Am i self destructive quiz

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What kind of a good girl are you? Take the test. What prevents you from loving yourself

Almost every modern woman has a "good girl". The one who does more for others than for herself. If this behavior becomes permanent, it gradually destroys. That's why it's worth figuring out what a good girl you are. What makes you act against yourself? Usually this is one of the established myths. How to deal with them?

Good girl myths are not fixed personality traits, but conditioned behavior programs. For some, the core myth changes with the context. Sometimes we overcome one myth, making room for another.

My friend said beautifully about this experience: "In school I was a fan of science, and logic was the Holy Grail for me. And I gave up on all this as soon as I started dancing. After college, I wanted to do modern dance, but with I thought in horror how I would tell my parents about it. As a result, I found a regular job from nine to five, that is, I succumbed to the rules. And when I outgrew this stage and had children, sacrifice came to the fore: this is how my mother lived, raising me and my brothers and sisters. " nine0005

The leading myth can only prevail in one of the spheres of life. For example, in professional activities we are perfectionists, but in personal relationships we try to maintain harmony. Sometimes it’s the other way around: at work we prefer to remain silent (harmony), and all decisions regarding our personal lives are made taking into account family and cultural expectations (rules).

The guiding myth can change even depending on the person we are talking to. If you are easily adaptable, then perhaps in some romantic or friendly relationships you sacrifice yourself (put yourself in last place), and in other respects you turn into a pragmatist and rely on logic. nine0005

Why you need to know your guiding myth

The guiding myth, changeable or permanent, needs to be understood in order to identify a self-destructive pattern in your life and correct course. The year I finished the draft of the book, I was physically and emotionally exhausted from the podcast, book, and coaching. I refused to take breaks and tried to squeeze even more things into my schedule instead of going to lunch.

After a few weeks of living in this mode, the body began to give alarm signals: the eyes closed all day, weakness, headaches and digestive problems appeared. I fell (once again) under the influence of my main myth - perfection. nine0005

But since this was not the first time, I quickly figured out that I needed to slow down. I made the difficult decision of emailing all my coaching clients to let them know that I was taking a recovery vacation in December and January. It was important for me to show that I am an imperfect person, vulnerable and not running from the truth. I suggested to clients that they stop coaching or continue it next year.

I also canceled all planned trips and meetings and explained why: I am on the verge of burnout due to my irrepressible desire to succeed (yes, I did!). And people appreciated my sincerity. nine0005

You can openly talk about your myth with people. Having slowed down, I recovered and looked at my ministry to women with a fresh look, found inspiration. Knowing ourselves, we more easily track the self-destructive pattern, catch ourselves in old habits and choose a different path.

Test: what a good girl you are

So, I suggest you take a test to find out how deeply and firmly these myths have ingrained into your life. Check the statements that most closely match your habitual behavior (“Most of the time I…”). If both options are suitable, try to choose the one that most accurately reflects reality. If it seems to you that none of the options is suitable, still choose the one that better describes your "I" in the past or the opinion of people around you about you. If you are still sure that none of the options is suitable, you can skip the questions, but no more than five. nine0005

1	B - I don't listen to my body during the day because I put my intellect first
2	E - I spend time and energy on others in accordance with my role and responsibilities as a mother, daughter, sister, partner, friend and employee C - I constantly touch my head and face when I think
3	E - I feel exhausted helping people or a cause in which I sincerely believe B - I criticize myself for mistakes
4	B - I avoid taking action because I don't like making mistakes, making bad decisions, or looking stupid E - Helping people even if they don't ask for help
5	E - I think of myself last D - I try my best to keep the peace
6	A - I avoid risky career steps, such as a new business or a long vacation B - I am on the verge of burnout because I strive to succeed in everything at once
7	B - I compete with others C - I do not trust my feelings because they are irrational
8	A - I ask others for advice, instead of thinking for myself D - I communicate with people who make me sad
9	B - I avoid tasks that I cannot solve yet D - I stay in a problematic relationship for longer than necessary
10	B - I feel that I'm not doing enough A - I can't distinguish my own desires from other people's expectations
11	E - I forget about my goal or task, because I throw all my energy into helping other people achieve their goal C - I am skeptical about magic and other inexplicable phenomena
12	A - I trust others more than myself E - I give a lot to others or to an important mission for me
13	D - I don't give people the feedback they need to hear E - I don't care about my health because I'm helping others or serving a meaningful purpose
14	D - I do not express my opinion about the situation quite frankly B - I strive to be the best in all roles - as a wife, mother, professional, etc. nine0041
15	B - I live with my head, not my heart D - I justify the bad behavior of others
16	A - Get irritated when people break rules or agreed process B - Solve problems with my head and don't get emotional
17	B - Super-successful in most (or all) areas of life A - Think I need additional training and accreditation before I can do what I want to do
18	B - I do not accept compromises and strive to do as much as possible C - I choose practical professions, rather than creative ones associated with feelings
19	C - I repent of my first reaction and scold myself for it B - I compare myself with others
20	B - Particularly successful in areas encouraged in school - mathematics, science and humanities - I try not to attach importance to what worries me
21	D - I keep my thoughts and opinions to myself when I'm afraid that they will anger or disappoint people C - I live only with my head, away from the body and its sensations
22	D - Avoid confrontation and difficult conversations A - Make specific plans so I know exactly what lies ahead
23	B - I make decisions based on logic, not intuition D - I underestimate my time compared to other people's time
24	B - I break my head over every decision, I analyze too much A - I do what they say
25	D - I try to make everyone get along B - I give the impression that many things come easy to me
26	D - I believe that I am obliged to fulfill the desires and realize the needs of other people A - I follow the rules, even imposed from the outside
27	D - I agree with people, although I really think otherwise E - I feel ashamed if something gives me pleasure
28	A - I am looking for a scheme of actions or instructions D - I hide my thoughts and feelings so as not to create problems in relationships
29	D - First I put on oxygen masks on other people, and then on myself B - I try not to look sloppy and sloppy in public
30	A Waiting or asking for permission before acting E Supporting others because I deeply empathize with their pain and difficulties

What myths were hidden under the letters?

• Rules = A
• Perfection = B
• Logic = C
• Harmony = D
• Sacrifice = D

Count how many times you circled each letter. Record the results as well as your observations and thoughts. nine0005

So, you have appreciated the influence of the good girl myths on your life. What do you think? Surprised by the results? Or vice versa? Maybe they confused you? Upset? Did you confirm what you already suspected?

If you can't pick one myth and two or three myths score about the same, don't worry. The leading myth will surely come up as you read the chapter on each myth separately. nine0005

If you suddenly feel uneasy, the thought appears that you are some kind of flawed person, then, firstly, such behavior is not your fault. Secondly, you are not alone: ​​thousands of women experience the same problems. This is our common problem.

And thirdly, don't forget that you are a strong woman and I will help you become even stronger. Realizing that you yourself are destroying your life, you can take responsibility and stop blaming everything on external circumstances.

Suppose I want to be a good girl, but why? Yes, just to be allowed to live and breathe!!! nine0005

When I was in the first grade, I realized that if you always do everything with A's, don't forget and don't be late, then you will be left alone and you can live half your life as you like. Read what you like, spit on the ceiling, even skip school and no one bothers you!

2021-08-16, Gilly

I studied at school for 4 and 5 if we take quarter / annual, and the current grades and 2 ki were also triples, no "ALWAYS everything is only 5", but they also left me alone, it allowed me 90% of life live as you like, read what you like, spit at the ceiling and sometimes even skip school

2021-08-17, Natalya d'*

And I don't believe in any "to my own detriment" at all. When we spend our time / energy / money / nerves on something, etc., we do it because we want (and get) something in return. A good reputation, a conscientious reputation, a loving reputation, etc.
It's just a barter like any other.

2021-08-16, Natalya d'*

Spending huge efforts to gain a reputation is somehow strange. That's definitely not worth it) No, it sits somewhere inside you. That itchy damn mosquito that says you have to take care of something, it's bad without you. And swatting this mosquito is very difficult. nine0005

2021-08-16, Anais

The author has not learned how to solve his problems, and therefore dissuades those around him from doing it. Otherwise, he, the author, will be offended :)))

2021-08-16, arte

Exactly. And I didn’t even wear a uniform in high school, which was unthinkable at that time. And nothing, no one even made a comment)

2021-08-17, Anais

So it's not a "must take care", kmk. It's "I want everyone around me to feel good, and I'm ready to invest in it"

2021-08-16, arte

Total 15 reviews Read all reviews.

The causes of self-destructive behavior must be sought in childhood / Psi-Technology.net

All human actions are driven by two instincts - the thirst for life and the fear of death - Sigmund Freud wrote about this at the beginning of the last century in his work "Sorrow and Melancholy". Freud believed that any unfortunate surprise from the series "Did not fit into the turn and earned a bump" is the suppressed energy of something unconscious, which found a way out in such a strange way. nine0005

The causes of self-destructive behavior must be sought in childhood

The father of psychoanalysis cited his patient as an example, a woman who really wanted to dance at a holiday, but her husband did not allow it - they say, there is nothing for a decent woman to jump in public. The next day she went horseback riding, fell and broke her leg. Unable to express her anger at her husband and the situation, she turned it on herself.

Pay attention, self-destructive actions are carried out at a completely unconscious level! For example, a person becomes ill and does not suspect that the disease is caused by himself. nine0008