What not to do in a relationship with your boyfriend

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"You need to set rules for how to handle arguments. Screaming, name calling, going into a rage, and withdrawing emotionally are never okay. If there are challenges to the rules, they need to be negotiated together so everyone fights fair," Gagliano says.

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"When in conflict, you need to take a step back, get all the thoughts about the other person out of your head, and become self-reflective enough to figure out what your part is in the conflict," says Shushansky. "Then decide what changes you can make to try and better the situation."

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"To keep your relationship healthy, happy, and fulfilling, you need to connect with each other every single day and intentionally grow your friendship," say Marcus and Ashley Kusi, authors of two best-selling marriage books and the blog Our Peaceful Family. "We carve out at least an hour each night to talk and dream together."

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"Voicing your needs, both from the relationship and day-to-day, is an essential component to a healthy relationship. Don't stay silent and hope they'll figure out what you need from them. Instead, speak up!" House explains. "Don't be abrasive. Don't be passive. Don't couch. Don't hide. Be honest, direct, confident, and loving."

25 Things You Should Never Do in a Relationship

Healthy partnerships are a blend of many things, most of which include love and best friendship. 

That means happiness extends to bliss on the most outstanding of days, unending support for each other, and having a teammate to get through the hectic day-to-day. It can be amazing. 

It can also be awful at times. Most of us are aware of things not to do in a relationship, but when one person is facing challenges or the relationship is going through a rough patch, unhealthy habits begin to form that need to be squashed before they become the norm.

When relationships are good, they can be fantastic, but when things are sour, partners begin to do things you should never do with your mate. It’s quite normal to occasionally lash out if you’re angry or perhaps even inadvertently insult your mate. 

But when bad behavior starts to be a habit, it needs addressing before one or both partners begin to feel it’s okay to act this way. Let’s look at things not to do in a relationship.

No one should presume what should a relationship be like. Partnerships are not all created equally, nor are any walks in the park. Being with someone you love, consider your best friend, comes with ups and downs if you intend a long-term match.  

Each day you need to nurture plus try to cope with the downs in a healthy, communicative way.

Related Reading: 9 Ways to Manage the Ups and Downs in Your Relationship

Instead of enjoying each moment as they happen, some partners anxiously push for that next step in the relationship. One of the worst things to do in a relationship is to rush rather than create fabulous memories as you go from one day to the next. 

The moments leading up to whatever the future holds are part of your story; they should be as fascinating as the climax.

The ideal mate enhances their partner’s life and encourages them to grow and vice versa. That doesn’t mean you’ll have the answer to every situation that arises. While a mate should always listen and support, that doesn’t translate to fixing the problem or providing a solution. 

Each partner needs to recognize the strength within themselves to manage and cope with life’s issues and not have that expectation that your significant other will always take care of everything for you. Support and encourage, but don’t always try to be the answer.

Also Try : Who Is My Ideal Partner Quiz

Healthy relationships face challenges. It would be unusual to be involved in a long-term committed partnership and not have ups and downs. The test of strength is how both people work together to cope with the downs. 

It’s not easy, nor is it supposed to be. It requires plenty of effort. If one person chooses to ignore it with the notion it will work itself out is not worth your effort. That’s not how a relationship should be. 

Related Reading: 6 Tips to Overcome Difficult Times in Your Relationship

When things begin to get serious in a partnership, it can be scary. You will allow someone your vulnerabilities, give your trust, face expectations, and be depended on. It can be overwhelming. 

If you let that fear take over, it can ruin what might be a good relationship. It’s essential to work through these feelings with your mate by communicating what you’re experiencing and why.

Related Reading: 8 Signs That You’re Married to a Controlling Wife and Ways to Deal With One

Keeping secrets is not something mates do who enjoy a strong, open, honest union. Attempting to keep something quiet from a partner puts a wedge between the two of you that will ultimately let your significant other know something is up. 

It’s better to get everything out in the open in the very beginning and let the other person determine if it’s such a bad thing instead of trying to hide it. Secrets always come out at some point. It’s better to hear it in an honest conversation.

Related Reading: 15 Signs Your Spouse Is Hiding Something From You

If you’re trying to develop a relationship with another person, you need to be authentic. Things you should never say to a guy or things you shouldn’t say to your girlfriend include only agreeable comments or precisely what they want to hear. 

If you nod along with everything a partner says, in essence faking the way you feel, you’re being dishonest with them and unfair. Your mate isn’t getting to know you but instead a fairy tale version. You owe it to yourself and your partner to be real. 

Related Reading: 20 Signs You’re in a “Fake Relationship"

When a mate feels the need to seek other people, perhaps friends or even family, to validate you for them, it might not be the ideal relationship you believe it to be. 

When pondering what is a good relationship supposed to be, they require a genuine love and contentment that doesn’t involve validation of any kind except between the partners. 

The need to look outside for that validation shows doubt. There’s no place in a true partnership for that.

Also Try: What Is Your Ideal Relationship Quiz

Disagreement, arguments will happen. Sometimes these are exceptionally unpleasant to the point each person gets close to saying the things not to say to your girlfriend or vice versa, saying the things not to say to your boyfriend. 

Instead, each person needs to walk away, get some space, and take some time to work through the events so you can each find forgiveness. Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s the bigger people who know how to forgive, move forward, and not find a reason to hold a grudge.

Related Reading: 15 Signs You Need Space in Your Relationship

When old baggage is continually dredged up, no one can move towards a happy future. It’s essential to make peace with whatever is serving as a sore spot in the relationship. 

Regardless of what’s happened, it can’t be changed despite the amount of time spent arguing or worrying over the incident. It’s more important to focus on the present and how you can step into the future.

Related Reading: How Do You Stop Your Spouse From Bringing Up the Past

Everyone has their moments of vulnerability and times where strength is not on our side. In some cases, a mate expects a partner to be the household’s strength, handling anything that comes along. 

It’s asking a lot to anticipate that a person can stand up to this kind of standard. Ultimately, it can lead to extreme stress and a meltdown. Each person needs to be allowed their weaknesses, flaws, faults and be appreciated for these along with the positives.

In that same breath, some mates might ridicule or criticize even in healthy relationships when they have personal issues, or perhaps there’s a rough patch in the relationship. 

This habit can get out of control if an open line of communication is not developed as soon as the behavior starts to happen. Neither person should be judgmental or even inadvertently insulting towards the other person. 

Words need to be chosen carefully when facing challenges. 

Being critical is one of the primary things not to do in a relationship, especially when you’re hoping to move forward peacefully. 

Related Reading: The Key to Judgment-free Communication: Mirroring, Validation and Empathy

When learning what not to do in a relationship with your boyfriend or in that same vein what not to do in a relationship with your girlfriend, a primary focus should be on avoiding being selfish. 

The idea is that you’ll face the partnership as equals and the day-to-day as a team. There won’t be any expectations for either person. Instead, you’ll see whoever has the time or energy to get to a task doing it or take a day and do the chores together. 

As far as the relationship, the effort, time, and energy should be mutual. There should be no expectations placed on each of you but anticipation for each day and into the future. It shouldn’t feel like a job.

Related Reading: Relationship Expectations – What Should You Do with These?

Again, in that same breath, don’t take each other for granted. Show appreciation and gratitude for the other person. Cherish the fact that you have this person in your life and do your part to make them happy and vice versa. 

Too often, people become comfortable, especially in long-term relationships, assuming the other person already knows. Hence, there’s really no reason to have to keep repeating “I love you” or a need to give compliments. You couldn’t be more wrong.

Related Reading: 6 Great Love Tips to Make Your Relationship Healthy and Strong

Take the good and the bad equally. Not all partners can do that, with some only prepared to take the good. Your partner is not always going to be that happy-go-lucky person with whom you fell in love. 

There will be moments where your mate might go through a trauma, an illness, or a dark period unusual for them and maybe frightening for you. It’s not something you will likely know how to deal with; that’s okay. 

Your partner will most probably want to have space during these difficult times but at the same time know you’re supporting them. It’s wise to reach out for your own support system also to help you through this period. 

And if your significant other languishes for an extended period, you’ll want to look into professional help.

Related Reading: How Coping With Illness in Family Affected My Marriage

If you need to fix a few things to make your mate their perfect version, that partner is not the right person for you. We all have our quirks and eccentricities. That’s what makes us uniquely us.  

The people who come into our lives are initially attracted to that individuality. If any of that changes to suit what a partner imagines you to be, you will no longer be that individual. How is that fun . . . or fair?

Related Reading: Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Try to Change Your Partner

In many relationships, listening happens, but there’s not much hearing what the other person is communicating. That’s because no one is genuinely paying attention to what’s said. 

Active listening is a learned trait that takes practice. Healthy, strong, long-term relationships are such because they take the time to engage each other in this way. 

Couples look into each other’s eyes while talking, acknowledge the dialog, and only respond once they’ve thoroughly processed what they’ve heard. The conversation is intentional, has direction, and makes each person feel fulfilled.

If you don’t want to hear someone’s opinion on a topic, you genuinely shouldn’t ask a direct question of that person. Unfortunately, that’s the case in some partnerships, and it can lead to problems or dishonesty between the pair when one becomes overly sensitive with the subject.

It’s essential, no matter the subject, whether it’s a style of dressing, a shoe size, or a political inquiry, that you respect and appreciate your partner speaking their mind without affecting the relationship. 

If there’s a significant problem with a mate being able to say how they feel, it might be wise to reconsider this union in favor of someone who thinks more like you.

Related Reading:  What Does Being Sneaky in a Relationship Mean?

Instead of talking until a disagreement resolves, some individuals will walk away, leaving each person’s feelings to fester. That can happen in even the healthiest of relationships when going through a rough patch. It’s among the top things not to do in a relationship. 

If you can’t find a way to communicate the issue between yourselves to the point of resolution, it’s wise to reach out for professional guidance. It’s not something that will get better by neglecting it, nor will it just merely go away.

Too often, couples listen to what other people have to say about the fate of their relationship. Friends and family can be highly vocal with their opinions about mates creating tension in partnership. 

It can be a slippery slope for the pair because you could either stick together stronger in defiance of the naysayers or possibly break up after letting their negativity influence your opinions. These are things not to do in a relationship. 

As long as you share a healthy line of communication as a couple and advise family and friends to keep their opinions to themselves, you should be able to maintain a strong union without any effects from their backlash.

Related Reading: Couples Therapy Techniques To Improve Communication

Things not to do in a relationship include being closed-minded no matter how small or large the change might be to your grand scheme—this kind of lends itself to give and take in a partnership.  

Sometimes a mate might present with an opportunity that will throw off your couple goals by perhaps a small timeframe or maybe longer. Instead of disagreeing immediately with no conversation to be had, it’s essential to look at the pros and cons and at the very least discuss them.

Comparing a partner to someone else like an ex is hands down the ultimate of things not to do in a relationship. Anyone who does that is extremely breakup-worthy. 

That’s not only unfair and critical, but it speaks that you’re not good enough. It also says there are some unresolved feelings for the people you’re being compared to. Another thing it tells you is you deserve better.

Related Reading: Compare No More: Building Confidence in Your Marriage

If you ask what things not to do in a relationship, one of the first red flags everyone will mention is lying. There are, of course, little white lies. But if a mate starts telling those initially, will they progress as the relationship develops? 

If so, how far will your partner go with lying, and will cheating become a component of the habit? One thing you’ll have trouble establishing is trust. That’s something that’s challenging to get back once it’s gone.

Related Reading: How to Deal With a Lying Spouse

Something that can prove unforgivable is when a mate seeks out consolation during the rough patch instead of making attempts to communicate with you. 

In all likelihood, the interaction is innocent, especially if you have a strong bond. Still, it’s like a virtual slap to go outside the relationship to discuss the issues instead of trying to resolve things at home.

When a rough patch reaches a point where there seems to be no resolution, and you want to seek professional help in an attempt to save the relationship. Still, your partner refusing can make it begin to feel hopeless. 

That’s especially true if your mate is putting forth minimal effort in working through the problems. It can be tempting to throw out an ultimatum, but you want your significant other to go for therapy because they want to, not because you force them. 

Ultimately it needs to be their decision, but your decision needs to be whether you want to continue to put forth the effort you’ve been exhausting.

Check out this video that explains what one can discover about the relationship in couples therapy:

Every couple will experience ups and downs regardless of how healthy, happy, and strong your partnership is. It’s natural and expected in a long-term relationship. The difference between a successful couple and those who struggle is how you cope with the downs.  

Your partner wants you to be vulnerable, open, honest, and communicative. It means they can be too. That strengthens the bond, makes you close, and guides you directly towards a positive outcome. These are the things you should do in your relationship.

8 Things You Should Stop Doing in a Relationship

Are your relationships constantly developing according to the same scenario and inevitably end in a painful breakup? If so, then perhaps the whole point is that you keep stepping on the same rake, repeating the same mistakes over and over again. But what if you change your behavior a little? ELLE decided to make a list of eight things that you definitely shouldn't do in a relationship if you want to achieve harmony with your chosen one. nine0003

DO NOT FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVE

A man does a lot of nice things for you, gives you flowers, goes to comedy melodramas about emancipated women with you, and listens to detailed descriptions of “that-same-dress you-found-last-week. ” , but-which-didn't-fit-your-size-yes-and-cut-was-not-quite-the-one.” At the same time, you take it for granted and pay much more attention to the fact that he once again did not wash his mug or turn his socks inside out, putting them in the washing machine. Stop and think: why do you constantly dwell on the negative and completely do not appreciate the positive features of your partner? Don't you think that in fact the problem lies not in your beloved, but in your pessimistic attitude towards life? nine0003

DON'T LOSE INTEREST IN LIFE

Always remember to discover something new for yourself and your partner. After all, this is the only way you can avoid cooling in relationships and maintain interest not only in each other. So forget about weekends spent in front of the TV with pizza in hand. Instead, go learn new sports or enrich your knowledge of the history of martial arts.

Cease being ashamed of talking about sex

You definitely won't be able to have a good sex life if you don't discuss the things that bother you with your partner. Moreover, most likely, after a frank conversation, your beloved will finally understand why you do not want to do the things that he offers. Or, on the contrary, he will evaluate in which direction your intimate relationship can develop.

START INVESTING IN YOURSELF

Go to a trade show, start reading books, or take a trial fencing lesson - in short, find a hobby that will really excite you. Believe me, as soon as your life is filled with not only thoughts about your beloved, he will immediately begin to treat you and your relationship much more attentively. And never forget the axiom - if you are interesting to yourself, then you automatically become interesting to others. nine0003

START INTERESTING IN HIS HOBBY

Of course, not all girls are able to listen to a man's reasoning for hours about the correct placement of the players of his favorite football team. But you must admit that at least once it is not so difficult to ask about the results of a match that has just taken place and to find out the opinion of a lover about the outcome of the game. And you can’t even imagine how much such conversations will bring you closer to your partner.

DO NOT Rush

Learn to live for today and enjoy the relationships you have now. Of course, most women cannot force themselves not to think about the future, but at least stop demanding from your man some kind of guarantees and a “business plan” for your novel for the next five years. Representatives of the strong half of humanity are extremely painful when someone begins to encroach on their freedom, especially at the initial stage of a relationship. Let him decide for himself whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. nine0003

DON'T BE AFRAID OF CHANGE

If you think that even after five years of relationship your partner will be the same person you fell in love with at first sight, then you are deeply mistaken. Yes, and you yourself have long been not that naive girl. Accept the fact that people change over time. The question is how ready you are to accept these changes in your partner, given the transformation and your personality as well.

DON'T DRIVE STRANGERS INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

Parents, close friends, a hairdresser, and anyone else are not the kind of people with whom you should share the details of your personal life. You are the only person capable of making decisions regarding your relationship, and the opinion of an outsider, albeit a very close person, may well lead you astray. After all, only you can know what is really happening behind closed doors, and, having adequately weighed all the pros and cons, find the optimal solution to the conflict with your lover.

According to ELLE.RU

Tags: relationship blog, man and woman, happiness

What can guys not do in relationships with girls?

Many guys wonder what they do wrong when they start dating or interacting with the opposite sex. Maybe due to the nature of men or some animal instincts, often their actions lead to a break in relations. Now we will not talk about sexism, and not about the fact that a man must certainly be a man in a relationship, not be a nurse, and so on. In the modern world, the boundaries of what is permitted for both a guy and a girl are beginning to blur. nine0003

Contents of the article

• 1 Top most common mistakes guys make in relationships

But why is there an opinion that a guy should be strong, not show his feelings, not dress stylishly, because he will automatically be considered gay. This is absurd. Yes, perhaps most women would like to have a person nearby who will protect her, take care of her, but no one needs a tyrant. How can a young man not cross this fine line, and what should guys not do in relationships with girls? nine0003

Actually men often make very similar mistakes. Maybe it happens in the power of inexperience, maybe they just feel dominant. But what guys should be avoided when they meet or begin to communicate with the opposite sex?

1. Pay attention two girls at once.

It seems to be obviously, but, unfortunately, most guys are looking for a girl according to the principle: at least one should be lucky. This is definitely a failure, because the guy in this way gains a bad reputation for himself, and also, as they say, everything secret is always becomes clear. You shouldn't be an alpha male and think more girls you have, the worse. This is not true. nine0003

2. Forbid something girl.

Dear men, please don't forget that a woman is not your property. Never mind, how serious is the relationship between a guy and a girl, the young man does not no right to forbid something to his lady. For example, walking with friends, wear revealing things, brightly painted, chat with guy friends. This violates the girl's personal boundaries. If one of the partners does not like something, then it is necessary to discuss this and come to a mutual solution to the problem, and not to do scandal out of the blue. No one has ever liked such men. nine0003

3. Be pushy.

Yes, the girl likes it when a man takes the initiative, but if this initiative develops into importunity, every woman dreams of getting rid of such a burden. Important call and write to your girlfriend, asking how she is doing, but do not follow with her every step. Both partners have the right to have personal boundaries beyond which the other does not should step in.

4.Hurry relationship.

Now we will talk not just about sex, but about relationships in general. Guys like to rush somewhere, but, Unfortunately, most girls do not like to rush things. Especially if on a young man begins to press them. nine0003

And, yes, most guys only want sex, as sad as it sounds. Remember that neither one self-respecting girl won't jump into bed on the first date.

5. Treat the girl as a housewife.

Young people it is necessary not to forget that they have no right to tell the girl. She should not sit at home with the child, cook dinners and clean the apartment. AT society has entrenched such a stereotype that the fair sex - hearth keeper. She can bring comfort to the house and keep it in frequency and okay. And the man is the provider. He can only go to work and periodically do something in the house. But this is not the eighteenth century, people can do what want, regardless of gender. nine0003

6. Whining.

This item applies to men not because of their gender, but because no one a priori loves whiners, no matter what gender they are. Many girls are even scared of men who constantly talk about their problems and do nothing about them. By the way, There's a pretty fine line between whining and just telling a story. The man, who constantly complains about his life and does not want to do anything, does not want to decide his problems and just go with the flow - a whiner. The person who tells shares with his experiences, problems, simply needs support. nine0003

7. Devaluation of the girl's actions.

It's not just about about when a girl takes care of her boyfriend. Often guys they neglect a delicious dinner that a woman has prepared especially for them. It is worth appreciating such signs of attention.

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