Self pleasure articles
How To Get Comfortable With Touching Yourself : Life Kit : NPR
"The world touches us in so many ways," poet David Whyte reminds us in his book Consolations, "through the trials of love, through pain, through happiness, through our simple everyday movement through the world."
This sense of connection is what many of us have missed in the last year: a hug from a friend, a kiss from a lover, the casual brush past a stranger on a crowded street. And it is essential, a need deeply rooted in our biology. Jesse Kahn, a licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist based in New York City, explains touch releases oxytocin, reduces stress, and calms our nervous system. The absence of it, he says, can manifest as "depression or anxiety or a feeling of loneliness or stress."
That is why it is important to remember that we have a far greater capacity to bring the comfort of touch to ourselves than we might realize.
Celebrating our bodies, and the pleasure they can give us, can be the starting point for an extraordinary relationship with ourselves and the world.
Here's how to get started.
Get curious about happiness
"The relationship that we have with ourselves is primary, one that we're going to have for our entire lives. And it's also the most intimate," Kahn says. That is why it is important to consider the broad continuum of what brings us pleasure. Maybe it's a walk on the beach, or a long hot bath. Or maybe it includes connection that's more intimate.
adrienne maree brown, the author of Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good, spent three months of the pandemic alone. "I began to question what it actually meant to touch myself. Not touch myself in the erotic sense, though that was a component, but what [did] it actually mean to deliver touch to myself?"
What she learned was revelatory: that if she was willing to slow down and take time, she could give herself "a huge amount of the sacred touch" that she longed for.
Believe you are worthy of receiving that joy
What was fundamental to brown's self-connection was deep acceptance of her body, a shift that took time.
"As I looked at my stretch marks and cellulite, I thought, 'This is not what a body is supposed to look like.'" But then, she caught herself, and started to question where those ideas came from. What she found was a cacophony: capitalism, white supremacy, and patriarchy; ableism and fat phobia.
Once she identified these sources, she says, she was able to slowly disassociate from them. Now, when she looks in the mirror, she speaks to herself with love, and reminds herself that the thighs she once judged hold power: "These are the sacred legs that hold me up."
Start to explore the ways your body can give you pleasure
Your body, sexologist Megan Stubbs reminds us, "is the vessel that's carried us through life, and through a pandemic. And it is something that's also able to bring amazing pleasure."
If self-exploration is new, treat it like a new relationship with another person: be curious and give it time. "You don't just have to necessarily focus in on majorly erogenous zones," Stubbs says.
"Touch your earlobe or notice the way your fingers caress your neck." And then, keep going. "You may find that that light touch is just enough. Or maybe you want to apply more pressure, a percussive tapping, a tweaking. It's fun to experience different sensations."
"Masturbation can be the turning point for a lot of people when it comes to making peace with their bodies," Stubbs writes in her book, Playing Without a Partner. "Understanding that you are worthy of sexual pleasure is so powerful. You, in whatever body right now, can and deserve to experience pleasure."
Have fun and experiment with different kinds of touch — and maybe toys
Masturbation is normal and healthy—and sex toys are, too. In fact, people have been using them for centuries. If this is your first foray, Stubbs recommends reading reviews, and making a modest investment to start. "Don't break the bank on one toy. Get a couple of value-priced toys with different styles and see what you like," she says.
Her top suggestions?
1) Vibrators that come in a variety of sizes and settings. They can be used on many parts of the body and in different types of sexual activity both solo and with others.
2) Dildos — non-vibrated or non-powered toys — that offer "feelings of fullness and penetration."
3) Anal toys that are inserted and, she cautions, must be used with lubrication and have a flared base.
4) Strokers that fit snugly over the penis and replicate the feeling of intercourse.
Ultimately your choice to use toys or not comes down to interest, Kahn says. "Do what works for you."
Pleasure is powerful. Harness that joy beyond the bedroom.
The joy you experience can be used as a guide, adrienne maree brown says, to engaging in the world. "Pursuing pleasure within your body is a way that our body trains us for how we are meant to move to those orgasmic experiences of life," she says.
How you touch yourself — with curiosity, care, and love — can inspire how you touch the world.
Simran Sethi is a journalist who reports on psychology, sustainability, and ways to make the world more delicious and just.
The podcast portion of this episode was produced by Andee Tagle.
We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at [email protected].
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9 Women Share Their Self-Pleasure Rituals
But masturbating isn't just a sexual practice; there are also many health benefits to self-pleasuring on a regular basis. Masturbation can be a stress reliever, promote better sleep, and can even be used as a form of meditation. When we have an orgasm, we get a rush of oxytocin and endorphins that puts us in a good mood and can even relieve some physical pain.
"I often say that you can't be fully well without being sexually well," Strgar writes.
"[For example] we often don't realize how closely correlated sexual satisfaction is with pain relief, but the cascade of hormones released in orgasm can diminish discomfort1 caused by everything from sore joints to menstrual cramps to headaches."
Despite all these positive benefits, there's still something of a hush-hush when it comes to masturbation. But the more we talk about it, the more we can bust that archaic taboo. The truth is, there's nothing at all embarrassing or shameful about treating yourself well and giving your body pleasure. It can, in fact, be a true act of self-care and a real ritual—involved, intentional, and luxurious.
To celebrate the magic of masturbation, we asked nine real women to describe their most indulgent self-pleasure rituals for when they really want to make a night of it. Here's what they told us.
Weekends are the perfect time to unwind with a good O.
"I like to sleep in and have my DIY time in the morning after a nice hot bath.
This way, I'm well-rested, stress-free, and completely in the moment so that orgasms come a dime a dozen. I've found that this is the best way to punctuate a week well done and start the following week on a note of rest and relaxation." —Samantha, 29
Lighting sets the mood.
"I've realized that light for me is a big factor (if the light is really bright in the room, I can't connect to my sexuality as much). I'm also very visual. I can't start feeling anything with just my imagination; I have to see something to start stimulating erotic emotion, so [I use] porn or even read erotica. Typically, I will light a candle daily regardless of whether or not that's the plan for the night, so that's also going on in the background." —Jessica, 26
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Self-pleasure is a special event to pull out all the stops for.
"Finishing work, I brush off the energy of the day dancing in the kitchen blaring the dubstep version of 'Feeling Good' doing my S-Factor hip circles, pretending that it's the Divine Masculine Himself pouring me a glass of wine.
I run a bath, use succulent oils and salts, have candles going, a waterproof vibrator, [and] bring the glass of wine. [And I] still have the X-mas red icicle lights up because cellulite is undetectable in red light!
"Sometimes I read my Goal Achievement Script of my life a year from now, really feeling how gloriously delicious things are in my future. Sometimes I read sacred erotic material—love David Deida's Blue Truth. Sometimes I just sit in silence, visualizing how my yet-to-meet lover will talk, touch, and be there for me.
"I get off imagining my lover is watching me rub glorious oil all over my body, honoring my skin, my hair, my curves. A piece of dark chocolate slowly savored on the way to bed and perhaps one more slow, sensual dance by candlelight as I get into bed." —Allana, 49
Porn and sexting are useful visual aids to get you going.
"I'm definitely [someone] who really enjoys pornography. So I try to find a video that reminds me of my boyfriend (ha-ha).
Also, I love to masturbate and sext or sexy snap my boyfriend too. Especially being kind of long-distance, it keeps the romance alive. Also I almost always light my Himalayan salt lamp so my room glows pink." —Sarah, 26
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Masturbation can be a form of meditation in that it relaxes you and clears your mind.
"I don't have a ritual for masturbation, per se, but it's definitely something I try to do regularly as a way to relieve stress when I'm really wound up. I never really thought about this way until recently, but I think masturbation, for me, is similar to meditation, in that it's something that helps me clear my head. I don't really think about anything when I do it, not even sexual fantasies most of the time. I just kind of lose myself in the feeling and the release I feel afterward." —Alexandra, 25
Pleasuring your senses can enhance your physical pleasure.
"For me, I need to completely relax and cleanse myself from all the negative energy around. There's where I light my Glendora candle (perfectly balanced with wood sage, sea salt, and peonies), or Palo Santo stick, set a bath with my aromatic and 'magical' bath salts, take a sip off my CBD turmeric drink, and soak into the tub.
"I find that the total setting of switching off all outside energies and focusing on 'me' helps. And if you want a quick fix, I have this fantastic and fun vibrator that is shaped like mascara and great to carry with you or pull out when you need a little screaming 'O.'" —Courtney, 40
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Incense and essential oils can help you tap into your sexuality.
"I love burning sensual oud incense as a way to clear my space of any negative energy preventing me from being present for myself. I practice luxurious self-massage with nourishing oils and sensual essential oils like ylang-ylang and Palo Santo to promote a radiant connection within.
I cherish Palo Santo because it is such a high-frequency essential oil, meaning it raises one's vibration toward love and divine peace. [...] For me, ylang-ylang frees my mind from its inhibitions and promotes sensations of pleasure and joy." —Amanda, 35
Self-pleasure can feel even better with an audience.
"I've never been a fan of roses or candles. I am not a romantic. When it comes to my philosophy on pleasure, nothing is as important as the end result—an orgasm.
"It's no secret that I have sex every day with my husband. (I literally wrote a book about it.) But when I say sex, people usually don't instantly think masturbation. Self-pleasuring is popular on the menu at my house. My husband and I have actually started calling it 'the usual' because this is an easy method for a quick connection. Whether I let him watch or we service ourselves side-by-side, masturbation is an effective way to get exactly what I want—quick results." —Caitlin, 33
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The aftermath is also essential to your self-pleasure.
"I usually prefer to self-pleasure in the morning or midday since I have more energy at those times. For me, the initial act of pleasure is usually spontaneous, but the aftercare I try to keep consistent. After I have orgasmed, I first pee of course (to prevent UTIs) and then put on a skin care face mask for 10 minutes. Then I take a long, hot shower. The feelings after orgasm when by yourself can sometimes be confusing, so I find it's important to have a self-care ritual for after masturbation as well." —Annie, 31
CHILDREN WITHOUT PARENTS
Sympathy. Complicity. Empathy. Compassion.
I know that many people do not like these concepts: they scare them with belonging to the Old Testament distances, to biblical truths. As for words, I agree: one can argue here. But with the meaning - are we in a hurry, denying the essence of these words? After all, behind them are the original moral foundations, norms of behavior that are mandatory for everyone, regardless of education, lifestyle, and upbringing.
And they should be - they should! - in the foundation, at the base of each of us, there are natural and unshakable truths, the loss of which - or even just one - is the same as the absence of a whole link in the spine, in the backbone of the human soul.
However, this strangeness has long been noticed by me - but is it only me? The more prosperous is the life of a person, a family or a certain community - a group of families, and there, you see, some laboratory, institute, an entire village, where, in addition to strong salaries, there are still decent bonuses or, in addition to a powerful, high-yielding garden, raising consumer opportunities under the clouds ambitions, there is still legitimate material security - in a word, the more satisfying, the sweeter life is, the more reluctantly people want to know about the troubles that exist nearby, the more reluctantly they open their eyes at the sight of them, the more joyfully they close their ears when they hear an offer - to participate.
Satiety is prone to spiritual short-sightedness and moral deafness; she herself chooses these flaws, like an umbrella, hiding behind them from misfortunes, firmly believing that in this manner she herself will be saved: what does she care about others, if only she could achieve the desired ideal herself.
But what is the ideal of satiety? Oversatiation? Gluttony? Ten pairs of imported boots? Five doubles? Three cottages?
The fact of the matter is that even by its nature, satiety is finite and it has a limit: a person has reached all material goods - and what's next? And now he looks around: rich, but dissatisfied, because he is empty. And because he once forgot a simple, once rejected truth, which seemed Old Testament in the hour of self-gratification. And this truth is this: only by giving, you become richer. And we are not talking about property here. No, I am not talking about the ideal of modest poverty.
But only that the soul is ugly, knocking out the vertebrae in its backbone.
This soul is smaller.
I will clarify, in order to be correctly understood: I am not against satiety, especially in our people, who suffered in wars. I am against human blindness and deafness, which, alas, satiety gives rise to. I am for the lofty forgetfulness of the misfortune that lives nearby.
For sympathy and compassion, especially if we are talking about these little ones.
* * *
But why this preamble?
And in addition to the fact that the Politburo of our party considered and adopted a resolution of the Central Committee and the Council of Ministers of the country, dedicated to orphans and children “left without parental care,” such a not very convenient and smooth verbal formula has entered our life and is present in her, sowing much bitterness and sorrow.
This document gives rise to rejoicing in my soul with my, I will say, human virtues - kindness, parental attentiveness to the smallest details of upbringing and life in the orphanage, in the orphanage, in the boarding school for orphans and children "remaining", caring for the fate of everyone who is there grows, and about exactly how it grows, with pedagogical concern about how the adult fate of a person will develop, in childhood, alas, deprived of paternal and maternal affection, such concern that the “remaining” one does not remain .
..
Forgive me for this lax comparison, but the idea that these children are not one hundred thousand cannot get out of my head! - in their difficult days, they found their place under the wing of a mighty and kind bird, under the wing of our Fatherland and its quiet kindness.
What! Indeed, in life we know: the deeper a person feels, the less often he swears love and fidelity, but with a truly genuine feeling he brightens the life of those whom he loves, whom he serves, whom he cherishes. No, a child, scorched by misfortune, does not remain hungry, orphaned, useless, he has somewhere to retreat, if unbearable, under the warm canopy of the state hand.
Does it sound overbearing? Not at all!
The state is us. Not in vain and wisely said once, this truth is especially clear, being applied to the everyday gradualities of children's destinies: after all, on the threshold of a child's home, an orphanage, they will be met by the living palms of a living and concrete Aunt Pasha or Aunt Glasha, who will take a nap, and cry, and take them out of from the depths of her heart affectionate, long unheard maternal words, and she will wash, and change clothes, and feed from a spoon, if she is small and weak, but, if you think about it, her hands are the hands of the Fatherland, the hands of the state.
In the name of the country, authorized kind aunts of various names and patronymics in various villages and cities take care of those who most of all need not new clothes - although oh, how they need them! - not a piece of bread, but the warmth of her palm - just something! - warmth of the heart.
For many years of walking through these sad houses, I made many good and frank acquaintances; so last summer I went to visit Galina Ivanovna Kostina, a teacher at an orphanage in my native city of Kirov, and, as usual, we moved around the groups and rooms, and every time I opened the door, my heart broke, went astray, because the baby, quickly looking at a stranger, after a moment's silence, as if breathing in her bird's breasts or comprehending something unknown, something of her own, now loudly, now quietly, now hoarsely, now loudly, but without fail, screamed at random, throwing the adult soul: "Daddy!"
No, they are not taught this, on the contrary, they are taught in all sorts of ingenious ways, and neither dads nor moms, consider that these kids, who came here in the majority straight from the hospital, have never seen in their initial life, and they don’t teach, no, not they teach these words in the child's home - the first words of universal childhood - but, wow, they know them from somewhere, they know and shout: "Mom!" - at the sight of any unfamiliar woman and shout: "Dad!" - at the sight of any unknown man.
The chilling mystery of primordial knowledge, this insatiable need of a loved one, this essential need sounds like a naive childish cry - know this, adults, prosperous and not very, easily injured and calm. Know, honest people, that on the very day when you were doused with the fire of adult resentment, when you are homeless in your own house, when life seems to lose its meaning, that right now, at this very moment, there are children, many children, intelligent and still quite stupid, they crave the smallest and are happy to be consoled by this: a good adult palm. Mother and father! And how petty, how insignificant our misfortunes are in the face of this inescapable childish thirst!
But here with Galina Ivanovna we enter the middle group, and along the arena, moaning and squealing, a small creature with snot under its nose and with a face full of bliss hurries up to her on its knees. “Come on, good one,” she takes the girl in her arms, and just strokes her, and just wipes her nose, and just presses her closer, and just kisses her on the cheek.
A child's face is uncensored, because there are still no brakes so that, God forbid, something does not splash out on the face. And so much jubilation, bliss, boundless bliss on this muzzle, that I, in a sinful deed, thought: here is the sterile purity of feelings, the highest truth, the true truth.
The girl, of course, began to cry when they put her back into the arena, and Galina Ivanovna said to me, frowning: “The eighth child of one mother! And everyone got to us!
* * *
Every single one! - children's fate, moored to the pier of state motherhood and distant from natural motherhood, is marked by drama, and even tragedy - it does not matter whether they are realized by the children's consciousness or not yet.
The orphanage is generally a mirror of national disasters. The names of Lenin, Dzerzhinsky, Krupskaya, Makarenko consecrated the salvation of childhood at the turn of two social epochs. Private charity, pitiful help from mercy, shelters - that's a word! - replaced by state protection, material and spiritual.
Then a terrible war, and again orphanages - hundreds of thousands of orphans who looked death in the eye. Childhood is an integral part of such a concept as a people, and as a part of the people, childhood shared with adults the hardships of unimaginable trials. And the orphanage remembers its bitter but proud days with dignity.
On the verge of the fifties, it was believed that orphanages would soon disappear altogether. The smallest orphans of the war will grow up, and if there are lonely children, they will be scattered in boarding schools: their construction, hastily disputed, was considered almost the main key to all the problems of education - how hasty, reckless, naive we are sometimes! However, the orphanages, and along with them the children's homes, did not dissolve into boarding schools, no. On the contrary, over the years, boarding schools for orphans and “leftover” children were added to them, where the orphanage was connected to the school.
Well, what about the children? Where do they come from now?
Difficult, painful question.
It was not in vain that I spoke about military orphanhood: it was a bitter, but proud time. Alas, we have nothing to be proud of now. And then it's time to turn to the word "remaining" - boarding schools for orphans and children left without parental care. How are they left without the care of their mother and father?
Well, first about the orphans. Accidents, catastrophes, earthquakes, of course, are inevitable even in the most peaceful time, but, let's be honest, the children who become orphans as a result of such disasters are a few fractions of a percent. It is bitter to talk about it, but without parental care, children are left through the fault - or misfortune - of the parents themselves.
Ah, if those who planned to put their hand up to the elbow into the treasury for the sake of their own good (in the name of the children - they swear) knew, what a misfortune they punish not only themselves, but also those whose blessing they covered up dishonor? And to know, to foresee - so easy! In general, when you read the personal files of orphans, you can't help feeling: how thoughtless, how reckless and how guilty the world of the adult relatives of these children is! How pitiless! And how we punish! Law enforcement is only half the battle.
The children's court has its own truth, and one marvels at its sometimes unchildlike loftiness and righteousness of unforgiving truths.
Here is one story, however, often encountered - to me, at least, in a surprising multitude - at first similar to a joke: a husband comes home from work, and his wife with her lover; but then a terrible retribution in cruelty - the husband grabs a gun from the wall and kills his wife. The plot, vulgar even for the newspaper Incident, acquires new values when one circumstance is clarified: both the wife and husband sinned in front of the children. The girl is six years old. The boy is two years old.
The kid does not remember much, and only the girl judges: on the day of the father's release, on the day when a repentant and completed sentence man comes to the orphanage to further atone for his guilt, the girl and her brother, raised by her in unforgiveness, refuse to leave with her father.
Forgiveness and unforgiveness, the price of life and the price of sin - how unchildish questions that children decide, "remained" or left behind.
And how they are distinguished by this tragic essence from all other children!
So - left, included in the concept of "remaining". The first among the highest moral truths of human decency is gratitude to motherhood. How many songs have been composed in honor of the mother, how many poems, what thickets of flowers have been mowed down and placed on the mother's graves! What is there! Maternal tenderness is the source of feat, inspiration, of human life itself, and therefore talking about trampled motherhood, torn motherhood, false motherhood is not an easy, difficult need. But the fact is that more and more often young women - let's pay special attention to this circumstance - refuse their children right in the hospital. More specifically, most babies who grow up in orphanages are just such unwanted children.
What is this phenomenon? How to understand it?
It's clear: almost every rejection of a newborn is a drama, a failed, frustrated love, a man's deceit, a break. But as you know, the law does not remove responsibility from a man, from a father - he must and can help in education, at least financially.
I don’t want to go into the relationship between a man and a woman, this is a completely different, age-old, “Balzac” problem, but, as we know, children are very often born from love. What to do! Bitterness is not easy, but forgivable, because it turns into joy - the hope and support of the mother. Such is the classic.
However, modern statistics of orphanages state, in essence, that being a single mother - but a mother! — much more shameful than giving up motherhood altogether. Neither in the passport, nor on the forehead of the one who gave birth, but abandoned the child in the arms of the state, is there a bold stamp of shame.
Seemingly quiet, seemingly imperceptible to the eye, not armed with knowledge, the cuckoo flock is added by the number of wings that flicker not in the light of searchlights, the opinion of rumors, but at dusk, when the deed, although not criminal - according to the law - is unnatural to the very essence of motherhood.
It's hard to live. There is no apartment.
Relatives curse for what they suffered from the unfaithful. Circumstances always exist, but young mothers do not want to be above circumstances. They do not want to part with imaginary freedom, with the hope of a happy marriage, in which her child will become a heavy weight.
Every human cuckoo has its own pen, there are those who openly, though not without hops in their eyes, interpret how useful it is for a woman to give birth - the blood renews, and the state, they say, does not mind: it provides maternity leave and all the benefits due; alas, I saw such people in no small number: eight children each - these are from them.
Assessing similarities in the literary heritage of the classics, we famously crack down on the situation: social motives. But in our time, in our social circumstances, is the rejection of motherhood social? Yes three times no. Almost every young woman who gives a son or daughter right in the maternity hospital has abundant relatives, work with a fan of compassionate public organizations that will help here and help there, and the state gives benefits - albeit small, but before that it was not, free medicines, free nurseries, a kindergarten, and you never know what and where else a mother will find help, if she needs it, both obligatory, let's say, formal, legally established, and human, cordial.
What then is the reason?
Selfishness, licentiousness, cowardice, greed - though insignificant, at such a ruthless, wild price - finally, emptiness, spiritual cynicism, unwillingness to sacrifice one's own peace, well-being, but not need, not the last extreme, not a hungry life.
How many times more humane is the state than a mother who refuses a newborn, because it takes a child without any conditions, bearing full responsibility for its upbringing and education. By Law 19For 43 years, any single mother can give her child to an orphanage without losing maternal rights, what could be more decent? Adopted during the war years, this rule meant nothing more than helping the mother in the difficult circumstances of that time. I repeat: it still works now, like a lifesaver in extreme hopelessness, so maybe you should wait out difficult circumstances, the child’s home, which means that the state agrees to take the child for a while, and they explain in detail to the “refuseee”: they say, wait a minute, take your time, you may regret it, understand at first that you decide the fate of your little blood.
But - in vain. Hard-hearted false mothers are implacable, as if agreeing to do an unthinkable favor.
I am far from thinking of smearing all such mothers with the same paint. Of course, they think about their abandoned children - something else outside of human nature. Regret. They cry. Some - very few - look for them in orphanages, they catch on. Years, however, by thirty, without having arranged their destinies. But what is the use of these penny sorrows? It would be better to think about what will happen to their children, how they live, what they dream about, what they are happy about, how their adult life will turn out - they would think about it.
Say what you like, but this is a great washing of the soul - the thought of children, guilt before those who are abandoned by their mother; and many people are driven by this guilt - directors of these children's joys, educators, nannies, watchmen, grooms, because both the groom and the watchman are educators, named mothers and fathers, grandparents of children, circumvented by the warmth of parenthood and relatives.
But all the same, why don’t young women in childbirth wash their impure souls with this guilt - those who have given birth, but the childless? Why are their hearts so overgrown with rye and wild moss? After all, they are people, not animals, although they are a wild, forest beast, ready to fulfill their maternal instinct, given only by nature, not upbringing, to the end, die from a poacher’s bullet, and save the child, because, according to the original law, the mother always keeps the child .
I mentioned the word "education" here and was terrified. But really, there is any kind of education. In addition to school, institute, folk, there is also false education in a whisper, passions in the name of selfish well-being, talk about the innermost, where, to our sadness, it is not sinful to transgress any line. How highly moral is Mephistopheles, who exchanged his soul for immortality for Faust, if you can exchange human life for a penny well-being.
* * *
If we add to these sorrows one more, of course, extreme, - children born to women who would not have to give birth at all, but they give birth, contrary to the advice of psychiatrists and geneticists, if, in short, to imagine in full and diversity - Pedagogical, medical, simply human - discordant and multinational in the full sense of the word, a year-round children's boarding school, we will, willy-nilly, come to important ethical issues of the most delicate nature.
Among them the first: the right to - or the responsibility for the birth of a child. After all, we are talking about nothing less than the future fate, about tomorrow's man, and if you can’t talk about the right to have a child, everyone has the right, and this is not always good for the child! - then about responsibility - how can we be silent about it?
A child can be born. But for what? Only for happiness, for joy - there is only one answer! To give birth to trouble - what nonsense! What cruelty! Whose? Of course, mothers, because you can not give birth, and this has long been no sin. But once the child is born, should responsibility recede? Yes, she's just coming into her own.
There is no doubt, to give or not to give life to a human being is an ethical question of the individual, but to bear responsibility for the born, for his fate - isn't the state too hastily sharing this responsibility with the help of the child's home? After all, a mother can give such a receipt: I hand over, they say, my child without a name, patronymic and surname, I promise to continue not to worry anyone with my anxiety.
And from my mother such - like water off a goose. Neither she claims, nor - her. Isn't it too easy? Even easier than the alimony father. They just don't remember her...
The second ethical problem, and it relates to the fate of the child, is the question of the secrecy of adoption, adoption.
According to the law, a mother who has abandoned a child has no rights to it. But, firstly, this is only by law, and not only fully responsible directors of orphanages, orphanages, boarding schools, but also less responsible nannies, educators and people surrounding the children have access to the secret of adoption, and secondly, the secret of the child fully owned by the adults who adopted him. Alas, alas, and here it happens in every way. There are returns. There are divorces. And in all options - good and heavy - there is a boy or a girl who gradually becomes a young man or a girl, and then a man and a woman. The truth is a great thing, but here is a case where, perhaps, “a deceit that elevates us” will turn out to be more humane.
Just two ethical issues. I don't know the answers to them. More precisely, my answers are too subjective to be comprehensive. Only society fully armed with legal, medical, and pedagogical forces can solve them.
* * *
Yes, each of these children has its own broken fate, and how much dedication, heartfelt intelligence, tact, personal experience are required from an adult who has chosen an orphanage as a place of work in order to restore the devastation in the soul of a hardened child and build a new one in place of firebrands, albeit fragile, a building of hope and faith! The difficult complexity of the orphanage and its decisive difference from all other pedagogical systems is that it not only educates, but already re-educates, and not one out of ten, but all of them without exception, moreover, the everyday experience of the local kids is such bitterness and pain as any other adult never experience in a lifetime. It turns out that what has been trampled upon by the parents must be compensated for by the orphanage, but is it easy and possible to compensate with the official duties of an educator that which is not done by the heart of the parents.
In addition, while there are three dozen students (the groups will now be smaller) - two educators working in shifts, and they must do what two parents (even if only one mother) did not want for one of their children. So far, we are talking about a purely arithmetic balance of forces and love with an ideal - not official, but cordial - attitude towards children, which, of course, is not always and not everywhere.
Today, the adult population of the orphanage is quite clearly polarized into veterans, into those who, perhaps, during the war, shared their misfortune with the children, into teachers in their highest mission, who both day and night in state walls, making the walls themselves homely, humane, and for school dropouts - it also happens among adults, for those who could not resist at school and now came, much easier - to an orphanage.
An adult, according to the state, a person in an orphanage is not just a teacher. Destiny and its real role is much higher! He is the bearer of truth, kindness, justice; he, with his modest life, is a rejecter of human malice, a comforter, a spiritual healer, a confessor, whose soul, day and night, and with all his offenses, is open to the child’s ardent revelation, because he, the revelation, does not and cannot have a strictly verified hour.
Yes, and at night tears are shed and heated words of recognition are heard in the sleeping orphanage, and not a shout, not a prodding is heard in return, but reciprocal confessions, because, only opening up to each other, adults and children go towards.
However, twenty and one, isn't even a purely arithmetical ratio of children's and adult souls too unrealistic? Give yourself equally to everyone, somewhere in the back of your mind, still having your own family, is it conceivable, honestly - as at the highest court - to be divided into twenty equal, certainly equal parts, because increased attention to one leads to jealousy, tears, alienation of the other, when even a kind word spoken to one requires to be repeated by another and everyone should be stroked on the head, without offense.
Can we think? Thinkable. Necessarily from the point of view, I will say softer, the usual, not elevated spiritual performance of duties. But even a very sincere educator must be understood. Come to his aid.
Develop techniques and methods - to help him.
Of course, first of all, it would be necessary to help science here. Special pedagogy, some psychological, methodological techniques. By the way, pedagogical science is far from the new problems of upbringing in an orphanage, from the real difficulties of today's children, and it does not fit into a child's home at all - what a cleanliness. Or ignorance? Inability?
However, science alone will not help the cause, something else is required here, in my opinion, the openness of the orphanage, although not wide open.
Two or three years ago, Komsomolskaya Pravda told an amazing and sad story about how students with a puppet theater came to the orphanage, but the headmistress did not let them in. Young well-wishers even spent the night on the street in order to achieve their goal at least in the morning - and in vain. To whom and what bad lesson did the headmistress give? And to everyone - both well-wishers and children who have been shown their place - no less - in society, they say, you are not an affiliation of good will, but the will of the boss, regulated, when necessary, they will show you a puppet theater or cinema, and when not need.
..
This shaky border between "when it is possible" and "when it is impossible" should not depend on one person - good or evil, on the will of a single headmistress. The new document of the party and government, as it were, supremely opens the doors of orphanages to the good will of society. The good will of human sympathy, signified by the concept of “patronage”, now acquires the widest boundaries. At the expense of funds for social development, enterprises are even allowed to build new orphanages - according to the most humane, pedagogical and human parameters, suggesting unwounded, and labor, and spiritual, and artistic development of a person in difficult personal circumstances. As you know, funds for social development are the money that the plant spends on improving the living conditions of its employees, on housing, kindergartens, and cultural centers. Thus, even financially orphanages become their own for the plant, not to mention the moral side of the matter.
Actually, it seems to me that the word “patronage” is not very appropriate when it comes to an orphanage.
Here it would be better to use both the word and the concept - "friendship". Not a binding in the name of an event, but permanent human relations, in which, first of all, it is necessary to immerse the human young - young workers, engineers, doctors, athletes. For the most hopeless, the most insignificant, if one day “bosses” appear with toys and gifts, and then disappear for a year, and a year later others will appear, like a genie from a bottle. No, not gifts, not momentary caresses and one-time smiles are expected from the world by the “remaining”, but long-term human interpenetration, sincere interest, camping trips, travels, conversations - this is a practical help to the educator, practical relief from his bitter burden.
And the group nature of these relations, this friendship, seems to me infinitely more important. When dealing with such children, the first thing that an adult person from the outside should turn around in himself is his own goodness, because the road to hell is paved with nothing but good intentions.
Recently, Komsomolskaya Pravda started on its pages readers' negotiations: how, they say, to take the children from the orphanage into the family - for the weekend. I want to note that this is exactly the case when it is necessary to “check harmony with algebra”. Impulse is a good thing, but not here. A child who enters a warm but strange house feels only one desire: to stay in it. Or envy (why don't I have it?). And there will not be a judge capable of judging this hard-won feeling with special spiritual reasons. And the most painful thing is if, having invited him or her to warmly once or twice, then the adult benefactor cools down, changes his mind, exhausts his kindness - how much anguish, melted into anger and unpredictable explosions, he will generate, what a rollback in the re-education of the child, what a new impetus for alienation from the shores of truth, towards which educators diligently and patiently ruled!
The orphanage of our day, like fire, is not afraid of evil, not of the continuation of the meanness into which the children plunged, but of these good, but unfulfilled intentions, momentary nobility, short-lived feelings that deliver some kind of voluptuous self-pleasure to be good in their own eyes thanks to a matryoshka donated for a gold piece.
Most dangerous to him are kindly benefactors, who first of all console themselves, and children in such consolation are only a means.
So let collective relations be better - yes, this is a paradox: after all, the wider, the smoother, but also more painless, and therefore more humane. Of course, it is foolish to object if an adult, strong in soul and desire, enters into a relationship with a child that guarantees their completeness and completeness. But it is very difficult to guarantee, therefore, for the benefit of children, it would be kinder to suspend a shallow, but explosive feeling in manifestation, mindful of the emergency: the measure of retribution.
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In general, delicacy, awareness that you have a relationship with an increased degree of sensitivity, that a misinterpreted word, an unfulfilled promise, and even a hint of it are equal to a wrong deed, in a word, deliberate caution, coupled at the same time with devout loyalty to these guys, selflessness of an adult heart , even self-immolation of mature souls, the most maximalist here, is not only acceptable, but necessary as the only guarantee of good luck.
Children gathered under the roof of an orphanage are so different from their ordinary peers, so vulnerable and so sensitive to any false note that the rebellion of their souls is inevitable, like the elements.
Do you remember how heart-rending, how hopeless the cries of babies from the orphanage, calling for father and mother? And now imagine that at the same hour in a boarding school for those “remaining” a teenager breaks down into hysterics, tears, and long-lasting confusion when an inexperienced teacher reminds him about his mother, about his father, alive, alive, but betrayed in the name of their own imaginary pleasures. . From the suffering cry to the tears of hatred - this is the frame in which childhood is framed, living, in fact, within the same walls. From love to unforgiveness and from this unforgiveness to the thirst for at least some person to pat on the head, just something! - stroked ...
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The document of the Central Committee and the Council of Ministers, it seems to me, is similar to the key to the problems of the orphanage, the orphanage, the boarding school for orphans and children of the "leftover", the key that is ultimately given to society, and therefore to the old, wise, and young sincere person , and a factory with its powerful material resources, and, say, a brigade, if it is a real human community, and not a formal grouping, a brigade, a student course, especially if it is from a pedagogical institute, a school, any human unity with its unlimited spiritual capabilities.
The whole point is to accept this key, to be able to use it, and this is not such a simple, not such a common thing.
Here, the fighters of the Grenada student brigade from the Pskov Pedagogical Institute earned four thousand in the summer, and although, of course, money for students is not at all superfluous, they bought furniture and toys for an orphanage in the village of Rodovoye, Palkinsky district. There are already hundreds of such detachments - they are called detachments of gratuitous labor - in the student labor movement, which sometimes falters and where students slowly become grabbers. Here the Central Committee of the Komsomol gives a whole shift in Artek and Orlyonok to children from orphanages, and it turns out that for them this is not just an unforgettable pleasure and jubilation, but a powerful, already purely pedagogical shake-up: it turns out that even one shift having been in such a camp , a small person is able to re-realize himself, shift moral accents in himself, in other words, shake off a lot of his difficult fate, go through life on a new path .
.. A curious detail: the Komsomol gave the guests "Artek" and "Eaglet" ... a watch , and this gift turned out to be very necessary, because one of the inability of these guys is the inability to manage time and money. Literature is also not aloof; for example, writers and the publishing house "Children's Literature" are already releasing the third collection called "Gift" - once a month, when a collective birthday is celebrated in orphanages, this volume is given to birthday people, the entire circulation of which is purchased by the Central Committee of the Komsomol. If you understand properly that these guys don’t have any property of their own, everything, to the button, is government property, then a book as the first personal property is a meaningful and wise thing. And if five or seven good books, a kind of collection of works, which includes fairy tales, classics, modern prose, will take with him, beyond the threshold of the orphanage, his graduate is no small blessing and not a bad parting word at all.
At its core, society once again turns its face to the "remaining" children. It's fair and just. Our people are too experienced by the hardships of military hard times to now, in the years of growing prosperity, play the role of an ostrich alien to us and hide our heads in the sand at the sight of trouble. I will scour someone else's misfortune with my hands - there is such a saying, but no, do not shrug the misfortune that we are talking about here. And it not only requires funds - funds, and huge ones, will be provided by the state. The only thing it cannot give is warm human hands, blood relationship. That is why, overcoming the sadness of the “remaining”, the first effort of the people, addressed to itself, by the way, should be directed in such and such a way that there are fewer orphans with living parents, so that young mothers do not part so easily with their children so that there are fewer children “left” alone with themselves and in an orphanage.
Helping the Fatherland, suffering for children and compassion for them, let us ring the bell of our own conscience: where is my son, where is my daughter, and who am I in this world ?!
Paid fishing - fishing in an aquarium? About sore
- Sereg, why don't you show off? There is silence in WhatsApp, not a word on VKontakte .
.. Usually there is so much information from you, and then suddenly silence ... Is it really because of these, who have a huge FPV *?
What should I answer this question? And I answered as it is. Perhaps someone will see themselves in these lines and understand that this is not possible.
Therefore, we sit down comfortably, prepare shovels, fans and brooms for the banya. I want to touch on a topic that has been in the air for a long time.
Why I go fishing for a fee
If not to rant, then there are three reasons.- Fishing conditions. It is not always possible to find a good beach, where there is not only a toilet (it is possible in the bushes, but why, when there are amenities), but also a place for barbecue, a table, benches. Maybe even a gazebo. All this personally relaxes me and disposes to fishing. For example - Karakan forest ... And you can fish and relax ... Not a payer ... But the amount of cattle that "will give you a rest" is scale .
.. - No jumpers. Those who have been in the subject for more than a year see the difference in how the "behavior" of the podzhopniks has changed. Now they even get bored in the leg and won't say - I'm sorry... Most likely they will say that the river is common, move over . You can present it on the payer.
- Fish information. On the paysite, you can prepare for fishing in advance. For example, here on phishingsib - select the paid reservoirs section, read, buy what you need and go. At the "usual place", if you are not in the course - it will be very difficult to learn something. Because modern fishermen often bait something under their breath and do not share points, lures, or secrets ... Not offensive, but simply incomprehensible. Why did the fishing community shut down so abruptly?
However, this does not mean that paid fishing is the basis for me. It's just a choice that I make under certain circumstances.
And now to the main thing.
Why don't fishermen from paid reservoirs want to talk about their successes ? Because they are afraid of the creaking of sofa springs
Trolls... They will crawl out right there. Trolls, couch analysts, critics, catchers of mothers for 20kg and the like comrades. Which HERE will tell you that fishing on a paid reservoir is fishing in an aquarium.
Is that true? This is my take on this issue.
Personally, it seems to me that most of the people who write and think this way have never been on a paysite. And if they were, then I had to know the sorrow of the "donut hole". Realizing the worthlessness, they say, how is it - I'm a catcher of mothers for 20 kg, I can't catch on a paysite, they begin to "go on the offensive."- there are not fishermen on the paysites
- this is an aquarium
- it is not difficult there
- any fool will be able to
And the payer - in most cases, this is the same reservoir to which you need to pick up the key. No one sits at the bottom and puts a fish on your hook. Conclusion
We have a lot of competitions in paid reservoirs in Novosibirsk ... There are not very many reports from them. On paid reservoirs, fishermen manage to catch good trophies, interesting fish (KOI carp, for example) ... Reports on these events from gulkin's nose.
And why? Because the springs on the sofas will creak, the thin little hands of those same analysts will reach for the keyboards...
Friends, I want to appeal to everyone who has read my nonsense to the end.
As Isaac Walton** said: " Foresight is one of the main character traits of a seasoned angler ".
Be prudent, because tomorrow you may be called to a paid reservoir, and you will not be able to tell how a 6 kg KOI carp was caught there. And all because your role is an opponent of payers. So you will hug a photo with a carp in the dark under a warm blanket and wait when you can pounce on the next fisherman, creaking sofa springs.
