The little things in a relationship
The Little Things in Relationships Help Love Last Longer
Grand gestures of love can bring surprise and joy to your partner, but the little things in relationships may consistently strengthen your bond and increase emotional security.
Would you prefer having your partner gift you a new car or show you one small act of affection and thoughtfulness daily?
For many people, daily affirmations and acts of love and caring mean more than a singular, grand gesture.
The little things in relationships can be constant reminders that your partner thinks of you and cares about you.
Small acts count because they can help:
- reduce uncertainty
- provide a sense of emotional security
- solidify the bond between two people
- increase empathy
- reduce the chance of growing apart
In subtle ways, the little things, more than the grand gestures, can strengthen your relationship and make love last.
Why are the little things so important to your relationship health?
Research supports how important the little things in relationships are to enduring love — and well-being, in general.
A 2013 survey of more than 5,000 people found that small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness were more important than generic love gestures, like receiving a box of chocolate.
A 2016 study had participants answer a questionnaire to identify actions they considered important loving signals. Most participants selected everyday acts of kindness, compliments, and expressions of appreciation as things that made them feel loved.
In a 2020 study, researchers found that having everyday experiences of love were linked to higher levels of psychological well-being, feelings of purpose, and optimism. The more expressions of love a person received on a daily basis, the better sense of well-being they had in general.
“Gestures of all sizes can convey many messages such as: ‘You are important to me’, ‘I see you’, ‘I appreciate you’, and ‘Your needs and wants have not gone unnoticed,’” says Mason.
Every couple is different, and each person may value different gestures or efforts.
Understanding this “love language” can be the first step to implementing the little things in your relationship.
Being intentional about everyday demonstrations may reflect that you and your partner are persistently choosing love.
Here are a few “little things” and small gestures that may count:
Gratitude
Gratitude is a grand gesture that can be expressed in little daily acts of love.
Many partners split household responsibilities, but often certain tasks fall to the same person.
Folding the laundry, for example, may be something your partner typically takes on. By doing the laundry yourself, you’re letting your partner know through actions that you acknowledge and appreciate them always doing that chore.
Samantha Saunders, a licensed professional counselor from Washington, D.C., explains that these small gestures can be ways of expressing gratitude. Gratitude may keep love and appreciation alive in your relationship.
Fulfilling needs and wants
“Being observant of what the other needs and wants and giving in ways that speak to those needs and wants can strengthen all relationships,” says Shar’ron Mason, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Indianapolis.
She gives the example of making breakfast for your partner who likes to go for a morning run and doesn’t always have time to eat.
By fixing breakfast, you’re using a gesture to communicate to your partner that you pay attention to their needs and that you care about those needs being met.
Another example might be bringing your partner coffee or tea during the day because you know they enjoy a mid-day pick-me-up but may not have the time to do it themselves.
Physical closeness
Cuddling on the couch, holding hands, or engaging in a hug on greeting or departure can show your partner you enjoy their closeness and that physically being near them is joyful for you.
An empirical research paper exploring three studies on the importance of touch in romantic relationships found that it was associated with greater well-being. This was the case even for people with attachment avoidance who valued distance and autonomy.
Physical closeness may help you nurture all types of intimacy, not only physical.
Intimacy may lead you both to feel close and secure with one another.
Conversation
Setting aside time to check in with your partner about how their day is going can demonstrate you’re interested in what your partner has going on, and that because it’s important to them, it’s important to you.
“Making yourself available to your partner to share their day, stressors, and wins can also be a relationship strengthening gesture,” adds Mason.
Remembering things your partner has told you in conversation is also a little thing that may count to them. Asking them about the project they’re working on, the health status of an ill friend, or the problem they need to solve at work may mean a lot to your partner.
Encouragement and support
The little things in relationships don’t have to be all action and no words.
Verbal affirmations of gratitude, celebration, and encouragement are also ways to show your partner you’re rooting for them, supporting them, and want to see them succeed.
“Sending an encouraging message to your partner who may need a little extra support can be helpful and meaningful,” says Mason.
To add the element of surprise, you can hide a sticky note with an “I love you” or “I believe in you” message for your partner.
Writing a gratitude letter or getting them a card on any given day may also brighten their day and bring you together.
Research says that learning to do the little things in a relationship can help strengthen your bond and take the uncertainty out of a partnership. Small gestures increase empathy, intimacy, and a sense of security and well-being.
Fulfilling wants and needs, engaging in meaningful conversation, showing everyday acts of kindness, and expressing appreciation can all be done in small ways, every day.
The Little Things That Matter In Every Relationship
In this self-centered world, it’s hard to keep a romantic relationship going strong. Break-ups happen often for no reason at all, or a reason that could have been overcome if only there was a will to do so.
Sometimes, it’s the small things that keeps a couple together for a long time. Here are 10 little things that matter in every relationship.
We mean the “I love you” sentence. If you feel it, say it. Take your significant other by the hands, look them deep into their eyes, and say it. A smile is sure to appear on their face. Three little words that can light up both your days and remind them of how much they are loved.
Watch a romantic movie.Simple but effective. There are plenty of romantic movies out there to see, but personally, I’d suggest you skip Hollywood movies and focus on European ones. Why? They are not Cinderella like, they have real-life situations and they can be pretty interesting. My favorites are these two.
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youtube.com/watch?v=8I4S4n2Meh5
Letting your inhibitions go and being childlike is something that can easily be forgotten when you’re an adult and especially when you’re a couple. Being silly together shows that you are comfortable with each other, that you have embraced one another and could be a great reminder why you fell for each other in the first place. A couple who can laugh and play together is a happy one.
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Say thank youIt’s not hard to say thank you.
But we don’t mean the default “thank you” such as when someone brings you a cup of coffee. We mean a “thank you” for the things that really matter. When they hold your hand through a crisis, when they lift you up when you fall, when they stay by your side when you’re ill. In those situations gratitude is rarely expressed with words, but can go a long way to make the other person feel special and cared for.
Compliments are wonderful. It’s an instant lift when someone acknowledges you in a positive light, especially when it’s coming from someone you love. It shows that you’re noticed, appreciated and admired. Complimenting your partner on their looks, their personality, their positive spirit or whatever else you admire or love about them is something you can’t do too much of. It’s a small gesture that can make a huge, positive impact on your relationship.
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Do what the significant other enjoyIf he likes to watch sports, watch with him and cheer on his favorite team. Listen and take interest in what your partner likes to do, even if it’s not your personal favorite. In turn, when you want to do an activity that you enjoy, they’ll be open and willing to do it with you as well.
Going outside of your comfort zone and sitting through an opera or ballet for the simple fact that she enjoys it, speaks volumes to your significant other. It’s a small gesture that shows you want to be with them and that you go out of your way to see them happy in their element.
Did you know that some couples don’t travel together before their honeymoon? It may come as a big surprise to realize that you’re not comfortable traveling with each other after years and years of relationship, and that’s normal, but there’s a cure.
Start now. When you find yourself far away from the place you live in, you have only each other to rely on, you will spend more time together- just the two of you, and you will create memories. If you can’t afford a big vacation, try doing a ‘staycation’ and explore cities and sights around you that are nearby. Whether or not it turns out to be a great vacation, it will give you both a shared experience and something to talk about that will bring you closer.
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A little present goes a long wayIt doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate, in fact, it can be the simple act of getting them their favorite ice cream on the way home because you know they had a long, hard day at work. It’s not the present but the gesture and the thought that went into it that will be appreciated more so than the actual ‘thing’ you got them. Have they been talking about getting a certain book or waiting to see a certain movie? Buy that book when it comes out or make a date for the day the movie opens, not only will they be happy but they’ll know that you listen to them and you care.
CuddleCuddling is the best way to show that you love someone. Cuddling has this wonderful ability to soothe away the pain and calm you down. It works both ways. Not only will your partner feel relaxed, but you will shake off some of that everyday stress.
And when it’s cold, you could keep each other warm.
This is more important than you think. You should always back your partner up when they are having a brawl, even if you think that they are not in the right. You must never leave them standing on their own in an argument. At the very least, you should try and bring the argument to an end. That way they will know that you have their back, that they can rely on you and that you love them. This is a little thing that makes a BIG difference.
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Some of these advice you know already. Some of these are new to you, but trust us, they come from years of experience, and they really work. Let us know your thoughts.
10 very significant little things in a relationship between a man and a woman
There is a difference in the relationship between those people who pay attention to details every day and those who do not.
The first are those who don't usually spend money on extravagant gifts or special events, but they take care of you when you're sick or come up with little celebrations just for you.
However, people who pay attention to details are the ones you can rely on in times of need. They not only understand that the little things matter a lot, but they do them simply because they love, without any special reason or special occasion.
So, how can you express your great love with the help of small romantic actions?
1. Write love notes
I know we're adults now...however, all the more reason to be happy with a little piece of paper with the words "I miss you" or "I love you". It's free, easy and can be left anywhere to surprise her or him. 100% way to make this person smile.
I know from experience how great it is to feel that your loved one is doing something like this for you.
2. Listen
In a strong relationship, each partner relies on the other for love, opinion, and advice.
Sometimes just the fact that you are silently listening with interest will say more about you than any words.
Note to men: if a woman complains to you, it means that she trusts you. And trusts so much that he shows his true feelings. Don't betray that trust.
3. Do what your significant other wants to do
Whether it's watching a TV show your loved one likes, going to a musical instead of sitting at home with a laptop, or going out to a restaurant whose cuisine you don't particularly like, it doesn't matter do it, and with a normal expression on your face.
Relationships are based on compromises. This means that at times, in order to make someone significant to us happy, we do things that are usually not in our nature. This person will appreciate your efforts, and he will be doubly pleased to share some business with you.
4. Send a good morning message
The message that starts your loved one's day will tell them not just "good morning" but "you are the first person I thought of when I woke up this morning.
"
5. Do what you promised. Be reliable.
Reliability, how boring. Reliability is the reason why you buy, for example, a Toyota Corolla. It's not glamorous, it's not sexy, it's not interesting, but... When you go out in the morning and turn the key in the ignition, you know that the car will start without problems, no matter what it went through the day before.
The best romantic partner is someone you can always rely on. You know that he will be there when you need him. You know that he will stand behind when support is needed, beside him when a comrade is needed, and in front when protection is needed. You don't have to be surprised when he does what he promised, and you don't have to worry about him dumping you at the last minute. He is reliable.
6. Pay close attention and act accordingly. Ponder
In relationships and in life, many of us underestimate the importance of thoughtfulness. Life moves fast, and we are often so busy with our daily routine that we lose sight of the importance of working to make our loved ones happy.
This includes knowing what our partner likes and dislikes, supporting each other when things get tough, and encouraging when things are going well.
This means paying attention to small details and doing the little things that will please our partner. Mindfulness helps us to live, communicate and love much deeper.
7. Be patient with your partner
Patience is a necessary trait in someone with whom we want to build a strong relationship. It takes patience to get to know each other and our similarities and differences. It takes patience to adapt and stay kind all the time. It takes patience to have productive dialogues, not arguments.
Our patience is something that only we should feel. Others may notice, but if done right, no one will even know what you're putting up with because you stay calm and collected all the time. Take a deep breath and let life unfold on its own.
8. Be honest
Another great feature. It may not seem like it, because honesty should come naturally to any person in our lives, but being honest with the person you care about will show that you respect them enough to not hide anything.
Choose your words carefully, don't express your honesty in a way that offends the person, but make sure he knows he will get a straight answer if he needs one. And it doesn't matter what the topic is.
9. Make your significant other feel safe
It's not even about physical safety, it's about emotional safety. Just because men like to protect the women they love from anything, that doesn't mean they don't need to feel safe themselves, even if in their own special way.
Some men find it difficult to open up and express their emotions. To do this, they need to know that they will not be judged for these feelings. Security (in every sense of the word) is important for both partners.
10. Always be willing to compromise
Although of course you strive to become one, this does not mean that you will love the same thing. If you truly care about your loved one and their happiness, you will be willing to watch, do, see, and experience the things that they love, because they will do the same for you.
Without compromise, we can easily see that our relationship is like a seesaw with a large boulder on one side, due to which the position of the seesaw never changes.
In this case, the cobblestone is the wants and needs of just one of you. There must be an even balance so that both are happy and satisfied.
Satisfaction and fulfillment in relationships come only if you are strongly connected with another person. When your hearts beat in unison, and your thoughts are transmitted across the room with just one look. When you achieve this, you will realize that the daily little things that build this connection are the most important thing in life together.
As Robert Brault says, enjoy the little things, because one day you will look back and realize that they were very important.
Source: Huffington Post
Tags: Psychology
The seven tricky little things that quietly kill relationships
There are things in a relationship that few people doubt the negative impact of.
For example, lies, betrayals, insults. Experts have listed several non-obvious "killers" of love, which seem insignificant, but can be very dangerous.
1. You ignore the interests of your partner.
Photo © Shutterstock
It's not so scary if you have different tastes and interests. However, don't ignore your partner's passions, even if you don't share them. After all, you can always show participation, thereby showing that you care about a person. Like listening to a song he shared or watching his favorite movie with him. Otherwise, the partner may feel that you do not accept not only the tastes, but also himself, marriage and family therapist Abigail Makepeace noted in an interview with HuffPost.
2. You don't say thank you for the little things.
Happiness is in the little things, say the wise. But misfortune also lies in them, if these nuances are not appreciated. So, many people are used to thanking their partners for gifts, but they completely forget to say thank you for their support and help in everyday life.
Washing mountains of dishes, cleaning - all those little things that make life easier for us should also be rewarded, and not taken for granted, says Dr. Nicole Saunders. This will help the couple create a strong bond, but ignoring such aspects will only lead to increased discontent.
If your partner bought your favorite treat, made your bed the way you like it, or greeted you with a hug because he knows touch is your love language, show them genuine gratitude. It's also a good way to reinforce the behavior you want to see
Nicole Saunders
3. You don't care about personal hygiene.
Neglecting the simple rules of self-care can lead to discord in relationships. If you have an untidy appearance and you have long forgotten about brushing your teeth and going to the shower and are not going to change anything, your partner may naturally have questions for you, notes Dr. Kurt Smith. However, the rejection of hygiene does not always mean a disregard for the chosen one.
It is worth following the person and understanding whether he is depressed and whether he needs the help of a specialist.
4. You criticize your partner instead of asking for what you need.
If your partner once again let you down, you just want to smash him to smithereens. For example, he did not wash the dishes, and you attacked him, calling him a slob. However, this approach will not lead to anything good. When you criticize, you put your partner on the defensive, hurting their self-esteem and creating an emotional distance between you. "If we want our partners to act differently, we must make a specific request to change their actions, and not make a negative judgment", - notes Abigail Makepeace. Therefore, in the example above, it would be more appropriate to say that you don’t like seeing the dishes accumulated in the sink, and ask for help washing them for dinner.
5. You are obsessed with your partner.
Before you met your lover, your life was in full swing, but after a few months you had no interests left and were you obsessed with your chosen one? This is a wake up call.
Soon it may seem to you that life will end if you part with a partner, because, apart from relations with him, you have nothing. To avoid this, you need to constantly develop your personality and spend time separately from each other. Retire and read a book, meet friends and give the chosen one the right to do the same.
6. You take your partner's phone without permission.
Photo © Shutterstock
Even in a relationship, everyone should have their own personal space, the encroachment on which can lead to serious problems. If you're itching to check your partner's phone to see if they're cheating, it's the result of a lack of trust in the relationship and needs to be worked on. It is better to honestly discuss the issues that concern you with the chosen one, and not try to violate his personal boundaries.
7. You make promises that you cannot keep.
If you keep your word even in regard to the smallest things, this forms a high degree of trust in your partner and creates a feeling of love and appreciation.
