How to build emotional attraction with a man

19 Ways To Trigger Emotional Attraction in a Man

What attracts a man to a woman emotionally?

Scientists have yet to uncover a definitive, formulaic answer.

After all, everyone is different, and people are drawn to disparate things.

But over centuries, women have perfected the art of seduction — and it works on many of the male persuasion.

And to be clear, seduction needn’t be sexual.

It’s also an emotional pursuit.

So today, we’re giving a free lesson on how to create an emotional bond with a man to forge a deeper intimacy.

What's in this post:

What Is Emotional Attraction?
What Triggers Emotional Attraction in a Man? 19 Ways to Stoke His Bond with You
- 1. Use Light Touch
- 2. Compliment Him
- 3. Be a Bit Unattainable
- 4. Go Beyond the Physical
- 5. Commit To Your Partnership
- 6. Talk To Him About Real Things
- 7. Take an Interest in His Hobbies
- 8. Be Thoughtful
- 9. Be a Great Listener
- 10. Don’t Be Clingy
- 11. Don’t Overshare Too Soon
- 12. Don’t Try To Force Attraction or Affection
- 13. Maintain Your Independence
- 14. Be Strategically Open and Vulnerable
- 15. Understand His Love Language
- 16. Be Authentic and Let Him Know the Real You
- 17. Be Practical
- 18. Be Kind
- 19. Practice Self-Care
Questions About an Emotional Connection With a Man
- How do men develop emotional attraction?
- How do you know if a man is emotionally attracted to you?
- What are the emotional attraction triggers?

What Is Emotional Attraction?

Attraction involves more than just aesthetics.

Sure, most couples are physically attracted to one another.

However, developing an emotional bond is necessary if you want the guy you’re dating to fall in love.

What elements contribute to emotional compatibility?

Temperament: Partners who land on completely opposite ends of the temperament scale may have a harder time finding serenity with one another.
Outlook: Getting serious with someone with completely different values and opinions may not be the best move. It will probably take longer to build an emotional bond — if it’s even possible.
Trust: Honesty is a foundational pillar of nearly all relationships. If you can’t trust someone, it’s impossible to build a fulfilling partnership.
Humor: Life would be intolerable without humor, and a good relationship is impossible without it, too.
Intelligence: Have you ever tried dating someone who’s not in your general intelligence quadrant? It’s, shall we say, unpleasant. And it’s challenging to build an emotional bond with someone who is either leagues smarter or dumber than you.

What Triggers Emotional Attraction in a Man? 19 Ways to Stoke His Bond with You

There’s a man in your life, and you’d like to grow closer.

You’re physically attracted to one another, but you’re looking to increase the emotional connection.

To that end, we’ve curated this list of tips to help you build a strong foundation for a deep emotional connection with a man.

1. Use Light Touch

Humans like touch, and it’s an effective way to establish a romantic rapport with another individual.

We’re not suggesting you start groping folks, but a light touch on the arm or leg lets someone know you’re drawn to them.

Don’t overdo it, though. Too much petting can read as coquettish, which — right or wrong — is rarely appreciated.

2. Compliment Him

It’s nice to be complimented — and men especially love it. They may act as if they don’t care, but underneath those stoic exteriors, men love to be told that they’re wonderful, capable, brilliant human beings — just like the rest of us.

So tell your man about himself. Praise him. Build up his confidence.

He’ll appreciate the attention. However, try not to come off as phony. If he suspects you’re being disingenuous, it could leave a bad taste in his mouth.

3. Be a Bit Unattainable

It rarely hurts to play hard to get.

Some people may consider that old-fashioned advice — and they’re probably right. Nevertheless, it still works. Because there are still many men out there who like to chase ladies and prefer not to have serious relationships with “loose women.”

All that said, in the words of Bob Dylan, “the times they are a-changin’.”

It’s becoming increasingly acceptable for women to be open about their love, enjoyment, and appreciation of sex. So if you’re the type of lady who enjoys adult intimacy, don’t worry; there are partners out there for you, too.

But beyond the question of sex, it’s good to be unavailable sometimes. Don’t pick up the phone on the first ring. Sometimes, let it go to voicemail. You also don’t need to respond to his texts right away. Intriguingly aloof is better than an eager beaver.

4. Go Beyond the Physical

Good sex is great. But if you want a serious, long-term relationship, getting beyond the physical is imperative. The goal is to build an emotional bond, which requires breaking down the facade.

We fall deeply in love with partners who let us be ourselves — faults and all. Please don’t read that wrong. We’re not suggesting you hook up with someone who treats you poorly.

However, we all “perform” on some level, whether at work or in social circles. Yet we form emotional bonds with people around whom we can let down our guard.

5. Commit To Your Partnership

If you want him to become more emotionally invested in the relationship, you may have to show him how. Make it clear that you’re only dating him.

Open up to him in the ways you want him to open up. Be the change you wish to see in the relationship.

6. Talk To Him About Real Things

Growing closer will be difficult if you only talk about surface-level topics. Forging emotional bonds means discussing feelings, your history, and the world around us.

What are his true dreams? How does he feel about faith and belief? What are his insecurities? Do they align with yours? Drill down to the bone.

7. Take an Interest in His Hobbies

Don’t become someone you’re not to please a guy. However, if he has hobbies you could see yourself enjoying, dip your toe in. Many women have discovered passions thanks to their boyfriends and husbands.

Who knows, there may be a rabid hockey fan lurking inside you — or maybe a model airplane enthusiast.

Whatever the case, enjoy it with your man. Make it a feature of your relationship.

8. Be Thoughtful

Humans tend to prefer thoughtful people. So while it’s perfectly acceptable to prioritize your needs at times, if you want to create a deep bond with your man, take note of — and attend to — his needs.

We’re not suggesting you follow him around like a puppy dog and clean up all his messes. But let him know he’s important in your life through thoughtful acts.

9. Be a Great Listener

Being a great listener is a valuable life skill — professionally and personally. When you pay attention to people, you can devise the best solutions and make authentic connections.

Plus, it’s nice when folks remember things about you — but not in a creepy way.

10. Don’t Be Clingy

Clinginess is never, ever a good look. The overwhelming majority of men find it highly irritating and will quickly dump women they feel are “too needy.” We’re not commenting on whether that’s right or wrong; we’re just telling you how it is.

So while it might sound counterproductive, it’s smart to give a guy space to build emotional attraction.

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11. Don’t Overshare Too Soon

He doesn’t need to know everything about you within a week of dating — not even within a month.

Keep your cards close to your chest until you truly get to know him. Doing so will save you heartaches, plus guys appreciate women who are a bit standoffish at first.

Don’t be unapproachable, but don’t be an immediate open book either. Males enjoy the challenge of “getting things out of you.”

12. Don’t Try To Force Attraction or Affection

What’s the first rule of Romance Club? Attraction is a complex mystery.

If someone doesn’t find you good-looking, if someone doesn’t vibe with you, there’s not much you can do to change their mind. It is what it is. Moreover, there’s no point wasting time and feelings on people who are just not into you.

So if a guy is lukewarm about you, instead of trying to force an emotional bond, just find someone new who digs your energy.

13. Maintain Your Independence

There are few things sexier than a confident woman who can take care of herself.

So if you want a guy to grow more interested in who you are and what you’re about, show him you don’t need him. It’s a part of playing “hard to get.” But you’ll also feel better about yourself — and less likely to bother with men who don’t deserve you.

14. Be Strategically Open and Vulnerable

While you don’t want to be too open too soon, you also want to let him know that you’re willing to share secrets. Guys like to feel trusted.

This tactic serves two purposes. Firstly, it builds rapport. Secondly, it signals to your partner that he can be vulnerable around you.

15. Understand His Love Language

Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” outlines five categories of ways people express their love and affection:

Words of affirmation
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service
Physical touch

Figure out which one your man gravitates toward and use it. If he likes quality time, plan a night in for the two of you. If he’s a gift-giver, get him something special. It needn’t be expensive or elaborate — just thoughtful. Whatever the case, cater to his love language.

16. Be Authentic and Let Him Know the Real You

Pretending to be someone you’re not seldom works in the long run. Eventually, your true self will reveal itself. And if it never does, you’ll be miserable on the inside — which is no way to live.

17. Be Practical

Of course, notable exceptions to the rule exist, but people usually do best with people that make “practical” sense.

Folks like to say that opposites attract, but the truth is that most couples have a lot in common. It’s human nature to feel most comfortable around those with similar traits and upbringings.

We’re not suggesting you only date people of the same race, religion, class, or ethnicity — but things can go smoother when you have complementary worldviews and personalities.

18. Be Kind

It’s easier to fall for kind people. Sure, everyone has ups and downs — and it’s OK to be negative or upset at times.

But if you’re constantly bad-mouthing other people, you inadvertently may be making it difficult for your man to bloom emotionally. After all, he probably doesn’t want to be judged either.

19.

Practice Self-Care

You cannot show up for other people if you don’t care for yourself. So if you want to be the type of person who inspires emotional connection, practicing self-care is a must. Pamper and prioritize your mind, body, and soul.

Questions About an Emotional Connection With a Man

You’re interested in how to build emotional intimacy with a man. What will make him fall madly in love with you on more than a sexual level?

It depends on the people involved. However, there are a few things to consider if you’re on a quest to transform your relationship from casual to serious.

How do men develop emotional attraction?

Men develop emotional attraction the same as women; however, it may take them a bit longer — and there’s a biological reason for that.

During intimacy, men’s bodies release dopamine, enhancing their physical pleasure. Women, however, release oxytocin, which affects our bonding and emotional sensibilities.

How do you know if a man is emotionally attracted to you?

If a man is emotionally attracted to you, he’ll want to spend time with you. The relationship will grow beyond lust, and you’ll lean on each other during good times and bad.

Someone who appreciates you for you will care about your goals, feelings, and comfort.

What are the emotional attraction triggers?

Emotional attraction can be triggered in several ways. Empathy, honesty, and integrity form the foundation, and humor is often the cherry on top. For some people, emotional attraction is innate.

Both parties fall fast and hard for each other — like they’ve known one another before. Other times, however, you must work at building an emotional bond with your partner.

Establishing a close, serious relationship with someone requires forging an emotional bond. After all, lust only lasts for so long. Solid relationships are built on genuine care.

How To Create Emotional Attraction With Men & 5 Signs He Feels It – The Feminine Woman – Dating, Love & Relationship Advice for Women

As a woman, there’s no better skill to have than knowing how to attract a man emotionally.

Without this skill, many women find that it is increasingly hard to actually find men who are willing to commit to them.

So, how to create emotional attraction with a man? The answer is to use playful banter, or what we call high value banter.

Most women try to trigger attraction in men using their sexuality, and that sure works.

Except…

It only works to get men to desire you sexually.

It does nothing for getting men to feel EMOTIONAL attraction for you.

Table of Contents

What Is Emotional Attraction?

It is a feeling of being attracted to someone emotionally. When a man is emotionally attracted to you, he thinks about you all the time and becomes fixated on you.

This is different to sexual attraction – sexual attraction is mostly dispensable – sexy people are always out there. But not every woman can inspire emotional attraction in a man. Which is why we are here to learn how to do it!

what triggers emotional attraction in a man?

What trigger emotional attraction in a man is you leading with playfulness.

Here’s what that really means: it means that you interact with a man playfully, and by doing that, you bring out the best in men.

This is a skill that many women no longer have!

The best way to do this is to use high value banter.

If your goal is just to turn a guy on, sure, go ahead and use your sexuality.

But don’t expect it to ever help you achieve emotional attraction with a man.

Because to men, emotions and sexual desire aren’t connected. Men can have sex with, and sexually desire virtually anything and feel nothing for it.

(I’m talking about men in their default state. But once you create emotional attraction with men, everything changes. From that point on, they do end up connecting emotions and sex to one woman. The woman they formed a pair bond with.)

Let me explain this a little more. See, in a man’s brain, the pathways for love and sex don’t overlap much.

Here’s what I mean:

If you were to examine a feminine woman’s brain through an MRI scan, you’d see that the parts of her brain that light up for sex is quite similar to the parts of her brain that light up for love.

There’s a big overlap.

Whereas for most masculine men, the overlap is very small. The part of his brain that lights up when thinking about sex is very different to the parts of his brain that light up when thinking about love.

You can read more about the differences between men and women in this article on 5 Things Every Woman Ought To Know About Men.

Of course, you need sex and love within a healthy relationship.

And both of these will come, but it’s dangerous to lead with your sexuality and sexual desirability when first dating guys, as you could end up losing the opportunity to build emotional attraction with a man!

So, if our goal is to build emotional attraction, then we need to use the right type of communication. (Ie: banter!)

CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! (Works like magic in a high vale non-needy way!)

How To Attract A Man Emotionally? Use Playful Banter.

When it comes to building emotional attraction with a man, the most important skill to have is the ability to use and engage in playful banter. And I’ll show you some examples of playful banter very soon.

Now, for women, using playful banter might seem challenging. Many women don’t communicate with other women using banter.

Most women communicate feelings and emotions through lengthy talks with one another.

(However, there are exceptions to this and some women who grew up with brothers find that they’re familiar with banter and use it naturally themselves.)

Of course, guys communicate a little differently to women. Most guys tend to not talk a lot unless and until they think there’s a point, or they need to in order to solve a problem.

Of course, there are guys who do talk. You may know a few men who are easy to sit down and have a chat with. That’s great!

However, they usually last for less time than women do, and are more likely to check out or simply walk off, leaving the conversation.

This is because masculine energy errs on the side of seeking challenges and problems to solve.

In order to do that, they need to feel empty. Having emotion in the picture makes them terribly unskilled men.

Make sense?

Recommended: 12 Concealed Signs He Is Pretending Not To Like You.

In fact, if a man were to spend a lot of time in his feelings, and talking about them with other guys, they’d start to think he was some really weird (perhaps weak) kind of guy.

Talking about feelings rather drains men, unless they really like the woman who is talking to them. (Or they intend to act the part so that they can talk their way into her pants).

When a man and woman fall in love, this is when you’re most likely to see a guy being willing to talk on the phone for hours.

This is why I mentioned that unless a guy is in love, talking for a long period of time isn’t what they prefer. Especially if it’s a serious talk that involves a lot of feelings and talking in circles.

This is also one reason why having “the talk” backfires on women.

Guys tend to relate better to banter-type talking and are less likely to pull away from it.

Because of this, it’s much easier for you, a woman, to build both emotional connection and emotional attraction with men using playful banter.

Why?

Because it breaks down his defenses, and allows him to get emotionally closer to you without the pressure of serious talks.

Banter also paves the way for deeper emotional connection and deeper discussion. If you want to connect more deeply with a man, then banter opens that exact door for you!

With banter, you can bypass the clash of the feminine bias in communication versus the masculine bias in communication, and it inspires men to feel excited to connect with you.

So, whilst you may think that using banter seems fake and unnatural for you as a woman, it’s actually not.

In fact, banter is a natural progression in play and connection, even in childhood.

Still afraid that bantering will make you one of the guys?

Perhaps you’re afraid that it might make you appear less authentic, or make you seem less feminine?

Let me share some insight in response to that concern. The insight is in my answer to a lady who asked this exact question about banter:

Playful Banter Examples

You may be wondering about how playful banter might play out.

Here’s an example of how one of our members Kate made high value banter work for her (and these examples are just one of many).

Kate: “Hi. Nice beard. But I’m wondering…are you looking for a date or just a bang trim?”

Guy: Date and a bang trim, lol.

See how it plays out below:

Here’s an example of what happened with our lovely member Alena when she used our high value banter:

And here is Alena again, sharing more of her happiness with her guy whom she met online using high value banter (yes, she’s still going strong with the same guy, 9 months later:

And look what happened with our member Kristin:

I’ll share more specific examples of banter used by our members soon! But for now, I’m sure you’re probably wondering why playful banter is the answer to inspiring men to feel emotional attraction for you.

Why Does High Value Banter Create Emotional Attraction With A Man?

Why do you need the skill of flirty banter or playful banter in order to build emotional attraction with a man? There are two reasons why.

As my hubby (and creator of the high value banter method) and I have delved deeper into banter, attraction and mating strategies of us humans, here are a couple things we’ve concluded…

Playful banter, whether through text or body language when face to face, is what kick-starts the initial stages of the falling-in-love or pair bonding process of humans.
Now, it may come as no surprise to you that research has shown that playfulness contributes positively to starting a relationship altogether with the opposite sex.
In fact, it is a critical part of our own “mating dance” just as how other animals have their own unique mating dance.
You may have noticed this in a few other high value couples who have fallen in love: they often use flirty banter unconsciously!
Also, good girlfriends sometimes even banter with each other…if you can poke fun at each other, then that’s a close and secure friendship.
Of course, in order to fall in love and start a committed relationship, you need two things.
What are these two things?
Emotional attraction and emotional connection! Without these two things, you cannot have a successful romantic relationship.
So always remember, playful banter builds emotional attraction with men.
Kids typically learn this type of verbal or non verbal banter from very early on in their lives, and it’s a natural progression of human communication that serves romance.
It’s not uncommon for children of age 3-4 to begin using banter in some way, if they have secure attachments in their lives.
Now due to the fact that I have three sons, I’ve observed first hand how securely attached children interact with children of the opposite sex.
It goes a little bit like this:
He sticks his tongue out at her, she returns the gesture…
He pokes her, she pokes him back. She tags him, he tags her back.. This playful back and forth interaction then escalates.
It often escalates to the boy and the girl taking turns in chasing each other, or depending on their age, even trying to kiss each other.
This is actually the physical manifestation of playfulness and future bantering.
Unfortunately, largely due to insecure attachment or even the regimented nature of every day school, lots of kids eventually lose the innate ability to banter.
(Worse still, in today’s age, many are even afraid of using it.)
Regardless, in younger securely attached and confident children, you will see them developing the skill of banter as they grow up.

I do believe that there’s a strong correlation between secure attachments and your ability to playfully banter with attunement.

Of course, due to the large number of women with anxious-avoidant attachment style, bantering does not feel natural to them.

If you think you may be one of these ladies who struggles with insecure attachment, or if you feel you are too afraid to upset a guy and fear he will leave you if you banter with him, I recommend you help yourself heal, as well as work out your unique attachment style by taking our women-specific quiz…

QUIZ TIME: Anxious, avoidant or secure attachment patterns? Which one do I have? CLICK HERE to find out with our specially crafted women-specific 10 Question Quiz!

(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!)

Despite Insecure Attachment, Can You Develop This Skill?

Notwithstanding this fact, that does not mean that we cannot develop the skill. We can develop our own style of banter that we are comfortable with.

Playful banter (what we call High Value Banter) is an advanced social skill that we humans specialise in.

It is advanced because we’re dealing with other people, so we never have a lot of control over things.

Because of that, this skill of high value banter requires a bit of practice for you to become calibrated and competent.

And yet, every single one of us is designed to be good at it, although our early childhood experiences may hinder that.

QUIZ TIME: Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with this specially crafted quiz! (All the answers you seek about him lie within these 8 questions.)

There Is No One Perfect Way To Banter With Men

Now, every woman may prefer her own style of bantering.

You may prefer a bold style, more like ‘negging’, or you may prefer a softer push and pull type of banter.

If you’d like to investigate the method of negging (back-handed compliments, etc), you may enjoy the Q & A that hubby D.Shen did on how to use negging:

If instead, you like the softer push and pull method, there’s a method called ‘The Airin Method’ that my husband shares in his premium program High Value Profile and Banter.

(There are actually 7 different bantering methods that he teaches in High Value Profile and Banter!)

Let me share with you our member Jackie’s whimsical method of bantering:

(She is the purple in the conversation).

See how Jackie’s style is playful, and inspires the guy to also keep the conversation momentum going?

What Happens If You Start A Relationship With No Playfulness And Banter?

If you don’t have that element of playfulness in your interactions, what will happen is that you’ll most likely fall into a relationship out of convenience.

Relationships born out of convenience don’t have a lot of emotional attraction in them, if they have any at all!

That may seem harmless, but it’s not.

In fact, convenience is the most unstable foundation you could build any romantic relationship upon!

Often it’s the couples who fall into relationships out of convenience that end up unhappy and unfulfilled together.

(Here are 5 “must follow” rules to ensure you have a successful long term emotionally committed relationship.)

Without attraction and connection in your love life, it feels empty, and the people in the relationship cease to feel alive.

That feeling of ‘aliveness’ comes for both partners when there is attraction.

What Kind Of Relationships Do Insecurely Attached Children End Up Having?

Sometimes when you don’t have a secure attachment to an adult growing up, the process of learning this advanced social skill can be delayed indefinitely.

When you as a child are in fight or flight mode a lot of the time, you don’t have the energy and the resources to properly develop this social skill.

So a lot of the time, these insecurely attached children end up disillusioned in relationships later on, because they haven’t developed some of these important social skills for intimate relationships.

In other words, these children “fall” into relationships (perhaps convenient ones) that didn’t begin with a whole lot of emotional attraction.

(Because High Value Banter initiates the process of emotional attraction. Without it, even the most ‘compatible’ relationship is going to feel lacklustre.)

Regardless, here’s the good news:

You can develop this skill and use high value banter to your own benefit!

If you can incorporate this skill, you’ll find that you’re having way more fun than other women in dating, especially in online dating.

(In fact, we have a 71 year old customer of our program ‘High Value Profile and Banter’ who is having the time of her life and absolutely killing it with online dating!)

She even realised that the lost art of banter is what allowed her mother to not get too attached to a guy too soon.

Here’s a little snippet of her story:

It’s Easy To Point The Finger At Men For A Lacklustre Love Life

When we feel hopeless in our love life, it becomes easy to always sit in our comfort zone and point the finger elsewhere (at men for example).

But if we sit and blame others, we are essentially unresourceful, and will therefore find it harder to attract the love that we want.

So, know that playful banter is one social skill that makes all the difference in love, attraction and relationships.

It is the thing that will make you stand out in online dating or in real life dating. It allows you to stand out to men as an exciting and mesmerising woman whom they cannot help but ask out on dates!

Because (surprise, surprise), you managed to easily establish some initial emotional attraction with them!

How To Use High Value Banter To Create Emotional Attraction With A Man

Now, how do you use playful banter to build emotional attraction with a guy. My husband and I wrote an article on it.

The ‘how’ is largely contextual to your present situation with a guy.

The good news is that you can get a whole bunch of examples of how to banter with a guy within different contexts in our free class on the dark feminine art of high value banter.

(The class is run by D.Shen, the creator of this method).

But here’s a few examples to give you a taste of this game changing method (as described by so many of our members) of building emotional attraction with men.

A good example of banter for you to get a taste of it:

You match with a guy in online dating, and you want to initiate in a high value way that builds emotional attraction with him.

Easy! Use playful banter that encourages the establishment of emotional attraction.

You: Oh wow, would you look at that? We matched! You know what I love about your profile?

Him: Hey! What do you love about my profile?

You: Absolutely nothing! [insert playful fun emoji here].

Case in point: here’s a lady in our group who used this to successfully establish a spellbinding conversation with a guy.

Have a look:

See how this playfulness is far from boring? See how it creates fun and excitement in the conversations?

Another example, which is a question we get asked a lot about how to handle, in our facebook support group. Take the situation where you start talking to a guy online, and he asks you:

“What are you looking for?”

You say:

“I’m looking for the person who stole my mother’s bike 11 years ago. You don’t happen to have a pink bike do you?”

See D.Shen’s advice to a woman below on this:

Give A Guy Space Build Emotional Attraction?

Giving a guy space can serve your relationship with him in the sense that it gives him the opportunity to miss you.

However, just giving a guy space in the hope that it will make a man feel emotionally attracted to you is nonsensical.

It’s like the idea that just “leaning back” will make him value you more.

Well, it can in theory.

However, it only makes him vaue you more and chase you more if you guys had enough emotional attraction and emotional connection between you in the first place!

(By the way, you might be interested in my article How To Make Him Chase You [High Value Woman Secrets].)

It’s definitely not the “space” that creates the emotional attraction.

It can be one tool you use after you’ve established the romantic tension that’s necessary for emotional attraction to occur, but it is not the direct solution.

You have to show up as an intrinsically valuable woman in the first place, in order to inspire a man to feel emotionally attracted to you!

So, you don’t have to be passive or absent in order to be emotionally attractive to men.

You don’t want to chase men, because that’s low value. But you can most definitely initiate in high value ways.

There are 7 common signs a woman is perceived as low value to all men, because men simply perceive value differently to women. Do you know what these signs are and how to avoid them like the plague? CLICK HERE to download this special report.

Can You Initiate With A Guy Without Looking Like You Are Chasing Him?

The answer is that you can definitely initiate contact with a guy without chasing him.

A lot of women have this misconception in their mind and it goes like this:

I can’t initiate with a guy, or “lead” with a guy because that will make me appear too “MaScULiNe”.

Well if you never initiate with a guy, you might just lose him.

Also, in other good news…

You can also easily create emotional attraction with a guy, even if you’re the one initiating!

In fact, you can initiate online or in person.

There are 3 good reasons why women should initiate in online dating.

If you want to reach out to a guy online first without looking low value, you can say something like this:

Wow, you have some nice photos, is that to compensate for your dull personality? Kidding.

Or…

Wow, you have some nice photos, do you have a photographer friend I can get to know?

Push And Pull: A High Value Way To Build Emotional Attraction With A Guy

Now, I know that the above examples may seem “harsh”. But that’s why we call it the “dark” feminine art of high value banter!

If you want to establish emotional attraction, then you cannot afford to be nice and polite! It’s too boring, and boring won’t get you a partner, especially online.

You need to be able to use your playfulness to engage in the push and pull of banter.

It is the push and pull that will help you create uncertainty. The uncertainty build excitement.

Also, uncertainty is the essence of romance, as said by Oscar Wilde:

Remember this:

The goal here is playfulness. We don’t have bad intent.

If a guy cannot pick up that you’re being playful, even despite you using playful emojis, then that says a lot about the strength of his character.

The best and most long-lasting marriages have this secret ingredient in them: humour and playfulness.

You need to appeal to the deeper parts of a guy, the parts where all the juice is.

Not to mention, the fact that high value banter does not work on every guy is a very good thing!

Look what Seroun had to say about this:

By the way, we don’t condone sarcasm as a form of banter.

Sarcasm and banter and very different! So you don’t need to worry about coming across as sarcastic, as long as you intend to bring out the playfulness in guys!

Even though it doesn’t work on every guy, it gets you asked out quicker and more often by the high value guys!

And there’s nothing wrong with ‘losing’ the wrong kinds of men.

You goal is not to create emotional attraction with a low value guy. You want to build emotional attraction with a high value man.

Using high value banter helps you separate the men who are serious about connecting with you (and who are not boring), and the ones who may just be low value and/or narcissistic.

The men with their self esteem in tact will easily and eagerly respond to high value banter.

They don’t mind it, because they don’t feel that their fragile sense of self is threatened.

They are unafraid to engage and attune themselves to you, and they are high value enough that they don’t walk around with this underlying fear that every woman is going to reject them!

Is High Value Banter Nasty And Mean?

Some women have expressed worry that playful banter or high value banter is mean, and will just push guys away.

Look:

The idea of bantering with a guy is never to be mean or to bring a man’s self esteem down.

It is a method of communicating that sends a clear message to men:

The message that you value connection and attraction.

And when you value connection and attraction, you will always bring value to the men you like the most!

That “value” to men especially, is emotional attraction and emotional connection. It is these two things that make you the woman men commit to, and not the woman that men leave!

So if you would like to explore the realm of the dark feminine art of high value banter and become highly intuitive at building emotional attraction with a guy, then check out our free class:

CLICK here to discover how online dating has completely changed and why you as a woman need to use “High Value Banter” in order to quickly weed out the wrong types of men online and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”! (…Even if no man has ever given you any love and all you’ve encountered so far are pen pals, ghosts, booty calls, and incredible duds!)

(My man David runs this free class and I highly recommend you listen to it. )

Frequently Asked Questions About Emotional Attraction

Signs He Is Emotionally Attracted To You

He thinks about you a lot.
He tens to initiate contact just as much as you (if not more).
He wants to protect your feelings.
He pines for you (ie: he misses you a lot).
He wants to commit to you. (FYI, all men secretly love to commit. This is why.)

Signs A Man Is Emotionally Attached To You

He wants to spend as much time as he possibly can with you.
He starts to develop habits that a similar to, or mirror yours.
He wants to make sure you’re ok before he leaves.
He actually cares about you and doesn’t mind feeling what you feel.

Now, over to you! Do you have any questions or thoughts on this article? Please share them with us below. We learn best from hearing from each other!

P. S. If you liked this article,CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.

By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.

Here’s my Youtube Channel The Feminine Woman.
Here’s The Feminine Woman Facebook page…
Here’s my Instagram Pages TheFeminineWoman & My Personal Instagram.

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Renee Wade

Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.

Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.

15 subtle ways to create an emotional connection with a man :: Infoniak

22 Mar, 2022 06:26 20627 Relationships

18+

Incredible Facts

Connecting with a man on an emotional level is what makes him fall in love with you. This is what turns one fleeting night into a long-term relationship. The main thing is to learn how to do it.

Physical attraction is the simplest part of a relationship between a man and a woman.

A study published in the Journal of Neurology found that, neurologically speaking, the neurochemical response associated with being in love is triggered in as little as one-fifth of a second. That is, it takes us a fraction of a second to decide if we are interested in a person.

The bottom line is that physical attraction can be short-lived. At the same time, emotional attraction, when you are attracted to a person’s personality, his thoughts, dreams and spiritual qualities, remains for a long time.

Here are 15 ways to create an emotional connection with a man, according to experts.

How to create an emotional connection with a man

1. Use touch to get closer

If you don't know how to show a person that you like them and take the initial attraction to the next level, the first and easiest thing to do is to use more physical touch.

Take every opportunity for to hug or lightly touch the man as you pass him. Remove imaginary lint from his sweater or shirt, or take it somewhere by holding his hand.

Such touches should be quick and casual . It's a simple and effective way to gradually bond and build chemistry between you or take a friendship to a more emotional level.

2. Compliment

Having a positive attitude towards the man you like will help you build the foundation of a strong emotional attachment.

Almost everyone loves compliments, even if they don't know how to take them.

Read also: 100+ original options for how to respond to a compliment

Therefore, try to compliment the man you like whenever possible, positively influencing his self-confidence when he is next to you.

Don't do it all the time . If you bombard him with compliments non-stop, they will look insincere. Try to become for him a woman with whom he wants to be near, helping him feel at his best.

As his confidence grows, he will appreciate the positive influence you have on him, and his emotional attachment to you will also grow until he can imagine being without you.

3. Do not rush to bed with a man

If you notice that your relationship often ends quickly before you have time to establish an emotional connection with a man, this may be due to the fact that you enter into an intimate relationship too early .

You may think that physical intimacy will help you keep a man or make him love you more, but this is not so. A man will not be with you just because you will have sex with him. Remember that you are worth much more.

If you jump right into the physical side of a relationship, it can get too intense and fade quickly. When the excitement of the honeymoon wears off and there isn't an emotional connection between you, there won't be a strong enough attraction between you to keep you together, and your relationship may end.

When to make love is your personal decision, and this does not mean that the relationship will not develop if you started immediately with intimacy. However, better wait until you feel more comfortable before getting physically closer.

Try to establish an emotional connection first by going on dates, doing things together, and getting to know who the person is. This is important in order for the emotional attraction between you to grow and develop into the longer lasting relationship you desire.

4. Communicate and get to know each other better

Have you tried to communicate with a man? Think about the conversations you had when you spent time together. How well do you really know this man?

Or maybe your relationship revolves around intimacy or work or some other business? Ask yourself if you spend time together to hear what the person thinks, what their views of the world are, what they like or dislike .

If you talk a lot but still don't know much about him, consider whether you're trying to dominate the conversation.

Read also: 100+ Tricky Questions to Ask a Pen Guy

If a man does not want to talk about personal topics, try to talk about topics that are closer to him, or ask him questions about him . Give him time to open up to you if he wants to. Talk and laugh together, show that he can trust you, and this will strengthen your relationship.

5. Take an interest in his hobby

If you want to connect emotionally with the man you like, try to join one of his favorite activities or let him schedule a date while doing what he likes.

Try to encourage him to talk about topics he enjoys, and enthusiastically join him in doing something he's good at, even if it's new to you.

You may not show much interest in his hobbies, whether it's playing football, a particular genre of music, or even cooking. Whatever it is, try to be open so you can learn more about his interests for his sake. And be positive about trying it. You might like it too.

The point is not that you have to adopt his hobby, but to show that you are interested in him and are ready to join what he likes, know how to support and accept him for who he is.

Doing things together that your man enjoys will help him feel more relaxed around you. In his comfort zone, it will be easier for him to open up to you, and you will get to know him better.

6. Be considerate and show that you care

Arranging little surprises and showing that you care about him is an easy way to form a stronger emotional attachment in a man.

You don't have to do something big. Show that you remember what he mentioned about himself, or cook his favorite meal.

It could just be the morning coffee you bought him on the way, or the sandwich you brought him for a date.

He will notice your attention, and may want to do the same for you, gradually thinking about your needs. He will appreciate you more because of your concern and the fact that you are ready to support him.

Small gestures like these will help him get to know you better and lead to a stronger emotional connection.

How to build a relationship with a man

7. Listen to a man

It seems quite simple and you may think that you are already doing it, but very often we do not hear what a man says so well.

Avoid the following errors :

First of all, don't interrupt with . Even if you have a similar experience that you want to share, or you want to show that you understand him by commenting, refrain from commenting until he has finished speaking. It can be difficult for him to open up, and no matter how harmless your comments may seem to you, they can unsettle him and make him feel that you are trying to take control of the conversation.

Also do not try to “save” a man all the time . There may be times when he seeks advice, but sometimes he just needs someone to talk to. Listening does not always mean solving the problem, it means giving him the opportunity to speak out and share the emotions he is experiencing without interruption and judgment.

The more he feels that he can trust and rely on you, the more valuable you will become to him. This will only strengthen your emotional connection, as you will be an indispensable partner for him in good times and bad.

8. Don't share all the information too soon

Many women believe that in order to fall in love with a man, it is best to be completely frank with him and share all your thoughts.

It seems to you that by sharing your personal history and secrets, you will be able to get closer faster and this will create an emotional attraction between you.

However, not all so simple. If you have strong feelings for a man and are ready to tell him about them, this does not mean that he feels the same way. If you share your feelings with him too soon, it can push him away and make him run while he can.

Getting close too early can be intimidating, especially if the man isn't as emotionally open as you are.

Conversations about difficult, personal topics can weigh down relationships because you have to bear the burden of the secrets you shared. If your relationship is still in its infancy, it will stifle any casualness and make it serious too quickly.

Don't overload a man by turning dates into interviews. Let them happen naturally, and as you get to know each other better, you will find that in the process you get closer and learn more about each other.

The more you try to force emotional attraction, the less likely it will be between you. The best thing you can do is act natural and be patient, resisting the urge to rush the process.

9. Don't rush things

Try to slow down attempts to force the relationship. Perhaps you like a man and want to show that you care about him. You may be tempted to speed up the development of your relationship, but this is what can cause them to end prematurely.

He will either be put off by the fact that you are too assertive while he does not yet feel the same, or he will quickly become bored because your efforts deprive the relationship of pleasure.

If you really want to create a lasting emotional connection with someone, let the relationship develop at its own pace, even if it's slower than you'd like.

Perhaps he hasn't gone through a past relationship yet, or is at a stage in his life where he's not looking for something serious. Perhaps he perceives you simply as a friend, but this does not mean that there is no connection between you and the possibility of developing into something more.

Don't try to force him to spend time together or be who you think he wants you to be. Keep your independence, your own circle of friends and hobbies, and don't give up everything for it. If something is destined to happen, it will happen, you just need to give time for the feelings to develop.

10. Stay independent

Availability does not contribute to building relationships with a man. It takes time to develop feelings and emotional attachment, and this can be achieved by respecting each other as individuals.

Of course, you want to show that you will always be with a man, and want to spend as much time with him as possible. But it's also important for to keep his independence, friends and interests by not adjusting his life to his life too soon . This will help maintain balance and maintain a healthy relationship.

The time spent apart from him will help you better understand how you both feel. Doing something for yourself will give you self-confidence and a charge of happiness that you can give him.

Also, time apart will give him the opportunity to understand how much he misses you , and the time spent together will be more intense and enjoyable for both, bringing you even closer.

Try not to lose yourself in a relationship. Reinforce the best qualities in each other, and do not give up yourself to please the other. Remember your happiness, and all other components of the relationship will fall into place.

11. Be strategically vulnerable around him

If you want to show a man that you are someone he can trust and open up to, you may need to take the first step.

It will be hard for him to open up and be emotionally vulnerable around you if you can't do the same with him.

If you are reserved and closed, you should not expect anything else from him. While you are in such an impasse, it is difficult for relationships to develop.

At the same time, you should not go too far and constantly throw out all your thoughts and feelings. If a man is not very emotional, this will overwhelm him and deprive your relationship of pleasure.

But you can show him that it's okay to be emotionally vulnerable by revealing some of your personal information and breaking down walls.

If you don't constantly bombard a man with deep, heavy conversations, then the moments when you open up to him will have a greater effect. He will notice that you obviously trust him enough to share more personal feelings and memories with him, and this will encourage him to do the same, creating an emotional attraction.

You don't always have to stick to "safe" topics of conversation, like careers, pets, or how your weekend went.

Remember that the emotional connection must be deep. If you treat the person you are interested in as a casual acquaintance, he will continue to perceive you that way, even if he is interested in something more. If you want to continue the relationship, don't be afraid to open up and be honest about your feelings.

12. Accept that a man can show his feelings differently

Do you expect a man to behave in a certain way? What should he do to show you that he likes you?

You should keep in mind that in people show their feelings in different ways. Just because you expect a man to behave in a certain way does not mean that he will.

He may be outwardly unemotional, or he may find it difficult to express his emotions clearly. For example, you are used to giving compliments to show that you like a person. He, in turn, can show feelings by surprising you on dates or with gifts.

You may think that physical touching and flirting are a sign of how much the person likes you, while the may show interest by protecting you or expressing a desire to spend more time at home.

Try to learn more about a man in order to understand his way of expressing love.

He may not show you that you are attracted to him in the way you expect, but this does not mean that he does not show it at all.

13. Let him know the real you

When we first meet, we always want to make a good first impression. We carefully monitor our appearance, tell our best stories so as not to embarrass ourselves.

However, there will come a point when you start to relax in front of someone you like.

You are human and you cannot be perfect all the time. If you can't relax in front of the man you like, he will never know the real you.

If you find it difficult to create an emotional connection with a man, think about how you appear before him .

Do you let him know the one behind the makeup, hair and jokes? Can you be imperfect around him and let him get to know the real you, where you may not always say or do the right thing but still be yourself?

Emotional attraction is hard to come by if you don't allow your true personality to come out and act the way you want to be perceived.

Be yourself, and if a man doesn't like you like that, no external attributes will create an emotional connection between you.

14. Think about whether you are suitable for each other

If you can't connect emotionally with a man, it doesn't always mean there's something wrong with you or that you're doing everything wrong. Perhaps you just haven't found the right person yet.

Emotional attraction cannot be forced . It can take a while to develop, but if you've given it that time and tried your best to let your relationship develop naturally and it doesn't, then the attraction just isn't there.

Emotional attachment is not something that can be rushed or faked, and it can take some time to develop.

If you want an emotional attraction between you, this does not mean that it will definitely arise. We don't always choose the right partner, and as you get to know each other, it will become clear if you are truly compatible.

If you cannot establish an emotional connection with a man, perhaps this is simply not meant to be. In such a case, it is best to accept this fact and try to move on to avoid more suffering.

15. Be true to your chosen relationship

If you really want a relationship with someone to work, you need to trust and commit yourself to the relationship.

Often this means accepting the fact that nothing will work out, but what you feel is worth continuing despite the risk.

If you've dated multiple men, but really want to make it work with one of them, then you need to cut ties with the rest and focus on just one.

You won't be able to create a deeper and more emotional attraction to a person if you throw your attention on a lot of other people.

It will be difficult for a man to open up to you if you cannot devote your time and attention to him, and there is no level of trust between you that is necessary in order to ignite emotional, and not just physical attraction.

The thought of failing and hurting you can be intimidating and turn you away from commitment to one person. But, if you want a more emotionally charged relationship, it might be worth the risk.

Author: Filipenko L.V.

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Restoration of sexual desire in a couple

Indeed, in a stable and long-term relationship, sexual life gradually loses the novelty that was at the beginning. And if a couple notices such a trend, it is necessary to act immediately.

What determines sexual desire?

In both men and women, it depends on testosterone levels. True, men are much stronger. If a man's testosterone levels are low, his sex drive will also decrease. With age, after forty years, a decrease in testosterone is inevitable, and therefore, a decrease in sexual desire for a couple cannot be avoided. In women, this relationship is also traced, but not so clearly.

In addition to the biological component, sexual desire depends on emotional reactions to a partner. If a couple has a place for positive emotions and feelings towards a partner, this will stimulate both sexual desire and sexual arousal. And vice versa - negative emotions in relation to a partner, negative assessments of sex, chronic conflicts - all this becomes an obstacle to the further development of sexual activity.

When does sexual desire begin?

It does not suddenly appear in our lives. The formation of healthy sexual reactions, in particular, sexual desire, begins in early childhood. At preschool age, the foundation of future sexuality is laid - the child's awareness of his gender, the assimilation of sex-role forms of behavior, the assimilation of the requirements put forward by society for boys and girls.

Formation of the actual sexual desire occurs in adolescence - through manifestations of the first teenage love, poems, kisses, courtship, etc. At the same time, it is important that adults pay attention to the formation of the emotional-sensory component of adolescents' sexual desire. The best option would be to conduct appropriate trainings on sexual literacy. If the emotional-sensory component is not formed, the possibility of creating stable relationships is reduced, and if the couple develops, then in the future the absence of the emotional-sensory component will also affect the strength of sexual desire in the couple.

Causes of decreased libido

In order to help a couple's sexual problems, in particular a decrease in libido, it is first necessary to identify the cause(s) that led to this.

Sometimes it can be a medical problem, sometimes a drug problem. There are times when sexual desire is reduced due to depression, life crisis, severe stress.

Lifestyle influences sexual desire the most. For example, with the abuse of beer, certain changes begin in the liver, which causes more and more fat deposits. At the same time, not only the subcutaneous fat layer grows, but also the mass of internal (visceral) fat enveloping the internal organs. And this fat promotes the production of female hormones (estrogens) in the male body, which, in addition to the general danger of this fat for the health of any person, leads to problems in the genital area.

In addition, sexual desire is directly related to how much time a couple spends in front of TV or on the Internet. The abuse of this way of spending leisure time is very harmful to the maintenance of sexual desire in spouses. The intimate relationships of some couples can also be negatively affected by the excessive exploitation of erotica, sex and their general banalization, since this can cause satiety, a willingness to passively consume the offered erotica, and not take part in the creation of erotic relationships.

But most often the decrease in desire is psychogenic in nature and occurs against the background of chronic family conflicts. And, undoubtedly, attraction disappears where there is no love.

Point of no return

The practice of sexological counseling shows that it is possible to resolve the issue of strengthening or, more precisely, returning sexual desire only up to a certain point.

Delaying the solution of the problem, expecting that everything will somehow settle down and recover when the children grow up, as a rule, is not a constructive solution. Because in the sexual life of a couple there is such a thing as a "point of no return." This is a state when at some point the sexual attraction to a particular partner disappears completely.

Conflicts, quarrels, reproaches, betrayals, distrust and constant jealousy - all this destroys relationships and sexual desire. In the end, when too much of this negativity accumulates, the couple reaches the point of no return. When it is reached, the couple has very little chance of resuming and harmonizing their sexual life.

How not to lose sexual desire?

First of all, we must remember that the level of attraction to the same person is not eternal. Don't expect the thrill of the early stages of building a relationship to last for years. For the preservation of sexual harmony, spouses must consciously resort to certain actions. The life of a couple should be filled with joint cultural growth. If she experiences vivid emotions together, then this adds stability and brightness to her sex life.

It is also desirable to ensure that a couple does not have many friendly and comradely forms of interaction. Since, as practice shows, in many couples where sexual desire is reduced, partners often begin to treat each other as friends. At the same time, forgetting that the wife, even at home, should look attractive and sexy. The same applies to the husband.

For the preservation of sexual desire, the couple must "acquire" a sense of community, the unity of the couple. What should be achieved through altruistic manifestations to each other. The effort put in is worth it. After all, if the couple's sexual life was active from a young age, this increases the chances that even after reaching a mature and respectable age, the couple will remain sexually active.

For the timely normalization of relations, it is important to be able to discuss sexual issues with each other. Share desires, expectations and fantasies. If the couple is too busy, for example, working and raising children, then it is possible to practice fast sex from time to time so that both feel that they are desired by each other. But you should not abuse fast sex. If a couple completely eliminates thoughtful slow sex, then there is a risk of completely losing emotional contact.

To increase sexual desire, a couple must learn to rethink their old attitudes and to discard without regret everything that interferes with enjoyment. And at the same time learn to maintain not only sexual desire, but also good relationships. Thus, the absence of verbal and tactile contact creates the idea in the partner that he is not desired, that he is no longer loved. With the advent of children, they must be separated from the parental bedroom, then the intimate life of the couple will last longer.

When the sexual desire begins to decline, then usually the main accusations and claims are voiced to the partner who is less active. At the same time, in order to eliminate the problem, and most importantly, to maintain harmony, it is necessary to adapt precisely to the more passive partner, with subsequent actions to strengthen the declining attraction.

How to restore sexual desire?

The first step should be to identify the cause that led to a decrease in sexual desire. The sooner it is discovered, the more successful the result will be. In general, when there is a persistent decline in attraction in a couple, there can be general recommendations:

- to exclude the presence of medical problems that may lead to a decrease in sexual activity;

- do not demand or impose intimacy. Most often, the initiator is the one who suffers from the loss of a partner's sexual desire, and falls into a vicious circle when there is a sexual desire, and it is strong, and the partner or partner has a problem with this;

- be patient. It may take some time for the situation that led to a decrease in sexual desire to somewhat level off;

- as an option - you can temporarily switch to the so-called mechanical sex, where the initiator will be the one whose feelings have not yet faded. But with the obligatory consideration of the feelings of the partner;

- try to change something in your appearance in order to become the most new object for your partner;

- practice joint discussion of intimate topics, intimate experiences; joint viewing of erotic films;

- optimize your work/study schedule, as chronic physical and mental fatigue will negatively affect sexual activity. The same goes for chronic stress caused by a hateful job;

- if possible, change the place of meeting or place of sexual contact;

- diversify or change the sexual scenario, add novelty to intimate life;

- show feelings more, do not hide them from each other;

- a good way to increase sexual desire is to involuntarily touch your partner while performing everyday activities. You also need to devote enough time to joint conversations;

- the couple must learn not to accumulate problems, misunderstandings or resentment. To do this, you need to develop the ability to talk about your feelings, needs, and also to accept that another's feelings and needs may be different;

- get rid of selfishness in relationships, fill them with altruistic color;

- sometimes it is useful for a while to choose a different communication format that will meet the interests of both partners;

- in case of depression or stress in the other partner - give time for them to live.