Saying what you feel
Why You Should Say What You Feel and How to Do It
Last update: 10 July, 2016
“I feel bad because of what my friend said to me, but I didn’t say anything to him because I didn’t want him to get mad”, “I can’t tell my boyfriend that I want to break up because I don’t want to hurt him”…. How many moments have passed in which you have not shared what you feel? You may silence yourself out of fear of the reaction others may have, or fear of showing what you really feel. However, in the end, the only one who ends up feeling bad is you.
If you don’t say what you think or feel, other people cannot guess or know it. This will only make you feel worse. Saying what you feel, stating your opinions, sharing ideas, or being able to say “no” will allow you to feel free and like you are in control of your life. Being assertive is to affirm and support oneself.
“Always say what you feel and do what you think.”
-Gabriel Garcia Marquez-
Reasons to say what you feel
To say what you feel might make you feel a little anxious, but not saying what you think or feel can affect your relationships with other people. Therefore, below we have given you five reasons to say and express what you truly think and feel.
You will feel freed
When you express your opinions or feelings, or let out what bothers or worries you, with respect, love, and care, you will feel a deep sensation of freedom. When you don’t express your emotions, they become a heavy weight that you carry with you day after day. Over time this can damage our relationships with others, although we may not even be aware of it.
You will feel closer to those with whom you confide
When there are no longer barriers between two people because they have shared and expressed everything on their mind, a special kind of closeness is created. A kind of intimacy is formed in which trust is reinforced and the relationships grows and improves. When you know how the other person feels, and how you yourself feel, you are able to feel a significant sensation of peace.
You will be yourself
If you hide what you are thinking, then you are hiding part of who you are. You are building a wall that blocks you from taking in your surroundings, and blocks others from seeing you as you truly are. However, letting all your feelings out, through words, looks, hugs, kisses, or tears, you will feel more alive, and more like yourself. You will no longer hide behind what you do not say. You will be able to enjoy the feelings you have expressed through words or gestures.
If you do not show yourself as you are, others will get the wrong idea of you. They will receive an image that is just that: an image. They will not see you and not be able to appreciate everything you truly are and all of the virtues you possess.
“Life is not easy, not for anyone. But… who cares! One must persevere and, overall, be confident in oneself. One must feel equipped to follow something through, and feel that that thing must be reached no matter the cost.”
You will improve your communication
When you learn how to say “no” and to express your emotions, communication with other people is transformed. You can rise to another level in which everything is transparent; there is nothing to hide. On this plane, you will feel much more comfortable given that you will no longer harbor a fear of expressing what your mind and body want.
You will be able to be consistent
If you don’t express what you are feeling, a great inconsistency emerges between what and who you are, and what you present to others. However, when you learn to speak and verbalize what is worrying you, you will be able to achieve consistency between your internal and external world.
How to say what you feel
In order to say what is on your mind, you must simply learn to be assertive. Your ability to be assertive can be a tool to help you explain to others what your true desires are or what you really need, while demonstrating dignity and confidence in yourself. Here are a few tips to help you be assertive:
Change your negative thoughts to positive ones
Sometimes, you may tend to say negative things to yourself like “I can’t” or “I’m not capable”, or “what will others think if I say what I want? Will they get mad at me?” All of these thoughts have an affect on your emotions and a barrier may be built between you and other people. It is a barrier of unspoken words, of unexpressed emotions.
Try to change all of those negative thoughts into more positive phrases: I will try, and if I can’t, it’s okay because I have learned! I will say what I think and be loyal to myself!
Be aware that other people cannot read your mind
Although this is obvious, sometimes you can feel angry and may have a tendency to say that everything is okay, despite the strong negative emotions you are feeling. Maybe it is anger or rage, and the longer you go without expressing them, the worse and worse it feels. Keep in mind that other people are not able to read your thoughts, nor guess what you are feeling. It is necessary to verbalize it so others can know what is happening.
Remember your objectives
When you decide to say what you are feeling, don’t stray from your objective. Remember why you want to do it. Don’t backtrack; think about how much better you will feel. Furthermore, most of the time, what you fear will not even happen. It is easy to pointlessly worry about something that is only in your imagination.
Be clear about what you are expressing
In order to communicatecorrectly, you should be clear in your expression and what you say. Don’t complicate things by beating around the bush. Start with what is most important, and state it clearly. Use the words that precisely describe what you want. Both you and others will appreciate it.
“I know fear, but passion makes me brave.”
Say What You Feel, Life is Too Short to Do Otherwise- Creative Healthy Family
I saw a meme the other day that said, “Say what you feel. It’s not being rude; it’s called being real.” I agree with that 99% of the time (there are exceptions, of course). Life is WAY too short to bottle things up! Let’s discuss!
Say What You Feel, Life is WAY Too Short to Bottle Things Up
Of all the creatures on this planet, we humans seem unique in our extraordinary ability to shove down every single emotion that we feel and lock it away. You don’t see lions, tigers, and bears (oh my!) bottling up their emotions. When they’re mad, they roar!
Cats hiss when scared. Dogs yelp when hurt. Every other animal on the planet walks around with their hearts on their sleeves for all of the world to see. Then there’s us. We walk around with a metaphorical cork on our “emotional bottle,” just letting it build up pressure until it has no choice but to burst free. Boy, when it does, watch out! I’ve seen even the nicest people become terrifying when they finally let it all out!
Why do we let it get to that, point, though? Why are we so afraid to speak our truths and let our hearts hang out on our sleeves for all to see? Scientists and psych majors have been trying to figure that out for years. The best they can figure, it seems, is that it’s all about shame and conditioning.Life is too short to hide your feelings. Don’t be afraid to say what you feel.
We’re conditioned to keep things inside…
We’re told from a very young age to “shush.” From the day we’re born, even as our moms hold us, they’re quietly saying (with the best intentions) “shhhh, shhh, shhh” as they rock us. Later, we’re told to stop whining. Stop crying over little things. Even to stop shouting with glee over something that makes us happy. Shhhhh. Shhhhh. Shhhh.
Along the way, we’re taught more lessons on keeping our emotions to ourselves. Don’t speak out of turn or talk about others. Don’t monopolize the conversation. Most important of all, don’t show vulnerability or “weakness.” Never, ever, ever let them see you cry.
So, it’s no wonder that by the time we reach our adult years, we’ve become masters at keeping quiet, at hiding our emotions and bottling them up. While there’s logic in all of those lessons (as I said earlier, on rare occasions we do need to keep our thoughts to ourselves), I really think it’s done more harm than good to our psyches.
I also think we need to take the “shame factor” out of our emotions. I saw another quote that said, “Never be ashamed of what you feel. You have the right to feel any emotion you want, and to do what makes you happy.” Let’s talk about that a bit more.
You can’t change your feelings, so stop shaming yourself for them
In a study about the power of shame, Thomas Scheff, professor emeritus of sociology at UC Santa Barbara, said “Our society — our civilization — is civic respectable. You’re not to be angry and you’re not to be ashamed. ”
The thing is, we let shame force us to hide our emotions, especially those that we feel would make us appear “uncivilized.” However, feelings, by their very nature, are things that we can’t exactly control. If you’re mad, you’re mad. If you’re happy, you’re happy. No amount of logic or rationalizing will change that. The only thing you can do is talk yourself out of expressing your anger or happiness. Nine times out of ten, that involves shaming yourself into hiding them.
You’ll tell yourself, “I am overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing” when you’re mad. Or perhaps, “I shouldn’t be happy about my success when so many people are struggling” when you’re filled with glee. Either way, it’s all about making yourself feel bad for feeling the way you feel, and that never ends well.“Don’t be afraid to show your feelings. Wear your heart on your sleeves. The right one will see.”
Bottling things up is bad for your health
Did you know that a 2016 study found that couples who bottle up their emotions actually have more heart problems and back problems than those who don’t? Another one found that people who bottle things up and hide from their true feelings suffer from anxiety more than those who let them out.
Oh, and if you try not to say what you feel in front of your kids to protect them or shield them, you may want to read this study. Researchers found that it’s actually better for your kids to see you dealing with your negative feelings in a healthy way than to watch you try to tamp them down. Besides, yet another study found that kids can almost always tell when you’re suppressing things anyway. Teach them that showing emotions is a sign of strength, not weakness.Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional. Let this be a sign that you’ve got a big heart and aren’t afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength.
When SHOULDN’T you say what you feel?
Look, I’m not giving you a free pass to be unkind here. Obviously, there are times when staying silent is the better choice. Sometimes, you literally just have to say what you feel, then recuse yourself from the conversation. For example, “I’m feeling very mad right now. I don’t want to say something that I don’t really mean. Give me some space and we’ll talk about it when I feel calmer.”
It’s also important to know when to say what you feel. For example, don’t tell Auntie Mary that you’ve never really liked her husband when you’re in the middle of his funeral, or tell your best friend that you just got promoted two seconds after she tells you that she lost her job. You can say what you feel and still be a decent human being.
As Scheff said, “Emotions are like breathing — they cause trouble only when obstructed.” So stop obstructing them. Stop bottling things up or hiding your true feelings. Say what you feel! Wear your heart on your sleeve, show your sensitive side. Most important of all, stop shaming yourself for feeling how you feel.
“What you feel right now is important” – News – HSE for Your Own – National Research University Higher School of Economics
On October 10, HSE will host Mental Health Day. One of the points of the program is a public conversation “Am I normal? – A conversation about when to ask for help”, which will be held by the director of the Center for Psychological Counseling Irina Makarova and psychiatrist, psychotherapist of the Center for the Study of Eating Disorders Vladislav Chupeev.
We talked with Irina Makarova about how to ask for help, why it is necessary to talk about mental health in public and how to learn to listen to yourself.
– Why is mental health a topic that is only being talked about openly now s?
– Perhaps because people and society as a whole have matured to some extent to these questions. This adulthood allowed me to gain the courage and openness to say, for example: "I have problems related to my emotions or my psyche."
There are many factors involved in this. The readiness of public opinion, openness, the emergence of an information space in which people have become ready, on the one hand, to speak, and on the other hand, to listen that someone has problems of this kind.
It also seems to me that people have begun to talk about this more openly also because they more and more often allow themselves to feel unwell on the psychic plane. They become more attentive, sensitive. From this, there is a feeling that there seems to be more mental trouble around us, but, of course, this is not so.
This leads to the fact that the topic of mental health becomes a top one, discussed both in the media and in social networks. It resonates with many just because it fits with their own experiences, with their own feelings.
– Why was this openness possible?
– The world is changing and changing towards individualization, people are ready to express their point of view on any issues with greater courage, it is important for them not only to realize and formulate it, but also to find those who share it.
On the one hand, there is a process of democratization of critical conditions, and on the other hand, this process has complex consequences. It is very difficult to exist in the eternal search: “Is this me? And this is me? Is this society putting pressure on me or do I feel that way myself? And if I myself feel that way, then . ..?
If everything is in order now and I have the strength to support someone, it can save a life.
– Why is it important to speak openly about mental health?
– Because it concerns every person. We are looking for ourselves, we want to be a person, to live our own life.
This process is so individual that perhaps at some point we begin to feel that we are losing the sense of community, the sense of social support. Most mental health problems can lead to life-threatening conditions (isolation, loneliness, difficulty finding a person who will listen, support, help cope with despair), so it's worth talking about.
We talk about mental health not only so that people pay attention to themselves, but also so that they pay attention to someone nearby and ask: “Are you all right? Would you like to talk about it?"
So talking about mental health can be useful from different points of view.
Of course, we understand that we need psychologists, an emergency service, a hotline, but this is all just part of the system. The most important thing is the university environment, where we care about who sits next to us in the classroom, we care about who drinks tea next to us in the cafeteria.
If we see someone sitting and crying, why not come up and ask, "What's the matter with you?" Try it. Maybe this will help someone cope, help to see that he is not alone.
– How do I know if I need help?
- I think it's easy to understand. More often than not, people who feel like something is happening to them that they can't handle knows they need to ask for help. It is much more difficult to take this step.
For example, students come to me and say: “I think I have depression, and I have had it for six years.” That is, already six years ago, a person realized that life did not satisfy him, but rather even oppresses him, but he needed to gain inner courage and ask for help. Again, it is important that the person has the opportunity to ask for help.
We have a mental health day just to show that we are all susceptible to such conditions. If you think that psychologists do not have such problems, you are mistaken. We have an advantage: it is not difficult for us to ask for help. I myself have been in psychotherapy for a very long time, and if I feel that I have a “hedgehog in the fog” feeling, I know how important it is for me to contact a specialist.
I would like to create such a public opinion that it is normal to turn to a psychologist.
This is not a sign of weakness or proof of insanity. This is an absolutely natural act that a person performs with care for himself and his condition.
Now, unfortunately, I see that there is an unambiguous and rather flat vector that everyone in society should be successful. We all need to earn a lot of money, to be excellent students, not to be losers. In this context, the emotional lapses we experience are not normal.
Life is like a zebra — today everything is fine with us, but tomorrow comes the gray streak of life. This is not bad, because if it does not exist, then we will not feel the joy of life. It is necessary that the attitude of a person to such processes, the relationship of society and the structure - the university - should change.
- Let's say I understand that help is needed. But how can you ask for help if you don't know how to ask?
- In psychological counseling, there is an idea that we can help a person only if he turns to us and asks for advice or, for example, some kind of counter movement - to understand, to listen. If a person is afraid to take a step, open up and reach out, it is difficult for me to help him.
On the other hand, when several years ago psychological offices began to appear actively in different cities, people were very wary of them. Now the situation is changing and people are no longer so afraid to seek help.
– How to learn to listen to yourself and your states?
- It seems to me that people hear themselves, but due to different attitudes from the social environment, from childhood, from communication with parents, it becomes more difficult to hear themselves. For example, parents are willing to listen to their child's stories about his successes, but they can be upset - so much that the child is even scared - of his failures, for example, received a deuce. Therefore, even at preschool age, the child has such a conviction: “Yeah, my emotions upset my parents, something is wrong with them, so I don’t need my experience.”
I'm not even talking about the fact that all parents have their own set of bad advice about how a child should manage their emotional life. “Boys don’t cry”, “Forget it, it’s all some kind of nonsense, people suffered there in the war, but what are you?” We have all heard this or are still hearing it.
Naturally, when the question of the perception of one's emotions arises, the question of some kind of re-education also arises.
We need to grow another mother in ourselves who will say: “Of course, what you feel now is important.”
Why is a psychologist good? He is independent. All the people around us are not neutral. After all, we build our environment in such a way that we are emotionally biased towards them and they are towards us. And with a psychologist, you can be honest about those feelings that cause a lot of trepidation in ourselves - for example, it is always difficult to face your envy.
I would advise everyone to find this neutral person.
– Is Mental Health Day on October 10 a one-time event or will it be organized regularly?
- The center has been operating for 15 years, and all 15 years I have been trying to change something.
I want the topic to become a social, public phenomenon, so that people are not embarrassed that they have a psyche, soul, emotions - this is what distinguishes a person from everyone else.
Therefore, I would like to have the opportunity to create platforms for talking during the year. Now, for example, we are opening a hotline for HSE students so that they can receive psychological help around the clock via chat or by phone.
There are plans to open on Pokrovka, a psychological office is about to open in Odintsovo. We want to work towards creating a kind, sincere community, because this is the only way to prevent severe emotional breakdowns.
I hope that next year, if we see a response, continue to do the same, and maybe a little different format.
Who should come?
- Everyone. And for those who are just starting to explore and understand something about their psyche and their states, and for those who would like to help, who see people in their environment who are having a hard time. To someone who may not yet think about how he is mentally arranged, but who, nevertheless, has a feeling that everything in his life can be better.
Author: Maria Eremina
Photo: Diana Artamonova
October 9, 2019
“HIG” in Telegram90,000 100+ ways to say "I love you I love you I love you "in a different way :: Infoniac
07 Sep, 2021 11:21 94960 Selections
"I love you" is a universal phrase that we use to express our feelings to a loved one.
We say it when we see a partner, we wish “Good night!” or we want to thank a person for being in our life.
But love is expressed in different ways and actions . We have compiled for you a list of romantic and pleasant phrases that you can say or write instead of three cherished words.
Read also: 100+ short declarations of love to a man
Use them to convey the full range of your feelings and add novelty to relationships.
How to say "I love you" in other words
1. You are the whole world for me.
2. I'm worried about you.
3. You are one of the most beautiful people in the world.
4. I am so lucky to have you by my side.
5. I feel elated every time I see you.
6. With you, I feel like a single entity.
7. You make my days happy.
8. I like spending time with you.
9. Thank you for being my better half.
10. The more I stay with you, the more I want to be with you.
11. I feel best when you are around.
12. Nobody makes me feel as special as you.
13. When you are with me, I feel like myself.
14. My life has become happier and better since you appeared / appeared in it.
15. You are a special person in my life.
16. I can't imagine my life without you.
17. I admire your personality.
18. Your love makes me dependent / dependent.
19. You add sweetness to my life.
20. You mesmerize me with your words.
21. Your voice is so pleasant.
22. You are the sunshine in my life.
23. I am here for you, in sorrow and in joy.
24. You motivate me and help me move on.
25. You are a light breeze that inspires my soul.
26. You are a dream that I wanted / wanted to fulfill all my life.
27. Thank you for making me smile when I feel bad.
28. You enchant me.
29. You are my talisman.
30. With you, I forget about all the pain and sadness.
31. You are my favorite person.
32. I want to be with you until my last breath.
33. I want to snuggle up to you every morning.
34. You are the thought that makes me smile even on dark nights.
35. I get turned on every time I see you.
36. We are made for each other.
37. Every cell of my body yearns when you are not around.
38. You are my sun that warms me day and night.
39. I love your infinity.
40. I want to spend my whole life with you.
41. There is some kind of magic between us that no one can deny.
42. I am happy that I am yours / yours.
43. My heart screams out your name every time you are not around.
How to say "I love you" without saying "I love you"
44. Our puzzles fit together so well.
45. You are the best thing that happened in my life.
46. You are destined to be with me, and I am destined to be with you.
47. I'm willing to do anything to make you happy.
48. I thank the Universe for bringing us together.
49. You give me strength and stability.
50. You fill my void.
51. I like being in your company.
52. You immediately became / became my soul mate.
53. I love you endlessly.
54. I can proudly say that you are my person.
55. I fall in love with you every day.
56. I love you baby.
57. I feel so good with you.
58. I treasure you.
59. You are the main person in my life.
60. I don't mind looking at you all day.
61. Your every touch warms and excites me.
62. I am ready / ready to go with you anywhere.
63. You drive me crazy.
64. You are beautiful / You are beautiful.
65. I don't know what I did / did to deserve you.
66. You make me better.
67. Thank you for teaching me the language of love.
68. Today I respect you more than I loved yesterday.
69. Thoughts of you fill my heart with love.
70. Thanks to you, I understood what romantic love means.
71. You make me the best version of myself.
72. I felt / felt as if I was looking into my reflection at the moment when I met / met you.
73. Your voice is like a song that I want to dance to.
74. My love for you is increasing every day.
How beautiful to say "I love you"
75. No one can destroy our connection.
76. You and I make home a paradise.
77. I like everything you do.
78. You give new meaning to my life.
79. You light up my life.
80. I would like/would like to explore the world with you by the hand.
81. I would never lose you.
82. You look amazing when you smile.
83. You are my angel.
84. You are my prince / You are my princess.
85. You draw me to you.
86. I adore you.
87. I have a special place in my heart for you.
88. I'm crazy about you.
89. I would go to any lengths to keep you in my life.
90. You attract me both physically and mentally.
91. There is incredible chemistry between us.
92. I want to build a life with you.
93. I appreciate you as a person.
94. I want to enjoy every moment of my day with you.
95. I can’t help but say that I’m head over heels in love / in love with you.
96. You are the missing piece in my life.
97. You are my inspiration.
98. I am blind/blinded by you.
99. You mean so much to me.
100. I really like you.
101. I fell in love with you instantly and seriously.
102. You and I together can conquer the whole world.
103. You give me the confidence to do anything.
104. I want to hold you in my arms.
105. I like being in your arms.
106. I want to be with you all day and all night.
107. I want to grow old with you.
108. I will support you any time you need me.
109. I want to see you every time I open my eyes.
110. I dedicate my life to you.
111. Everything you do for me is just perfect.
112. You are an amazing person.
113. I appreciate you so much.
114. I want intimacy with you.
115. I will never give up on you.
116. You amazed me / amazed me.
117. We can go through any test that gets in our way.
118. You amaze me with your generosity and modesty.
119. In good times and in difficult times, I will be with you.
120. My love for you has no boundaries.
121. I am happy / happy to be a part of your life.
122. You have a beautiful heart.
123. You fix everything for me that I can't.