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Signs of depression in relationships


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signs of depression in your boyfriend

If you notice that your relationship with your beloved man has changed dramatically for the worse, and it’s his fault, if your lover has begun to treat you completely differently than before, do not rush to blame him. It may very well be that your sweetheart is depressed. Now we will tell you how to recognize it.

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Always so level-headed and caring, he suddenly rolls up a row over an egg not boiled in a bag, as he likes, but hard boiled. A day later, your skirt falls under a hot hand: "The limit of bad taste, how can you buy this?" Hearing a timid remark that he himself chose her for you last year, he is offendedly silent for three hours. Further - even worse. He does not go to his best friend's birthday and generally stops going anywhere. He doesn’t call his mother for a month (it’s better not to remember about yours with him). Complains of chest pain and insomnia. You sort through the versions: fell out of love, problems at work, secret debts, a midlife crisis, aliens and fell out of love again ...

Attempts to understand and cheer up are replaced by confusion, resentment and even anger: “How much can you do? Which of us is a woman with a weak psyche, and who is the head of the family and the man in the house? However, this does not give results, at least not positive ones. If time passes, and the condition of a loved one remains the same, worsens or even becomes unpredictable, we can talk about depression.

In contrast to a bad mood, she sucks in completely and does not let go. You need to take the problem seriously. Psychologist, candidate of sociological sciences Anetta Orlova urges not to confuse depression with blues and not to consider it the prerogative of the weaker sex: “This disease is considered to be female. But every year, about eight million men in Russia experience a bout of depression. With one this happens once in a lifetime, and the other begins to suffer bouts of recurring depression. nine0029

Refine


How to understand that a man has a disease, and not a bad character, which he successfully hid during the period of courtship? Typically, depression is characterized by a complex of symptoms. Psychologist Nadezhda Zarochintseva advises to take a closer look at your partner: “Sudden pain (most often in the heart), sleep disturbance, loss of appetite and sexual desire, apathy, nervousness are the main symptoms of depression along with a low emotional background, stunted speech and movements, aggressiveness, gambling , extreme sports or excessive physical activity. nine0003

Be careful: if for a week he sadly and intently studies the ceiling, and then suddenly jumps up and rushes in a car to St. Petersburg to look at the bridges, this does not mean that the depression has receded. On the contrary, you need to be careful.

“Periods of excitement, screaming and swearing can be replaced by complete indifference to what is happening around,” warns Nadezhda Zarochintseva. “Today he spends money in the casino, tomorrow he flies to the Alps for off-piste skiing from a helicopter, and a week later he is already lying at home with an indifferent look. Depression also affects sexual function. A man in horror thinks about impotence, you think about a rival, but in fact the problem is in his head. nine0003

There are several types of depression. The rarest, endogenous, is caused and associated with the work of the brain - fortunately, it overtakes only 1% of the population. Somatogenic manifests itself against the background of injury or illness, and psychogenic is usually caused by the loss or illness of loved ones, serious disappointment, lack of money.

“Diagnosing depression in women is much easier than in men. Boys are used to hiding their emotions and experiences, so pay close attention to what is happening in the life of a loved one and his reaction to events, advises Nadezhda Zarochintseva. “If a depressed man is left unattended, he may begin to seek solace in alcohol and even consider suicide.” nine0003

Help

Few people can get out of depression on their own. A man in such a situation needs your help, and in difficult cases, also a professional consultation. Do not expect that during the first conversation you will merge into an embrace and your tears will mix. Most likely, you will come across aggression and a rude "Don't touch me, everything is fine." Do not insist, do not provoke frank conversations, but constantly emphasize your love and show care. Be interested in how the day went, how you feel, what to cook for dinner. But do not go to extremes: plunging into the experiences of a loved one, you risk your own mental health, and no one needs this, especially in such a situation. nine0003

Seemingly fair maxims about the miners in the slaughter and the starving people of Africa, who are much more difficult, should not be used. After all, the perception of depression as a frivolous problem makes people hide the pain even from their closest ones. Do not make this mistake: show that you understand and accept experiences and your man has the right to them. Think about how to distract your loved one. Even a trip to a neighboring city for the weekend, walks, proper nutrition and tireless sports will help to cope with a mild form. nine0003

And work with your immediate environment. Ask his parents not to be offended by a harsh tone and not to cling to trifles, tell what is happening to mutual friends: let them dispense with the questions “Why are you so sad, old man?” and visit you more often.

If a man loves animals, offer to get a cat or a dog: animals, like fresh air, help relieve nervous tension (only this decision should be as balanced as possible, we are talking about a living being).

If you understand that depression is serious and you cannot cope even together, persuade your loved one to go to a psychologist. Explain that this is a common illness and a visit to a specialist is as necessary as a visit to the dentist for pulpitis. Yes, it’s not pleasant enough, but you can’t pull it, it will only get worse. nine0003

By the way, many representatives of the stronger sex react much better to the word "neurologist". You can start with this doctor, as if about insomnia and palpitations. The specialist, most likely, will be with you at the same time, in addition to physiotherapy, he will advise the same psychologist. In extreme cases, you go to him yourself: he will tell you what tactics to work out and how not to get depressed from what is happening.

Cold head


It happens that the reason for rudeness and bad mood is really caused by cooling towards you. The symptoms may seem similar, but only at first glance. nine0029

You have relationship problems

  • He moved from the bedroom to the sofa in the living room. He does not kiss, does not hug, there is no talk of sex at all.
  • He doesn't like everything you do, from soup to new hair. At the same time, his bad mood does not apply to friends, colleagues and sellers in the store.
  • Weekends and holidays are no longer family days. Every weekend he disappears somewhere, returns late, with lipstick marks on his shirt, sometimes tipsy. nine0077
  • He generally stopped giving you flowers, making coffee in the morning, but he bought himself three new sweaters, four ties and perfume at once.
  • Your favorite series "Friends" stopped making him laugh - he demands to immediately turn off this muck.

He is depressed

  • Sex happens, but often a man is insolvent, which makes him angry or withdraws into himself.
  • Conflicts with everyone: friends, family, boss. She can even shout at the fish in the aquarium: why did they hatch? He suspects everyone around him of plotting against him. nine0077
  • May come in the morning even in the middle of the working week and be completely drunk. At the same time, friends swear that they have not seen him for a month.
  • He can make you breakfast that he won't touch. Shaving and changing shirts every day no longer seems so necessary to him.
  • With the same indifference, he watches the weather forecast, and RBC news, and "Let them talk", and five series of "Luntik" in a row.

Alexandra Ulyanova

Depressed partner support

11/22/2019

Depression is one of the most common mental disorders, affecting more than 350 million people of all age groups.

Every year about 150 million people in the world lose their ability to work due to depression

The support of family and friends is essential in the treatment of mental disorders. However, depression can negatively impact relationships and leave loved ones feeling helpless, frustrated, or afraid. nine0003

There are ways people can support a partner with depression on their journey to recovery.

Questions to ask about symptoms

To understand the severity of a person's depression, it is helpful to study how these symptoms affect their life.

Asking about symptoms also shows a person that his partner is interested in his feelings and experiences.

Useful questions to ask include:

  • Can you help me understand how you feel?
  • What activities do you find enjoyable right now?
  • Do you enjoy spending time with other people?
  • What's wrong with your energy?
  • Do you sleep more or less than usual?
  • Do you eat more or less than usual?
  • Can you focus on things right now?
  • Do you have thoughts of death or suicide? nine0077

Questions to avoid

Avoid asking questions that seem judgmental or that place blame on the person with depression. They may already be blaming themselves for their symptoms and need support rather than further judgment.

It is also important not to oversimplify depression, which is a serious illness.

Examples of questions to avoid include:

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  • Why can't you just cheer up?
  • Don't I make you happy?
  • When will you feel better?
  • Don't you realize that it's all in your head?
  • Why do you attach such importance to this?
  • Do you know that others are in a much worse situation than you?

    • Partner support

    1. Learn about depression

    Learning about depression can make it easier to support those with depression. Learning about symptoms often helps people recognize symptoms in their loved ones.

    Symptoms can range from mild to severe and may change over time. However, symptoms must last at least 2 weeks before a doctor can diagnose depression.

    Symptoms of depression may include:

    • feelings of sadness, worthlessness or guilt
    • loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
    • changes in appetite or weight
    • changes in sleep habits
    • fatigue and loss of energy
    • difficulty concentrating or making decisions
    • thoughts of death or suicide

    2. Understand and acknowledge your partner's feelings

    It is important to listen to a person with depression and express empathy, which is the ability to understand and share other people's feelings. One way to show empathy is to mirror what the person is saying. nine0003

    For example, if he says, "I just feel like things will never get better," their partner might reflect this by saying, "that sounds like you're not looking forward to the future."

    Constant attempts to cheer up a person are useless, as this devalues ​​his condition and feelings. Phrases like “tomorrow will be better” or “try to cheer up” do not take into account the nature of the disease.

    3. Ask your partner what they want from you

    To show further understanding and support, ask the person what they need. He may need:

    • medication reminders
    • company when visiting a doctor or visiting therapy
    • homemade meals
    • encouragement to socialize or exercise
    • hug or hold the hand
    • to be left alone sometimes

    Useful questions to ask include:

    • How can I help you?
    • Would it be helpful if I...?

    4. Encourage your partner to heal

    Depression can cause a person to lose their motivation, which can be a barrier to seeking treatment. However, most people with depression need treatment to get better.

    Those who support someone with depression can play an important role in their recovery by encouraging them to seek medical help. nine0003

    To inspire a partner to seek treatment, a person can try:

    • joint detection and documentation of your partner's symptoms
    • expression of desire to help
    • discussion of treatment options such as medication, psychotherapy and lifestyle changes
    • accompaniment to doctor appointments

    5. Support your partner during recovery

    Recovery from depression can sometimes be difficult. To support a partner in the recovery process:

    • help them keep track of their prescriptions and medications
    • do some exercise together
    • plan and prepare healthy meals together
    • try to reduce stressors at home
    • make your goals small and achievable
      • nine0076 encourage them to socialize with other people
    • plan fun activities together
    • pay attention to the person's progress towards recovery
    • avoid forcing treatment on the person

    Let your partner know they are not alone when you say:

    • I'm here for you.
    • We'll deal with this together.

    6. Accept that there will be bad days

    People with depression have good days and bad days. To cope with bad days:

    • expect them to happen
    • understand that this is a normal part of depression
    • don't give up love and support at this time
    • take some time and do something nice, either alone or with others
    • remember that not every day will be like this - there will be good days

    7. Take care of yourself

    When a person supports a partner with depression, it is very important to take the time to enjoy hobbies and other activities for yourself.

    Caring for a partner with depression can be draining, frustrating, and intimidating.

    Research shows that having a spouse with depression increases a person's risk of developing depressive symptoms. This risk is especially high when a man is supportive of a depressed woman. nine0003

    Those caring for someone with a mental illness should also take care of their own mental health. They can do it:

    • trying to stay positive
    • having realistic expectations about the recovery process
    • knowing that they also have the right to be heard and respected
    • taking time out and doing pleasurable activities and hobbies
    • interacting with people other than their partner
    • seeking help from friends or relatives
    • doing regular exercise
    • eating healthy
    • trying to get more sleep and rest
    • visiting a psychologist or psychological support groups

    Professional support

    Professional treatment is an important part of the recovery process. The first step is often to see a doctor, who can recommend treatment, psychotherapy, or both. nine0003

    For particularly severe depressive symptoms or in life-threatening situations, seek emergency care.

    Beginning of form

    People with depression may be at risk of suicide. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, more than half of those who die by suicide suffer from major depression.

    Partners of those who suffer from depression should be aware of the warning signs of suicide so that they can take prompt action if necessary. Warning signs include:

    • talking about death or suicide
    • having a suicide plan
    • Preparation of means of suicide, e.g. collection of pills
    • preparation for death, e.g. by making a will
    • distribution of things
    • farewell to family and friends
    • engaging in risky or reckless behavior
    • extreme changes in mood or personality
      • nine0076 withdrawal from society

    If a person suspects that someone is in imminent danger of suicide, they should seek emergency help.

    If someone believes that a loved one is contemplating suicide but is not in immediate danger, they should contact the person's doctor and seek support from other family members or a support group.

    Learn more