Psychology book about relationships
4 Psychologist-Recommended Books on Relationships
Some people dismiss self-help books as drivel or a collection of common sense advice that they already know. But there are many books that offer valuable insight into improving one’s life. You just have to know which ones to pick up.
That’s where a psychologist can come in handy.
Below, several couples therapists share their top-rated books on relationships. Regardless of the state of your relationship, you just might find many kernels of wisdom in these resources.
1. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson.
According to clinical psychologist Lisa Blum, “Hold Me Tight is one of the best books I can recommend for couples because it is a powerful antidote to the pain, distress and hopelessness that so many couples feel.”
The book is based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which clinical psychologist and researcher Sue Johnson founded. Blum, who also specializes in EFT, explained that “The book outlines several stages of healing work that couples can do together, in the privacy of their own home and at their own pace—called the ‘seven conversations’—that are truly effective, if both partners allow themselves to fully engage in the process. ”
She added that the book “takes some very rich theory and research about how human beings are wired for close connection and attachment with each other, and translates it into easy-to-follow chapters and exercises that have the goal of resolving long-standing hurts between partners and helping them to feel close, safe, and ‘held’ by their most intimate partner.”
You can learn more about Sue Johnson and her work here.
2. Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg.
This is one of clinical psychologist Robert Solley’s top picks (his other pick is Hold Me Tight). Non-Violent Communication teaches readers how to communicate and resolve conflicts peacefully and productively.
He said that “anyone who feels they’re struggling in their relationship —and it only takes one partner feeling this way to count—will find [this] helpful as [a] framework.” As Solley writes on his website, this book is “clear, easy to read, well organized, and describes a great way to minimize judgment and blaming, and get to the underlying feelings and needs that really matter.
” He also features a list of recommended resources on his website.
You can learn more about nonviolent communication and Marshall B. Rosenberg here.
3. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix.
Clinical psychologist Ryan Howes called this book “profoundly insightful and transformative.” As he said, “The old axiom ‘you married your mother’ is just the tip of the iceberg.” (Sounds interesting, right!)
Specifically, in Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix, a couples counselor, introduces Imago Relationship Therapy, which he created based on a variety of disciplines, such as cognitive therapy, Gestalt therapy and depth psychology.
You can learn more about Harville Hendrix and Imago Relationship Therapy here.
4. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver.
Howes said that this book, which “examines the science of relationships,” is perfect for people “who value research, reason and practical advice.
” John Gottman is a world-renowned marriage researcher and clinical psychologist.
In Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman and co-author Silver dispel common myths about divorce and illuminate what it means to have a happy marriage—information based on Gottman’s years of research. “Many are shocked to find how often science disagrees with conventional wisdom,” Howes said.
You can learn more about John Gottman’s work here.
What are your favorite resources on relationships? If you’ve read any of the above books, what did you think?
4 Psychologist-Recommended Books on Relationships
Some people dismiss self-help books as drivel or a collection of common sense advice that they already know. But there are many books that offer valuable insight into improving one’s life. You just have to know which ones to pick up.
That’s where a psychologist can come in handy.
Below, several couples therapists share their top-rated books on relationships.
Regardless of the state of your relationship, you just might find many kernels of wisdom in these resources.
1. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson.
According to clinical psychologist Lisa Blum, “Hold Me Tight is one of the best books I can recommend for couples because it is a powerful antidote to the pain, distress and hopelessness that so many couples feel.”
The book is based on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which clinical psychologist and researcher Sue Johnson founded. Blum, who also specializes in EFT, explained that “The book outlines several stages of healing work that couples can do together, in the privacy of their own home and at their own pace—called the ‘seven conversations’—that are truly effective, if both partners allow themselves to fully engage in the process.”
She added that the book “takes some very rich theory and research about how human beings are wired for close connection and attachment with each other, and translates it into easy-to-follow chapters and exercises that have the goal of resolving long-standing hurts between partners and helping them to feel close, safe, and ‘held’ by their most intimate partner.
”
You can learn more about Sue Johnson and her work here.
2. Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg.
This is one of clinical psychologist Robert Solley’s top picks (his other pick is Hold Me Tight). Non-Violent Communication teaches readers how to communicate and resolve conflicts peacefully and productively.
He said that “anyone who feels they’re struggling in their relationship —and it only takes one partner feeling this way to count—will find [this] helpful as [a] framework.” As Solley writes on his website, this book is “clear, easy to read, well organized, and describes a great way to minimize judgment and blaming, and get to the underlying feelings and needs that really matter.” He also features a list of recommended resources on his website.
You can learn more about nonviolent communication and Marshall B. Rosenberg here.
3. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix.
Clinical psychologist Ryan Howes called this book “profoundly insightful and transformative.” As he said, “The old axiom ‘you married your mother’ is just the tip of the iceberg.” (Sounds interesting, right!)
Specifically, in Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix, a couples counselor, introduces Imago Relationship Therapy, which he created based on a variety of disciplines, such as cognitive therapy, Gestalt therapy and depth psychology.
You can learn more about Harville Hendrix and Imago Relationship Therapy here.
4. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver.
Howes said that this book, which “examines the science of relationships,” is perfect for people “who value research, reason and practical advice.” John Gottman is a world-renowned marriage researcher and clinical psychologist.
In Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman and co-author Silver dispel common myths about divorce and illuminate what it means to have a happy marriage—information based on Gottman’s years of research.
“Many are shocked to find how often science disagrees with conventional wisdom,” Howes said.
You can learn more about John Gottman’s work here.
What are your favorite resources on relationships? If you’ve read any of the above books, what did you think?
Top 10 books about relationships and love
Anna Alymova, psychologist, editor of the blog about psychotherapy, specialist in the Alter psychologist selection service
Sue Johnson. "Hug me tight"
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M: Mann, Ivanov & Ferber, 2018
Sue Johnson is one of the founders of Emotionally Focused Therapy. This direction of therapy helps to build a secure attachment and intimacy in a couple. Johnson herself compared it to a pair dance. nine0003
Most often, relationships deteriorate because people reproduce destructive scenarios. For example, during a quarrel, one of the partners pulls away, wants to be alone with himself and think about everything, while the other at this moment feels abandoned.
From the feeling of abandonment, resentment and fear for the relationship deepens. I want to "catch up" with a partner, to reach out to him. This only increases the misunderstanding, which provokes a new quarrel - the cycle closes, the scenario can be repeated from time to time.
"Hold Me Tight" is a guide on how to recognize and deal with such scenarios. This is the foundation for building healthy relationships to start with. nine0003
"Hug me tight." Sue Johnson
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Marina Travkova. “Infidelity”
M: “Bombora”, 2021
You can get completely different answers to the question about attitudes towards cheating. Someone will say that betrayal is a betrayal that cannot be forgiven. Someone - that everyone changes, just some do not hide it carefully enough. There is a position “men are polygamous and women are monogamous”. Who is right?
Sex therapist Marina Travkova explains why cheating happens, despite the fact that it can cause pain and destroy relationships.
How both partners often unknowingly invest in cheating. And, finally, what to do if you stumbled upon your husband’s erotic correspondence or you were told bare facts in the forehead. nine0003
"Infidelity". Marina Travkova
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Amir Levin. "Fit for each other"
M: "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2020
Do you like the scientific approach to relationships? Then you will love this book! It draws on attachment theory developed by the psychoanalyst John Bowlby.
Attachment is formed between a child and a parent (or guardian) in the first years of life. How this happens determines all our future relationships. Bowlby identified three types of attachment:
- Reliable
This is a healthy type of attachment that occurs when a child feels secure from the first years of life. He trusts the parent and is not afraid of the world. In relationships, securely attached people build intimacy calmly, don't fear rejection, and don't try to overly control their partner.
— Avoidant
From the outside it seems that these people do not need relationships at all - they are so self-sufficient and cold. In childhood, they may have suffered from overprotection or misunderstanding on the part of the parent, so closeness for them is associated with insecurity. nine0003
— Anxious
Intolerance to loneliness, jealousy, self-doubt are signs of an anxious type of attachment. It is formed if a person has experienced the loss of parents, separation from them or lack of attention.
Matching Together helps you identify your relationship patterns and (if you wish) change them.
"We match each other." Amir Levin
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Berry and Janey Weinhold. "Liberation from codependency"
M: "Klass", 2002
Initially, psychologists understood codependency as only a relationship with a person suffering from addiction - alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction. The term is now used more broadly and applied to relationships in which people give up their own needs and focus entirely on the other person.
But this does not benefit anyone, but only destroys both.
Many people think that codependency is incurable. The authors of this book, using practical examples, show that this is not so. If you analyze the reasons for the formation of codependency, as well as systematically change the model of behavior, you can learn to build completely different relationships. nine0003
Breaking Free from Codependency is a set of specific instructions and tests to help track progress. In addition, the book contains stories from the psychological practice of the authors: what requests did clients make to them, how was the therapy going, and what was achieved.
"Release from codependency". Berry Weinhold, Janey Weinhold
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Daniel Wile. After the Honeymoon
M: Alpina Publisher, 2017
This book is not just for couples. It is dedicated to that period in a relationship when bright love subsided and we see each other with all the shortcomings, the difference in habits and interests.
If you notice that after a couple of years the relationship ceases to please, it's not that no one is right for you. It can be fixed. nine0003
It is commonly believed that an ideal marriage is when you do not quarrel, understand each other perfectly and always agree on everything. But often the couples who make that impression are the ones who suffer the most. In intimacy between two people, conflicts inevitably arise. And this is not bad - they give us a chance to better understand each other. It is during difficult periods that the deepest intimacy is built in a couple, which should replace falling in love, says Daniel Wyle.
"After the honeymoon". Daniel Wyle
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Esther Perel. Always Welcome
M: Mann, Ivanov & Ferber, 2020
Psychotherapist Esther Perel explores the topic of sex in long-term relationships. Always Desirable is a reissue of her bestselling book Captive Breeding. How to reconcile eroticism and everyday life.
We are looking for a relationship of trust, stability and intimacy. And when we get it, we get bored. It is boredom and predictability that most often lead to betrayal - you want not just physical intimacy, but novelty and intrigue. nine0003
Esther Perel came to the conclusion that sexual desire requires distance between partners. Interest flares up when we look at a person as if from afar. And it is very difficult to constantly want someone whom you know from beginning to end, whom you see every day, with whom you will definitely fall asleep and wake up the next morning. And also life, household duties, raising children.
The problem seems to have no solution: after all, if desire requires distance, then what about the intimacy and comfort of partnerships? Perel found the secret of how to keep wanting each other, even in long-term relationships, avoiding sexual boredom and cheating. nine0003
Always welcome. Esther Perel
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Carl Rogers.
Marriage and Its Alternatives M: Eterna, 2006
Carl Rogers is the founder of client-centered therapy. This direction was a real breakthrough in psychotherapy: it put the client and the therapist on an equal footing, based on humanistic values and the belief that each person can change for the better.
"Marriage and Its Alternatives" - Rogers' discussion of love and relationships. There are no instructions, tips and radical point of view of the author. But there are many stories of different couples with whom Rogers worked. He analyzes all cases with his characteristic love for people and unconditional acceptance. Practical examples help to look at the development of relations from the outside and understand what destroys them, and what, on the contrary, strengthens them. nine0003
Marriage and its alternatives. Carl Rogers
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Harvill Hendrix, Helen Hunt. "Love for Life"
M: "Mann, Ivanov and Ferber", 2020
The authors of this book are a married couple of psychologists.
Both already had an unsuccessful marriage behind them, which made me wonder: why even good, love-filled relationships are often destroyed?
Initially, it seems that “the love boat has crashed into everyday life”: people are immersed in household chores, their habits do not converge, and they begin to conflict. But Hendrix and Hunt came to the conclusion that more fundamental problems lie behind domestic quarrels. In relationships with a partner, we reproduce the patterns that we saw in childhood, even if they were destructive and painful. It's the only love we've learned. nine0003
In order to help couples change their core beliefs, the authors came up with imagotherapy. It is based on dialogue. By talking and discussing your relationship with your partner, you gain positive experience and gradually change the usual pattern. This helps to come to a conscious partnership - this is how the authors call an open and healthy type of relationship.
The book contains examples from therapeutic practice and exercises that can be done together with a partner.
"Love for life". Harville Hendrix, Helen Hunt
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John Gottman. The 7 Principles for a Happy Marriage
M: AUDR, 2018
Love concrete charts and instructions backed by science? They also exist in the realm of relationships. The clear proof is the work of John Gottman, who claims to be able to predict the future of a couple by observing them for a few minutes.
Gottman worked with various families for several years, meeting with them once a year, conducting interviews and measuring physiological parameters. Based on this data, he deduced seven factors that help maintain a long happy marriage. He put emotional intelligence at the forefront - the ability to understand one's own and other people's emotions, share them, and express one's feelings for each other. nine0003
"7 principles of a happy marriage". John Gottman
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Gary Chapman. "5 Love Languages"
M: "Visson", 2010
Imagine a couple experiencing relationship problems: both claim that the partner does not love them.
She says: “He is always at work, sometimes on business trips. Yes, it's all for our well-being. But what is the use of this when you need a person just to be there? He replies: “I do everything so that she doesn’t need anything, and I don’t feel any reciprocal support at all.” The problem is that they have different "love languages". nine0003
According to Gary Chapman, love has five manifestations:
- gifts;
- words;
- time spent together;
- help;
- touch.
By sharing this, we feel and express love. If the languages do not match, you can love your partner very much - but he will not feel it at all.
The good news is that the book simply and clearly explains how to start a conversation about problems, get to know each other better and reach a new level of understanding. Suitable even for those who do not like psychology and do not want to understand it. nine0003
"5 love languages". Gary Chapman
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Tags: psychology , relationship , books
Books Psychology of relationships: paper, electronic and audio books
Books devoted to the psychology of relationships contain publications with practical recommendations on how to attract worthy men, be loving and loved, create a strong family and find harmony in family relationships. The authors, including Allan and Barbara Pease, Steve Harvey, Alex Leslie, Oleg Roy, Mila Levchuk, Julia Lanske, Helen Andelin, Simon Oakes, write about the peculiarities of the perception of the same things and phenomena by men and women, help to understand these features learn to apply techniques and techniques in life to work on a happy personal life and self-confidence.
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Creating a harmonious marital union requires effort and knowledge of how to build interaction between husband and wife and at the same time not "enter someone else's territory", allow everyone to remain themselves and maintain warm relationships, taking into account personal qualities, properties, views and preferences. An important role in this is played by the moment of acquaintance, which is given special attention. You will learn where and how to look for the right man, how to behave on the first and subsequent dates, what to remember when dating online. nine0003
Issues of attachment, love and trust are dealt with especially closely in the editions of the "Change Life" series.
This is a branch of psychological knowledge that studies the interaction of people in different spheres of life. Within the framework of science, research is carried out on interpersonal, family, social, business and other types of relationships.
Each person is individual: he has his own character and temperament, certain conditions of development, upbringing and education - all this affects his interaction with others.
To make it as effective as possible, scientists specially develop recommendations, practical tips, techniques and methods that allow you to establish contacts with any people. nine0003
Within the framework of scientific knowledge, studies of human behavior in various life situations, his reactions to the actions of others, the perception of non-verbal signals, the ability to understand and empathize with the interlocutor are carried out. By studying literature on the topic, you can learn to know others and yourself, build strong relationships with a partner, achieve comfort in communication, hear and listen to others, correctly convey your thoughts and feelings.
The best books on the psychology of relationships
Sexual relations do not lose their relevance against the background of other problems in modern society. Why are we so different, how to see love, how to be happy in a couple - these questions are asked by representatives of each generation.
To find answers to them, or at least understand the direction of action, the literature on the psychology of relationships will help.
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray
A classic manual by an American family psychologist and sex therapist, which has already become a kind of bible of interpersonal communication. Translated into 15 languages of the world, the title itself tells the reader how big the gap between us is and how much work is required to find a common language. On real everyday situations, readers will be able to see how the perception of different sexes differs in the same conditions, to understand that you need to act here and now in order to change your life for the better. nine0003
"You don't know anything about men" by Steve Harvey
The master of psychology honestly lays out all the cards of the stronger sex in front of a female audience.
How to communicate with him at 20 and 50, why a mistress is inevitable, and bachelors do not want to get married, how to carry passion and fire through the years they have lived together? Harvey talks about all this and advises reading his research not only to young girls, but also to mature readers.
Promising is not getting married by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Another relationship does not work out, but does your girlfriend annoy you with the number of suitors? The authors will prove that this is not the end. How to open your eyes wide and stop spraying on the wrong people, how to open your heart to true love and meet someone who will make the world sparkle with colors - you will learn all this from this publication.
“The language of relationships. (Man - woman)» A. and B. Pease
The family of writers easily and clearly talks about the differences in male and female thinking. How to understand a partner, correctly interpret his words and actions and maintain harmony in the family - readers will learn all this from this masterpiece.
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"Guide for men" Belle de Jour
A small pocket guide with light sparkling humor is dedicated to the stronger sex, the rules of communication and behavior with it. Inexperienced girls and wives with experience will learn a lot of interesting things here, and the heroes will recognize themselves in the stories described.
"Paradox of passion: she loves him, but he doesn't love her" Dean K. Delis and K. Phillips.
Anyone who has ever been in love will find himself in these stories. The authors describe in detail the stages of development of relations, emerging difficulties and ways to resolve them. Proven over the years and thousands of couples, the steps and techniques will help revive romance and refresh married life, even if it has become commonplace. nine0003
Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages
Marriage Counselor and Ph.D. has outlined basic, simple techniques to help you express your feelings for your loved one.
The book caused a lot of noise with its appearance and taught hundreds of thousands of happy married couples to love and be loved.
“Man and woman. How to understand each other” Vadim Korotkiy
“I didn't marry someone like that” or “I married someone else” — these words are often heard in quarrels between families with little experience. A practicing psychologist is sure that a divorce in this situation is far from the best solution, because ideal people do not exist, and next time you may encounter the same difficulties. The literary work describes in detail the features of the male and female view of the world, teaches them to compromise and warns young couples against future mistakes. nine0003
“About Women: Contact with Women's Spiritual Power” Osho
The book of the writer and philosopher, which Internet users have long dismantled for quotes. He writes that the fair sex must first be loved, and only then understood.
