Supportive words for a friend

Encouragement Messages: What to Write in an Encouragement Card

By Keely Chace on August 25, 2022

Everyone can use a little encouragement now and then. Sadly, both inner struggles and external setbacks are an unavoidable part of being human. The good news is we don’t have to leave someone we care about to muddle through alone. We can be the ones to write the words or send the laugh in an encouragement card that helps someone through a rough day—or a whole tough season of life.

If the difficulty of someone’s situation has you feeling stumped about what to say, keep reading. In the rest of this article, you’ll find ideas for adding your own personal message to an encouragement card. We’ve organized these ideas by situation or need, and included writing tips and examples throughout. We hope these help you deliver a little light and support when they’re needed most.

  • How to Write an Encouragement Message Video
  • Upbeat Affirmations
  • Simple Thinking-of-You Encouragement
  • Physical Recovery
  • Addiction Recovery
  • Job Loss or Job Search
  • Divorce or Breakup
  • Mental Health Challenges
  • Laughs and Day Brighteners
  • Offering Help
  • Encouragement To a Child

How to Write an Encouragement Message Video  

Find out the simple formula for crafting your own encouragement message and get some real life examples from Hallmark Senior Writer Cat Hollyer.

Upbeat Affirmations  

Scary test, big presentation, upcoming chemo treatment…sometimes your recipient just needs a little enthusiastic cheering on.


  • “You got this.”
  • “Good luck today! I know you’ll do great.”
  • “Sending major good vibes your way.”
  • “I know this won’t be easy, but I also know you’ve got what it takes to get through it.”
  • “Hope you’re doing awesome!”
  • “Time to go kick cancer’s ass!”
  • “Keep on keeping on!”
  • “Sending you good thoughts—and hoping you believe in yourself just as much as I believe in you.”

Pro tip: For more upbeat ideas, check out this article on writing good luck messages.

Share a Little Happy on National Day of Encouragement  

Spread positive vibes to someone special on National Day of Encouragement (September 12)! Send a FREE Digital Video Greeting from DaySpring and Hallmark, made with your own photos and videos to anyone, anywhere, and let a friend know they’ve got this. Click here to get started.

Simple Thinking-of-You Encouragement  

Maybe the card itself has already said a lot. Or you don’t want to go on too long and risk writing the wrong thing. Whatever the case, it’s both appropriate and supportive to simply let your recipient know they’re in your thoughts.


  • “You’re never far from my thoughts.”
  • “Know how often I think of you? Always.”
  • “You’re on my mind and in my heart.”
  • “Keeping you close in my thoughts.”
  • “Lifting you up in prayer and hoping you have a better day today.”
  • “I can’t wait to catch up with you soon.”
  • “Just wanted you to know you’re on my mind and in my prayers.”
  • “I’m thinking of you. And I’m just a text or phone call away.”
  • “I hope you don’t feel alone as you go through this time. My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you all the way.”

Pro tip: Short thinking-of-you messages are also great for follow-up encouragement, after you’ve already sent one or more cards to your recipient.

Physical Recovery  

Recovery following an injury, surgery, or illness can be slow, painful, and frustrating. Your recipient might feel like life is moving on without them. They may need reminding that you haven’t forgotten them…and that it’s okay to let other things go and focus on getting well.


  • “Be good to yourself. And let others be good to you, too.”
  • “This is what you’re going through, not who you are.”
  • “I hope you are surrounded by people who are good for your spirit.”
  • “You are amazing for facing this with so much courage and hope.”
  • “The most important thing right now is to focus on getting better… everything else can wait.”
  • “Wishing you healing around the next corner.”
  • “You’re doing exactly what you should be doing. Hang in there.”
  • “You’re being so strong—and patient. Keep the faith. Things are going to start looking up soon.”
  • “I know you’re body has definitely felt better, but how are your spirits holding up? I’ll be in touch to see if you want to talk, vent, rant, whatever.

Pro tip: Needing to encourage someone who is not going to recover? This Get Well article offers caring message ideas for someone with a chronic or terminal illness.

Addiction Recovery  

When someone you care about is struggling with addiction, it can be tempting to give advice. But unless you’ve been there yourself, resist the urge. Instead, keep your written messages focused on caring, support, and belief.


  • “I hope you feel your inner strength building day by day.”
  • “This is tough, but you’re tougher.”
  • “I’m proud of you for walking this road, for doing what’s right for you.”
  • “You’re making a big change, and that’s a really big deal.”
  • “I know what you’re going through is hard, but I’m rooting for you every minute of every day.”
  • “Even when you might not feel it, you’ve got the strength to get through.”
  • “I can’t imagine how you feel. But I can listen when you need to talk.
  • “Take everything one day at a time. And on the harder days, give me a call.”
  • “I love you no matter what.”
  • “You’re being incredibly brave. I’m proud of you.”
  • “It takes serious courage to get on this path and stay on it. Good on you.”
  • “Stay strong and remember how many people care about you. (I’m one of them!)”

Pro tip: Like many other encouragement situations, addiction recovery is a journey. It takes time, and often, setbacks and renewed attempts. So consider sending multiple cards over time—both out of the blue, and for sobriety milestones or other important dates.

Job Loss or Job Search  

Losing a job, or struggling to find one, can be a major blow to a person’s finances, relationships, and sense of self-worth. It’s definitely a time when encouragement is needed.


  • “It just doesn’t seem fair that someone as dedicated and hardworking as you should be laid off. But I’m trusting those same qualities to help you bounce back when you’re ready.”
  • “I don’t know all you’re feeling as you end this chapter of your career. But I want you to know I’m here for you—to talk, or to help in any way I can.”
  • “I was so sorry to hear about your job. You’ll be on my mind as you readjust and figure out next steps…and I know you will.”
  • “Thinking of you—and trusting that this is just a stepping stone along the path to something better.”
  • “There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll succeed in whatever path you choose next.”
  • “Hang in there. I know the right position is out there waiting for you.”
  • “With your brains and talent, I just know you’ll make a positive contribution wherever you go.”

Pro tip: Optimism is a key theme in encouraging someone between jobs. After acknowledging the loss or difficulty, pivot your message toward hope for their future.

Divorce or Breakup  

The end of a relationship can bring relief, but also a huge life adjustment, and often, a significant dip in happiness for a long time to come. Encourage early and often.


  • “I’m so sorry you have to experience the pain of divorce, but happy you’re doing what’s right for you.”
  • “I know this wasn’t an easy decision to make for your family. Just want you to know I support you.”
  • “I loved you and Sara as a couple, and I want you to know I’ll continue to love each of you as friends.”
  • “Sometimes it takes a tough ending to make a bright new beginning. Wishing you all the strength you need right now.”
  • “Can we finally say you deserve so much better? (You TOTALLY do.)”
  • “The next chapter of your life is gonna be so amazing.”
  • “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
  • “Hearts take time to heal. Be gentle with yourself.”
  • “This totally sucks, but you totally don’t suck.”
  • “You are completely and unconditionally loved.”

Pro tip: To paraphrase Shakespeare, “To trash the ex, or not to? That is the question. ” We suggest not. It’s safer and more encouraging to keep your message positive and focused on your recipient. If you refer to the ex at all, keep it indirect: e.g., “You’re better off” instead of “He’s a garbage person.”

Mental Health Challenges  

Because mental health challenges aren’t always visible to the casual observer, it can be supportive to simply affirm that those struggles are real and that you care.


  • “It’s okay not to be okay.”
  • “Your pain is valid. I’m here if you need someone to listen.”
  • “No wise words or advice here. Just me. Thinking of you. Hoping for you. Wishing you better days ahead.”
  • “I don’t know what depression feels like, and wish with all my heart that you didn’t have to know, either.”
  • “I’m so sorry you’re experiencing a setback. I don’t know what to say, except that care about you, and I’m here for you.”
  • “We’ve got friends for our happiest days and saddest moments. I hope you know I’m your friend now just as much as ever.”
  • “If you ever need to talk, or just cry, I’m your gal.”
  • “I’m not sure what’s most helpful right now, but I figure a card with a cute kitten on it couldn’t hurt, right? ☺ Thinking of you…”
  • “Just wanted to say we miss you at work. Looking forward to a time when you’re feeling much better.”

Pro tip: A note or card is an unobtrusive way to show support even when your recipient isn’t up for visitors. So, when in doubt, grab your pen and reach out. Don’t let the stigma surrounding mental illness silence you.

Laughs and Day Brighteners  

Just because someone’s challenges are serious doesn’t mean your words always have to be. Sometimes sharing a laugh or smile is the best encouragement.


  • “Just wanted to send you a smile today.”
  • “I’m here. And I have wine.”
  • “If this didn’t make you smile, let me know, and I will send you my senior yearbook picture instead.
  • “You and bacon are in my thoughts a lot these days. Hey, it’s not all about you, you know.”
  • “You can get through this. Take it from me. I’m very wise and stuff.”
  • “At a time like this, don’t even bother with a dish. Just grab a spoon and start shoveling ice cream straight from the carton.”
  • “Sorry things are crappy. If you need somebody to binge-watch a whole season of something with you, I’m there.”
  • “This, too, shall pass. And hopefully not like a kidney stone.”
  • “I believe in you! And unicorns. But mostly you!”

Pro tip: Do you know your recipient well enough to be fairly sure of what they will find cute or funny? If in doubt, then stick to more serious and heartfelt messages

Offering Help  

For someone who’s struggling, it’s usually best when we can anticipate their needs with specific offers to visit, bring meals, do housework, etc. But more general offers are also supportive, as long as we’re prepared to follow through if asked.


  • “All this can be a lot to take on. I’m here to help, if you need it.”
  • “What’s especially challenging right now? We’d like to find a way to help with that.”
  • “I’m never more than a text or call away. Don’t hesitate to reach out. (I plan to check in on you, too.)”
  • “I can deliver a mean takeout. Just name the day.”
  • “If you need somebody to run errands, do house chores, cook, whatever, I’m a somebody.”
  • “If you want company, I’m there.”
  • “Don’t worry about getting Brendan to and from school and practices. Emily and I have it covered for as long as you need.”
  • “I’ll plan to leave Tuesday night meals in the cooler by your front door by 5:00. If you feel up for a visitor, just text me ahead of time.”
  • “I’m here for you no matter what—to talk, to run errands, to clean up, whatever is helpful.”
  • “I’m sorry things are so hard right now. I’d like to take care of the yard for you until they get a little easier.

Pro tip: Sometimes the best way to help and encourage is to share whatever it is you do well, whether that’s listening, cooking, scheduling, driving, or choosing the perfect funny movie to watch.

To a Child  

When kids face challenges or setbacks, they need plenty of love and affirmation from the important adults in their lives to help them through.


  • “I know school is really tough right now, but I’m proud of the way you’re hanging in there. Keep it up!”
  • “You may have lost the game, but you never gave up. That makes you a winner in my book.”
  • “I’m so sorry you were left out of the big party. That would hurt my feelings, too. It probably doesn’t help a lot right now, but I think you’re kind, smart, funny, and wonderful—and I know you’re going to find true friends who see all that, too.”
  • “What you’re going through stinks. I’ll be holding my nose along with you until things get better. (And they will!)”
  • “Mom and I believe in you! (Fluffy hasn’t said, but we’re pretty sure she does too.)”
  • “Just want to remind you that we love you and we’re proud of you no matter what.”
  • “It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, scared, or however you’re feeling. It might seem impossible, but you won’t always feel the way you feel right now. And for now, I want to do whatever I can to help.”

Pro tip: Try to really put yourself in the child’s shoes as you write. This will help you to recognize how big the challenge feels to them, and to encourage them in the most helpful way.

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35 Words of Encouragement for a Friend in Need

by Jessa Pangilinan

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Are you looking for some words of encouragement that you can say to a friend in need?

If so, you’ve landed on the right page! This post will give you a list of encouraging statements that you can use to help a friend get back up on their feet. We carefully crafted these words so we can help you positively lift a friend’s mood and spirit.

But before we proceed, let us share with you our thoughts on why you should speak words of encouragement.

What You Will Learn

  • Why Say Words of Encouragement?
  • Final Words on Words of Encouragement for a Friend

Why Say Words of Encouragement?

Words of encouragement generate trust and confidence between people. In addition to motivating and inspiring, they also help strengthen relationships and improve communication. They cultivate feelings of acceptance and belonging.

Speaking words of encouragement is a great way to open up your heart to another and allow them to believe in you. It is an act of touching another person’s soul and creating a space where you can both be comfortable.

Most importantly, words of encouragement help you lend your strength to others. You may not be able to help them physically, but through powerful and meaningful words, you can be a pillar they can hold on to when everything falls apart.

As you can see, there is more to this than just wanting to cheer up another person. Words of encouragement help others realize that they deserve happiness and a life full of bliss and satisfaction.

To help you start spreading strength and happiness, here is a set of encouraging messages you can share!

  1. You might not believe in yourself, but know and remember that I believe in you. I always have and I always will.
  2. Who cares about the storm? Don’t worry. I can’t make it stop, but I can always hold your umbrella.
  3. Cheer up, my friend. God gave you those problems because He knows you are strong enough to handle and overcome them.
  4. If you fall, I’ll pick you up. If I can’t pick you up, then I’ll just lie down and rest with you. Let’s get back to the top together.
  5. I realize that I am indeed a very lucky person. I’ve been blessed with the most wonderful people in my life, and that includes you.
  6. It’s tough now, but I believe that there is a brighter future waiting for us. You’ll get through this. Trust me.
  7. Your mistakes and failures don’t define who you are. Believe you can, and you’ll eventually get there. I’ll be there to hold you up.
  8. Whatever you do, remember that you are not alone. No matter what happens, I’ve always got your back.
  9. My friend, always remember that you are important and worthy of everything good in this world.
  10. Rest if you must; we’re not in a hurry. You can’t always function the way people expect you to.
  11. I won’t ask you to act now if you don’t feel like it. I’ll stay by your side and wait until you are ready and choose to fight again.
  12. Did you know that you are like magic? Good things come whenever you’re around.
  13. Here’s what you need to remember: You are enough and you are wonderful, even on those days you feel broken and shattered.
  14. It may seem that things are hopeless right now, but I know that there’s so much more in store for your future.
  15. You’ve always been a fighter, so I know that you’ll get through this. Don’t lose that strength; don’t let go of that bravery.
  16. Whatever you do and whatever you choose, I will always be proud of you. Don’t put yourself down.
  17. Do you know where I get my strength? From you. Your dedication is what encourages me to be the best version of myself.
  18. You are bold and courageous. You are important. No one can tell you otherwise.
  19. You are the writer of your story, and you decide your own destiny. No matter what happens, I believe you will always have the power to endure.
  20. Do you know how valuable you are? You are a gift not just to me and the people around you, but to the whole world.
  1. Let go of what is hurting you. Don’t hang on to something that just keeps on dragging you down. You have me, your other friends, and your family. Hold on to us.
  2. The best is yet to come, so sit up straight and stop the tears. Whatever is happening right now is not the end.
  3. I always knew that you could do anything. After all, you are smart and ambitious. Cheer up, buddy! Nothing can stop us now.
  4. It’s okay to feel down today, and perhaps even tomorrow. But always remember that you are a champion. You are amazing—never forget that.
  5. Words can’t describe how proud of you I am. I am happiest whenever someone praises you, my friend.
  6. Good things come to those who wait. This is just a chapter in your life and not the whole story. Hang on a little—I’ll be with you through everything.
  7. Let me know if you can’t see the light anymore. I will buy a whole bunch of bulbs for you.
  8. My friend, there are so many beautiful reasons to fight for life and happiness. Keep going. Let’s fight together.
  9. We all experience bad days; we all have to deal with our inner demons. When you feel like there’s nothing you can do about it, know that you can always depend on me for support.
  10. Don’t lose faith. It can be really hard to keep going at times, especially when you don’t have enough motivation. But despite that, we should still keep our heads up.
  11. Don’t thinking that there’s nothing to live for. Our friends, your family, and you—your existence alone—are all worth living for.
  12. Hard times hit us all, but we survive by being strong. I don’t worry about you—you’re a strong and amazing person.
  13. Think of this as just another lesson that you need to learn. Life is tough, but so are you. You can’t let it defeat you.
  14. We’ve been friends for a long time, and I know that no one can stop you from winning. So don’t back down. I’ve got your back.
  15. Don’t doubt your accomplishments. You succeeded because you worked hard for it. You are here because you deserve to be.

Final Words on Words of Encouragement for a Friend

Sharing words of encouragement is important, especially when you understand that the situation is heavy. Those words need to feel authentic and genuine in order to provide support.

When you encourage your friends and loved ones, do so with your whole heart. You may never know the impact you are having, but it makes a difference.

100 necessary words of support in difficult times for relatives and friends :: Infoniak

01 Mar, 2022 12:23 91256 Selections



There are days when everything goes wrong. Plans fall apart, we are overcome by fears and anxieties, we feel lonely, not knowing how to fix everything.

Experiencing difficulties and negative emotions is normal. Sometimes we need to feel weak in order to become strong. Our failures do not define us as individuals.

But how to return to a normal rhythm of life? In this case, we just need support and encouragement.

We need close people who can become our support, helping us overcome everything that life sometimes throws up.

What words of support to say to a man or woman in a difficult moment

Remember that words are not just words, they can have great power to help you get back on your feet.

We have made for you a selection of words of support for relatives, friends and colleagues in difficult times that will brighten up the day and bring positive.

  1. It’s hard right now, but I believe that a bright future awaits us. You will get through this. Believe me.

  2. You may not believe in yourself, but know and remember that I believe in you. I have always believed and will continue to believe.

  3. Don't worry, I can't stop the storm, but I will always keep your umbrella.

  4. You have always been a fighter, I know you will get through this. Don't lose strength and hope.

  5. Believe that you can and you're halfway there.

  6. You're doing great.

  7. There are so many more interesting things ahead of you. You will get through this.

  8. With thoughts of peace and courage for you and your family.

  9. Promise me that you will always remember that you are braver, stronger and smarter than you think.

  10. You can scream, you can cry, but just don't give up.

  11. Be kind to yourself. You do everything in your power!

  12. I know it's hard for you right now, but don't forget to take time for yourself. Your life is very important.

  13. Today think about everything you have, not about what you don't have.

  14. You can go on long after you think you can't anymore.

  15. Whatever you do and whatever you choose, I will always be proud of you. Don't put yourself down.

  16. Do you know where I get my strength? From you. Your willpower inspires me to be better.

  17. You are brave and strong. You are important to us. Nobody will dispute this.

  18. Don't be discouraged, friend. The Universe gives us problems because it knows that you are strong enough to deal with them and overcome any difficulties.

  19. If you fall, I will pick you up. If I can't lift you up, I'll just lie down and rest with you. Together we'll get back to normal.

  20. It's what you're going through right now, not who you are.

  21. I realized that I am a happy person. I have the most wonderful people in my life, including you.

  22. Your mistakes and failures do not define you. Believe that you can, and in the end, you will succeed. I will be there to support you.

  23. Whatever you do, remember that you are not alone. No matter what happens, I will always support you.

  24. Remember that you are important to me and worthy of all the best in this world.

  25. Rest if you need to, don't rush anywhere. You can't always do things the way others expect you to.

  26. I won't ask you to act immediately if you don't feel like it. I will be by your side and wait until you feel ready.

  27. Do you know that you have magical powers? When you're around, good things happen.

  28. Remember: you are all right and you are beautiful, even on those days when you feel overwhelmed and empty.

Words of support for a man in difficult times

  1. Right now everything seems hopeless, but I know that the future has a lot of good things in store for us.

  2. You are the author of your story and you decide your fate. Whatever happens, I believe that you have the strength to get through it.

  3. Do you know how valuable you are? You are a real gift to me and to the people around you.

  4. Let go of what hurts you. Don't hold on to what's holding you down. You have me, your friends and family. Hold on to us

  5. The best is yet to come, so stand up straight and stop crying. Whatever is happening now is not the end.

  6. I always knew that you are capable of anything, because you are smart and strong. Don't be discouraged, friend! Now nothing will stop us.

  7. It's okay to be sad today and maybe even tomorrow. But always remember that you are the champion. You are an amazing person. Do not forget about it.

  8. Words cannot describe how proud I am of you. I am so happy when someone praises you.

  9. Good things come to those who wait. It's just a chapter in your life, not the whole story. Be patient - I will be with you no matter what.

  10. Let me know when you feel bad. We'll get out of this together.

  11. Friend, there are so many wonderful reasons in the world to fight for life and for happiness. Do not give up. Let's fight together.

  12. We all have bad days and we have to deal with our inner demons. When it seems to you that there is nothing you can do, know that you can always count on my support.

  13. Don't lose faith. Sometimes it can be very difficult to continue, but we must keep our heads up.

  14. Do not think that there is nothing to live for. Your friends, your family and you, your existence alone, are all worth living.

  15. Hard times come to all of us, but we survive by becoming strong. I'm not worried about you - you are a strong and amazing person.

  16. Take it as another lesson to be learned. Life is hard, but you are stronger. Don't let her win you over.

  17. We have known each other for a long time, and I know that no one will stop you. Don't back down. I will always support you.

  18. Don't doubt yourself. You worked hard and you deserve a lot.

  19. Nothing will ever take away our memories. May our memories bring us comfort and remind us of happier times.

  20. Sending you positive vibes and happy thoughts.

  21. I know things are tough right now, but I also know that you have what it takes to get through this.

  22. I send you good thoughts, I believe in you and I don’t doubt for a minute that you will cope with everything.

  23. You are on my mind, especially today.

  24. Friends are needed for the happiest and saddest moments. I hope you know that I am your friend now, as always.

  25. I'm so sorry you're going through this right now, but this too shall pass.

  26. If you want to talk, or just cry, you know where to find me.

  27. I hope your day is better today.

  28. The next chapter of your life is going to be amazing.

  29. I believe in you, and in unicorns, but mostly in you.

  30. What you are going through right now is very difficult, but I am rooting for you every minute of every day.

  31. I just want to send you a short message to let you know that you are in my thoughts and in my prayers.

  32. It takes a lot of courage to walk this path and stay on it. I'm so happy for you.

  33. Remember that you are not alone as you go through difficult times. We are separated by a phone call.

  34. I admire your strength.

  35. Be kind to yourself and let others be kind to you.

  36. You are completely and unconditionally loved.

  37. You're doing exactly what you're supposed to do. Hold on.

  38. You are so strong and patient. Keep believing. Soon everything will start to improve.

  39. I think of you and believe that this difficult time is just a stepping stone on the way to something better.

  40. At any moment you have the opportunity to say: This story will not end like this.

  41. Quotes about support in difficult times

  42. Sometimes you run into trouble not because you're doing something wrong, but because you're doing something right. | Unknown

  43. Whenever you begin to doubt what you can achieve, just remember how far you have already come. | Unknown

  44. Don't let your feelings forget what you deserve. | Unknown

  45. Even if happiness forgets about you a little, never forget about it completely. | Jacques Prevert

  46. Courage does not mean having the strength to go on. It is to continue when you have no strength. | Napoleon Bonaparte

  47. Don't be ashamed of scars. They just mean that you were stronger than whatever was trying to hurt you. | Unknown

  48. Power doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming what you once thought was impossible. | Ricky Rogers

  49. Soon, when everything is going well, you will look back on this period of life and be so glad that you never gave up. | Unknown

  50. Sometimes, when you are in darkness, it seems to you that you have been buried, but in fact, you have been planted and sprouts will soon appear. | Unknown

  51. Everything seems impossible until it is done. | Nelson Mandela

  52. And this too shall pass.

  53. When the world says, "Give it up!" Hope whispers, "Try again." | Unknown

  54. Our greatest glory is not to never fall, but to rise every time we fall. | Confucius

  55. Do not despair. Often it is the last key in the bunch that opens the lock. | Unknown

  56. When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long. | Unknown

  57. If you don't make mistakes, then you don't make decisions. | Katharine Hepburn

  58. Just because something isn't happening right now doesn't mean it will never happen. | Unknown

  59. Always remember that your current situation is not the final destination. The best is yet to come. | Unknown

  60. Take a deep breath, it's just a bad day, not a bad life. | Unknown

  61. In the end, everything will be fine, and if it is not good, then this is not the end. | Unknown

  62. Never dwell on one issue for too long. Tomorrow will be a new day. | Unknown

  63. You don't realize how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. | Bob Marley

  64. You are always separated by one decision from a completely different life. | Unknown

  65. You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it. | Unknown

  66. The person I am today would like to thank who I was 5 years ago for not giving up! You are amazing. | Iva Ursano

  67. Fall down seven times, get up eight times. | Unknown

  68. Don't lose hope and never give up. Your miracle may be waiting for you right around the corner. | Unknown

  69. Not all positive changes seem positive at the outset. | Unknown

  70. At the heart of every difficulty lies an opportunity. | Albert Einstein

  71. Maybe it's not always necessary to try to fix what's broken. Maybe it's about starting over and creating something new. | Unknown

  72. In a year, everything that bothers you will not matter. Let it go. | Unknown

  73. Train your mind to be stronger than your emotions, otherwise you will lose every time. | Unknown

Author: Filipenko L.V.

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Words of support that are better than “don't worry”

Finding words of support can be difficult. Comforting a person, you can inadvertently upset him even more. We tell you how to support a person, what words will help express sympathy and show your loved one that you are on his side.

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What's wrong with the phrase "don't worry"

A few years ago, a canary lived in my house. I did not look for souls in her, and even the fact that the little bird woke up early in the morning with her songs did not in the least diminish this love. Once an accident happened to her: the cage fell off the shelf, and the canary damaged the wing. The vet calmed me down, gave her medicine and told me to make special compresses for the wing. In the evening, I completed all the procedures and went to bed peacefully.

And in the morning I didn't hear a sound from the cage. I came closer and saw the lifeless body of my favorite bird. My heart was broken. I blamed myself for not saving my pet, that I made a mistake somewhere and overlooked it. With tears and a howl, I grabbed the phone and wrote with trembling fingers about what had happened to my friend, hoping for words of support and comfort. But she received one sentence in response: “Well, don’t worry.” Perhaps she wanted to cheer me up with this phrase. But my pain only added a burning resentment: “How did my emotions devalue so easily?”

“We get psychological injuries much more often than physical ones. And they, like a scratch on the knee, get worse if we ignore them: “Oh, do you feel depressed? Never mind, it's all in your head." Imagine saying this to a person with a broken leg: “Oh, just put it out of your head, it’s all in your leg” ”.

Psychologist Guy Winch TED Talk Why Everyone Should Practice Emotional Emergency

According to one of the dictionary definitions, experience is a state of mind caused by some strong feelings, impressions. In fact, uttering the phrase “do not worry”, a person calls on the interlocutor not to experience emotions, to remove their feelings deeper.

But, firstly, it is very difficult to do this if a person has lost someone close, has been rejected or has suffered a major setback. Secondly, the containment of emotions leads to bad consequences for psychological and physical health, provoking cardiovascular diseases, psychosomatic pain and depression.

If you really want to help your loved one go through a difficult moment, show your participation and support, it's better to forget the phrase “don't worry” first. There are words that will help you establish a dialogue and actually ease the experience of a dear person.

“I can always listen to you”

First of all, people just want to express what is bothering them, not to find a solution to the problem. And sometimes it just doesn't exist. So the first thing to do is to make it clear that you are ready to listen. Most often, this becomes the best manifestation of support. At the same time, try not to look at your smartphone, do not fiddle with your watch and do not switch your attention to the environment.

If the frustrated person finds it difficult to start talking or gets lost, try asking leading questions:

  • Tell me what happened?

  • What's bothering you?

  • Why did this happen?

  • What caused these feelings?

  • Help me understand how you feel.

The monologue that you help build your interlocutor can be more effective than advice. By saying everything that worries him, your loved one can find a solution himself, understand that in reality everything is not so bad. Or just feel better, because you no longer need to keep emotions in yourself.

But don't insist if you see that the person obviously doesn't want to talk. In this case, just let him know that you are always ready to listen if he changes his mind.

“Loneliness inflicts a deep psychological wound that distorts our perception and confuses our thinking. It makes us think that others care about us much less than they really do. It makes you afraid to turn to someone, because why subject yourself to rejection and suffering if your heart already hurts more than you can bear? There is a lot of research on loneliness, and they are all terrifying. Loneliness not only makes you unhappy, it kills. I am not kidding. Chronic loneliness increases the likelihood of early death by 14%” .

Guy Winch

“Your feelings are normal”

Faced with the anxiety of another person, you involuntarily want to try to get him out of this state with smiles or jokes. It may seem that his problem is nonsense and not worth the tears. But what seems insignificant to one person is really important to another. Do not underestimate the importance of sadness, anger or resentment. For everyone, these emotions are individual.

And while some allow themselves to surrender to grief completely, others are afraid to show their feelings. It seems to them that then they look weaklings or the subject of ridicule. Or that their problem does not deserve such violent emotions.

Therefore, if you see that your loved one is obviously upset about something, but is trying to hide it, try to explain that their emotions are normal. You will not shame or ridicule him. Perhaps these words of support will help an upset person open up to you and ease their feelings.

"I know that feeling."

This phrase must be handled very carefully. Even if you think you've had a similar experience, it won't be exactly like the person who's seeking your support. Your pain is different. But you can share your story if you feel it's appropriate.

You must not shift the focus of the conversation to yourself. Do not say that you had worse situations, do not go into details. It is better to briefly talk about how something like this went through, and then return the attention to your loved one. If he needs to, he will ask for details.

With this phrase you tell a person that he is not alone with his pain. That there is someone nearby who has experienced similar feelings. Or maybe he will find in your story tips on how to get through his pain and overcome it.

“After failure, the mind tries to convince you of your inability to do something. If you believe this, you will begin to feel helpless and stop trying too soon or not at all. And then you'll be even more convinced that you can't succeed. That is why so many people operate below their potential. Because somewhere along the way, a single failure convinced them that they couldn't succeed, and they believed it.

Guy Winch

"What can I do for you?"

When you feel that you have the strength and desire to help a person, and not just listen, ask what you can do for him.

If a frustrated person asks for your advice, first find out if they have any ideas to improve the situation. Reflect with him, sketch out a few options, but invite your loved one to evaluate them. Decisions are more likely to be made if a person comes to them on their own.

If you are directly next to an upset person, you can also provide them with domestic care. Make tea, offer to watch a movie, or cook something together to take your mind off things. And if the conversation takes place in the evening, advise to go to bed. Many feel better in the morning.

But sometimes an upset person is sad, not because of a particular event, but because he suffers from depression. If so, encourage him to do something other than talk, like take a walk. Overthinking can exacerbate depressive feelings. Discuss with the person his feelings, gently suggest contacting a specialist who will help alleviate his condition.

“If we are rejected, we all begin to think about our shortcomings and shortcomings, we scold ourselves. I wonder why we do this when our self-esteem is already so hurt? Why do we want to hurt her even more? If you cut your hand, you wouldn't think, "Oh, an idea: I'll take a knife and see how much deeper I can make this wound. " But with psychological trauma, we do this all the time” .

Guy Winch

"What happened to you is really awful"

One of the most difficult things is realizing that you don't know what to say. But most of the time, frustrated people are not really looking for specific words of encouragement, but for comfort. When a person is in pain, he really needs understanding and sympathy for his pain. American psychologist John Gottman called this "evidence of the plight of a loved one."

This means that sometimes it is enough to "witness" the experiences of a person dear to you. To calm him down, describe what you see and feel. Recognize that someone close to you is going through a difficult time. That it's hard for you to see his pain.

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