Psychology questions to ask your friends


272 Deep Questions to Ask: A Guy, Girl, Friend, or Anyone

272 Deep Questions to Ask: A Guy, Girl, Friend, or Anyone

By Tchiki Davis, MA, PhD

Want to get to know someone better? One way is to ask them deep questions. So here are some deep questions you can ask different people—people like your partner, friends, or whoever.

*This page may include affiliate links; that means I earn from qualifying purchases of products.

Maybe you're trying to get to know someone better. Maybe you're trying to make conversations  more interesting. Or maybe, you just want to improve your communication skills by asking deep questions. In this article, we'll give you a bunch of questions to ask the different people in your life. We'll cover deep questions that you can ask a guy, a girl, your girlfriend, boyfriend or long-term partner, your friends, your best friend, and yourself.

Before we dive in, we thought you might first be interested in our well-being quiz.  Take our quiz to get your free well-being report and resources.

​And for our well-being entrepreneurs, coaches, and consultants? You can download our Wellness Business Growth eBook to get expert tips, tools, and resources to make a bigger impact and grow your wellness business fast.

Are You a Therapist, Coach, or Wellness Entrepreneur?

Grab Our Free eBook to Learn How to


Grow Your Wellness Business Exponentially!

 ✓  Save hundreds of hours of time    Earn more $ faster  
  Boost your credibility   Deliver high-impact content 

What Are Deep Questions and Why Do They Matter?

Communication may just be the backbone of healthy relationships. But communication is more than just a tool we use to explore ourselves. It can also be used to build closer bonds with others. One way we can do this is by asking deep questions—questions that lead others to self-disclose to us. This is how we get to know who the other person is for real.

In perhaps one of the best-known studies on relationships, Art Aron showed that when two people asked each other increasingly deep questions over a 45-minute period, they felt closer than two people who had just engaged in chit-chat (Aron et al., 1997). Further research suggests that when others self-disclose personal information, we like them more (Sprecher, Treger, & Wondra, 2013). This may partially explain why deep questions increase closeness.

Deep Questions to Ask Someone

To start increasing closeness (or just get to know someone), here are the questions you can ask anyone from Dr. Aron's study (Aron et al., 1997). They increase in intensity from the beginning to the end.

Set I

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
  5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
  6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
  7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
  12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

  1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
  2. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  4. What do you value most in a friendship?
  5. What is your most treasured memory?
  6. What is your most terrible memory?
  7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
  8. What does friendship mean to you?
  9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  10. Share something you consider to be a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
  11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

  1. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…” 
  2. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
  3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
  4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
  5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  7. Tell your partner something that you like about them [already].
  8. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
  10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
  11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

More Deep Questions to Ask Anyone

In addition to Aron's 36 questions for closeness, here are some more questions you can ask anyone.

  1. If you could have three wishes, what would they be?
  2. Who was your favorite cartoon character when you were a kid?
  3. What does spirituality mean to you?
  4. Do you believe in giving people second chances, and why?
  5. How would you describe your first crush?
  6. What are your favorite hobbies?
  7. What is your star sign? And do you believe in astrology?
  8. What do you want people to remember about you after you’re gone?
  9. What was the most important lesson you’ve learned from a past relationship?
  10. What are some of your favorite books?
  11. Have you ever had an epiphany? If so what was it like for you?
  12. What what the most intense experience you've had in your life?
  13. When you dream big, what would you do with your life?
  14. Are you a morning or a night person?
  15. Do you think anyone has the capacity to cheat or do you think only cheaters cheat?
  16. Have you ever shoplifted anything?
  17. Have you ever told a lie that you regretted?
  18. Have you ever done something you regretted?
  19. Do you ever make excuses for your bad behavior? (e. g., I punched him because he was a jerk.)
  20. What do you think of A.I. (Artificial Intelligence)? Scary or amazing?
  21. What do you think of Elon Musk?
  22. What do you think of Steve Jobs? Hero or Villain?
  23. What do you think the solution is to climate change?
  24. Do you think psychics are actually psychic?
  25. What is your favorite workout?
  26. How do you think you'd be different if you were raised in a different family?
  27. What is the most important lesson you've learned this year?
  28. What is your dream vacation?
  29. What superpowers did you wish you had when you were a kid?
  30. What did you want to be when you grew up?
  31. Are you a mountain or a beach person?
  32. What is your spirit animal?
  33. Are you very close to anyone in your family? Why?
  34. What are your top three strengths?
  35. What are your top three positive qualities?
  36. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
  37. What are your passions in life?
  38. Have you ever had your heart broken? What did it feel like to you?
  39. What type of music energizes you?
  40. Are you still friends with anyone from high school?
  41. What was your favorite subject or class in high school?
  42. What was the most memorable experience from your childhood?
  43. How do you relax when you're stressed out?
  44. What is a skill that you want to build?
  45. If you could change one decision you made when you were younger what would it be and why?
  46. If you could change one thing about your childhood what would it be and why?
  47. Do you know how to play any musical instruments?
  48. Who or what inspires you?
  49. What is your place in the whole world?
  50. Who is your doppelganger?
  51. Have you ever been camping? Did you like it?
  52. What is one accomplishment that you're proud of?
  53. What three non-electric or non-automatic items would you take on a deserted island?
  54. If “hello” were to be replaced by another word as a greeting, what word would that be?
  55. When you see your family, what do you do together?
  56. What is your Achilles heel (your weak spot)?
  57. What is your favorite (least favorite) emotion?
  58. What do you think makes a meaningful life?
  59. Is there anything from the 1980s that you wish would come back?
  60. Do you believe in good and evil?
  61. What do you think prevents people from manifesting their dreams?
  62. Do you get déjà vu? What does it feel like for you?
  63. What makes you feel nostalgic?
  64. What would you do if you found out you had a year to live?
  65. If you redesigned society, what would you change?
  66. What would be a perfect day for you?
  67. What impresses you?
  68. If you had to eat only one meal for the rest of your life what would it be?
  69. What's your least favorite food?
  70. What's one thing I don't already know about you?

Deep Questions to Ask a Girl

You can ask girls and guys many of the same deep questions (as listed above), but I thought it might be helpful to also provide some additional deep questions you might want to ask a girl or guy. So here are some extra questions you might want to ask a girl.

  1. Do you want to have a baby? Why? (Or why did you have a baby?)
  2. Have you ever been “mansplained,” and if so, what did you do about it?
  3. How do you feel about the #MeToo movement?
  4. Have you ever asked a guy out on a date?
  5. How do you feel about the idea that some people think the female organism is a myth?
  6. If you could choose, would you have chosen to be born a girl or guy?
  7. What do you think it means to be a woman?
  8. What's your favorite thing about being a woman?
  9. What's your least favorite thing about being a woman?
  10. How do you feel about how females are depicted in movies and TV?

Video: How to Ask Better Questions (Tips for Guys)

Deep Questions to Ask a Guy

Here are some extra questions you might want to ask a guy:

  1. Do you ever feel pressure to be the provider in your family or relationship?
  2. What do you think about expressing your emotions? 
  3. How do you think about women?
  4. How do you feel about being responsible for pushing a relationship forward (e. g., asking a girl on a date or to marry you?)
  5. What do you think of society's idea of what a man should be?
  6. What do you think the challenges are of being a man in the modern world?
  7. How do you build friendships with other guys?
  8. What is your definition of being a man?
  9. What's your favorite thing about being a man?
  10. What's your least favorite thing about being a man?

Deep Questions to Ask Your Partner (Boyfriend or Girlfriend)

When you're getting to know your relationship partner, there may be a number of questions to ask that can help you get closer to them and also understand them better. These questions may also help you determine whether they are a good fit for you in the long term.

  1. What do you look for in a relationship?
  2. What personal qualities do you love?
  3. Do you believe in marriage? If so, what age do you think is the best for marriage?
  4. Do you believe in soul mates?
  5. What is your love language?
  6. What is your idea of a perfect date?
  7. What is your idea of a perfect vacation?
  8. How do you describe commitment? How do you describe freedom?
  9. Do you want to have kids?
  10. How do you imagine your life in 10 years? 20 years? 50 years?
  11. If you had all the money you needed, what would you do with your life?
  12. Where would you put yourself on the workaholic to relaxaholic spectrum?
  13. How do you react when you're upset?
  14. If you had a partner who gained a lot of weight, would you stay with them?
  15. What do you think leads people to cheat in relationships?
  16. If you were having relationship troubles, would you ever go see a relationship counselor?
  17. What's one time when you had to compromise? How did that feel to you?
  18. What would be the perfect amount of time each day that you'd spend with your partner?
  19. What’s a deal-breaker for you in a relationship?
  20. What is a healthy relationship to you?

A Few More Deep Questions Lists for Girls and Guys

Here are a few other good lists of deep questions to get to know your romantic partner better:

Deep Questions to Ask Friends

Maybe you're looking to get to know your friends better. Here are some questions that can help:

  1. If you could magically change one thing in your life, what would it be?
  2. What do you think of mindfulness?
  3. Do you think we’d be better off without social media?
  4. What do you think it means to be healthy?
  5. What do you love the most in life?
  6. Do you vote?
  7. Do you believe in karma? 
  8. What do you think about freedom of speech?
  9. Do you think there is an afterlife of any kind?
  10. What do you think about veganism?
  11. What do you think about the current younger generation?
  12. Do you think bullies see themselves as bullies?
  13. Do you tend to trust people?
  14. Do you feel like men and women are equal?
  15. Do you think people can change?
  16. What's your favorite activity to do with friends?
  17. What's one thing you believe in that's kinda weird?
  18. Where is your favorite place to go eat?
  19. What was one of your funniest moments?
  20. If I asked you, "Who are you?" How would you answer?

Deep Questions to Ask Your Best Friend

Sometimes there are those personal questions that you're just not comfortable asking anyone but your best friend. Here are a few of these extra-deep questions you might want to only ask your best closest friends:

  1. What do you like about me?
  2. What are my best qualities?
  3. What are my worst qualities?
  4. What aspects of myself do I need to work on to be a better friend?
  5. What makes you feel comfortable around me?
  6. What do you think it is about us that made us such good friends?
  7. Do you have any secrets that you need to get off your chest? If so, I promise to hold them with you.
  8. Do you think we'll still be friends when we die?
  9. What do you think your life would be like without me?
  10. What's one thing you'd like to do together that we haven't yet done?

Video: 40 Deep Questions To Ask If You Really Want To Get To Know Someone

Deep Questions to Ask Yourself

Last but not least, you may want to ask yourself some deep questions to better get to know yourself. By asking ourselves deep questions we can uncover thoughts and beliefs we didn't even realize we had. So check out these questions you can use to get to know yourself better.

  1. Do you respect yourself?
  2. Are you confident? Why or why not?
  3. Do you like who you are?
  4. How do you express your emotions?
  5. What makes you happy?
  6. What are your strengths and weaknesses?
  7. ​Do you forgive those who have hurt you? How?
  8. Do you think you're brave? Why or why not?
  9. How do you engage in self-care?
  10. Do you try to grow and improve your abilities?
  11. Are you proud of yourself?
  12. Do you know what you want in life?
  13. In what ways do you think positively? negatively?
  14. What's your personal mission statement?
  15. Do you believe you can manifest your dreams?
  16. What are your long-term goals?
  17. What are you thankful for?
  18. Do you love yourself?
  19. what are your core values?
  20. Do you consider yourself an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in the middle?
  21. What motivates you?
  22. How do you respond to rejection?
  23. Do you ever feel shame or guilt? What causes it?
  24. Do you suppress or express your emotions? Why and how?
  25. Are you generally present in the moment or do you spend a lot of time in your head?
  26. Do you have a healthy relationship with your smartphone?
  27. What makes you feel vulnerable?
  28. What are your good habits and bad habits?
  29. What is your true calling?
  30. What makes you feel empowered? Disempowered?
  31. What anti-stress strategies help you most?
  32. Do you ever have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)?
  33. Do you have any trust issues?
  34. Do you have an easy or hard time letting go of the past?
  35. How do you self-soothe when you're upset?
  36. Do you tend to have a scarcity mindset or an abundance mindset?
  37. What's your communication style?
  38. Do you practice random acts of kindness?
  39. What is your best life?
  40. What makes you jealous or envious?
  41. Have you ever faked happiness?
  42. How secure or insecure do you tend to be in relationships?
  43. Do you tend to be an optimist or a pessimist?
  44. How positive are you about your body?
  45. Have you ever cheated emotionally?
  46. What are your highest aspirations?
  47. What negative thoughts do you have? How might you shift them to be more positive?
  48. What makes you laugh?
  49. How many hugs do you need each day?
  50. What brings you the most joy?

More Articles to Help You Improve Your Social Connections

Here are some more articles that may help you build the skills that support healthy relationships and social bonds.

  • What is Love? Definition, Signs & Types
  • Is Your Smartphone Hurting Your Relationships?
  • ​Healthy Relationships: Definition, Characteristics, and Tips​
  • ​Rapport: Definition & How to Build It
  • Self-Disclosure: Definition, Examples, & Tips

Final Thoughts on Deep Questions to Ask

Asking deep questions can be a great way to learn more about others, increase closeness between you, and have more interesting conversations. Hopefully, these lists of deep questions gave you a good place to start.

Don't Forget to Grab Our Free eBook to Learn How to


Grow Your Wellness Business Exponentially!

References

  • Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and social psychology bulletin23(4), 363-377.
  • Sprecher, S., Treger, S. , & Wondra, J. D. (2013). Effects of self-disclosure role on liking, closeness, and other impressions in get-acquainted interactions. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships30(4), 497-514.​

Are You a Therapist, Coach, or Wellness Entrepreneur?

Grab Our Free eBook to Learn How to Grow Your Wellness Business Fast!

Key Articles:

  • Happiness​
  • Well-Being
  • Emotions
  • Stress Management
  • Self-Confidence
  • Self-Care
  • Manifestation
  • ​All Articles...

Content Packages:

  • All-Access Pass​
  • ​​PLR Content Packages
  • PLR Courses​​

Psychological Questions for Closeness and Intimacy I Psych Central

Psychological Questions for Closeness and Intimacy I Psych Central
  • Conditions
    • Featured
      • Addictions
      • Anxiety Disorder
      • ADHD
      • Bipolar Disorder
      • Depression
      • PTSD
      • Schizophrenia
    • Articles
      • Adjustment Disorder
      • Agoraphobia
      • Borderline Personality Disorder
      • Childhood ADHD
      • Dissociative Identity Disorder
      • Narcissistic Personality Disorder
      • Narcolepsy
      • Oppositional Defiant Disorder
      • Panic Attack
      • Postpartum Depression
      • Schizoaffective Disorder
      • Seasonal Affective Disorder
      • Sex Addiction
      • Specific Phobias
      • Teenage Depression
      • Trauma
  • Discover
    • Wellness Topics
      • Black Mental Health
      • Grief
      • Emotional Health
      • Sex & Relationships
      • Trauma
      • Understanding Therapy
      • Workplace Mental Health
    • Original Series
      • My Life with OCD
      • Caregivers Chronicles
      • Empathy at Work
      • Sex, Love & All of the Above
      • Parent Central
      • Mindful Moment
    • News & Events
      • Mental Health News
      • COVID-19
      • Live Town Hall: Mental Health in Focus
    • Podcasts
      • Inside Mental Health
      • Inside Schizophrenia
      • Inside Bipolar
  • Quizzes
    • Conditions
      • ADHD Symptoms Quiz
      • Anxiety Symptoms Quiz
      • Autism Quiz: Family & Friends
      • Autism Symptoms Quiz
      • Bipolar Disorder Quiz
      • Borderline Personality Test
      • Childhood ADHD Quiz
      • Depression Symptoms Quiz
      • Eating Disorder Quiz
      • Narcissim Symptoms Test
      • OCD Symptoms Quiz
      • Psychopathy Test
      • PTSD Symptoms Quiz
      • Schizophrenia Quiz
    • Lifestyle
      • Attachment Style Quiz
      • Career Test
      • Do I Need Therapy Quiz?
      • Domestic Violence Screening Quiz
      • Emotional Type Quiz
      • Loneliness Quiz
      • Parenting Style Quiz
      • Personality Test
      • Relationship Quiz
      • Stress Test
      • What's Your Sleep Like?
  • Resources
    • Treatment & Support
      • Find Support
      • Suicide Prevention
      • Drugs & Medications
      • Find a Therapist

Medically reviewed by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD — By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. and Christina Ward — Updated on Aug 22, 2022

Can you create a sense of closeness or intimacy with a complete stranger? Psychology research says, yes, you can.

More than 20 years ago, a team of psychology researchers led by psychologist Arthur Aron (1997) conducted an experiment that demonstrated that you could create a sense of closeness or intimacy with another person simply by asking and answering a set of 36 questions together.

But was the closeness produced in the experimental condition the same as the real closeness we feel with long-time partners and friends?

The researchers report that the closeness produced in these studies was similar to the “real closeness” we feel in our everyday relationships.

But this closeness isn’t the same as closeness or intimacy gained through time and shared experiences alone — it lacks key components of what typically define closeness or intimacy in a relationship.

The 36 questions call for self-disclosure and other intimacy-associated behaviors — they’re designed to increase intimacy with the other individual.

There are three sets of questions, and each set has 12 questions. The intensity of the questions gradually increases, both within sets of questions and over the three sets.

In the original experiment, the participants were asked to spend only about 15 minutes on each set of questions. But you can spend as much, or as little, time as you’d like.

It’s recommended that you and your partner take turns reading each question aloud to one another, with both people answering the posed question.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?

4. What would be a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you’re able to live to the age of 90 and can keep either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you’ll die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. What do you feel most grateful for in your life?

10. If you could change one thing about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take 4 minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Have you done it? If not, why?

15. What’s your greatest accomplishment?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What’s your most treasured memory?

18. What’s your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in 1 year you’d die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you’re living now? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than others?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For example, “We’re both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone who I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them. Try to be honest, saying things you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something you like about him or her already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told that person yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how they might handle it. Then, ask them to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you’ve chosen.

Building a close relationship with another person isn’t easy. It takes time and hard work to get to know someone intimately — and you may still not know everything about them.

Psychologist Arthur Aaron, together with others in his field, supposes that asking a certain set of psychological questions can help build the same closeness in a relationship within a few minutes that’s often only felt by spending time with that person.

But while you may learn some things about your partner with these questions, it can’t match the closeness and intimacy that’s built over years.

Last medically reviewed on August 21, 2022

1 sourcecollapsed

  • Aaron A, et al. (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: A procedure and some preliminary findings.
    journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0146167297234003

FEEDBACK:

Medically reviewed by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD — By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. and Christina Ward — Updated on Aug 22, 2022

Read this next

  • Fear of Intimacy: When You Are Afraid of Getting Too Close

    Medically reviewed by Janet Brito, PhD, LCSW, CST

    Fear of intimacy or getting close to others may keep you from enjoying relationships. Here are the causes and how you can begin to heal.

    READ MORE

  • How to Deal with a Partner’s Fear of Intimacy

    Medically reviewed by Janet Brito, PhD, LCSW, CST

    Developing a close relationship with a person who fears intimacy can be difficult, but various coping strategies are available to help you.

    READ MORE

  • How Does Sex Differ from Intimacy?

    Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, LMFT, CST

    Though many believe sex and intimacy are the same, there are significant differences between the two. Understanding these can be key to a healthy…

    READ MORE

  • 9 Health Benefits of Friendship

    Medically reviewed by Debra Rose Wilson, PhD, MSN, RN, IBCLC, AHN-BC, CHT

    The benefits of friendship are widespread and can improve all areas of your life, such as reducing symptoms of stress and providing a reliable support…

    READ MORE

  • How Many Friends Do You Need?

    Medically reviewed by Danielle Wade, LCSW

    Some people need more social time than others. That said, research says most people in America have between 3 and 5 close friends.

    READ MORE

  • 7 Signs Someone Doesn't Respect Your Boundaries and What to Do

    Unhealthy boundaries in relationships may hurt your mental health. Here are the signs of broken boundaries and how to put a stop to it.

    READ MORE

  • How to Respond to a Passive-Aggressive Person

    Here are some of the characteristics of a passive-aggressive person, what triggers their behavior, and how to respond to them.

    READ MORE

  • Power Struggles in Relationships: Causes, Signs, and How to Resolve

    Is every relationship a power struggle? Yes and no. Here's all about power balance and how to avoid and solve common challenges.

    READ MORE

  • The 4 S's of Secure Attachment and How They Impact Adult Relationships

    These 4 S's may determine how a child can grow up to form secure attachments and healthy relationships.

    READ MORE

  • 5 Early Signs of Divorce and How to Resolve Before It's Over

    Here are some signs your marriage may be over or heading for divorce. Good news is you can work on overcoming these challenges before it's too late.

    READ MORE

60 important questions that will help you get to know yourself, friends and loved ones better

How to get through difficult times: Psy daily advice

How to raise a child so that he does not want to leave home: 4 tips

girl was different.”

36,974

Man among men Knowing thyself

Truly profound questions and conversations require sincere curiosity and a desire to establish emotional contact. “The shortest route to another person's heart or mind is through meaningful, meaningful dialogue. By asking important and deep questions, you demonstrate sincere interest in the interlocutor and create the prerequisites for further rapprochement, ”explains psychotherapist Holly Richmond.

Here are 60 such questions. Of course, you can add to this list by creating your own.

Questions to ask yourself

  • What are my true intentions?
  • What are my core values?
  • What hidden desires and aspirations have I used to ignore?
  • Who are the people with whom communication always cheers me up?
  • Who, on the contrary, always seems to draw energy out of me?
  • When do I most acutely feel alive?
  • What do I feel now (anxiety, joyful anticipation, emotional excitement, thirst for action...) and why?
  • Am I taking good care of myself?
  • Do I value myself?
  • What am I not paying enough attention to?
  • How did my personal growth manifest itself?

What to ask your friends about

  • What are you thinking about today?
  • What are you most interested in right now?
  • Has something been bothering you lately?
  • Do you feel connected to the outside world?
  • What is especially important and interesting for you?
  • What do you value most in friends?
  • What always makes you happy?
  • What are the current difficulties in your life?
  • Would you like to talk about something? Perhaps I can offer some advice?
  • What do you enjoy now?
  • Are you working on something interesting right now?

What to ask your partner about

  • What do you feel most often lately?
  • Do you think we're close enough?
  • Are you satisfied with sex?
  • How can we make our relationship even better?
  • When do you feel especially loved/loved?
  • Is there anything so important to you that you would risk your life for it?
  • How can I become a better partner?
  • How/what were you like as a child? What about in adolescence?
  • When was the last time you felt lonely even though we were together?
  • What are you dreaming about?
  • When do you think we are especially close?
  • Do you have any concerns that I could help with?
  • How do you imagine a truly great relationship?

What to ask relatives

  • What are you most interested in today?
  • What are you grateful for today?
  • What did you miss this week?
  • Did you manage to do something this week that you are proud of?
  • What do you want to learn in the near future?
  • How would you describe our family?
  • Do you feel like a full member of the family or rather an outsider?
  • What family traditions do you try to keep?
  • Have you ever done something "forbidden" that was worth it?
  • Tell me about our relatives that I don't know?
  • What are the strengths of our family?
  • Tell us about the best gift you have ever received?
  • What are the main values ​​in our family?
  • What traditions were you glad to give up?
  • How do you imagine our family in 50 years?

A few more philosophical questions to start an interesting conversation

  • What is the meaning of life for you?
  • What memory do you think will remain of you?
  • How long do you think you will be remembered?
  • What is the most important thing you have done in your life?
  • How did you manage to change the world even a little?
  • What is the most important quality for any person?
  • What should be more in the world?
  • What should become less in the world?
  • What do you think will be more valued in 50 years: science or art?
  • Why do you think art is important (or vice versa, useless)?
  • Do you think the influence of religions will increase or decrease?
  • What is happiness?
  • Which do you think is more important and why: improving your own life, helping your family, or making the world a better place?
  • By what criteria should society be evaluated?
  • Is the world changing for better or for worse? And why?
  • Do you have a motto or life principle?
  • Are moral principles relative or absolute?
  • What from the past would be worth keeping?
  • How has society changed during your lifetime?
  • What do you think caused these changes?
  • Is it better to be a realist or an optimist?

“It is always useful to have in your “arsenal” a set of important and interesting questions that can start an interesting dialogue. Such questions help to better know others and yourself and strengthen relationships with loved ones,” emphasizes Holly Richmond.

Text: Nikolay Protsenko Photo Source: Getty Images

New on the site

Borderliners: 6 Symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder - Test Yourself0003

“I can’t forget the girl I was in love with unrequitedly for three years”

“The guy has been hinting or directly refusing to have sex with me for two months now”

Scientists have named a simple way to create a successful profile on a dating site

diary: 6 main principles - improve your sex life

How not to make the same mistakes in relationships: 5 tips

Quiz: Does your partner like sex with you?

What to give for a wedding and how to present a gift? Host Tips

Questions for friends to get to know them better: psychology

We ask each other a lot of questions when we talk, but most of them are superficial and useless. There are unspoken rules about what questions you can ask friends to get to know a person better, understand a loved one's problem, or even cheer up a friend.

What questions you can ask your friends

It would seem that it could be easier, questions for friends can be any, that's why they are friends. But in this case, there are misconceptions.

Many people believe that they do not lack questions and answers in communication with friends. At the same time, they recall the daily exchange of information on various topics. These can be questions about well-being (“What medicine would you recommend?”), rest (“Let's go to the mountains for the weekend?”), relationships (“Well, have you made peace?”), etc. It seems that this is enough for a full-fledged friendship.

If a friend suddenly commits some unpredictable act - quits a career, skydives, moves to another country - a sediment immediately appears in the relationship.

Feeling "betrayed," be honest about the last time you asked your friends about their dreams and problems.

Another misconception has to do with the statute of limitations for friendship. It is easier to bombard a stranger with philosophical questions than to inquire about a friend's innermost desires. You will easily remember your biggest fear or your most ridiculous fantasy, and now try to answer these same questions for a friend. Often this is not so easy.

And finally, the toxicity of friendship. You can often hear that friendships have stopped after success in work or personal life, people do not communicate because of envy.

If this is the real reason for the discord, maybe there never was a friendship. You were just in a toxic relationship where one person takes advantage of the other under the guise of friendship.

But there is another side of the coin: having achieved success, you yourself can become toxic. To do this, it is enough to talk only about yourself or try to teach based on personal experience. But you can just ask a friend questions to find out his goals and intentions. Often, friends try to talk about sore issues, but with your inattention or jokes, you push the conversation into the background.

Don't feel bad if you don't know your friends completely. Talk, and perhaps your world will turn upside down, but it will definitely fall back into place. But remember, when asking questions, be prepared to hear and accept any candid answers. Even if they go against your beliefs. And be prepared to open up yourself.

Funny and interesting questions for friends

To study friends, close and not so, it is not at all necessary to arrange an interrogation with passion or go to a desert island in order to communicate without interference.

One can have an interesting time fantasizing about the future or discussing plans and dreams.

Questions to get to know your friends better

Don't ask questions to friends in a hurry or just for show. Find a time when you don't have to rush. You can always ask:

  1. Imagine that the salary and the prestige of the profession are not important. What would you do?
  2. You are on a big stage, a crowd of thousands is listening attentively. What do you say?
  3. What is your biggest motivation?
  4. What can demotivate you?
  5. How much money do you need to be happy? (answers "million" and "million millions" are not accepted).
  6. If anyone in the history of Earth could be your personal advisor, who would you choose?
  7. You went on vacation for a whole year, you are healthy and well off, what will you do?
  8. In which era would you be the most successful?
  9. And at what time would you exactly become the main oppositionist?
  10. What invention would you like to be the author of? (including those that already exist).

You can do a quick survey, but a detailed discussion of the answers will help to better understand the goals of friends. Maybe your friend dreamed of becoming a photographer or inventing the Sacher cake, but in reality he works in a law office, weeding garden beds on the weekends. It's up to you to help.

Of course, you shouldn't call for revolutionary actions: quit your job or sell your dacha. No one has the right to make such a choice for anyone else. But you can go to a photo exhibition together, take part in a photo challenge, or give a certificate for a culinary master class.

A separate category is psychological issues. With their help, you can try to comprehend the secrets of personality. The main thing to remember is that there are no “wrong” answers:

  1. What goals and traits do you think unite us?
  2. What can push us away, how are we different?
  3. Why would you break the law?
  4. Most joyful experience in life?
  5. And the most negative one?
  6. An act after which you can be forever disappointed in a person?
  7. One day they want to immortalize your image, what will it be? (painting, sculpture, other; describe in more detail)
  8. A childhood dream that has already come true?
  9. What else needs to be done?
  10. What was your biggest fear as a child?

Often such questions provoke non-verbal activity of the interlocutor. Pay attention to facial expressions and body language of friends. A person begins to unconsciously rub his nose, pull at his earlobe, wring his fingers or close, crossing his arms and legs. Whatever mystery these gestures carry, one thing is clear - the question touched the interlocutor to the quick, and the answer will be extremely serious and deliberate.

To find a lot in common, you need to ask more questions about friendship. So you can make sure that you have a like-minded person who will always support you.

Sometimes you don't want to plunge into a philosophical slump. The mood is seething and requires the most explosive exit. It's time for the joke questions. Joint reflections on them allow you to laugh heartily, create a new meme understandable only in your company and, of course, provide an incredible immersive effect:

  1. You are a superhero, what is your superpower?
  2. Like every superhero you have a weak spot. Will you tell?
  3. What kind of alcohol would you be? Why?
  4. Great, what kind of vehicle are you?
  5. Imagine that you are Japanese (Spanish, Polish), what is your name?
  6. You are from another planet, its inhabitants differ from earthlings only in three features. What?
  7. I'm a wizard, one click of my fingers and you're now a member of the opposite sex. What are the first three things you will do?
  8. What animal language would you like to understand?
  9. Describe yourself as if it were a trailer for a thriller (epic saga, teen comedy).
  10. If you were Golum, what "treasure" and "charm" would you protect?

Be prepared for unexpected answers. Try to read between the lines. If a friend wants to become invisible, freeze the boss, turn into a bottle of champagne, because a cork can kill, just right to move a friend on an unscheduled vacation.

A person who is tired of other people's looks will prefer to protect his peace (even if the eternal soul of the company says this), and the presence of two hearts, golden skin and an aura of spotlights suggests thoughts of an outward desire to be realized.

Personal questions for friends

Don't be offended if a friend chooses to laugh it off, sometimes it's a little scary to talk about the most personal things:

  1. What are three facts about you that no one knows, not even me?
  2. Will your child (future or present) be better than you? In what?
  3. Are you capable of treason, provided that no one ever finds out about it?
  4. If you could live forever giving other people's lives in return, would you do it?
  5. Describe your life in one word. Why this particular word?
  6. The strangest thing in your life?
  7. If only one mistake could be corrected in the past, would you correct something?
  8. And if you could say something, but only to one person. What kind of conversation would that be?
  9. Who do you want to call first when you are happy (upset)?
  10. If you had ten hours to live, what would you do? And if the same amount is allotted to all mankind?

If the answer turned out to be shockingly frank, naked, penetrating all the nerve cells, support your friend, now he needs just that.

Questions for partners

If you are not the first day together, ask any of the already suggested categories of questions. Be honest, do not hesitate to ask directly about the most intimate areas of life.

Many couples break up precisely because of disagreements.

Awkwardness in discussing sex life, desire to have a child, or attitudes towards mutual friends and relatives have destroyed more couples and families than infidelity.

If you are just planning to start a relationship and are still looking at a possible partner, start with specific questions. This will help you find similar interests:

  1. Do you prefer books or movies? Park or club? Active holiday or sun lounger with a cocktail?
  2. Can you tell me about your hobby?
  3. Where do you work (study)? Does this look like your dream?
  4. How do you feel about bad habits? What is your most harmful habit?
  5. Describe your ideal day off?
  6. What kind of cuisine do you prefer? Can we cook pasta together? (any other dish)
  7. Where would you like to go on the planet?
  8. What kind of music do you listen to?
  9. Would you call yourself a fan? What?
  10. Do you have an animal? You look like?

Singing the same tunes, eating pizza and laughing at each other's jokes is a great start.

Every minute you get closer, discovering new facets of your partner. Now you can philosophize:

  1. What are you most proud of?
  2. What can instantly improve your mood?
  3. And what can ruin it in an instant?
  4. Do you want to change something in yourself? And in me?
  5. What is more important for you - family or career?
  6. Who knows everything about you?
  7. How do you spend your time when no one sees you?
  8. What is taboo for you?
  9. What was the most memorable piece of advice in your life?
  10. If you could, what would be different in this world?

Watch the interlocutor - if the partner does not want to develop some topic, stop asking questions. Perhaps this is a sore point or the time for its discussion has not yet come.

In the midst of flirting, questions on the verge of a foul will do. Ask them if you are sure that the interlocutor does not mind discussing "hot" topics:

  1. What parts of the partner's body are the most sexual?
  2. What is the sexiest thing about you?
  3. Is sex important in a relationship?
  4. What can make you blush easily?
  5. How do you feel about adult games?
  6. Which famous person is your ideal man/woman? In all senses?
  7. Do you prefer good or bad boys/girls?
  8. Do you like to experiment?
  9. The most sensual outfit?
  10. What causes an electric current on your skin?

Don't try to impress with below the belt questions ("Are you moving well, will you strip?"/"Tell me about your dirtiest adventure?"). Such phrases from unfamiliar people rarely cause sympathy. Feel free to exclude “brilliant novelty” phrases (“Does your mother need a son-in-law?” / “Where does such a beautiful (th) come from?”).


Learn more