and world-changers.

Introverts dream big, which often leads to large-scale change. In addition to being thoughtful, they’re idealistic. While some might paint this idealism as unrealistic, their idealism is often a precursor to major world change.

Throughout history, introverts have been the catalysts for change. Social activist Rosa Parks and scientific genius Albert Einstein were both introverts who changed the world. Hundreds more have contributed big things to society because they’ve allowed their big dreams to guide their steps.

Introverts are often creative thinkers. This creativity contributes to their big dreams. While they can easily get lost in their daydreams, most introverts are hard workers who will do almost anything to make their dreams a reality.

Have you ever met someone and immediately known that person would change the world? There’s something extraordinarily attractive about a person who knows what they want and how they want to influence the world. While it would be easy to consider an introvert’s musings as naïve daydreaming, people are often attracted to their desire to shape the world in meaningful ways.

Their daydreams and creative solutions are often a breath of fresh air, especially for people who work with them. Despite their quiet demeanors, they’re typically considered thought leaders in their fields because they never stop growing. When they achieve something big, their minds are already reeling with new possibilities.

8. Introverts are mysterious.

Mysterious people are extremely attractive to others. When a person doesn’t volunteer a lot of personal information about themselves, other people are naturally curious. While this leaves them free to fill in the blanks with their own assumptions, they’re often inclined to learn more about the person to see if their assumptions are correct.

You’re not likely to learn much about an introvert the first day you meet them. It takes a lot of time before an introvert lets down their guard enough to open up about everything that goes on in their mind.

This sense of mystery makes them very interesting. While extroverts don’t leave much to the imagination, often sharing their secrets with near strangers, introverts play things closer to the chest. This doesn’t just make them more interesting. When an introvert finally begins to open up, the other person will feel special because they’re seeing a side no one else sees.

One extrovert shared with us about the early days of her relationship with her husband. Her husband has always been an outgoing introvert. That means he’s usually talkative, even with strangers. However, he still didn’t open up very easily, which meant few people really knew him.

Shortly before they began dating, a mutual friend found out that he spent his weekends alone in his apartment. In true extrovert fashion, the two of them decided to “fix” that by going over to his place. This extrovert was so fascinated by his mysterious nature that she began spending more time with him. Less than a year after that, they were married.

Never underestimate the intrigue of a good mystery! An introvert’s mysterious nature can make them extremely attractive to others. Who knows, you could end up married to a curious extrovert!

The Science of Why People Have Serious Attraction To Introverts

Attraction

Introverted romantic partners are nothing to shy away from, research shows.

by Lauren Vinopal

Updated: 

Originally Published: 

Famous introverts such as Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, and Sir Isaac Newton may not have been traditionally handsome, but somehow they’re attractive. And not just because they made a name for themselves in the sciences. There’s something about shy guys (fat guys too) — both anecdotally, and based on actual data. We now know that understated personality types are often more than they seem and, since it’s not in their strong, silent nature to brag about their own attributes, we did it for them. Here are the sexy, measurable perks to being a wallflower.

1. Introverts Think Before They Speak

People with introverted personalities are less prone to shooting from the hip (and less familiar with the taste of their own feet in their mouths) psychologist Laurie Helgoe explains in Psychology Today. “Introverts like to think before responding—many prefer to think out what they want to say in advance—and seek facts before expressing opinions,” she writes. “Extroverts are comfortable thinking as they speak.” As much as that off-the-cuff swagger can be attractive, there’s evidence that heterosexual women are generally drawn to men who use shorter words and speak in shorter sentences. Besides, thinking before you speak never hurts your sex appeal.

2. They’re More Selective…Sexually

Studies show that extroverts get laid more often than introverts (sorry, shy guys). The data suggests extroverted men have sex 5.5 times a month, while introverted men only get it on 3 times per month. But introverts are all about quality connections, so it’s no surprise that this selectiveness extends to the bedroom.

(Plus, doesn’t that 0.5 imply some extroverts flew too close to the sun…?)

3. Their Brains May Be Built to Make Better Decisions

Introverts appear to have larger, thicker gray matter in the prefrontal cortices of their brains compared to extroverts, a 2012 study out of Harvard University suggests. Given that this is an area of the brain linked with abstract thought and decision-making, study authors concluded that this may account for why introverts sit back and quietly contemplate before making decisions. So it’s no wonder why they’re so much more concise in their speech and less sexually promiscuous. That extra touch of gray matter seems to suit them.

4. They Use Their Power More Effectively

Extroverts may speak the loudest around the office, but when it comes to wielding any real power introverts have the edge, according to 10 years worth of data. The study, published in the Harvard Business Review, looked at over 17,000 C-level executives, including 2,000 CEOs, and found that more than half of the CEOs who performed the best (according to investors and directors) were introverts. For those of you keeping score at home—that’s two Harvard-led studies championing introverts. Convenient? Perhaps.

5. They Don’t Take Sh*t From Extroverts

Despite their quiet demeanors, introverts pack a punch. They’re more likely to give extroverted coworkers lower performance reviews, less likely to endorse them for raises and promotions, and less likely to give them credit for their achievements, two separate studies suggest. The findings demonstrate that introverts are not necessarily impressed by their gregarious counterparts—and that they’re unafraid to admit it. Sure, they think before they speak and get out less often than extroverts. But that doesn’t mean you want to cross them.

This article was originally published on

Are introverts and relationships with men incompatible?

Introverts and relationships ...

34 answers

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#1

#2

I am very sorry for the introvert and suffer from this.

#3

#4

#5

#6

Really. Sometimes you listen to a recognized talker - he says obvious things, it pours water for me)) I can’t do that)

At school I didn’t communicate with anyone very much. Then, before entering the university, I decided I would be sociable, but apparently you won’t drink nature. My enthusiasm did not last long. Although she behaved very modestly, she met a young man at the university. Surprisingly, with him I feel like an extrovert, even though he himself is a talker! It is easy to communicate, I say all the stupid things that come to mind)))) With others, I strictly filter the market)

Author, did you have problems with the volume of essays at school??;)

#7

Is this introversion?? It's like that, I totally understand. but I thought it was complexes and self-doubt.

#8

#9,0003

#10

Spase.

By the way, I am also from under the sign "Gemini"))))))))))))))))

#11

SPASE.

By the way, I'm also from under the sign "Gemini")))))))))))))))) At home, without communication, I want to go out to people))

#13

#14

Guest

I myself introvert. Introverts easily communicate with close people and feel comfortable only with them. Where is the loneliness? nine0003

#15

#16

#17

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#19

#20,0002 Lyon

I do not know, introvert I'm, but lately I've been avoiding people. Apparently, since I started using the Internet)). Why do you need to chat with people about all sorts of garbage, if all the useful information can be found on the Internet? nine0003

#21

Turing machine

yeah, why open your mouth once again, it's so energy-consuming!

And earlier I was an open and good-natured person - I could freely communicate with any person, but at the same time I was completely good-natured and selfless - many people often used this, inflicting deep wounds on me, the scars of which have not healed to this day.

#22

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#23

Guest

This is not the point at all - communication is primarily an emotionally costly process - I became an introvert, because, as people often caused me pain and suffering - their own conversations, rudeness, impoliteness, sometimes frankly laughed in the face - so I became a closed person. I would be comfortable with people like me - but alas, I don’t observe them yet - many don’t understand me, I have to keep everything in myself all the time. nine0003

And earlier I was an open and good-natured person - I could freely communicate with any person, but at the same time I was completely good-natured and selfless - many people often took advantage of this, inflicting deep wounds on me, the scars of which have not healed to this day.

#24

Guest

I am an absolute introvert. I love loneliness. I like to be alone, to think about something. I live with feelings, thoughts, and usually 90% of conversations are just empty and unnecessary for me. Conversations are straining, and I try to get away from talkative people as quickly as possible .. depending on the mood, I can talk longer, sometimes on the Internet, but this rarely happens. In addition to my family, (in principle, I communicate with relatives in moderation . ..) I practically do not communicate with anyone, there is no need for this. I'm sure there are introverts on this forum. Such a question for you .. Are you dating someone, married? I just started asking myself this question. On the one hand, there was no relationship, although I am 24, and I would like to experience mutual love, relationships, have children in the future. But on the other hand, I understand that I can’t internally, I’m not in tune with other people. Also, unsociable men are also not an option, the very presence of an introvert will strain and annoy me very much, loneliness or someone sociable in moderation is already better. And in general, despite such a desire for relationships, families over time, there is an inner coldness and isolation, which She scares everyone away, but I can’t get rid of her .. From this and the impossibility of dating. At the initial stage, when I am the least sociable, all those who showed interest in me quickly disappeared, because I don’t keep up the conversation much, and it’s like a wall in front of me that I don’t let anyone in . .. tell me if there was Do you have something similar and what is your opinion? Thanks

Can I write you a little introverted letter?

#25

#26

Guest

Guestel was not at all in the first of all - the communication is primarily an emotionally costly process - I became an introvert, because people often caused me pain and suffering - with their conversations, rudeness, impoliteness, sometimes openly laughed in my face - so I became a closed person. I would be comfortable with people like me - but alas, I don’t observe them yet - many don’t understand me, I have to keep everything in myself all the time. nine0003

And earlier I was an open and good-natured person - I could freely communicate with any person, but at the same time I was completely good-natured and selfless - many people often took advantage of this, inflicting deep wounds on me, the scars of which have not healed to this day. We are all open and friendly since childhood. This is later, all at different times, who earlier (I am seven years old), who later close their shells to protect themselves from the outside world, because we ourselves cannot be rude, offend in response. But with a very close person who loves selflessly (son, mother) we are completely different. And I want to talk heart to heart, and listen with interest. nine0003

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Scotty

Oh, I'm an introvert too! But somewhere inside I am a sociable person (only with myself, probably) - this is probably the sign of the zodiac Gemini in me speaks. Indeed. Sometimes you listen to a recognized talker - he says obvious things, it pours water for me)) I can’t do that) At school, I didn’t communicate with anyone. Then, before entering the university, I decided I would be sociable, but apparently you won’t drink nature. My enthusiasm did not last long. Although she behaved very modestly, she met a young man at the university. Surprisingly, with him I feel like an extrovert, even though he himself is a talker! It's easy to communicate, I say all the stupid things that come to mind)))) With others, I strictly filter the market) Author, did you have problems with the volume of essays at school??;)

#31

#32

I am 24 years old, introvert and 5 years old is married. BUT! My husband is also silent and an introvert. Only for this reason, I can be with him. With a chatterer or just an ordinary sociable person, I would never and never be able to meet, much less live. Because all the acquaintances have sociable guys and husbands who constantly want to communicate with them or go somewhere together - I would hang myself about such a life. And with my husband, I can say without any problems that I want to go for a walk on the street alone, he understands everything and at this time he reads a book alone at home. Or at home, he can tell me, "You know, I want to be alone for a while, is that okay? I'll read a book," and of course that's okay. In this case, he reads a book in the kitchen, for example, and I go about my business in the room and there are no complaints why we do not communicate and do something together. At the same time, we also communicate very well, we have many common interests

#32

#33

Christina invert2 900 We are comfortable.

#34

Guest

I am an introvert-sociaphobe. extrovert husband. together we are good and wonderful. We go for a walk together to the cinema, park, cafe. a couple of times a month my husband goes to football with friends or tennis (he likes noisy companies). nine0002 9 answers

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    Single introverts at work.

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    #1

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    #8

    Positive

    Author, author, author, author, author, author, author, author. just forget them - they are a herd, ***, a bunch of hypocrites who secretly hate each other. All normal people get tired of this swarm of green flies buzzing around. If possible, put headphones in your ears and work calmly. Think of yourself as a stately white frigate that has entered into the bay to replenish provisions, and their pieces ***** beating against your side are unable to resist the waves ......

    #9

    Hasafa

    At least I'm not the only one! I have been working for several months, but it seems like it was just yesterday. At work, they hardly communicate with me. The team practically consists of men, mostly aged 35-45, and all they discuss is alcohol, politics, news, dachas and tell misogynistic stories. I am an introvert myself, and since this is my first job and the first completely unfamiliar team, I was very taciturn. It is much more pleasant for me to communicate with friends, with a guy and with relatives than with strangers. That's why I'm lost. At first, they tried to get me to talk, but then they realized that I was not interested in alcohol or dachas, etc., they scored and now they only talk among themselves, and when I try to insert at least a word, they interrupt and pretend that they are not listening. For lunch we always go together with 2-3 of them and I try to keep the conversation going. In addition, if you need a ride home, then they give a ride and in private I always behave liberated. But in the office itself, I am always closed, I come and bury myself in the computer. I don't know what to do anymore. And I am even more constrained by the questions "Why are you silent" and so on. nine0003

    #10

    Temariloli

    By the way, I work alone, my colleagues are on the phone. We are all in different offices. I am annoyed by the clients themselves ... all with screams, yelling, impudent behavior, as if I can solve something . .. very nervous work. Sometimes you sit at work and drink Corvalol, etc. but I'm here by pull, at least they pay here. And also a terrible work schedule 6/1 ... I just can’t find my place in life. I am studying for a part-time department of a commodity specialist, it seems to be good that you will not be a simple worker and sit in some kind of closet, but this profession, unfortunately, is becoming obsolete. Now storekeepers have appeared, with the functions of a merchandiser, and this, excuse me, is an uncle loader, who is also blamed for this. So I'm not sure if I can find a job by profession, because there are very few vacancies. and so ... where to go, hell would know) I want 2/2, somewhere near or near the house, and to pay at least the average (by the way, now I go every day with transfers to work at the other end of the city)

    #11

    LilyaK

    I think it's the situation itself, only men. Some women in the men's team really get high, they feel like queens. Look, you have someone to go to lunch with, but almost no one comes up to me. You are great, the only thing I don’t understand is why they ask about the fact that you are silent, for such a large amount of time they could get used to it.

    #12

    Hasafa

    there is one woman. but she has been working for a long time, and the boss. and there is no special attention, although I consider myself pretty. misogynists. and the profession of these men is a programmer. only cockroaches in my head. and I want to talk on the contrary, but there are almost no common themes. and when there is nothing to do at work, and everyone around you is talking and not noticing you, I generally start thinking about changing jobs. how long do you work? And how many people are in the team? nine0003

    #13

    #14

    LilyaK tell us more about your work I also have clients, at the first job they brought me to a tick, the communication was personal. Now, remotely, even if they freak out (occasionally), I pronounce all the information in a calm tone. From my own experience I can say that the profession is not fundamental, I also study as a marketing specialist, as a result I am a "customer service specialist". So don't box yourself in. Look at a headhunter, a job as a manager of an online store, or a merchandiser in a large clothing store, a call center operator in a car dealership (great job by the way, I can recommend), and shift schedules. When I worked as an operator in a car company, there is a 2/2/3 schedule - this is generally ideal. Only 10 shifts per month for 12 hours. kaif work. There are a lot of calls, but you are like an intermediate link, you don’t need to discuss or find out anything with them. Tell us more about yourself and together we will find a way out)))

    #15

    Temariloli

    sales manager at a window company. .. and by the way, I would like to stop SELLING. Do something that does not depend on sales. There are also calls, I already startle when someone calls.

    #16

    LilyaK

    Consider, for example, the positions of "Data Entry Specialist", there are similar vacancies in insurance companies, as well as in stores, drive documents into the database, calm work without calls. nine0003

    #17

    #18

    Temarololi

    Now I tried to get one vacancies such ...

    #19

    Temariloli

    Now I have tried to get one vacancy of such . ..

    #200003

    #21

    Nika

    yes.. I also consider myself an introvert and I didn’t find a suitable job until the age of 32, almost everything was in sales, and this is hell for an introvert. now I work as an administrator in an entertainment institution, I thought they would pull less, but nooo, everything is much worse than expected, all the women of my colleagues are such talkers and well .. close-minded (I don’t want to offend, but it’s true), they grind everyone for 12 hours, gossip, they attract me too, but in vain, they rage at me because of this, they consider me to be some kind of strange, closed, but I can’t stand gossip and in general empty talk, all day I think about how to go home faster ... I don’t even I know where to find a suitable job, and I don’t really know how to look for it, but for an introvert it is very important to find a job to your liking, then there will be no fatigue, and negativity, and depression. nine0003

    #22

    LilyaK

    Oh, these ladies are everywhere) and when they start moving their cart, you can’t stop at all))) try to search the headhunter, you’ll definitely find something. For us introverts, the ideal job is that in a separate office, with a maximum of one person and that one who is not very talkative and with papers. Dream! Moreover, I know people who changed individual offices to other more "active" places of work. I do not understand this. You will definitely find your place, don't give up and always (!) supervise a headhunter, seriously - it helps, at least for the sake of interviews, they will refuse 10 times, but when you find your place, you will definitely feel it)

    #23

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    Temariloli

    I am from Omsk. I look at vacancies mainly at work 55 (they recently moved to zalzara.ru)

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    man (my fiancé and girlfriend) or in the cinema. Let's go to the theater this Saturday)

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    #33

    Temariloli

    Is anyone here?

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    LilyaK

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