Should relationships be hard work
8 Surprising Myths About Relationships
Medically reviewed by Scientific Advisory Board — By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. on May 17, 2016
There are hundreds of myths about relationships, according to Terri Orbuch, Ph.D, a Michigan clinical psychologist and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great. The problem with persistent myths is that they can erode a relationship’s happiness, she said.
When you think a relationship should be a certain way, and yours isn’t, frustration sets in. And “frustration is the number one thing that eats away at a relationship,” Orbuch said, and “it’s directly tied to these myths.”
That’s why it’s so critical to bust the below misconceptions. So without further ado, here are eight myths about relationships that might surprise you.
1. Myth: A good relationship means that you don’t have to work at it.
Fact: “The strongest most enduring relationships take lots of hard work,” said Lisa Blum, Psy. D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena and Los Angeles, who specializes in emotionally-focused therapy with couples. She believes that our culture, education system and parenting styles don’t prepare us for the fact that even good relationships take effort.
She likened a healthy relationship to a good garden. “It’s a beautiful thing but you wouldn’t expect it to thrive without a whole lot of labor and TLC.”
But how do you know if you’re working too hard on a relationship? One sign, according to Blum, is if you’re feeling unhappy more than you’re happy. In other words, are you spending more time tending to the relationship and keeping it afloat than enjoying it?
This unhappiness becomes less of a rough patch, and more like the “normal state of affairs,” she said.
Another bad sign is if you’re trying hard to make improvements and changes, but you don’t see the same level of effort on your partner’s part. “There has to be some sense of ‘we’re trying really hard, both making changes and that’s making a difference.
’”
On the flip side, if both of you are trying and you can see positive changes being made at least some of the time, then that’s a good sign, Blum said.
2. Myth: If partners really love each other, they know each other’s needs and feelings.
Fact: “It’s a setup to expect your partner to be able to read your mind,” Blum said — because when you anticipate that your partner will know your wants, that’s essentially what you’re doing. We develop this expectation as kids, she said. But “as adults, we’re always responsible for communicating our feelings and needs.”
And once you’ve communicated your needs and feelings, “a better measure of the quality of your relationship” is whether your partner actually listens to your words.
3. Myth: “If you’re truly in love, passion will never fade,” Orbuch said.
Fact: Thanks to movies and romantic novels, we assume that if we genuinely love someone, “the passion, urging and loving” never go away.
And if they do disappear, then “it must not be the right relationship” or “our relationship [must be] in trouble,” Orbuch said. However, passion naturally diminishes in all relationships.
Daily routines are one of the culprits, Blum said. As their responsibilities grow and roles expand, couples have less and less time and energy for each other.
But this doesn’t mean that the passion is gone for good. With a little planning and playfulness, you can boost passion. Blum sees many relationships where passion is alive and well. “Passionate sex is a byproduct of sustained emotional intimacy along with a continuing sense of adventure and exploration and sense of playfulness.” Orbuch also has emphasized the importance of couples doing new things to perk up their relationships (see her specific advice).
And when it comes to passion-squashing routines, Blum suggested couples ask themselves: “How do we tame our lives sufficiently that we can make time for each other and have energy left for each other?”
4.
Myth: “Having a child will strengthen your relationship or marriage,” Orbuch said.
Fact: Studies have shown that relationship happiness actually decreases with every child, she said. This doesn’t mean that you start loving each other less or that you won’t bond at all over your child, Orbuch said. But the mounting challenges can complicate relationships.
Having realistic expectations helps couples prepare themselves for their new roles, she said. When you think that a child will improve your relationship, it only adds to the complications.
As Orbuch said, “should statements don’t allow you to see what the other person is doing to strengthen and manage the relationship” and these expectations “cloud your judgment. She recommended planning ahead and talking about the changes that will occur when you have your first child or more kids.
5. Myth: “Jealousy is a sign of true love and caring,” Orbuch said.
Fact: Jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship (or the lack thereof), she said.
Take the following example: If you have a jealous partner, you might try to show them how much you care so they don’t get jealous. But you soon realize that any amount of caring isn’t a cure for their jealous reactions.
While you can be supportive, according to Orbuch, your partner must work on their insecurity issues on their own. “No matter what you do, you can’t make your partner feel more secure” or “change their self-confidence.”
Trying to make your partner jealous also can backfire. While men and women are just as likely to experience jealousy, their reactions differ. Men either get very defensive or angry, believing that the relationship isn’t worth it, Orbuch said. Women, on the other hand, respond by trying to improve the relationship or themselves.
6. Myth: Fights ruin relationships.
Fact: In actuality, what ruins relationships is not resolving your fights, Blum said. “Fights can be really healthy, and an important form of communication and clearing the air.
”
Also, the type of fight a couple has plays a role. Not surprisingly, nasty, scornful or condescending fights that leave couples resolution-less and not talking for days damage the relationship. Productive conflicts that help the relationship end with “some mutual decision about how to manage this disagreement,” Blum said.
(Here’s help on improving your communication and becoming a better listen and speaker.)
7. Myth: In order for the relationship to be successful, the other partner must change.
Fact: Many times we’re very good at the blame game and not so good at pondering how we can become better partners. Instead, we demand that our partners make such and such changes.
Unless, there are extreme circumstances like abuse or chronic infidelity, Blum said, it takes two to make changes.
But even more than that, it’s up to you to figure out what you can do. While this seems “simple and obvious,” 100 percent of the couples Blum sees point the finger.
“It’s a profound mental shift to look at what can I do [and] what changes can I make.”
8. Myth: “Couples therapy means your relationship is really in trouble,” Blum said.
Fact: By the time couples seek therapy, this may be true, but changing this mindset is key. Most couples seek therapy “when they’ve been suffering for a really long time,” Blum said. “What elements were good in the relationship are destroyed.”
Instead, Blum suggested that people view couples therapy as preventative. This way, a couple comes in when they’ve been stuck on one or two conflicts for a few months, “not five or six over the last 10 years.”
- 5 Communication Pitfalls and Pointers for Couples
- 11 Hints for Resolving Relationship Irritations
* * *
Learn more about Lisa Blum, Psy.D, and Terri Orbuch, Ph.D (you can sign up for her free newsletter).
Great Relationships Require Hard Work, But Not Forever
Source: Subbotina Anna/Shutterstock
When NASA launches a spacecraft, it uses about 90% of its fuel breaking free of the Earth’s atmosphere.
After it clears the pull of this gravitational force, considerably less fuel is required, allowing it to travel great distances while expending far less energy.
This principle also applies to relationships: The early stages (after you pass the delirium of infatuation) are where the real work begins. That work is about committed listening, letting go of control, practicing vulnerability, overcoming resistance to change, being honest, even in the face of fear, and focusing on your own work rather than trying to change your partner. Like mastering any other new skill, it takes a lot to hang in there and muddle through the demanding times. The required effort is often great and the challenge can be daunting, leading many to conclude that it’s not worth it or that they don’t have the stamina and perseverance to work forever at this level.
Relationships, we think, should not have to be this hard. Well, that’s true: They shouldn’t be relentlessly difficult, at least not on a permanent basis, otherwise who, other than a masochist, would consciously choose to live in such a state of perpetual struggle? The bad news is that some degree of effort and agony is inevitable in most relationships.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to last forever; it is generally a temporary, not permanent condition.
As we found out in researching our book, Secrets of Great Marriages, while most couples have experienced varying degrees of difficulty in their relationships, after they make it “over the hump," the downward pull of gravity diminishes greatly and the amount of effort and energy required to sustain and nurture the relationship is greatly reduced. Further, the experience of nurturing the relationship no longer feels like effort or work, but literally becomes a labor of love that feels more like a gift, a joyful opportunity for which we feel grateful and blessed.
This characterization may seem unrealistic or Pollyanna-ish to those still in the more challenging stages of a relationship, but from the perspective of anyone who has successfully transitioned to the more advanced stages of partnership, it is not only realistic, but absolutely attainable. In addition to the willingness to do the aforementioned work, two qualities are needed to hang in there long enough to get to the "gold" that committed partnerships offer—perseverance and trust.
Perseverance has to do with the willingness to make the sustained, necessary effort to confront the challenges inherent in the process, particularly in the face of discouragement, fear, and distress. Trust pertains to the confidence that there is light at the end of the tunnel, whether we can currently see it or not, and the understanding that persevering is worth the effort.
Cultivating any new skill—playing a musical instrument, learning a foreign language, mastering a sport or game—requires knowledge, diligence and practice. Developing the skill of effective relating is no different, even though it’s easy to forget that most of us are, to varying degrees, inexperienced and unschooled in this arena.
Because we may not think of relationships as something that you need to develop skills for, it’s easy to forget that this process is no different than the development of other competencies. We tend to think that if the feeling is there, then the relationship should just “naturally” thrive.
But while it may be natural, most of us have developed some pretty unskillful practices in our attempts to fulfill needs that were not getting met in our relationship. Yet while loving another person isn’t enough on its own to ensure a blissful future together, we do have the ability to participate in our relationships in ways that strongly influence the degree to which they will thrive.
The amount of time that we spend in the early stages of this process and the slope of the learning curve has to do with our willingness and ability to learn the lessons that relationships continually provide us with. These lessons are about honesty, letting go, non-judgment, responsibility, commitment, compassion, risk, and openness—for starters. The more dedicated we are to mastering these learning opportunities, the faster we will internalize the skills and competencies that good relationships require.
As we integrate these abilities, replacing old defensive habits with new, more effective practices, the work becomes easier and more natural.
We automatically begin doing the things that work and let go of habituated responses that no longer serve us. While this takes time and the process is gradual, if you can stick with it, the result is not only worth the effort, it’s beyond what most of us ever thought possible.
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How to survive at work and stay happy: five tips
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Work is almost always stressful, but if you follow these simple rules, it can be significantly reduced or completely eliminated. The BBC Russian service has collected recommendations from psychologists, sociologists and other researchers on how to avoid "burnout" and feel happy at work.
1. Separate work and life. Even in thoughts
Thoughts about work cause neuroses that have a bad effect on work. This pattern, obvious to many, has now been confirmed by science based on the theory of boundaries - a discipline that studies the relationship of man to space and time, which he considers his own.
If you check your mail when you come home from work or on your day off, there is a risk that you will develop a neurosis. This has been proven in earlier work. However, even just thinking about what you might have in your workbox right now, you are at the same risk and most likely expose your loved ones to it.
The theory is outlined in a paper by Virginia Tech Associate Professor William Becker entitled The Gentle Killer: Monitoring Electronic Communications and the Psychological State of Employees and Their Spouses.
"The demands of work and non-work life compete with each other, and people are faced with a dilemma that creates anxiety and threatens both work and personal life," writes Becker.
Research has already shown that stress at work and bringing work home is bad for family relationships, but a new study says you don't have to work from home to experience the effect. Just thinking about it is enough.
The authors of the paper decided to focus on electronic correspondence. Checking work mail or chat in private time is one of those things that lies at the intersection of personal and business, and in different companies this issue is solved in different ways.
The responsibility for creating an atmosphere of nervousness ultimately lies with the boss - this is the conclusion Becker and his co-authors come to.
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Bosses, Becker writes, always let employees know if they expect them to work in "always-on" mode.
"Expectations of this kind, whether real or imagined, cause burnout and work-life imbalance. This causes much more harm than wasting the time it takes to read and answer all work emails when you get home," write the authors research.
Due to modern communication technologies, it is more difficult than ever for employees to separate work and family, and the expectation that a person will change social roles on the fly makes the situation even more difficult.
"Our work reveals a sad reality: a flexible working day often turns into an endless working day," sums up Becker. The solution he proposes is quite obvious. It's best for bosses to make it clear that they don't expect subordinates to check email outside of work, and subordinates not to.
2. Don't worry about your salary, enjoy the process
Photo author, Getty Images
Image caption,Try to take your mind off your salary
Working for money is unproductive, scientists say.
Scientists have proved that the thought of a reward at the end of a difficult and long work - for example, the thought of a salary at the end of the month - does not give a person motivation.
In a study published in July by Caitlin Wooley, associate professor of marketing at the Graduate School of Management. Johnson at Cornell develops this idea.
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"Motivation changes as the strength of the association between an action and a certain outcome changes," she writes. Simply put, this means that work is intrinsically motivated when it is perceived as an end in itself.
"Then a person is motivated to continue activities for his own sake, because he cannot separate the benefit from the task from the task itself," writes Wooley, coming to the conclusion that it is better to give remuneration for work right in the process, and better even before it starts. .
Her theory is supported by an experiment in which participants were given different tasks (for example, watch a video, complete a task, or read a book). As a result of the work, they were either given chocolate or paid money.
Based on participants' behavior and conversations after completion of the experiment, the researchers realized that the earlier a person received a reward, the more obvious was the relationship between the work process and the pleasure of receiving a prize or payment. And as a result, intrinsic motivation increased.
3. Block yourself from information noise
Turning on a work computer, a person finds himself in several communication environments at once.
Different information comes to us through different channels, requiring us to respond.
This effect of information noise leads to the fact that we end up distracted, and at least a couple of hours a day are spent aimlessly wandering through social networks. In addition, work stress increases.
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,Procrastination is also a reaction to stress
In the summer of 2017, the Bitrix24 analytical center polled more than a thousand representatives of Russian companies. 67% of the survey participants said they feel the pressure of information noise during the working day.
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About a third of respondents admitted that they pick up the phone every six minutes or more, and also cannot concentrate on one task for more than 10 minutes.
Companies solve this problem in different ways, a popular measure is the regulation of the information environment in the office, but the problem is rather in the biological structure of a person.
When a person shares information about himself - and this is what most of our activity on social networks consists of - his dopamine production is activated.
That is why in those moments when concentration is required of us at work or it is simply difficult for us, we think about social networks, reach into our pocket for the phone, and productivity drops.
There are several simple ways to isolate yourself from information noise - solve problems not simultaneously, but in turn; take small breaks from work and focus on breathing when getting up from the computer, and turn off unnecessary applications on the phone before the start of the working day.
4. Don't be a workaholic
If you feel like you're irreplaceable, the next step is a nervous breakdown, says researcher Gordon Peterson.
Actually, everyone loves workaholics. If a person works hard and achieves a lot, he is successful. For some, being labeled a workaholic is a badge of honor.
However, there are people who put work above everything else - relationships, health, impressions and, of course, leisure. The price they pay for success is too high.
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It's important to understand that not every person who works hard is a workaholic, writes psychotherapist Brian Robinson, author of the book Chained to the Table about workaholics.
"Workaholism is not determined by how many hours you spend at work, but by what goes on in your head," he writes.
To understand. Are you a workaholic, just answer the following questions. If most of the answers are positive, it might be worth considering.
- You are thinking about how to free up time for work
- You often spend more time at work than you intended
- You work to avoid guilt, anxiety, helplessness and depression, and this helps you
- If you forbidden to work, you fall into a depressed state.
In 2016, the Workaholics Anonymous organization held its first session in Britain. She helps people understand that they are workaholics and tries to heal them through group sessions and a 12-step program.
This program, however, is not suitable for everyone, since workaholics are offered to turn to religion and the final stage in the program is the knowledge of God.
5. Communicate with colleagues to avoid depression
Depression is one of the most common psychological ailments. Workplace depression is also common. Psychologists in the US estimate the economic cost of work depression at $44 billion a year, Psychology Today magazine points out.
Most of this damage is not due to the lack of people in the office due to depression, but the so-called presenteeism - people come to the office despite depression and work far from their full potential.
The main thing, of course, is not abstract figures of financial damage and not abstract concepts like presenteeism, but the fact that hundreds of millions of people around the world work in spite of depression, suffering from it.
Moreover, in an office environment it is considered indecent to talk about a psychological state, and if it turns out that a person has been diagnosed with depression, they often begin to be treated with suspicion. It is still taboo in workplaces to talk about mental health.
Last year's survey in Britain showed that 36% of Britons are ready to openly discuss their illnesses at work, 26% - lack of money, 18% - sex, and only 13% - about their mental health.
Thus, depressed people often decide to work in spite of it, even to the point of a nervous breakdown.
Meanwhile, it is the friendly attention of colleagues to the psychological problem that helps a lot, says 36-year-old Natalie Hall, who suffered from depression at work and eventually had to go to the hospital.
"It's important that someone is willing to give you time. Not trying to solve the problem, just being there is the main thing," she says.
"Don't do anything too serious, just take your time and ask if everything is okay, don't pass by. It's important to really take some time to talk to people."
"At work we think about business, but do we understand what is happening in the lives of our colleagues?"
leave during probation - a stain on your career?
Imagine that you are entering a new job, looking forward to great challenges, dreaming of meeting new colleagues. But already in the first hours, an anxious feeling appears: “What if I made the wrong choice?”
Example 1. Camille chose the company mainly because of the personality of the manager she wanted to work with. But on the very first day at a new job, I found out that the manager was leaving the company in a week. Example 2. It was a surprise for Svetlana on her first day of going to work that her workplace would be in a different office — not as cozy and comfortable as the one where the interview was conducted, and it would take significantly more time to get there than she did ready to spend.
Example 3. Just after receiving the employment contract for signing, Sergey found out that the salary is less than half of the monthly income that he was promised at the interview, the rest is bonuses, the payment of which is not guaranteed. The level of monthly income without a bonus did not suit him at all. Still lucky, if you figure out that everything is not as it seemed at the interview, you succeeded on the very first day before you made an entry in the work book. You can just leave and not remember this experience, regretting only the time spent. But what if strong doubts about the correct choice of work appear later - in the first week or first months, when you delve into the "inner kitchen"? It is psychologically more difficult to leave at this stage.
Example 4. Anton, a financial manager, in the first few days in a new job realized that the work with Big Data, for which he got a job here, does not even smell here yet. First you need to put things in order in the department, in which, as it turned out, the team has changed for the third time in a year.
Example 5. Olga started a new job in a company where she had long dreamed of getting into, and was disappointed in the first month. She strongly disliked colleagues from the department and their style of communication with each other and with her. She felt like a stranger and realized that she would never settle down here. By the time you apply for a job, you are most likely already tired of the job search process, you may have passed several interviews in different companies. Finding a job is an energy-intensive task. It is usually hard to imagine that it needs to be started anew. Yes, and enthusiasm dries up, thoughts appear: “What if it won’t be better anywhere?”.
If you left another job for the sake of this job, having told your former colleagues what a wonderful offer you received, then it is all the more difficult to leave a new job right away. And it’s not always possible to figure out how justified the worries are. If you didn’t like the team, the leader, the internal arrangements, the load turned out to be greater than you expected, maybe it’s out of habit, and then “be patient - fall in love”, get involved and become easier?
According to many psychologists, sociologists and HR-specialists, on average, adaptation to a new job and getting used to the culture of the company lasts six months.
In the first month it is difficult to evaluate your impressions objectively, because literally everything is difficult in the first month.
Of course, such things as gross deceit, violation of rights, insults, crossing personal boundaries, should not be tolerated for a day. In the situations described above, these are examples 2 and 3. In example 4, there also seem to be signs of misleading, although it is possible that Anton himself did not fully figure out at the interview stage what conditions he was called into. The company shows signs of trouble (frequent team changes), but perhaps there is room for growth.
But it's not worth keeping silent about less egregious reasons for discomfort, as well as about the fact that your expectations, which were formed in the process of agreements, diverged from reality. The first months of your work in the company are adaptation. In serious companies, managers and HR specialists understand this. Tell them about your discomfort, doubts, suspicions.
In companies with a strong corporate culture, you will be supported. And if you receive a negative reaction in response, this will become an additional basis for conclusions.
Alina Mudraya, Operations Director of the Values Value recruitment agency, recommends first of all to admit that you, like any person, have the right to make mistakes.
For herself, Alina identified two important indicators of self-perception, which should be guided by when deciding whether to leave or stay in the hope of adapting.
Think of your acquaintances and friends who work in places where you could not spend a single day. Your impressions may be radically different from those of your friend, despite the fact that the company may be the same and the working conditions do not change. Keep track of what's happening to you.
The expert recommends tracking how your emotions, thoughts and feelings change in the first days, first weeks and months in a new place:
- Are you making progress and are you becoming more comfortable (clearer, calmer) in a new company? So the challenge is accepted - you have enough resources to master the new experience.
- Is it only getting worse, more stress and frustration? Looks like quitting is the best solution.
But before you leave the company, why was it so important for you to find reasons to leave or stay? If the reason for the dissatisfaction was absolutely unacceptable to you, would you probably leave right away? If the difficulties are surmountable, then Alina the Wise recommends remembering the saying "Whoever wants, he is looking for opportunities, who does not want - looking for reasons."
Try to objectively compare the conditions that you did not like in the company with those of other employers. Ask your friends from your professional circle how they are, read what is happening on the labor market in your field, what are the trends.
Watch your colleagues and your environment in general. What kind of relationship do you have with them? How do they (mostly) feel about the conditions in the company?
Ask new colleagues and management for feedback - what is their impression of you and your abilities and potential? Also remember that you have every right to clarify all doubts and inaccuracies in the agreements, and when the agreements are violated, be sure to signal this!
Natalia Dubinnikova, career consultant, advises not to delay making a decision in the following cases:
Non-fulfillment of agreements by the employer.
Most often this concerns wages and registration. “Work with us for a couple of months, if we see that you are suitable, then we will issue it officially, increase the salary, assign a bonus,” if the employer is talking like that, Natalya advises boldly to say goodbye and leave. This is a hopeless story. But if everything turned out to be not quite as you imagined, although no one promised you otherwise (for example, you thought that the load was less, but the functionality was more interesting), then here you need to proceed from how fundamentally important it is for you to what you set up.
When Natalya got a new job, everything turned out to be “a little different”: although the cherished line “head of department” appeared in her work book, she did not have any team. According to the HR manager, the team was to be recruited in about six months. The promised salary was divided into salary and a quarterly bonus. It turned out that Natalya did not gain anything from the transition. In addition, the new company had stricter rules than those to which she was accustomed: she had to come to work strictly by 9:00, regardless of what time the working day ended yesterday - at 18:00 or at 22:00. were fined for being late. After two weeks at the new job, Natalia plucked up the courage to call her former employer. They have not yet found a replacement for her, and she happily returned. You cannot establish contact with the team and the leader. We spend most of our lives at work, so it is very important that relationships with people and the atmosphere inside are comfortable.
Were you, as a newcomer, met with pointedly unfriendly? Do you see that there is a difficult conflict situation in the team, from which it is impossible to ignore? Does the leader have a very difficult character? And all this is a lot of stress for you? It is unlikely that you will get used to such an unhealthy environment, and you should not do this.
Corporate culture disgusts you. “This is something that you can immediately feel,” explains Natalya Dubinnikova. - In my practice, there were cases when every working morning began with a construction. It was necessary for all employees to line up at a certain time and wait for the arrival of the head (this was a Korean company). Not everyone is ready for this."
Sometimes in a situation where there is not the slightest doubt that you made a mistake in choosing a job, the fear of being branded as a "flyer" who does not know what he wants, or who failed the probationary period, prevents you from leaving quickly. It's no secret that employers are suspicious of candidates with a short period of work.
How to look for a new job with such a “spot”, if it is already impossible to return to the old one?
Leaving probation is not a disaster. Career consultant Ekaterina Troitskaya, in response to such concerns, recommends remembering: the very concept of a probationary period implies that not only the employer evaluates you, but also you.
According to the Labor Code, in case of dismissal during the probationary period, it is enough for you to notify the employer three days in advance, and not two weeks in advance, as usual. And this rule appeared not just like that.
“Unfortunately, not everything about the job and the features of the company can be formulated in the job description and told at the interview. There is information that is simply inappropriate to bring out, and there are things that are not spoken out because they are considered insignificant, although for some of the applicants they are important, they affect the work process and personal results, says Natalia.
— Even if the future employer does not deliberately deceive or distort information, applicants still have a rather large “gray” field. Inside it, there may be factors that are critical for deciding whether to work for this company. The probationary period exists, among other things, in order to look around on this field. The sooner you realize that this place is not for you, the better. Your career will not benefit from being here for a long time.
This is not a spot on a career. Do not worry too much about the history of unsuccessful employment. Every adequate employer understands that anyone, even the best employee, can find themselves in a situation where expectations diverge from reality. This is no reason to consider your professional reputation tarnished.
“Don't be embarrassed by the short period of work in the company,” Natalya Dubinnikova agrees with her colleague. - To be honest, I would not even mention it in my resume. A potential employer is interested in your results, not a formal list of jobs, but you can hardly talk about results in 1-2 months.
If you are asked a question at an interview about this period of time, then answer honestly, but carefully. Believe me, it would be much stranger to the next employer that you endured a hateful job for a year just for the sake of a line on your resume and did not bring any results.
What to say if you were asked about that experience. “Of course, you need to start from each specific case and there is no universal advice,” says Ekaterina Troitskaya. — But there are two principles that are important for any interview: to be honest, but also not to say too much. If you voice the real reason for your departure, then this will serve as a kind of insurance against the fact that the situation will not happen again in the next place. To a new employer, this story immediately shows what exactly you will definitely not tolerate.
In this case, Ekaterina calls any value judgments about the past employer, the transition to personalities, as well as attempts to appoint someone to blame as superfluous information.
