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Partner with bipolar


Bipolar Relationships: What to Expect

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Ups and downs are natural in any romantic relationship, but when your partner has bipolar disorder it can feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. Not knowing what to expect each day is stressful and tiring. Over time, it wears on the relationship.

Understanding why your partner acts out sometimes or becomes withdrawn is the first supportive step you can take in strengthening your relationship. Learn exactly what a bipolar diagnosis means, how it could affect your partner’s behavior and what you can do to foster a healthy, stable relationship.

What does it mean if your partner is bipolar?

Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition marked by intense mood changes. People with the illness switch back and forth from mania or hypomania (an emotional state of being energetic and gleeful or sometimes aggressive or delusional) to having episodes of depression.

The lifelong condition tends to run in families, although the cause of bipolar disease is unknown. However, it can often be successfully managed through treatment. There are two primary types of bipolar disorder:

Bipolar 1

Bipolar 1 is a more severe form of the illness and is defined by manic episodes that have one of these characteristics:

  • Hallucinations, delusions or paranoia
  • Hospitalization required for safety
  • Impulsive behavior with significant consequences

“When people are manic, they pursue pleasurable activities with great enthusiasm and with no regard for the consequences,” says Jennifer Payne, M.D., psychiatrist and director of the Women’s Mood Disorders Center at Johns Hopkins Medicine. “They may gamble, spend excessive amounts of money, use drugs or become promiscuous.”

Bipolar 2

People with bipolar 2 experience hypomanic episodes, which still include out-of-character behavior but aren’t as extreme as those with bipolar 1. Hypomanic episodes may include:

  • Increased energy and drive.
  • Rapid speech.
  • Decreased need for sleep.

“During hypomanic episodes, a partner with bipolar 2 may obsessively pursue sex with you or others,” says Payne. “They may stay up all night and have lots of wonderful ideas they want to tell you about at 3 a.m.”

Treatment Challenges

Bipolar disorder is usually treated with a combination of medications and therapy. However, successful treatment can be a challenge since many people miss the euphoria and energy of manic episodes.

Often people with bipolar disorder view these elevated mood states as their best selves — when they’re the most productive or creative — and will stop treatment in order to experience that again. Sometimes those with bipolar disorder will even intentionally trigger a manic episode.

“Lack of sleep is a trigger of manic episodes for a lot of people,” says Payne. “Sometimes patients with bipolar disorder will deliberately skip getting the sleep they need in order to initiate an elevated mood state. For example, a person might want the high energy that comes with a manic episode to get a project done.”

The key to your partner’s successful management of the illness is a commitment to continuing treatment and ongoing communication with their psychiatrist. This can take place at therapy sessions, during regular checkups or whenever necessary to discuss troubling symptoms.

Many people with bipolar 1 do well on lithium, a mood-stabilizing drug. Those with bipolar 2 may not fully respond to medications often used to treat bipolar disorder. If that’s the case for your partner, it’s important for them to continue to work with their psychiatrist to find an effective treatment.

Being in a Relationship with Someone Who Is Bipolar

There are certainly challenges in any romantic relationship, but bipolar disorder can make things especially difficult in various aspects of life:

Intimacy

It’s common for people with bipolar disorder to desire frequent sex during manic or hypomanic phases. Your partner may initiate intimacy much more than normal, or masturbate or use pornography more frequently than usual. Those with bipolar disorder may also engage in risky behaviors such as unprotected sex or extramarital affairs while manic.

During episodes of depression, your partner may avoid sexual contact altogether. This can be confusing or feel like rejection, especially if your partner recently desired lots of sexual activity during a manic or hypomanic period. Many medications for bipolar disorder can also lower sex drive.

Work

Your partner’s ability to perform well at work can be affected by bipolar disorder. Severe mood swings, along with manic symptoms such as poor judgement and impulsivity, or depressive symptoms such as low energy and disinterest make it tough to find and maintain a job. Stressors at work may also trigger or exacerbate your partner’s symptoms. If your partner can’t hold down a job, this could put more pressure on you to provide financial support until their illness is well-managed.

Parenting

Many people consider parenting the most stressful (albeit rewarding) job of their lives. But any kind of stressor — good or bad — has potential to trigger manic or depressive episodes for people with bipolar disorder.

In addition, the erratic behavior associated with bipolar disorder can be confusing and scary to children, who look to parents to provide stability. Helping your partner get and maintain treatment to control symptoms is crucial for providing a safe and secure home for children.

How to Make a Bipolar Relationship Work

It takes effort to keep any relationship strong, but it can be especially challenging when your partner has bipolar disorder. Payne offers these recommendations:

Go to Couples Counseling

Couples counseling is essential for working through upset over a bipolar partner’s actions. It’s common for someone with bipolar disorder to hurt and offend their partner. When someone is first diagnosed, there are often relationship issues that need to be addressed. Couples counseling can help you:

  • Understand that there’s an illness involved in the hurtful behavior.
  • Forgive the behavior that happened during an altered mood state.
  • Set boundaries with a partner about maintaining treatment.

Get Involved with Treatment

Ask if you can be involved with your partner’s treatment, which may include occasionally going to the psychiatrist together. Being a part of your partner’s treatment has multiple benefits, including:

  • Gaining a better understanding of the illness.
  • Providing additional insight for the psychiatrist.
  • Learning to spot signs of impending episodes.
  • Alerting the psychiatrist about mood changes.

Even if your partner hasn’t signed off on you exchanging information with their psychiatrist, you can still report worrisome signs (the doctor just won’t be able to tell you anything). This gives the doctor a chance to make quick medication changes that may help your partner avoid being hospitalized.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care gets a lot of buzz these days, but nowhere is it more important than when you’re caring for someone with a serious illness such as bipolar disorder. It’s essential to dedicate time to your own physical and mental health, whether that’s going to a support group, talking to a therapist or attending a yoga class.

Being in a healthy relationship with someone with bipolar disorder requires not only careful management of their illness, but also setting aside time to take good care of yourself.

Bipolar Disorder: 8 Relationship Tips for Married Couples

Tiffany Romito, 37, and her husband Mike, 41, were looking forward to hosting a party on Christmas Day for their friends and family this past year. But as their four kids were unwrapping their last gifts on Christmas morning, Tiffany — who has bipolar disorder — started to get anxious about the mess the wrapping paper was making, and everything she still needed to do to get ready for the party.

As her stress level rose, her patience evaporated, and she began to snap at her husband and kids.

After years of marriage, Tiffany and Mike had a system for handling the situation. Mike suggested that Tiffany spend a bit of time in a space she’s created for herself in their basement bedroom while he cleaned up the wrapping and toys with the kids and began party prep. Tiffany headed downstairs to the couple’s bedroom for some time on her own to relax.

Tiffany has made their bedroom a sanctuary to use when she needs to. She keeps it uncluttered, and stocks it with comfortable blankets, essential oils, and candles to help her relax. She uses the space to pray, meditate, practice yoga, and reflect in order to de-stress, and sometimes will also take a shower as part of her routine.

Tiffany was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about the time she and Mike met. In the eight years they’ve been married, they’ve worked together to troubleshoot how to anticipate conflict and strained moments, such as their Christmas morning experience, that can trigger Tiffany’s symptoms, and try to avert them.

Bipolar disorder can pose some extra challenges in marriage. Indeed, this mental health condition is associated with lower odds of ever marrying, as well as marriages that end in divorce more quickly, according to a review of studies on marriage and mental health conditions published in the July–December 2017 issue of the Industrial Psychiatry Journal.

But “for a marriage, bipolar disorder doesn’t have to be a limiting factor,” says Gregory Nawalanic, PsyD, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Kansas Medical Center in Kansas City, and the clinical director of psychology services at the University of Kansas Health System's Strawberry Hill Campus. Dr. Nawalanic treats patients with bipolar disorder.

And even though there will be challenges, “that’s true of every marriage,” Nawalanic adds.

Tiffany and Mike say they’re constantly refining their strategies. But here are some tips that have worked for them.

1. Communicate — Even When Things Are Going Well

Talking to one another about ways to problem-solve when issues come up, especially during periods of stability, is critical, say Tiffany and Mike.

Nawalanic agrees. “That lays the groundwork and expectations for what is mutually agreed upon as acceptable and helpful in moments when things escalate,” he says.

A good example, Nawalanic says: If one spouse decides they need some brief alone time when a partner is having symptoms, as Tiffany did Christmas morning, a prior conversation about that choice can help the other spouse know it’s a coping strategy rather than an unexplained withdrawal.

Safety does come first, though, says Nawalanic. For instance, if one partner is concerned that the other could harm themselves during a manic or depressive episode, “that should take precedence over the agreed-upon retreat,” says Nawalanic.

2. Know Your Partner’s Signs and Triggers

Nawalanic says knowing what the start of a mood episode looks like may help prevent it or allow you to get help early.

A depressive episode may have symptoms including depressed mood, feelings of sadness and hopelessness, loss of interest and pleasure in normal activities, insomnia or oversleeping, changes in appetite, and suicidal thoughts or actions, according to the Mayo Clinic.

For a manic or hypomanic episode, symptoms may include feeling abnormally upbeat, jumpy, or wired, increased energy or agitation, exaggerated sense of self-confidence, decreased need for sleep, increased talkativeness, racing thoughts, and impulsive or risky decision-making, say Mayo Clinic experts.

The most important thing, says Mike, is to know what your partner’s triggers are and to try to put yourself in their headspace so you can understand the situation and help them. “If you see a trigger that could lead to an episode, then it’s important to think of something that makes you uncomfortable — say, flying or being in an elevator — try to understand what your partner is going through at that moment. Doing that lets you better help them in the situation,” says Mike.

Nawalanic says couples might even consider a word to use — say, “mistletoe” — to indicate they think their partner might be headed for an episode and to show their love and support, even though they may have to take some actions to protect their spouse.

3. Give Each Other Space

“It can be hard to put the other person first, or be the best version of ourselves,” says Nawalanic. “Sometimes each person in a couple, both with and without bipolar disorder, needs space where we can refill our personal emotional tank.”

Tiffany meditates and does yoga when she’s feeling stressed by a manic episode, and Mike knows to let her have some time alone and looks after the kids at these times.

And he also has a hobby and a space he can retreat to. He plays video games, especially when feeling stressed, which he finds relaxing. They try to end their “on their own time” with some conversation about why they needed time alone.

For example, on Christmas day after Tiffany spent time on her own, Mike went down to talk with her after a little while. Tiffany says that “having Mike come down in a peaceful, nonconfrontational way allowed us to have a meaningful conversation.”

4. Remember That It’s the Bipolar Disorder, Not the Person

Remember that bipolar disorder is not a choice for your loved one, Nawalanic says. If your spouse is having a mood episode, it’s important to work against the symptoms rather than the person.

When episodes occur, says Mike, “I remind myself that it’s not my wife, whom I love, who is acting this way, it’s the disorder that is taking over in the moment. Being patient and being conscious of what is happening and why helps us both then.”

That patience also requires realizing that hurtful words can also be part of the disorder. Mike says Tiffany can say things that are hurtful during a manic episode “but the worst thing I can do is to reciprocate, to say hurtful things as well, or start yelling back.”

5. Take Time for the Two of You

Mike and Tiffany plan a date night at least once a month as a couple, sans kids. “Every couple has issues they deal with and deserves the joyous times of marriage as well,” Nawalanic says.

6. Learn as Much About Bipolar Disorder as You Can

Tiffany and Mike say they did their research, finding resources online about bipolar disorder so they would understand what was happening, treatment options, and how to handle situations. Nawalanic agrees, saying that seeking out information together as a couple can be a powerful way to get everyone on the same page.

7. Plan in Advance How You’ll Talk About Medication

If a spouse with bipolar disorder suddenly has symptoms, their partner might understandably want to ask if they took their medication. But that might sound accusatory to the partner having the symptoms. “It’s a hard question to hear,” says Tiffany, which is why how it’s asked is so important. “You don’t want to be made to feel irresponsible.”

“I’ve learned to ask in a tone that says I’m concerned and not frustrated, such as ‘Was there something that kept you from taking your medicine today?” says Mike.

This is another example of an important conversation to have when moods are stable, says Nawalanic. He adds that even using a predecided code word or phrase — like, “Did Sally come over today?” — can help establish that you are concerned, rather than judgmental.

8. Have a Plan for Emergencies

Nawalanic says it’s critical to discuss what you’ll do during a serious episode, whether it's simply being there for support, calling a physician, or even initiating a hospitalization. After the episode the couple should have a conversation about what happened and why.

Mike and Tiffany’s own plan for emergencies: If the situation escalates to a concern for Tiffany or anyone else in their family, Mike steps in to handle it, says Tiffany. “From calling the doctor to heading to the hospital if he thought that was necessary, we’ve developed that level of trust,” Tiffany says.

Tiffany and Mike make it a point to “reconnect” after an episode and talk about what happened, how each of them felt, and what else they might add to the plan, if needed.

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People with bipolar disorder tell how to properly support them

March 30 is celebrated as Bipolar Day around the world. With this disease, it is important to monitor mood changes, which can be difficult to do alone. The founder of the Bipolar Association, Masha Pushkina, has collected stories of people who are helped by treatment partners.

At the initiative of public organizations bringing together scientists, doctors and activists, every year on March 30, World Bipolar Day is celebrated. The date chosen was the birthday of Vincent van Gogh, an artist who, according to researchers, was the embodiment of a "bipolar genius."

With bipolar disorder, a person lives either in a state of high emotional uplift and excitement (mania), or in depression. According to world statistics, about 2% of people suffer from bipolar disorder in various forms. This means that in Russia there are at least three million bipolar people - this is about half of St. Petersburg.

In most cases, this condition responds well to medication. But, unfortunately, many do not seek help or do not know how to find it. Without treatment, the disease progresses and ultimately leads to sad consequences: loss of family, job, disability in general, and in almost every seventh case, suicide.

These consequences can be avoided. The peculiarity of bipolar disorder is that the onset of remission depends not only on the doctor and medications, but also on the behavior of the patient himself. Very often, bipolar people provoke seizures "with their own hands." The mood of people with BAD (bipolar affective disorder. - Note ed. ) is very unstable, the balance is fragile, and mania or depression can be “started” in dozens of ways: the psyche is easily shaken by psychoactive substances, alcohol, lack of sleep, too intense work, travel and even love. So, a short time after the next course of treatment with powerful drugs, the person again ends up in the hospital. And each new attack reduces the chances of a long remission, affects social status, and even more painfully - self-esteem.

The experience of people with mental disorders around the world has proven that you are much more likely to cope with difficulties when you are supported by people who understand your problems and condition, but do not look at you as a patient. As practice shows, such a person can be not only a partner or close relative. An old friend, and even a person with whom you have never met in person, can help you get through the darkest times. Masha Pushkina, especially for Afisha Daily, spoke with several bipolar people about those in whom they found their support. The result is a story not about illness, but about friendship and trust, which can defeat even madness.

Yana, 31 years old

Housewife, collects books and is fond of confectionery

Purposefully, I didn't find out about the ways of support anywhere, everything turned out quite naturally. I have been sick for 15 years. The first person who looked after me was my best friend, and now it's my husband.

When my hypomania (a mild degree of mania, which is characterized by a constantly high mood. - Approx. ed. ) accelerated into a full-fledged mania (this state is also characterized by a one-sided attraction to some topic, sometimes accompanied by delirium. - Note ed. ), it became clear that I needed to be looked after. A friend began to pay attention to repetitive patterns of behavior in one phase or another, and we decided together to find out what helps in such cases. I think my friend was afraid to take responsibility for my condition, but she turned out to be generous and selfless. When I got married, a friend passed this knowledge on to her husband, and he already supplemented it, based on his own experience. The husband initially knew with whom he connects his life. He says it didn't scare him.

I have obsessions during my manic episodes. My husband does not argue with me at this time, but he also does not feed them, trying to redirect my stormy energy in a different direction. You can’t argue, because the result will be the opposite: I will finally get stuck on the idea, I will consider that I must prove it at all costs, even if the whole world is against me, and there are enemies and conspiracies around. If this does not help, the husband agrees to discuss all these things, but at the same time tries to slow down their implementation by offering to draw up a specific and detailed plan. Sometimes it takes me a long time.

For example, I always want to move somewhere. Right now, and why aren't we packing our things yet? My husband tries to make me write down what are the pros and cons of different cities, what attracts us to them. As a result, I sit for hours on different forums, make lists, think about how we will arrange our life, calculate the budget for different countries of the world. There is also a manic passion for travel, but after preparation, we usually implement these plans. And many years ago, in a fit of mania, I bought an apartment - with a mortgage, with hellish payments. Then it took a long time to resolve this situation, but, fortunately, everything worked out well.

My husband began to chart my mood. I also manage it, and we check the results so that they are objective. Quarrels due to the fact that the husband takes on the role of the elder often arise in the manic phase (never in depression). Then I become very suspicious, any attempts at control cause rage. But now the husband has learned from experience, so he does not react to attempts to unleash a conflict. With obvious attacks of rage and auto-aggression, he uses holding therapy (long strong hugs. - Note ed. ). We have seen this in autistic children, this is how their parents influence them.

When I'm depressed, he doesn't comfort me because it's pointless, but he tries to give reasonable arguments that this period has always ended and this time will also pass soon. We look at mood charts for the past months, discuss the duration of the attacks: two weeks have already passed and, judging by past experience, it should get better in a couple of weeks.

Such support from the husband helps in many ways. When I was being treated by two doctors, taking all the medicines, I didn’t have such support, everything was very bad. Over time, I stopped disappearing from home in a manic state and inflicting serious injuries on myself. All my super-ideas remain on paper in the form of graphs and tables, I don’t even have time to start putting them into practice, so that later I don’t have to deal with the consequences with the whole family.

Alisa, 27 years old

Biologist

To be honest, I don't always find understanding from my healthy environment, I often faced condemnation, devaluation of problems. But from a person who has a similar experience, you won’t hear “don’t invent”, “you can’t feel so bad”, “take a walk and it will pass”.

It just so happens that my best friend also suffers from bipolar disorder. I did not look for support in specialized communities where patients communicate, we met by chance. My friend is much older, he has much more life experience, and he was able to become a real mentor for me. Not once did his actions worsen my condition - I hope that he can say the same about me.

When I'm on the rise, I feel uncomfortable when he tries to slow me down and reduce my passions. But as soon as this state passes and I again take a sober look at the situation, each time I thank him for trying to stop the revelry and disgrace. My friend himself is currently not being treated, but he never imposed his position on me, and when I turn to doctors, he supports me in this.

I told the doctor about this source of support - he is all for it. Before meeting a friend, I had suicidal attempts, but during the entire time of our communication I never tried to say goodbye to life. When you know that there is a person who will understand everything and share warmth (while even my own family repels me), that there is a place where you can come in any condition and where they will accept me without unnecessary questions and teachings, this is a source of great strength. and hope.

When I was expecting my second child, I was depressed. My husband did not yet fully understand the features of the disease and did not want to admit obvious things - this added problems, and my emotional state became extremely difficult. It seems that only thanks to the participation of my friend, I did not do anything to myself and successfully endured the pregnancy. The child was named after him.

Sergey, 49 years old

Freelancer

At the height of the depression, I was looking for any available support and ended up in an online group of anonymous debtors (people who have taken on large loans). One of the participants drew attention to my condition and said that I urgently need medical help. Despite the fact that she lives in the USA, we began to communicate regularly via Skype. Olga literally brought me to the hospital and helped me prepare for the treatment.

Americans are a pragmatic people, many young and healthy people have folders with wills and instructions in case of their death. They also approach mental difficulties calmly and thoroughly. It is common practice for the patient to draw up detailed instructions in advance. In the United States, there is a practice of issuing Treatment Agreements for people with mental illness (Treatment Contract). This document is needed so that family, friends and doctors recognize the symptoms of deterioration in time and take into account your experience and wishes in the treatment. Typically, such a document contains: a list of trusted people; signs of a normal state; signs of an approaching episode; symptoms of mania and depression; actions that trusted people should take to help a person get better and keep him from destructive acts; plan of action in case of an emergency (for example, a suicide attempt). who and what will be done in case of his hospitalization, so that he can be treated without anxiety for household chores.

In a period of severe depression, there is a struggle inside a person between the craving for death and the desire to live - and many external things can outweigh in one direction or another. Every clue is important to help you get out. It is very difficult for one to cope with all this.

I madly didn’t want to go to the hospital and wouldn’t have made up my mind myself, until the last I hoped that somehow everything would go away on its own. But under the supervision of a friend, I drew up a preparation plan: warn the customer at work, arrange to look after my cats. Reported to her about every step. But then he could no longer simply “escape” [from hospitalization], because he felt obliged to both her and the doctor. During depression, one's own life has no value, but the people dear to me, the promises made to them, do.

At the most difficult moment, Olga became my “outer brain”, which told me what to do when I didn’t understand anything myself. After I was discharged from the hospital, I turned to four friends for support. Usually we call each other once a week, I tell what my condition is. It is important not only to chat online, but also to hear the voice, you can understand a lot from it. Friends immediately pay attention, if I suddenly disappear and stop calling, then something is wrong.

I think it is possible to find such a person if you set yourself such a goal. Take a closer look at people in support groups, religious or other communities - those who understand what compassion and mutual assistance are. This must be an internally mature person, ready to take responsibility for you in a difficult situation. If this person has similar problems, then he will better understand your experiences. For this reason, relatives are far from always suitable: they themselves can panic, seeing how bad you feel, choke you with their anxiety, overprotection.

It is necessary to establish the frequency of communication and observe it. And of course, in no case should you parasitize on someone else's kindness. The support system works when you yourself take responsibility for your life, and do not outweigh it completely on another.

Anna and Valeriya, 21 years old

Students

Anna: After a major depressive episode four years ago that almost ended in a suicide attempt, I started looking for information on [support]. I managed to find a guide in English for relatives and friends on how to behave with such a person. I have sent this list to all my friends so that they have an idea of ​​what is happening to me. For the past few years, Lera has been monitoring my emotional state on a daily basis, and if, in her opinion, it goes beyond the norm, she tells me about it. Lera just asks every day how I'm doing, and if she sees that I'm reacting strangely, she wonders if something happened. At first, it was very difficult, because, in principle, I did not like to regularly share personal experiences. But by regularly receiving feedback, I can imagine the dynamics: do the pills help, how long do the side effects last, does the depressive phase go into a moderate and severe degree, do I lose my critical thinking during hypomania.

Valeria: We gradually established a very trusting relationship. Anya studied the topic of bipolar disorder up and down, and I read the articles that she sent me. The diagnosis did not change anything for me, because it remained the same. After that, we already discussed some formalities (for example, who to call in case of an emergency).

Anna: I asked Lera to watch for hypomanic manifestations in which I lose an adequate assessment of my actions: impulsive night walks, alcohol begin.

Valeria: My friend is a very responsible and conscious girl who takes care of herself, her health and her wallet. Before buying something expensive, she asks for my advice - and then we are already sorting out the situation. We can entrust accounts to each other and not worry. I also know where and to whom to run in cases of exacerbation.

Anna: I react badly to prohibitions and reminders of illness. Yes, I periodically have to turn to relatives for help, change treatment or take long breaks, but I expect mutual respect so that they don’t look at me through the prism of the disease.
When the mood is unstable, harsh phrases like “the disease speaks in you”, “these are not your real emotions” cause persistent rejection, even when they are true. The line between accepting a loved one's illness and identifying him with a diagnosis for healthy people is extremely thin. Therefore, those who were able to grope it deserve great respect.

Anna: In the last year, I go to see the doctor with my parents. When the doctor notices that I may not be able to do it alone, she duplicates the instructions and advice for them. I, in turn, am a friend. The doctor has repeatedly emphasized that the change of episodes is more noticeable from the outside.

Valeria: We don't have any kind of hierarchy in relationships, so there is no pressure when one makes decisions for another. This is not eating each other's emotional resources, but complementing and supporting.

Anna: The main danger in a relationship with a person with a serious illness is to fall into codependency. This format is equally bad for both the "controller" and the "subordinate". Unfortunately, I have been in such relationships before. It is worth maintaining mutual respect and treating each other as equals. Illness should not dominate a relationship. In difficult episodes, it temporarily comes to the fore, but you should always remember that you are not a disease.

Anna: I have memory problems: I don't remember some episodes. In such cases, I can ask Lera for help. If you remember the last weeks, then these are regular reminders to call the doctor. In mixed episodes, this becomes an acute problem, because I can suddenly change my mind or forget. Against the backdrop of a severe episode, I may develop psychosis, and this is the most dangerous thing in the disease. Thanks to our format, I manage to avoid such exacerbations almost always.

The advantages of observation from a loved one are an early response and the fact that he knows the patient's usual behavior very well and can notice even small changes. The main disadvantage is that normal friendly communication risks turning into constant monitoring of symptoms. Not every mentally healthy person is able to remain within the boundaries of reason.

It is important to agree in advance, before an attack, what is an undoubted sign of a worsening condition (for example, persistent insomnia), and what you do not need to pay special attention to (for example, loud indignation at something that you do not like). In a difficult situation, often a loved one begins to behave not as an equal, but as a “healthy” and “knowledgeable”. Not all relationships stand this test.

There is also a variant of "buddy" (when two people with mental disorders look after each other. - Note ed. ) - it is good precisely because it is the true request of the patient and more equal relations without mixing roles. But I don't know the buddy support system.

To choose a person you can rely on in a critical situation, take a closer look at your surroundings. Above all, a high level of trust is needed. Your assistant should be open to nonjudgmental and open dialogue and at the same time emotionally stable and resistant to stress.

Support is essential for every person - very often we as mental health professionals need it. And with bipolar disorder, this problem is especially acute. At the initial stages, those closest to you often ignore the presence of the disease, and friends advise you to either "pull yourself together" or, conversely, "relax", sometimes with the help of alcohol. When it becomes obvious to everyone that the “condition” will not go away on its own, urgent hospitalization is already required. The saved patient receives the "stigma".

Psychiatrists then make it the responsibility of the uninitiated next of kin (parent or spouse) to monitor any changes in the patient, and they really try to do so. At the level of "laughing out loud - hypomania has begun, upset - depression." As a result, psychiatrists begin to treat quite normal human emotions based on complaints from relatives... and the circle closes.

For this to change, mental health literacy must play a major role. Relatives, in order to be able to help, need to understand well what is happening with a loved one. In many, including state clinics, groups for training relatives either already exist or are being created.

The support of loved ones in case of emergency is especially important. In deep depression or mania, a person is not able to independently control his behavior, this decision is made by relatives, sometimes without his consent. In the case of bipolar disorder, this should be the last option when all others have been exhausted.

Bipolar disorder - love and relationships

10/01/2019 Asya Melkonyan, psychologist If a loved one is sick, Favorites

Are bipolar disorder and love compatible? How to build relationships with people with bipolar disorder?

Contents

How to maintain a relationship with someone with bipolar disorder?

Managing any romantic relationship, whether it be courtship or marriage, can be a very difficult task. And if bipolar disorder is also involved in the relationship, with its roller coaster mood swings, the relationship will become even more problematic and require a certain amount of stress.

Jim McNulty, 58, married in 1970. According to him, at first everything was just fine. The courtship looked absolutely normal, Jim and his wife got along very well. Then the mood swings started. During the manic phase of the illness, he could spend much more than he could afford. Then Jim's mood changed dramatically, and he was drowning in the abyss of depression. Such wild leaps had a negative effect on marriage and, moreover, began to threaten the complete ruin of the family.

In the end, Jim signed the house over to his wife to financially protect her and their two young children. The result of the struggle between love and illness was the victory of bipolar disorder. Jim's wife asked him to leave as she could no longer cope with her illness.

Love and bipolar disorder

When people decide to start a relationship, they hope for stability. But the manic-depressive psychosis of one of the partners can destroy such expectations and seriously complicate the relationship. A person, especially not treated, is prone not only to mood swings, but also to changes in personal qualities, relationships, which can jeopardize the constancy that is the basis of relationships.

In addition, not all sufferers of manic-depressive illness show distinct phases of mania and depression. But when such episodes occur, sufferers can give vent to their feelings and destroy relationships.

During a manic state, a person may lose his sanity, which will entail unreasonable spending, infidelity, alcohol and drug abuse, and even problems with the law are not ruled out. Therefore, the phase of mania in one of the spouses can be extremely detrimental to relationships, since the patient is capable of actions that threaten the financial condition of his partner and personally him and his health.

The other pole is depression. This state makes a person withdraw, abandon everyone and everything around him. Such moods are very upsetting for the partner, because he is trying to pull the patient out of his shell, but has practically no chance of doing so.

For those who have a partner with bipolar disorder and who are interested in how to combine bipolar disorder and love, we recommend reading the book “Why is it so difficult with you. How to love people with neurosis, depression and bipolar disorder.

Love, falling in love and bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder can be a problem early in a relationship. When you first meet someone you like, it's natural to want to make a good impression.

Therefore, immediately reporting an existing illness will not be the best solution for a favorable start to a relationship. There is always a fear that by such a confession you can scare a person away and lose the opportunity to meet someone else. On the other hand, you still have to let your partner know about your illness.

Doctors advise not to talk about your psychiatric problems on the first date. But if you feel that the attraction is mutual, you want a serious relationship with this particular person, you need to dot the i's.

Knowing what can trigger cycles of hypomania, mania, and depression, and paying attention to warning signs that you are entering a new phase of your cycle can go a long way in helping you avoid unpleasant situations in new relationships. After all, the more the patient is aware of the features of the manifestation of his cycles, the greater the responsibility he will be able to take on. Some common symptoms of upcoming changes in mood include restless sleep and increased or decreased activity levels.

Marriage and Bipolar Disorder

Events ranging from work stress to financial problems can lead to strife and friction in a marriage. But when one of the spouses has a manic-depressive psychosis, minor stress factors become enormous. This explains why at least 90% of marriages where one of the partners suffers from bipolar disorder eventually break up.

Jim McNulty witnessed the destruction of not only his own marriage, but also the marriages of many other patients. He led a cheerleading team for almost 19years. During this period, he met a dozen couples who came to the meetings of a group of people whose relationships were torn to shreds. Jim believes that bipolar disorder puts a lot of extra strain on a relationship, especially if the person is unaware of their condition and has not been diagnosed.

How to make relationships better?

It's really difficult to have a love relationship and bipolar disorder at the same time. But not impossible. To save a relationship, and subsequently marriage, requires constant work on yourself by both partners.

The first step to take is to see a doctor and treat the disease. Your doctor may prescribe mood-stabilizing drugs, such as lithium medications and antidepressants, to help relieve your symptoms. Therapy with a qualified psychologist, psychiatrist or social worker is also important. Thanks to this treatment, you can learn to control your behavior, which brings stress to your partner. If your spouse agrees to go through the entire course of treatment with you, this will help him or her better understand the reasons for your actions and learn how to respond to mood swings in the right way.

In addition, if the spouse is directly involved in your treatment, this will bring the couple even closer.

While you may want to crawl into your cocoon when you're depressed, or feel like the king of the world when you're manic, it's important to be able to accept help when it's offered. It can be useful to draw up a contract that states in advance under what circumstances and in what condition you will agree to help from your partner.

For the spouse of a person with bipolar disorder, knowing the best time to offer services includes recognizing the states and moods of the wife or husband. It is important to learn to understand the emotional throwing of a partner and to be on the alert all the time. Jim McNulty is now married to a woman who also has bipolar disorder. When one of them notices that the other is getting depressed, Jim or his wife ask how he or she is feeling, how he or she can help. Such gentle and unobtrusive attention helps both to be in order.

There are several other methods that can revive love: