What is the difference between agender and non binary


Agender vs. Nonbinary: Definitions, Identities, and Pronouns

“Agender” and “nonbinary” are terms that may describe a person’s experience of gender. They are often confused but have different definitions.

Your gender identity is your personal sense of your own gender.

Some people find that their gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth (typically male or female), which means they are cisgender. Others find that their gender does not align with their sex, which means they are transgender or nonbinary.

“Nonbinary” and “agender” — two identity terms that fall under the transgender umbrella — describe different experiences of gender:

  • Nonbinary. This means that your gender identity falls outside of the gender binary. You see yourself as neither exclusively a man nor a woman.
  • Agender. This means that you see yourself as having no gender identity, or a lack of gender. Agender identities fall under the nonbinary umbrella.

There are many gender identity terms. Some have overlapping definitions, so it can be tricky to know which terms to use. Finding a gender identity that feels right to you can be incredibly rewarding.

The gender binary is the idea that there are two separate genders: man and woman.

The idea of binary genders is dominant in Western societies, which is why people address groups as “ladies and gentlemen,” and why you usually see only two gender marker options on official forms.

However, across many cultures, people have gender identities that fall outside of this binary, such as two-spirit people in North American Navajo cultures and Hijras in South Asia.

“Nonbinary” is a term that can be used by anyone whose gender falls outside of the gender binary. People who identify as nonbinary don’t identify as only men or only women. Some nonbinary people use the term “enby,” a shortened form of nonbinary.

Nonbinary means different things to different people. Nonbinary people can experience gender in a variety of ways, including:

  • a combination of man and woman
  • neither man nor woman
  • something else

Nonbinary identities fall under the transgender umbrella. By definition, the term “transgender” means that your gender identity is not the same as the sex you were assigned at birth.

Some nonbinary people consider themselves transgender while others do not describe themselves in that way. It’s up to each person to determine which labels they’d like to use. It’s really a matter of personal identity.

The term “agender” means you don’t identify with any particular gender or see yourself as having no gender identity. Some people describe being agender as having a lack of gender, or being gender-neutral.

Agender identities fall under the nonbinary and transgender umbrellas.

That said, not all agender people identify as nonbinary. Some people argue that agender identities aren’t truly nonbinary gender identities because they describe a lack of gender identity rather than a gender identity that is outside the man-woman gender binary.

Again, it’s up to you to decide which terms apply to you. Some people identify exclusively as agender, and others identify as both agender and nonbinary.

Other terms that describe the agender experience include:

  • genderless
  • genderfree
  • genderblank
  • gendervoid
  • neutrois

Are sex and gender the same thing?

People often use the terms “sex” and “gender” interchangeably, but they have different meanings:

  • Sex refers to the physical characteristics that differentiate male, female, and intersex bodies.
  • Gender refers to a person’s identity and how they feel inside. Examples include man, woman, nonbinary, and agender. A person’s gender identity may be different from the sex they were assigned at birth.

“Nonbinary” is a term used to describe a gender identity that doesn’t fit into the man-woman gender binary. A person who uses the term “agender” sees themselves as having no gender identity.

Though nonbinary and agender identities are similar, the term “nonbinary” is broader and can describe other gender identities outside of agender.

Since everybody’s individual experience of their own identity is personal, there’s no way to quantify the number of gender identities in the world.

Some popular terms are useful for describing nonbinary identities. It’s up to you whether you want to use one, many, or none of them.

Nonbinary identities include:

  • Androgyne: a person whose gender identity has both masculine and feminine characteristics
  • Bigender: someone who identifies with two discrete genders
  • Demigender: someone who identifies partly as a man, boy, or masculine (demiboy) or partly as a woman or feminine (demigirl)
  • Genderqueer: people who experience their gender as neither exclusively man nor woman, which can encompass many other nonbinary identities
  • Genderfluid or genderflux: a person whose gender identity changes over time
  • Graygender: someone who feels ambivalent about their gender identity
  • Pangender or polygender: someone who experiences all, or many, gender identities either at the same time or over time

Gender identity differs from gender expression. Knowing someone’s gender identity doesn’t necessarily tell you anything about their gender expression or vice versa.

While gender identity refers to your personal sense of self, gender expression is the way you express your gender identity or present yourself to the world. Your gender expression might match your gender identity — or it might not.

In other words, you can’t tell how someone identifies just from the way they dress or act, or the roles they take on.

Nonbinary and agender people can use any pronouns they wish. While the pronouns they/them/their are commonly associated with nonbinary identities, people might use other pronouns or multiple pronouns.

Simply put, nonbinary and agender people can use any pronouns that feel right. Many nonbinary and agender people use the pronouns she/her/hers or he/him/his.

There are other pronouns that someone might use. These can include:

  • they/them/theirs
  • xe/xir/xyr
  • ze/hir/hirs
  • ey/em/eir
  • ze/hir/hirs
  • ze/zir/zirs
  • xe/xem/xyrs

Some people may prefer to use a mix of pronouns, such as she/they. Some people change the pronouns they use over time.

If you’re unsure which pronouns someone uses, consider asking them politely and without judgment.

Many people believe that agender people fall under the nonbinary umbrella. While some agender people consider themselves nonbinary, others do not. It’s up to you to decide how you’d like to describe your gender identity.

No matter how someone identifies, they deserve to have their gender identity respected. This includes using the correct pronouns for them. Healthline has a helpful guide on talking with transgender people in a respectful way.

If you’re nonbinary, agender, or both and you need mental health support, Psych Central has a guide to trans-friendly support hotlines.

Resources

Want to learn more? Some useful resources include:

  • “64 Terms That Describe Gender Identity and Expression“
  • “How to Support Your Child Exploring Their Gender Identity“
  • PFLAG: Nonbinary Resources
  • The Trevor Project: A Guide to Being an Ally to Transgender and Nonbinary Youth
  • GLAAD Transgender Resources
  • All Your Questions About Gender Neutral Pronouns Answered

Agender vs.

Nonbinary: Definitions, Identities, and Pronouns

“Agender” and “nonbinary” are terms that may describe a person’s experience of gender. They are often confused but have different definitions.

Your gender identity is your personal sense of your own gender.

Some people find that their gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth (typically male or female), which means they are cisgender. Others find that their gender does not align with their sex, which means they are transgender or nonbinary.

“Nonbinary” and “agender” — two identity terms that fall under the transgender umbrella — describe different experiences of gender:

  • Nonbinary. This means that your gender identity falls outside of the gender binary. You see yourself as neither exclusively a man nor a woman.
  • Agender. This means that you see yourself as having no gender identity, or a lack of gender. Agender identities fall under the nonbinary umbrella.

There are many gender identity terms. Some have overlapping definitions, so it can be tricky to know which terms to use. Finding a gender identity that feels right to you can be incredibly rewarding.

The gender binary is the idea that there are two separate genders: man and woman.

The idea of binary genders is dominant in Western societies, which is why people address groups as “ladies and gentlemen,” and why you usually see only two gender marker options on official forms.

However, across many cultures, people have gender identities that fall outside of this binary, such as two-spirit people in North American Navajo cultures and Hijras in South Asia.

“Nonbinary” is a term that can be used by anyone whose gender falls outside of the gender binary. People who identify as nonbinary don’t identify as only men or only women. Some nonbinary people use the term “enby,” a shortened form of nonbinary.

Nonbinary means different things to different people. Nonbinary people can experience gender in a variety of ways, including:

  • a combination of man and woman
  • neither man nor woman
  • something else

Nonbinary identities fall under the transgender umbrella. By definition, the term “transgender” means that your gender identity is not the same as the sex you were assigned at birth.

Some nonbinary people consider themselves transgender while others do not describe themselves in that way. It’s up to each person to determine which labels they’d like to use. It’s really a matter of personal identity.

The term “agender” means you don’t identify with any particular gender or see yourself as having no gender identity. Some people describe being agender as having a lack of gender, or being gender-neutral.

Agender identities fall under the nonbinary and transgender umbrellas.

That said, not all agender people identify as nonbinary. Some people argue that agender identities aren’t truly nonbinary gender identities because they describe a lack of gender identity rather than a gender identity that is outside the man-woman gender binary.

Again, it’s up to you to decide which terms apply to you. Some people identify exclusively as agender, and others identify as both agender and nonbinary.

Other terms that describe the agender experience include:

  • genderless
  • genderfree
  • genderblank
  • gendervoid
  • neutrois

Are sex and gender the same thing?

People often use the terms “sex” and “gender” interchangeably, but they have different meanings:

  • Sex refers to the physical characteristics that differentiate male, female, and intersex bodies.
  • Gender refers to a person’s identity and how they feel inside. Examples include man, woman, nonbinary, and agender. A person’s gender identity may be different from the sex they were assigned at birth.

“Nonbinary” is a term used to describe a gender identity that doesn’t fit into the man-woman gender binary. A person who uses the term “agender” sees themselves as having no gender identity.

Though nonbinary and agender identities are similar, the term “nonbinary” is broader and can describe other gender identities outside of agender.

Since everybody’s individual experience of their own identity is personal, there’s no way to quantify the number of gender identities in the world.

Some popular terms are useful for describing nonbinary identities. It’s up to you whether you want to use one, many, or none of them.

Nonbinary identities include:

  • Androgyne: a person whose gender identity has both masculine and feminine characteristics
  • Bigender: someone who identifies with two discrete genders
  • Demigender: someone who identifies partly as a man, boy, or masculine (demiboy) or partly as a woman or feminine (demigirl)
  • Genderqueer: people who experience their gender as neither exclusively man nor woman, which can encompass many other nonbinary identities
  • Genderfluid or genderflux: a person whose gender identity changes over time
  • Graygender: someone who feels ambivalent about their gender identity
  • Pangender or polygender: someone who experiences all, or many, gender identities either at the same time or over time

Gender identity differs from gender expression. Knowing someone’s gender identity doesn’t necessarily tell you anything about their gender expression or vice versa.

While gender identity refers to your personal sense of self, gender expression is the way you express your gender identity or present yourself to the world. Your gender expression might match your gender identity — or it might not.

In other words, you can’t tell how someone identifies just from the way they dress or act, or the roles they take on.

Nonbinary and agender people can use any pronouns they wish. While the pronouns they/them/their are commonly associated with nonbinary identities, people might use other pronouns or multiple pronouns.

Simply put, nonbinary and agender people can use any pronouns that feel right. Many nonbinary and agender people use the pronouns she/her/hers or he/him/his.

There are other pronouns that someone might use. These can include:

  • they/them/theirs
  • xe/xir/xyr
  • ze/hir/hirs
  • ey/em/eir
  • ze/hir/hirs
  • ze/zir/zirs
  • xe/xem/xyrs

Some people may prefer to use a mix of pronouns, such as she/they. Some people change the pronouns they use over time.

If you’re unsure which pronouns someone uses, consider asking them politely and without judgment.

Many people believe that agender people fall under the nonbinary umbrella. While some agender people consider themselves nonbinary, others do not. It’s up to you to decide how you’d like to describe your gender identity.

No matter how someone identifies, they deserve to have their gender identity respected. This includes using the correct pronouns for them. Healthline has a helpful guide on talking with transgender people in a respectful way.

If you’re nonbinary, agender, or both and you need mental health support, Psych Central has a guide to trans-friendly support hotlines.

Resources

Want to learn more? Some useful resources include:

  • “64 Terms That Describe Gender Identity and Expression“
  • “How to Support Your Child Exploring Their Gender Identity“
  • PFLAG: Nonbinary Resources
  • The Trevor Project: A Guide to Being an Ally to Transgender and Nonbinary Youth
  • GLAAD Transgender Resources
  • All Your Questions About Gender Neutral Pronouns Answered

What non-binary people are silent about - Delo.

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The story of Loki von Dorn

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Loki von Dorn, androgynous, blogger, model, animal rights activist, founder of the Dnipro Social Development Club. Since childhood, Loki did not fit into the standards imposed by society - "pink and dolls - for girls, blue and cars - for boys." For some time now, he has considered himself a non-binary person. What is it like to live outside the binary system in Ukraine? And why does Loki talk today about the problems faced by people who do not identify themselves as either men or women?

Loki, let's start by explaining what a non-binary person is?

Non-binary people (hereinafter referred to as NB-people) are everyone whose gender identity is outside the binary gender system. That is, these are people who do not feel like exclusively a woman or exclusively a man. These are people who go beyond the standard "he" and "she" role models. People who feel that they cannot limit themselves to a pink or blue box.

Are agender and a non-binary person identical concepts?

An agender is one of the non-binary gender identities, a person who does not identify with any gender at all. In total, there are from four to several dozen non-binary gender identities.

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Who are you?

I am androgynous. This is a person who harmoniously combines feminine and masculine features, mentally located between a man and a woman. For me, this is not just self-determination, but also a lifestyle. I am a model and blogger, queer activist and animal rights activist, I have worked and plan to continue working in the media, the creator of an educational project, and the organizer of many charity events and protests. I am a public person and do not hide my identity. Thus, on the one hand, I increase the visibility of non-binary people in Ukrainian society, on the other hand, I inspire other transgender people to a more open and visible life and work.

At what point did you realize that you are a non-binary person?

For as long as I can remember, I have never fit into the standards of behavior or self-determination of one of the two sexes. I was interested in weapons with cars, and dolls with animals, my games, hobbies and actions could never be called unequivocally "boyish" or "girlish". I was strong and assertive and able to adapt and find compromises. From early childhood, I was not able to 100% fit into any of the gender camps. I understood that I was just as different from the generally accepted concept of "girl" as I was from "boy". And I will never be completely one or the other.

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How did your environment react to such self-identification?

My inner circle has never shown aggression or hostility in this regard. At first it might have been fear. I suspect that I may have been considered ill or unhappy. Sometimes I heard something like: "Don't fool around, don't talk nonsense, everything is fine with you, you are a normal person of your gender."

I know for sure that I was misunderstood. But my relatives continue to love me and try not to touch this topic. I do not give in and ask to address myself exactly as I feel comfortable, I always correct. Some try to address me correctly, some deliberately balk and do not recognize my right. If we talk about acquaintances, then many simply stopped communicating without explaining the reasons. Perhaps for some of them my self-determination was so incomprehensible or disgusting that they chose to cut the connection. There were friends who directly said that this was unpleasant for them, religious beliefs did not allow, they would never be able to treat me or treat me the way I want. And I do not regret our parting, because spending time and moral resources on people who do not want to develop and keep up with the times is a real waste. And life shows that there are enough successful, culturally oriented people in the world who can perceive you adequately and be able to evaluate actions and human qualities, pushing back the veil of imposed prejudices.

Now there are very strange people from the LGBTIQ environment who immediately begin to insist that I call myself incorrectly, they try to ask for my "real" name, as if my name cannot be real, some even deliberately misgender (incorrect and intentional / not deliberate use of pronouns that do not correspond to gender identity - approx.), And then they begin to make excuses. And here the main thing is not to cut off the shoulder, but to try to understand how naive a person is in the matter of self-determination and gender, or is it just a notorious troll in front of you. I always go to meet those who really have not encountered anything like this, who are able to hear and perceive information, to expand their horizons. After all, my task, among other things, is to show that I am not afraid of anything and that I am quite healthy, to tell more people about my existence, until the embittered supporters of the "bright" past did it. Such people apologize, ask questions, adjust. However, this is normal behavior for a non-conflicting psychologically mature person - to make some concessions and mutually respect each other's features. If a mockery is clearly read in the words and tone of the interlocutor, then I do not waste time and emotional resources on such people, but immediately weed them out. Dealing with their complexes and teaching to perceive the world as it is is the task of a certain specialist.

Are there any statistics on how many people in the world, and in particular in Ukraine, classify themselves as non-binary people?

There are no such statistics in Ukraine. LGBT organizations conduct various surveys about transgender people, but non-binary people are often either simply forgotten there, or questionnaires are designed so that non-binary people cannot answer questions according to their experience and self-perception. Once it even turned into a large-scale scandal within the community.

In the UK, one of the non-binary activists annually conducts an online survey about the terms and pronouns that NB people prefer to call themselves, at the same time counting their number. Over 11,000 people took part in the survey last year.

In the United States, non-binary identities are included in federal statistical surveys of transgender people. In the latest study (2015-2016), 27,700 people took part, of which 35% identified themselves as non-binary.

In fact, I'm sure there are more non-binary people than anyone can imagine. It may seem to someone that their number is growing, that it is fashionable. Many will be surprised how many non-binary people actually turn out to be among the so-called cisgender men and women (cisgender is a person whose gender identity and gender expression matches his biological sex - approx.). It seems so because earlier people did not have the opportunity to realize themselves, to admit that you can be just a person, something more than a set of genital organs and the role model associated with them in society.

From my experience of communicating with cisgender people who are not obsessed with the myth "men are from Mars, women are from Venus", I can say that their worldview and self-perception are very similar to mine. These conditional rules, boring restrictions and discriminatory games of different sexes are unpleasant for them.

What does it mean to be a non-binary person in Ukraine? What difficulties do they face?

A non-binary person in Ukrainian society, in fact, has no place of his own. Many of us experience constant misgendering, that is, treatment in a way that is not pleasant and consistent with self-definition. Legally, non-binary people are not represented in our country, since only female or male sex can be in documents. We can only change the first and last name to gender-neutral ones, but in any case, the patronymic, which clearly defines the assigned gender, will remain in place. Thus, non-binary people are forced to either make a transgender transition if they are largely dissatisfied with the assigned gender, or put up with their female or male body and socialization. It is society that pushes non-binary people with its rejection and disrespectful attitude towards people with different views on "sex change". In order to stop misgendering and at least begin to call in the correct gender, a person is often forced to accept the gender role of the opposite biological sex. This is due to the fact that we basically lack a culture of mutual understanding and polite treatment. A person is forced to go to physiological experiments for the sake of acceptance in society and at least some kind of socialization.

Only two US states and Canada have the ability to change gender in documents to "third" now.

What is the right way to address non-binary people? What to do if at the first meeting the interlocutor does not understand whether this person is non-binary or not, how to behave so as not to hurt or offend?

Any person should be addressed with "you". Addressing "you" in Russian and Ukrainian is the very gender-neutral form of address that is currently acceptable in our society. And then you should ask the question "In what way should I address you? How can I call you?"

If communication has begun and the person is correcting you, then listen and use the address that he asks for, even if it seems to you that the appearance or voice does not correspond to this. Perhaps you already know a person who talks about himself in an unusual way for you, but you continued to call him according to his gender. Listen, ask. Communication should not be comfortable only for you.

I noticed, including on your Facebook page, that some non-binary people use masculine words, and I also came across posts where people write through the bottom dash. Is it somehow unified within the community?

In Russian and Ukrainian, most of the words have a gender category, so it is much more difficult for us to communicate with people than, for example, English speakers. In English, the singular pronoun they, which many non-binary people use about themselves, became the word of the year in 2015 - the ideas of non-binary are becoming more widespread and recognized in the West. In Ukraine, there are no uniform rules for addressing such people. Many people use gender gaps in written texts - the very underscores, thanks to which two grammatical genders are placed in one word at the same time (he_a, the participant of the event said_a). Some write and speak of themselves in the neuter gender, or use either masculine or feminine.

I use the masculine gender for myself because my gender identity is androgyne, just like the word "man" in Russian is masculine. I have no prejudice against words of various grammatical genders that can be used to refer to people of any gender or gender, such as "person", "personality", "person".

Many non-binary, in order not to create problems for themselves in society, continue to call themselves in the gender that corresponds to the sex assigned at birth. So they avoid conflicts with relatives, problems with employment and avoid unnecessary questions. Why can a non-binary person talk about himself in the opposite gender of the assigned gender? Because in this way he seeks to emphasize that he does not belong to that role model, to that gender that can be read outwardly. If a person speaks of himself in the masculine gender, this may mean the statement: "I am not a woman" or a person speaking in the feminine gender - "I am not a man." This does not necessarily mean that they feel they are of the opposite gender. Thus, they deny their belonging to a particular gender and role model.

Are there specialists in Ukraine who can provide qualitative help to understand a non-binary person, and not "treat"?

Psychology in our country is still quite a young discipline, people are just learning to understand, hear, and recognize. Especially at the rudimentary level, working with people who do not meet so often, and even hide, are afraid of negative perception and that very “treatment” - “feel like a woman”, “feel like a real man”. LGBT organizations collaborate with psychotherapists who are themselves part of the community, and if you need the help of a friendly psychotherapist, you can look for him through these channels.

I myself am now collaborating with psychotherapists in my educational field, and I was a discovery for them, an opportunity to learn something new and the need to get used to the fact that this is normal, that I should be perceived as I am, and not look for reasons in childhood or failure in the opposite sex.

If non-binary people do not identify themselves as either male or female, then why do they take hormone therapy? What is the difference between being transgender and non-binary then?

Not all non-binary hormones are accepted. Those who do this are trying, as I said above, to get rid of the characteristic features of the assigned sex, to become more "between". Non-binary people are transgender people, that is, those whose gender identity does not match the sex assigned at birth. But binary transgenders want to move from one gender to the opposite, and nonbinary transgenders have many other options.

Hormone therapy helps to achieve a balance on the verge between when people cannot determine your gender by appearance and stop measuring you by biological parameters.

What is the sexual orientation of a non-binary person?

I prefer terms that exclude the gender of the person who is sexually attracted from the concept of sexual orientation. For example, any person who prefers a female body or feminine behavior in a partner can be called a gynephile (gynephilia - from the words "woman" and "love"), and who prefers a masculine or masculine behavior - an androphile. There is also bisexuality and pansexuality, in which the gender of the bearer of orientation is also not read. Usually non-binary people refer to themselves by one of these terms.

In general, the concept of sexual orientation is now losing its meaning, since the boundaries of gender identity have greatly expanded. Every year, several new terms appear to refer to variations in sexual orientation.

How is a non-binary identity expressed in an external image?

A non-binary person does not seek to emphasize their sexual characteristics. They do not have to be hidden, because the body type and figure do not always allow you to do it perfectly or without grueling diets, workouts or operations. However, focusing on one's gender is part of the ritual of flirting in a binary society, where people seek to create or increase even minor differences between the sexes. A non-binary person does not want to be measured by the parameters of the two poles. It harmoniously combines both or generally remains neutral.

I find it unacceptable in a non-binary style to have anything that refers to the notorious feminine or masculine sexuality. These are frank outfits, for example, with a neckline or a short skirt, certain styles of dresses, classic men's suits and shoes, any thing with the explicit purpose of drawing attention to sexuality or emphasizing the traditional understanding of gender role (girls are modest, in ruffles and bows, light, boys - in practical, dark, with sharp silhouettes and lines). There are unisex clothes, there are quite a lot of them, including in the collections of Ukrainian designers. Even binary things can be harmoniously combined, for example, wearing a skirt over trousers, the main thing is not to go too far with going to one side. However, if a person seeks to neutralize too prominent feminine or masculine features of his figure, it is quite possible to use more "opposite" elements or details.

Do you know cases when children in Ukraine identify themselves as non-binary?

Many children and teenagers are looking for themselves, identify themselves with the characters of their favorite works. Some of them eventually come to realize their non-binary gender identity, for others it remains just a game. I talked with such children, many were interested in these issues. There are even cases when, thanks to communication with me, people were able to make up their minds, answer important questions for themselves, understand what the root of the problems is, accept themselves and learn to live with it.

Parents tend to perceive attempts to talk very aggressively, especially if they are religious people. They begin to close themselves off from information, and just a minute ago, friendly polite communication develops into a conflict with their established worldview. Although it is parents and teachers who should get acquainted with the information and options for self-identification and human development. Fortunately, there are LGBT educators or just young progressive teachers who are ready to accept any student's self-determination. They are the ones you can and should work with.

What stereotypes from society about non-binary people annoy you the most?

What irritates me more is that people turn away from information, from the real state of affairs, reject the truth, hiding behind their religious and pseudo-traditional blinkers, fight with themselves, with their children, continue to insist that something is unnatural. In fact, such people are far from science and certainly not interested in the latest research, the benefits and results of non-gender education. They just don't understand what they are talking about. Such people want to either help stop offending others, or make it clear that not everything is as scary as they imagine. It is the height of ignorance and puritanism that people who actually bring or could bring great benefit to humanity are not considered people because of self-determination and offered to be treated.

Have you personally experienced stigmatization from society?

Recently, in the comments to an article about a rather high-profile action in which I participated, they called me a "sexless being". This is not offensive, as it roughly describes the real situation, albeit in a disparaging tone. This indicates the ignorance of specific people. Perhaps they thought it would offend me. On the contrary, for me to look like a sexless creature is very cool!

I am trying to form transphobes (those who are hostile towards transgender people - approx.) and haters, to come to a constructive dialogue. Often they really do not know what they are faced with, so it is better to explain, because it is precisely because of the lack of information that conflicts and misunderstandings occur. If the case takes an aggressive turn, I am always ready to defend myself and defend my rights, which I advise other people to do as well - to fight back, not to be afraid and not to hide.

In your opinion, how can transphobia be combated in Ukrainian society?

To combat transphobia, educational programs, clarifying information, a positive image of a non-binary person in culture and media are needed. Such people should work on an equal footing with cisgender people in all areas in order to show their adequacy and not the worst qualifications and talents. Of course, legislative protection is needed in case some tyrant boss or especially notorious people in the team start harassing.

Why are you talking to me today about your experiences and your history? Why are you not silent?

It was thanks to those who were not silent that we learned about the horrors of domestic violence, disappearances or executions. There is nothing shockingly terrible in my story, although I experienced all possible types of discrimination, because I did not fit into many of the so-called norms of post-Soviet society.

I want to say that even if you had to endure all this, this is not a reason to stop. When you are confident in yourself and your position, you know what you want from life and where you are striving, you will be listened to, you will be reckoned with. When I meet new business partners, I never apologize for who I am. I introduce myself and introduce people to what I have to offer. And it is this value that interests them in the first place.

I think there are people with a certain level of tolerance or at least a neutral attitude towards anything unusual in all social circles. It is important for them what kind of person you are, an employee, whether it is possible to deal with you. And I absolutely do not care what they think about my self-determination. It is important for me that I be addressed in a certain way and that we can interact. If you have something to share with the outside world, there is not emptiness and indifference inside you, your acquaintances themselves will begin to create and spread your positive image. And so more and more people will be convinced that an unusual person can be trusted, there is nothing negative in him, and fears have not been justified.

This is my experience that helped me realize my projects, get on the path to achieving my goals, find educated and understanding associates, and which I want to share with other non-binary people. How else will people know that you are like this and that it's okay? This needs to be talked about, it will not always be pleasant and will not always give a successful result. But in the end, you will be able to find your niche and feel like yourself, and not wear a disgusting mask forever. You will pave the way for others who have not yet realized their true identity.

Interviewed by Tanya Kasyan. Illustrated by Marie Kinovich

Read also: What people living with drug addiction are silent about

Beyond gender and gender: who are non-binary people

A certain number of people today declare that they definitely do not consider themselves men or women. The sets of characteristics and behaviors fixed to each of the sexes do not allow them to feel comfortable in society. They think in terms of personality, not gender and social roles. We are talking about non-binary people.

For example, in Sweden both men and women are called neutral pronouns. In Argentina, the third version of the floor is allowed “ I do not want to define ”, and Germany will come to this by the end of the year. The theme of non-binary entered popular culture as well – a year ago, in the American TV series “Billions”, for the first time in the history of television, characters with a non-binary identity were shown.

WHO ARE SEX AND GENDER DENIAL PEOPLE?

“I feel comfortable being addressed in the feminine gender, but I don't have a gender. There are transgender people whose assigned biological sex at birth does not match their gender, a social construct. In theory, I fall under this term, but I don’t consider myself a trans community ,” says Katya Shilova , a non-binary person.

Katya Shilova

Non-binary people, or genderqueers, do not fit into the generally accepted system of two sexes. In such a system, gender expression that does not coincide with the standard ideas of male and female is prohibited. The general term non-binary also includes other people who identify themselves as agender or genderless (deny gender identity), androgynes (balance on the verge between male and female), bigenders (feel themselves either in the female or in the male field), gender fluids (“swim ” between all possible genera).

It is unknown how many non-binary people there are in the world. “We can only talk about the number of transgender people. Estimates at the global level show that they represent up to 1.1% of the adult population of reproductive age . Speaking about Ukraine, we can rely on the average number - 0. 5%”, - states Igor Medved , coordinator of the human rights organization HPLGBT.

Katya Shilova spent four years trying to feel comfortable in her non-binary status. At the age of 15, she fell in love with a girl. I couldn't take it for six months. She typed in a search engine “how to get rid of homosexuality”. But with the support of friends, she began to understand herself and study gender theory.

“I found out that there are transgender people, and I thought that if I don't fall under everything feminine, then I must be a transgender guy. I was still trying to fit into the binary system. But when she tried on a male identity, she did not feel comfortable. And at some point I realized that it’s easier for me to talk about who I am not, and that the category of gender doesn’t suit me in principle,” says Katya.

“I DON'T WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH MY GENDER SIGNS”

The main problem of a non-binary person is that they try to put him into one of two categories, asking “are you a girl or a boy?”. But there is no correct answer to this question. Loki J von Dorn is sure of this - an activist, creator of the Nonbinary.UA community, in which nonbinary people can learn more about themselves.

“The last thing I would like is to be associated with my sexual characteristics and to be emphasized in all public places, like when you have to choose a locker room or a toilet - male or female” - says he is .

Loki says that he lives in discrimination every day, since his identity is invisible and absent in Ukrainian reality: “There are always people who deliberately challenge my right to self-identification and insist on their desire to call me whatever they want, and on what is right.”

Loki J von Dorn

Loki uses the masculine pronoun when referring to himself. But in the future, he would like not to receive questions about his gender at all, and to be perceived as a person in the first place.

HOW TO SPEAK TO NON-BINARY PEOPLE?

Non-binary people experience misgendering on a daily basis: when they are called by different pronouns than they use for themselves. However, in many countries there are universal appeals that Ukraine could borrow.

For example, most non-binary people in the UK prefer to refer to themselves as “they/them”. In English, these pronouns are widely used in relation to all people. Let's take a situation when a school announces the arrival of a new teacher, but who it is - a man or a woman - is not yet known. In English they would say: “We have a new teacher. They will come tomorrow.” Which in translation reads: “We have a new teacher. They will come tomorrow.” This does not mean that the teacher is a non-binary person, but only that it is not yet known what gender he is. And for the English language so familiar.

At the same time, Sweden banned the generic pronouns “han/he” and “hon/she”. Regardless of gender, everyone became “hen”, that is, a neutral gender. A publication from the Swedish Institute explains:

“Proponents argue that the word “hen” avoids referring only to a specific gender or using the restrictive he/she forms, as well as expanding the language for those who may not consider themselves male or female, or those who do not want to be addressed on the basis of gender”.

In Argentina and Nepal, a third gender was introduced in official documents - there is “he”, “she” and “I don’t want to define”. In Germany, before the end of 2018, amendments to the Constitution will be made, which imply the possibility of indicating in documents a different gender marker, except for male and female.

There is also a known case in Canada when an 8-month-old baby was first issued a medical card without specifying the gender. Cyril Utley was born in November 2016 in British Columbia. The parent of the child, Corey Doty, does not consider himself to be either a woman or a man. He wants the child to consciously choose his gender identity. On the child’s medical record, in the column “gender”, they wrote the Latin letter U, which can mean either “indefinite” (undetermined) or “unidentified” (unassigned). Corey Doty is also trying to get the authorities to stop the baby's gender from being listed on the birth certificate.

In the Ukrainian and Russian languages, the culture of addressing non-binary people has not yet been formed.


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