Signs of shyness

Shyness (for Teens) - Nemours KidsHealth

Some people welcome new experiences and new people. They look forward to any opportunity to socialize. They're often the first to introduce themselves and they jump into a conversation easily. Other people are quiet and shy, and prefer to warm up slowly to new people or situations.

What Is Shyness?

Shyness is an emotion that affects how a person feels and behaves around others. Shyness can mean feeling uncomfortable, self-conscious, nervous, bashful, timid, or insecure. People who feel shy sometimes notice physical sensations like blushing or feeling speechless, shaky, or breathless.

Shyness is the opposite of being at ease with yourself around others. When people feel shy, they might hesitate to say or do something because they're feeling unsure of themselves and they're not ready to be noticed.

Reacting to New Things

New and unfamiliar situations can bring out shy feelings — like the first day of school, meeting someone new, or speaking in front of a group for the first time. People are more likely to feel shy when they're not sure how to act, don't know how others will react, or when attention is on them. People are less likely to feel shy in situations where they know what to expect, feel sure of what to do or say, or are among familiar people.

Like other emotions, shy feelings can be mild, medium, or intense — depending on the situation and the person. Someone who usually or often feels shy might think of himself or herself as a shy person. People who are shy may need more time to get used to change. They might prefer to stick with what's familiar.

People who are shy often hesitate before trying something new. They often prefer watching others before joining in on a group activity. They usually take longer to warm up to new people and situations.

Sometimes being quiet and introverted is a sign that someone has a naturally shy personality. But that's not always the case. Being quiet is not always the same as being shy.

Why Are Some People Shy?

Shyness is partly a result of genes a person has inherited. It's also influenced by behaviors they've learned, the ways people have reacted to their shyness, and life experiences they've had.

Genetics. Our genes determine our physical traits, like height, eye color, skin color, and body type. But genes also influence certain personality traits, including shyness. About 20% of people have a genetic tendency to be naturally shy. But not everyone with a genetic tendency to be shy develops a shy temperament. Life experiences also play a role.
Life experiences. When people are faced with a situation that may lead them to feel shy, how they deal with that situation can shape their future reactions to similar situations. For example, if people who are shy approach new things little by little, it can help them become more confident and comfortable. But if they feel pushed into situations they don't feel prepared for, or if they are teased or bullied, it can make them even more shy.
The examples other people set can also play a role in whether a person learns to be shy or not. If the parents of a shy child are overly cautious or overprotective, it can teach the child to back away from situations that might be uncomfortable or unfamiliar.

Shy Strength

Many people want to reduce their shyness. But people who are naturally shy also have gifts that they might not appreciate in themselves. For example, because shy people may prefer listening to talking, they sometimes become really good listeners (and what friend doesn't appreciate that?!).

People who are shy might also become sensitive to other people's feelings and emotions. Because of their sensitivity and listening skills, many people with a shy personality are especially caring toward others, and interested in how others feel. People often consider them the finest friends.

Of course, some people want to feel less shy so they can have more fun socializing and being themselves around others. If you're trying to become less shy, it can help to remember:

Overcoming shyness takes practice. People who are shy tend to give themselves fewer chances to practice social behaviors. It's no wonder that people who shy away from socializing don't feel as socially confident as those who are outgoing — they have less practice! The more you practice social behaviors, the easier they get, and the more natural they feel for you.
Take slow, steady steps forward. Going slow is OK. But be sure to go forward. Stepping back from any situations that might trigger you to feel shy can reinforce shyness and keep it at a level that's hard to get past. Build confidence by taking one small forward step at a time.
It's OK to feel awkward. Everyone does sometimes. People who are shy are often afraid to feel awkward or uncomfortable. But don't let that keep you from doing what you want. You might feel awkward asking your crush for a first date. That's perfectly natural. Whether your crush says yes — or no — is out of your control. But not asking at all means you'll never get that date. So go for it anyway!

Know that you can do it. Plenty of people learn to manage their shyness. Know that you can, too.

When Shyness Is Extreme

Most naturally shy people can learn to manage their shyness so that it doesn't interfere with what they enjoy doing. They learn to warm up to new people and situations. They develop their friendliness and confidence and get past shy feelings.

But for a few people, shy feelings can be extreme and can seem hard to conquer. When shy feelings are this strong, they prevent a person from interacting, participating in class, and socializing. Instead of warming up after a while, someone with extreme shyness has shy feelings that build into a powerful fear. This can cause a person to avoid social situations and hold back on trying new things or making new friends. Extreme shyness can make it uncomfortable — and seem impossible — to talk to classmates or teachers.

Because extreme shyness can interfere with socializing, it can also affect a person's self-confidence and self-esteem. And it can prevent someone from taking advantage of opportunities or trying new things. Extreme feelings of shyness are often a sign of an anxiety condition called social phobia. People with social phobia often need the help of a therapist to overcome extreme shyness.

Someone with social phobia — or extreme shyness — can overcome it! It takes time, patience, courage, and practice. But it's worth the hard work. The payoff is enjoying more friends, having more fun, and feeling more confident.

Be True to Yourself

We can't change our true inner nature (and who would want to?). If you have a naturally shy style, or if shyness holds you back, you might have to work at developing a sense of ease around new people.

Most people find that the more they practice socializing, the easier it gets. Practicing social skills — like assertiveness; conversation; and friendly, confident body language — can help people overcome shyness, build confidence, and get more enjoyment from everyday experiences.

Reviewed by: Colleen Sherman, PhD

Date reviewed: October 2020

Shyness: Causes, Signs, and Treatment

Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD — By David Heitz — Updated on September 27, 2019

Overview

Shyness is a feeling of fear or discomfort caused by other people, especially in new situations or among strangers. It’s an unpleasant feeling of self-consciousness — a fear of what some people believe others are thinking.

This fear can inhibit a person’s ability to do or say what they want. It can also prevent the formation of healthy relationships.

Shyness is often linked to low self-esteem. It may also be one of the causes of social anxiety.

Shyness can vary in strength. Many people feel mild feelings of discomfort that are easily overcome. Others feel extreme fear of social situations, and this fear can be debilitating. Inhibition, withdrawal from social activities, anxiety, and depression can result from shyness.

Shyness encompasses a broad spectrum of behaviors. It’s normal for children to sometimes feel shy in new situations. Perceptions of shyness may also be cultural.

Some cultures, such as many of those in the United States, tend to regard it negatively. Others, such as some Asian cultures, tend to regard shyness more positively.

About 15 percent of infants are born with a tendency toward shyness. Research has shown biological differences in the brains of shy people.

But a propensity for shyness also is influenced by social experiences. It’s believed that most shy children develop shyness because of interactions with parents.

Parents who are authoritarian or overprotective can cause their children to be shy. Children who aren’t allowed to experience things may have trouble developing social skills.

A warm, caring approach to rearing children usually results in them being more comfortable around others.

Schools, neighborhoods, communities, and culture all shape a child. Connections a child makes within these networks contribute to their development. Children with shy parents may emulate that behavior.

In adults, highly critical work environments and public humiliation can lead to shyness.

Not all children who play alone happily are shy. Fear and anxiety are elements of shyness.

One of the first signs that a child’s shyness might be a cause for concern is that they never want to leave their parent’s side.

Children who do poorly in their studies or who have a difficult time making friends should be evaluated for shyness. Those who have been victimized by bullying are at risk for developing shyness.

Children who are constantly ridiculed may exhibit aggressive behavior as an overcompensation for shyness. Those who have experienced neglect are at risk as well.

Sometimes, shy children aren’t diagnosed and treated. Unlike many other emotional disorders, shyness often doesn’t result in a child causing problems. Frequently, there are no tantrums or aggressive behavior to raise red flags and encourage treatment.

According to the National Alliance for Mental Illness, anxiety — which is more than shyness — affects approximately 7 percent of children aged 3 to 17 in the United States.

Therapists can assess a child for shyness by engaging them in activities such as charades and board games. They may also use puppets and dolls to get the child to open up.

Overcoming extreme shyness can be essential for the development of healthy self-esteem. Shyness can result in difficulties at school and difficulties forming relationships.

Psychotherapy can help children cope with shyness. They can be taught social skills, how to be aware of their shyness, and ways to understand when their shyness is the result of irrational thinking.

Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing can help children and adults cope with anxiety, which may underlie shyness. Group therapy can also be helpful in children and adults experiencing shyness.

There are effective treatments for adults with anxiety who have difficult completing daily activities. However, severe anxiety often goes untreated.

In rare instances, medication can provide temporary relief for shyness.

To prevent or manage shyness, parents and guardians can help children develop the following skills:

coping with change
managing anger
using humor
showing compassion
being assertive
being kind
helping others
keeping secrets

All of these abilities can help children be at ease among their peers.

Last medically reviewed on September 27, 2019

How we reviewed this article:

Healthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical associations. We avoid using tertiary references. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.

Anxiety disorders. (2017).
nami.org/learn-more/mental-health-conditions/anxiety-disorders
Painful shyness in children and adults. (n.d.).
apa.org/helpcenter/shyness.aspx
Rubin KH, et al. (2010). The development of shyness and social withdrawal. New York, NY: Guilford.
Social anxiety disorder. (n.d.).
adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder
Shyness in children. (2009).
healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/Pages/Shyness-in-Children.aspx

Our experts continually monitor the health and wellness space, and we update our articles when new information becomes available.

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Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD — By David Heitz — Updated on September 27, 2019

Shyness: Causes, Effects and Solutions

Shyness is the appearance of anxiety, fear and embarrassment in situations related to communicating with other people or being near them. As a rule, shyness and timidity interfere with people in life. In this article, we will look at the causes of shyness, its signs, consequences, and, most importantly, the technique for overcoming shyness.

Causes of shyness

In psychology there is no consensus on this matter and there are different approaches. We will not dive into all the details, but we will briefly talk about each of them.

The theory of innate shyness

The modern version of this theory belongs to Raymond Cattell. He and some other researchers are convinced that shyness is a consequence of a more sensitive nervous system, and it can be inherited, like some other individual characteristics. Shyness, according to Cattell, is an invariable character trait, that is, if a person has innate shyness, then no experience can change it.

Behavioral approach

Behaviorists believe that shyness can arise due to the following reasons:

Lack of communication skills for full communication with other people.
Self-abasement due to their inadequacy (including imaginary).
Anticipation of one's inadequate behavior, anxiety about it. Simply put, a person is afraid to do something wrong, and does nothing.
The presence of negative communication experience in the past.

Here we cannot but agree, because these reasons actually turn out to be quite weighty, and as a result of them, fear, discomfort and other signs of shyness may well arise.

Psychoanalytic approach

Psychoanalysts view shyness as a symptom of internal contradictions: unsatisfied primary needs, narcissism, clash of defense and aggression mechanisms, etc. But in order to understand this approach in more detail, it is best to study the theory of Sigmund Freud in more detail.

Other possible causes

Shyness can also be the fear of not being accepted or understood. Perhaps shyness is part of your "I-concept", that is, you yourself set yourself up for such a model of behavior. And, of course, self-doubt and low self-esteem can lead to shyness. Anxiety and feelings of nervousness can be the cause of situational shyness.

Signs or symptoms of shyness

As for the manifestations of shyness, everything is much simpler here than with its causes, and psychologists distinguish a whole range of its symptoms:

Fear of any public speaking.
Emotional discomfort when communicating with strangers or unfamiliar people.
The person speaks quietly and uncertainly, tries to give the shortest possible answers.
As a rule, a shy person does not start the conversation first.
During a conversation, a shy person most often looks away from the interlocutor.
Desire to avoid attention from strangers.
Increased sweating, palpitations, redness of the face.
A shy person often has an attitude that he will not be interesting to other people, feels helpless and awkward, shames himself and condemns himself.
Selectivity in contacts with people.

If you notice a combination of these signs in yourself or your friends, then shyness is familiar to you or them firsthand. Although, as a rule, shy people themselves are well aware of this peculiarity. But unfortunately, they rarely think about its consequences.

Consequences of shyness

Most often, shyness is seen as a negative or neutral trait of character (do not confuse shyness with modesty). This is so because, firstly, a shy person has difficulty making new acquaintances, which means that he has a very narrow circle of friends. In addition, a shy person often hides his opinion, does not seek to express his will, behaves, in general, spineless. Of course, this is a barrier to its development and self-realization.

In some situations, due to shyness, a person loses control over himself, behaves awkwardly, cannot concentrate, forgets simple things. This also interferes. Emotional stress, which can be caused by shyness, quickly exhausts a person, wastes his energy, and contributes to emotional burnout.

Due to shyness, people sometimes miss their opportunities. For example, they hesitate to ask for something or defend their idea. All this suggests that it is necessary to get rid of shyness. And specifically for this, there are a number of methods. We will tell about one of those.

Methods of getting rid of shyness

Some experts, as we have already said, are sure that shyness is almost a sentence, a stigma for life. But there are those who think otherwise. So, many psychologists and psychotherapists are sure that you can overcome shyness with the help of very simple recommendations:

Determine the reasons for your shyness. Without knowing the origins of your behavior, you cannot change it. The section on causes of shyness in this article will help you determine the cause.
Start working on eliminating the causes. Increase self-confidence, form a normal self-esteem, stop judging your behavior as inadequate, develop communication skills, etc. The hardest part here is practice, but to be successful, it must be constant.
Use affirmations. Stop calling yourself shy, awkward, insecure, etc. and even think of yourself in that vein. Make sure that your self-hypnosis is beneficial, not harmful.
You can use the method of paradoxical intentions. For example, if you are afraid to talk to someone, exaggerate the possible consequences and play them out in your imagination with humor. As a rule, fear disappears after that. But here, too, constant and long-term work on oneself is needed.
Get over your shyness. Follow the above points and try to do something that you have not decided on before. Talk to a stranger, enter into a conversation, draw attention to yourself, etc. Start with the smallest - subsequently there will be no trace of shyness, because it is the exit from the comfort zone that often makes a person more confident and courageous in all understandings of these words.

Of course, this article does not claim to be a complete study of shyness and does not guarantee that you will be able to get rid of it. But if you take into account what we have talked about, this can be the beginning of your personal "transformation" from a timid and shy person into a self-confident and strong person.

If the feeling of shyness is alien to you, you can still benefit from our article, because. now he is quite able to give a couple of sensible recommendations to one of his friends and relatives. We wish you confidence and success!

Keywords:1 Psychoregulation

Signs of shyness. Shyness and how to deal with it

WikiReading

Shyness and how to deal with it
Vem Alexander

Contents

Signs of shyness

It would seem that recognizing a shy person is easy: he speaks softly, does not start or maintain a conversation, does not look the interlocutor in the eye, is afraid to express his opinion or refuse, feels uncomfortable when meeting members of the opposite sex, and communicates only with a small circle of friends, which behave in much the same way.

However, there are some problems. Some of them are objective in nature, others are explained by the subjectivity of observers.

For example, insufficiently insightful people sometimes confuse shyness with insensitivity, arrogance, arrogance. The English poet Alfred Tennyson wrote about a beautiful woman: "Her shyness seemed to me like ice." Sometimes quite self-confident men who cannot establish normal relations with some women are considered shy, although the ladies themselves, who feel awkward when communicating, are more to blame for this. However, most often the difficulties arise due to the fault of both.

When talking to a shy person, even self-confident people become embarrassed, so often, watching their communication, it is even difficult to understand which of the interlocutors is more shy. You need to be an exceptionally open, friendly person in order to immediately win the favor and trust of someone who is shy.

I have already talked about shy extroverts who skillfully hide their shortcomings in public. Other imitators act less skillfully, they hide their shyness behind assertiveness or aggressiveness. Their actions are often unconscious and resemble the reaction of a frightened animal, which in an extreme situation can only choose between flight or attack.

TIP

Shyness is based on reflexes inherited by people from animals, whose behavior is determined by fear, aggression, the desire to subdue and obey.

In many cases, a shy person is difficult to recognize because he is inconsistent, he is often overwhelmed by opposite desires. In Notes from the Underground, the character is recognized:

There have also been opposites... Sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone, otherwise I'll get to the point where I'll not only talk, but even take it into my head to get along with them in a friendly way. All the squeamishness suddenly disappeared for no reason at all. Who knows, maybe I never had it, but it was fake, from books? I still have not resolved this issue. Once I even made friends with them completely, began to visit them, play preference, drink vodka, talk about production ...

Of course, I could not stand friendship with my comrades and very soon spat ... I even stopped bowing to them, as if cutting me off.

Even children do not like to admit that they are shy. Ask such a child why he does not want to play with his peers, and he will most likely answer: "I am not interested in them, it's boring." There is nothing surprising in the fact that shy people prefer to hide their shortcomings, hiding under various masks.

The French philosopher François La Rochefoucauld wrote: "We should not be offended by people who withheld the truth from us: we ourselves constantly hide it from ourselves."

A shy person, like no one else, needs to know the truth about himself. You have already understood what shyness is, and therefore now you should, figuratively speaking, clarify the diagnosis, that is, figure out what forms the “disease” takes in your case.

This text is an introductory fragment.

Cure for shyness

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5. The good side of shyness

5. The positive side of being shy Like everything in life, shyness has two sides to the coin. We've looked at the downsides of shyness, but it certainly has its upsides. Often parents of shy children worry about whether their children will find their place

6. Ways to overcome shyness

6. Ways to overcome shyness If you notice signs of shyness in your child, try to prevent future difficulties. There are simple and effective methods to prevent shyness in children. Don't worry about what's not yet

1. Understanding shyness

1. Understanding shyness I remember when I was 4 years old, I used different objects to hide from people who came to me with their help. They were people I knew—cousins, aunts and uncles, friends of our family, and even my own siblings. I was hiding in the closet at

8. What is the reason for your shyness?

8. What is the reason for your shyness? You have already learned something about the nature of shyness in Part I of the book. But what do you know about your own shyness? To what extent do you understand the experiences of shy people with whom you happen to live and work? What causes

Damage from shyness

Damages from shyness Valuable Events, Actions, Time of Opportunity, People Lost, Postponed, Reduced, etc. 1. Now let's seriously think about the subtle benefits we get from being branded

Cure for shyness

The cure for shyness In the sixties, the English actor M. Stewart became famous as a parodist, able to accurately copy the voice, intonations, manner of singing and speaking, facial expressions and gestures not only of other artists, but also of statesmen of his country. His performances

Apologia for Shyness

Apology for shyness Shyness is not considered a vice in our society, therefore, admitting one's own shyness is not as shameful as, for example, cowardice, although shyness is usually caused by fears - the fear of seeming ridiculous, ridiculous, inadequate.

Neurochemistry of shyness

The neurochemistry of shyness The difference between the cautious Tom and the confident Ralph, according to Kagan, is the excitability of the neural circuit, in the center of which the amygdala is located. Cagan believes that people like Tom, who tend to experience apprehension and fear, are already

Causes of shyness

Reasons for shyness Shyness can be caused by a variety of factors. The theory of innate shyness. Supporters of this theory believe that shyness is inherited from parents is a hereditary factor, therefore,

The positive side of shyness

The positive side of shyness Although the above data and stories of people testify to the difficulties in life that shyness is fraught with, it should also be remembered that there are favorable sides to shyness. 10% to 20% of shy people admit that

Shyness recognition

Shyness Recognition Now let's take an open look at the people we meet daily - at work, at school, among neighbors and friends. First of all, try to assess whether your family members are shy or not. Then ask each of them:

Sensitivity to others' shyness

Sensitivity to others' shyness Children are completely insensitive to manifestations of shyness in their parents; a rare child considers parents shy. And although almost half of the parents of schoolchildren we studied considered themselves shy, the children rated

Shyness clinics

Clinics of shyness There are many therapy centers that provide help for those who are shy. Three of them deserve special mention. The most famous clinic is "Friendship" in University Park, Pennsylvania. It is led by Dr. Gerald Philips.

Shy Clinic

Clinic of shyness At the Stanford Shyness Clinic, we use specific techniques to help our patients overcome the various manifestations of shyness.

Learn more

Signs of shyness

Shyness (for Teens) - Nemours KidsHealth

What Is Shyness?

Reacting to New Things

Why Are Some People Shy?

Shy Strength

When Shyness Is Extreme

Be True to Yourself

Shyness: Causes, Signs, and Treatment

How we reviewed this article:

Read this next

Shyness: Causes, Effects and Solutions

Causes of shyness

The theory of innate shyness

Behavioral approach

Psychoanalytic approach

Other possible causes

Signs or symptoms of shyness

Consequences of shyness

Methods of getting rid of shyness

Signs of shyness. Shyness and how to deal with it

Cure for shyness

5. The good side of shyness

6. Ways to overcome shyness

1. Understanding shyness

8. What is the reason for your shyness?

Damage from shyness

Cure for shyness

Apologia for Shyness

Neurochemistry of shyness

Causes of shyness

The positive side of shyness

Shyness recognition

Sensitivity to others' shyness

Shyness clinics

Shy Clinic