Self absorbed personality type

Self-Centered People: 7 Signs of Selfishness

  • If someone is self-centered, they usually don't reciprocate the effort you put into the relationship.
  • They may also disregard rules, believing that rules and guidelines don't apply to them.
  • To cope with a selfish person, you can set boundaries, tell them how you feel, or cut them off.

If you know somebody who constantly makes everything about themselves or seems to have little to no consideration for others, you are likely dealing with a self-centered person.  

This is common with people who have narcissistic personality disorder and makes it difficult for them to maintain healthy relationships with others. 

Note: It's often a good thing to practice self-care and prioritize your own needs from time to time. This is different from being single-mindedly self-interested and unable to see others' perspective.  

Here are nine signs that someone is self-centered, and how to deal with someone with this type of personality.

1. They have one-sided conversations

When talking to a self-centered person, you may notice that they tend to monopolize the conversation, says Taneille Smith, LMFT, LMHC, a therapist in private practice. 

For example, you might begin to share about how difficult work has been for you, and then they take this opportunity to go on and on about their own work stresses without acknowledging your own concerns. 

"This is self-centered behavior because it demonstrates that this person has little capacity to be curious about or imagine another person's perspective," says Smith.

2. They don't reciprocate effort

In a relationship with a self-centered person, you may find that there's a clear pattern of you giving your time, energy, and attention to them, but these gestures and efforts aren't reciprocated, says Smith. 

This shows that they care more about themselves than others since they are not willing to put in the effort to make you feel like it's an even relationship.  

3. They consistently lack perspective

"Self-centered people usually lack empathy, maybe not entirely, but at least enough that they struggle to put themselves in others' shoes," says Emily Simonian, LMFT, therapist at Thriveworks. This can show up as:

  • Refusing to see someone else's side of a disagreement
  • Disregarding others' views, beliefs, or opinions as invalid

4. They think rules don't apply to them

Simonian says that self-centered people will perpetually do things their own way and take a "my way or the highway" approach to life. 

"This sense of entitlement causes self-centered individuals to frequently break rules because of carelessness, arrogance, or a lack of empathy that prohibits them from seeing how their behavior affects others,'' says Simonian.

5. They're inconsiderate 

People who are self-centered will often do everything on their own terms, without taking your needs or desires into consideration as well, says Smith.  

For example, they might choose activities, restaurants, or movies that they prefer regardless of whether you like them or not. Smith says this demonstrates that they don't consider anyone's preferences but their own.

6. They're controlling

It's common for self-centered people to come off rigid or controlling, since they may want things to go exactly their way, says Smith. 

For example, if your partner or roommate is controlling, they might insist that things in your home are arranged in a certain way or that the chores are done specifically the way they want them done. 

7. They're unable to receive or respond to feedback

If you try to give a self-centered person any feedback about their selfish behavior, it's likely that they won't take it seriously and won't take responsibility for their behavior. 

"They may get defensive, fail to see the consequences of their actions, or simply disregard feedback out of carelessness. If something isn't hurting or affecting them, it's difficult for them to want to change," says Simonian.

Tips on how to deal with someone who is self-centered

If you're struggling with a self-centered person, here are some tips to make your interactions a bit more pleasant.

1. Set boundaries

Setting boundaries with someone who is self-centered can help you interact on your own terms. It can also help you avoid situations where they drain your energy or monopolize your time. 

For example, some boundaries you could set are:

  • If you're making plans, you can let them know in advance that you need to be home at a certain time. 
  • If they call you to talk, you can let them know you only have 10 or so minutes to talk. 

2. Find ways to cope if you cannot disengage

In some cases, you may not be able to truly separate from a self-centered person, such as if they're a family member or coworker you see everyday. In this scenario, it can be helpful to find ways to cope with their behavior. 

Simonian says some examples of coping skills for this situation are:

  • Reminding yourself to not take the things they say or do personally.
  • Redirect upsetting dialogue with them by changing the subject or leaving the conversation.
  • Learning to let things go by expressing your emotions or venting to a trusted friend or therapist.

3. Be realistic with your expectations

Though some people can grow to be more thoughtful and self-aware, it's important that you don't set yourself up for disappointment by expecting them to change. Instead, you can try to explore how they can fit into your life in a more positive way. 

For example, you should accept that a self-centered friend may not be the best person to spend all your time with. But if you have fun getting a drink with them once in a while and want them in your life in a small way, it's okay. Just be sure to reframe your relationship so that you're not expecting to depend on them when the going gets tough.

4. Tell them how you feel

There's a chance that the self-centered person is truly unaware of how their behavior is affecting you. That's why it's important to voice your concerns if you want to continue your relationship without more added resentment. 

"If you feel like this person is important to you and you want to give them an opportunity to change, share your experience with them. Have your feedback focus on how you feel that there's an imbalance in the relationship and provide a few examples," says Smith.

5. Know when it's time to cut them off

If you've expressed your feelings to the person but they aren't making any attempts to change their behavior, it's likely that you'll constantly feel hurt or angry after spending time with them.

At this point, it may be time to consider ending the relationship. "Relationships are meant to be mutually connective and staying in a one-sided romantic relationship or friendship with someone who can't meet basic relational needs will ultimately take a toll on your mental health," says Simonian.

Insider's takeaway

If you are interacting with someone who always makes everything about them, tends to be inconsiderate, or has a big ego, chances are, you're dealing with a self-centered person.  

Having a relationship of any type with someone like this can leave you feeling emotionally drained or hurt. 

If you want to salvage the relationship, be sure to set boundaries and open up about how you feel, but also know that the relationship might need to end for your own sake if extreme self-centered behavior continues. 

Ashley Laderer

Ashley Laderer is a freelance writer from New York who specializes in health and wellness. Follow her on Twitter @ashladerer

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7 Common Signs A Person Is Self-Absorbed & Self-Centered

What does it mean to be "self-absorbed"?

A self-absorbed person is someone who is only concerned about themselves and shows little interest in or care for others. As licensed marriage and family therapist Shane Birkel, LMFT, explains to mbg, these people "have a hard time with empathy and compassion for other people and other people's perspective, and they're much more focused on getting their own needs and wants met."

According to clinical psychologist Perpetua Neo, DClinPsy, we see this behavior in children between the ages of 2 and 6, who are going through something called the pre-operational stage, which is very egocentric. It's to be expected in children, she notes, but for adults who are self-absorbed, "it's almost like they never outgrew that stage—even if they have great scripts and can mask their self-absorption."


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How it relates to narcissism.

While there are many types of narcissism (and varying degrees), a lot of qualities and behaviors of a narcissist will overlap with someone who is self-absorbed. For starters, Neo says, narcissists are very entitled, as are self-absorbed people. "You have to be pretty entitled to always want to bring everything back to you," she adds.

And even if a self-absorbed person may not qualify for the diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), Birkel says, they can still have narcissistic tendencies like manipulation, controlling, and a general lack of empathy or concern for others. Just as a square is a rectangle but a rectangle isn't a square, a narcissist is self-absorbed, but a self-absorbed person isn't necessarily a narcissist.

7 common signs to look out for:


They call all the shots.

One of the more obvious signs of self-absorption is when someone is always calling the shots. Whether it's where you're going for dinner or when you have sex, Birkel says this kind of person wants everything their way and will probably not appreciate your thoughts, ideas, or recommendations.


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They make everything a competition.

Is this person always trying to one-up you? Or in some cases, "one-down" you? Neo explains that self-absorbed people always make everything a competition. They may brag about an accomplishment right after you shared your own exciting news, or in the case of "one-downing," she adds, "they'll want to compete with you about how they're suffering more" when you're upset about something.


They use manipulation to get their way.

As Birkel notes, things like emotional manipulation and controlling behavior are certainly signs someone is self-absorbed because someone who cares for the people in their life won't be constantly exhibiting those types of behaviors. This is where you want to look out for other signs of narcissism, such as gaslighting and emotional abuse.


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They always respond to your problems with toxic positivity.

There are some self-absorbed people who know what they should say in certain situations, even if they don't really mean it. Keep an eye out for toxic positivity, Neo says, in those moments when someone says something that seems nice but isn't really helpful and is actually dismissing your concerns or problems.


They know how to mask their selfishness.

Similar to toxic positivity, there are other ways a self-absorbed person can "mask" their self-centeredness. According to Neo, a lot of people like this "tend to be able to pick up the right things to say or know to praise you." But once they've said the right things, she adds, they'll weasel in some competition or bring the conversation back to themselves.


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They're always the center of attention.

Simply put, "They want to be the center of attention," Birkel says—and they'll make it so. Neo echoes this, adding that a self-absorbed person knows how to tailor the conversation to them and can always bring it back to them. And when they're not the center of attention, she adds, they may appear visibly bored or uninterested with their body language.


Their openness might be charming at first.

Self-absorbed people can be very charming or interesting at first, Birkel notes. "They can come across as emotionally intelligent initially," he explains, adding that because there's a lot of closed-off people out there, it can be refreshing to hear someone talk openly about themselves. But you want to be mindful of this, he says, and pay attention to whether they show interest in you, too, by asking questions and simply listening.

How it affects the people around them.

There's no doubt that spending time with someone who's self-absorbed, whether a lover or friend, takes a negative toll. "It's exhausting, like someone's stealing your energy," Neo says. "You dread the interaction before, during, and after."

Not only do interactions with a person like this drain your energy, but you don't feel listened to or seen, she adds. And in the case of someone good at masking, because they know what to say, you can question whether they're truly self-absorbed. This, Birkel explains, can lead to someone losing their own sense of self and even doubting their reality.

"If they're making all the decisions, over time you lose a sense of what you want, what you like, and who you are," he adds. These are all hallmarks of a one-sided friendship.

When it gets particularly toxic, you may even start to "tiptoe around the other person's emotions and take responsibility or blame for how the other person is feeling," he says. And that can really chip away at someone's self-esteem and cause someone to internalize that blame, he adds.

Working through conflicts.

The hard truth is there isn't much you can do to help someone be less self-absorbed. You can suggest therapy, but ultimately the work is their own to do. "You don't want the goal to be making someone less self-centered. You want to frame the goal for yourself to get clear on what your boundaries are for yourself," Birkel says.

Boundaries are key, he says, "So when you're with that person, you continue to have a voice and say what you need and want even if they're not happy about it." It might upset them in the moment, but in the long run, it's healthier for both people in the relationship to express themselves.

So that might mean directly telling them how their behavior makes you feel or asking for a different dynamic when you spend time together. Make your communication clear and cogent, Neo notes, taking time to plan your script beforehand if necessary. And to protect yourself, she suggests being prepared to face some pushback from this person—the whole point of self-absorption is that they generally won't have your back, and it'll probably take some convincing to get them to budge. "Expect bad behavior," she says. "Don't go in innocently thinking everything's going to be fine—because you're going to be disappointed."

Once you've set your boundaries firmly, hold to them. And if they don't like that, they're ultimately not someone you want in your life, Birkel says. "It's a good litmus test to set boundaries with people like this because it will help you decide to what extent you want them in your life."

The bottom line.

From generally self-absorbed people to full-blown narcissists, the bottom line is, if someone isn't a positive presence to be around, drains your energy, and shows no care or concern for you, they're not worth keeping around. While it can be hard to cut ties, sometimes it's necessary for the sake of our own well-being. If you think someone in your life is truly self-absorbed, and they don't respond well to your boundaries, do yourself a favor and don't offer them any more of your energy.

Scientists identified 4 personality types based on new data

Northwestern Researchers analyzed the data of more than 1. 5 million respondents and found that there are at least four personality types. Conventionally, they are named: normal, secretive, egocentric and role model, writes with reference to Nature Human Behavior.

These findings challenge existing paradigms in psychology. They are may be of interest to HR managers and service providers in areas of mental health.

“People have been trying to classify personality types since the Hippocrates, but previous scholarly literature has found this stupidity,” said co-author William Rivell, professor of psychology at the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences.

“Now this data shows that there are larger defining personality types,” Revell said. Initially, he was skeptical of the study's hypotheses. concept personality types remains controversial in psychology, and it is difficult to find scientific evidence.

“Personality types existed only in the literature of independent assistance and had no place in scientific journals, said Louis Amaral from the School of Engineering at Northwestern University. - We think, that the situation may change due to the latest study.”

New research has combined alternative computing approach with data from questionnaires completed by 1.5 million respondents from all over the world on websites on the Internet. Questionnaires included from 44 to 300 questions. People answer these online questionnaires voluntarily and then can get feedback about their own personality. The data is then made available to researchers for independent analyses.

“It's really great that a study with such a large data set is impossible before the Internet, said Louis Amaral. - In the past, researchers could recruit students from campuses, but in this way you can collect just several hundred people. Now there are online resources allowing the transfer of data.

The team of researchers relied in their type classifications personality into five main traits: neuroticism, extraversion, openness to experience (intelligence), benevolence and conscientiousness (consciousness).

As a result, four types were identified:

Normal (medium)

These are people with high levels of neuroticism and extraversion and low openness to experience. "I would expect the typical person to be in this cluster,” said Martin Gerlach, postdoctoral fellow at Amaral Laboratories and first author of the paper. Women more often than men fall into the middle type.


These are people who are emotionally stable, with low openness and anxiety. They cannot be classified as extroverts. They are pleasant and conscientious.

role model

People of this type have a low level of neuroticism and a high level of all other traits. The probability that someone is role model, increases sharply with age. "These are the people who are reliable and open to new ideas,” Amaral said. - They are responsible. In fact, life becomes easier if you interact more with role models." Women more often men are of this type.


Self-centered people have high extraversion, and intelligence, benevolence and conscientiousness are below average. “These are people with whom you do not want to communicate,” he described Revell. Egocentric people become sharply less with increasing age, both among men and women.

The group's first attempt to sort data using traditional clustering algorithms gave inaccurate results. “First, 16 personality types were established, and I studied enough literature to say it's funny, said Revell. “I thought there were no types at all.”

Then Amaral and Gerlach specified the data.

“Machine learning and data analysis are promising fields, but in they have something of religion,” said Amaral. - you don't care you need to check your results. We have developed a new method which will help people solve the problem of clustering to check conclusions."

The algorithm first searched for many clusters using traditional clustering methods, but then superimposed additional restrictions. As a result, four groups.

The data has been confirmed. To be sure that new groups types are accurate, the researchers used a deliberately selfish group - boys in adolescence - for verification information.

"We know that teenage boys are selfish," said Amaral. – And if the data is correct, then their percentage should prevail in a group of egocentric people."

Indeed, young men are represented in the group egocentric people very significantly, unlike, for example, from girls and women over 15 years of age.

According to Amaral, the results can be useful not only psychologists, but also managers who hire employees and choose partners.

And good news for parents of teenagers around the world: as as people grow up, their individual types often change. For example, older people tend to be less neurotic, but more conscientious and pleasant than people under 20 years of age.


There are only 4 personality types.

Which one do you belong to?

All people are different and it is impossible to argue with that. Numerous attempts to categorize people have proven unreliable and illusory. Some of these attempts were completely delusional and based on self-reports that cannot be called reliable. However, according to a study published in the journal Nature Human Behavior, scientists were able to determine that there are only four personality types. The team of researchers came to this conclusion after analyzing the character traits of one and a half million people.

We are all different, but at the same time similar

It should be noted that there have been other attempts in the past to group people by personality type. The most famous is the Myers-Briggs system, which identifies 16 archetypes based on the observations of Carl Jung. The system is now largely discredited and its results are inconsistent.

Big Five

In the course of the study, all subjects were surveyed to highlight the traits of the Big Five, a model of a person's personality that reflects people's perception of each other. As a result, the researchers identified four main personality types: “normal”, “closed”, “egocentric” and “role model”. Psychologists consider the Big Five personality types to be more reliable than the Myers-Briggs system. Although the Big Five personality traits also draw on self-reported research, these five personality traits align well with peer assessments.

Four personality types

A new study was conducted at Northwestern University by Martin Gerlach, Beatrice Farb, William Revell, and Luis A. Nunes Amaral. Even though the scientists again relied on the self-reports of the subjects, the researchers believe that the sheer number of respondents allowed their analysis to smooth out any intentional or subconscious deception in the final results.

Pictured are the authors of the study: Martin Gerlach, Beatrice Farb, William Revell and Luis A. Nunes Amaral

The researchers sent questionnaires to subjects who wanted to know more about themselves. In total, there were four types of questionnaire, and the number of questions ranged from 44 to 300. All questions were developed over decades by a large number of scientists, including questions to highlight the features of the Big Five. Once the data was collected, the researchers used standard modeling algorithms to identify significant patterns. The scientists tried different algorithms until they found a model that eventually showed consistent results: all subjects were divided into three smaller groups and one larger cluster, which they called the "middle". When the team tested this approach on two other datasets, they found equally successful results.

According to Big Think, scientists explained new personality types during the official press release.

Communication can be quite unpleasant with some people

Average : This type of personality includes average people with a high level of neuroticism and extraversion, but with a low level of openness to new experiences. Scientists note that women more often than men fall into this category.

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