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Best friend hurt me


How to Forgive and Move Forward

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Forgiving a friend may not be easy, but it could be good for your mental health.

There’s no sugar coating it: it hurts to be hurt by a friend.

When a friend wrongs you, you may question whether the friendship is worth keeping. Yet, even if you feel uncertain about whether you can fix the friendship, practicing forgiveness could be good for your mental health — on top of good for your relationship.

A 2017 study found that greater forgiveness is associated with less stress and better mental health. Another 2017 study also found forgiveness had strong ties to feeling positive emotions, positive relations with others, a sense of purpose in life, and a greater sense of empowerment.

Thus forgiveness may be worth exploring while you explore if the friendship is worth saving.

Forgiveness is a part of friendship, and getting hurt by a friend — even your best friend — is not uncommon.

When a friend hurts you, it often has less to do with you and more on “their past pain and what’s going on with their life,” explains Antoinette Beauchamp, a certified leadership coach specializing in communication and relationship management.

If you’re trying to decide whether you can still be friends, the real question to ask yourself, according to Beauchamp, is, “can you be friends with someone who hurt you without resentment?”

If you don’t think you can forgive the hurt, then “having an authentic friendship will be difficult — and the pain will likely resurface, causing another argument later,” says Beauchamp.

How to determine if the friendship should be fixed

Determining if a friendship should be fixed “depends on how much you value the friendship and whether or not you’re willing to work through the hurt,” suggests Dr. Harold Hong, a board certified psychiatrist in North Carolina.

Your choice to fix the friendship may also depend on the outcome of your confrontation. “If they’re defensive or refuse to take responsibility, you may need to reconsider your decision to stay friends,” says Hong. “You don’t want to lose yourself in a friendship or be with someone who doesn’t value your feelings. ”

On the other hand, if they are receptive and apologetic, and you know you want to stay friends, Beauchamp suggests taking the time you need to heal and returning to the friendship when you feel ready and open.

“Confronting a friend who hurt you will not be easy,” notes Dr. Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, a board-certified psychiatrist in Texas. “The confrontation needs to be planned, so any overwhelming feelings don’t make the process difficult to restore.”

Gonzalez-Berrios recommends the following steps:

  • Prepare yourself for what you want to talk about.
  • Stay composed while you explain how they hurt you.
  • Let your friend give a viable explanation — and listen.
  • Avoid arguing, but be assertive with your point of view.
  • Be clear about your boundaries in the relationship.

“Be honest about your feelings and use ‘I’ statements to express yourself,” suggests Hong. “For example, ‘I felt disrespected when you raised your voice at me in front of others. ”’

From there, Hong suggests you try to explain how you would like the situation to be handled differently in the future. “For example, ‘In the future, I would appreciate it if you would talk with me privately if you’re upset with me instead of yelling at me in front of others.'”

It’s also critical that you give your friend a chance to respond. “Your friend may not have realized their actions were hurtful, so this is an opportunity for them to understand your perspective,” says Hong.

And while confrontation may feel intimidating, Beauchamp reminds us that giving honest feedback is sometimes the most loving thing you can do.”

“To reconcile a friendship, be honest, communicate, and create a path forward together,” says Beauchamp.

It’s also important to let go of resentment. “Holding onto anger and resentment will only damage your mental health and prevent you from moving on,” explains Hong. “Try to let go of negative feelings and focus on the positive aspects of your friendship. ”

“You can also forgive and then steer clear of them in the future if you feel it’s in your best interest,” says Hong. “In fact, mental health experts recommend forgiving those who have hurt you to improve your mental health and well-being.”

Remember that when healing a friendship, you also need to heal yourself. Beauchamp suggests turning to tools such as meditation, breathwork, and journaling to help you process any complex emotions.

You also don’t have to heal alone. “If you’re feeling particularly overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to [another] trusted friend or family member for support,” says Hong. “Seeking mental health assistance can also help you process your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.”

Forgiving a friend won’t always be easy, and it may take some time for things to return to normal.

Still, forgiveness and healing are possible if both you and your friend are willing to work on the relationship. And either way, your mental health will thank you for practicing forgiveness.

“Friendships are like all other relationships, there are stages and phases, and things change. And that’s okay,” says Beauchamp. In fact, things may change for the better, even if it’s not in a way you expected.

How to Forgive and Move Forward

We include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Here’s our process.

Psych Central only shows you brands and products that we stand behind.

Our team thoroughly researches and evaluates the recommendations we make on our site. To establish that the product manufacturers addressed safety and efficacy standards, we:

  • Evaluate ingredients and composition: Do they have the potential to cause harm?
  • Fact-check all health claims: Do they align with the current body of scientific evidence?
  • Assess the brand: Does it operate with integrity and adhere to industry best practices?

We do the research so you can find trusted products for your health and wellness.

Read more about our vetting process.

Forgiving a friend may not be easy, but it could be good for your mental health.

There’s no sugar coating it: it hurts to be hurt by a friend.

When a friend wrongs you, you may question whether the friendship is worth keeping. Yet, even if you feel uncertain about whether you can fix the friendship, practicing forgiveness could be good for your mental health — on top of good for your relationship.

A 2017 study found that greater forgiveness is associated with less stress and better mental health. Another 2017 study also found forgiveness had strong ties to feeling positive emotions, positive relations with others, a sense of purpose in life, and a greater sense of empowerment.

Thus forgiveness may be worth exploring while you explore if the friendship is worth saving.

Forgiveness is a part of friendship, and getting hurt by a friend — even your best friend — is not uncommon.

When a friend hurts you, it often has less to do with you and more on “their past pain and what’s going on with their life,” explains Antoinette Beauchamp, a certified leadership coach specializing in communication and relationship management.

If you’re trying to decide whether you can still be friends, the real question to ask yourself, according to Beauchamp, is, “can you be friends with someone who hurt you without resentment?”

If you don’t think you can forgive the hurt, then “having an authentic friendship will be difficult — and the pain will likely resurface, causing another argument later,” says Beauchamp.

How to determine if the friendship should be fixed

Determining if a friendship should be fixed “depends on how much you value the friendship and whether or not you’re willing to work through the hurt,” suggests Dr. Harold Hong, a board certified psychiatrist in North Carolina.

Your choice to fix the friendship may also depend on the outcome of your confrontation. “If they’re defensive or refuse to take responsibility, you may need to reconsider your decision to stay friends,” says Hong. “You don’t want to lose yourself in a friendship or be with someone who doesn’t value your feelings. ”

On the other hand, if they are receptive and apologetic, and you know you want to stay friends, Beauchamp suggests taking the time you need to heal and returning to the friendship when you feel ready and open.

“Confronting a friend who hurt you will not be easy,” notes Dr. Nereida Gonzalez-Berrios, a board-certified psychiatrist in Texas. “The confrontation needs to be planned, so any overwhelming feelings don’t make the process difficult to restore.”

Gonzalez-Berrios recommends the following steps:

  • Prepare yourself for what you want to talk about.
  • Stay composed while you explain how they hurt you.
  • Let your friend give a viable explanation — and listen.
  • Avoid arguing, but be assertive with your point of view.
  • Be clear about your boundaries in the relationship.

“Be honest about your feelings and use ‘I’ statements to express yourself,” suggests Hong. “For example, ‘I felt disrespected when you raised your voice at me in front of others. ”’

From there, Hong suggests you try to explain how you would like the situation to be handled differently in the future. “For example, ‘In the future, I would appreciate it if you would talk with me privately if you’re upset with me instead of yelling at me in front of others.'”

It’s also critical that you give your friend a chance to respond. “Your friend may not have realized their actions were hurtful, so this is an opportunity for them to understand your perspective,” says Hong.

And while confrontation may feel intimidating, Beauchamp reminds us that giving honest feedback is sometimes the most loving thing you can do.”

“To reconcile a friendship, be honest, communicate, and create a path forward together,” says Beauchamp.

It’s also important to let go of resentment. “Holding onto anger and resentment will only damage your mental health and prevent you from moving on,” explains Hong. “Try to let go of negative feelings and focus on the positive aspects of your friendship. ”

“You can also forgive and then steer clear of them in the future if you feel it’s in your best interest,” says Hong. “In fact, mental health experts recommend forgiving those who have hurt you to improve your mental health and well-being.”

Remember that when healing a friendship, you also need to heal yourself. Beauchamp suggests turning to tools such as meditation, breathwork, and journaling to help you process any complex emotions.

You also don’t have to heal alone. “If you’re feeling particularly overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to [another] trusted friend or family member for support,” says Hong. “Seeking mental health assistance can also help you process your emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms.”

Forgiving a friend won’t always be easy, and it may take some time for things to return to normal.

Still, forgiveness and healing are possible if both you and your friend are willing to work on the relationship. And either way, your mental health will thank you for practicing forgiveness.

“Friendships are like all other relationships, there are stages and phases, and things change. And that’s okay,” says Beauchamp. In fact, things may change for the better, even if it’s not in a way you expected.

Wisdom from life experience

Municipalities Sabinsky municipal district Thematic sections It is interesting!!! Wisdom from life experience

  • Pain can make you stronger or burn you to ashes, the choice is yours.
  • Your path will always remain your path, you can take other people with you, but you cannot have someone else walk this path for you.
  • You can fall, but no one can stop you from getting up again and continuing on your way. nine0006
  • Moving towards your goal can be long and tiring, but the most important thing is that you are moving towards it.
  • Age creates wrinkles on the body, and the rejection of a dream creates wrinkles in the soul.
  • Watch your words, you can't take them back, they can hurt, and apologies may not be enough to heal.
  • True love can grow only on the provision of freedom and the ability to forgive.
  • Maturity comes not when we start talking about big things, but when we start to understand small things. nine0006
  • If someone can't accept your worst, they don't deserve your best.
  • Live as if someone spoke badly about you, but no one could believe them.
  • Don't label other people. They may not appear to be who they really are.
  • Don't let what doesn't matter cause you to lose what matters.
  • The one who complains about everything around and does not appreciate anything can be the most dangerous enemy of your success. nine0006
  • Don't be afraid to go slowly, be afraid to stand still - that's the worst thing you can do to yourself.
  • Tell the truth. She is like a boomerang, and like a lie, is able to come back.
  • People rarely notice when something is done for them, they notice it when they stop doing it for them.
  • Ninety percent of our worries are about what won't happen.
  • Success is the ability to move from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm. nine0006
  • If you have a choice between two people, then choose the second, because if you truly loved the first, then the second would not have appeared.
  • To find a new way, you need to get off the old road.
  • Only the actions of a person speak of his personality and his attitude towards you.

Don't believe the words, just watch and you will see the truth.

  • The rule to live by is to remain human in all situations. nine0006
  • We think God sees us from above, but he sees us from within.
  • If you find a person with whom you can behave as freely as you behave alone with yourself, then appreciate him as air.
  • A strong person is not one who defeats the weak, but one who helps the weak to become strong.
  • Accidents do not exist. Everything in this world is either a test, or a punishment, or a reward.
  • Life is not those days that have passed, but those that remain. nine0006
  • Where we are expected, we always turn out just in time.
  • If you want to be successful, you must look like you have it.
  • Those who read books will always control those who watch TV.
  • When you point your finger at others, see that the other three fingers are pointing at you.
  • The worst enemy is doubt. Because of him, we lose what we could have gained, but did not even try. nine0006
  • Do not be offended by words when you do not see the eyes.
  • Recipe for success: study while others sleep, work while others hang around, prepare while others play, dream while others wish.
  • Sometimes one touch can do more than you think.
  • In 20 years you will regret what you didn't do more than what you did.
  • If a person is looking for the meaning of life, he will not find anything. If a person seeks life itself, he will find its meaning. nine0006
  • Life is not a zebra of black and white stripes, but a chessboard. It all depends on your move.
  • It is better to act beautifully than to speak beautifully.
  • Wherever you go, start where you are.
  • Being lonely doesn't mean you're weak, it means you're strong enough to wait for what you deserve.
  • Be attentive to your thoughts, they are the beginning of actions.
  • The one who is guilty does not always ask for forgiveness. The one who cherishes the relationship asks for forgiveness. nine0006
  • Friends we choose ourselves, but time leaves the best of them.
  • Sometimes you have to fight for happiness with yourself, with laziness, with pride and attachments.
  • Most people spend their lives in captivity, because they live only in the future and the past, they deny the present. Although the present is where it all begins.
  • The true attitude towards a person does not depend on the mood and circumstances.
  • Love is a priceless gift. It's the only thing we can give, and yet we still have it. nine0006
  • Don't rely too much on anyone in this world, because your own shadow eats you when you're in the dark.
  • In this world, there is only one way to earn love - stop demanding it and start giving.
  • Speaking without thinking is like shooting without aiming.
  • Everyone wants to change the world, but no one wants to change himself.
  • Too many people break down without realizing how close they were to success at the moment they lost heart. nine0006
  • The most cruel thing is to leave without explanation, to leave silently, leaving a person alone with hundreds of razor-sharp questions in his head, to which only you can answer.
  • Our views are like our clocks - they all show different times, but everyone believes only their own.
  • The more you try to achieve a person who does not appreciate you, the more painful for you will be the blows of his indifference.
  • To be listened to, sometimes it is enough to switch to a whisper. nine0006
  • Choose a job you love and you won't have to work a single day in your life.
  • When I'm having a hard time, I always remind myself that if I give up, it won't get better.
  • Today people have ceased to perceive each other as actually people. They are interested in everything: how you dress, how much you earn, what car you drive, but not yourself.
  • There is no greater pleasure in life than the pleasure of overcoming difficulties on the way to success. nine0006
  • Life is a series of problems, and the choice is ours to either whine or solve them.
  • In this life it doesn't matter how you fall, what matters is how you rise.
  • To fly with eagles, do not graze with turkeys.
  • Never take the advice of people who do not live the way you want to live.
  • The only person you have to compare yourself to is you in the past. And the only person you should be better than is you right now. nine0006
  • Imagine how quiet it would be if people only spoke what they knew.
  • Take risks, if you win, you will be happy, and if you lose, you will be wise.
  • It is not difficult to believe people, it is difficult to believe again.
  • The only recipe for any business is to be sincere. When you are passionate, do something sincerely, then everything works out.
  • People spend their whole lives looking for something beautiful, but in the end they get what they deserve. nine0006
  • We are never deceived, we are deceived ourselves.
  • Each person is given at least 10 opportunities to change their life during the day.
  • We say the most important words in our lives in silence.
  • Ridiculous screaming in rage, but terrible silent in offense.
  • When communicating with a person, remember that he has a good opinion of himself.
  • Today is not an ordinary day, today is the day in which our future is created. nine0006
  • The more often you face fear, the less strength it has left.
  • Do not be afraid to love! Love wins and will win!
  • The main thing in fighting for each other is to believe in each other.

Last updated: Dec 6, 2021 9:38 AM

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“My husband’s friend fell in love with me, and I hurt him”

34,388

A man and a woman Know yourself

“He’s a good man, he deserves happiness”

mutual friends at the celebration of the New Year and left the party already together. And a year later they decided to get married. At the wedding, I noticed that Dima, the groom's best friend, did not take his eyes off me. We had known each other for a long time, of course, but this was the first time he looked at me like that. However, I remembered this later - on the day of the wedding, it was not up to that. nine0003

We lived happily: we combined our fifth-year studies with part-time jobs, rented an apartment from friends for little money, and, of course, played with might and main. Then I began to pay attention to the behavior of Dima. After drinking, he might say something strange.

Once we had guests, I was preening myself in front of the mirror in the hallway, and he came up behind, stretched out his hands to me and pulled them back without touching me. Another time we were dressing, also in a large crowd, and he helped me put on my coat. When I was very close, he said very quietly - either to himself or to me: “How beautiful you are ...”

At that time I was reveling in a new life — freedom from parental overprotection, my love for my husband, a sense of my own “adulthood” and irresistibility. Consciously and unconsciously, I flirted with Dima, flirted - however, everything was within the bounds of decency.

I didn't need anything from him, I liked being liked. I was flattered by his attention

Some time later, Dima disappeared from the radar. The husband sometimes saw him one on one and said that a friend had a girlfriend. I felt something like jealousy, but at the same time I was sincerely glad: he is a good man, he deserves happiness. nine0003

We haven't seen each other for half a year, Dima seemed to be avoiding me. However, my husband and I were also invited to his birthday party. I met his girlfriend, I liked her. Friendly and polite, she did not seek to get close to me. They looked happy and were, I must say, a beautiful couple. We began to get out somewhere more often four of us or in a large company. So another few months passed. Dima proposed to his girlfriend, they were planning a wedding.

One day we were all at my parents' dacha, where my husband and I had a big fight - I don't even remember why. Everything happened literally in front of friends. I realized that I was going to cry now, and went away from everyone. I WAS VERY ILL. Soon Dima caught up with me. I cried, and he hugged me and said something comforting. Friendly, there was nothing indecent. I think if my husband saw this scene, he would not bother - a friend reassures a friend, what's wrong. nine0003

But Dima's girl found us — she came up, took the ring off her finger and gave it to him

I was struck by her words: “You don't need anyone but her. Don't deceive yourself." He paused and said only: "I'm sorry." I left to let them talk. But soon she left alone, not even allowing him to take her.

We didn't see each other for a couple of months. From my husband, I knew that these two broke up. I felt guilty even though I didn't do anything wrong. And then I switched to my life - a pregnancy test showed two stripes, my husband and I rejoiced and made plans for the future. Ilya shared his joy with Dima ... And then he told me that he suddenly accepted a job offer and left St. Petersburg for the Far East. nine0003

Our daughter is growing up. And Dima is alone, single, and lives somewhere near the Pacific Ocean. We didn’t see each other, we didn’t explain, we didn’t discuss anything. Only every year on my birthday I get the same message with a brief congratulations from him. And for some reason, every time I feel sadness and ... guilt.

“This is a story in which a man himself bears responsibility for his sufferings”

Inessa Zakharyan, psychologist:

There are such stories. And often the female audience condemns the wife who “on purpose” does something special, knows some tricks to keep the poor man (who is usually pitied) with her. Everyone knows these expressions: “And you let him know that nothing will happen”, “Shut him, he will be better”, “She torments him”. Of course, there is also an element of envy. nine0003

Some free women could not be charmed, but she, this "flip-tail", has a husband, and this friend "dries over her"

The heroine's story very accurately describes the feelings of his wife. It is inherent in female nature - the desire to please, to flirt. Yes, and everyone wants to be in demand, noticeable in any area of ​​life, especially in their personal lives. And that's okay.

The bride of a friend turned out to be very wise, who did not agree to be in the background in the life of a loved one. She understood the feelings of her beloved and was able to leave. Why? Because she treated herself well enough, understood her self-worth. And she knew exactly what place in the heart of a man she wanted to occupy. nine0003

And he? What did he see in her?

The magic is that this is the story of a husband's friend, not a wife's. Maybe, as a child, he or his mother liked fairy tales in which the only love for all time was sung. And as a child, he accepted the idea that it was right to be monogamous (remember Andersen's "The Little Mermaid"). You chose once and you carry this choice through your whole life, and you pay an incredible price for this love.

Or he absorbed the romantic idea of ​​a beautiful unrequited feeling - like a medieval knight for an inaccessible Beautiful Lady. For her sake, one could go to feats and even sacrifice oneself. But the main thing is to put it on a pedestal, sing and remember the distance, and sometimes create it yourself so that the ideal is unattainable. nine0003

But the art of rational choice is usually not mentioned in fairy tales and ballads

Or maybe he had a lot of injuries. It was dangerous for him to show love, to show feelings, to accept them, to open up, to have a dialogue. This is much more difficult, energy-consuming and unpredictable than suffering about the Beautiful Lady.

An important nuance: almost always he does not know her really, intimately. It is no coincidence that the hero of the story praised the external data of his beloved. And this, too, can speak of a certain image in his head, which he fell in love with. In any case, this is a story that he lives himself and in which he himself is responsible for his suffering. nine0003

Psychologist, mediator.

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