What is being lovesick

Signs, What to Do, More

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Love can feel pretty wonderful — when all goes well, that is.

If your romance follows a rockier path, you might notice your inner compass needle swinging more toward abject misery than euphoric joy.

Maybe you haven’t yet found the courage to confess your love, or you have summoned the strength to share your feelings, only to face rejection.

Perhaps you’ve fallen for a person you know you can’t be with, like your boss or a friend’s partner, or someone you just know will never return your feelings.

An unexpected and unwanted breakup can also give rise to emotional turmoil and physical distress.

Any of these situations can leave you feeling somewhat unwell in mind and body. For example:

  • You can’t eat or sleep.
  • Your emotions show up way more intensely than usual.
  • You just can’t concentrate on anything except the person you love, even if they don’t return your feelings or (worse yet) have absolutely no idea how you feel.

Sound familiar? Here’s a possible diagnosis: Lovesickness.

Below, you’ll find more details on exactly what it means to be lovesick and what you can do to recover.

People use the term lovesick in different ways.

You might hear it used to describe the range of feelings that accompany the early stages of being in love, such as:

  • excitement
  • lust
  • euphoria
  • jealousy
  • attachment
  • irrational or impulsive urges

These effects of love usually go by another name, though — we’ll get into that in more detail below.

Lovesickness generally refers to the more unpleasant aspects of love.

This ailment involves all those unwanted feelings you might experience when your passion doesn’t play out as planned, without the enjoyable effects of a mutual attachment.

It’s natural to feel sad and disappointed when you like someone who doesn’t feel the same way. The pain and frustration of heartbreak or unrequited love affects everyone differently, but the sting often lessens within a few weeks or months.

Not everyone coping with rejection will become lovesick, but you can often recognize the condition by its more intense symptoms.

The effects of lovesickness might stick around until they begin to affect your day-to-day life, and these symptoms can have a very real impact on your health and wellness.

And then there’s limerence

Some people also use the term lovesickness to refer to a phenomenon known as limerence.

Psychologist and professor Dorothy Tennov pioneered the research on this condition, introducing the term in her book “Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love.”

Tennov defines limerence as an involuntary fixation on another person. This fixation can feel a lot like love, but it has more of an obsessive component.

In a state of limerence, you desperately long for the other person to return your feelings and feel terrified they’ll reject you. Your mood often depends on how they treat you.

If they smile or speak to you, you might feel on top of the world. If they ignore you or seem indifferent, you might feel distressed or physically pained.

Other key symptoms of limerence include:

  • intrusive or obsessive thoughts
  • shyness around the person
  • a tendency to focus only on their positive traits
  • physical symptoms like sweating, dizziness, a pounding heart, insomnia, and appetite changes

Lovesickness is nothing new. This malady dates back to some of the earliest writings, in fact, though it sometimes went by different names.

You’ll find descriptions of the condition in ancient medical texts and classical literature, from Greek philosophy to Shakespeare to Jane Austen.

Research traces the concept of lovesickness to Hippocrates, who believed that lovesickness, like other illnesses, resulted from an excess or imbalance of certain bodily humors.

Galen, another notable ancient physician, was one of the first to diagnose lovesickness and other conditions where physical symptoms resulted from emotional causes.

From culture to culture and era to era, the general symptoms of lovesickness remain much the same.

If you’re lovesick, you’ll probably notice some of the following signs:

  • insomnia
  • loss of appetite
  • restlessness
  • flushed or feverish skin
  • racing pulse, pounding heart, or unusually rapid breathing when thinking about the person
  • dizziness, shakiness, or weak knees when encountering them
  • pain or tension in your head or chest
  • nausea or stomach distress
  • increased tearfulness, or the sense you’re constantly on the verge of tears

You might also notice mood changes brought on by thoughts of the person you love.

Your emotions might range from a general sense of longing to frustration, anger, nervousness, and anxiety, and sometimes even hopelessness and despair.

Languishing over lost love can leave you feeling pretty rotten, to the point where you might begin to wonder whether you’re coming down with some type of flu.

Running a fever, which can sometimes happen with lovesickness, might only reinforce your concerns.

Love can’t give you the flu. But the hormone fluctuations associated with love and heartbreak — particularly the stress hormone cortisol — can prompt physical symptoms that affect your long-term health.

Lovesickness can also make you sick indirectly. A lack of sleep, good nutrition, or adequate hydration can absolutely worsen your health.

What’s more, changes in mood, such as irritability or a general sense of melancholy, can begin to affect your relationships with others or your performance at work and school.

Difficulties in these areas of life can eventually increase stress and affect your health, especially if your thoughts of love get in the way of regular self-care.

Serious cases of lovesickness can get intense. You might have trouble talking about anything besides the person you love and the relationship you want to develop.

Lovesickness can make it hard to concentrate and distract you from your responsibilities. You might forget important appointments, chores, errands, or plans with friends.

It’s also common to feel anxious about the outcome of your love.

Lovesickness can also involve difficulty getting over someone after they reject you.

Whether that’s an ex-partner who ended your relationship or someone you fell for who didn’t return your love, trouble moving on from the heartbreak could prompt feelings of melancholy or depression. Some people even have thoughts of suicide.

For those in the throes of limerence, persistent intrusive thoughts can fuel anxiety and rumination.

Some people attempt to resolve these thoughts with avoidance strategies or compulsive behaviors. These might seem to offer some temporary relief, but they generally won’t help long term.

Lovestruck and lovesick aren’t entirely unrelated concepts, but they do refer to separate states.

Falling in love prompts your brain to ramp up production of certain hormones, including dopamine, oxytocin, and norepinephrine.

So you’ll probably experience some level of surging emotions and temporary changes in mood and behavior as a natural consequence of falling head over heels.

When this happens, people might say you’re lovestruck or struck by Cupid’s arrow. (Cher and Nicolas Cage offer another name for this state of mind: “Moonstruck.”)

Lovesickness, on the other hand, tends to follow heartbreak, rejection, or unrequited love, so it carries more of a negative connotation. It might also involve mental health symptoms, including anxiety and depression.

Not everyone who falls in love will experience lovesickness, even after rejection, but some degree of lovestruck-ness is pretty universal — everyone has hormones, after all.

The early stages of a relationship usually involve some degree of infatuation. For example:

  • You think about your partner nonstop and feel euphoric when you’re together.
  • They seem like the most amazing person in the world — you even find their quirks endearing.
  • When you have to take a break from each other to attend to the responsibilities of daily life, you think about them so intently you have very little brain space left for what you’re supposed to be doing.
  • You might notice some forgetfulness, increased energy, and less of a need for sleep or food.
  • Friends and loved ones might say you seem distracted or beg you to stop talking about them forjust 10 minutes, please.”

This fixation can show up in physical ways, too.

You might notice signs of arousal as soon as you see them or, let’s be honest, whenever you think about them or remember your last encounter. When together, you might find it impossible to keep your hands off each other (or make it out of bed).

All of these things usually feel pretty good, and most people enjoy being in the honeymoon phase.

This stage can last anywhere from a few weeks to several months, but it usually passes once the relationship stabilizes and things become a little less rosy and a little more realistic.

If you think lovesickness sounds pretty awful, you might wonder whether pursuing love is really worth it.

Finding real, sustainable love can take time and effort, but romance isn’t all rejection and misery.

Each time you develop a crush or more intense liking for someone and follow up on those feelings by confessing your love, you’re making an attempt to find the romantic connection you desire.

You may not find this love without running the risk of potential rejection. For many people, the eventual outcome of lasting love is worth the risk of potential rejection or lovesickness.

Even if your crush doesn’t pan out, it may not necessarily feel bad. People who love the butterflies, energy boost, and euphoria that accompany their crushes might feel pretty fantastic in the thick of a crush.

Crushes can also teach you more about what you want (and don’t want) in a romantic partner. They can also lead to new friends.

Sometimes, the romance flops, but you find yourself connecting with your ex-crush in a completely platonic — but still rewarding — way.

In spite of lovesickness’ lengthy history, experts have yet to discover any real cure. Absent a vaccine or other quick fix, you’re left in the healing hands of time itself.

Lovesickness generally does ease eventually, much like the common cold. Here’s what you can do in the meantime to get some relief.

Embrace your creativity

Turn your feelings into something tangible by getting in touch with your creative side.

Art, journaling, poetry or short-story writing, and making music are all great ways to experience and express difficult emotions.

Listen to music

Cheery, energizing music might lift your spirits, but if you’d rather treat your senses to a favorite heartbreak playlist, go for it. Research suggests listening to sad music could also have a positive impact on your mood.

Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them

Giving yourself time to heal involves creating some space. In other words, you’ll want to avoid texting, calling, and checking up on them — in person or on social media.

It’s also wise to wait on friendship until you’re feeling better.

Take care of your needs

You might not feel much like eating but try to plan balanced meals and snacks to help maintain good health.

Going to bed at the same time every night can make it easier to get the sleep you need.

Meditation and sunshine are other simple, low-cost methods to help boost a low mood.

Try positive distractions

Exercise, favorite hobbies, and time with friends can all help distract you from feelings of lovesickness and help improve your outlook.

A good book or favorite movie can also help you cope when you want to stay in and process your emotions alone.

We won’t lie. Heartbreak can take weeks, even months, to heal. This length of time varies from person to person, so there’s really no way to predict how long lovesickness will last.

If unwanted physical or emotional symptoms linger for more than a week or two, professional support can help.

Therapists are trained to help people navigate all the messy aspects of love, so your therapist won’t laugh at you or tell you it’s all in your head.

They will:

  • help you explore any patterns or underlying factors that might contribute to or complicate your symptoms
  • teach you coping skills to manage the most distressing moments
  • offer support with building skills for healthy, fulfilling relationships
  • help you address any mental health symptoms that accompany heartbreak

If you experience obsessive or intrusive thoughts, compulsions, or thoughts of suicide along with lovesickness, it’s best to seek support right away.

If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, a prevention hotline can help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours a day at 1-800-273-8255.

During a crisis, people who are hard of hearing should call 1-800-799-4889.

Click here for more links and local resources.

If you’re feeling a little lovesick lately, take heart. It won’t last forever.

To heal more quickly, treat yourself to some rest and relaxation, draw emotional support from friends, and remember to take care of your basic needs.

Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.

Lovesick: Yes, It's a Thing

If you’ve ever had your heart broken, been ghosted, or longed for love, you might’ve experienced lovesickness. Here are the signs and how to heal.

Have you ever missed someone so much that you felt sick? What about a strong sense of yearning for a person who didn’t feel the same way back?

Or maybe you’ve heard stories of couples who were together for decades passing away around the same time (aka dying from a broken heart).

If so, then you’re probably well aware that this experience is real, and it can really hurt. Well, that feeling has a name: lovesickness.

Lovesickness is not a clinically recognized mental health condition. Rather, it’s a biological response.

When you’re lovesick, you may become consumed by thoughts or feelings of yearning for the romantic love of someone. The experience of feeling lovesick can differ based on the unique circumstances of each scenario.

You can feel lovesick from a variety of situations, including but not limited to:

  • grieving the loss of a partner, whether from death or a breakup
  • lacking the ability to emotionally or physically connect with someone
  • experiencing unrequited love
  • missing a partner who’s temporarily distanced from you
  • general longing for love

Some folks might say they feel lovesick when they first start falling for someone new. Those feel-good love symptoms can pop up as excitement, lust, or pure joy.

But the negative feelings of lovesickness don’t align with those positive emotions associated with the experience of requited, happy, and healthy love.

Lovesickness symptoms

There are many emotional and mental signs and symptoms of lovesickness to look out for, such as:

  • constantly thinking about the person you’re lovesick over
  • spending a lot of time waiting for a call or text from them
  • feeling unmotivated
  • daydreaming or replaying conversations or encounters in your mind
  • insomnia or sleeping poorly
  • mood changes
  • isolating yourself from anyone who isn’t your lover

Does someone actually become “sick”? Not always, but it is possible.

For example, maybe your ex recently broke up with you, and now you may really start to miss them.

In this case, Pareen Sehat, a registered clinical counselor in Vancouver, Canada, shares that lovesickness could look like this:

“You’re so heartbroken that it interferes with your regular routine and prevents you from accomplishing important things. You feel incredibly vulnerable and weak to the point that it begins to impact your physical health.”

A 2017 review article suggests the following physical symptoms of lovesickness may also be present:

  • fever
  • agitation
  • loss of appetite
  • headache
  • rapid breathing
  • heart palpitations

According to Sehat, one explanation for these symptoms is that your brain becomes overloaded with the “happy hormone,” dopamine, during the initial phase of romantic love.

And when that neurochemical rush or withdrawal occurs? Enter lovesickness symptoms.

People use the term “lovesick” interchangeably with lovestruck or limerence. But they don’t all mean the same thing.

“Lovestruck is a metaphor for falling in love with someone quickly,” Sehat explains. “On the other hand, lovesickness is a condition in which you feel sad and unpleasant due to the absence of your significant other.”

She adds that limerence is more of an infatuation or unrequited love situation.

Certain mental health conditions can intensify lovesickness (and vice versa), such as:

  • anxiety disorders
  • depression
  • post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
  • obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
  • borderline personality disorder (BPD)

“[These conditions] can trigger and intensify lovesickness because you can become overwhelmed and unable to control your emotions,” Sehat explains.

She adds you can become easily triggered or even have a panic attack.

If you have a fear of abandonment or your brain is naturally low on dopamine from a mental health condition like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), you might feel a harder “crash” after a breakup or loss of someone who made you feel safe or happy.

Low dopamine can also magnify feelings of lovesickness.

Conditions with similar brain changes

According to a 2018 research review, lovesickness symptoms arise as a result of altered brain chemicals such as:

  • dopamine
  • serotonin
  • noradrenaline
  • testosterone
  • cortisol

Researchers point out similarities between the neurochemistry in folks who experience lovesickness and those with addiction or compulsive behavioral disorders.

Good news: Lovesickness can be temporary, and there are ways to heal.

Although the above 2018 review suggests there’s no official treatment, there are ways to self-soothe and cope with feeling lovesick that may bring you relief.

Sehat suggests the following tips for healing from lovesickness:

  • Give yourself time.
  • Avoid forcing yourself to feel a certain way if it doesn’t come naturally.
  • Talk with loved ones about your experience.
  • Express how you feel.

If feeling lovesick starts to interfere with your ability to function every day, consider speaking with a mental health professional. Therapy can help you understand the root cause of this feeling, process your emotions, and guide you toward healing.

“If you repress your feelings, they can be triggered, and even if you think you’ve recovered, you could be back at square one,” Sehat says.

Don’t bottle up your lovesickness. Let it out so you can fully process and let go of it for good.

Focusing so heavily on loving someone else can also lead you to neglect your own needs. Remember to take care of yourself as well.

“Lovesickness can be healed, so don’t worry and recover at your own pace without the fear of being judged,” Sehat says.

Rest assured that there are ways to cope with lovesickness.

Being lovesick from unrequited love, missing your partner, or generally longing for affection can feel like it’s stopping time, but try to remember it’s temporary and relief can come from self-care.

You might feel better after letting some time pass, fleshing out your feelings, and talking about your experience with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist.

Remember that lovesickness is a common experience, and you can heal.

Most importantly, you can give yourself permission to feel your feels.

Yearning for love: phases of its passage❤️😞

Love can take you to the seventh heaven. Or it can cause incredible suffering if the relationship has ended, but the person is still very important to you. It is important not to dwell on the past and move forward. But what if the longing of love devours from within? We hope that this article will help you get through a difficult stage in your life.

Love can take you to the seventh heaven. And it can cause incredible suffering if the relationship ended, but the person is still very important to you

Love is emotions. That is why we are ready for crazy deeds in her name, and in other situations we suffer and cannot get out of a depressive state when a loved one is no longer around. And yet it is important to return yourself to a conscious state as often as possible - then it will be easier to overcome longing.

Austrian psychotherapist Gerti Senger once defended her dissertation on the subject of longing for love. According to her, after parting, a person overcomes five phases of longing, after which, having healed a spiritual wound, he is ready to return to a full life. Let's look at each of these phases.

The first signals

The final weeks before parting can be full of various little things, which, however, are of greater importance than before. If you have already broken up, try to mentally return to this period. Remember what worried you, what did not give you rest?

Household squabbles during this period often develop into something more. Surely you will remember that this caused you some anxiety - there was no feeling that everything would definitely work out. Perhaps the partner is moving away (we wrote in detail on about it here ). Already at this stage, you may feel longing for love and even some physiological symptoms: insomnia, loss of appetite, deterioration in concentration;

Feeling of helplessness

Perhaps you are still together. But only formally. Every day you realize more clearly that this is the end. You love a person and a few months ago you imagined a completely different future. But now the picture is not rosy. You want happiness and love, but instead you cry and cannot believe what is happening. In this situation, it is important not to be alone with the problem. But we will talk about tips separately in the second part of the article.

You make concessions

Do you remember the 5 stages of a person's reaction to the inevitable? Denial - anger - bargaining - depression - acceptance. In the case of longing for love, the sequence of phases is similar. In the third stage, you are trying to save the relationship. At the same time, it is obvious that you need it more than your partner, so you are ready to give in something. You agree to something that you would not have agreed to before, you give your partner maximum freedom and a minimum of control, someone is even ready to switch to an open relationship format. Most likely, the partner no longer needs any of this - he is ready for parting and calmly brings him closer. Therefore, your concessions in the end are not enough.

In general, it is often more correct and useful not to cling to relationships at any cost, but to put an end to them in time. We wrote about this in our article .

Finally, it's all over

Denying the facts is pointless at this stage. The relationship is over, but you still don’t realize the true reasons for the breakup. Remember that love and longing for it are strong emotions, against which logic and common sense are lost, a person is simply not able to soberly analyze what happened. For now, you should not delve into yourself and look for the reasons for parting. Of course, hundreds of times everything could have gone according to a different scenario, but now it is useless to think about it.

At this stage, the symptoms of longing for love may become even stronger. People develop depression, mania, chronic fatigue (whose roots grow from insomnia), indigestion. Psychological symptoms are especially pronounced: a person is tormented by memories, obsessive thoughts, all this is aggravated by the realization that nothing can be corrected. Frequent mood swings, loss of appetite, stress - these are all real, not fictional problems. And for the past 15 years, psychologists and researchers on the topic of longing for love have been urging doctors to take this condition more seriously.

You acknowledge that this is the end

The final stage is acceptance. It is important to admit to yourself as early as possible that everything is behind you. However, there will be no immediate relief. Most often, it is at this phase that conscious work on the problem begins. Because it’s still not easy for you to get your loved one out of your head, it’s still not easy to stop blaming yourself for what you did or didn’t do, and the physiological symptoms have not completely receded yet.

At the same time, a person ceases to be closed off and finally, with joy, restores social ties, if they were previously lost. In long-term relationships, people eventually get used to being always together - going on holidays, visiting friends, going on vacation. Now you have to do all this without the second half. But where there is melancholy, there is also a new - a positive feeling. You will feel self-sufficient, you will understand that you may not need anyone to be happy.

Despite everything you read above, remember that love is worth looking for and fighting for. The first step in finding your person can be done on Invme - create an event or reply to someone who has already created their own.

How long does the longing for love overcome?

All people are different, so it is very difficult to name even an average figure. The period of longing depends on gender, age, emotional state, the nature of the person, the duration of the relationship. It is also important how much a person loved.

Experts point out only that women experience a breakup more than men. If the relationship ended after 6 years or more, the fair sex may experience longing for up to three years. But men often overcome this crisis faster - in 1.5 years.

How to overcome longing for love?

Let's move on to specific recommendations. One of the key ones is to “let go” of a person as soon as possible. Realize that everything is in the past and do not try in every possible way to restore relations. Then you will be closer to feeling neither love nor longing for her.

Other advice:

  • Don't talk to your ex either in person or online. Follow him on Instagram and other social networks. He can think whatever he wants, but it's not about being offended. The sooner you cut him out of your life, the easier it will be to recover. The less temptation you have to spy on his life or write to him, the faster your focus will shift to something else;
  • Focus on yourself. A change of scenery, a new hobby, a change of image is a great time to work on yourself. The less free time you have, the less you think about it;
  • Communicate more with friends, meet new people. True, psychologists say that it is better not to start a serious relationship at this stage - it often ends in failure;
  • Sport is great medicine. Not only will you get in shape, but also provide regular bursts of serotonin and dopamine - the hormones of pleasure and happiness. And this is exactly what is needed now;
  • Stop blaming yourself, dig into the reasons for what happened - this way you make yourself even worse. But you need to get out of this state. So it's time to treat yourself to something nice. Massage, shopping, going to the cinema, delivering something tasty to your home - there are a lot of options. Drop all doubts - you deserve this nice bonus;
  • Do not refuse the support of loved ones. Alas, there is a nuance here - not everyone can understand you, and someone will fall asleep with completely useless and even harmful advice. Therefore, try to spend more time with people who understand you, can listen and will not impose their opinion. Remember that similar situations happen all the time, yearning love is not a unique phenomenon. As an option - visit an anonymous forum, where people, although not personally familiar with you, are gathered, but the range of problems there is much wider;
  • Flirt, but remember that this is unlikely to develop into a serious relationship. Of course, anything can happen. But most often, people do not spend months and years looking for a new partner, they do not take this seriously enough, and therefore there is no need to talk about perfect compatibility. But as a stress management method, flirting is a great option;

  • Dive into business with your head, pay attention to career growth or try to start your own project (but without fanaticism). A pause in your personal life is a great time to succeed at work / The more passionate you are, the easier it is to get rid of boredom;
  • See a psychologist or psychotherapist. Remember that longing for love is a serious, health-threatening (and sometimes life-threatening) condition. Not everyone manages to cope on their own, there is nothing shameful in seeking help from a specialist who can look at the situation neutrally;
  • Remember that time works for you. Every month it will be easier for you, in fact - it is important to endure this period. All of the above will help overcome the difficulties of parting. Avoid negativity, don't listen to politicians, news bulletins and toxic people, instead fill your life with pleasant little things, joy and bright personalities.

And about how not to be afraid of a new relationship after a difficult breakup, we wrote here .

We tried to analyze in detail the topic of longing for love and give relevant advice that will make your life easier immediately after parting. Add content in the comments. Maybe you are ready to share your own experience of overcoming a crisis situation?

One day you realize that you want love again, and that same person will not keep you waiting long.

Longing - Psychologos dreams from the future. In a dreary state, attention is minimally focused on the possibilities that are now, and heavily focused on what was in the past or what could be in the future.

For example:

  • I yearn for my friends (they now live in another city) - this means that I really want to see them, but I don’t have such an opportunity now, and I languish, I am tormented by this.
  • Longing for the departed love means that I really want to return those sweet moments, and since I don’t have such an opportunity, I suffer.
  • Longing for the Motherland - this means that I really want to be in my native land, but I don’t have such an opportunity, and I’m sad.
  • I yearn for a beautiful and strong life - this means I really want it, but I don’t know how to do it, I’m sad.

More examples:

  • A dreary life is a life in which there is a lot of melancholy. (But, alas, there was no place for joy).
  • Sad mood - mood full of melancholy. (And it could be filled with cheerfulness).

The best cure for boredom is to be busy.

Sometimes there is a bright melancholy: it is a mixture of gratitude and sadness when parting, when parting for a long time. We broke up, yes, but I thank you for being together. And I'm a little sad, but I don't strain you with my sadness.

Bright melancholy can also be a resource state: I am waiting for a new future, I am striving for it, and I am doing everything to make it come.

Longing is the lot of romantics and parasites, rarely consumers. Parasite yearns for those who left and abandoned him, alone and defenseless. Yearning, because now there is no one to take care of him ...

Romantic - yearns for a kind and beautiful world, where everything is not so miserable, where people are like brothers, there are no humiliated and offended, where dreams come true, you just have to think about them. The anguish of romance is rather light than gloomy, but absolutely unresourceful. The romantic will not do anything to achieve the desired.

The Creator does not have enough time for melancholy, while the Romantic yearns for the beautiful world, the Creator builds it.

How longing is made

Gloomy longing, like any other emotion, is made up of three components: internal text, facial expressions and body, picture-situation:

  • Facial expressions and body: dreary face (dreary eyes), sighs, lowered corners of the lips,
  • Internal text: "I'm here on a business trip, how is my beloved dog at home. If only he were here now, we would go for a walk in the park." "Oh, if only to return that time!"
  • Situation picture: The world is grey, rainy, and I have no place in this gray and rainy world.

Light melancholy (painful melancholy)

  • Facial expressions and body: warm, grateful and a little sad eyes, a smile on the face, look forward to the new world.
  • Internal text: "Farewell past! Hello future!"
  • Picture-situation: Behind is a hospitable city where half of one's life has passed, and ahead is a new road running beyond the horizon towards the rising sun.

Symptoms of longing:

  • Immersion in thoughts about the past or in pipe dreams.
  • Sad eyes, look into the distance.
  • Beautiful and pathos reflections on life, mostly in the past tense.
  • Philosophical joyless attitude to the joys of life: what is it, but the past ... (or dreaming ...).

Melancholy according to Freud

Melancholy, described by S. Freud, is similar to melancholy, and it is hardly necessary to multiply concepts. One way or another, it is interesting to get acquainted with the analysis of melancholia (longing) made by Z. Freud. See →

Comments (21):

Guest, January 26, 2014, 00:11 am

I have been in anguish for ten years, since my husband left me. Then she lost her job and did not feel sorry for life at all. Now I live in a world that does not accept me: between heaven and earth. I have no relatives and friends, my favorite work has left me. My heart is empty and I don't need anything. What I do is close my eyes and count. When my soul becomes lighter (only at night), I read the classics in Russian and English. The doctor said I couldn't be helped.



N.I. Kozlov, January 26, 2014, 13:28

While you are waiting for someone to take care of you - yes, it will always be so. If you suddenly decide to take care of someone else, if you manage to become necessary to someone who, perhaps, the situation is more difficult than yours, your life will gain light and meaning. Life begins when we begin to give to people.



Veta , June 20, 2014, 10:15 pm

This is so complicated, everyone says: get busy so as not to feel longing and loneliness. And you take on everything: work, home, caring for loved ones. And everything seems to be "ok", but no, loneliness and longing are constantly present. Only one question, where to get the strength?



Guest, January 16, 2020, 4:50 pm

How are you doing now?

Guest, July 15, 2020, 15:59

I agree, you need to look for the cause of longing and heal on the physical and mental levels.

Guest, July 15, 2020, 3:58 pm

Your doctor is an idiot, although they don't talk about colleagues like that. YOU CAN AND SHOULD HELP!!! Look for your psychotherapist, do not give up.

Guest, June 27, 2022, 8:40 pm

Don't do this!!! Now I myself experience longing, I go to the temple, it helps a little. Try it, it won't get worse.

Anais, August 02, 2014, 4:12 pm

As long as I can remember, I have lived in anguish, since childhood. As if longing was born before me. I am already 35 years old, and I live like a cat, only eat and sleep. And I don't want to do anything else. Yes, I can't. Any activity makes me weak. I am disappointed in everything and go into a deep depression. I'm still waiting for a miracle, some fantastic events. I am waiting for some special person in my life, that he will come and fix everything, do the right thing, and I will become contented and happy. Of course, I am describing expectations at the level of sensations, not reason. With my mind, I understand that my life is gray and hopeless and I have nothing to wait for and no one. In general, I am at a dead end in life. I don't see a way out of my situation.



Natalie, October 04, 2015, 01:30 AM

Why can't you become this MIRACLE for yourself?



Guest, December 02, 2020, 04:33 PM

She bluntly said that she is disappointed in herself and goes into depression. Become a miracle for yourself, when for yourself you are worth nothing?

Guest, October 21, 2018, 8:48 pm

What to do if longing accompanies you because you cannot physically do everything you have to do? Every day you feel inadequate, incompetent. There is not enough time for all the necessary things, from this longing, unwillingness to live, a feeling that you have boarded a train that carries you from the point of birth to the point of death, you cannot get off it. You keep thinking, a little more and life will acquire clarity and meaning, but only a glimpse is outlined and then something happens again, life flies somersault, and you still can’t do anything. Looking back, you feel that every single one of your steps were wrong: choosing a profession, a husband, raising children, communicating with parents, you didn’t succeed anywhere, and now you are in complete .... and there is no way to get out of it, because. You have too much to do with him. Hopelessness, joylessness of life. I don't believe that anyone lives differently.



Guest, January 17, 2020 at 07:46

This is procrastination. Only a selection of the most important and planning will help here.

Guest, February 14, 2020, 01:48 AM

It feels like I wrote this.



Guest, April 10, 2020, 04:43 AM

Or me.

Guest, April 09, 2020, 07:39 PM

What to do???? Really what? Nothing helps me. As if instead of blood through the veins, longing ..

Guest, May 20, 2020 11:50 AM

I have something similar. Although I am a good teacher, I am respected by parents and children, management. But I made a mistake in raising my son, or rather, I did not take the proper part in time. Now he is closed, complexed. I suffer looking at him. My husband uses my ability to solve problems and does not strain. I'm tired. Unfortunately, people who are fun and good infuriate me. I feel that soon I will not be called in the company.



Guest February 23, 2022, 09:39

Your child mirrors you. You are in a state of pride and put pressure on the child. If not for the child, your pride would have killed you. The child saves your soul. Humble yourself and pray to God. Accept the given. Start changing, love your husband, see him as the breadwinner and owner. Then a miracle will happen. Your son will begin to open up. Otherwise, you risk losing everything. Your hearth, your family. It's too late to sit with nothing, you have to thank fate for what it gives you.

Guest, December 21, 2018, 00:26

First I lost my job, but I didn't think it was critical. My wife was later diagnosed with cancer. Trouble has come, open the gate. Thoughts about work receded into the background, the first was the support and recovery of his wife. Further, the inoperability of the tumor and the appearance of metastases were confirmed. The fight for life began. Traditional, non-traditional, folk, foreign and other medicines. like a speeding carousel. Lost count of time. The realization of the transience of life and the inevitable departure of a loved one came. Then 1.5 months of hellish pains and torments of a loved one, and a frantic desire to alleviate suffering and heal at any cost. He asked, prayed, begged, conjured all the "saints" and those involved in them, offered part of himself, and then completely. The apogee of this hell was the departure of his beloved, unjustifiably cruel. And all this within 5 months. Now every thread, every speck of dust in the house reminds of the lost. Every lamp, every path in the city screams: - She is no more. To say that this is sadness is to say nothing. Nonsense that parasites yearn for the lost. I yearn for lost love and the opportunity to care, to make someone happy, to bring joy, to build a life together. There is no desire to leave behind, but remaining there is no understanding of the meaning of continuing life. There is no feeling of collapse, but there is no anticipation of the future either. It's just that everything around has become gray, dull and bleak.



Guest, March 03, 2019, 03:57 PM

Your feelings are very close to me because it just recently passed, having lost my beloved husband. The disease lasted 2 years, but literally in a month there was a relapse, my husband struggled for 2 weeks in consciousness and 3 in intensive care, the lungs gradually failed and the doctors could no longer help ... To say that I went through hell during my lifetime is to say nothing, I saw every day, as my husband dies, and I can’t do anything and there was no other goal than to get up in the morning and go to him, trying to pull him out with my support, words, desire to help. He left ... The children remained, just babies of 4 and 7 years old and no prospects for the near future, she spent 8 years on maternity leave raising children. Emptiness, longing, disappointment in life. And you need to somehow raise children ...



Guest, March 28, 2019, 10:11 AM

The children are pulled out. This is your salvation. You have someone and something to live for.

Guest, September 19, 2021, 11:37 pm

Yes, my longing can hardly be compared with this one... But I know the pain of loss.. But I can't understand why there is a hole in my soul!!! I can't fill the void with anything... I'm trying.. I think I'm strong...

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