Relationship with parent
Parent-Child Relationship - Why it's Important
BlogParent-Child Relationship, Parenting Weekadmin
Parenting is the most fulfilling job that we will ever have, but it’s not without it’s challenges. Modern family life can be stressful and with various pressures on families it’s not always easy. Ultimately, parents want what is best for their child and a strong parent-child relationship can help lead to better outcomes for children.
Why is a Positive Parent-Child Relationship Important?The Parent-Child Relationship is one that nurtures the physical, emotional and social development of the child. It is a unique bond that every child and parent will can enjoy and nurture. This relationship lays the foundation for the child’s personality, life choices and overall behaviour. It can also affect the strength of their social, physical, mental and emotional health.
Some of the benefits include:
- Young children who grow with a secure and healthy attachment to their parents stand a better chance of developing happy and content relationships with others in their life.
- A child who has a secure relationship with parent learns to regulate emotions under stress and in difficult situations.
- Promotes the child’s mental, linguistic and emotional development.
- Helps the child exhibit optimistic and confident social behaviours.
- Healthy parent involvement and intervention in the child’s day-to-day life lay the foundation for better social and academic skills.
- A secure attachment leads to a healthy social, emotional, cognitive, and motivational development. Children also gain strong problem-solving skills when they have a positive relationship with their parents.
There is “one-size fits all” when it comes to parenting, we change and adapt as our children grow.
However, following some simple positive parenting tips can help when it comes to your relationship with your child.
Warm, loving interactions
Treat every interaction as an opportunity to connect with your child. Be a warm in your expressions, give eye connect, smile and encourage interaction.
Have boundaries, rules & consequences
Children need structure and guidance. Talk to your children about what you expect of them and make sure they understand.
Listen and empathise with your child
Acknowledge your child’s feelings, show them you understand, and reassure that you are there to help them whenever they have problems.
Problem Solving
Help your child to problem solve. Be a good role model and show them how to behave through your own actions. When you work with your children to find solutions they learn how to deal with difficulties in a appropriate way.
Forming a connection with your child is important to developing a strong parent-child relationship.
Here are some tips to help with strengthening your relationship with your children.
Tell your child you love them
Of course you love your children but tell them every day, no matter what age they are. Even on difficult days let your child know you didn’t like the behaviour but you love them unconditionally. A simple “I love you” can do a lot to strengthen a relationship.
Play together
Play is so important to children’s development. Young children can develop many skills through the power of play. As well as it being fun and helping you develop your relationship with your child, it can help children’s language skills, emotions, creativity and social skills.
The Department of Education and Playboard NI have developed a range of resources on play for parents with the #PlayMatters campaign.
Be Available
Make time to talk to your child without any distractions, even 10 minutes a day can make a big difference in establishing good communication habits.
Turn off the TV, put away technology and spend some quality time together.
Eat meals together
Eating together as a family sets the stage for conversation. Encourage no technology at the table and enjoy each other’s company.
Listen and empathise
Connection starts with listening. Try and see things from your child’s perspective and foster mutual respect.
Spend one on one time with children
If you have more than one child try and make a point of spending individual time with each of them. Quality, individual time with your child can strengthen your bond, builds their self-esteem and lets them know they are valued.
Why a Parent-Child Relationship is Important
It’s no secret that being a parent is one of the most challenging roles in the world. From doing research on various parenting styles to trying out different parenting hacks, we always go above and beyond to make sure we raise happy and successful children.
But no matter what style we choose to use, at the end of the day, it still boils down to the kind of relationship every parent has with their children. The stronger the parent-child relationship, the better the upbringing.
The relationship between a parent and their child is a unique bond that nurtures the holistic growth and development of a child. It lays the foundation for their behavior, personality, traits and values. So why is a positive and healthy parent-child relationship important?
Importance of parent-child relationships- Children who have a healthy relationship with their parents are more likely to develop positive relationships with other people around them. They can establish secure bonds and friendships with peers.
- They are better at regulating their emotions when faced with stress and difficult situations.
- A secure attachment with parents helps promote a child’s cognitive, emotional and social development.
It also helps kids exhibit positive social behaviors. - The healthy involvement of parents in their children’s day to day life helps ensure that their kids can perform better socially and academically.
- Children who have a secure and positive relationship with their parents learn essential skills and values that set them on the path for future success.
This one may sound really basic, but it’s a must for every parent to tell their kids that they love them. Children need to constantly feel loved and secured. Make it a point to let them know you love them as they are growing up, no matter their age. Even amid disagreements and misunderstanding, make them feel that you love them unconditionally.
Give them attentionBeing stuck in busy schedules isn’t and should never be an excuse for not spending adequate time with your little one.
Always give them time and attention. Whether they are playing with their toys, watching television or enjoying their snacks, take time to sit with them. Simply talk to them, play with them, engage with them and give them undivided attention.
Creating rituals and traditions increases a child’s feeling of security. While they are young, make it a point to develop lifelong rituals. For example, you can establish bedtime routines. Read them books before tucking them in at night. Then, make a weekly family ritual where you enjoy a particular activity every weekend, like a family lunch during Sundays or a movie night every Saturday. No matter their age and the ritual, the important thing is that you regularly spend time for activities that strengthen your bond as a family.
Eat meals togetherEating meals as a family is extremely important. Mealtime is the best time for having good conversations and sharing. This can be a fun bonding activity, too.
Be sure to remove all distractions during meals. Turn the TV off and put all electronics away. This is the time when you can really talk and enjoy each other’s company.
If your child comes to you to share their feelings about anything, be sure to welcome them. Hear them out and make them feel they are understood. Perhaps they want to share about a bad day at school or their frustrations with homework. Whatever is causing their distress, be there for them. Don’t judge them. Validate their feelings and be open to discuss it with them.
The special bond between a parent and a child is one of the strongest and most genuine bonds anyone can have in their lifetime. Use these tips to continually nurture the relationship that you have with your little one.
Here at The Pillars Christian Learning Center, we value the importance of parent-child relationships, which is why we encourage parents to get involved and participate in their kids’ day to day activities.
This way, children know and feel that they are accepted and valued for their uniqueness. Please feel free to contact us for more information.
Relations with parents - Psychologos
October 01, 2022, 21:40
Some people don't get along well with their parents. There are many reasons for this, and we are not talking about them now. What can you do to improve your relationship with your parents?
- The most important condition: parents must be loved and parents must be taken care of. Treat the same as you would treat your children: with care, understanding, sometimes demanding, but gentle.
Take care of your parents so that they get enough of your attention. This is not so difficult: to call, find out how things are going, talk, send a text message, give flowers - all these are trifles and all this is pleasant for both you and them. Offer help and help where it would be difficult for parents without you.
nine0003
Mom finds it hard to carry bags of potatoes and buckwheat from the store. It's better for you to do it.
- Work through your personal beliefs. Our parents don't owe us anything. They gave us the main thing: the opportunity to live. Everything else depends on us. Of course, parents can, if they want, help us. We can ask them for help. But asking for help and support is superfluous.
- Make physical contact. In some families it is not customary to hug each other. And relationships with bodily contact are always warmer than relationships without it. Accordingly, you need to slowly supplement the relationship with touches. At first, it should be simple, as it were, random touches. Mom is standing, say, in a narrow corridor, you suddenly needed to walk past her. And in order not to collide, you sort of push her away with your hand, while saying "Skip, please" and smiling. So a few weeks, then - it's just in a conversation to touch with your hand when you thank or say something good.
Then, after, let's say, a little separation, a hug and so on, until physical contact becomes the norm. nine0008 - Conduct conversations in a cheerful way: with enthusiasm, vivacity and humor (only humor is not on the parent, but on the situation or on oneself). In such a cheerful way to insert the necessary suggestions.
Tell me, dear parent, am I so smart about you? Mom, you bring up a lazy person in me: you can’t be such an embodiment of care! It's always like this: I sketch - you remove. I really don't understand what you would do without me! In our house, only one person knows everything: tell me mom, where is my phone ... nine0003
- Start conversations about interesting topics for parents: how is work? what's interestnig? Keep up the conversation, even if you are not very interested in it. If this is a TV show, ask around who you like best, what the show is about, who hosts it, how often it goes on, and so on. If about work - then how are you, what did you do and so on.
The main thing is just to have a conversation, not to give advice, not to evaluate, but just to be interested. Keep the conversation on positive topics: what do you like? And who liked more? etc. To nullify complaints and negativity: either physically interrupt the conversation (only politely, remember that you need to call someone, write an SMS and so on), and then return it to a different direction (yes, what are we talking about. Since you did you go to a sanatorium?), or immediately transfer to a new topic. nine0008 - If there are quarrels, quarrels should be brought to naught as soon as possible. And to understand - later, when everything has cooled down. Clarify what mom doesn’t like, apologize for it. Even if it seems to you that you are categorically not to blame, by apologizing, you kind of give a behavior option for your parents: apologizing is normal. When you have apologized yourself, check if the apology is accepted. Most likely you will hear yes in response. Then we can add that two are always to blame for the conflict.
You were wrong here and here (check again), but it seems to you that the parent was wrong here (it is important to say something that will be clear to the parent: for example, you don’t need to raise your voice at you. Or you don’t need to hang up when talking "And so on. Offer to apologize for this. Remind that you are also wrong, but you apologized. After waiting for an apology in any form, make peace. Ideally, it is better to go to different rooms for a while, and then do something together: have a snack, drink tea etc. nine0008 - To engage parents in some activity. Let him go to a new store, see what clothes are sold there and buy himself something new (and you help organize this trip). Offer to do yoga (only first make sure that this is a really good fitness club, so as not to discourage any desire). Find out about the resort. Just don’t do everything yourself: let the parents do everything on their own, and you just help them wherever they need it. Find the address, explain how to get there, and so on.
Give books that will help your parents to form a positive worldview, take care of their health, SPA sessions, massages, and so on. nine0008
- Difficult relationships
- Attitude of children to parents
Comments (8):
Guest, November 11, 2016, 03:16 PM
And if the parent is like a child, touchy, aggressive, harsh. For life, except for alcohol and a cat, he is not particularly interested in anything. And every conversation with him with a sober person happens about nothing and ends with everything annoying him and he hangs up. And this is not psychiatry. This is spoiled and bad manners ... And he does not want to talk much. And when drunk, he sometimes calls and begins to tell how he worries about everyone. Honestly? I don’t want to call him to once again listen to his stories about the cat. And about how he himself is all poor and unhappy. Instead of him, you will not improve his life at the age of 70. And if I start doing instead of him, for example, going to the store, then he will generally lose the meaning of life and motivation for at least something normal.
He leads a very parasitic life. That's why to communicate with him and about what, if in his life, besides himself and the cat, and even drink .... nothing is interesting .... And everything that is written in this article is applicable for those parents who are adequate . Yes? nine0003
1
answer
N.I. Kozlov, November 11, 2016, 3:30 pm
Yes, an article about parents who are parents, not parasites. November 12, 2016 My mother treats me like a small helpless child who can't even eat without her reminding me. Therefore, she sometimes calls me several times a day and asks if I ate, what I cooked, what I do. I understand that she cares about me and is grateful to her for it, but often this excessive concern drives me crazy. And I start answering calls in a rude way (and then I blame myself for it), or I just don’t pick up the phone. Mom is then offended, although she quickly leaves. I tried to calmly explain to her that this obsession annoys me, but nothing changes.
Or she tries to keep her distance for a short time, and then again for the old. I want my mother to treat me like an adult independent person who can take care of herself. What can I do about it? nine0003
2
answers
Guest, June 07, 2019, 03:42
Probably you should convey this information to your mother more often (because water wears away the stone), and most importantly in a good way. Find positive points of contact with your mother, and be surprised how you yourself will be more interested in her life! , and she, be surprised, will want to live a more fulfilling life and she will gradually switch her attention to her already personal "women's affairs." I wish you sincerely good and mutual understanding! nine0003
Guest, May 05, 2020, 09:09
You will understand what happiness it is when your mother is gone.
Guest, February 13, 2018, 4:17 PM
It seems to me that I give my mother enough attention, though by phone, because we live in different cities.
And the more attention I give, the more problems I have with her. More tantrums, far-fetched situations (I had a bad dream, which means something terrible will happen soon), there are so many demands on me that I can’t please. But I live separately, with my family, my life, I don’t depend on it (at least financially). She lives with my sister, so she's not lonely. Constant comparisons that I live well (financial well-being is implied), but my sisters do not, and I cannot understand them, give rise to a feeling of guilt in me. Although from the point of view of reasonableness, I understand that my fault here is zero. Your article is good, but not applicable to some people, because the result is sometimes not what you expect. Showing attention and interest in demonstrative personalities, you run the risk of being the very extreme. nine0003
Guest, February 02, 2020, 2:09 PM
Sometimes it can be difficult to get along with your parents. But personally, the following advice helps me in this: "Honor your father and mother" Ephesians chapter 6 verse 2: "let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" James chapter 1 verse 19.
I noticed that when you are not in a hurry to get annoyed and offended by your parents if they make comments or are dissatisfied with something, but you continue to talk respectfully, this benefits both me and my parents, and there are fewer disagreements. nine0003
Guest, February 10, 2021, 6:21 pm
When I leave, my mother says come with me to the mall, I say, no moms, can I go outside and take a walk, she says okay. I leave, I come at 8-9, dad says where he was, and so on. Then she says, you know, she cleaned the house herself, cooked a pie, food. After that, I feel ashamed. But when I come, I want to talk to them, they just don't want to communicate with me.
Related materials:
28 Dec. 2016
How to respond to unnecessary advice? nine0003
Mom is very fond of giving advice, handing out "CC" and delegating. Most often, I reacted to this indifferently or aggressively, which resulted in my mother's grievances and our quarrels. And recently, while working on the “Help” exercise, I found an interesting solution: to respond to advice with a request for help.
4Read more
Jan 01 2005
Love as a joyful care
If a person says that he loves, but in reality he cares only about himself and his own, then it seems that he loves not you, but himself. If he cares about you, it's not obvious that this is love, but closer. If he does it with real joy, it is already love. Love is deeds, it is primarily what you do for a loved one. nine0003
8Read more
Oct 01 2022
Parents and children
A child does not grow into a person by himself, the child is made a person by his parents. A child is born without the experience of current life, he is almost a pure carrier of information, who is just beginning to write down and explain to himself everything that happens around him. And it is the parents who are the first people who are fixed by a small person, and for most people it is their parents who become and remain the most important people for the child for life.
nine0003
0Read more
Jan 01 2010
Caring, caring, caring
Caring is giving effective attention. Care in relation to business - attentiveness, diligence, foresight, troublesomeness. Caring in relation to a person is the same plus responsiveness and help. Caring is a manifestation of care, a habit of showing care. A caring person is a person who is characterized by caring and caring. A person who is inclined and has time to think not only about himself, but also about those around him. nine0003
0Read more
How to build a healthy relationship with your parents if you are no longer a child
December 28, 2021 Relationship
Learn to speak to each other as equals.
What a harmonious relationship looks like
For interaction to be comfortable, participants must communicate from the perspective of adults, which they are. The roles of "parent" and "child" no longer work, both of them are on an equal footing.
Let's say it doesn't occur to you to shift the laundry in the closet of a friend of the same age. The closet and personal space of the child, like the parent, belong to them. nine0003
Nadezhda Efremova
Psychotherapist.
Any relationship we build between two or more adults is always about setting boundaries. Boundaries are not sky-high palisades, but instructions for the other person on how to treat you.
It happens that relatives are so accustomed to considering us as their continuation that they do not pay attention to boundaries. For example, you are already an adult woman who lives separately, and your mother comes to you early in the morning on Saturdays, opening the door with her key. Or you started your family a long time ago, and your parents say that your wife is raising children incorrectly. All this speaks of a misunderstanding of where one's own borders end and others begin. nine0003
Nadezhda Efremova
Psychotherapist.
This works both ways.
It does not happen that a person holds his own boundaries well, and violates others easily. If strangers are violated, it means that he feels badly about his own.
When this happens, it is necessary to change the conditions - just as when working with a counterparty. Don't expect to be understood at once. It will take time for all parties to adapt.
You can't take adult-to-adult relationships unless you're willing to take responsibility for your life. It is not enough to declare it, it is necessary to confirm the maturity by actions. nine0003
Oleg Ivanov
Psychologist, conflictologist, head of the Center for Settlement of Social Conflicts.
You do not have to live up to your relatives' expectations. You should not be evaluated - either positively or negatively. If you understand that you are in a dependent position, you are under pressure, protect your personal boundaries.
How to talk to parents about the importance of personal boundaries
You can convey your point of view only in dialogue.
Psychologist Lilia Valiakhmetova suggests taking into account the following nuances. nine0003
1. Understand why this conversation is for you
Retire and clearly articulate what you want to achieve from the conversation, what is important to you. Write it down on paper, you can make up questions in advance or some of your own proposals.
2. Choose the right time
All participants in the conversation should be in a calm emotional state, exclude fuss and nervousness. It is important that you have enough time for communication, you are not in a hurry.
3. Follow the degree of conversation
Avoid emotions while talking. If you feel that you are boiling, it is better to stop communicating. When discussing something, talk about your feelings and attitude to it: “When you do this, I feel like this.” The likelihood that you will be heard in this case is greater.
Lilia Valiakhmetova
Psychologist, coach and co-founder of the coach selection service ollo.
one.
You can't go over to personalities, insults, manipulations. Honesty matters! Without it, you will lose the trust of your parents, and there will be no sense in talking. nine0003
4. Don't expect things to get better overnight
The conversation may not end the way you want. Well, if you can come to a solution that suits both parties. But even if you didn’t get the result, it can still work out in the best way. Having finished the conversation, postponing it for later, you give relatives the opportunity to think, analyze what was said. After some time, they themselves can return to it and, perhaps, approach the discussion from a different position. nine0003
How not to blame your parents for their mistakes
Communication from the position of adults suggests that you see parents as separate independent individuals. Be prepared to interact as an equal, as with another adult, and not as with a person who, by virtue of parenthood, owes you a certain list of things.
Maria Eril
Head of the "Psychology of Communication" department of the Business speech company, psychologist, psychotherapist, business coach.
Mom and dad made certain mistakes in our childhood. But the parental role, albeit not the most successful one, is not the whole personality. And if we compare the entire personality of the parent only with their function, then we lose their integrity. nine0003
The personality is bigger, wider: from an adult position, our parents turn out to be people with certain difficulties, worries, torments. Finding this integrity and communicating with real, and not “obligatory for all elders” respect is just the only possible harmonious strategy.
Is it possible to stop communicating with parents
The ability to negotiate largely depends on the family and how a person was brought up. If your relative grew up in a family where respect and support were accepted, chances are they have the skills to understand their desires and emotions.
Usually such people have relatively well-built personal boundaries. nine0003
If the family has cultivated feelings of fear and guilt, then the relationship can cause a lot of pain and suffering. The boundaries of an adult will be built poorly. Such people are not responsible for their words and actions. In these cases, it is very difficult to reach a compromise.
Lilia Valiakhmetova
Psychologist, coach and co-founder of the coach selection service ollo.one.
If from time to time you come across aggression, threats, pressure, end the conversation and minimize communication. You have done everything you could, so you have the right to build communication with this relative according to your rules and to the extent that you need. You decide how much you are willing to communicate with him, at what time, on what topics and in what way. nine0003
This does not mean that you are ending the relationship for good. But if you really want to change the situation for the better, then it is important not to let yourself be manipulated and cultivate a sense of guilt.
Again, this is a violation of boundaries.
Nadezhda Efremova
Psychotherapist.
If you understand that you are uncomfortable and the person does not hear you, then you need to calmly report that such a relationship is unacceptable for you, and stop it. Don't be afraid of this period. Most likely, after some time you will be able to resume communication on other terms. nine0003
How to raise a child so that your relationships are healthy in the future
If you build personal boundaries throughout your life in accordance with the phases of growing up, relationships will develop harmoniously. It must be understood that the child is a separate person.
Oleg Ivanov
Psychologist, conflictologist, head of the Center for Settlement of Social Conflicts.
Psychological fusion is normal for mother and child up to three years old, but not for adults. Therefore, separation - the separation of children from their parents - is an important step in the formation of a person's personality.
nine0003
Separation should be gradual. At 3-4 years old, it is desirable for children to make a corner in the house where they could go about their business. The child can and should be periodically left with a nanny, grandma or grandpa. At 7-8 years old, children can already be left alone for a short time. Around this age, they can already be sent to summer camps.
Building boundaries means listening to the wishes of the children. Perhaps you were once forced to cuddle with your second cousin, although you did not want to, or burst into your room without knocking. All this has the opposite effect. nine0003
The separation of the child from the parents, the development of his independence, independence is a normal process. If it is difficult, if the parents are not ready to let the grown children go, they will remain in a co-dependent position. Children, no matter what age, will not be able to separate their needs from their parents.
Oleg Ivanov
Psychologist, conflictologist, head of the Center for Settlement of Social Conflicts.
