Say no to couple
Why Saying No in Your Relationship Is a Good Thing
Many of us hate hearing the word “No.” And many of us don’t like saying it either. You might be especially uncomfortable with saying no to your partner. Often people think that going along with their partner’s requests will be good for their relationship.
Less disagreement equals less conflict, they assume. Some people don’t even get that far. They just have a hard time voicing their opinions or needs altogether.
But saying yes all the time when you don’t really mean it can actually backfire and damage your relationship. For instance, it can build resentment, according to Andrew Wald, LCSW-C, a psychotherapist who works with couples and co-author of Togetherness: Creating and Deepening Sustainable Love. You also may become enmeshed as a couple and less of your own person, he said.
By saying no, you’re creating a boundary. And boundaries are essential for any healthy relationship. Unfortunately, boundaries tend to get a bad rap, Wald said, because they’re viewed as keeping partners away from each other.
But it’s just the opposite. Boundaries help you better understand your partner, know their needs and respond to them – thereby bringing you that much closer.
The reality is that everyone’s needs are different. Wald shared an example from his own 39-year marriage. When they were just newlyweds, Wald’s wife fell off her bike coming around a corner. He jumped off his bike and raced over to her. But before he could help, she put her hand up and told him to stay away. Wald was taken aback and felt rejected.
When they talked about it later that night, his wife explained that she was used to and preferred comforting herself. What Wald thought was a kind gesture felt like an intrusion to his wife. Wald’s wife also prefers being left alone when she’s sick, while he prefers attention and affection. Both of them do their best to honor each other’s different needs.
Remember that you deserve to have your own — and different — opinion and to voice it, Wald said. Articulating a different point of view doesn’t mean you’re asserting that you’re better than your partner; it means you’re not less, he said.
Also, keep in mind that setting a boundary isn’t the same as saying no to your relationship. Rather you’re saying no to a specific idea or event, he said. Speak up when something negatively affects your well-being or sense of self, he said.
Take the example of a husband who wanted to have sex every night. His wife felt horrible about herself, and finally talked about it with her husband. If she hadn’t, she’d continue to feel bad, which would chip away at her self-esteem, Wald said.
It also could be as simple as needing some alone time when you get home from work. Rather than your partner thinking that you’re avoiding them, let them know that you just need 20 minutes to unwind, Wald said.
Saying no is a way of nurturing and empowering yourself, he said. And it encourages your partner to do the same, he said. This also creates good will, he added. Neither partner feels taken advantage of. Also, both partners can focus on practicing good self-care.
It’s important to talk about your boundaries with “love, care and empathy,” Wald said. And only have discussions when you’re both calm. If your conversation is escalating, he suggested taking a time-out and considering how you can improve your talk.
Saying no might seem like taking a negative stance. But it’s actually a good thing for you, your partner and your relationship.
These are additional articles on creating boundaries and not being a people-pleaser (at least not so much):
- 10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries
- 21 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser
- Just Say No: 10 Steps to Better Boundaries
- The Importance of Personal Boundaries
- 10 Tips for Setting Boundaries Online
- 5 Tips to Increase Your Assertiveness
- Standing Up For Yourself: From a Recovering People-Pleaser
17 Ways to Feel Comfortable and Confident
Saying no to the people you love is tricky and can confer a different meaning to the person at the receiving end.
Even though you are on the same wavelength with your partner, saying ‘no’ to their sexual advances can create unnecessary stress and awkwardness between the two of you.
So, how can you deal with such a tricky situation?
Seeking sex advice from an expert can help. But, it is better if you learn how to deal with such a complicated situation all by yourself.Why don’t I want to have sex?
Dry spells are a part of the relationship, but when the situation of a no-sex relationship is prolonged, it can hurt the foundation of your relationship.
Sex and intimacy are important aspects of every marriage or relationship. So, depriving your partner of it can be troublesome. Instead, you must look into the root cause of the problem. Let’s figure out the reasons for disinterest in sex:
- Body image issues could lead to you being hesitant with your partner. In this case, you will have difficulty opening up to your partner.
- Relationship rut can also be a cause of not wanting to have sex.
- Pregnancy can lead to a long pause in the sex life.
- Stress and depression of one partner can disbalance the relationship.
- Birth control pills can affect the hormones and lead to a loss in the sex drive.
Saying no to sex when you are not ready is a good idea because, ultimately, it will be burdening for you to not express your disinterest in the long run. Besides, if you feel that your partner has been cheating on you, you should look for ways of how to say no to sex and solve the relationship issues first.
Not just this, if you have lost interest in the person and feel that you will regret it in the long run, it is one solid reason for saying No to sex.17 ways to say no to sex without hurting your partner
Healthy sex is the best thing in a successful relationship. However, there come moments when your partner wants to do it, but you don’t. Denying or saying no upfront can lead to arguments which eventually can escalate things to the worst.
Believe it or not, sex is as important in a relationship as much as an emotional connection. Sex keeps the spark alive. It keeps you both connected and, over the period, strengthens the relationship. Any absence of it for a longer period can hamper the relationship.
However, it’s enjoyed well when both want to do it.
Related Reading: Top 5 Most Common Reasons Why Couples Stop Having Sex
Here are 17 easy ways of how to say no to sex without hurting your partner:1. Communicate the message to your partner earlier than saying no abruptly
Feeling low or tired?
One of the tips of saying no to sex in a relationship is to communicate the message to your partner earlier than saying no in the heat of the moment. This can spare both of you from a distressing situation later.2. Attach a valid reason to your lack of inclination
Just saying ‘no’ to the sexual advances of your partner without attaching any valid reason to the rejection may not go down well with them.
If you clearly explain why you are not in the mood to have sex, it can subdue their anger. There is nothing wrong in saying ‘no’ to them but when you do, make sure that you give a proper explanation.
You owe your partner that. If you share a healthy relationship with your companion, then it is not a difficult task to say ‘no’ to suggestions at times.
If matters go out of your hand, you can always turn to some expert for sex advice, who will look at the situation objectively and problem-solve the sex and intimacy issues in your marriage.3. Sexual activity off the table? Make a plan to retain the passion
If your lover is in the mood to turn the heat on between the two of you, it is better not to douse the fire completely.
Even though you are not okay with the idea of having sex, you can always find an alternate way to connect with them. In a relationship, sex offers a lot more than just mere physical gratification. It is a method to love and to be loved.
If sexual activity is off the table, then cuddling, hand-holding, a friendly conversation over a romantic dinner, or watching a film together can do the job for you.
The pleasure that is obtained from a sexual encounter lasts for a couple of minutes. But, enjoying the feeling of togetherness through simple activities can provide a greater containment.4. The rain check is the word, suggest an alternate date
Sexual rejection feels a lot manageable for your partner if they are given a safety net.
Consider that you have been planning a weekend out with your friends for quite some time. If your friends cancel the outing at the last moment, you are likely to feel extremely disappointed.
You might end up having unsettled feelings post rejection. On the other hand, if your friends reject the proposal by giving a proper reason and suggest some alternate dates for the outing, then you are spared from such unpleasant thoughts.
The same situation occurs when you bluntly turn down your partner’s sexual advances without mentioning any reason or offering any suggestion. It is better if your reason is followed by an alternate date when both of you can mutually enjoy a blissful session of sex.5. Be gentle, no need to tag your partner as a sex maniac
When you are declining your partner’s sex proposal, try to keep your tone and approach mild and gentle.
Avoid an aggressive tone even though you are feeling stressed or irritated. Whatever your mood is, do not reflect that in your words.
Do not spurn your companion with rude words or accuse them of being a sex maniac.
Also, your partner might try to coax you lovingly to give in to their needs. It is up to you how you handle the situation. You have to communicate the message clearly without offending or hurting them badly.
Be gentle and loving while staying true to your decision.6. Avoid outright rejections
According to Daring Greatly, men are most vulnerable at the time of ‘initiating sex’ with their partners than women.
They find it hard to accept rejections from their partners especially when it comes to sex. Men tend to take such denials personally. But, some women are also known to take rejections to heart. Unlike men, fairer sex is highly likely to get emotionally attached to her sex partner.
Hence, such denials can prove damaging to an otherwise healthy relationship. However, you can avoid such unpleasant moments in your love life.
Related Reading: 20 Benefits of Healthy Relationships7. Something that you do not like, speak up
Maybe the way you guys are doing it is not exciting you enough. Instead of ignoring your feelings and doing it just for the sake of it, speak up for yourself. If you wish to ignore sex, your partner has every right to know how you feel when you both are physically involved.
There are times when people just don’t speak up and fake it. Trust us, people know when the other person is faking it. It hurts them more, and this could sour the relationship between both of you.
So, speak up and tell them what you like and what you don’t like. They would feel better.8. Consider foreplay
Indeed! Sex is not always about penetration. It’s a way to show that you both love each other. There are days when you just don’t like having sex, and it’s totally normal. Consider opting for just foreplay.
Talk this out with your partner and explain your situation. We are sure they would understand your situation and won’t hesitate to just foreplay. There is nothing to worry about in such situations. It happens once in a while when there is no desire to have sex, but foreplay can do wonders on those days.
Related Reading: 30 Foreplay Ideas That Will Surely Spice up Your Sex Life
Check out this video to understand foreplay techniques to turn your partner on:9. Seek the help of an expert
There can be moments when your partner wants to do it, but you don’t, and it’s totally understandable. However, if you feel that this is continuing for a longer period, then it’s time for you to consult an expert.
Our body has its own way of telling us that something isn’t right inside.
So, when you think that the sex is drying off from your relationship, you should seek the help of an expert.
Maybe there is a mental pressure that you’re not aware of or something physical that is keeping you away from sex. Identifying it at the right time and consulting an expert can help you a lot.10. Keep the communication constant in your relationship
One way of declining sex is by saying no; another way is talking about it with your partner. Life is full of stress. We all have multiple responsibilities, and at times, the pressure to juggle between all of these puts pressure on our mental and physical health.
So, whenever you feel like something is bothering you or is coming in between your sex life, speak with your partner.
Speaking out or sharing things with your partner will ease you. So, instead of feeling pressured to have it, just speak your mind. We are sure you will feel better.11. Politely decline the offer
We know this can be difficult to just say no to sex as you don’t want to offend your partner’s request, but sometimes honesty is needed. After all, it is one of the foundations of a relationship. So, instead of running around the bushes, just tell your partner that you’re not interested in it right now.
While you’re saying this, also express the reason for it.
They’ve every right to know why you’re saying no or if something is bothering you. Talking things out is the best solution to keep the relationship strong and going on for ages.12. Be aware that no one can do anything without your consent
Just because your partner wants to have sex with you doesn’t mean they can. They would need your consent for this. If at any point you think you don’t want to do it, you have every right to decline it.
If you think your partner is not being polite enough and refuses to understand your request, remind them about the consent.
Law is pretty strict when it comes to safeguarding individuals from such situations. Any sex without consent will be considered criminal in the eyes of the law. So, you must know your rights and should know when and how to use them to protect yourself.13. Work towards building a better understanding together
One of the ways of how to say no to sex without hurting him is to divert your partner’s mind from it and work on making the relationship wholesome instead of pressing on the topic of sex.
If your partner clearly understands your expectations, inhibitions, limitations, and mood swings, then it will become easier for them to handle any rejection from your end. Your partner will easily decipher the message conveyed through your body language.
This is possible only when you are on the same wavelength as your partner.
Related Reading: How to Improve Understanding in a Relationship14. Think beyond sex and spice up your relationship
A relationship is not just about indulging in sexual encounters.
One way of how to say no to sex is to ask your partner to build the spice in the relationship along with you.
There are other ways to spice up your love life. You have to understand that sex is not something that you can force on your partner. But, sexual rejection can always be a difficult pill to swallow.
Rejections can hurt your partner’s ego, especially if the non-acceptance is for their sexual advances.
Seeking sexual advice from an expert does work but as partners, you need to put in genuine efforts in breaking the barrier between the two of you.
Related Reading: How Do You Spice up a Boring Relationship15. Use body language
How to avoid sex in a relationship? If you are hesitant to say it upfront, one way of how not to have sex is to use body language to signal that you are not feeling in tune with him at the moment and wish to stay away from sex.
For example, you can tell them you are sleepy in advance so that they don’t make a move and, ultimately, feel hurt when you say No.16. Postpone it
When your partner approaches you, and you wonder how to say no to sex without hurting them, you can postpone the sex and assure them that you will have sex at a later date or time.
Once you give them the assurance and they know it’s not off the table, they will not feel disconnected.17. Learn to appreciate
Appreciate your partner for understanding you and taking care of your needs. Once you begin to acknowledge their efforts, they will feel involved in the relationship and be patient and supportive around you.
Related Reading: Appreciating And Valuing Your SpouseTakeaway
Sex plays an important in a relationship, but it’s not everything. There are instances when your partner wants to do it but you don’t and are not sure what to do?
Hopefully, these tips will equip you with useful insight into declining the sexual advances when you are not feeling up to it while ensuring the rejection doesn’t drive a wedge between your marital happiness.
Remember, it’s always consensual. No one can ever force you for sex at any given point in time.
Say NO! counterfeit and falsification
“Second freshness - that's nonsense! There is only one freshness - the first, it is also the last.
And if the sturgeon is of the second freshness, then this means that it is rotten!”
The Master and Margarita, M.A. Bulgakov
Today, it is almost impossible to imagine a project in the field of IT that would not use twisted pair cables of categories 5 and 5e. Whether the network is 100Mbps or 1Gbps, copper cable is what it should consist of. its road network.
In Russia, as you know, the roads are not all right. We all suffer from their quality and the lack of speed of construction multiplied by the incredible cost. Comparing cable to roads is not so random, since the situation is very similar.
High-quality copper cable is expensive because it depends on the main raw material - copper, which is at historical highs today and continues to grow. In projects where mandatory compliance with standards is not required Structural Cabling System (SCS) , which includes provider networks or home networks, today there are many methods used to combat rising prices.
- Use of thin copper cable
- Using fewer pairs
- Use of copper cable instead of copper cable
Twisted-pair manufacturing technology allows manufacturing cables with a core thickness of up to 0.43mm without loss of physical characteristics (stretching), but this leads to a decrease in the margin of electrical characteristics. Reliable manufacturers use a core thickness of 0.47 ± 0.005 mm, which, in combination with high-quality equipment, allows you to achieve excellent cable characteristics * that even meet SCS standards.
* Cable passes both Channel Test and Permanent Link Test at 90 meters
For 100Mbps networks, only 2 pairs of the 4 provided by the SCS standard are used. This allows you to use a 2-pair cable* instead of a 4-pair cable without loss of quality.
* When transferring the network to 1 Gbit, it will be necessary to replace the cable with a 4-pair
CCA (Copper Clad Aluminum) cable technology has advanced a lot in recent years. Experienced manufacturers can offer a high-quality cable with a copper content of more than 30%, it is practically not inferior to copper in characteristics. The cable passes the Channel Test at 90m, but it should be noted that so far only a few manufacturers can achieve such results, since this requires very high-quality equipment for the manufacture of twisted pair. The use of CCA* will significantly reduce the cost of connecting users without losing the quality of services.
* CCA not applicable where PoE (Power over Ethernet) technology is used, as the resistance of aluminum is much higher than copper
First of all, we recommend considering the use of a 4-pair pure copper cable - EC-UU004-5E-PVC-GY . This is a high quality cable with a core thickness of 0.47±0.005mm and conforming to category 5e specifications. The EC-UU004-5E-PVC-GY cable can be safely used as an alternative to expensive copper cable with a core diameter of 0.51mm used to build SCS.
If, for economic reasons, it is not possible to use such a cable in your project, and you do not think to use 1 Gbit, then you should consider using a 2-pair pure copper cable EC-UU002-5-PVC-GY 305m and EC-UU002-5-PVC-GY-5 500m per reel. Both models are excellent category 5 cable. Category 5e does not include a 2-pair cable, however the cable is electrically rated 5e.
You still need 4 pairs, but can't economically afford a pure copper cable?
Consider using high quality 4-pair CCA* cable CCA-UU004-5E-PVC-GY . We have ensured that our cable passes the Channel Test at 90 meters, which allows it to be used even for Gbit networks.
* We recommend to use CCA cable only for user connection, at network distribution level it is recommended to use only copper cable
High quality cable that passes Channel Test at 90 meters. Connecting users with such a cable may be a reasonable decision, since the difference in price with a 2-pair copper cable is about 40%.
Are you offered a cheaper cable with the same characteristics?
Miracles do occur, but in our world they are extremely rare!
NETLAN has been supplying cable for many years in very large quantities, so our prices are always competitive, lower bidding should be suspicious. However, quite often you can hear that other suppliers offer a cable cheaper, assuring that its characteristics are fully consistent with those declared by us. They show cable tests done that claim their cable is the best and at the lowest price. Probably you are offered to pay for what we have is even cheaper.
Just check for yourself before you buy and get into trouble. It's not that hard to do even without special equipment.
- Strip the cable and look at it through a magnifying glass. Do you see a smooth and neat yellow metal without a suspicious white or gray color in the core? Then you are lucky, and copper is in front of you. Otherwise, you could have been offered CCA or CCS (Copper Clad Steel) cable. Even more interesting if you were given CCC (Copper Clad Copper) cable. You will hardly distinguish it from pure copper, but without a Fluke test you will never know that it is practically unsuitable for network installation.
- Ask to unwind the cable completely from the reel and check the length of the cable not by marks, but by reality. A lot of manufacturers sin with such a trifle as winding not 305m, but for example 295. And this is already about 75r on a cable reel. We have seen options up to 280m on a coil. You know, it's like selling 1 kg of buckwheat at the same price, and then making a pack of 900g and leave the price tag. But in buckwheat, at least they wrote it on the bag, but here they were prudently forgotten.
- Weigh cable without box. The main weight of the cable is copper. Compare with the weight of our cable for example. Does the competitor weigh significantly less? There is no doubt that a thinner strand was used or the copper composition contains something else. Unfortunately, the test is not perfect, as the weight of the shell can affect. Often the use of a low-quality sheath (it usually does not look like a normal SCS cable) makes the cable heavier.
- Do you have a micrometer? Then you can measure the thickness of the core fully. Just strip the cable very carefully and do not use heat. See the difference?
To be honest, as experts in network equipment, we are more interested not in the mechanical characteristics and not even what the cable is made of, but whether it can perform its function - namely, to reliably transmit a signal. Of course, apart from the option with cable footage, this is a direct deception of the buyer.
We are always very surprised by customers who show a CCC cable with a diameter of 0.51mm and say that it meets all standards in terms of mechanical characteristics. Only measurement shows that the cable barely works on a segment of 30m, which is worse than even the worst CCA cable. But CCC is difficult to distinguish from pure copper. So why buy it? Wouldn't it be better to take an honest CCA, which will be cheaper and at the same time better in terms of performance? You "checkers" or go? Here you can not do without equipment. We take a Fluke tester and do Permament Link and Channel Test on segment 90m.
Well, all miracles are in full view!
Buy knowing what you are buying. Do not overpay for a low-quality product that is served as a good one.
Need professional cable advice?
Call us: +7 499 705-83-57
8 signs that your relationship is no longer worth saving
January 22, 2021Relationships
Not all couples are destined to be together. The main thing is to understand it in time.
Even the strongest couples sometimes go through difficult times and think about parting. Everyone determines the boiling point for himself. But here are a few wake-up calls that indicate that the relationship may not be salvageable.
1. You will be gaslighted
Gaslighting is a word for which there is no equivalent in Russian, and therefore the original term has to be used. This is a form of psychological violence, when one person tries to convince another that he is inadequate, overly sensitive, sees the world distorted.
Typical phrases in the gaslighter's arsenal: “You're exaggerating”, “You just imagined it! You got it all wrong (a)!”, “No need to be so nervous! Don’t say a word to you!”, “No, I would never say such a thing, why are you inventing it?”. Sometimes all this is said on purpose to destabilize the victim, deprive him of confidence in his own adequacy and make him more submissive. This is what narcissists, psychopaths, and just plain manipulators usually do.
In other cases, a person subconsciously gaslights his partner, without noticing it, because he does not want to admit that he was wrong.
Be that as it may, the result of these manipulations can be very sad.
Victims of gaslighting sometimes experience a set of symptoms similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder. And in the worst cases, it can end in suicide.
Relationships in which one person regularly resorts to such manipulations are rarely healthy. And they probably won't be saved.
Find out 👇
- How sexism differs from gaslighting: phenomena that it is time to get rid of
2. Only you are interested in a relationship
It happens that a couple has problems and misunderstandings, but only one person tries to resolve it. He reads articles and books about relationships, constantly tries to discuss the situation, makes concessions, offers to go to a family therapist. And the second equivalent participant in the conflict does nothing. And in general, with his whole appearance he demonstrates that, in general, he doesn’t care - let everything be as it will be.
Imagine that you and your business partner have opened a common business, but in the end, only you work and invest money, and he does nothing. Most likely, you will not tolerate it for a long time.
Relationships are also a common thing that requires the interest of both parties.
And if this is not so, then the couple simply has no future.
3. You feel disgusted
You cannot kiss this person without a shudder, you do not want him to hug you. You are endlessly annoyed by everything your spouse does and says. Even just being around is disgusting. Some psychologists consider contempt the main sign that the relationship has come to an end and there is nothing to fight for. Because where such feelings have appeared, there will be no place for love, understanding and even sympathy.
4. You cannot rely on your partner
Such a person can be well described in one word: unreliable. He lies, disappears at those moments when you need him most, spends money behind your back, constantly gets involved in some unpleasant stories. And you know for sure that in difficult periods you cannot rely on this person: it will be a great success if he at least does not throw you even more problems.
Trying to maintain such a relationship will eventually lead you to a dead end.
There is already too much instability in the world, and this is one of the reasons why modern people constantly live in stress. In relationships, we seek peace, comfort and confidence in the future. And don't waste your time and energy on someone who can't give it all.
- How to forgive a loved one and start trusting him again
5. You cheated on each other more than once
Or someone else cheated. The main thing here is this: a single betrayal - sexual or emotional - can still be considered a mistake in some cases. Although here, of course, everyone must decide for himself. But if betrayals happen regularly - and at the same time the relationship was not conceived as free, then the couple has problems.
It turns out that formally these people are together, but they sleep, make friends and share their emotions with someone else. This means that there is nothing left of the relationship here and, unfortunately, there is nothing left to save.
6. Relationships cause other areas of your life to suffer
For example, your partner forces you to quit your favorite job, prevents you from pursuing hobbies and developing. Because of it, you quarrel with friends or parents, get nervous, sleep poorly, lose your health. These are all signs of emotional abuse.
But it also happens that people do not want to harm each other, but their relationship still runs counter to development or interferes with spiritual well-being. For example, one was offered a job abroad, while another would have to give up a successful career in order to go there. Or one in a cold climate is constantly sick and wants to move somewhere south, while the other physically cannot stand the heat.
If at the same time people love each other and their relationship is strong, you can try to find a way out.
But when the union is already on the verge of collapse, such disagreements are likely to be the last straw.
- Is it possible to keep a relationship at a distance and how to do it
7. You are being shunned
You notice that your spouse no longer wants to spend time with you. The person has become cold and secretive, shares almost nothing with you, avoids conversations. Everything shows that he is building some kind of his own, isolated life and does not want to let you into it. And it's not necessarily that he has someone else.
It's just that the feelings are over and he wants to go on alone, even if he doesn't realize it yet. And if a person has built a wall between you, it is unlikely to break through it.
8. It's hard for you to open up
You can't talk heart to heart with your spouse. Do not want to discuss problems in your relationship. You feel tight, uncomfortable and repulsed at the thought of sharing your experiences with a person. More and more silent and secretive.
Perhaps this happens because the partner does not support you, devalues and criticizes you. Or you do not trust him, because he is able to spill your secrets or use them against you. Or maybe you just don't feel the need to be honest with that particular person anymore.
In any case, the symptom is quite disturbing: healthy relationships are built on openness and trust.
Where this is not the case, it is already difficult to fix something.
Naturally, no ideas or advice should be a guide to action - only an occasion for reflection. The only situation in which you should definitely end the relationship, and as soon as possible, is when your life and health are in danger. Physical abuse, threats, or harassment clearly signal that a relationship cannot be saved.