Signs of a victim mentality

Victim Mentality: Causes, Symptoms, and More

Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors

Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on February 03, 2022

What Does a Victim Mentality Mean?

"It’s not my fault. " Someone who acts from a place of victimhood claims things that happen to them are the fault of someone or something other than themselves. It might be the fault of their partner, family, co-worker, friend, or "the way the world is." They ferquently complain about the bad things that happen in their lives. They are reluctant to take personal responsibility, asserting that the circumstances aren’t in their control.

It’s not a martyr complex. Victim mentality can sometimes be confused with a martyr complex. They are two similar behaviors, but there are some differences. Victims take things personally. Even if a comment or statement wasn’t directed at them, they will still absorb it as if it was. "What did I do to deserve this?" is a common question for them.

On the other hand, a person with a martyr complex will often go out of their way to take on extra tasks for other people, even if they don’t want to. They sacrifice themselves for others yet often feel resentful after the fact.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms. People who have a victim mentality have often suffered through trauma or hard times, but haven’t developed a healthier way to cope. As a result, they develop a negative view of life, where they feel that they don't have any control over what happens to them. Because they don’t think anything is their fault, they have little or no sense of responsibility for their lives. It just happens to them.

If someone tries to help or offer solutions, they’re often prepared with a list of reasons why that will not work. People who try to help are often left frustrated and confused.

Why Be a Victim?

Why do people behave this way? There are some benefits to adapting a victimhood mindset.

No accountability. Being accountable for your life means you’re in the driver’s seat. You take responsibility. That can be scary to someone who has a victim mentality. You would have to admit life isn’t just the result of the actions of others. Taking responsibility bursts the protective bubble of victimhood.

Secondary gain. Some people’s problems continue because of the secondary benefits. Sympathy, attention, and access to medication or funds are common examples of secondary gain. Someone with a victim mentality might not even realize they are getting these benefits, and often feel truly distressed.

Satisfies unconscious needs. People with a victim mentality, especially when it comes from past trauma, unconsciously seek validation and help from others. They play the “poor me” card consistently. This can generate sympathy and help from others.

Avoid taking risks. Projecting blame on others is a key part of the victim mentality. It’s a way to avoid being truly vulnerable and taking risks.

Signs You Have a Victimhood Mindset

It’s normal to be unsatisfied in some parts of your life. But it’s important to look at the bigger picture. If you notice similar patterns across different areas of your life, you might have a victim mentality.

The first step to solving a problem is to identify and acknowledge it. Look for these signs in yourself to see if you might have adopted a victim mentality:

‌You blame others for the way your life is
‌You truly think life is against you
‌You have trouble coping with problems in your life and feel powerless against them
‌You feel stuck in life and approach things with a negative attitude
‌You feel attacked when someone tries to offer helpful feedback
‌Feeling bad for yourself gives you relief or pleasure
‌You attract people who blame others and complain about their life
‌It’s difficult for you to examine yourself and make changes

How to Stop Being the Victim

Victim mentality is learned behavior.

In other words, it’s not something you’re born with. It's something you learn in a social environment. It could be learned from family members or the result of trauma. However, you have the power to overcome it. Take the first steps in the following ways.

Take responsibility. You are the only one who controls your actions. You might not be able to control others, but you control how you react to them. You control who you spend your time with, and where. Realize your potential and get in the driver’s seat of your life.

Self-care and compassion. Victim mentalities are subconsciously adopted as a way to cope, often from past trauma. Be compassionate to yourself in your recovery. Practice self-care and self-love. Journaling can be a helpful tool to work through your feelings.

Start saying no. You can say no to something you don’t want to do. It’s okay. Even if other people feel you are letting them down, take care of your energy and prioritize yourself.

Educate yourself. Read books about the victim mentality and how it affects your life. Consider seeking therapy. The more you educate yourself on the topic, the more likely you are to stay on track with your recovery and avoid going back to your old way of thinking.

Victim Mentality: Signs, Causes, and What to Do

A victim mentality is where you often feel like a victim, even when the evidence says otherwise. Signs include frequently blaming others and having trouble accepting personal responsibility.

We all have days when we feel like the world is against us.

Maybe you try to connect with others, but they don’t seem to understand the extent of your pain — or when making positive changes, you might self-sabotage or give up quickly.

This is natural from time to time. But if this sounds like your situation most (or all) of the time, you may be living with feelings of victimhood.

A victim mentality can make it feel like life is unfair. You may even feel there’s nothing you can do to change your circumstances — but that isn’t true. There’s always something you can do. We asked two experts how to cope.

A victim mentality is when a person feels like a victim across situations, even when the evidence suggests otherwise. They may feel they have no control over what happens to them.

This outlook can impact many areas of your life — like relationships, work, and health.

Victim mindsets can develop as a coping mechanism for previous traumatic experiences, says Dr. Julie Landry, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in San Antonio, Texas.

It may feel like you have little control or impact over external factors in your life. She explains that it commonly stems from:

experiencing multiple situations where you lack control
ongoing emotional pain that leads to learned helplessness
betrayal by someone closest to you

People with alcohol use disorder or substance use disorder may find that a victim mentality keeps them in the spiral of addiction. They may feel helpless to change their circumstances, asking for support from others while feeling unable to support themselves.

A victim mentality can manifest in many ways, says Landry. It can involve feeling like the world is out to get you or having difficulty taking personal responsibility for what happens in your life.

The signs of a victim mentality include:

Behavioral signs

often placing blame on external factors or other people when things go wrong
having trouble taking personal responsibility or seeing how you may have contributed to a situation
being overly critical of yourself or others
self-sabotage
associating only with people who think like you

Mental (cognitive) signs

seeing the world as unfair or unsafe
cognitive distortions, like catastrophizing
harmful thinking patterns or pessimism
ruminating over past wrongs and hurts
thoughts of self-harm or suicide

Relationship signs

difficulty with intimacy and trust
emotional unavailability
limited empathy for others
mistrust of authority figures
keeping score in relationships
trouble accepting constructive criticism

Emotional signs

anxiety
depression
feeling unseen
guilt or shame
low self-esteem
resentment of others
social isolation

A victim mentality can affect your life in many ways, from stopping you from applying yourself at work to disrupting your relationship dynamics. You might also have trouble maintaining healthy lifestyle habits.

It’s hard to say if victim mentality is a symptom or a personality trait, as more research is still needed.

One 2020 study suggests that the victim mentality may be a personality trait, dubbed the “Tendency for Interpersonal Victimhood (TIV).” In this case, it spans multiple types of relationships and includes four patterns:

a desire for recognition as a victim
feelings of moral superiority
limited empathy for others
frequent rumination

A sense of victimhood may also be a symptom of another mental health condition, including:

borderline personality disorder (BPD)
major depressive disorder (MDD)
narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD)

To determine the root cause of your feelings, you may find it helpful to work with a therapist familiar with trauma.

If you’re ready to change how you feel, many strategies can support you.

Consider professional support

You don’t have to go through this alone. Therapy can help you process past trauma and increase your emotional intelligence, says Landry. “It can help you learn to choose to either leave a situation or accept it, and take responsibility for what you can control in life and how you react,” she says.

A therapist may also work with you on goal-setting and developing self-efficacy, so you feel more in charge of your life. To complement your work in therapy, consider journaling to process emotions and cultivating a gratitude practice, she adds.

Try to practice self-compassion

Take a moment to appreciate yourself for everything you’ve been through, says Katie Ziskind, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Niantic, Connecticut.

“Experiencing abuse can lead to shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem,” she explains. “It’s really common for victims to think that they are the reason why someone has abused them, so counseling can help you build positive self-talk to remove any self-blame. ”

Consider shifting your self-identification

Research suggests that, in some cases, it can be difficult to overcome a victim mentality if there are incentives for staying in that role — for example, medical benefits, income, or another form of security.

You may find it helpful to change your language, says Ziskind. “Instead of calling yourself a victim, you can switch over to calling yourself a survivor of abuse which can be more empowering and help create emotional confidence for future relationships.”

Try to own your story

A 2021 study found that women who had experienced sexual violence were able to move from a victim role to a survivor mentality by:

securing social support
reclaiming their story
letting go of a set timeline for healing

There are many ways to own your story, like writing an article to help other people in a similar situation, volunteering with a nonprofit, and creating art, among other ideas.

It can be frustrating if you know someone who displays signs of a victim mentality, especially if you love them and want to see them stand in their power.

In this case, you may find it helpful to:

encourage them to seek professional support
remind them how strong and capable they are
set and maintain healthy boundaries
limit interactions that feel draining
resist the temptation to rescue others
learn about how to prevent codependency

Working with a licensed professional may help you feel more empowered, particularly if your challenges stem from trauma or a mental health condition. You may find it useful to use Psych Central’s How to Find Mental Health Support resource.

Remember: you are strong. You got this.

What are the signs of a victim mentality?

We all have days when we feel the world is against us.

Maybe you're trying to connect with others, but they don't seem to understand the extent of your pain - or by making positive changes, you may sabotage yourself or give up quickly.

This is natural from time to time. But if this is similar to your situation most of the time (or all of the time), you may be living with a victim complex.

He can make you feel like life isn't fair. You may even think that there is nothing you can do to change your circumstances, but that is not true. There is always something to be done.

What is the victim mentality?

The victim mentality is when a person feels like a victim in different situations, even if the facts say otherwise. They may feel they have no control over what happens to them.

This view can affect many areas of life such as relationships, work and health.

Victim thinking may develop as a mechanism for coping with previous traumatic experiences.

You may seem to have little or no control over external factors in your life. This is usually associated with:

several situations where you lack control
constant emotional pain leading to learned helplessness
betrayal of the closest person

People with an alcohol or substance use disorder may find that a victim mentality keeps them in a spiral of addiction. They may feel helpless to change their circumstances, asking for support from others, feeling unable to support themselves.

Signs of the victim mentality

The victim complex can manifest itself in different ways. It could be feeling like the world is out to get you, or it could be hard for you to take personal responsibility for what's going on in your life.

Signs of a victim mentality include: