Serial monogamist definition
Are You a Serial Monogamist?
Most of us may know someone who could be classified as a “serial monogamist,’’ or a person who always seems to be in a relationship.
Serial monogamy is quite common. It’s typical for people to go through phases of “perpetual dating” from time to time. Many dislike being single and enter new relationships shortly after their previous relationship has ended.
Although not always a bad thing, serial monogamy can sometimes be a sign of a deeper underlying issue, such as:
- fear of abandonment
- low self-esteem
- codependent tendencies
A pattern of serial monogamy can become unhealthy if you’re:
- prone to toxic relationships
- not giving yourself enough time to grieve a breakup
- a person who enjoys solitude and being single
But if you think you might be slipping into unhealthy habits and tendencies caused by serial monogamy, it’s possible to work through underlying issues and break the cycle.
A serial monogamist is a person who moves from one romantic relationship to another very quickly, spending as little time single as possible.
Some serial monogamists might have short-lived relationships, while others might have long-term relationships. The determining factor is that you’re seldom single.
Because it’s a colloquial term, the definition is a little flexible. There’s currently no official consensus on how many relationships you need to go through before you’re considered a serial monogamist.
Faithfulness vs. cheating
As the term “monogamist” suggests, serial monogamists are generally faithful to their partners. But the term is also sometimes applied to people who cheat on their partners while relationship-jumping, too.
Is it bad to be a serial monogamist?
It’s not always a bad thing to be a serial monogamist. But sometimes, this pattern can be a sign of psychological or emotional difficulty.
A deeper issue might be at play if you find single life upsetting or overly difficult or feel the impulse to leave and start new relationships quickly.
Serial monogamy may look different from person to person. For example, some serial monogamists might have long-lasting relationships but struggle to stay single. Others might date someone for only a few weeks or months at a time, frequently dating new people.
Potential signs of serial monogamy can include:
- struggling to stay single
- difficulties with self-esteem, boredom, or loneliness when single
- inability to leave a relationship without a new potential partner lined up
- feeling easily bored or restless in relationships
- looking for a new relationship as soon as your current one ends (or just before a breakup)
- relationships quickly becoming very serious or intense
While preferring to be in a relationship or dating a lot might not always be wrong, many factors can lead someone to become a serial monogamist.
Fear of commitment
Not every serial monogamist is necessarily afraid of commitment. Some may thrive in relationships because of commitment and faithfulness.
Some serial monogamists who have difficulties with commitment might exit relationships quickly once they become too serious, entering new ones to avoid being alone.
Trauma
Trauma, including childhood trauma, can lead to several relationship difficulties in adulthood.
Sometimes, unresolved trauma can manifest as challenges in handling conflict or communicating with a partner. This may cause a person to adopt patterns of serial monogamy.
Low self-worth
Some people might struggle to feel worthy unless they’re in a relationship. People with low self-worth may believe that their single status is a sign of their inadequacy, and the attention of a partner might help them feel more worthy.
Self-sabotage
Some serial monogamists might self-sabotage perfectly good relationships because the stability feels uncomfortable to them. In this case, you might feel bored or restless in steady relationships and prefer drama and volatility over stability.
Black-and-white thinking
Black-and-white thinking in relationships is when someone either thinks of a person as irredeemably bad or entirely perfect. This can lead to instability in relationships, especially if you break up with someone at the first sign of a flaw or fall in love with someone quickly because they seem “perfect” to them.
Perfectionism
Someone with perfectionist tendencies might abandon relationships at the first sign of difficulty or doubt and move on to the next one.
Being a serial monogamist does not necessarily mean you have a mental disorder. But the symptoms of certain mental health conditions might make someone more prone to serial monogamy and relationship instability.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
Not everyone with borderline personality disorder (BPD) becomes a serial monogamist, but some of the symptoms of BPD can lead to serial monogamy.
Some characteristics of BPD might cause you to feel uncomfortable single, which can lead to serial monogamy, including:
- fear of abandonment
- identity disturbances, including low self-image
- patterns of unstable or intense relationships
- black-and-white thinking
- impulsivity
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) can lead to difficulties in relationships for some people.
One OCD theme is relationship OCD, where obsessions and compulsions can revolve around doubting your relationship or partner. People with this condition might have obsessive thoughts about whether:
- you really love them
- they really love you
- they’re good enough for you (and vice versa)
- you’re treating them right
- your needs are being met fully
- they will leave you or you them
This can lead to instability in relationships. In particular, you might make irrational decisions when it comes to ending and beginning relationships.
Dating one person after another is not always a problem in and of itself. But a pattern of serial monogamy can pose some issues.
Grieving previous relationships
When a relationship ends, it can be extremely hurtful. Even if your relationship ended amicably, you might find that you need time to process your feelings. After all, it is a loss.
Processing this loss is essential because it allows you to grow from the experience.
You may not have ample time to fully grieve and process the loss of one relationship if you immediately become involved in another.
Not grieving or processing fully could cause emotional problems later on.
Neglecting other relationships
Serial monogamists might neglect non-romantic relationships, especially if you tend to get into many short-lived relationships.
New romantic relationships tend to be time- and energy-consuming, and this might leave little space for platonic friendships, familial relationships, and other relationships.
Masking issues
If you’re using romantic relationships to numb or mask underlying issues, it may be more challenging to work through those issues.
Giving yourself time to process feelings of loneliness and inadequacy can eventually help you deal with whatever it is that’s making you feel that way.
Unfulfilling relationships
If you feel the need to jump into relationships constantly, you might hastily commit to someone who isn’t a good fit for you, leading to an unfulfilling (or potentially damaging) relationship.
You might get into toxic or abusive relationships because you’re afraid of being alone.
Learning to be alone
Learning to enjoy your solitude and singledom can be challenging but rewarding. Being single can be a great opportunity to focus your time and energy on:
- goals
- hobbies
- non-romantic relationships
- working through feelings of discomfort and loneliness
Identifying your patterns of behavior is a good first step in breaking the cycle. Being aware of your behavior and patterns in your relationships can be the key to changing them.
If you have a fear of being single, try to consider where this might come from:
- What relationships did you see as examples growing up?
- Do you think being single will reflect badly on you?
- How do you think about your loved ones and acquaintances who are single?
- How do you handle loneliness?
Therapy can be a helpful tool in breaking the cycle of serial monogamy, especially if it stems from a deep-seated issue or a mental health condition.
There’s nothing wrong with being a serial monogamist in and of itself. But sometimes, becoming stuck in a pattern of serial monogamy can be a sign of emotional difficulties or even a mental health condition.
If you think you might be a serial monogamist and want to break this pattern, many resources can help. Some areas of healing you may want to focus on might be:
- learning new relational skills
- setting boundaries
- healthy communication
- building self-esteem
Listening to podcasts like “Solo: The Single Person’s Guide To A Remarkable Life” and “A Single Thing” can be fun, beneficial pathways to learning how to love and appreciate the single life.
If you prefer reading, there are numerous books on the topic of relationships and abandonment, including:
- “The Abandonment Recovery Workbook: Guidance through the Five Stages of Healing from Abandonment, Heartbreak, and Loss” by Susan Anderson
- “Love Me, Don’t Leave Me: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment and Building Lasting, Loving Relationships” by Michelle Skeen
- “The Unexpected Joy of Being Single: Locating Happily-Single Serenity” by Catherine Gray
Therapy can also be a very useful tool for changing relationship patterns. If you’re ready to find a therapist, you can visit Psych Central’s guide to mental health support.
Are You Dating a Serial Monogamist? How to Tell and What It Means
The phrase serial monogamist is often tossed around to jokingly describe that friend of yours who always seems to be in a relationship. It’s not just that they stay in one long relationship, it’s that they continuously bounce from one to the next.
What Is a Serial Monogamist?
A serial monogamist may feel most comfortable in committed relationships. They might have a series of monogamous relationships and may not take breaks between relationships to be single or to casually date.
But doesn’t this just describe how dating works today? Meaning, we meet someone, we commit to each other for a while, and then we move on when it stops working? “Remember, not that long ago, a commitment to marriage meant a relationship had to last about 20 to 30 years. Now, as life expectancy has extended, that commitment is twice as long. That scares people,” said psychologist Vivian Diller, Ph.D. It might explain why some people would rather have a string of long-term relationships than invest in one.
Meet the Expert
- Vivian Diller, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist based in New York City.
- Harriet Pappenheim, LCSW, BCD, was a co-founder of Park Avenue Relationship Consultants.
On top of longevity, many of the cultural values that fostered monogamy such as religion and family ties may not be as impactful today. And, don’t even get us started on the availability of casual dating, thanks to the myriad of dating apps now in play. So if you’re ready to settle down once and for all, what are you to do? Diller and Harriet Pappenheim, LCSW, BCD, shared their insights to help you weed out the serial monogamists from the serious dating candidates.
They have a history of long-term relationships.
While a serial monogamist likely has never been married or engaged, they do tend to have a history of long-term relationships. “They enjoy deepening a relationship and getting close with others, rather than keeping things casual and light,” Diller explained. This doesn’t mean you should jump ship anytime you’re with someone who has had multiple previous serious relationships, but the experts recommended being wary of a pattern of temporary commitment.
They lack independence.
Pappenheim said that living with parents or with multiple roommates may be a sign of a serial monogamist. While living with roommates is often required when living in a big city with skyrocketing rent prices, if you’re dating someone who lives at home or with too many roommates, this could be a red flag. “[It’s] as if they were still in college,” said Pappenheim. A person who is looking to settle down likely doesn’t need their parents to support them or multiple roommates to make rent and keep them entertained.
They show no interest in meeting your family
Diller suggested that serial monogamists tend to have strong family ties of their own, but your significant other should also have an interest in your family and personal relationships. Pappenheim listed a lack of interest in meeting their partner’s family as one sign that might make you question your partner’s intentions.
They are unconcerned with your relationship history.
If you’re seeing someone who has little interest in learning about your past relationships, they might be a serial monogamist. “They are on a superficial ride,” said Pappenheim. Part of being in a meaningful relationship is understanding your partner’s past and learning from it as you move toward a future together. Someone who doesn’t care to learn about what you’ve been through may not be ready for the long term.
Their goals are exclusively career-oriented.
There is nothing wrong with being driven and passionate about your career. However, the issue here stems from a lack of interest in other parts of life besides work. According to Pappenheim, a serial monogamist is likely to only discuss career goals, not goals about family or more personal aspirations. “They talk about the future, but with that awareness, there are challenges ahead,” said Diller.
They are indifferent to your opinions.
One sign you can look out for is if your partner is uninterested in your views. If they don’t seem to care about your opinions on politics, religion, or any topic that is of importance to you, you might question their intentions. Your values are what make you who you are, and it’s important to find a partner who engages with you in these subjects and cares about what you think.
They get caught up in the moment.
Pappenheim and Diller both suggested that a serial monogamist tends to bring intensity and passion for a time, but that this will not last. “Although they may be very seductive, sensual, and intimate, it goes no further than the temporary romance,” Pappenheim said. Of course, passion and intensity are essential to a relationship, but it can be problematic if this is the only grounding of your relationship when you’re looking for someone who’s in it for the long haul. “They bring an intensity to current relationships that are enjoyable while it lasts, but it is often unsustainable, so they move on,” Diller explained.
If My Partner Isn’t Ready for a Serious Relationship, Should I Wait?
8 Obvious Signs You're a Serial Monogamist / Flirting Flings
Do you jump from one romance to the next all the time? Use these signs to find out if you are a serial monogamist who gets bored with old love very quickly!
Are you someone who has had a number of long-term relationships? Are you holding on to unhappy relationships because you're afraid of being alone? Do you notice a pattern when it comes to the people you meet??
If you've been dating someone for a while, but you still haven't been able to take the next step together, you may actually be a serial monogamist.
Who is a serial monogamist?
If you've never heard the term, a monogamist is a person who is exclusive with one partner. But if you are a serial monogamist, then you are someone who continues to maintain exclusive relationships, one after the other, without having a gap between them. A serial monogamist is a person who loves to be in love and always finds himself in a relationship all the time!
Being a serial monogamist has its pros and cons. On the one hand, you are monogamous. You would never cheat on your partner and no one likes to be unfaithful! There will also be a lot of instant sparks and physical chemistry. On the other hand, relationships will deteriorate quickly.
8 obvious signs that you are a serial monogamist
It should be noted that one gender is not more prone to serial monogamy. Both men and women can be serial monogamists. On the negative side, many may see this as a disconnect and may be wary of dating someone who is a serial monogamist.
Do you think you are a serial monogamist? Find out what the 8 big signs of a serial monogamist are and find out what you can do to change that, or better understand yourself.
#1 You are easy to start and form relationships.
Some may even think too lightly. The serial monogamist has no problem finding anyone to date. There is usually an instant chemistry between you that can even hit you easily.
Often, however, you may commit too early. Soon after meeting this person, you quickly call him your boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes it’s even too early to talk about moving and marriage. You end up spinning the whole world around that other person. Do you want to know EVERYTHING you need to know about them: cats or dogs? hot or cold? hamburger or hot dog? And that's all great, but often in the process you start to lose your individuality in the relationship. And it's not that great.
# 2 You hate dating.
I mean, who doesn't? However, you are the one who will avoid all this. While you love the idea of dating, when it comes to fitting, you can't stand it. You must be with one person, exclusively.
Not only do you enjoy being in a relationship, but you actually prefer it. You enjoy the physical intimacy that a relationship can offer. Despite the fact that you have tried to date several people, you are only interested in one particular person.
# 3 You've hardly *or ever* been alone.
Are you someone who stays in a relationship for as long as possible *even if you're unhappy* because the thought of being alone is far worse than being in a sour relationship? Are you afraid that you will always be alone? If you're the type who bounces from one relationship to another without being on your own, it's possible that you could become a serial monogamist.
The serial monogamist tends to be with someone to feel complete. But there is a possibility that you are using another person to fill in. Perhaps you are insecure and need constant attention and approval from the opposite sex. This only proves that you are not ready to be in a relationship.
If you're not with someone and your whole world seems to be collapsing on you, it's time to reevaluate yourself. While you might think that loneliness is associated with stigma, it's important to take time for yourself. This can be a problem for serial monogamists because they can't stay single for long enough.
# 4 After one break, you move on to the next person.
This is most likely due to why you are never *or barely* alone. You are constantly in a state of rebound and you think that the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Sometimes when serial monogamists start to feel a fight with their current partner, they leave their options open. They will start looking for other perspectives even before it's over, just to be ready. Just to make sure they won't be alone.
# 5 You choose quantity over quality in a relationship.
At first, everything is probably great for a serial monogamist. There is undeniable chemistry with the other person, but it ends very quickly. Not only do you move from one relationship to another, but they are usually short-lived. This is because your expectations are too low.
Since you are afraid of loneliness, you inevitably put quality aside and choose someone who will follow you. But for your own good, you really need to learn to be more selective in the dating process.
# 6 You are a romantic.
That's right. You believe in the concept of one true love and being with one person for the rest of your life. If you can't see yourself with your current partner for the rest of your life, you're done. Perhaps that is why your relationship is so short-lived. You are always actively looking for that person for you, though. Every time you meet someone new, you're always so sure it's the one. But then a new perspective comes along and the process starts all over again.
# 7 Although you want to be in a committed relationship, you cannot take the next step together.
Don't get me wrong, serial monogamists want to commit to a long-term relationship. You really want to take the next step in a relationship, whether it's cohabitation or marriage, but for some reason you can't.
After reaching a certain point in a relationship *maybe after a few months, or even after a year or two*, things start to get worse. You start to feel trapped and almost claustrophobic with someone. Arguments follow. Why is this? Probably because you're afraid of the emotional intimacy a relationship can offer. So, in the end, you call it out.
# 8 Your relationship is more physical than emotional.
Do you need to give someone physical affection? Perhaps even yearn for it? Are your relationships based more on a physical level than an emotional one? This could be another sure sign that you are a serial monogamist. If you cannot connect with your partner on an emotional level, it will be difficult to continue.
Are you a serial monogamist??
Do any of these 8 characters sound like you? If you're still not sure if you're a serial monogamist, take a look at your past relationship experiences.
What if you move on to another relationship, often for several years? It's time to take a break from the relationship, a break of more than one week, maybe even a month or six. Although a terrible idea, it is important to you.
Being alone is not the end of the world!
Loneliness can often be confused with loneliness. No need! Contrary to what you may believe, it's actually good to be alone. If you are a serial monogamist and for the first time in your life you are single, this is your opportunity to find yourself and fully develop as a person. Use this time to find your hobbies and interests. This is your chance to do all the things you couldn't do when you had a partner. But at the same time, it's important to mourn the relationship and allow yourself to heal.
Once you feel comfortable and on your own, then you will know that you are ready for a relationship again. That's when you know you can be truly happy with someone else. It is important to understand that you will not be alone for the rest of your life. You will grow and learn to love yourself. Don't let a serial monogamist hurt your prospect of meeting a truly great person.
If you see these 8 signs of a serial monogamist in yourself, wean yourself off the problems of intimacy and fear of boredom in existing relationships. And if you're single, try to understand yourself and your true desires first before diving into a relationship.
“I slept with 45 people. And what?'| Rusoptovik
- Women's
Love Island: “I slept with 45 people. And what?'
- 22-02-2012
- comments
At first glance, it seems that equality is gradually permeating the Love Island Villa. Last week it was again time for the boys to reveal the "body count" - in other words, the magical number of people they had sex with. In previous seasons, all the boys boasted about counting to teens, tens and even hundreds, but this year Finley said he only slept with three people. The rest of the islanders congratulated him on his comparatively small numbers.
Meanwhile, islander Connor was greeted with disdain for sleeping with "about 100" people, while Callum reported his number at 70, many of which were one-night stands. When he retorted that it was just a way to have fun, fellow contestant Shaugna said, "I never had one night breaks, but I still had fun."
So is this the feminist utopia we've always dreamed of going to the Love Island Villa? Of course not. Sleeping with a lot of people (and in the UK there are seven in a lifetime) still requires a lot of moral condemnation. People think they can guess you by the number of people you've had sex with. If you're a woman, they assume that you're unhappy, that you can't pin a guy down, that you're looking for constant confirmation from outside sources, that you just can't say no. If you are a man, you are unfaithful, you do not respect women, you are immature. But really? Isn't it time for us to start seeing sleeping with a lot of people as a proper way of life, devoid of moral weight?
“Sex doesn't have to be serious and strict to be valuable,” says Louise McInnes, a certified sex and relationship coach. “As long as it’s done consistently and safely, sleeping with multiple partners can be a great way to explore what you love, learn to ask for it, respect boundaries, and understand that no two bodies are the same. It can be an unabashed celebration of our diversity, our sexuality and the fun that can be had when people come together in search of shared pleasure.”
I fully agree that this can be a positive life experience. I'm 27 and currently in a long-term monogamous relationship and I don't plan to change that, but I'm grateful for the years I've spent sightseeing in the various bedrooms, bathrooms, tents and trash cans behind. pubs. I think it made me a better girl. It gave me confidence, great anecdotes, and a better idea of what I'm looking for in a potential partner. It made me more confident that
I will be faithful, for example - I know the grass is not greener on the other side, because I have already trodden most of it, both men and women, about 45 in total. But most of all I am glad that I did it, because it was fun. It made me happy and left wonderful memories. I didn't want to wait until I had sex until the perfect person came into my life and if I hadn't done all of that I wouldn't even know how perfect she really is.
I hate traveling. I never want to do bungee jumping, I avoid bus rides whenever possible. I don't have a backpack with a waist belt. You won't catch me dead in hippie bloomers. But I understand that travel is a hobby that many people take up when they are young, which enriches their lives and gives them memories they look back on fondly. Just like spanking for me. Traveling is not a risk-free hobby - I know several people who have fallen off the back of a moped in Thailand. Likewise, slagging is not a risk-free hobby; gonorrhea is really everywhere. I love to go on vacation for just one week and pack my things in a suitcase on wheels; therefore, I hope that more daring tourists respect me, just as I respect those who prefer not to sleep idle.
Islander Finlay also admitted that all his partners were girlfriends, for which he was again congratulated. Finley is obviously one of those people who likes to have a girlfriend. Classic serial monogamist. This is one of the many dating styles that people tend to fall into.
However, it is often mistakenly believed that a serial monogamist will always be a more faithful and better partner than one who has had many partners. The serial monogamist has its upsides—these people are likely to get along well with their parents, they can be used to cohabitation, and are proficient in the day-to-day compromises that underlie all relationships.
But they might just like having a girlfriend. They may settle too quickly with someone who isn't really a good match for them because they might like the girl more than they actually like you. They may need external confirmation that they are in a relationship in order to feel confident. They may enjoy the new excitement of the first two years of a relationship and then get bored. There is no promise that a serial monogamist will be the perfect partner.
People often assume that someone who has slept with a lot of people will be a less suitable regular partner. They assume they are more likely to be unfaithful or unable to take action. But it is also highly likely that this is someone who enjoys sex, but has not yet found the right person. Someone who doesn't settle for the first person to show interest in them, but who will wait for someone they feel the right connection with until they do. Someone who has been a bit of a slapper may be more adventurous and experienced in bed, they may be more passionate about sex and be willing to prioritize it more in a relationship.
Neither method is actually better or more moral than the other. What matters is that you do what works for you, not because you think the other option is wrong, but because that's what makes you happy. And if someone comes with a different style than you, it does not mean that his path is wrong or that he is not the right partner for you. You will probably even learn something from each other.
